From: Donna Honeycutt <donnah@donnas-stories.com>
Date: Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:53:27 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Separations (1/4)
Source: direct

Title - Separations - Part 1
Author - donnah
Email address - donnah@donnas-stories.com
URL - http://www.donnas-stories.com/
Rating - NC-17
Category - AU, MSR
Spoilers - Duane Barry, One Breath
Keywords - AU, MSR 
Summary - When she was taken . . .
Feedback - Please
Archive - Anywhere, just let me know so I can visit

Disclaimer - Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunmen and Skinner 
all belong to Chris, 
10-13, and Fox - Bless them for it!!  No infringement 
intended. 

Separations - Part 1


She hadn't seen him.  He had plenty of time to escape, but 
the sight of her held him riveted.  On some level that 
surprised him.  He couldn't remember any other woman, 
any other person, who had affected him this way.  He didn't 
need other people, he hadn't for years.  So why, after a few 
short months, had this woman become so entrenched in 
his psyche?

But she should be off limits now.  It was better that way.  
After the X-Files had been shut down, he'd made a point of 
not contacting her.  She could make something of herself 
now.  So why had he thought of little else since they got 
back from Arecibo?  Why was he standing here?  They 
hadn't been forgotten, just ignored for the time being, right?

The vision of her on the stairs, after Tom Colton had offered 
to help her 'escape' him, came to him.  "You have to have 
more than that, and I need to see what that is . . . " She had 
smiled at him, after saying she wanted to stick around.  
Unbelievable.

Losing her had been the right thing, for her anyway.  He'd 
just been unprepared for the depth of despair her loss had 
brought him.

He was startled to find her standing in front of him, looking 
up and smiling.  Did she cause time to go missing as well?  
His heart clutched at the sight.

"Mulder?  Were you looking for me?"

"Scully, I uh - "

"Dana?  You ready to go?"  The presence of the man at her 
elbow stopped him.

She looked up at the other man.  "Jerry, you know Fox 
Mulder.  Mulder, Jerry White."

Jerry nodded to Mulder. "How's it going, Spooky?"

Mulder met his eyes, and the shorter man's face darkened.  
Scully looked away for an instant.

Mulder took a step back and her head came up.  Her hand 
came to rest on his sleeve. "Mulder, you were looking for 
me?"

"I, uh," he wouldn't meet her eyes.  He had no reason.  He 
hadn't planned to let her see him, but thoughts, memories 
of her, had blindsided him.  "I wondered if you had some 
notes from a case we'd investigated.  I have a case that 
might be related."

The gleam in her eyes surprised him.  They had both 
forgotten Jerry, who stepped up and took Dana's arm.  
"We're going to lose our reservations, Dana."  He looked 
over at Mulder.  "You don't need those notes tonight, do 
you?"

Mulder glanced down at Scully.  Her expression confused 
him; did she want him to pursue this?  He didn't have a 
case; he'd just needed to say something.


"I . . . I could use - "

"I understand, Mulder.  Jerry, I'm sorry."

Jerry was watching her now, incredulously.  "Dana, we 
have plans."

"I know and I'm sorry, but you know the Bureau.  Why don't 
you call me tomorrow, we can reschedule."

Jerry's eyes narrowed, but he had no real argument to use.  
And he hadn't quite realized how tall Mulder was.  "Okay, 
tomorrow."  He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, 
establishing his territory.  Scully accepted it with no 
comment, and after a moment, Jerry turned and left, his 
spine stiff.

Mulder watched him leave, but Scully didn't seem to notice.  
"Mulder?"

"Oh, uh, Scully listen, I didn't mean to mess up your plans."

She looked down, but he thought he saw her lips twitch. 
"Don't worry about it."  She started toward the parking 
garage and he followed as though a well trained pet.  "If you 
want my notes on the X-Files, I decided to keep them at 
home rather than here.  So many things seemed to get 
'lost'."

Her lips were still now, but her eyes were twinkling.  "You'll 
have to give me a ride, my car's in the shop."

He nodded, bemused, and led her to his car.  They drove in 
near silence to her place and he parked, but made no move 
to exit the car.

"Scully, I . . . "

"You don't have a case, right?"  His eyes widened as he 
looked at her.  "What?  You think I didn't learn anything 
about you while we worked together?  Besides, you actually 
did me a favor."

"A favor?"

"Yes.  Look, since I no longer have a dinner date, I have to 
cook something.  Why don't you come in and join me?"

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea."  Mulder glanced at 
the building.

"Don't worry.  I've been very careful.  No one has followed 
me, my phones are clean and the Gunmen come over 
periodically and make sure the apartment's clear of all 
bugs."

"The Gunmen come over here?"  He looked stunned at that.

"I knew you'd want it, so . . . " she shrugged.  "I think it's just 
a scam on Frohike's part to get over here occasionally."

Mulder's eyes narrowed. "He hasn't bothered you?"

She chuckled. "No, he's actually been quite sweet."

Sweet?  Not an adjective he'd thought anyone would ever 
use for Frohike.  She was opening her door, so he got out 
himself and rounded the car.  His hand seemed to find that 
spot on her back on its own.


"Your car's in the shop?" he asked for something to say.

"Yes, the body shop.  The whole driver's side was smashed 
in."

He stumbled and his arm went around her waist, the hand 
lightly on her back no longer sufficient.  "You were in a 
wreck?"  How could he not have heard about that? 

"No.  My car was parked.  Right over there as a matter of 
fact.  A drunk driver took out four cars that night.  They got 
him when his car finally came to rest in the bush that used 
to be over there."  She pointed to the far corner of the 
complex.  "Mulder?  Are you . . . " He'd gone pale.

"I'm fine; I just hadn't heard.  I'm glad that's all it was."

Her brow furrowed as she looked at him, but he wouldn't 
meet her eyes, so they continued on inside.  She smiled up 
at him again once they were inside.  "Don't worry; the guys 
were over here on Thursday.  They didn't find anything, 
they've never found anything.  Take off your jacket and get 
comfortable.  I'm going to change, then start dinner."

"You really don't have to feed me - "

"I'd like the company," she said simply.

He made every attempt not to gape at those words, and 
fortunately she turned away toward her bedroom.  He 
slipped off his suit coat and laid it over the back of the chair, 
then loosened his tie slightly, unbuttoning the top button of 
his shirt.  'Get comfortable'?  Not likely.

He shouldn't be here.  Now he'd have to go through 
withdrawal again.  Damn it, she had just been his partner.  
Okay, a damn good partner and yes, she'd listened to him 
and . . . and seemed to respect him.  A lot of people used his 
information, his mind, but respect . . . 

He wandered around the living room, unable to just sit and 
wait.  He picked up a picture from her bookcase.  It was her 
whole family.  He hadn't met any of them, and since they 
were no longer partners, he didn't expect to.  The loss of her 
father had been so difficult and the case they'd been on 
had added to her pain at the time.  She hadn't talked to him 
about it until it was over, but she had opened up, at least a 
little, then.  He treasured that memory.  Not many people 
opened up to old Spooky, even less women.  She'd trusted 
him, damn . . .

He turned when he heard her return, and his eyes wanted 
to devour her.  She'd changed into leggings and a dark 
green oversize sweater.  The deep V of the neckline held 

his attention before he could force it away.  The creamy 
swell of her breasts and the cleavage she displayed quickly 
made this his all time favorite of her outfits.  Of course, that 
didn't count her underwear in Oregon.

She'd taken off her shoes and was barefoot, watching him 
as he returned the picture to the shelf.

"No comment about barefoot in the kitchen, or you'll limp 
out of here," she warned with eyebrow high.

"Yes ma'am."  Okay, he'd have to suffer withdrawal again, 
but the memories of this evening would be worth it.  He 
followed her into the kitchen and watched as she opened a 
bottle of wine and splashed some in the marinade.

"Well, it's open now, no need to waste it, right?"  She poured 
glasses for them both.  Then after taking a sip, placed the 
chicken in the marinade and refrigerated it as she pulled 
the ingredients for a tossed salad from the refrigerator.

"Mulder, do you recognize these?  They're called fresh 
vegetables."

He glared at her then, trying to keep his lips from twitching.  
"Yes, I recognize them."

"Well," her eyes moved down his body and back to his face.  
"They're for eating.  Something you obviously haven't done 
enough of recently."

"I eat," he protested.

Her eyebrow was up again.  "How much weight have you 
lost?"

"I don't enjoy eating while I listen to those tapes."  She just 
looked at him.  "A couple of pounds.  I've been busy."

"Twenty pounds at least, Mulder." 


"Fifteen," he countered.

"And when did you last get a good night's sleep?"

"I don't need that much - "

"No, but you need some.  How's this new partner working 
out?"

"Krycek?  He's green, but seems eager to please.  
Sometimes I feel like I'm old enough to be his father."

"Does he . . . believe?" she asked quietly.

"Oh yeah, much more open minded than some people I've 
had to put up with."  She gave him a little grin and he felt his 
heart rate quicken.  To cover he took a drink of his wine.  
She was watching him.

He looked up and her smile faded.  "Scully, what am I doing 
here?"

She sighed.  "I'm using you."

He just looked confused.

"You got me out of a bad date."

"What?"

She shook her head.  "Since Arecibo I . . . I don't know."

"You saved my life."


"Does that mean I own a piece of you now?"

"Doesn't seem like much of a deal for you."

"I like it.  Mulder, could we just have a nice evening 
together, as friends?"

"Are we friends?"

"I hope we're a lot more than that."

He blinked at that and a smile grew on his face.  "Yeah."

They visited then, kidding around as she made dinner, with 
his help.  He wasn't sure what had put her in this mood, but 
it was kind of fun.  She was ready to start cooking the 
chicken, and reached up for a dish in her upper cabinet.  
She didn't even come close.  Mulder grinned at the disparity 
in height.

He moved over, close to her and trapped her in the corner of 
the counter with his body.  He reached up, pressing slightly 
against her, and pulled the dish she wanted from the shelf.  
He placed it on the counter, but found that he hadn't moved 
back away from her, an arm on either side of her.

She turned to face him. "My hero."  Her arms went around 
his neck and she leaned up and kissed his lips.  His eyes 
slid closed; she tasted of wine and warmth and Scully.  His 
arms closed around her, molding her to his body, without 
thought of any consequences.

His lips seared her, tasting of her nose, her eyelids and 
moved down to her throat.  Her breathing was heavy, as she 
watched him loving her.  She certainly hadn't had enough 
wine to use it as an excuse, but oh god it felt so good to be 
in his arms.

