From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 12 Aug 2002 01:58:34 -0000
Subject: Shout to the Heavens (1/1) by Tami
Source: direct

Reply To: tamishipper@yahoo.com


Title: Shout to the heavens
Author: Tami
E-mail: tamishipper@yahoo.com
Feedback: Yes, please.
Spoilers: Everything.
Archive: Sure, just let me know. Okay.
Disclaimer: CC and Fox own these characters, however they 
were abusive beyond acceptable limits. So I abducted Mulder, 
Scully and William and they are now living happily together in 
an undisclosed location. Should their father's want them back 
for the movie franchise, they need to publicly thank the fan 
fiction writers who have made a valiantly effort of rewrite the 
wrongs of the past couple seasons, he must also agree to never 
separate William from his parent again. 

Summary: Skinner tells Mulder about his son.

Authors notes: This is a missing scene from the finale that the 
once brilliant CC decided to add to the list of off screen events. 
Since the scene was left to our own imaginations, I decided to 
take a crack at it. I hope you like it. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
USMC Brig
Quantico, Virginia


He sits in the darkness of his cold dingy cell; there isn't a part 
of his body that doesn't ache either from sitting and sleeping on 
the floor or the guard's brainwashing sessions that are really 
trying his last nerve. *If they ask me "what I am thinking" one 
more time I will not be held responsible for my actions.* He 
thought to himself then chuckled. *That will really help my 
defense.* 

*He made me do it, sir. He kept asking the same question over 
and over again until I savagely ripped out his liver and ate it 
with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.* Smiling as he 
recalled the look on Scully and Skinner's faces as he gave his 
somewhat disturbing psycho impression of Hannibal Lector.

*With the way they starve you in here, liver doesn't 
sound half bad, even though dinner was an hour ago, but 
I'm not to keen on roach ala mode with a side of mouth 
water. What ever happened to bread and water,* he 
thought.

The door to his cell opens revealing a blinding light and 
shadowed figures in its doorway. Preparing himself for another 
session of brainwashing 101, courtesy of his not so humble 
hosts, he curls himself into a ball and rocks himself back and 
forth in an attempt to look broken and defeated so they may 
show him a little mercy.  The guard walks forward and Mulder 
stops rocking, pulls himself into a tighter ball and hides his 
head on his knees all for a dramatic show.

"You have a visitor." the guard informs him before two more 
guards' grab his arms and lift him to his feet. They walk Mulder 
down a maze of long corridors, until they reached a small 
conference room probable twice the size of Mulder's cell, but 
with much more illumination. Only a small rectangular table 
and four chair exist in the room. 

 Walter Skinner sits patiently in one of the chairs and nervously 
taps his fingers against the table in a repeating rhythm. Skinner 
stands as they escort Mulder to an adjacent chair across the 
table from him. A guard informs Skinner that if he need 
anything just to call, then all three men exit the conference 
room leaving Mulder and his visitor to their business.

"There's a lesson to be learned from that," Mulder informs 
Skinner. 

Skinner throws Mulder a confused look, then slowly sit back 
down in the chair. "And what would that be." He looks at 
Mulder sternly.

Mulder grins at him "That if you wanted to get me to a meeting 
on time, all you needed was three armed guards with fully 
loaded weapons and military training to accomplish it."

Retaining his stern compose, although just barely, he pulls out 
several files from his bag and lays them on the table in front of 
him. "Nothings ever easy with you, is it?"

"Sir," he asks with a concerned expression on his face. "Are you 
only just now figuring that out." This concern expression now 
breaks into a wide grin.

"Cut the crap, Mulder. No I'm not just figuring that out, believe 
me! ..And yes,. I will look into adding a few fully armed 
guards with military training into the payroll, for next time."

"With all due respect, sir. I don't believe you'll need those 
guards now. I highly doubt there will be a next time."

Ignoring his statement, he flips open the file in front of him. 
"Mulder I need to ask you a few questions,. Okay.

