From: "Leslie Cummings" Date: Wed, 13 Nov 2002 14:07:49 +0000 Subject: No Subject Provided Source: revision Title: She Stirs Author: Barenaked Bostonian Spoilers: Pine Bluff Variant Rating: R, dirty words. Distribution: do what you will with it!!! Just um, don't hurt it, I don't want to have to pay the medical bill. Disclaimer: Well, because it is now OVER (the assholes want me to die don't they?) I guess disclaimers aren't really needed anymore. But then there are the re-runs, and FOX still has a contract with them... DAMN IT! Okay, so they're NOT mine... Feedback: Is loved and molded into another piece of fiction! YAY!!! Email or IM me at BNLXPhile12@aol.com. It would be much appreciated!!! Keywords: UST, Mulder/Scully Summary: Mulder's thoughts after the events in "Pine Bluff Variant", and a sleeping Scully. ~*~*~*~X~*~*~*~ I'm laying on my couch right now. It's... 2:43 in the morning, but I just can't seem to fall asleep. Perhaps it has something to do with my fingers. They hurt like a motherfucker. At least the swelling has gone down. Today's confrontation at the bank has left me feeling weary... and defeated. Somewhere, in the back of my mind there is a little voice that's taunting me: "You're never gonna get the truth, nah nah nah nah nah." If I could silence the voice, without shooting myself in the head, that would be just wonderful but it seems that I have no alternative. And right now, as depressed as I am, I'd like to continue living. It's now... 2:50. I wish I could get at least a little bit of sleep so I won't look like a zombie tomorrow. Then again, tomorrow is Saturday, so I guess it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm leaving my apartment anyway, not like Scully would let me. Her reasons for staying with me tonight are not reasons, they are excuses. I could see it in her eyes, she wanted to be with me, to keep me safe. Usually I take that defense, and when i do it pisses her off to no end. But tonight, I feel comfort in her presence. It seemed that she had the unwaivering belief that I wouldn't pull through on this, that I would end up dead just like so many others. And I almost did. Both of our emotions are running high right now. Some feelings that were dredged up during that investigation have no business being dragged into the light. She doesn't need to know that I was thinking about her, every damn minute that I was out there. She doesn't need to know that when I was at gunpoint, kneeling on the ground, that my last thought would have been of her. Of what I would never get to tell her, never get to show her. It is no longer a question of if, it is a question of when. When we will stop begin so detached and admit our feelings toward each other. She stirs next to me on the bed and pulls the comforter more solidly around her. She is on the right side and I am on the left. I was surprised when she didn't fight me when I suggested that we both sleep here. But she and I both know that we can... keep our hands to ourselves. Or at least she can. My hand reaches over to pull a strand of hair away from her face, and a faint smile appears on her lips. My hand doesn't seem to be bothering me anymore, strange. I have a passion for her that goes beyond that of the X-Files. My passion is all consuming and it takes a shitload of energy to suppress it. But I feel something is coming, something that is going to change the dynamic between us, break down the barriers. All of this bullshit that I've been thinking, if we get together it will hurt the partnership, if I tell her how I feel things will all go to hell... that's exactly what it is, bullshit. The time isn't right at the present though, so I will have to wait. I can wait. Waiting I can do. She stirs once more and turns to face me. A sigh escapes her lips and I can hear her mumbled words. "When Mulder?" Her eyes are still closed and she looks like a sleepy goddess in my bed. "Soon Scully." I smooth her hair. "Soon." *~EnD~*