From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2001 10:19:31 -0600 Subject: Should have known by serious shipper Source: direct Reply To: seriousshipper@hotmail.com Should have known by Serious shipper Spoilers: not a one! Summary: An important lesson to break down a barrier. Classification: MSR Rating: R, for a bad word Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to Chris Carter Author's notes/pleas: Please sent me some feedback!! My email is seriousshipper@hotmail.com, so please do!! Archive anywhere just keep my name!! I hope everyone likes this. It's kinda simple but I liked writing it. So enjoy!! Comfort comes in many forms. Most you have to ask for, acknowledge a need for. That isn't my style. I won't do it. I don't care if I suffer alone in my world and never get out. The comfort shows my weakness, and I should have none. I sit here in a car on a cold January night looking for something that isn't there. A monster...a mutant...hell, I don't even remember anymore. I relieved Mulder from our "unofficial" stakeout three hours ago. He gladly accepted and skipped off towards home. probably anxious to crawl into warm covers and drift off into much awaited sleep. Thinking only of himself when he asked me to come here, and fittingly thinking only of himself when he got a chance to leave. What a tired circle this had become. But, what was I to do about it. Ask for reassurance that he cares...that my happiness was important? Hell no! I didn't want comfort I had to ask for. It only means something when it is given from the bottom of the heart...not upon request. So I sit here. In some ridiculous part of my brain I'm wishing he would come back, apologize for everything he'd put me through, tell me to come home with him and he'll cook me dinner. Yeah, that will happen. I lean my head back against the cold headrest and close my eyes. I try to push away my thoughts, but fail miserably. I keep my eyes shut longer concentrating searching for a happy memory with Mulder. When I start to strain the thought scares me, and I cease my efforts. I don't want anything else...so there is a way to be happy. There has got to be. I won't quit on Mulder, as long as he reminds me soon that he hasn't quite on me. I'm tired. I'm drifting... "Ohhhhhh," I'm startled by a wrapping on the window. When I open my eyes the first thing I'm aware of is that it's daylight. The last thing I remember is it being 3 in the morning. The second thing I notice is Mulder staring at me with the most disapproving of expressions. I unlock the car, thinking for a moment it was unwise to let him in. I was right. He climbs in and says nothing for a few moments...only looks at me. I let him, no apology with flow from my lips. "Scully," he begins slowly. "See anything?" he asked. His voice is dripping with sarcasm. I want to slap him. Hard. "Nothing to see," I tell him coolly. I pretend to be straightening my hair and paying no attention to the much nastier look I'm getting now. "How would you know that if your eyes were closed?" he says never taking his eyes off of me. Now I turn to him, and look him straight in the eye. "I didn't need to see anything. Nothing was there. Mulder you know what, you should..." I don't finish. I know what I want to say. He should be thankful I came at all. I went on a thousand wild goose chases. So I fall asleep on one. I am unappreciated. Surprisingly Mulder's head drops alittle. He is staring at his hands in his lap. Without looking at me he says, "Thanks for staying here. Go home and get some sleep,". What?! His voice was unreadable. Was that a real thank you? Before I got a chance to respond he is out of the car and in his own. He doesn't look at me. He starts the ignition and is off. Fuck him. I am going to go home and get some sleep. That is exactly what I do. That same morning...6 hours later I wake up and look at my alarm clock. It's noon. This pisses me off. I hate to sleep in, even if it is Sunday. I stretch for a few minutes and then climb out of bed. I walk into the kitchen and begin fixing some toast. Then my cellphone rings. It's him, I know it. "Scully?" I say to humor him. I had a few other greetings in mind though. "Hey," he says. Way to cheerfully for my taste. "Yes?' I ask him impatiently. "Whatever could it be Mulder? And if you have another assignment for me, I should inform you that I'm busy this evening," my emphasize on the word `assignment' was obvious. Sometimes words flow from me too quickly. They are defenses though, never really what I'm trying to say. "Maybe I'll call back another time," he tells me in the most monotone of voices. Is he not even going to respond. Then I hear the infamous click and the line is dead. If this God-damn phone didn't cost $200 I would shatter it into a million pieces. I sink down into my sofa and sigh deeply. I only want one thing...to know. Does he care? That's all. I can't ask and he won't let me know. What am I supposed to do? The next day...Monday 7:00am I walked down the hallway to our office. Expecting to be the first one there. I am. I turn on my computer. Begin spitting out medical terms and drawing conclusions. I am writing an autopsy report for a man that...well what do you know, Mulder had me autopsy. His idea...of course. I stop typing and lean back in my chair. Then I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. I quickly pretend to be absorbed in my work. He walks in saying nothing. He walks straight to his desk and opens a minella folder. This is how the day will go, I tell myself. Great. Same day...11:00am We have now been working in silence for almost 4 