From: "Cara Taylor" Date: Sun, 28 May 2000 17:00:18 EDT Subject: Please Archive! Source: direct Title: Seven Years (1/1) Author: Cara Taylor (redciel@hotmail.com) Classification: S, MSR Rating: G Spoilers: The obvious in Millennium, and a small mention of the Pilot Summary: Scully wants more! Disclaimer: The X-Files, Dana Scully and Fox Mulder all belong to the amazing Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I'm not making any money off this. I wouldn't mind it, but it ain't gonna happen! Feedback: If you want to say anything, I'm always happy to get e-mail! As I already wrote, you can reach me at redciel@hotmail.com My own little personal imput: I've written stories before but never posted anything. I figured that I might as well post something just for fun. Plus it must be cool to your own work up on the net! --------- Seven years is a long time. So much can happen in seven years. So much has happened in seven years. I'm not, and never will be, the same person I was seven years ago. The things I now know that would have never occurred to me all those years ago are priceless. This experience, or life I should say, that I've chosen is priceless. All the memories that I have, and that am still gathering, are absolutely priceless. The first time I met Mulder I didn't think anything would come out of our relationship. How was I supposed to know that he would change my life so drastically? After that first hug we shared, I hoped that I wouldn't get another one because the circumstances were too frightening. The X-Files didn't appeal to me and I didn't want to be involved in something so strange and unknown. Then everything was coming to an end too fast. I didn't want that case in Oregon to end, I was already addicted to the rush I got when I was with Mulder. At first it was the rush that kept me with him. He opened doors that I never cared to dream about and showed me places that I thought never existed. Soon, my relationship with Mulder evolved into admiration, loyalty, a friendship, and somewhere along the lines, it got tangled with love. Seven years ago, I thought I was going to fall in love soon. I thought that my biological clock would soon find me a man to love and marry. And sure, sooner or later I did find love. But I'm still unmarried, and I haven't exactly confessed my love to Mulder. But, then again, he hasn't confessed his to me. I suppose you don't need to confess it to know it's there. Without even asking Mulder, I know he believes that it's unnecessary to spell out the word unless the bond is unsecured. And, there's no doubt that our bond is secure. But, I want to hear the words. Not because I need reassurance --Mulder has proved his love for me a thousand times over-- but because of the romanticism associated with them. If there's one thing that lacks in my relationship with Mulder, it's romance. We've had our moments, but nothing ever lasts long enough for it to be truly romantic. Perhaps Mulder would argue with me. What I consider to be romantic is most likely different from what he thinks. Maybe he thinks one of our tiring car rides is romantic simply because we're alone together. Of course, I'm just guessing. When it comes to Mulder, I can't predict anything because he always manages to surprise me. So, I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed that he'll surprise me with an elegant dinner topped with a kiss at my doorstep and a confession of his love for me. Now that is normal. So normal that it's cliché. Then, of course, there's the question of what really is normal... according to Mulder, our lives are normal. They're only normal for us though, no one else can have our lives because it simply wouldn't suit them. So is that supposed to mean that I can't fit into the married, settled down life because that wouldn't be normal for me? That doesn't make sense. Who is to say which lives we're meant to lead? It's all too confusing. All I know is that I'm on the right track and that this bath needs more bubbles. And I really don't feel like getting out of the now lukewarm bath to answer my phone. I know it's Mulder, because everyone else at 11:00pm on a Friday night has better things to do than to, well, call me. So, it's a decision between the bubble bath that is now devoid of bubbles, or Mulder. A bubbleless bubble bath or Mulder? Definitely Mulder. "Hello?" "Scully, it's me. Are you busy right now?" Am I busy? Well, let's see... my fingers are pruned up because I've been in a bath for over an hour and it's late on a Friday night and I haven't left the apartment since I got home. "I'm not particularly busy, why? What's up?" "I'm bored. I've been--" "I'll be right over." With that I hang up the phone. I think I enjoy being at Mulder's place more than mine. I feel so comfortable at his place. But, I know how it's going to be when I get there. Mulder's going to pop in a movie that reflects the way he's feeling recently, and we'll sit side by side and watch. There's nothing wrong with this, it's just not enough. Why doesn't he put his arm around me? I just want to feel that closeness with him. Does he not want to feel that with me? Or is he afraid that I'll pull away? By now he should know me better than that. I mean, when ours lips touched on New Years, that last thing I wanted to do was pull away. I wanted more. Maybe Mulder also wanted more. It's just so hard to determine when the next boundary on the line that we've already cross is going to be explored. But, exactly what is the line that we've already crossed? I don't recall anyone ever saying that Mulder and I can't be together. I never read anything that stated it was against the law. I don't see us facing any horrible consequences if we officially got together. We practically are together, there's just no confirmation between the two of us, which I believe is responsible for the lack of romance in our relationship. So what's holding us back? --------- I walk up to Mulder's door and am tempted to unlock the door myself with the key I have to his apartment. To me, it's such a "couple" thing to do that. To automatically be invited inside. That's all I want. To always be automatically inside. I don't think he would mind me just appearing like that. But, I can be wrong. Maybe he'll feel that I've invaded his privacy, maybe he'll feel like his a favour territory has been assaulted. Or, maybe he'll like it. Besides, I'll be saving him a trip to his door. Sure, it's a short trip, but Mulder can get lazy and if he's on his couch already watching TV and waiting for me, well, I bet the last thing he wants to do is get up from his comfy couch. So, I'll also be doing him a favour. The second I walk into his apartment I'm greeted with the delicious smell of popcorn. I can hear