From: "Voet" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 20:05:56 +0100 Subject: New story Source: direct Title: Shadows of The Past. E-Mail: Tanja: voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl; Joey: Joey@Ram32.freeserve.co.uk Rating: PG-13 for adult topics. Category: MSR, Major Mulder angst, Scully comfort. Spoilers: None, that we're aware of. Just Mulder's background. Summary: A case brings back childhood memories Mulder doesn't want to confront. Archive: Please do. Let us know where, though. Disclaimer: Not ours, although we really wish they were! If they were, Diana Fowl-one would be long gone by now and Mulder wouldn't even remember her name. All credit for the characters Dana Scully, Fox Mulder, Walter Skinner and Bill Mulder go to CC, Fox and 1013. We don't own anything and were not rich so don't sue us! Author's Note: Joey: Thanks to Tanja for this idea and for writing with me again. You're a great friend and excellent co-writer. And I'd like to dedicate this to everyone who's ever sent us feedback. It means a lot to us both. Author's Note: Tanja: Hi Joey! Thanks for writing another story with me. I love doing this, you're a wonderful friend and a great co-writer! Oh and also a great beta-reader for other stories I've been writing lately! I realize this story contains some serious adult topics, I hope we've handled it the right way. This story is dedicated to the people who supported our work since we started writing together. No harm is intended with this story. Shadows of The Past (1/6) Mulder and Scully sat on the couch outside Skinner's office waiting to be called in by his secretary Kimberley. They had no idea about why they were here. All they'd been told was that there was a case that Skinner wanted to assign them even though it wasn't an X-File. Mulder was feeling nervous but Scully was doing her best to keep her feelings hidden under the mask she wore. He looked over at her and nudged her slightly, trying to get her attention. She turned slightly and looked up at him. "Any ideas on what this case could be about?" He asked, keeping his voice low so their conversation wouldn't be overheard. "None," she answered shortly. "But we'll find out soon." "Are you sure we're really here to be assigned a case and it's not just Skinners way of getting us here because we're in trouble?" Mulder's reply made her smile slightly. "Correction, it would be you that was in trouble if anyone," she smiled. "And if you were in trouble, he would have told us." Skinners secretary, Kimberly, chose that moment to announce that Skinner could see them, therefore preventing Mulder from making some sort of witty comeback. He stood with Scully and followed his petite partner into the inner office of their superior, his hand lingering, as always, at the small of her back. The two Agents stood before AD Walter Skinner, waiting for him to give them permission to sit. He looked up from the file he was apparently engrossed in and nodded to them, giving them the go-ahead to sit in their usual seats. Mulder and Scully sat next to each other in the chairs, exchanging a glance at the expression on Skinners face. Their boss had gone back to silently pondering the file in front of him, a disturbed expression on his face. The two younger Agents looked a little perplexed at their superiors obvious discomfort and distress at the contents of the file. "Sir?" It was Scully who finally spoke and broke the uncomfortable silence. The AD looked up, the hard look he wore and the expression of disbelief and disgust in his eyes startling her. His gaze softened at her alarm and he rested his folded arms on top of the file. "Agent Scully, Agent Mulder," he greeted them solemnly, as if seeing them for the first time. Mulder looked to Scully and saw she was obviously as bothered about their bosses reaction as he was. Skinner noticed their exchange and sighed heavily. "I'm bringing you onto a case in Chicago that I believe requires your attention. It needs Agent Mulder's background in psychology and Agent Scully's medical background. I also decided to bring you both into this case because of the high success rate you have for solving cases as a team." "Sir? What's the nature of the case?" It was Mulder this time, a thoughtful frown arranging his handsome feature. There was still something about the AD's expression and tone that bothered him, something that made him nervous but something that seemed familiar somehow. His boss seemed...disillusioned somehow. "To put it bluntly, it's a case of a violent and disturbing nature," Skinner spoke slowly, carefully, trying not to let his own anger and emotions seep into the tone of his voice. "It concerns the topic of child abuse, in the most disturbing and violent manner." Mulder and Scully looked uncomfortable as silence descended on them. Mulder stared down at his clenched fists as Scully watched him from the corner of her eye. Skinner took in their reactions and made a mental note to ask about it later. Something he had said had affected Mulder and Scully deeply. In