His lips trailed up her neck to her ear.  "We can't do this," he 
breathed.

"We're already doing it, Mulder."  She pressed against him 
and felt his hardness pushing into her abdomen.

Damn, he wasn't sporting wood, it was steel.  He moaned 
as her hand caressed him through his slacks.  Dear god, 
how long since a woman had touched him there, but this 
woman . . .

"Bedroom, Mulder," she whispered in his ear.

He lifted her to his lips and her legs closed around his waist.  
Bedroom.  He'd never seen her bedroom.  He held her close 
and moved them in that direction.  When he lowered her 
onto the bed, he stood for a moment, just looking at her.

Mistake, this was a huge mistake.  He should get out of 
here.  She reached up and unbuckled his belt.  He needed 
to stop this.  "Scully, what, what's going on?"

"I've thought about this since Arecibo, Mulder.  We are 
together, whether 'they' want it or not."

"But - "

"Mulder, please." 

 Arecibo.  He had left such a tiny clue, just an off-hand 
remark but she had used it to track him down and save him.

Her hands were on the hem of her sweater, but he stopped 
her.  Taking the sweater in his hands, he slowly, reverently 
removed it over her head.  He stared at the white lace demi-
bra she was wearing.  This wasn't work day attire.  She'd put 
this on for him after they'd gotten here.  That knowledge 
came to him with no doubts.  She wanted this, she wanted 
him.

When she made no move to stop him, he peeled her 
leggings off, leaving only the tiny scrap of white silk at her 
core.  "God, Scully."  It was only a breath.  He leaned over 
her and her fingers made quick work of the buttons of his 
shirt.

When the shirt hung open, her hands came up to touch the 
muscles of his chest, lightly brushing his nipples.  They 
hardened even before he could hiss.  Her arm brought his 
face down to her again and their lips met, tongues dueling 
as they explored each other.

He had to know more of her, all of her.  His lips moved 
down her throat and to her breasts.  His fingers found the 
clasp of her bra and it was on the floor with the rest of her 
clothing.  His eyes took in the rosy areolas and his lips 
circled one nipple then the other, suckling gently.

She wasn't sure she remembered how to breathe, but it 
didn't matter, nothing mattered but what his lips were doing 
to her.  All those months of watching him in that little office, 
on stakeouts, when he'd looked at her, willing her to listen 
to his theories, playing with those damn sunflower seeds, 
she had never realized what those lips could do.  He moved 
on down to her abdomen, millennia later, dipping into her 
navel and then farther south.  She realized he had to know 
how wet she was.  Damn, if he looked at her with those half 
opened eyes again she was going to come.  He wouldn't 
even have to touch her.

He pulled the damp silk down and let it fall to the floor.  He 
nuzzled her, taking in a deep breath of her arousal.  Scully 
scent.  He'd never recover from this.  His tongue darted out 
and her body arched, demanding more.

"Muld . . . " It was a caress of his name.  Her hands 
entangled themselves in his dark hair, but not deterring him 
from his goal.  She felt his five o'clock shadow brush 
against her thighs.  His tongue was exploring her and her 
hips bucked toward him.  Then she was spiraling out of 
control.  Her fingers were pressing into his shoulders, 
holding on for dear life as he moved back up to her lips.  He 
held her gently as she went limp in his arms.  "Oh my god."  
He barely heard the words, the look in her eyes striking him 
deaf and dumb.  She . . . she loved him?

"Just relax, Scully.  I have you."

She shuddered and her hands explored the movement of 
the muscles of his back.  "Mulder, inside me.  Please."

Had she really said those words?

"Mulder, I need . . . I need you."

He still hesitated, but her hand pushed the shirt from his 
shoulders.  He rose from beside her and, never taking his 
eyes from her, lowered his slacks and then his boxers to the 
floor.  Finally he stood nude in front of her.  He hadn't 

imagined her gasp, but it sounded more like appreciation 
than fear.  "Scully?"

"Please."

His eyes locked on hers, he entered her slowly, giving her 
time to adjust to him.  When he was sheathed within her, he 
was still for a moment.  She was so damn hot and tight.  He 
moved to withdraw and her legs came back around him, 
holding him close.  He smiled then and her eyes widened at 
the joy on his face.  She'd never seen such an expression 
on him.

He thrust into her again and again.  He'd never had this, not 
in his whole life.  He wanted to love her, physically and 
every other way, every day for the rest of time.  Her hand 
stroked his balls and he knew he was losing control.  He 
wanted her with him, to feel her come around him.  His 
hand came to her core and pressed gently against that spot 
he had discovered.  That was all it took, she was coming 
again even harder this time.  She clung to him, the only 
stability on the planet, the only thing that mattered.

Then he lost control himself, his hot seed filling her, 
branding her, making her his forever.

She'd never come twice, ever, but this was Mulder.  He 
hadn't just made love to her, he'd . . . he'd worshipped her.  
Maybe this was why she had refused to allow herself to give 
in to this when they were together.  She knew he loved her.  
She'd seen it in hundreds of ways once she'd become 
familiar with the man.  She'd seen his insecurities for what 
they were.  She'd even recognized some of her own tactics 

in keeping distance from other people.

He started to leave her body, but her arms wrapped around 
him, pulling his weight down on her.  "Scully, I'll crush you."

"Please."


He let his body cover her then, his lips against her ear.  "I 
have you, Scully, just relax."  She did.  They had been 
forgotten, now she knew that, the X-Files closed down.  
Maybe, just maybe he would understand her reaction today.  
It was a sure thing she couldn't have been more obvious.

After a few minutes, he did leave her body, pulling her close 
to him.  She felt so right against him.

Her even breathing told him that she had drifted off with her 
head on his chest.  He watched her sleeping peacefully 
against him.  What had he done?  How the hell was he 
going to live without her now?  Maybe they couldn't work 
together, the powers that be had seen to that, but he'd 
wanted her to be removed from him, from his reputation.  
Now he had her even closer to him.

He couldn't blame this on the wine; half a glass wouldn't 
affect him at all.  No, he couldn't delude himself that he 
hadn't wanted this.  Well hell yes, he'd wanted it!  But how 
had he let his guard down enough to actually . . . God, he 
was in love with her.  And if he loved her, how could he do 
this to her?  She deserved more than what he could give 
her.

He closed his eyes to block her from his sight, but it didn't 
work.  She was even more firmly engrained in his mind 
than before.  He'd seen her as he loved her, as she'd loved 
him.  He had to get out of here.  He gently placed her head 
on the pillow and started to leave the bed.

"Mmm, Mulder."  Her hand reached for him and he returned 
to her side.  She cuddled in.  "Stay."

His heart sank, how could he refuse her when it was what 
he wanted more than life itself?  One night.  He might not 
deserve it, but he was going to take one night.  She wanted 
him to stay.  In the morning, in the light of day when she 
realized what she'd done, he would leave.

He didn't want to sleep, with only one night's memory to 
enjoy; he wanted to watch her breathe.

That's what he did until the third time they came together.  
Then, even with his stamina he had to get some sleep.  He 
slept with the knowledge that he had pleased her beyond 
his imagination.  Three times, at his age; must be an X-File.

She didn't seem the least uncomfortable around him the 
next morning as they sipped their coffee, her in a robe and 
him in yesterday's clothes.  The thoughts of leaving had 
begun to creep back into his brain and he tried to steel 
himself for the ordeal ahead - missing her.  She, on the 
other hand, didn't seem the least bit disturbed that he would 
be leaving shortly, not only her apartment, but her life again.  
Did she not realize?

"Scully, I, I need to get out of here."

She nodded.  "I'm glad you stayed."

He nodded, not sure what to say.  Then he remembered, no 
car.  She was speaking.  "I'm going to take my shower.  I 
guess you want to get home and change."

"Scully, you need a ride - "


"I'll grab a cab.  I need to pick up my car anyway.  Go on.  I'll 
talk to you later."  She rose then, not giving him a chance to 

respond.  "You can lock up, right?"  She smiled and moved 
toward the bathroom.

He closed his eyes after she was out of sight.  There was 
nothing he could say.  If she really didn't understand that 
she would be better off without him, he'd have to keep even 
more distance.  She'd be better off that way.

 
He let himself out; checking to make certain the door was 
locked behind him.  The Bureau had separated them and 
as much as he hated it, it was the best thing for her, for her 
career.


Separations - Part 2


He lay on this couch, unable to move, total despair 
paralyzing him.  His fault.  Scully was gone and it was his 
fault, just like Samantha.  They were truly separated now.  
He'd seen the bright light.  If he'd been five minutes earlier . 
. . Why the hell had he allowed her to take the implant that 
Lucy Kazdin had given him?

She had saved his life when Duane Barry had held him 
hostage.  But doing that had exposed her to them, exposed 
that they were in contact.  If he had kept his vow, stayed 
away from her, she would never have come to him like that.  

Would she?

One night.  They had had one night and within hours she 
had been taken.  Why had he thought that checking for 
listening devices or watching for tails would keep her safe?  
If he had been strong enough, he would have kept his 
distance.  He wouldn't have allowed himself . . . one night.

*****

He existed, on some level.  Skinner had reopened the X-
Files.  He had been out in the field, the vampire case, the 
poltergeist case.  He could have really used her on that one, 
teenage girls weren't really a group to which he could relate.  
He'd waited in vain for some extraterrestrial activity.  The 
guys had everything they owned pointed toward picking up 
something, but activity had dropped to nil.

He moved through the days, on autopilot.  Everything he did 
was with the thought of Scully and Samantha in his mind.  
He wasn't sure when it had become Scully and Samantha 
rather than Samantha and Scully, but it had.  Sleep became 
non-existent.  When he did doze off it was only to 
nightmares and horrors, which unfortunately he usually 
remembered.

He had only the least possible contact with other humans.  
He had put forth the most effort with Mrs. Scully.  She was a 
link to his Scully, but after she had asked him to go with her 
to purchase the headstone . . . He had physically turned his 
back on it, unable to face it.  How could she do that?  It was 
too soon, too damn soon.  Why couldn't he get her to see 
that?

*****

He'd raced through the streets of DC.  If he'd thought about 
it at all, he would have supposed he intimidated the police, 
but no one pulled him over or tried to slow him down.  He'd 
also made a scene in the ICU while her mother sat by her 
side, but he'd had to do something.