the microwave counting down the seconds until the final product is ready. "Hey Scully," Mulder calls out from the kitchen and I'm surprisingly pleased with myself. I join Mulder in the kitchen. "Please tell me it's popcorn without butter." Mulder smiles. "It's popcorn without butter. I wouldn't dare risking my life in your presence by making the wrong type of popcorn." I unconsciously step closer to him. I can't believe how much I'm drawn to Mulder. My body reacts to him before my brain sends signal to it. It's truly an incredible feeling. I think it's the only words that can describe the way I love him. "So what are we watching tonight?" I ask as Mulder takes the popcorn out of the microwave. "Umm..." Mulder shrugs. "TGIF lineup?" "What? I assumed you rented a movie for us. Besides, the TGIF lineup is over. So, really, Mulder, what movie are we going to watch?" "No movie tonight. I didn't get the chance to go the video rental store," he explains. "I was too lazy. Do I get extra brownie points for admitting it?" A thousand thoughts cross my mind at one time. The pieces of the puzzle try to connect in my head. This means that Mulder invited me over to his place knowing that there would be nothing in particular for is to do. Nothing to do... but sit and talk. Was this his plan? Did he orchestrate this night to be like that? "Mulder, if there's no movie, then why popcorn?" I ask. "Why not popcorn? I like popcorn, and I know you like popcorn, so what better than to eat butterless popcorn?" That's all I need to know. He must have thought about this before hand. Or, am I just thinking too hard? "What do you want to do if there's nothing to watch on TV and no movie?" I continue my investigation. Mulders shrugs. "Sit and talk?" It takes half an hour for Mulder and I to start talking about subjects that apply to us. Our relationship is such a touchy topic for us, and we both try too hard to not mention the obvious. The obvious being the moments that we've shared the in the recent past; the attraction between us that's getting stronger and stronger. But the obvious hangs in the air when we're together and creates a tension that I believe is unnecessary for us. What we want from each other is no longer in question, it's now a question of how to get it. "How did things get so complicated?" I ask, partially to myself and partially to Mulder. "I blame it on the birds and the bees. And monkey babies," Mulder replies. I know he doesn't have the answer, because if he did then we wouldn't be stuck in this situation that we can't even address. "Seven years, Mulder. It's been seven years, and look where we are." Mulder appears hurt. "I know you want more than this, Scully. I just... I don't know how to give it to you. And, I'm not going to lie, I want more, too. So what do we do? Where do we find the answers?" "Within each other. Mulder, I'm happy with where we are. I'm happier than I've been in a long, long time. And if things stay this way, I'm going to stay happy." To my surprise, Mulder takes my hand and kisses it. "I can tell you that I love you, but then it would be a lie. It's nothing more than a word." "A word that has a lot of meaning attached to it," I say, hoping that Mulder detects the hint of annoyance in my voice. "But that word can't describe the way I feel about you," Mulder's eyes are intense, and the truth in them pierces through me. "No word in the dictionary will ever be able to put a definition to the way I feel about you, Scully." I stand still, his words paralyzing me. After Mulder continues to stare at me with his piercing eyes, I manage to smile. "Wow." There are so many things I want to say, but it feels like everything I ever learned has been erased from my memory and replaced with what Mulder said. As I stand paralyzed, Mulder drops his shoulders and relaxes. I'm grateful that his eyes are smiling at me instead of looking at me intensely. It makes me feel more comfortable. "I've been waiting seven years to hear that," I say and we hug. "It was worth the wait." I can feel Mulder's right hand caressing my hair while the other one is caressing my back. "But I want more," Mulder's voice is almost inaudible. His hands are no longer caressing my hair and back, they're now both resting on my shoulders. He's holding me back as if he's almost expecting me to turn away. For the second time that night, I smile. Without hesitating, Mulder moves his hands down my back as our bodies and heads simultaneously come closer together. And we kiss. Our lips touch lightly, exactly the same way as they did on New Years. But this time it's going to be different, because this time we're both going to get more. The increasing urgency between us foreshadows that, for the first time, I'm going to feel what it's truly like to kiss Mulder. At the same time, we both part our lips and let each other in. It's a thousand times better than anything I've ever imagined. It's more than just a passionate, hungry kiss. It's... it's indescribable. I now know exactly what Mulder meant when he said that the word love didn't hold enough meaning. I smile as our lips part. Or was smiling during the kiss? Yes, I was already smiling before our lips parted. Mulder is also smiling. His grin resembles someone who just "got lucky". But, without looking in a mirror, I know that my smile looks just like Mulder's. Well, if that kiss did that for us, I can't imagine what sex will be like. "I've dreamed about that for seven years," Mulder says through his grin. I nod my head in agreement. No words can escape my lips. I'm still caught up in the moment. "Say something, Scully," Mulder urges. "Or I just may kiss you again." How does Mulder manage to make me smile so much? He always knows when to the right thing to me. "Can you make that promise?" I finally speak. Mulder wraps his arm around me and I reciprocate the action. I close my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine a second time tonight. But instead I feel his gentle touch against my neck. His smooth lips then trace over my jaw and not a moment too soon, his lips are touching mine. "Can you do me a favour?" I ask when our lips have parted. Mulder nods his head yes. "I know that you said that no word can justify your feelings for me, but can we just put all those feelings into the word love? It makes life just a bit more easier." "Fine," Mulder says. "Ok, good." I place a hand on his cheek. "In that case, I love you, too. I've been in love with you for the past seven years." I swallow hard, willing myself not to start tearing up. "And I plan to keep loving you more for the next seven years, then the next seven years and so on." With that, Mulder and I kiss for the third time tonight. And we kiss as if there's no seven years to come.