fact, it seemed to have shaken Mulder right down to the core of his being. Scully instantly moved her gaze away from her partner once she sensed someone was watching and remembered where they were. Mulder also looked up and the pallor of his face made her heart ache. She stifled a sigh and fought the urge to cover his tightly clasped hand with her own. He looked like a shadow of the man he had been when he'd walked through the door a few minutes earlier. It seemed to Scully that as Skinner continued with the briefing, her partner was shrinking further and further into his shell. "We will be going to Chicago early on this evening," Skinner told them, bringing Scully out of her thoughts. It was Mulder, however, who asked the question that had been forming on her lips. "We?" Mulder arched an eyebrow in an imitation of his partners look of surprise. "Yes, Agent Mulder," Skinner nodded. "I will be joining you on this case. As I was saying, we will leave for Chicago this evening. On arriving, we will be met by Agent Elizabeth Paris. She is an expert in child psychology and an old friend of mine. She is also in charge of this case. Here is a copy of the case file, I expect you both to know the details by the time we meet at the airport. Any questions?" Skinner looked at them both sternly, giving the impression that his last statement was a rhetorical question so they both stayed silent. "All right, dismissed." Mulder took his que and practically bolted from the office. Scully watched him go, her heart feeling heavy, before picking up the file Skinner had indicated and leaving a little slower. Skinner watched them depart, unable to fight the feeling that there was something going on that he didn't know about. And that he had done something wrong in assigning Mulder and Scully to the case. End of Part One. Shadows of The Past (2/6) Skinner was already waiting at the airport, when Mulder and Scully arrived. They arrived together, because Scully had picked Mulder up at his apartment. She had wanted to talk to him, to make sure that he was doing alright. She knew how difficult it had to be for him, to deal with this case. This case would bring a lot of pain from the past back to the surface. And what scared her, was that she couldn't stop him from getting hurt again. He should have told Skinner that he couldn't accept this case, for personal reasons. He hadn't, she had no idea why, but he was determined to continue his work on this case. Her efforts to talk to him had failed, he had ignored the worried look on her face and her worried questions, had continued packing his stuff and had walked to the door saying "Let's go Scully." The tone in his voice had told her to drop the subject, but she was sure that this was not the last word spoken about it. They were greeted by Skinner, who handed them their tickets. He looked at Mulder, who was wearing a hard look on his face. He looked pale and he seemed to be far away with his thoughts. Skinner looked from Mulder to Scully, a questioning look in his eyes. There was a painful look in her eyes, as she looked at Mulder, but she didn't say anything to Skinner, just shrugged and made her way to the boarding gate. Not looking back to see if they were following her. Handing her ticket to the stewardess she sighed. This was going to be one hell of a case. Mulder would have to face the demons of his own past. Would have to see the things that somebody had done to those children, things that had happened to himself in the past, by the hand of his own father. As usual Mulder and Scully were seated next to each other. Skinner was sitting in the row next to them. Mulder was staring out of the window. She knew what he was thinking about, she could tell by the look on his face. She discussed a few things of the case with Skinner and after that turned her attention back to Mulder. He was sitting in his seat, his eyes closed, his fists clenched. She knew he wasn't sleeping, she softly touched his hand. His eyes flew open and he looked at her. Her heart ached for him, but she didn't know what to do. He surprised her by pulling her to him, putting his arms around her and holding her close against him. She knew Skinner had to be watching them, but didn't care at this moment, she was completely focussed on Mulder and on helping him. They sat like that for a long time. Mulder hold on to her, as he had always done. In the past she had also been his anchor in the dark, guiding him back to the light. If she hadn't been there, he wouldn't know what he would have done, it was she who had saved him, keeping him from giving up. Telling him again and again that she loved him, that she would always be there for him and that things were going to be alright again. He had believed her, knowing that things would become better again. Not realizing than, that to make things better again, he would have to say goodbye to her. Scully was right, Skinner was indeed looking at them. But not in disapproval, he was looking worried. He started to realize that something was wrong, he just didn't know