He was quieter now, even his anger at the doctor 
dissipating as he sat beside the bed silently watching her 
chest move with mechanical breaths.  Mrs. Scully and 
Melissa had gone off.  Mrs. Scully was probably praying and 
Melissa was doing whatever Melissa did.  It was a little 
startling and even off-putting to meet this sister.  Not 
because of her ideas, but the physical proof that Scully had 
this whole other life in which he had no part.

She was alive, that was what mattered, and she would wake 
up.  He loved her; he was her lover, at least that one night.  
She would wake up and they would run away, change their 
names, live in the woods, whatever.  He'd give up the X-
Files, give up his search for Samantha, at least through 
official channels.  Yeah, right.  He looked up as Melissa 
returned and rose automatically to offer his chair.

"Sit, Mulder, I'm good."

He hesitated, then resumed his seat.  He couldn't fantasize 
about her with Melissa here.  Mostly he wanted them both to 
leave, leave him alone with Scully.  That wasn't going to 
happen.

"She's trying to decide, Mulder."

"What?"  Her voice breaking the silence startled him.  But 
there wasn't really any silence, the respirator, the monitors, 
but they told him life existed in her body, they were 
welcomed sounds.

"Whether to live or not."

"Melissa, I - "

"It's a tough decision.  Her body wants to go."

"Stop it."  He wanted to scream the words, or throttle the 
woman.  Instead he focused on Scully's face, relaxed and 
unseeing.

"I think she just can't decide to leave you."

His head whipped up, stunned.  His mouth opened, but no 
words emerged.

"I don't know exactly what your relationship is, I mean ex-
partners doesn't seem to cover it, but if she does live, I think 
it will be because of you."

He didn't even try to respond to that.  It wasn't true, was it?  
They'd been good partners.  He'd forgotten trust could be 
like that - both given and received, but that night . . . 


He jerked back to attention when Mrs. Scully joined them.  
"The doctor wants to talk to us."

This time when he rose, his movements were jerky and he 
knew fear was behind it.

*****

He was back in his apartment.  He couldn't sit with them 
anymore.  The doctor had said immediate family.  He wasn't 
family.  Basically he wasn't anything, and had no say in the 
decision.

Pull the life support, separate her from him forever.  How 

could the woman even consider . . . He would never be able 
to forgive her.

He had the ones that took her.  He could exact his own 
justice then . . . then he'd do what he'd contemplated for so 
long.  X had helped him set it up.  He was ready, more ready 
than he would have thought possible to commit cold-
blooded murder.  Actually he welcomed it.  If she . . . went 
tonight, he'd try to join her.

That thought actually brought a half-smile to his face.  
Yeah, like he'd go to whatever afterlife would hold Dana 
Scully.  Not bloody likely.

He jerked when he heard the knock on the door.  It was too 
early and home invaders rarely knocked.  He slid the gun 
out of sight.

Melissa?  He whisked her inside, looking around.

*****

He'd sent her off, refusing her request.  She was confused 
by him and more than a little angry, but he had given her no 
choice.  He was planning to commit murder.  He couldn't 
get her involved.  Besides, she was over the top; Scully 
wasn't 'making a decision' and he couldn't influence her 
anyway.  He couldn't.  She'd have been so much better off 
if she'd never met him.  He couldn't keep her alive, could 
he?

*****

He entered quietly and sat in the chair beside her bed.  He 

talked, he talked and he begged and he cried.  There was 
no response.  He should have known.  Why had he thought 
. . . finally he rose.  It was nearly 3 a.m.  He was stiff from 
sitting beside her for so long.  He trudged to the elevator like 
a very old man.

His apartment door was open slightly when he arrived.  He 
pushed the door open cautiously, his gun already in his 
hand.  They were gone, leaving complete chaos and 
destruction in their wake.  He stepped over a broken chair 
and on into the living room.  So this was what rock bottom 
looked like.  He leaned against the wall and sank toward the 
floor.

When he finally rose, knees creaking, he made his way to 
his couch.  He brushed the debris from the seat then sank 
onto the leather.  He hadn't realized that he still had his gun 
in his hand until it brushed against his leg.  He sat staring at 
it, fascinated in a way he'd never been before.  When they 
called him, when they told him she was . . . he could, well 
he would need it then.


When the phone did finally ring he found he couldn't move.  
But the sound of his machine forced him.  He couldn't let 
them do this over a machine.

*****

He made the trip as fast this time as last time, maybe faster, 
but the trip to the room took longer.  She wasn't just alive, 
she was awake.  Awake.  He hesitated just outside of her 
room and took a deep breath.

He had to see it for himself.  He tapped on the door and 
pushed it open.  Mrs. Scully smiled up at him from the chair 
beside her bed.  Melissa looked over at him and nodded, 
more reserved.

Scully stirred and opened her eyes.  She was still too pale, 
weak, but she looked at him.

"Fox.  You didn't waste any time."  Mrs. Scully looked up at 
him, smiling fondly at him.

"It's Mulder, Mom," Melissa spoke lightly.

Mulder ignored them, his eyes only for her.  "Scully?  How 
are you feeling?"

She glanced at her mother, then back at him.  "Fox?  Are, 
are you the man that found me?"

He blinked, unable to move.

"Dana?  Honey, this is Mulder.  You remember him, don't 
you?"  Mrs. Scully had risen from her seat.

"I, uh, I'm sorry," she seemed embarrassed.

"It, it's okay.  You've been through a lot.  I'm just glad you're 
awake.  I . . . I'll let you visit with your mother and sister.  You 
get well and, and I'll see you at work."  He managed to get 
through it, then nodded to the other women and let himself 
out.

He made it around the corner before his knees gave out 
and he had to catch hold of the railing.  He took several 
deep breaths through his mouth, then jerked when he felt 
the hand on his arm.

"Mulder?"

"I'm fine."  He stepped away from Melissa.

"She's going to be okay.  She just woke up, she's 
confused."

"I know."

"But do you understand?"

"When, when did she wake up?"


"According to the nurse, three this morning.  She went in to 
check her IV and found her awake."

"Th . . . three?"

"Yes.  Mulder?"  She reached out and took his arm.  For just 
an instant he was grateful for the support.

He straightened up. "Really, I'm okay.  Go back, be with your 
sister."

"Where are you going?"

"Home.  I need to do some housework."

She huffed in amusement, but he didn't smile.  "All right.  If 
you need to talk or anything . . . "

He nodded and pushed away from the wall, returning to the 

elevator.

*****

He did return home and called the police.  He filled out the 
report, then began clean up.  He needed to keep busy.  He 
worked, keeping his mind occupied.  That worked until the 
afternoon waned.


His need to check on her grew.  Maybe she didn't know 
him, but he knew her and he had to see her again.  She 
didn't have to know.


He approached her room cautiously, but Mrs. Scully and 
Melissa seemed to have left for the evening.  She was 
alone and it looked like she was sleeping.  He silently 
opened the door and let himself in.  He wasn't going to 
bother her; he just needed to see her.

She turned and opened her eyes.  "Agent Mulder?"

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's okay."

"You should be resting."

"Apparently that's all I've been doing," she smiled weakly at 
him, "and just about all I'm capable of right now."

"How do you feel?" he asked, wanting to keep her talking.

She nodded. "Not ready to run laps.  You didn't answer me 
earlier, are you the one that found me?"

"Uh, actually, no one found you.  You just turned up here."

"But you were looking for me."

"Yes."  He reached inside of the neck of his t-shirt and 
pulled her small gold cross out.  He undid the clasp and 
handed it to her.

"Who are you?"  She couldn't have said he panicked at 
those words, but she knew something was wrong.  "No, I 
know you're Agent Fox Mulder.  Who are you to me?"

"I . . . we used to work together."

"Work together?  That doesn't feel . . . do you do this for all 
your former partners?"

"Do what?" he asked, avoiding an answer.

"Come to visit them after hours?  Wear their crosses?"

"Oh, that.  I'm a profiler, I was trying to get a feel - "

"For the victim?  Isn't that a little backward?"  She smiled 
then.  "Why do you call me Scully?"  She gestured to the 
chair.


He hesitated, then took the seat.  He wanted to talk to her, 
be with her, and at least she wasn't afraid of him.

Mulder looked up at the tap on the door.  The doctor stepped 
in and looked pointedly over at him.  "I thought this would 
be a good time to talk to you, Dana."

"Is something wrong?" Scully asked, watching the doctor's 
face.  Mulder realized that she had slipped her hand into 
his.  It felt good.

"There are a couple of things we need to discuss, in private."

Mulder rose.  Okay, it didn't get any more blatant than that.  
"Sure, I'll let you two talk.  You're looking a lot better, Scully."


"Do you have to go?"  She looked over at the doctor, then 
back at him.

He hesitated, she seemed afraid suddenly.  "No, I've got no 
plans.  Why don't you talk and then I can come back.  I'll 
just be down the hall."

"You don't mind?"

"No, Scully.  I don't mind."  He squeezed her hand, then 
nodded to the doctor and let himself out.

He paced the waiting room, which was empty now.  Well, it 
was after visiting hours, not that that had ever deterred him 
or Scully.  Wasn't this taking a lot of time?  The doctor's face 
hadn't looked like he was bringing her good news.  New 
fears tried to surface - brain damage?  She'd never 
remember him?  Lingering affect of . . . of whatever had 
been done to her?

He'd wanted to stay, hold her hand while the doctor spoke 
with her, but she didn't know him.  She wasn't afraid of him, 
but she also didn't know him right now.   No, that was 
temporary.  He wouldn't believe anything else.

When the door finally opened, the doctor made his way out 
without glancing toward Mulder.  He lost no time getting 
back to her room.  She was lying on her side, her back to 
the door.  Mulder hesitated just moment, then he realized 
she was crying.  Fear raced up his spine.

"Scully?  Scully, what is it?"  He moved to her side, wanting 
to take her in his arms, but not wanting to scare her.  She 
still hadn't spoken.  "Scully, do you want me to call your 
mother?"

"No!"  She turned to look at him then, the depth of sorrow in 
her eyes taking his breath.

"Scully, please, are you . . . What did he tell you?"  Fear 
threatened to close his throat.

She looked so tiny, so alone.

"Scully, talk to me.  I . . . I know you don't think you know me 
right now, but believe me, somewhere in there you do.  You 

know me better than anyone.  And I know you.  Whatever 
he told you, please, let me help you."

She met his eyes then and in a very small voice asked, 
"Were we lovers?"