hours. I want to say something, but have nothing I'd like to share. Then out of the corner of my eye I notice him looking at me. I would hope after 4 hours that I'm more appealing than that damn minella folder. But, it isn't a glance, he is still staring. So finally I speak. The sound of my voice sounding foreign in such a quite room. "What?" I snap. A little harsher than I mean. He doesn't flinch. "I'm going to get lunch," he says. Yeah...well so what. I didn't hear him invite me, so why the fuck do I care? Does he want me to take over minella folder duty? I stare blankly at him. "Are you hungry?" he asked me. Yeah...I am. "A little," I finally say. Letting my shoulders sag. Maybe lunch with Mulder wouldn't be so bad after all. He starts to rise out of his chair and head for the door. "Turkey, Swiss and Mayo coming right up," he tells me and shuts the door behind him. Well isn't that nice. He's picking me up a sandwich. Not like I'd want to get out of the office or anything? Whatever. I go back to typing. One hour later... "Here ya go," he throws a brown paper bad down on the desk. He smiles and goes back to his desk. I take a deep breath thinking I'm going explode. "Mulder," I say sharply. "Why did it take you an hour to go to the deli across the street?" not exactly what I wanted to say...but a good question anyway. "Whafttt?" he asks me with a mouthful of sandwich. "Oh..." he pauses to chew and swallow. "I took a little walk...needed to stretch my legs," I can feel me pursing my lips so tightly I don't know if I'm capable of talking. "What if I wanted to come?" there I said it. "Oh, well you could have," he looks confused. "Well," I said frostily. "You wouldn't have thought to ask, would you?" then I turn back to my computer screen. I can still feel him staring at me. I'm done, he'll be sorry if I speak again. Then suddenly he is up out of his chair. I don't look up. But, he walked around his desk and over to me. He leaned against my desk so close to me that his leg was touching my arm. Then he waited. I still didn't look up. "Scully?" he asked in a soothing voice. "What can I do?" Whoa! Did I hear right? What can I do? What can I do?! Did he know, did he finally understand. "Scully?" he prompts again when I don't answer. "I don't think your happy?". Now I look up at him. "Why do you care?" I ask him. Seriously wanting to know. Why take an interest today? "I always have," he tells me and places a hand over mine. "Could have fooled me," I say under my breath. But, I know he heard. He looks hurt. Then he get down on his knees so that we are at eye level. "You are all that matter to me. Do you know that?" I shake my head no. I don't always know that. He continues, "You are my everything," he takes my face in his hands. "You tell me what you want...what you need and I will do it," he stares at me for the longest time. I know my eyes are shining with tears that I won't allow myself to shed. "Mulder," I say placing my hand on his wrists. "That all I wanted to know...that's all," he smiles then. He kisses the side of my mouth ever so softly and I shudder. He pulls back and his eyes are closed. He is breathing deeply. "Mulder do you really mean that?" I say. Knowing that I'm pushing it just a bit. He rises from his kneeling position. Letting his hands fall to his sides. "Of course," he tells me. "But I'm just your partner," I tell him. His eyes become clouded...I've angered him. "Is that what you think?" I just stare and do not answer. Sometimes I think that and sometimes I don't. He nods and runs a finger over his lips. "Then I will tell you something, Scully," his voice is challenging. "Everytime your not with me I'm wondering if your safe, if your okay. Everytime you are with me I'm wondering if your happy. I wonder why you've stayed with me. Mostly thought Scully..." he pauses as tears well up in his eyes. "Mostly I look and you and just want to hold you. To kiss you. To make love to you. That...is what I want. You...and yes damn it. Of course I care Scully. Because I love you," he looks at his shoes...then at his coat. And before I know it he is out the door. I am stunned. I want to follow, but what will I say? Two hours later... I find myself at Mulder's door. My heart on my sleeve. My hopes high, wondering where this will take us. I knock tentatively on his door. A few moments later it opens. "Hi," he says and motions me inside. He takes his place back on the sofa and I am left standing in the middle of his living room. He is staring straight ahead, I notice his eyes are a little swollen. This may just be what prompts me to say what I say next. "I love you," it is soft and quiet. But his head snaps up immediately. "What?" he asks almost sounding afraid that he had heard me wrong. "I said, " and know I feel my throat begin to constrict. `Get it out Dana!' I take a deep breath. "I love you," before I know it he is off the couch and I am in his arms. He is sobbing and I find that I am too. "Scully, I love you. I will do anything to make you happy. Just tell me and it's done. Just tell me," we are hugging then he is kissing me passionately. I am in heaven. Then I realize right in the middle of the most important moment in my life, that mindreading is way overrated. Sometimes you just have to say it, speak your heart and life will be allot happier. We fall down on the couch and he is on top of me. "Scully, I have never felt this happy in my whole life. You are so perfect. God, I love you," I press me finger to his lips to quiet him. "Mulder...I want you,". Simple. ********************************************* THE END What did ya think???????