what it was. Whatever it was however, Scully seemed to know more about it and seemed to be able to get through to Mulder, at least a little bit. With a sigh, he turned back his attention to the case file, hoping that whatever was disturbing Mulder would pass. But something told him that this wouldn't pass so easily. NEXT MORNING Skinner introduced them to Agent Elizabeth Paris the next morning. After the introductions were made, they had a meeting to discuss the case file. "Whatever we do, we have to find this man, and the sooner the better." Elizabeth Paris finished her story. She looked from Walter Skinner to Mulder and Scully. They all nodded. Skinner had been glad to see that Mulder was doing better than he had been yesterday. Whatever had been going on, maybe it had passed after all. After the meeting they split up, agreeing to meet again in a couple of hours. Agent Paris and Scully went to the hospital, so that Scully could do the autopsy and check on the medical background of this case. Skinner and Mulder went to the bureau to have a meeting with other investigators on this case. AUTOPSY ROOM 30 minutes later they were in the hospital and on their way to the autopsy room. "How long have you been working with your partner?" Elizabeth asked Scully. "Almost 6 years," Scully answered, while they entered the room. She walked to the table, where she found a file with photos of the case. She slowly opened the file, afraid to look at the photos. "So you two know each other pretty well?" Elizabeth didn't get an answer, because Scully was looking at the pictures. They brought back memories, memories she had rather forgotten about. Memories of Mulder coming to her home, being beaten up again. Her face was pale and a sadness washed over it as she looked through them. Elizabeth saw her paling and looking away in disgust. "Agent Scully? Are you alright?" Now Scully did look up. "Yes, thank you, I'm alright." "You look like you've seen a ghost." "It's nothing really, it's just that....." Scully paused for a moment, not knowing how to say what she wanted to say. "The pictures shocked you, didn't they?" "Yes, they did." "Don't worry. Your reaction is more than normal. It wouldn't be normal if you wouldn't react like this." "No, that's not all. I've seen pictures like this before. It's just that, this brings back old memories. Memories I had rather forgotten about." "You've had to deal with child abuse in the past?" "Yes I did, not myself, but my boyfriend." "I see, are you sure you want to work on this case than?" "Don't worry I'll be fine." Scully answered THAT NIGHT They came a lot further that day, but at the end they still hadn't been able to arrest the man who was behind the kidnappings and abusing. Scully had seen Mulder shortly that afternoon and had noticed that he was having a hard time with this case, but he had avoided to look at her. Now they had finished their case and were waiting for Skinner to head back to the hotel. Scully looked at Mulder, who was sitting in one of the chairs, eyes closed. She walked to him and sat down next to him. "Are you doing alright Mulder?" He opened his eyes and looked at her. "I'm fine Scully, don't worry about me." "But I am, I know this must not be easy for you, after all you've been through yourself, you...." "Scully I'm fine." He repeated, obviously not wanting to talk about it, but she knew he couldn't deny it forever. "You're not fine Mulder, you..." He suddenly jumped up. "Look Scully what do you want me to say? You want me to bring up all those things again. I tried to put them away Scully, I had to. I had to forget, it was the only way to move on without you. Please don't ask me to talk about it again, I can't." "But Mulder...." They didn't see or hear Skinner walking towards them. "No Scully please, please don't do this to me. It's the past, keep that chapter closed, okay?" He turned around, and stormed out of the bureau. Scully looked at him running away, she didn't see Skinner standing right behind her. Skinner didn't say anything, he just wondered when somebody was going to tell him what was going on. End of part 2 Shadows of The Past (3/6) It was in the middle of the night when Skinner woke up by a scream. He sat up in bed and turned on the light above his head. He saw Mulder who was tossing and turning in his bed, obviously having a nightmare. He was talking, but Skinner couldn't hear what he was saying. Suddenly Mulder screamed again. "Nooooo, Katie! Leave her alone, you bastard, leave her alone. Katie!" Skinner tried to wake him up, but Mulder kept tossing and screaming the girl's name. Skinner wondered who Katie was. After a few minutes he decided to go get Scully, maybe she would know what to do. Scully woke up because somebody was knocking on the door of he room. She immediately turned on the light, jumping out of bed, and opening the door, expecting to see Mulder standing there. To her surprise it was her boss, a worried look on his face. "Sir? Is something wrong?" "Agent Scully could you please come with me for a moment? Agent