********************************************************************* This author's e-mail address has changed to: rainydays@softhome.net ********************************************************************* From: =?iso-8859-1?q?Angharad=20Wade?= Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 13:47:14 +0000 (GMT) Subject: She feels weak. He feels determined to protect her (1/1) by Angharad Source: direct TITLE: She feels weak. He feels determined to protect her. (1/1) AUTHOR: Angharad E-MAIL ADDRESS: sweet_roses_2000_uk@yahoo.co.uk - feedback welcome. DISTRIBUTION: No Archive apart from SEFAMSRN but story will also be on my website at http://uk.geocities.com/little_corner_2000/ CATEGORY: Vignette, Mulder and Scully POV (yes in the same fic!) Mulder and Scully Angst KEYWORDS: MSR RATING: PG SPOILERS: Brief spoilers and you need to know about Scully's cancer (I'm sure you all do by now!) DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from the X Files; they are the property of Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. SUMMARY: CHALLENGE #2: MULDER AND SCULLY ARE ON THE JOB, AND SCULLY EXPERIENCES A NOSEBLEED. DESCRIBE THE SCENE THAT FOLLOWS. AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to Kate for editing my story :) I find Mulder looking at me with concern in his hazel eyes and worry etched on his face, though I'm the only one who can detect those worry lines. Scully. My beautiful Scully. "I think you'd better go to the bathroom," I tell her. "Why?" I question before realisation dawns. My God, am I having a nosebleed? I put my hand up to my nose and reveal bright red dots on my fingers. I don't normally feel nauseous at the sight of blood; heck I'm a doctor! But at that moment... I push past Mulder and hurry to the bathroom as quickly as I can, trying to maintain my dignity. I saw the myriad of emotions on her face, the question on her face shown through a frown- though I'm the only one who can detect that- at what I told her before the realization dawned on her face with horror showing in her clear blue eyes at the sight of her blood on her slim fingers. But what struck me the most was the hint of fear I saw in her eyes as she pushed past me, trying to be graceful and avoiding my gaze. I know that she'll want to be alone and she'll be pissed off if I go after her, but she doesn't need to be alone in this, to fight this alone. Not when there's every chance of losing her, my precious Scully with her strong soul. So I go down the corridor where I know she's been and head towards the women's bathroom. Why did this have to happen, in front of him? Thank God we weren't interviewing a suspect like last time. We had just stopped to take a break after following some leads. After I've finished cleaning myself up, thankful there isn't any blood staining my cream blouse, I take a look at the horizontal mirror above the washbasins in front of me. What I see haunts me. I look presentable on the outside, a little pale maybe, but I'm shocked by what my eyes show, those startling deep blue eyes of mine that reveal the depths of my soul and at that moment they're telling me that I have given up the fight to live; I have accepted this willingly and though the blue orbs also show my fear, the fear of the unknown, it is the lack of strength in me that stands out. I am horrified at this, me who is supposed to be the stronger of the two and because my eyes dare to give away the secrets of my soul so readily, the secrets inside that I guard so fiercely. A thought suddenly strikes me - Mulder! If I can see those- dare I say it- feelings in my eyes, then he must too, my best friend who knows me so well. How much this must be hurting him, my beautiful Mulder who takes on his guilt and mine so readily, such a sensitive, scarred soul, I think sadly. I fear I'm about to cry, to drown in my self pity though I fight against it, partly because at the moment I'm Special Agent Dana Scully but partly because I hate those feelings of self-pity so much; they're a sign of weakness. At that moment I hear a tentative knock on the door but I don't answer because I know who it is, he who will always gladly follow me to the ends of the Earth and back. I try to compose myself as best I can, slipping my professional mask over my face as I'm screaming out in agony on the inside. How much easier life would be if I could do the same with feelings, I think wistfully. I enter after hearing nothing, assuming that Scully is the only person in the bathroom. What I see cuts painfully through my heart. She has turned to face me after hearing me walk in quietly but I can see the turmoil in her eyes, her soul through her mask, though it is carefully concealed but she forgets sometimes that I know where to look, where the cracks are. At the moment, the cracks are in her eyes, she may be struggling to keep her startlingly clear blue eyes neutral but you can never close the windows to your soul. I walk up to her so we are mere inches apart. "Are you okay?" I ask. Such an inappropriate question, I think angrily; how can she be okay? Heaven knows I'm not, though I try to hide it from her. She has enough without worrying about how I'm coping. Why should she worry about how you're coping? A nasty voice pipes up but I push that thought away ruthlessly, knowing it to be false. I may not know