From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: 17 Jun 2001 17:40:46 -0000 Subject: Short Stories by little Starbuck* Source: direct Reply To: starbuck42ajw@yahoo.com Title: Short Stories Author: little Starbuck* Rating: PG Category: MSR Feedback: Yes Please, PLEASE! Send to starbuck42ajw@yahoo.com Disclaimer: Not mine. Spoilers: SEASON EIGHT. Distribution: I would be happy to share, please keep my name on it. Summary: Scully worries for her future. Mulder provides comfort of the best kind. Note: The beginning is a little discouraging, but give it a chance- it ends well! ~*Pleeze Enjoy*~ Short Stories little Starbuck* It's been years now. We just stopped visiting, stopped talking. I never saw it coming... never in my wildest dreams, but there it was one day, casting a dark shadow over what would remain of my life. And, God, I miss him. I knew that having a child would come between us somehow or another... I had thought it would be in a good way. I guess I was wrong. Now, after three years of pondering the thought, of running it over and over through my head, I try to find him. I want to apologize. But now he's gone. It began on Will's first birthday, the day Mulder brought Kelsey into our lives. He said she was just a friend... and old friend from college. This was, of course, after he and I had decided that a romantic relationship was not an option, after I got pregnant again... and had a miscarriage. It was a terrible time for both of us. I had demanded the reason for his withholding information about his neurological disorder. He had told me that he had changed, immensely, after his ordeal... that he was no longer the same person I had known for the past eight years. It was a terrible time for both of us. Mulder came to the birthday party with this "friend" of his bearing a small gift for his son, and a card for me. I pulled him into the bedroom about half way through the party and asked him who this mysterious blonde was. He sat down on the bed and held his head in his hands... "Scully, I'm getting old." He whispered. "Getting old? What does that have to do with... with her?" I asked. "She's a therapist. I was recommended to her by my doctor. Scully, I've never been able to dig this deep into myself. I'm finding things that I didn't ever know I had inside of me. She's really changed my life. I think... I think I'm in love." He managed. I gasped, almost silently. In love? Sure, we'd agreed to be friends, but how could he be in love... and so soon? "Really... well, I'm glad for you, Mulder. I'm glad you've found someone. You didn't have to bring her to your son's birthday party, you know." I can feel warm tears trickle down my cheeks as I speak. "I'm sorry. We don't talk on the phone anymore, Scully, how else could I have told you? This isn't what I'd expected in life. I always wanted to be with you." He doesn't move his gaze away from the carpet. "Mulder, we both made that impossible. In our case, opposites may have attracted for awhile. But, we both knew it couldn't happen. I'm sorry, too." Giggles and screams can be heard from out in the living room. "I want you to leave. Give Will your gift, then leave... for good." I try to hide the angry tone in my voice. "All right, Scully. Do you know I still love you?" He asks as he stands over me. "I wonder sometimes, but I know." I turn away as he leaves the room. That was two years ago. We have exchanged few delicate words since then. Today I meant to look him up and have a talk. When I called though, he was gone. Apparently he moved to Wyoming or something, leaving his blondy-blonde Kelsey behind. I tried for the entire afternoon to find him, calling relatives, coworkers, anyone who might have a clue where he could be. It was as if he had disappeared from the face of the planet again. This time I knew he wouldn't be back, ever. I laid down on the bed and cried myself to sleep, hoping with all my heart for an uplifting dream. None came. Will has asked why his daddy doesn't come by anymore. He has asked me where he's gone to, why he can't speak to him. I was always able to come up with a convincing answer, sometimes even convincing enough for myself... now what will I tell him?...... PRESENT DAY: SCULLY'S APARTMENT. I scroll down the FILE menu on my i-mac and click the EXIT button. I could never save this, knowing it could very well find it's way into the wrong hands. The baby's soft cries are becoming more intense. Time for lunch. As I'm heading into his room, though, there is a knock at the door. "Hey, Scully!" Mulder quietly lets himself in. "Hi, I'm just getting William up. Hold on." I disappear into the bedroom, returning with a sleepy little angel in my arms. "Hi, Will. Remember me?" Mulder asks as he touches the baby gently. "Sure he does. You've been over here, what, like twelve times in the last couple weeks." I smile up at him. We sit together on the couch. I offer my son a bottle, which he stubbornly refuses. Mulder turns his head as I hesitantly provide the other option. "He's a little picky, Scully." He jokes. "More like a little spoiled. He's just showing off, though. He's showing you that he has power, that he can always manage