Mulder is having a nightmare I think, but I can't wake him up. He keeps screaming for Katie, I don't know who....." Skinner didn't have to finish his sentence. Scully immediately realized what was wrong. She left Skinner standing where he stood and ran into the room. Skinner followed after her. Looking how Scully tried to wake Mulder up. "Mulder wake up, I'm here." At first there was no reaction, than suddenly, he sat up with another scream and his eyes flew open. He looked at her, for a moment not realizing who she was, but when he did, clinging onto her tightly, sobbing. She put her arms around him. "Shhh it's going to be alright, I'm here now." "He did it again. Katie, you...." "It won't happen again, I promise, everything is going to be alright." She rocked him in her arms, stroking his hair softly. "I'm here, I'm here." She repeated the words again and again, speaking soothingly, trying to calm him down. Tears streaming down her face, had anybody looked into her eyes at that moment, they would have seen hate, a deep hate against the man who had done this to him. It took a long time, but he finally calmed down, she could feel his body go limp in her arms and she knew he had fallen asleep again. She kissed him on his forehead and slipped from the bed. When she stood up, she saw Skinner sitting in the only chair in the room. "What happened?" He wanted to know. She leaned against the wall. Memories tumbling through her head, because of what had just happened. "It's the case." She answered softly. "The case?" "Yes, it brings back memories of his own past." That was all she said, before she left the room. Leaving Skinner behind with his own thoughts. End of part 3 Shadows of the Past (4/6) NEXT MORNING Skinner sat in the restaurant of their hotel, waiting patiently for his Agents to join him there for breakfast. He was preoccupied with the events of the previous night so he didn't notice the waitress come over and ask him if he was ready to order. With a sigh, the waitress - a young girl called Vicky - left him alone with his thoughts after waiting for a few minutes for a reply that wouldn't come. He was curious, maybe even a little more than curious. Something was going on that Mulder and Scully weren't telling him. It was something he should know. As their superior, he had the right to know since it could make his agents distracted and one or both of them got injured during the case. As their friend, he felt slightly hurt that they didn't trust him enough to tell him what was so obviously bothering them. Skinner was shaken from his thoughts when he caught a glimpse of Mulder and Scully walking through the entrance. He saw them but they didn't see him. They were too busy arguing. He watched them thoughtfully, wondering what was going on. Scully was following Mulder, a determined look on her pretty face. Mulder, however, was trying to ignore her or that was how it seemed to Skinner. Suddenly, they stopped. Mulder faced Scully, turning his back on Skinner and said something to her. Skinner watched her expression soften as she placed a hand on his arm, concern clear in the gesture. She said something in reply - Skinner guessed correctly that it was about Mulder's nightmare during the night - and Mulder lifted his hand up to her face and touched her cheek softly. It was then Skinner turned ware, feeling as though he was intruding on a personal moment between the two. Moments later, he was joined by them. Mulder looked as though nothing had happened, both the previous night and a few minutes before-hand but Scully looked troubled. They ordered breakfast and made small talk while they waited for it to come. The three ate in silence and then Mulder excused himself after a long, uncomfortable pause. "Agent Scully?" Skinner spoke softly, trying not to startle her. She jumped anyway, having been lost in her thoughts and her worries. "Sir? I'm sorry, did you say something?" "You looked a million miles away," he told her, smiling to keep the conversation friendly, hoping she would come clean about what was wrong. "Maybe a dozen years," Scully admitted, smiling ruefully and gazing deeply into her cup of coffee. "Is something wrong?" "Not really." It was obvious to Skinner it was a lie and she knew it. "Well, maybe a little." "Would you like to talk about it?" When she didn't answer, he continued, pressing carefully for more information. "I assume the cause of your worries is Agent Mulder and his behavior last night." Scully looked up and met his eyes. "Is it that obvious?" "The fact that you refused to meet his gaze through breakfast and that the tension was thick enough to cut with my bread knife kind of gave it away." He took a sip of his coffee, hoping she'd open up and be a little more fourth-coming. "It can be off-the-record. I'm worried about him, too." She sighed heavy and took a sip of her coffee. She set the cup down and met his gaze once more. "How much do you know about Mulder's past?" The question took Skinner by surprise and he frowned a little. "I only know about his professional history, aside