"Yes," he responded matter of factly.  It was true, if not full 
disclosure regarding the length of their physical 
involvement.  Her eyes filled again and his heart clutched.  
"Scully, you weren't raped.  I, I checked your file.  I'm sorry, I 
had to. There was no sexual assault.  Did he - "

"No, I wasn't raped.  They, they took my baby."

He blinked, unable to process her words.

"Did you know I was pregnant when they . . . " He sank 
down beside her on the bed, unable to stand.  "I guess not."

"How, how far along . . . "

"Ten to twelve weeks according to the examination."

His eyes closed.  Yes, the timing was right.  It hadn't crossed 
his mind.  "Are, are you okay, physically?"

She nodded.  "The doctor said it was a very so-sophisticated 
procedure they performed on me.  Who?  Mulder, who did 
this?  Why would someone do this?"

He shook his head.  Ideas immediately came to him that he 
had to push aside for now.  He couldn't handle it, not yet.  
"Scully, I, I don't know what to . . . " He moved closer to her 
and when she didn't pull away, took her into his arms.  She 
buried her face in his chest and sobbed.

He held her, murmuring soft sounds to her, rocking her.  
When the crying finally tapered off to hiccupping breaths, 
he thought she had fallen asleep.  Instead, she settled 
herself against him and looked up into his eyes.  "Did you 
and I ever talk about children?"


"No.  We never discussed it."  He brushed the hair back from 
her face.

"Did you, do you want children?"

He took a deep breath. "I never really thought about it for 
myself.  I wouldn't know how to be a father to anyone.  I 
didn't have much of a role model."

She nodded, not commenting.

"Scully, if I ever do have kids, I only want them with you."

Her eyes teared up again, but she didn't cry.  "You're in love 
with me."

"Yes."  There was no hesitation in his answer.  She felt that 
as well as heard it and seemed to relax even further.  
"Scully, you need to get some rest.  You were in a coma 
twenty-four hours ago.  I'll get you something from the 
nurse to help you sleep."

"No, please.  No drugs.  I've had enough drugs in my 
system."

He couldn't dispute that.  Byers' investigation agreed with 
her.  He nodded. "Okay, but lie back, close your eyes."

"Are you l-leaving?"  She was embarrassed that her voice 
shook slightly on that last word.  She didn't remember this 
man, but she knew him.  She trusted him.  She'd carried his 
child.

"I'm not going anywhere."  He pressed his lips to her 
forehead, "and I'm armed.  They can't get rid of me easily."

She gave a shaky chuckle that was half sob.  He helped her 
lie against the pillow.  "You're not leaving?"

"I'm not leaving.  I promise."  She didn't look completely 
reassured.  He toed off his shoes and reclined beside her, 
taking her in his arms.  "I'm right here."

He felt her slip under finally and let his eyes close for a 
moment.  He hadn't slept much last night.  Oh hell, he 
hadn't slept much in three months.  She was here, she was 
alive and she would remember him.  He turned his mind 
from anything else.  She was the only priority right now.

Separations - Part 3

"What in the world - " Mrs. Scully's voice woke him the next 
morning.  It was light outside.  Where . . . oh shit, he'd fallen 
asleep beside her in the narrow hospital bed.  He wouldn't 
have thought that was possible.  Not sleeping for three 
months had caught up with him.

"Mrs. Scully, I, uh . . . " He spotted Melissa behind the 
woman.  Her expression was carefully neutral.  Mulder 
disengaged himself from Scully's embrace, despite her 
murmured protests.  He stood silently in front of the two 
women.

"Fox, I don't know what to say," Mrs. Scully sounded cool, 
slightly distant.

"Yes ma'am.  I came by last night and she, we talked.  She, 
she wanted some reassurance, and - "

"Reassurance?"

"She wanted to know what was done to her, what she can't 
remember."

"You upset her?"  Mrs. Scully's voice was bordering on cold 
now.  Melissa was quiet behind her.

"He didn't upset me," Scully spoke from her bed, beginning 
to sit up.


Both Mulder and her mother moved to assist her 
automatically.  At the look on Mrs. Scully's face, he stepped 
back.

Once Scully was settled against her pillows, the bed slightly 
elevated, Scully faced her mother.  "I'm feeling a lot better 
actually.  Mulder made me feel safe."

He glanced over startled at that statement, but kept quiet.

"Maybe he did, Dana, but he should not have been - "

"In my bed?"  There was a slight smile on her face.  "Maybe 
not, but I appreciate it.  I needed the human contact."  Scully 
stopped at those words, as though remembering something, 
but it seemed to remain out of her grasp.

"Mulder, thank you.  I'm sure you need to get to work.  Could 
you, could you stop by this evening?"  Scully looked at him, 
a semblance of the strength he was used to surfacing.

"Of course."  He squeezed the hand she held out to him, 
nodded at the other two women and beat a hasty retreat.

*****

"Mulder," he spoke into the receiver without looking away 
from the computer screen.

"Hi."

"Scully.  How are you feeling?"  The sound of her voice 
easing him in a way he couldn't analyze.

"A little stronger.  I wanted to apologize for - "

"No.  No apology necessary.  I don't blame your mother for 
being upset."

He heard her sniff, then clear her throat.  "Then how about a 
thank you for last night?"

"I should be thanking you.  It was my first night's sleep since 
I lost you."

"I need to remember you, Mulder."

This time he hesitated. "I don't know; a clean slate.  It could 
only do my reputation good."

"Mulder, I didn't tell Mom or Missy about . . . "

"That's probably a good idea."

"There's no reason.  I don't want anyone to know, except 
you."

The lump in his throat prevented an immediate response.  
He had purposely put the pregnancy from his mind.  Now it 
hit him full force between the eyes.  They had created a 
child; she'd had a part of him with her.  That had been taken 
from her as well.  "Sc-Scully, I - "

"Could you come by?"

"Count on it.  Uh, what has the doctor said?"

She accepted the change of subject with gratitude.  "I'm 
going to start physical therapy tomorrow morning."

"So soon?" he asked immediately.

"I need to get my stamina back.  I want out of here, I want . . . 
I want to get my life back.  I need to talk to you about that."

"About what?"

"My job, being ex-partners."  There was silence on the 
phone.  "Mulder?"

"I'll be over after five.  Will your mother be there?"

"I told her to get some rest.  She's been here at the hospital 
for days.  I've sent her home," Scully offered.

"Melissa?" he asked.

"She left earlier, to run some errands.  I don't know if she'll 
be back, but you're not worried about her seeing you, are 
you?"

"She didn't look very friendly this morning either.  I don't 

want to upset your family."

"The doctor's here, I'll see you later."  Scully disconnected 
the call and he sat looking at the receiver.

He needed to wrap his mind around what had happened, 
not the abduction, the pregnancy.  That night they had used 
no protection.  He knew she was on the pill and he knew he 
was clean.  Celibacy made that fairly easy.  He hadn't given 
a thought to any of her former partners either.  Okay, 
irresponsible, but it had just not crossed his mind that a 
child might be conceived that night.  It should have.

Time seemed to crawl until he felt he could slip out without 
comment.  At least he was back in the basement, back on 
the X-Files.  And Scully was back, alive.

She was alone in her room when he looked through the 
glass in the door.  She seemed to be sleeping, but he 
needed to be with her.  He pushed the door open quietly, 
but she opened her eyes.  "Mulder."

"I didn't mean to wake you."  He stepped to her side.

"You didn't.  I've been waiting.  I have a lot of questions."

"There's no hurry, Scully.  You should get your strength 
back first."

"How strenuous is it, listening to you tell me about my life?"  
She watched him.


He finally shrugged and took the seat next to her.  She held 
out her hand and he took it, caressing the back of it with his 
thumb.

"That feels familiar."  She watched him.

"I held your hand while you were unconscious.  I, I talked to 
you, trying to get you to come back to me."

"I did."  She managed a small smile.

"Are you okay?"

"I've thought a lot about what the doctor told me yesterday."  
Her hand came up to caress her abdomen.  "I need to know 
you.  I need to remember."

Anguish engulfed him again.

"We're 'ex-partners'.  Is that because I was kidnapped, or did 
something happen before?"

"Abducted," he automatically corrected.

"I don't understand."

"It doesn't matter.  It's a long story.  Scully, take your time."

"Why is everyone doing this?"  Her voice was raised, her 
obvious frustration startling him.  "The doctor won't let me 
see my records, Mom doesn't want to talk about how I was 
taken, you won't tell me about our work.  What's going on?  
What won't anyone tell me?"  Her agitation frightened him.

"Scully, don't.  I will tell you what you want to know.  You 
just need to get stronger.  I nearly lost you.  I won't wear you 
out; I won't put you in, in danger."  He stumbled over the 
word, the implication of her remembering suddenly hitting 
him.

"Mulder?"

"You're here again?"  They both turned, startled, at Melissa's 
voice.

"I asked him to come."  Scully looked over at her sister.

"Maybe I should come back later.  Or are you planning to 
sleep here again tonight?"

Scully looked over at her, her brow furrowing.  Mulder's face 
darkened, but he kept quiet.

"Melissa, do you have a problem?"

Missy opened her mouth to respond, but stopped and shook 
her head.  "No.  I didn't mean to interrupt.  I just saw your 
doctor; he's talking about your miraculous recovery.  He 
even said something about releasing you by the end of the 
week if things continue to improve."

"The end of the week?"  Mulder asked, surprised.

"Apparently."  Missy looked over at him.  "Well, I'll give you a 
little privacy."

"Melissa, have I done something?  I mean, waking up here 
doesn't . . . "

"I guess I'm confused.  You couldn't be bothered to come 
see her when we all thought she was dying, but now you're 
here all of the time."

Mulder blinked, she didn't know.  Before he could respond, 
Scully spoke up.  "He was here.  He sat with me before I 
woke up.  Nurse Owens told me that he had just left when I 
woke up.  They tried to catch him.  He brought me back."

Missy glanced over at Scully, then back at Mulder.  "I didn't 
know.  I apologize, and, and I thank you.  I told you if she 
lived it would be because of you."  She nodded to the silent 
man.  "Dana, I'll see you later."  She kissed her sister's 
cheek and left.

*****

"Mom," Scully glanced at her mother, then at Missy and 
finally Mulder.  "The doctor is talking about releasing me.  
I'm recovering and - "


"Dana, that's wonderful.  I'll get a room set up for you at the 
house."