Mulder leans back against his chair suspending the two front 
legs in the air. "Shoot."

Both men glare at each other for several seconds before 
Skinner continued. "Mulder, did you kill."

"No." Mulder barked more harshly than he had intended, then 
he takes a deep breath in an attempt to bury the anger that 
was evident in his voice. "You and I both know that Knowle 
Rohrer's a super soldier, and that they can't be killed. What you 
really want to know is whether or not I threw him off the 
catwalk, isn't, sir." 

"Well, did you." Again tapping nervously against the desk 
unsure if he wanted to know the answer.

"It was a case of throw or be thrown, sir," biting on his lower lip 
and thinking. "Do you think if he had manage to throw me off 
that catwalk, he would be shown the same hospitality as I've 
been shown here." Looking over at Skinner to see his face 
turning from shocked to concerned instantaneously over 
Mulder's last comment. "No, he wouldn't, he'd probably be 
branded a hero and given a metal or shiny new toaster."

Skinner knew Mulder's statement was true, except for the 
toast, he didn't even try to debate it. "Mulder you entered the 
facility illegally with a stolen pass card." Mulder only nodded. 
"Where'd you get the pass card from?"

Shrugging his shoulder, "I can't tell you." Before Skinner could 
continue, "I don't know myself, a man just handed it to me, He 
said it was a gift from another man known as the keeper of the 
truth.  That's all I know."

"So it basically fell in your lap and you didn't question that? 
Knowing the threats to your life, you didn't consider that it 
could be a trap? What were you thinking?"

Mulder looked at Skinner with disgust at his last question, then 
just stared at Skinner rocking his chair slightly on it's back legs.

"Mulder," he stared back. He could literally see the wheels 
turning in Mulder's head. And he just couldn't believe that a 
man as paranoid as he was would take such a risk.

Finally, he stopped rocking, leaned forward setting the chair 
back on all four legs. "I was thinking, I had enough, I'm tired of 
being afraid and looking over my shoulder. I'm tired of hiding 
and being alone. I was thinking about my son, about his 
mother, about how it's been nearly a year since I've held them 
in my arms. I was thinking about all the things I've missed, all 
of the firsts that I've missed. His first Christmas, Easter, 
Halloween, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, all his first holidays." 

Mulder looked over at Skinner to see that he was looking at the 
table and tapping his fingers again. Skinner looked up at him a 
moment later and was shocked to see how Mulder's facade had 
change so drastically. There were tears running down his face 
that Skinner was certain Mulder was unaware of. His eyes were 
red-rimmed and he could see pain that exist in them, it was 
almost unbearable to even look at. Then Mulder lowered his 
head to stare at the table and Skinner could tell that Mulder 
was making an almost futile attempt to keep his emotions in 
check before he continued. 

"Mulder," he said sympathetically.

Mulder swiped at the tears he now knew existed on his face and 
breathed deeply in hope to keep is emotions restrained. "I was 
thinking about, William's first smile, laugh, the first time he 
babbled and crawled or ate semi-solid food.  The way he would 
look at a new toy or the recognition in his eyes, as his mom 
walked in the room."

"Mulder, don't do this to yourself," placing his hand on top of 
Mulder's which lay in front of him on the table.

Mulder ignored him and continued. "I was thinking that this 
pass card and the information in that facility could somehow 
lead me to information that could get me home to my family. I 
want to go home, Skinner. I want to be there to see my son 
grow up. If I had it to do all over again I wouldn't have left in 
the first place, at least... I think I wouldn't have."

"Agent Scully convinced you to leave." 