from his sisters abduction." "Mulder has experienced child abuse," Scully began softly, so softly Skinner had to strain to hear her. "His father abused him as a child, he was beaten regularly and every attack was brutal and violent. But he never told anyone. His mother ignored it and he thought he should, too." She paused and watched him, waiting for him to absorb this information before continuing. "Mulder thought he was being punished for letting his sister be taken. And he blamed himself. I don't think he's accepted it. Since we started this case, he's been having nightmares, like last nights. I've tried to get him to talk to me.." Her voice cracked and she looked away. A single tear ran down her cheek and she wiped it away, trying to regain her composure long enough to finish what she was saying. "He won't talk to me, he just keeps shutting me out and I'm worried he's going to crack under the strain. He keeps saying he's all right but he's not. But Mulder's stubborn. He wants to handle this himself and I don't think he can." Another heavy sigh escaped her lips. "That's why we've been acting ... out of character. Mulder was a victim of child abuse, his father was a monster and Mulder's suffering from recurring memories because of this case." "I.. I don't know what to say," Skinner stuttered. He was completely in shock. "He.. He's trying to put it behind him, then." "Yes." She nodded. "I'd appreciate it if we could keep this between us. I don't want Mulder to know I've told you, I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone. If he finds out, he'll never confide in me." "You have my word." Skinner nodded solemnly. "What are you going to do?" "There's nothing more I can do except be there for him if and when he needs me." Her reply was simple and heartfelt. They sat in silence for a few more minutes and then Scully excused herself. Skinner watched her go before making a move himself. He had thought that knowing what was wrong would make him feel better. It didn't. He felt much, much worse. End of Part 4 Shadows of the past (5/6) Minutes after Scully had left, Skinner walked out of the hotel. He decided to go for a walk, hoping that the fresh air would make him feel better again. What Scully had just told him, had been shocking, even more than that. He had a hard time to understand how parents could do something like that to their child. He also knew that Scully hadn't told him everything. More was going on, but she hadn't want to tell him more, that much was obvious, but why? Suddenly he noticed Mulder, who was sitting on a bench in the park across the street. Staring over the lake. Skinner crossed the street and walked closer to Mulder. He stopped for a moment, looking at the lonely figure. Sitting on the bench, shoulders slumped, a lost look in his eyes, staring over the lake absently-minded. Skinner remembered Scully's request. She had asked him not to tell Mulder what she had just told him, but he felt like he had to try to get through to the young man. The moment Scully had told him about Mulder's past, it had all become clear to him. The clenched fists, the hard look in Mulder's eyes. The case must have brought back a lot of painful memories. Skinner still didn't understand completely how much Scully knew about Mulder's past, but he was under the impression that she knew more than she had told him. He stopped in front of Mulder. "Is this seat taken?" Mulder looked up when he heard the familiar voice, but he didn't say anything, he only shook his head, indicating that Skinner could sit down if he wanted to. Skinner sat down and waited for Mulder to say something. After a few minutes of silence he still hadn't said a word. He decided to break the silence himself. "You want to talk about it?" He shook his head, and slowly got up from the bench. Mulder slowly walked closer to the water, still staring at it absently-minded. Skinner followed him, determined not to give up that easily. "Sometimes it helps to talk." There came no reaction. He decided to approach it differently. "This case brings back old memories, isn't?" Now Mulder did turn around. "Scully told you, didn't she?" He asked directly. "I.... I promised not to tell you....." Skinner started, but he couldn't lie to him, he knew he had promised Scully to remain silent about their conversation, but he had to help Mulder, that way he would also help Scully. He only nodded. "What did she tell you?" Mulder's eyes were hard, cold, and he was far away with his thoughts. "She told me that you were the victim of child abuse in the past." Mulder nodded, as they started to walk along the lake. "Did she tell you who did it?" "Your father." "I'm not sure if I want to talk about this." "It might help to talk." Skinner didn't want to force him. Mulder thought of that for a moment, then nodded. "Maybe you're right." The only problem was that he didn't know where to start. The first time it had happened? Or all the times after that. How he had to hide for his own father, scared to death for the inevitable? How he had tried to