From: Vanessa Date: 06 Dec 1999 04:42:20 GMT Subject: NEW: Serenity(1/1),PG,Angst - (Sequal to Quality of Life) by Vanessa Title: Serenity Author: Vanessa (MldrNScly@aol.com) Rating: PG Category: Vignette, Character Death, Scully Angst Spoilers: None, but it might be helpful to read "Qualiy of Life " first. Archive: I^^d be honored, just let me know so I can visit on the weekends^ Summary: The Aftermath^ Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully are not mine, and I apologize to Chris for putting them through this, but some things just have to be done. We all have our reasons. This time it^^s personal. Author^^s Note: November 9, 1999 This is for all of those who are left to deal with the consequences^what ever those might be. ~~~~ "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change^" ~~~~ She sat on the floor of the bathroom in her small apartment barely able to keep her eyes open. She was sick, unable to pick herself up off the floor. She spent a lot of time here in recent weeks. She was drunk, but if you tried to explain that to her, you were only rewarded with angry words and sideways glances. She was in danger of losing her job. Everything she had worked so hard for was slipping right through her fingers. But, that didn^^t matter anymore. When she did show up for work, she was often late and her appearance haggard. She^^d lost too much weight, and she was more withdrawn than ever. Her mother tried to reason with her, asked her repeatedly to get help. "But I don^^t need help, Mom. I need him" Only her mother could understand who "he" was, but "he" wasn^^t coming back, and she was getting worse. If she was going to do it, she^^d have to do it on her own. It was her battle to win, but right now the bottle had the upper hand. ~~~ She paused outside of room forty-seven that was housed inside the high school that was just two blocks from her home. Her palms were sweaty, and she tapped her feet nervously before slowly opening the door. Many people were inside the room. They all looked like they may have been really nice people if perhaps the circumstances had been different, but right now they all looked as if they knew what a horrible person she had become. She took a seat in the semi-circle of chairs that lined the center of the room, and others began to do the same. Once the group was seated, one man stood and welcomed them all, thanking them for coming. "My name is Jeff and I have been sober for seven years. It was not an easy road for me to take, and it won^^t be for you either. I won^^t lie to you, it^^s going to be the hardest thing you^^ve ever done. And you^^re probably going to curse me everyday that you wake and look at that bottle or even have a fleeting thought of taking a drink. But we are going to get through this together." Silence filled the room for only a moment when another man stood and began to speak. "My name is Marcus," he said in a shy, quiet voice. And the room responded in kind. "Hello, Marcus." "I^^ve been clean for a little over three months. When I began drinking I had lost my job and my wife left with the kids. When I started coming here I was angry and depressed, and didn^^t think it really mattered to anyone what I was doing to myself. But some of my friends told me I needed to get help. I met Jeff and he tried to explain to me that I needed to do this for myself. That I needed to get healthy for me. And I decided that I did need help. And I thank God every day for helping me get straightened out." The semi-circle of people began to applaud, and she finally stood and decided it was time she did this. "Hello, my name is Dana, and I am," she paused, "an alcoholic." The woman that sat to her left reached up and gently squeezed her hand. "Hello, Dana." "You probably don^^t want to hear about why I started drinking, but the point is I did." Jeff stopped her. "Dana, the first road to recovery is to confront your demons." "I lost him," she began slowly. "I lost him a while ago. I don^^t know how long it^^s been, I^^ve tried to block it out. That^^s when I started drinking." "Who was ^^he^^?" Jeff^^s voice was soft and not demanding. He was trying to pull her out of her shell, gently prompting her to open up to them all. "He was^" she blinked her eyes rapidly to fight back the tears, "^he is my best friend." Another woman asked, "What happened to him?" "Um, he died. He, uh, killed himself, actually." She took a deep breath and the tears started to fall. "He, I, uh^they called me at work^we worked together^and they told me to come to the hospital^there had been an accident. But I knew it hadn^^t been an accident." She stopped suddenly, rubbed both hands over her eyes trying desperately to rid the tears that burned trails down her cheeks. "I remember being so angry at him. I thought he was so selfish^I drank to make myself numb. I drank so I didn^^t have to remember when they told me he was dead. All I could see when I closed my eyes was all the blood. And I kept drinking." "What was the turning point?" Marcus asked. She hesitated a long time before she answered. We she continued, her voice was barely above a whisper. "I was, um, "missing" for a few hours^that^^s what my mother told me. I had actually passed out at the cemetery after arguing with his gravesite for a little over two hours. The groundskeeper heard shouting and when he got there, I was laying face down in the dirt. That^^s what my mother tells me. I didn^^t, couldn^^t remember." "When I didn^^t remember that^it hurt. Because^^^cause I realized I was forgetting him^I loved him and I never told him that^and I^^m sorry." Dana sat down in the metal chair which had suddenly turned bitingly cold. The woman beside her took her into her arms and Dana cried. She remembered everything. All the alcohol in the world wasn't going to make her forget the sound of Skinner^^s voice when he told her that Mulder was in critical condition and that he probably wouldn^^t make it. Watching the autopsy through the window of a locked medical examiner^^s office because Skinner had denied her request to perform the procedure herself. And most of all she remembered kissing his cold, harsh lips before they closed the lid on his casket, locking him inside forever, and leaving her on the outside to "confront her demons" on her own. "I never asked to do this alone," she said to no one in particular. Jeff took her hand. "You no longer have to." END Feedback secretly craved. XxXxXxX "You'll never see Mulder and Scully romantically involved," Carter says."You'll never see Scully and Skinner romantically involved.And you'll never see Mulder and Skinner romantically invovled." TV Guide April 1996 Guess we proved him wrong?