From: "michelle birkby" Date: Thu, 12 Aug 1999 01:34:21 +0100 Subject: re; she's already in love Source: direct TITLE;SHE'S ALREADY IN LOVE AUTHOR;MICHELLE BIRKBY EMAIL;MBIRKY@HOTMAIL.COM RATING;G CATEGORY;V SPOILER;MILAGRO,TRIANGLE KEYWORDS;MULDER/SCULLY ROMANCE SUMMARY;MULDER'S THOUGHTS AFTER HE IS TOLD 'SHE'S ALREADY IN LOVE' IN MILAGRO. 'She's already in love.'. And that's it. He leaves, leaving that last remark hanging in the air between us. I can't believe it. How does he know? How can he know something about her that I do not? I turn to look at her. I know my face is incredulous, and I wait for her to turn to me, make a remark, a denial,anything to break the tension. She doesn't. She just stands there, lost. There isn't any surprise on her face. There's only acceptance. It's as if he's just revealed to her something she knew, deep down inside herself. Why doesn't she say something? I know I love her. I've loved her for a very long time. I never said anything. I don't know why. Part of me assumed she knew. Part of me was afraid of what she would say, afraid she would run and hide. Part of me wanted her to say something first, confirm what I thought she felt for me. I was never sure though. She was always so cool, so self-possessed. I always felt there was a part of her I couldn't reach. But she is in love. He said so. I want her to turn, say it's me, so I can tell her too, and the long agonising wait is over. She doesn't. What if it isn't me? What if all the games, the flirting, the shared moments of desperation and death and joy didn't mean as much to her as it does to me? I think it does. I hope and pray desperately that it does. But still she doesn't turn. I told her I loved her once. She just dismissed it. If she turns now to face me, she'll know I meant it. She doesn't. I can't say it, not until she does, and I don't think she ever will. She's turned her back on what could have been the moment we admitted it, and all I can do is watch her walk away, and hope she'll turn back to me one day.