stop him? How it was the love of his girlfriend and her family that had saved him? Skinner didn't say a word, just waited patiently, until Mulder would be ready. Mulder slowly started to speak, softly, far away with his thoughts. Going back in time. His voice was full of pain. "I was 12 when it started, my father started to drink after Sam was taken. In the beginning it wasn't so bad, but after a while he started to drink more and more. And the drunker he was, the more aggressive he was. The first time I thought it was a mistake, my father never used to hit me, but the first time wasn't the last time. There came a second time and a third time and it continued. In the beginning my mother tried to stop him, but after a while she gave up trying. I guess she thought there was no use in it anyway. Or maybe she was scared that he would start hitting her too. At first I tried to fight back, but I always lost. He was too big, I was too small. Usually he left the house after dinner and did not come back until hours later. After a while I could already tell if he was in a bad mood, by the way he opened the door of his car. He would come up to my room, I pretended to be asleep, hoping that that would make him go away. It didn't. He would start to yell at me, telling me that it was my fault that Sam was taken, that I should have watched her. It always ended the same way, him beating me up. Until he decided that it was enough and would leave again. Of course I had bruises, a lot. Sometimes my mother had to keep me home, because I couldn't go out of the house like that, I learned to make up excuses. I fell of my bike, ran against the door, fell of the stairs, I became quite a good liar. In reality I was thrown of my bike, thrown against the wall and I sure didn't fall down the stairs by accident. But in the end I almost started to believe my own lies. I got used to the situation, after a few years I didn't know any better." He paused for a moment, before he continued. "I didn't have a lot of friends, I avoided people. They might start to ask questions, I couldn't let that happen. Nobody could get through to me, until...." Mulder paused again and for the first time since he started to tell, Skinner saw a smile appear on his face. "Until I met Katie. I was 17, she was 16 and new at school. For some reason she came up to me and tried to talk to me. I told her to leave me alone, I avoided her, but that didn't stop her. She succeeded and found a way that nobody had found in a long time. The way to my heart. After a few weeks I gave in, I was in love with her. I didn't tell her about my father. Too afraid to lose something I cared about. It was hard to believe that somebody cared, I wasn't used to that. We became friends and soon it became more. We were two people in love, just like all young people, only she didn't know about my family yet. I knew that she would find out sooner or later. She did, unfortunately sooner as later. We were going to see a movie that night, I was about to leave the house, when my father came home. Earlier than usual. Already drunk, I tried to reason with him, tried to get him to his bed, it didn't help. When I wasn't on time for our date, Katie decided to go to my house, she only lived one block away. She came in in the middle of our fight, not immediately realizing what was going on. But she did see that my father was drunk and angry. She started to yell that he should stop, he didn't stop immediately, but finally he left the house and we were alone again. Katie was worried and shocked. I tried to close myself off. I didn't want to tell her what was going on, but in the end I did. After all those years I had to tell somebody and after I did I was relieved that I could finally talk about it. And that somebody was actually listening. When I finished my story and finally dared to look at her I realized she was crying. For what my father was doing to me. We went to her house after that, she wanted me to tell her parents. I told her I didn't want that, that I shouldn't even have told her, but she insisted, I gave in, but she was the one who told her parents, I couldn't. Her parents were furious, her father immediately wanted to go see my father, Katie convinced him not to do that. That night I stayed over at their house. And that was the first night of many. Katie and her family learned me what it was like to be loved. They showed me what it was to have a family that does care. For the first time in years I felt like I was worth something again. At night I would have nightmares, when I was staying in their house, Katie would come to my room and hold me in her arms, until I fell asleep again. She was my safety line and my anchor. Thanks to her love and her care I started to live again. Our love became stronger every day, I made new friends and school was going better. It still didn't change the situation at home, but I was able to deal with it better. Of course it still wasn't a pleasure to be beaten up and yelled at, but I didn't accept it any longer. I fought back, not with my