"I . . .I appreciate that, but I think I'd rather be at my 
apartment."

"Dana, Honey, I had to," her mother paused, obviously 
uncomfortable.  "I had to let your apartment go.  I'm sorry, I 
didn't think . . .  It was just too much for me, so I asked your 
landlord to have everything packed up and put in storage.  
It's all - "

"I don't have an apartment?"  She was obviously stunned at 
the news.  She looked over at Mulder automatically as 
though for strength.

"Uh," he looked damned uncomfortable, but she was upset.  
"That's not entirely accurate."

All three women looked at him then, and he fought the 
desire to get away from all of them.  "I, I couldn't let the 
apartment go.  I paid the rent, everything's still there."

A smile grew on Scully's face even as Mrs. Scully looked 
outraged.  After a moment, Mrs. Scully drew herself up.  
"Well, I guess you had more faith than I did."

Mulder paled at that. "Mrs. Scully, I - "

"You were right, Fox."  She rose. "Thank you."  She turned 
toward her daughters. "I need to get some air."

"Mrs. Scully, you don't understand."  He stood as well. "I 
couldn't . . . she's all I have, all I've ever . . . " Mrs. Scully 
didn't look at him, she just left the room.  Melissa looked 
over at him, then followed her mother out.

He wiped his hand across his face.  "Scully, I didn't mean to 
upset - "

"Mulder, don't.  Thank you, thank you for believing I would 
come home."

He shook his head. "I couldn't believe anything else."

"I want to get out of here.  I don't want you to have any 
excuse not to talk to me, about everything."  Her eyes pinned 
his and after a moment he nodded.

*****

Scully was in the bedroom when he heard the knock on the 
door.  He glanced in that direction, then decided to go 
ahead and open the door.  A large man stood in the door 
and seemed surprised to see him.

"May I help you?"  Mulder asked.


"Who are you?" the man with short ginger hair demanded 
belligerently.

"Fox Mulder, and you are - " That was all he got out before 
the fist connected with his jaw.  Mulder staggered 
backwards, knocking into the table and causing the lamp to 
fall onto the couch.

"What the - " Mulder ducked as the man came toward him 
again.  He jerked the larger man around and got him into a 
choke hold.  By then Scully had hobbled into the room with 
her cane.

"Bill?  What's going on?"  She spotted the blood trickling 
down Mulder's chin.

Bill?  Her brother?  Oh shit.  Mulder released him and 
stepped back.  The glare Bill sent him would have felled a 
lesser man.

"Bill, what are you doing!"  She grabbed his arm.

"This is the shithead that's devastated Mom."  He jerked his 
arm away.  "You should be at home with her.  You nearly 
died because of this asshole.  What the hell are you doing 
here with him?"

"Bill, calm down.  Please, have a seat.  We can talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm here to take you to Mom's 
house.  She thinks you hate her for giving up on you."

"No!  Bill, that's not what happened.  She didn't give up on 
me.  I understand what she did.  She needed to move on, for 
her that meant buying the headstone, letting this apartment 
go.  I'm not upset with her.  I'm here because I need to move 
on too.  I want to get my life back, Bill.  I want to remember."

"Then why is he here?"

"Because I feel safer when he's here," she spoke quietly.  
Mulder kept his mouth closed, but he reeled at that 
statement.

"Safer!  He's the reason you were kidnapped in the first 
place!"

"No, Bill.  He was devastated by what happened to me.  He 
searched for me.  He, he talked me into living when I wasn't 
sure what to do."

Bill's eyes narrowed.  "You sound like Melissa," he spat.

"Bill, please sit down.  We need to talk."

He ignored that again. "Are you coming with me?"

"No, Bill.  I need to - "

"Stay then."  His eyes narrowed.  "It's a good thing Dad's not 
here for you to break his heart again."

Mulder's eyes widened at the pain that blossomed on her 
face.  He hadn't been sure they had told her about her 
father's death.  How could this man hurt her this way?

The large man turned in one fluid motion and rammed his 
fist into Mulder's stomach.  Mulder doubled over then fell to 
his knees.  "Mulder!"  She dropped her cane and sank to the 
floor beside him as Bill sneered, then stomped out leaving 
the door open.

"Mulder?"  She reached for him wanting to help.  

He shook his head and tried to wave her away.  She 
refused to go, helping him to his feet and supporting him to 
the couch, her own infirmities forgotten.  He sat, but she 
encouraged him to recline.

"Mulder?  Talk to me."

He shook his head, his lips still pressed together, trying 
desperately not to lose his lunch.  Her cool hand on his 
brow helped and he managed some deeper breaths.

"That's right, deep breaths.  Just relax.  I'll get some ice for 
your jaw."  He grabbed her hand and she relaxed, staying at 
his side.

When his breath had evened out and he felt more secure, 
he sat up slowly.

"Mulder, I'm so sorry."

He shrugged. "How many more members of the family do I 
have to meet?" 

She managed a chuckle. "Only one more; my little brother, 
Charlie.  I think you can take him."

"I don't think I can even take Melissa at this point.  And I 
know your mother can take me."  He looked mournful.

Scully nodded. "None of us can take Mom.  Let me get that 
ice for you."  She retrieved her cane.

He allowed her to leave his side then. She shut the door to 
the apartment, then moved to the kitchen.  When she 
returned, he sat the rest of the way up and patted the seat 
beside him.  "I'm supposed to be looking after you."

"You are.  You're helping me feel normal again."  She 
pressed the ice bag gently to his jaw.

"You remember patching me up is normal?" he tried for a 
light note.  "You should call your mother."

She sighed. "I know."

"I'll give you some privacy."

"I don't need - "

"I'll be in the bathroom."


"Are you okay?" she asked quickly.

"Yeah.  Go ahead and make your call." He squeezed her 
hand and rose from the couch.

It didn't look like she had moved when he returned.  
"Scully?"

"I couldn't . . . I can't talk to her yet.  'Break his 
heart again'.  What does that mean?  How did I hurt Ahab?"

He sat beside her and pulled her close.  "You didn't hurt - "

"What was he talking about?  Why does he think you're the 
reason I was taken?  Mulder, I have to know."  She pulled 
away slightly.

He wanted to comfort her, but she needed answers.  "I 
believe there was some . . . concern on your father's part 
when you joined the FBI."

"Did he tell you that?"

"I never got the chance to meet him.  We'd only been 
partners a few weeks when he had his heart attack."

"He really is gone, isn't he?  I mean, I don't think anyone 
would lie about that, but it doesn't feel like he's gone.  I feel 
like I saw him, talked to him, just a couple of days ago." She 
swiped a tear away.  "What kind of concerns?"

"Well, it can be dangerous work and you had gone through 
medical school."


"Wasn't I using medicine?"

"Yes.  With me, I usually needed patching up daily, but 
before me you were teaching pathology at the Academy and 
your science has been invaluable on our cases."

"Our cases.  Is that with the X-Files?"

He froze. "Who mentioned the X-Files to you?"

"AD Skinner."

"He called you?"

"No, he came by to see me."

"Came by, when?"

"Yesterday, while you were at work."

"Oh."  He wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"I take it he was our boss."

"He shouldn't have bothered you."

"He didn't bother me.  It was nice to have the company.  He 
wasn't the only company I had."

"Who else?"  He was tense now, had anyone given her 
information?

"Three guys.  One of them was normal, dressed in a suit, 
with a beard.  One had long blond hair and the other one . . . 
"

"Frohike."

"Yes, that was it.  He said they were friends of ours, and that 
they helped us with our work."  She stopped then, watching 
his face.  "Don't panic, Mulder.  They didn't tell me anything 
about our work.  No one has, but you're going to fix that.  
Tonight, right?"

"Scully - "

"I have to know.  Are you going to back out on me?  Do I 
need to call that Frohike guy?"  She was teasing him, but 
she saw the tension in his arms and his back at her words.  
The smile slipped off of her face and she seemed to wilt.

"Scully - "

"If it really is that bad, why am I so . . . drawn to you?"

He swallowed then.  Drawn to him.  She was and if he was 
honest, she had been even before, he hadn't admitted it but 
after Arecibo . . . And he sure as hell was drawn to her.  That 
should lead to honesty, sharing.  But sharing, at least in this 
case, meant . . . what?

He reached for her and she took his hand.  "They sent you 
to me, to destroy me, Scully.  This wasn't supposed to 
happen, we weren't supposed to happen."

"Who sent me?"

He gave an unamused laugh at that.  "Good question."  He 
sighed and she moved closer.

"If that's too hard, start earlier.  Why do they call you 
"Spooky'? Is it because of these X-Files?"

He took a deep breath, "No, it was before that.  I was 
recruited to be a profiler.  We're the ones that find out who 
by studying why and how."  She nodded.  "It's . . . nasty, 
getting into their heads, thinking like they do, reveling in 
their evil.  Turns out I'm real good at it.  Haven't ever wanted 
to investigate what that says about me."  He gave her a 
weak smile and she cuddled into him.  He closed his eyes 
and continued.  "I hated it.  I hated the way I was while I was 
doing it, I hated the time it took me to recover from it, but, like 
I said, I was good.  The Bureau was very happy with me.  I 
was making connections, solving cases that others just 
couldn't see.  

"That's when they started with the Spooky comments.  I was 
'too' good at it.  Meanwhile, I was looking for a padded cell.  I 
started disappearing into the basement to just escape when 
I could, and I found all these old files, unsolved cases.  For 
the hell of it, and to get my mind off of the filth I was used 
too, I started reading them.  Scully, I couldn't believe what 
they had just thrown away.  My 'spookiness' worked there 
too and I asked permission to look into some of the cases.  
They didn't want to refuse me; I was too valuable to them.  I 
thought about quitting until I found the X-Files, then . . . I 
didn't want to leave them.  Rather than have me quit, they 
gave me some leeway and I looked at a few cases.  Problem 
was, I solved them.  Turns out they weren't unsolved as 
much as 'let's not face this' stuff.  Finally they gave me 
permission for an experimental department with the proviso 
that they would saddle me with a partner of their choosing."

"I think I'm about to enter the story," she said softly.

"Yeah," she could hear his smile.  "You were chosen.  You 
were everything they were looking for, major in Physics, a 
forensic pathologist, very by-the-book agent.  The perfect foil 
for my idiocy.  They were sure you'd shut me down in days.  
They only overlooked one thing."

"What?"