to get what he wants." I tell him with a smile. "So, what have you been up to for the last few hours?" Mulder picks up a magazine from the coffee table and casually skims through the worn pages. "Um... I was writing actually." He turns to me in surprise. "Writing? About what? I didn't know you... write." He places the magazine back down. "They say you should write something everyday, just to keep your skills up. So, I've been writing short stories, based on real life experiences... I have more than enough ideas." "Let me read one." He stands in anticipation. "No, no. I didn't save them. I just write them for fun." I say. "Why? Is this some weird post-pregnancy thing? Ya know, like depression or-or one of those weird urges?" He asks. "No, I just decided to start writing one day. It worked out well so I kept going." I smile slightly. I hope he doesn't pursue this anymore, not after my last story. "So, tell me one. I don't hear about things through your eyes enough. Tell me about the last one you wrote." He leans back, as if he's in for a long ride. "No, Mulder. You don't want to hear it, believe me." I rearrange the baby in my arms. He must feel my heart pounding now. "Yes, I do. Tell me... c'mon, it can't be that bad." His mouth turns down at the corners, forming a heart-melting pout. With any other person, I could lie through my teeth... but never with Mulder. "Um, it was about the future... Will's first birthday. Nothing too interesting. Just a story." He stands unexpectedly. "Is that it? Is that it on your computer over there?" He walks over to it before I can even stand up. I realize that I've forgotten to click the "Do not save changes" button that automatically appears when you try to exit the program. "No, no, no! Mulder, don't read that!" I run over to him and attempt to block his view. I'm too late, he's already begun. "Scully, what is this? Is "he" me?" He asks sadly. "No. Mulder, it's just a story... only an idea. It isn't real." I put my hand on his shoulder and try with all my might to push him back. "Just an idea? Scully, this says that I leave you... and William. It says I don't talk to you anymore," He scrolls down the page, " I move to Wyoming? This is your "idea" ?" He turns to me, his sad eyes burning deep into my soul. My heart stops as I realize I've made a giant mistake. "Mulder, I'm just.... I was trying to prepare myself for the worst." I admit. "Why would you need to do that?" He asks, his voice quivering. "Because I've lost you before. I need to... I need to feel like there's a reason to live if I ever lose you again." I reach over to the computer and shut the monitor off. "Scully, I'm not going to leave you. We have a son... together. That means we stay together. You know I couldn't give this up, ever! This... this is all I ever wanted." He grabs my shoulders with both hands. "I was so afraid of what I would do when I found myself without you. It was like living without a right arm. I was in therapy for weeks with Dr. Wilson. She started me on writing these stories. To help myself. I've been writing them since. They've only been getting sadder, though, and harder. But, it's working. If you left now, I could handle it... maybe... barely." "Scully, you have to trust me..." He pauses and stares at me for a moment, "Look, how about I get down, like this." He drops to the floor, on one knee, "and ask you a simple question?" "Mulder." I whisper, unable to think of anything else to say. "I love you. And, I've been wondering for the longest time, now... would you be my wife?" He takes my hand in his as he speaks. "My God... I think I should sit." He helps me over to the couch, where I've left William to sleep. I pick him up, carefully, and lay him on my lap. "Scully, I've been meaning to ask you this... well, forever. I thought you felt the same way." "I do. I mean... I will. Yes." I lift my head slowly to catch his reaction. His eyes are glistening. He smiles... that's all there is to do. "Promise you wont write any more stories... I mean, bad ones?" He asks after a moment. "Never again." I reach for a Kleenex and offer him one as well. He declines, attempting to keep his "manly-man" image going. "This might freak you out a bit... but, I had always hoped we would end up this way, Scully." "I know you did. It doesn't freak me out... I had hoped so, too." As a writer, or at least an attempted writer, I would have ended our story with a kiss or... something big, something that would be forever present on our heads, in our hearts. I guess writing isn't my forte, because I find that all we can do is sit, holding hands, smiling at each other through never ending tears of joy. This isn't the end of our story, I realize... it's only the beginning. ~*End*~ Author's Notes: Don't you just hate it when you forget to erase something on the computer and someone else finds it? Well, I've obviously been having quite a bit of trouble with my computer lately. Thus, the idea for this story. I'm not quite sure I liked how it turned out, but I do know it's different and I haven't done anything "different" for quite some time. Please tell me if YOU liked it, though. Feedback is what keeps us going!