Mulder stared at him for a moment, " yeah, kind of." 
Although Mulder was still looking down at the table he could 
see Skinner arch an eyebrow at his answer, so Mulder decided 
to let Skinner off the hook by answering his unspoken question. 
"I had a dream the night William was born. I didn't want to 
sleep at all that night, I remember thinking if I go to sleep that 
I'll wake up and all of it would have been a dream and I'd have 
no family. So I stayed up and watch him sleep or watched him 
being breast-fed. Anyhow, I guess I did manage to dose off." 
Taking a deep breath and looking over at Skinner before 
continuing, "I had a dream that I was walking in the living room 
holding William against my shoulder and singing to him. When 
the living room window behind me shattered and threw me to 
the ground with William still in my arms. I instinctively checked 
out my son and there was blood on him, he was covered in it. I 
remember screaming for Scully but never seeing her. My baby 
wasn't moving or making a sound and I couldn't get off the 
floor to the phone. I don't know when I realized it but it 
registered that the window shatter because of a gunshot and 
that the bullet went through me and into William. Killing him." 
Taking another deep breath to collect himself and wiping away 
renewed tears, "that was before I new of the danger to my life, 
between Kersch's warning, Scully and a couple more dreams, 
another one of them leaving my son orphaned, I left hoping 
that the danger would follow me. God, I hope that wasn't 
another mistake I've made."

Mulder now looked to Skinner for an answer to his question, 
Skinner looked down at the table again, he knew he had no 
right to be having this discussion with Mulder and that Scully 
should be the one to tell him about his son. Out of the corner of 
his eye he could see Mulder getting nervous about his obvious 
attempt of avoiding the question. More tears rained down his 
face and his lips and hands were trembling. Skinner knew 
instantly that several horrifying scenarios were playing out in 
Mulder's head.

"What, Skinner tell me. It was a mistake for me to leave, 
wasn't it?" Skinner remained silent despite Mulder's desperate 
plea for answers. "Did something happen?" Anger becoming 
apparent on his face, he stands abruptly throwing the chair 
back as he did, "DAMN IT, SKINNER. TELL ME, he yelled.

"Mulder, I think we should get back to preparing your case?" He 
tells him hoping that will be the end of it although knowing 
better.

"FUCK.. THE. CASE,. WALTER. Mulder howlers in his face, 
then walks around the table to Skinner, who rises from his 
chair and takes a step back. He can see Mulder fuming, his 
anger unleashed and directed at him and he wanders whether 
Mulder's about to strike him. Skinner knows he can take Mulder 
on, he's done it before, but he doesn't want to go down that 
road, if he doesn't have to. Especially not like this, this is 
Mulder's son and he's knows things about William that Mulder 
should know about. The thing is it's not his place to share. 
"SKINNER, IF SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH MY SON I HAVE A 
RIGHT TO KNOW, DAMN YOU."

"Mulder I think you should talk to Agent Scully about your son, 
she'll be here tomorrow I'm sure." He states sternly, "right, 
now I think we should get back to your defense."

"Walter," he smiles sarcastically and states in a toned down 
voice, "Everything you need refreshed on, about the conspiracy 
is in those files, but we all know that no amount of preparation 
is going to matter, it's a lost cause. DO YOU UN-DER-STAND?"

If circumstances weren't what they are and Mulder was in his 
office, talking down to him. He would be assigned to fertilizer 
detail until his retirement, Skinner thought to himself. "Yes, 
Mulder I understand," still retaining a passive tone despite 
being pissed.

"IF YOU UNDERSTAND," shouting even louder now. "THEN HOW 
DO YOU EXPECT ME TO WAIT TIL TOMMORROW TO KNOW 
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MY SON."

Mulder stared a Skinner just seconds before two guards, who 
had heard the yelling, came rushing into the room. Skinner 
raised a hand to the guards to back them off. Mulder who never 
once looking at the guards, backed away from Skinner and sat 
in a new chair at the side of the table, put his knees to his 
chest and his face on his knee to hide the tear streaked face 
and obvious turmoil he was showing. Skinner assured the 
guards that everything was okay and they left the two men 
alone again. Skinner looked hard at Mulder noting the fetal 
position, his hidden face and his futile effort to control the 
shaking of his hands.

