From: katchat42@juno.com Date: Sat, 16 Aug 2003 03:24:24 GMT Subject: No Subject Provided Source: direct Title: She Author: Katchat Rating: G Category: V, R Keywords: MSR Spoilers: Theef (Hardly my favorite ep, but I enjoyed the subtle M/S moments) Disclaimer: Would the real owner of these characters please stand up? Summary: Mulder's musings She She does keep me guessing. I find it hard to keep up with her, for she is a constant conundrum to me. She seems to stay the exact person she was when I met her, and yet she changes every minute. I know her pretty well. At least, I think I do. I know her well enough that I can pretty safely predict what she will say to me, how she will react, what conclusions to which she will come. I know how her mind works, how it is ruled by science and driven by cold facts. It is rational. It is earthbound. I know how she distances herself from her work, keeping it at arm's length, lest she be drawn in and suffer the consequences. She hides whatever emotions she feels, keeps them at bay so that she can operate as the scientist she has made herself to be. But then the next minute, she surprises me. She steps out of character. She forsakes logic. She follows her instinct, rather than her mind. She lets herself believe. She is a puzzle to me. A puzzle to which the pieces have steadily been handed to me over the years. I am slowly piecing it together, and it is developing into a beautiful portrait of the person she is. She is complex. She is deep. She is always growing. But she is still a contradiction. She is so strong, yet there is a weakness in her that I can see, that reveals itself at times when she lets down her guard. She is reserved, and yet I have seen the deep pool of her emotions, all the things that swirl inside her that she dares not release. She is brilliant, and yet I know there are times when she comes up with no answers to the questions her heart is asking. She is sagacious, but there have been occasions when her theory is even more far-fetched than mine. She is serious, but with an intricately controlled teasing side, a sense of humor that can catch me so off guard. She is small, yet larger than life, soft, yet harder than nails, calm, while racing a million miles a minute. These are the complexities that I find myself so enraptured with. I wonder at how she can be so many things in so little a body. How such diversity can exist in one person. It's a mystery I cannot hope to reveal, let alone understand. But that doesn't mean I will stop trying to master her, to know her ways, to comprehend how she functions. I want to know her. She is my favorite subject. She is my muse. She does keep me guessing.