From: reneemaria714@hotmail.com Date: Sun, 10 Dec 2000 13:49:53 -0500 Subject: gossamer submission Source: direct "Shallow" by Renee Maria Rating: PG-13? probably not more than PG but just to be sure... Category: MSR (duh) Spoilers: None Disclaimer: Mulder belongs to Scully and Scully belongs to Mulder. But CC owns the whole works. Me, you ask? I merely sit back and let them do the work while I get to enjoy the finished product. This particular story is mine though, and CC will never get it! Summary: Mulder reflects on his past and future... "Shallow" I can't believe I'm doing this! I'm going to my senior prom with a girl that I can't stand! Of course, she doesn't know that I can't stand her. She thinks, along with pretty much the whole rest of the school, that I love her and that since we have been dating for five whole months already without one single fight that we are meant for each other. Ew! Okay. I have to ring the doorbell. I told her I would be here at 7 p.m. sharp. My finger just doesn't want to reach up and ring the bell. But I guess I have too. I can see her coming towards the door now. What am I going to say to her? I guess I'll be just like I've been to her for the past five months. So she is standing in front of me now. She has just opened the door and she has on a pale blue dress and her hair is pulled up into a bun. Pale blue is definately NOT her colour. Of course, any colour isn't really her colour. Oh well. This is what I have done with my life so now I have to live with it. "Hey, Fox!" She is grinning at me like the idiot that she is and I have to put on a grin as well. I am leaning forward slowly to wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her lips. This really doesn't feel right. This has never felt right. "Shall we?" I am forcing myself to hold her hand as we walk towards the car. Soon we will be at the senior prom. I can't wait... Alright. I think I might just be the luckiest man alive! She just dumped me! And in front of the intire school! She had been seeing another guy for two whole weeks! I was surprised about that but at the same time overwhelmingly overjoyed! Now I could go home in peace. ***************************************************** What am I thinking? I don't love her. I have to get that through my little head. I just need a little something to get my mind off of everything else in the world; the real things, the things that matter to me. Come to think of it, what does matter to me besides finding my sister? I always do this! I always try to rationalize with myself, but I'm not fooling anyone. Wait. I'm fooling everyone...except for myself. I have to end this before it goes too far. I have to stop kissing her. But then what will she think? Why do I even care what she will think? This is way too complicated! "Pheobe..." I have to talk to her. I can't just go on like this. Not this time. "What's the matter with you today? You're acting strange." She is looking up at me and I don't think I've ever seen her look at me this way before. I have to do this. I have to tell her that this isn't working. But I can't. "Nothing." I have to smile at her. Now she's smiling back and lacing her arms back around my neck. "That's better." She's kissing me again. What have I gotten myself into? Wait. What about that job that I am looking into in the States? I really want the job. Working for the FBI would be perfect. I would have all the access that I need to help me locate my sister. But they never called back. I wanted an interview. I need an interview. I know that Pheobe would NEVER leave England to follow me to the States. That would be perfect! I would never have to see her again. It would be a very good reason to end things. This is excellent! And I'm not being sarcastic! My cell-phone is ringing! A perfect reason to end this kiss. "Hello?" Pheobe doesn't look very pleased. But I don't believe what I am hearing! It's a guy from the FBI offering me the job! They want me for an interview! I don't believe this! I need to get off the phone. "Yes, I will be in the States on Tuesday. I will come down at 11:30." Yes! This is great! "Thankyou very much." I am hanging up the phone now with a smile. Explaining to Pheobe will not be difficult. She knew that I was looking for a job at the FBI and she probably even knows what that call was about. "It was the FBI, wasn't it. They want you for the job." I am smiling but I must quickly replace that smile with a sad frown. "Yes. I'm taking the job too. This is what I have always wanted. I have to take this." She is nodding! This is excellent! Perfect! I'll be leaving the day after tomorrow. ***************************************************** "Fox, I don't want you to leave. Why don't you just stay here?" "Diana...okay." I really don't want to do this. Why am I doing this? I need to stop this before it gets carried away. I don't care about Diana. I wish I could tell her this but I just can't seem to do it. How many times has this happened before? Have many more times will it happen? I know that this just can't be right. There are plenty of couples out there who really love each other. Why can't I have that? I feel so shallow. "I'll just go change. I'll be right back." Okay. Take all the time you need. I need this time to think... She's back. That was WAY too quick. "So, Fox..." "Diana, we have to talk." I can't believe I'm doing this! This has to be the first time I have ever even attempted to break up with a girl! "Look. This...us...it isn't working anymore." She is looking at me like it's no surprise that I'm saying this. "I know, Fox. It's not working for me either. Maybe we just need some time apart." She is agreeing with me? "Yeah, that would help." "Fox, maybe you should go." She doesn't know how right she is! I am leaving now without anymore words. Words just don't seem necessary tonight... She left. She left the