Mulder felt Skinner staring on him, disregarding him altogether, 
he unrolled himself out of the ball and stood up, then picked up 
the chair he had knock over and sat again at the opposite side 
of the table from Skinner. He was still angry and couldn't 
understand why Skinner couldn't just tell him what was going. 
Yes, It wasn't his place but Scully wasn't here and he couldn't 
wait especially with the way Skinner had reacted, he new that 
something wasn't right. His mind swarmed with images of the 
possibilities of what may have happened. He was kidnapped or 
dead. *No, surely Skinner would have told me that, * he 
thought. *He was sucked into another dimension and 
returned as a teenager who hated everything and 
everyone. He now has three eyes or maybe his eyes are 
red. He's sick and has some childhood disease. He has 
accelerated growth or accelerated intelligence and is 
now teaching college in diapers, no be serious, Fox. I'm 
going to drive myself crazy this way I need to know. * 
"Skinner, I need to know what you know about my son. Please, 
put yourself in my shoe, if this were your son, could you wait 
until tomorrow."

Skinner, knew that his only choice now was to either walk out 
the room and leave Mulder to his own ideas or to tell him the 
truth about his son. Anyway they weren't going to be spending 
anymore time on the case. *The truth is if I had a child I 
wouldn't want to spend an entire night speculating on 
what may or may not have happened to him. But this is 
not my child its Mulder's child and I honestly don't want 
to be the one to tell him his child is gone.* "He's gone, 
Mulder."

Mulder again rose from his seat throwing the chair backwards, 
his heart was racing and tears threatened to fall again. "WHAT 
DO YOU MEAN HE'S GONE! He yells again.

"Lower your voice or the guards will burst in again," Skinner 
warned. "You should probably sit down."

"Skinner, " he asks desperately.

Skinner looked at him for a moment and could see the 
confusion and fear in his eyes. Before he had realized that he 
never elaborated on the "gone" part of his answer. "He's safe, 
Mulder." Watching the relief wash over him that would soon 
disappear again. "There were several attempt on your son's life, 
so in order to keep him safe, Agent Scully decided it to put him 
up for adoption."

Mulder picked his chair up and sits back down again. He 
remained quiet for several seconds, taking that time to process 
what Skinner has just told him. "She gave him up for adoption. 
She just gave him away. To who?"

"It was an anonymous adoption, so the families name was 
never disclosed. It wasn't easy for her, Mulder. But, she felt she 
could no longer protect him from those who wanted to do him 
harm and that this was the only way to keep him safe." He 
watched Mulder get out of his chair again, and start pacing, 
back and forth across the room. He looks like he was in shock, 
the color drained out of his face, tears again rain down his face 
and his hands continued to shake. 

Mulder shook his head in disbelief, "your telling me that I will 
never see my son again, that Scully won't either. You're telling 
that our miracle son is now someone else's miracle son. That 
he has a new mother and father... She wouldn't do that. She 
wouldn't just give my only son away, not after everything it 
took for her to get pregnant in the first place,.. No she 
wouldn't."

He watches Mulder continue to pace the room and process this 
information. He notices Mulder catching the wall in an attempt 
to remain upright a few times since the pacing began. "Mulder, 
why don't you sit down before you fall over." Mulder stares at 
him then did as he asked, and sits back down.  "Never say 
never, Mulder. If you're meant to see your son again you will, 
and yes, she did make that choice to give, not only your only 
son but her only son up." He looks at Mulder again, who is now 
sitting with his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. 
"I'm sorry, Mulder."

Mulder looked up at him behind his hands, "just tell me what 
happened. What dangers did..." his voice broke and he hide 
his face behind his hands again. 

"Did they face." Skinner finishes for him. He sees Mulder nod. 
"Mulder, I think you first need to be aware of how special your 
son is." Looking at him again, he sees Mulder has uncovered his 
face, and is looking at him with concern, fear and something 
else, Guilt. "Mulder your son had the ability to move object with 
his mind.  According to your brother.."