"Your integrity.  You didn't immediately dismiss everything I 
believed.  You did make me work for it, and I couldn't always 
come up with hard proof of my theories, but then you 
couldn't always come up with proof that I was wrong and 
you admitted it.  They were not happy about that.  We got too 
close, Scully.  I think we were right at getting the proof I, we 
needed, so they shut us down, separated us.  What they 
never counted on was the bond we'd created, the personal 
bond."

"They didn't expect me to fall in love with you," she said.

"Neither did I," he whispered.

"Tell me about the X-Files."


It was late, well after three when he let the words trail off.  He was
hoarse.  The sound of him was now a physical sensation against her
body.  The things he had said made little sense.

She said nothing, just watching him.

He gave her a bittersweet smile.  "I guess you're ready to call the
guys in the white coats."

"No."

"Come on, Scully.  Hearing it all said out loud like that, I want to
call them."  He sighed and glanced at his watch.  "I didn't realize . .
. you need to be in bed."  He lifted her gently into his arms.  Instead
of the protest he would have gotten before, she rested her head on his
shoulder.  He looked down at her for a long moment, then carried her
into her bedroom.

He lay her gently on the bed and pulled the covers up over her.

"Mulder?  Aren't you coming to bed?"

"I'm not sure I - "

"Mulder, please."

He nodded and slipped his jeans off, then crawled under the covers with
her.  She cuddled into his side, then pulled back, plucking at his
t-shirt.

"What?"

"Skin please."

His lips parted in surprise.  He'd thought she'd be afraid of him after
those revelations.

She took his lower lip with hers, nipping it.  She cuddled in once his
shirt lay on the floor.

"Scully, are you sure . . . You heard me, you heard all of those things
I said."

"I did."  She said nothing else, just nestling in.  He had no answer
for that so he held her.  Shortly the relaxation of her body let him
know she had fallen asleep.

He lay there awake, going over what he had told her.  God, it did sound
insane.  Maybe she had let him stay so that he wouldn't be out on the
streets.  He shouldn't be here.  She should be with her family, her
mother.  What was he thinking?

She shifted, moving one of her legs between his and burrowing into his
chest.

She felt safer with him.  Finally he slept.

*****

He eased out of the bed the next morning; she sighed and burrowed into
his pillow but didn't wake.  He started a pot of coffee, then took a
quick shower.  He was in the kitchen looking for her favorite mug when
he realized she had joined him.

"You should still be asleep," he scolded mildly.

"My heat got up and left," she smiled.

"Are you cold?" he glanced toward the thermostat.

"No, just unsnuggled."

"Is that a word?" he asked as his arms went around her.

"It is now." She sighed, leaning against him.  This was new, a side of
Scully she had kept hidden from him.  She wasn't hiding now; she
trusted him even though she had to know he had kept things from her.
For instance, how long they had been lovers.  The baby had been his,
but she had no idea they had only been together, together like that,
once.

"Are you going to work?" she took the seat he held for her and then the
mug.

"Nope, I don't want to leave you alone today.  I'll have to go in
tomorrow, at least for a little while."

"Am I keeping you from some eerie case?"

"No.  I mean, I can always find an X-File to work on if I dig enough,
but nothing I can't let lie for a few days."

"Would you bring one home, tomorrow, and let me see what we're talking
about?  It could be one of the old ones, one we solved."

It took him a minute; 'home' was that here?  For him?  "What?  Oh,
yeah, I'll see what I can dig up."

"Something 'spooky', okay?" she grinned up at him as he rolled his
eyes.

The phone rang as he was cleaning up their breakfast dishes.  She
didn't make a move.  "Uh, do you want me to get that?"

She sighed.  "No, I'll do it."  She rose slowly, waving off his help
and picked up the receiver in the living room.  "Hello?"

Mulder moved to the far end of the kitchen.  It wasn't that big an
apartment.

"Not if I have to see Bill," she said firmly.  "Because he assaulted
Mulder last night.  Out of the blue, just hit him.  No, Mulder did not
hit him back.  Look, Missy, I don't want to fight, but I need to be
here, with Mulder, to get myself back together.  I'm missing over a
year of my life, I need to be here.  I would never want to hurt Mom,
but I have to look after me right now.  I have to find my way back.
Mulder is part of that, a bigger part than you know."

Mulder winced but kept quiet.

"I would love to have you come over, and Mom, Bill if he can behave.  I
don't want to shut anyone out, but right now I can't let anyone shut
others out either.  Do you understand that?  Yeah, okay.  Yes, tonight
would be fine.  Thanks."  She hung up and turned to see Mulder
studiously putting away their meager silverware.  "If it takes you that
long for a couple of forks, we're in trouble."

"Just trying to give you some privacy," he moved toward her.
"Tonight?"

"Mom wants to bring dinner over, a peace offering."

"Good.  I can head over to - "

"You can stay right here."

"I'll come back, but you need some time - "

"With Mom and you together," she finished for him.

"Scully - " but her expression stopped him.  "Should I wear Kevlar?"

She grinned and hugged him, then headed to the bedroom to dress.
Mulder watched her, his heart sinking.

*****

The place looked good; he'd done more housework this afternoon than in
the last three years at his place.  It did make a difference, not that
he'd admit that.  He looked up to see her watching him from the
hallway.  "What?"


"Did we live together?"


"No."


"You know my place pretty well," she observed.


"I liked hanging out here, and while you were gone . . . "


"You came over?" she asked, a little surprised.  He shrugged.  "Thank
you."


"What time will she be here?"


"Any minute."


"Just her?"


"I don't know, but no one's going to hit you.  I can promise that."


"You'll protect me?"


"Count on it."  She moved closer and he noted her cane was missing.
She moved into his arms and they were kissing when the bell rang.


"Lousing timing," he groused.


"Trust a mom."  She wiped a smudge of lipstick from his lips and turned
toward the door.  He stopped her, taking one last kiss, then went to
open the door himself.


Mrs. Scully and Melissa stood there, casserole dishes in their hands.
"Let me take those," he offered as a welcome and got away into the
kitchen as quickly as possible.  He hung out in there while the three
women greeted each other, Scully obviously acting as peace maker.


When he finally rejoined them, Mrs. Scully and Scully were seated on
the couch, Melissa in the chair.


"Fox, I wanted to apologize for Bill's actions last night."


"No," Mulder was shaking his head, "no need.  He was looking after his
family.  I probably had it coming, if not from him, from someone.  I'm
fine."


"Thank you," Mrs. Scully nodded, still a little cool, but not hostile.
"Why don't we go ahead and eat while it's still warm?"


They ate, keeping the conversation going.  Mulder obviously enjoyed the
food and had Scully chuckling when he took thirds of the pot roast.
The atmosphere did warm up, with the women talking about recipes and
family meals.


Mulder offered to wash dishes again while they visited.  "Why don't I
help you, Fox."  Mrs. Scully rose.  Mulder glanced over at Scully, who
nodded.


"I, uh, thank you."  He was obviously uncomfortable, but she seemed
determined.  While he was drying the dishes, she wiped out the sink and
then turned to look at him.  He tensed immediately.


"I want to ask you about something you said, Fox."


"Sure," he steeled himself for whatever she was going to say.


"At the hospital, you said 'she's all I have, all I've ever had'.  What
did you mean?"


Well he hadn't been expecting that.  He stared down at the dish in his
hand for a long moment.  "I probably shouldn't have said that, but it
feels true.  I don't know if Scully ever told you, before I mean, I
have a sister, Samantha.  When she was eight and I was twelve she was
taken.  It was like Scully, the light, the absolutely no clues,
everything."


"Fox, I'm sorry.  No, she didn't tell me.  How long was she gone?"


"I'm still looking for her," he said flatly.


Mrs. Scully's hand came to her mouth.  "Oh Fox, how horrible for your
family."


He nodded.  "It was the last straw.   My parents divorced shortly after
that and I lived with Mom until I went to England."


"I'm sure you were a great comfort to her."


Mulder shook his head.  "I think she would have preferred a daughter
actually."


She didn't correct him, watching him for a moment.  "I see.  Thank you
for sharing that with me, Fox.  I do understand better."


"I don't have more faith, Mrs. Scully.  In fact I have very little, but
I couldn't . . . "


She nodded and gave him a quick hug.  "I'll go check on Dana."


He nodded mutely and didn't watch as she left the room.  He finished
putting the dishes away, giving them time together.  He wiped his hands
as Melissa came to the door.  "We're getting ready to leave.  Dana
needs some rest."


He moved in that direction


Once they were alone, he insisted she get ready for bed while he set up
the coffee for the next morning.  After he had her safely tucked in he
got ready for bed himself.  She was still awake when he came back to
the bedroom.


"You can't be sleepy, Mulder.  It's too early."


"Maybe, but I can hold you until you fall asleep."


She smiled then and scooted over to give him room.  He crawled in and
took her into his arms.  "Thank you."


"For what?" he pulled her closer.


"For having my mother over here, and telling her whatever you did."


"She's your mother.  She's important."


"Do I know your mother?"


He shook his head.  "Close your eyes.  You need to rest."  She realized
he was changing the subject and allowed it, one more thing she needed
to remember.  She cuddled in and very shortly was breathing easily
beside him.


He lay there, just enjoying the rise and fall of her chest, the warmth
of her breath.  When he was sure she was deeply asleep, he eased
carefully out of the bed.  He didn't even make it to the door.  She
moaned, reaching for him and becoming more agitated when she didn't
find him.


Even as he turned back toward the bed she sat bolt upright.  "No!"  She
jerked, waking and he was there, his arms going around her.  She
clutched at him trembling violently.


"It's okay, Scully.  It was only a dream.  I've got you."


She didn't reply, only burrowing into his chest.  When her trembling
finally began to lessen, he made her more comfortable on the bed,
curling around her.  "You should try to sleep, Scully."


"No. No, I don't want - "


"I'll be right here.  It's only a dream."


She shook her head.


"Can you talk about it?  That can make it - "


"No."


"Believe me, I have some experience - "


"No, I mean I don't remember.  When I opened my eyes the dream was
gone, just the, the terror . . ."


"Okay, but it's over.  I'll be holding you."


"I, I can't."


"Okay, just lay here.  Let me hold you."  At that she nodded.


He held her, caressing her arm gently and she did finally fall asleep.
It wasn't long before she became agitated again.  He hadn't been about
to leave this time.


His presence didn't seem to help this time.  She couldn't find him even
though he had his arms around him.  He was talking to her, trying to
reach her when she screamed herself awake.