exactly how she perceives me but I know that she's a woman of honour and that she won't lie to me about the truth of her heart. At his question, I meet his eyes and say in a strong voice thankfully, "I'm fine. What are you doing here?" before turning my attention back to the mirror, trying to comb out some of the tangles in my red hair resting on my shoulders with my fingers. I acknowledge that I'm avoiding his hazel eyes, that intense gaze that I know he has focused on me right this moment but if I look into his beautiful hazel eyes, I'm afraid at what I might find in there, but mainly because if I meet his gaze for longer than a few seconds I fear that his penetrating gaze will crack my armour and I don't need that now. I need to do this on my own even though dimly my logic tells me I can't. I watch for a few seconds as she's combing out her hair in an attempt to dismiss me but I know her better than that and I gently turn her shoulders to face me. When she won't meet my gaze, I gently lift her chin up with my fingers, one hand still on her shoulder, for support and to tell myself that she's still here, that it hasn't already happened and that it isn't just a dream. I allow myself to meet Mulder's gaze, aware that I'm trembling a little but I feel the heat from his warm hand on my shoulder penetrating through my clothing which comforts me. "Scully." That one statement asks all the questions that I know he's afraid to ask, but mainly to let him in. I then realise I need him just as much he needs me. Her deep blue eyes answer all of my questions and I pull her to me, enveloping her into a hug, not missing the glimpse of tears filling her eyes and a grateful smile on her pale face. I feel her arms wrap around my back tightly, allowing me to feel a snippet of what she's feeling at that moment. I feel her fear. I allow myself to be pulled into Mulder's warm embrace, aware of silent tears falling onto my cheeks. For a moment I hold onto him as if I was holding onto a lifeline, because he is. I feel him doing the same. We're like yin and yang in that respect, incomplete without each other. After what seems like several minutes, we pull apart though Mulder is holding onto my elbows and I have my hands resting lightly on his waist. I realise we're too scared to let go but that thought vanishes when I look into his hazel eyes, a contrast of colours due to the fluorescent lighting in the bathroom. I am surprised at what I read there but after a few seconds I know that my own eyes are mirroring what he's saying because deep in the recesses of my heart I know that I feel the same too. I hold onto her thin elbows because when she was holding onto me so tightly, the phrase 'life is too short' ran through my mind so I made the decision to seize the moment. I spend several minutes looking into her wet blue eyes until I read what I've hoped for, yet feared for so long. I lean in to her full lips. I watch Mulder lean in towards me before I close my eyes as his lips meet mine. It is a gentle kiss and every bit as I imagined. I feel the overwhelming love he has for me, his fear at my cancer and the desire to protect me with every ounce of his being deep in his soul. I'm almost surprised when she kisses me back, part of me fearing that I misread her eyes but when the feeling passes, I revel in her love for me, so fiercely guarded and hidden in the depths of her soul along with her fear and anger at her cancer, for being made to feel weak. When we part I feel renewed determination flare up in my soul. I'm not going to go without a fight, not now, when we have just declared our love for each other we always knew was in our hearts, we were just too afraid to confront it. When we part, I see the renewed determination in her clear blue eyes and love her all the more. We smile knowing smiles at each other before I say, "We'd better get back Mulder. They'll be wondering where we are," with an amused smile on my face, my soul feeling rejuvenated. We will fight this together and walk down the dark road ahead side-by-side. "I wonder what they'll think? I'm sure I saw a few agents on my way in and we have been here for a while Scully..." I trail off with a wide grin on my face. I know I must look like an idiot, but who cares? I can show my true self to Scully and she'll love me all the same. My insides are shouting for joy that she's back to normal, as normal as she can be with the bleak road we have ahead but I know that we'll see it through because Scully is strong, but we're stronger together. I see her smiling at my innuendo, which isn't far off the mark I think with a chuckle but allow her to walk out the bathroom before me for appearances sake. When we're in the corridor I see that she has again slipped on her professional mask but I also see in her deep blue eyes, that she reserves only for me, her gratefulness and the promise of more to come. When I meet Mulder's eyes in the corridor I show him how I feel with a lightness in my heart before walking briskly done the corridor with my head held high. Damn I love that woman, I think with a smile on my face at her retreating back, before strolling down the corridor to join her where we are once again in tandem as partners. THE END ===== A Little Corner - http://littlecorner.bravepages.com/index.html Visit my other X Files sites there too :)