X-files. I got to work this morning and I was informed that she had transferred. And I'm glad. ***************************************************** So after all of my VERY unsuccessful relationships I never really expected to ever have that life that so many people seemed to have with no problem. But then I met this woman. I had never felt that way before. Ever. She made my heart stop, every time I saw her. It was so perfect! I love her more than I love myself, more than anything else in the world, more than life. And the best thing is that she loves me back! I asked her to marry me today and she said, "Of course I will, Mulder. Did you even have to ask?" And then I kissed her. That is the one thing that I could do all day long, every single day for the rest of my life and it would NEVER get boring. I just can't wait to be able to spend every single minute of the rest of my life with her... ***************************************************** From the moment that I met Dana Katherine Scully, I knew that I would spend the rest of my life as close to her as I could be. I thought about our life together all the time. I even dreamed of us married but never believed that it would actually happen. But one day I just had to find out how she felt. I knew that I loved her more than life but I didn't know if she felt quite as strongly about it as I did. But if she did feel the same, then what was I doing? I had wasted so much time already! All this time we could have had together! So I went to her apartment one Friday evening after work. She answered the door in a matter of seconds. "Hi, Mulder. What's up?" She was wearing blue jeans and a black tank top. I suddenly felt very warm. "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to talk, that's all." I smiled down at her and she returned the smile. "Come on in." She moved back and I stepped into her apartment. I watched her as she closed the door behind us and turned back around to face me. "Wanna sit down?" she asked quietly. She must have seen the concerned look on my face. I wanted to tell her how I felt about her right this very minute but I figured that it would be better to sit down first. I might try something that I would regret if we were standing. For example: I might grab her and kiss her before she even had the chance to fully comprehend what I was going to say, or I might just pick her up and... Alrighty. So, we headed towards the couch. I sat down and she sat next to me, on my right. I was as ready as I would ever be to tell her. I was just waiting for her to get comfortable. "So what did you want to talk about, Mulder?" This was my cue. "Scully, you don't know how hard this is for me to do this." I had scared her a bit but she was trying to hide it. What did she think I meant? She nodded slightly and I continued. "I have been... Scully..." I couldn't help it. I was crying. Not sobbing...yet... but the tears were beginning to flow. Scully looking up at me and placed the back of her hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes involuntarily at her touch. "What is it?" I had to tell her before I broke down. "Scully, I love you so much. Can you ever understand that?" I had slowly opened my eyes as I said this and Scully was giving me that same very slightly frightened look. But that quickly changed into a small smile and she looking down at her lap and removed her hand from my cheek. "That's what you came here to tell me?" She slowly looked back up at me, still wearing that small smile. I looked down at my lap now. "Yeah." I whispered. And then I felt the palms of her hands rest on my cheeks and tilt my face up to meet hers. "Mulder..." her voice trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished. "I love you too." I couldn't believe what she had said. My eyes immediately locked with hers. I couldn't believe she had just said that! Before I had I chance to get a good look at her face she was pulling my head down to rest in her lap. I had to shift on the couch so that I was lying down with my legs curled up at the other end of the couch, with my face pressed into her stomach. Scully began to run her hands through my hair and I knew at that moment what heaven must feel like. I smiled and closed my eyes as she continued to stroke my hair. After a few moments she leaned down and placed a kiss on my ear. I smiled even wider and brought my arms up to circle her waist. That was when I realized that I hadn't even taken my jacket off yet! But I certainly didn't want this moment to end. Finally, Scully pulled my head back up to hers and I had to once again shift on the couch so that I was almost in her lap. She smiled at me and pulled my face even closer until our foreheads were touching. She left the rest up to me. I didn't waste my time. I slowly brought my lips to hers and closed my eyes. We stayed like that for a very long time, until finally I began to feel like I was crushing Scully against the couch. Without taking my lips off of hers, I pulled her down to me and leaned back on the couch so that we were lying down on it with her on top of me and our arms wrapped around each other. We kissed on her couch for over an hour and finally she rested her head against the couch pillow next to my head. She pressed her lips to my cheek repeatedly and I smiled. I had all that I ever wanted or needed. I knew that I would ask her to marry me in the morning. Maybe it would be too soon but I didn't care. I had loved her for years now and I never wanted to have to be away from her again. We slept on her couch with our arms around each other and I did ask her in the morning. I don't know when we'll get married. We haven't figured it out yet. But it will be soon. Very soon. And I can't wait. And for the first time in my life I don't feel quite as shallow... FIN So, how'd you like it? Let me know what you thought! Just drop me a line...