From: Lark513 Date: 22 Mar 1999 00:10:12 GMT Subject: NEW 'Shoeshine' by Hooty Mcboob (1/1) TITLE: Shoeshine (1/1) AUTHOR: Hooty Mcboob (a.k.a Ice Cube) EMAIL ADDRESS: Lark513@aol.com RATING: PG (unless of course you enjoy Celine Dion, then it's R) DISCLAIMER: I've never had my shoes shined. SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully get their little fibbie shoes shined. AUTHOR'S NOTES: This piece started life as a take off of a Kids in the Hall skit ('My hands...they move and they shine!') but ended life as this. The format is the way it is b/c it was quicker to spew it out this way. A 20 min. spew. Also, I know nothing about fingernails and DNA. This may be apparent to some of you. [Mulder and Scully are having their shoes shined. They are sitting next to each other, in raised red vinyl chairs that are slightly tilted backwards. Scully's briefcase lies in her lap. Strains of rap music and traffic are heard in the background.] "Scully, what makes a good song?" "What makes a good song? Why are you asking me that, Mulder?" "All these small mundane things in life that we take for granted are often unexplained. My area of expertise, but I have no answers. Why are my fingernails shaped differently than yours, why don't men get cellulite, and why do you wear those heels out in the field?" "None of that is unexplained. Just unknown to you and me. Everyone is different. Some of what you're asking, well that's the way nature is, Mulder, to much conformity and nature can't handle it. Fingernail texture and shape is determined by nature through DNA. And DNA is responsible for the cellulite women develop. But good music and my footwear choices, well if you ask you might just get an answer." "I did ask. No answer yet." "Fair enough. Music Good music. For me personally, music is good when it has the artist's soul interlaced with the sounds. Manufactured groups like the Spice Girls never did it for me, because they lacked heart in their words. If a musician writes and performs their own music, based on their own experiences and genuine feelings they had, it shows. And it conveys to the listener, who can sympathize. That's why I'll listen to anything Elton John or Billy Joel does but skip the Celine Dion. But there are other reasons behind the whole Celine hatred." "Her neck bother you too, Scully?" "Bingo." "You know, I agree with everything you said. Very well put." "Thank you." "And the heels?" "I have eyes, Mulder. Every time I wear these heels, I catch you and various other men checking out my legs." "They are a nice Italian leather, must have been expensive, hmm? " "But worth every penny." "[Clears throat] All done ma'am. All done with you too, sir. You two have a nice one." The end. light up my life at Lark513@aol.com