"Scully, it's okay.  You're back, you're here with me."  He kept his
arms around her but she was shaking violently.  "Can you hear me?  You
know you're awake.  I've got you.  I'm not letting go, Scully.  I'm
right here."


It took a long time to calm her down even a little bit.  She was
gripping him with all of her strength, but now only trembled
occasionally.  When he felt she could hear him, he leaned back a little
so he could see her face.  "Let me get you some water."


She shook her head, her hand still holding his hand to her side.


"Tell me what you need?"


"Don't let go of me."


"I won't.  Try to relax.  I'm right here."


She let her eyes slip closed.  She lay there in his arms, occasionally
her body would tremble, a couple of times she shook violently.  He held
her, murmuring to her.  She was remembering, that was obvious.  Could
her body take this?  Hell, could her mind?


After what seemed like hours she slipped into a semi-conscious state.
He knew she wasn't asleep, but maybe she was finally getting some
rest.  He curled around her, knowing he would wake if she moved, and
let his eyes close.


He woke to find her watching him through slitted eyes.  "Scully?  Can
you hear me?"


She nodded.


"How do you feel?"


She closed her eyes rather than answer.


"Let me get you something, brandy?"


"No."  Her grip tightened on his arm.


"Scully, it's okay.  I'm right here, but I need to use the facilities
and I'm sure you do too.  Then I'll run you a hot bath - "


"No, a shower.  I, I need to wash it away."


"Okay, a shower.  I'll be right back."  She shuddered as he left the
bed.  He stopped and kissed her forehead.  "Right back."


He was, but she was shivering uncontrollably again.  He gathered her up
against him and carried her to the bathroom.  "I'm right here."


She nodded and took hold of the door frame.  "Can you walk?"  Again she
nodded and closed the door behind her.  The sound of her retching had
him back inside with her.  There was nothing on her stomach, but she
was collapsed on the floor.


"God, I'm going to call 911 - "


"Don't!"  Her voice was harsh, unused, but adamant.


"Scully, you need help."


"You, you help."


He just looked at her for a long moment.  "Let's get you cleaned up.
We'll take a shower.  I don't think you can stand that long alone."  He
thought she nodded, but couldn't be sure.  He adjusted the water, then
stripped down to his boxers.  He knelt beside her then, and gently
removed her clothes.


He lifted her into the tub and held her against him as the water
sluiced down them.  He supported her as he washed her.  She only
flinched when his hands left her.  When the water cooled, he lifted her
from the tub and sat her on the side to dry her.


He covered her with her terrycloth robe, then dried himself off and saw
she was rising to her feet.  "Let's get you something to eat."  She
shook her head.  "You need something on your stomach.  You can keep me
company."


Scully didn't argue with that until he started to lift her.  "Let me
walk."


"Okay.  The kitchen."  He sat her at the table and fixed her hot tea to
drink while he cooked.  He scrambled eggs and made toast and sat a
small plate in front of her.  "It's not that much.  Try to eat it.  You
need the protein."


He sat beside her with the same menu, and watched as she ate.  The
taste triggered some light hunger and she did eat most of the food.  He
insisted she finish the juice.


She sat back then.  "I remember."


He nodded.  That was what he had assumed from her trauma.


"We were only together once."


"I've loved you longer."


"I know.  We got pregnant the first time."


"Scully - "


"Why would they take it?"


"Maybe it was a mis - "


"They didn't believe in anesthesia."


He blanched at those words.  "They - "


She faced him then.  "Why are they here?  What do they want from us?"


He shook his head, still unable to speak from her last revelation.  She
watched him, watched the guilt consume him once again.


"Mulder?"


"I'm sorry.  Scully, I'm so - "


She shook her head.  "I need to know why."


"I don't know, because you were working with me, because we got close
to learning - "


"I want to know everything you've studied, I need to know.  Why did
they return me and not Samantha?  Why did they take our . . . I have to
know.  I have to go back to work."  She saw the fear take over his
face.  "What?"


"Step away, Scully.  Don't put yourself in their sights again.  Let me
investigate.  I want you to go back to Quantico, teach, stay away from
- "


"You sound like Bill, and I can't do it, I won't.  What if they take
you?  What if they take you?" her voice broke when she repeated it.  "I
couldn't stand it.  Mulder, please. We can't be separated again, I have
to help you."


"I'm supposed to just let you put yourself in danger again?"  He
steeled himself as tears overflowed her eyes.


"Together, Mulder.  We have to be together.  They had separated us, the
Bureau had separated us.  We have to find this together.  You said the
X-Files had been reopened.  You and I are the only ones that can
investigate these things.  Skinner knows that.  Don't push me away."


His eyes widened in shock.  "I'm not pushing you away, Scully.  I could
never . . . remember I couldn't even admit to you we only slept
together once."


She seemed to relax a little at those words.


"I want us to be together.  I never want you out of my sight again, but
what if they realize you remember?  You'll be in even more danger."


She thought about that and after a moment nodded.  "Okay, I hear that.
So I don't let anyone know I remember what happened while I was . . .
but my work at the FBI, my forensic training, that's all back.  I only
'lost' the time I was missing.  That could work and we can be very
careful with our investigation."


"Can we be careful enough?"  Now he sounded as scared as she did.


"We'll have to be.  Mulder, we'll have to be."

Separations - Part 4


It was late, well after three when he let the words trail off.  He was 
hoarse.  The sound of him was now a physical sensation against her 
body.  The things he had said made little sense.

She said nothing, just watching him.

He gave her a bittersweet smile.  "I guess you're ready to call the 
guys in the white coats."

"No."

"Come on, Scully.  Hearing it all said out loud like that, I want to 
call them."  He sighed and glanced at his watch.  "I didn't realize . 
. . you need to be in bed."  He lifted her gently into his arms.  
Instead of the protest he would have gotten before, she rested her 
head on his shoulder.  He looked down at her for a long moment, then 
carried her into her bedroom.

He lay her gently on the bed and pulled the covers up over her.

"Mulder?  Aren't you coming to bed?"

"I'm not sure I - "

"Mulder, please."

He nodded and slipped his jeans off, then crawled under the covers 
with her.  She cuddled into his side, then pulled back, plucking at 
his t-shirt.

"What?"

"Skin please."

His lips parted in surprise.  He'd thought she'd be afraid of him 
after those revelations.


She took his lower lip with hers, nipping it.  She cuddled in once his 
shirt lay on the floor.

"Scully, are you sure . . . You heard me, you heard all of those 
things I said."

"I did."  She said nothing else, just nestling in.  He had no answer 
for that so he held her.  Shortly the relaxation of her body let him 
know she had fallen asleep.

He lay there awake, going over what he had told her.  God, it did 
sound insane.  Maybe she had let him stay so that he wouldn't be out 
on the streets.  He shouldn't be here.  She should be with her family, 
her mother.  What was he thinking?

She shifted, moving one of her legs between his and burrowing into his 
chest.

She felt safer with him.  Finally he slept.

*****

He eased out of the bed the next morning; she sighed and burrowed into 
his pillow but didn't wake.  He started a pot of coffee, then took a 
quick shower.  He was in the kitchen looking for her favorite mug when 
he realized she had joined him.

"You should still be asleep," he scolded mildly.

"My heat got up and left," she smiled.

"Are you cold?" he glanced toward the thermostat.

"No, just unsnuggled."

"Is that a word?" he asked as his arms went around her.

"It is now." She sighed, leaning against him.  This was new, a side of 
Scully she had kept hidden from him.  She wasn't hiding now; she 
trusted him even though she had to know he had kept things from her.  
For instance, how long they had been lovers.  The baby had been his, 
but she had no idea they had only been together, together like that, 
once.

"Are you going to work?" she took the seat he held for her and then 
the mug.

"Nope, I don't want to leave you alone today.  I'll have to go in 
tomorrow, at least for a little while."

"Am I keeping you from some eerie case?"

"No.  I mean, I can always find an X-File to work on if I dig enough, 
but nothing I can't let lie for a few days."

"Would you bring one home, tomorrow, and let me see what we're talking 
about?  It could be one of the old ones, one we solved."

It took him a minute; 'home' was that here?  For him?  "What?  Oh, 
yeah, I'll see what I can dig up."

"Something 'spooky', okay?" she grinned up at him as he rolled his 
eyes.


The phone rang as he was cleaning up their breakfast dishes.  She 
didn't make a move.  "Uh, do you want me to get that?"

She sighed.  "No, I'll do it."  She rose slowly, waving off his help 
and picked up the receiver in the living room.  "Hello?"

Mulder moved to the far end of the kitchen.  It wasn't that big an 
apartment.

"Not if I have to see Bill," she said firmly.  "Because he assaulted 
Mulder last night.  Out of the blue, just hit him.  No, Mulder did not 
hit him back.  Look, Missy, I don't want to fight, but I need to be 
here, with Mulder, to get myself back together.  I'm missing over a 
year of my life, I need to be here.  I would never want to hurt Mom, 
but I have to look after me right now.  I have to find my way back.  
Mulder is

part of that, a bigger part than you know."


Mulder winced but kept quiet.

"I would love to have you come over, and Mom, Bill if he can behave.  
I don't want to shut anyone out, but right now I can't let anyone shut 
others out either.  Do you understand that?  Yeah, okay.  Yes, tonight 
would be fine.  Thanks."  She hung up and turned to see Mulder 
studiously putting away their meager silverware.  "If it takes you 
that long for a

couple of forks, we're in trouble."

"Just trying to give you some privacy," he moved toward her.  
"Tonight?"

"Mom wants to bring dinner over, a peace offering."

"Good.  I can head over to - "

"You can stay right here."

"I'll come back, but you need some time - "

"With Mom and you together," she finished for him.

"Scully - " but her expression stopped him.  "Should I wear Kevlar?"

She grinned and hugged him, then headed to the bedroom to dress.  
Mulder watched her, his heart sinking.

*****

The place looked good; he'd done more housework this

afternoon than in the last three years at his place.  It did make a 
difference, not that he'd admit that.  He looked up to see her 
watching him from the hallway.  "What?"

"Did we live together?"

"No."

"You know my place pretty well," she observed.

"I liked hanging out here, and while you were gone . . . "

"You came over?" she asked, a little surprised.  He shrugged.  "Thank 
you."


"What time will she be here?"

"Any minute."

"Just her?"

"I don't know, but no one's going to hit you.  I can promise that."