hands, but with words. For a while it did go better, but after a few months it started to get worse again. At that moment I practically moved in with Katie's family. It was what enabled me to feel safe and finish my last year in high school. I believe Katie's father talked to my parents, because suddenly my father left me alone. I still wasn't completely sure what college I was going to go to after graduation. Before I met Katie I had applied for Oxford, in England, wanting to be as far away from home as possible. They accepted me, but I decided to stay in the USA after meeting Katie. I couldn't leave her behind. Until the week before my final exams. I came home from school and entering the house I heard voices, my father's and Katie's. Katie was yelling that he should leave me alone and he was yelling that she should stay out of his business. I was just in time, because at the moment I entered the living room he was about to hit her. That's where I drew the line. It was one thing that he hit me, but he had to leave my girlfriend alone. Fortunately I was in time, I stopped him, by doing something I had never done before. I hit back. He hadn't expected that and it didn't take him long to leave. After that happened, I started to realize that I would never be able to let go when I was going to stay at home after graduation. To be able to forget and move on I would have to leave home and realizing that I also knew that moving on would mean saying goodbye to Katie. I didn't want to leave her behind, but we both knew we had no other choice. We spent the whole summer together and in the end it was even more difficult to say goodbye, but we had to. I moved to England and started my study at Oxford." Mulder stopped talking, for the first time looking up at Skinner. Skinner was taken aback by his story. This was even worse than he had imagined. "What happened after that?" he asked. "She was the most important person in my life, but unfortunately we lost contact through the years. I guess it was the distance and being away from each other for so long, but it didn't mean I forgot about her, she still was the love of my life and...." He paused for a moment "in a way I guess she still is." That shocked Skinner. He had always thought that Mulder was in love with Scully and the same way back, but now he was talking about another person, somebody from the past, that he hadn't seen in years, and he still called her the love of his life. "But what about Scully?" Mulder smiled. "Everybody called her DK, she hated that nickname. The day we met, she told me that she didn't want me to call her DK. I was allowed to call her everything I wanted, as long as it wasn't DK, so I didn't. I always called her Kat or Katie, but never DK." "Huh?" That didn't make any sense to Skinner. He asked about Scully and Mulder started to talk about nicknames. However Mulder thought that Skinner already understood that he was talking about Scully. "Katie came from her middle name, Katherine." He explained. "What does that have to do with Scully?" Skinner wanted to know. Suddenly Mulder understood that Skinner didn't realize yet. "DK stands for Dana Katherine." He waited, until the realization would hit Skinner. It took a few minutes, but suddenly Skinner did realize and his jaw dropped. "Katie is the same person as Scully?" Mulder nodded. "Yes." At that moment Skinner finally knew why Scully had been so worried, why she knew so much of Mulder's past. Mulder hadn't told her about his past, she was his past. "If you knew each other before, why...." He didn't finish. "Why didn't we get back together?" Mulder finished for him, understanding what he wanted to ask. "Yes." "Because after I left, I told myself I had to forget. I moved on by closing that chapter of my life. Talking about that time would open the book of my past and I was afraid I couldn't handle that. So I didn't talk about it. But now I'm starting to realize that I can't keep the book closed forever, because keeping it closed will mean that I'll never be able to get back what I want." "Scully." "Yes, Scully. I loved her and I never stopped doing that." Mulder smiled. "Mulder?" came a hesitating voice from behind them. They turned around, it was Scully. She looked at them hesitantly, her attention focussed on Mulder. "Are you alright?" He looked at her, the woman he loved, his anchor in the dark, and he smiled reassuringly, taking his hand in hers. "Yes, I'm alright." He pulled her closer to him, bringing her in his arms, hugging her closely. She hugged him back, for a moment they forgot everything else. When they let go, they saw Skinner making his way back to the hotel, giving them some time alone, time to talk and find back what they had had to do without for a long time. End of part 5 Shadows of the Past (6/6) (Epilogue) A FEW WEEKS LATER. The sun was hot and shone on the DC area with a vengeance. Families took advantage of the weather and went out for picnics and couples went out for strolls in the park. Assistant Director Walter Skinner pulled up outside a big white house