"You'll protect me?"

"Count on it."  She moved closer and he noted her cane was missing.  
She moved into his arms and they were kissing when the bell rang.

"Lousing timing," he groused.

"Trust a mom."  She wiped a smudge of lipstick from his lips and 
turned toward the door.  He stopped her, taking one last kiss, then 
went to open the door himself.

Mrs. Scully and Melissa stood there, casserole dishes in their hands.  
"Let me take those," he offered as a welcome

and got away into the kitchen as quickly as possible.  He hung out in 
there while the three women greeted each other, Scully obviously 
acting as peace maker.

When he finally rejoined them, Mrs. Scully and Scully were seated on 
the couch, Melissa in the chair.


"Fox, I wanted to apologize for Bill's actions last night."

"No," Mulder was shaking his head, "no need.  He was looking after his 
family.  I probably had it coming, if not from him, from someone.  
I'm fine."

"Thank you," Mrs. Scully nodded, still a little cool, but not hostile.  
"Why don't we go ahead and eat while it's still warm?"

They ate, keeping the conversation going.  Mulder obviously enjoyed 
the food and had Scully chuckling when he took thirds of the pot 
roast.  The atmosphere did warm up, with the women talking about 
recipes and family meals.

Mulder offered to wash dishes again while they visited.  "Why don't I 
help you, Fox."  Mrs. Scully rose.  Mulder glanced over at Scully, who 
nodded.

"I, uh, thank you."  He was obviously uncomfortable, but she seemed 
determined.  While he was drying the dishes, she wiped out the sink 
and then turned to look at him.  He tensed immediately.


"I want to ask you about something you said, Fox."

"Sure," he steeled himself for whatever she was going to say.

"At the hospital, you said 'she's all I have, all I've ever had'.  
What did you mean?"

Well he hadn't been expecting that.  He stared down at the dish in his 
hand for a long moment.  "I probably shouldn't have said that, but it 
feels true.  I don't know if Scully ever told you, before I mean, I 
have a sister, Samantha.  When she was eight and I was twelve she was 
taken.  It was like Scully, the light, the absolutely no clues, 
everything."

"Fox, I'm sorry.  No, she didn't tell me.  How long was she gone?"

"I'm still looking for her," he said flatly.

Mrs. Scully's hand came to her mouth.  "Oh Fox, how horrible for your 
family."

He nodded.  "It was the last straw.  My parents divorced shortly after 
that and I lived with Mom until I went to England."

"I'm sure you were a great comfort to her."

Mulder shook his head.  "I think she would have preferred a daughter 
actually."

She didn't correct him, watching him for a moment.  "I see.  Thank you 
for sharing that with me, Fox.  I do understand better."

"I don't have more faith, Mrs. Scully.  In fact I have very little, 
but I couldn't . . . "

She nodded and gave him a quick hug.  "I'll go check on Dana."


He nodded mutely and didn't watch as she left the room.  He finished 
putting the dishes away, giving them time together.  He wiped his 
hands as Melissa came to the door.  "We're getting ready to leave.  
Dana needs some rest."

He moved in that direction

Once they were alone, he insisted she get ready for bed while he set 
up the coffee for the next morning.  After he had her safely tucked in 
he got ready for bed himself.  She was still awake when he came back 
to the bedroom.

"You can't be sleepy, Mulder.  It's too early."

"Maybe, but I can hold you until you fall asleep."

She smiled then and scooted over to give him room.  He crawled in and 
took her into his arms.  "Thank you."

"For what?" he pulled her closer.

"For having my mother over here, and telling her whatever you did."

"She's your mother.  She's important."

"Do I know your mother?"

He shook his head.  "Close your eyes.  You need to rest."  She 
realized he was changing the subject and allowed it, one more thing 
she needed to remember.  She cuddled in and very shortly was breathing 
easily beside him.


He lay there, just enjoying the rise and fall of her chest, the warmth 
of her breath.  When he was sure she was deeply asleep, he eased 
carefully out of the bed.  He didn't even make it to the door.  She 
moaned, reaching for him and becoming more agitated when she didn't 
find him.

Even as he turned back toward the bed she sat bolt upright.  "No!"  
She jerked, waking and he was there, his arms going around her.  She 
clutched at him trembling violently.

"It's okay, Scully.  It was only a dream.  I've got you."

She didn't reply, only burrowing into his chest.  When her trembling 
finally began to lessen, he made her more comfortable on the bed, 
curling around her.  "You should try to sleep, Scully."

"No. No, I don't want - "

"I'll be right here.  It's only a dream."

She shook her head.

"Can you talk about it?  That can make it - "

"No."

"Believe me, I have some experience - "

"No, I mean I don't remember.  When I opened my eyes the dream was 
gone, just the, the terror . . ."

"Okay, but it's over.  I'll be holding you."

"I, I can't."

"Okay, just lay here.  Let me hold you."  At that she nodded.

He held her, caressing her arm gently and she did finally fall asleep.  
It wasn't long before she became agitated again.  He hadn't been about 
to leave this time.

His presence didn't seem to help this time.  She couldn't find him 
even though he had his arms around him.  He was talking to her, trying 
to reach her when she screamed herself awake.

"Scully, it's okay.  You're back, you're here with me."  He kept his 
arms around her but she was shaking violently.  "Can you hear me?  
You know you're awake.  I've got you.  I'm not letting go, Scully.  
I'm right here."

It took a long time to calm her down even a little bit.  She was 
gripping him with all of her strength, but now only trembled 
occasionally.  When he felt she could hear him, he leaned back a 
little so he could see her face.  "Let me get you some water."

She shook her head, her hand still holding his hand to her side.

"Tell me what you need?"

"Don't let go of me."

"I won't.  Try to relax.  I'm right here."

She let her eyes slip closed.  She lay there in his arms, occasionally 
her body would tremble, a couple of times she shook violently.  He 
held her, murmuring to her.  She was remembering, that was obvious.  
Could her body take this?  Hell, could her mind?

After what seemed like hours she slipped into a semi- conscious state.  
He knew she wasn't asleep, but maybe she was finally getting some 
rest.  He curled around her, knowing he would wake if she moved, and 
let his eyes close.

He woke to find her watching him through slitted eyes.  "Scully?  Can 
you hear me?"

She nodded.

"How do you feel?"

She closed her eyes rather than answer.

"Let me get you something, brandy?"

"No."  Her grip tightened on his arm.

"Scully, it's okay.  I'm right here, but I need to use the facilities 
and I'm sure you do too.  Then I'll run you a hot bath - "

"No, a shower.  I, I need to wash it away."

"Okay, a shower.  I'll be right back."  She shuddered as he left the 
bed.  He stopped and kissed her forehead.  "Right back."

He was, but she was shivering uncontrollably again.  He gathered her 
up against him and carried her to the bathroom.  "I'm right here."

She nodded and took hold of the door frame.  "Can you walk?"  Again 
she nodded and closed the door behind her.  The sound of her retching 
had him back inside with her.  There was nothing on her stomach, but 
she was collapsed

on the floor.

"God, I'm going to call 911 - "

"Don't!"  Her voice was harsh, unused, but adamant.

"Scully, you need help."


"You, you help."

He just looked at her for a long moment.  "Let's get you cleaned up.  
We'll take a shower.  I don't think you can stand that long alone."  
He thought she nodded, but couldn't be sure.  He adjusted the water, 
then stripped down to his boxers.  He knelt beside her then, and 
gently removed her clothes.

He lifted her into the tub and held her against him as the water 
sluiced down them.  He supported her as he washed her.  She only 
flinched when his hands left her.  When the water cooled, he lifted 
her from the tub and sat her on the side to dry her.

He covered her with her terrycloth robe, then dried himself off and 
saw she was rising to her feet.  "Let's get you something to eat."  
She shook her head.  "You need something on your stomach.  You can 
keep me company."

Scully didn't argue with that until he started to lift her.  "Let me 
walk."

"Okay.  The kitchen."  He sat her at the table and fixed her hot tea 
to drink while he cooked.  He scrambled eggs and made toast and sat a 
small plate in front of her.  "It's not that much.  Try to eat it.  
You need the protein."

He sat beside her with the same menu, and watched as she ate.  The 
taste triggered some light hunger and she did eat most of the food.  
He insisted she finish the juice.

She sat back then.  "I remember."

He nodded.  That was what he had assumed from her trauma.

"We were only together once."

"I've loved you longer."

"I know.  We got pregnant the first time."


"Scully - "

"Why would they take it?"

"Maybe it was a mis - "

"They didn't believe in anesthesia."

He blanched at those words.  "They - "

She faced him then.  "Why are they here?  What do they want from us?"

He shook his head, still unable to speak from her last revelation.  
She watched him, watched the guilt consume him once again.

"Mulder?"

"I'm sorry.  Scully, I'm so - "

She shook her head.  "I need to know why."

"I don't know, because you were working with me, because we got close 
to learning - "

"I want to know everything you've studied, I need to know.  Why did 
they return me and not Samantha?  Why did they take our . . . I have 
to know.  I have to go back to work."  She saw the fear take over his 
face.  "What?"

"Step away, Scully.  Don't put yourself in their sights again.  Let me 
investigate.  I want you to go back to Quantico, teach, stay away from 
- "

"You sound like Bill, and I can't do it, I won't.  What if they take 
you?  What if they take you?" her voice broke when she repeated it.  
"I couldn't stand it.  Mulder, please. We can't be separated again, I 
have to help you."

"I'm supposed to just let you put yourself in danger again?"  He 
steeled himself as tears overflowed her eyes.

"Together, Mulder.  We have to be together.  They had separated us, 
the Bureau had separated us.  We have to find this together.  You said 
the X-Files had been reopened.  You and I are the only ones that can 
investigate these things.  Skinner knows that.  Don't push me away."


His eyes widened in shock.  "I'm not pushing you away, Scully.  I 
could never . . . remember I couldn't even admit to you we only slept 
together once."

She seemed to relax a little at those words.

"I want us to be together.  I never want you out of my sight

again, but what if they realize you remember?  You'll be in even more 
danger."

She thought about that and after a moment nodded.  "Okay, I hear that.  
So I don't let anyone know I remember what happened while I was . . . 
but my work at the FBI, my forensic training, that's all back.  I only 
'lost' the time I was missing.  That could work and we can be very 
careful with our investigation."

"Can we be careful enough?"  Now he sounded as scared as she did.

"We'll have to be.  Mulder, we'll have to be."