and turned off the engine. For a few moments, he just sat there, lost in thought. The case had been over for a while but he was reminded of it every day at work. Well, every time he looked at Mulder and Scully. A lot had happened in such a short time and Skinner was glad, for a change. His two Agents had talked and had got their acts together. On the same day as his man-to-man chat with Mulder, the young man had finally managed to close the dark chapter of his life few knew about, with the help of a certain red-head. The two agents had got back together, after a long time of waiting and Skinner was happy to say that both appeared to be happier and more relaxed. He grinned to himself, shaking his head and got out of his car. Maggie Scully opened the front door before he even had a chance to knock and greeted him with a warm smile. "Walter! She hugged him quickly. I'm so glad you could make it. Dana and Fox will be so pleased!" Skinner smiled and let her lead him through the house and into the back garden. His smile widened and was matched by one of hers as they caught sight of Mulder and Scully locked in a tender embrace. Maggie shook her head and cleared her voice, making the two aware of their presence. Scully smiled welcomingly at Skinner and turned in Mulders arms so she could face her mother and her boss. Mulder, too, smiled at him and then went back to whispering in Scully's ear. She laughed and he smiled, a sight that pleased both her mother and their superior. Other members of the Scully family were there and were introduced to Walker Skinner. Charles Scully, the younger of Maggie's two sons was there with his wife and children. Bill Jnr was there with his wife, Tara and their son. Bill was shooting Scully disapproving looks and earning scolding looks from mother, brother and wife, much to Skinner and Mulder's amusement. By early afternoon, the family barbecue was in full swing. Scully had managed to tear herself from Mulder's arms long enough to help her mother in the kitchen, leaving Mulder sitting alone on the back porch. Skinner soon joined him and the two men sat in comfortable silence for a few moments. "So how are you, Mulder?" Skinner was the first to break the silence, shooting his companion a side-long glance. "Really?" Mulder grinned. "I'm fine, Sir." He gazed to Scully as she walked out of the kitchen and over to her big brother, casting a smile in his direction before he turned back to Skinner. "I'm better than fine. Better than I've been in a long time." "I'm glad to hear it, Skinner smiled. But you can call me Walter, though. We're not at work now. Dana does." "It might take me a while to get used to it," Mulder warned, still grinning. "Maybe as long as it takes for Bill there to accept I'm not leaving his sister alone anytime soon." "I'm sure Dana will be pleased to hear that," Walter commented. "I'll be pleased to hear what?" Scully's voice had startled them both, neither having seen her creep up behind them. "Just that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," Mulder answered, taking her hand and tugging, pulling her into his lap. "No matter what Bill says!" Skinner added with a smile as he watched them. Scully laughed at his comment. "Glad to hear it," she smiled. "But I don't think Bill really minds anymore." "What gives you that impression?" Mulder looked at her curiously. "Because he isn't shooting you a death-glare for holding me," she laughed again. "At least not anymore. I think he's accepted you as one of the family again." "Good." Mulder smiled and kissed her softly. He then turned his attention to Skinner, who was sitting silently beside them. "Now this means I have to get used to calling you Walter outside of work, doesn't it?" "Take your time on it," Skinner answered good-naturedly before excusing himself and leaving them alone. Mulder took advantage of the semi-privacy and stole another kiss from Scully's lips. "Just the two of us, at last." "Not really," she whispered softly. "Practically the whole family is watching us, you know." "The whole family? What happened to them being your whole family?" "They're just as much your family as they are mine," she responded. "Do you mean it?" Mulder arched an eyebrow. "Absolutely." She smiled again. "Unless you don't want them, I could perfectly understand you not wanting to be part of Bill's family!" "Hey!" Bill Jnr exclaimed from just in front of them, a small grin on his face. "I heard that! Besides," the grin widened. "If Mulder here wants in on this family, he has to accept us all." "Consider yourself accepted," Mulder took the out-stretched hand Bill gave him. "Right back at you." The two men shook hands and Scully smiled at her brother warmly. Bill was soon called over to his family where Maggie was arranging everyone for a picture. Scully stood and helped Mulder up and the two made their way to the group. They all stood in the positions Maggie put them in and as the camera flashed, Mulder heard Scully whisper to him. "Welcome to the family." End of Part Six. End of Shadows of the Past. ??