"My what! My. brother," taking a moment for clarification to 
seep through. "Jeffrey Spender," he asks and Skinner nods. "Its 
not proven that Spender is my brother, I only suspected that 
his father could be my father."

"It's proven now," he watch the disgust flash in Mulder's eyes. 
"Anyway he said that your son is important to the aliens and he 
injected him with a substance that is supposed to make him 
normal. But he told Agent Scully that William would continue to 
be in danger because of what he was. There was an incident; a 
couple of month earlier in which and FBI agent infiltrating a 
religious cult, tried to smother William. Scully stopped him 
using lethal force. The members of that group then kidnapped 
William and took him to Canada, when we found him all the 
cultist were dead, burnt to death. But, William was unharmed 
and not a scratch on him." 

"ENOUGH! ENOUGH!" slightly taken back by Mulder sudden 
outburst, Skinner paused to give him time to process what he 
was being told. " My son was kidnapped and nearly killed by a 
religious cultists... Why!"

"They believe your son to be the one that would lead the aliens 
into power over humanity. Which in some ways corresponds to 
what Spender said about him being important to the alien's 
plans and the conditions surrounding his birth."

"I have to admit I wasn't expecting this. One minute I'm a 
father hoping to see my son again and the next your telling me 
he's gone because the aliens think he's their leader and 
because of that his life has been put in jeopardy." Taking a 
moment to catch his breath and allow the realization of the 
situation seep through. "This is all my fault, if I hadn't left.." 
His voice cracks and he hits the table with his fists.

Skinner jump back slightly at Mulder reaction, then finishes his 
statement. "They might not have killed you?" he looks at 
Mulder incredulously, "Like they didn't go after you on the train 
to kill you and there weren't threats to your life or that Knowle 
Rohrer wasn't trying to throw you off the catwalk. They would 
have killed you Mulder, I'm certain of it, and Scully would had 
to bury you and mourn for you twice in a year."

"But she would have still had, William." He states as his voice 
filled with emotions 

"The threat would have still been there, he still would have 
been part of their plans, you being alive or dead wouldn't have 
mattered. The events were bound to end the same way or 
worse."

Mulder stands up and points a finger at Skinner, I WANT TO 
KNOW WHO EXACTLY IS RESPOSIBLE FOR THIS." Skinner sits 
back in his chair and crosses his arms. 

"I know you're angry, and you know as well as I do that casting 
blame on anyone won't do any good, because you will never 
get the truth about it."

Mulder starts to pace the again. "It's not fair, even the 
members of the syndicate got to have families and raise 
children. HE IS MY SON! HE IS MY MIRACLE SON!" He stops 
and screams to the ceiling in hopes god will hear him. I WANT 
HIM BACK, at least with his mother." He lowers his voice and 
looks at Skinner. "Skinner, whatever happens to me during this 
trial, you have to promise me that you'll do whatever you can 
to find him and bring him back to Scully, .for Scully,.. for me." 

"What if he is better off, Mulder." 

"Maybe right now, but how long before they find him? You just 
told me, that Spender said William continues to be in danger 
because of what he was and that's why Scully gave him away. 
In the hope that they will never find him, but what if they do 
find him. We would never know. Please, Skinner, I've lost every 
member of my family and today my son too." 

"I don't even know if it's possible to even locate him, Mulder." 
Watching him as he sits down again and tries to hold back the 
hysterical sobbing that threaten to emerge from inside him.

"The Lone Gunman could probably help you with that, its one of 
their specialties. They could probably even hack into the 
database of whatever agency Scully went through." 

At that his eyes snapped shut and he felt like he was the 
unluckiest son of a bitch on the planet, Having to tell Mulder 
about his son, his friends and then try to defend the man with a 
impossible defense that will more than likely cost him his life. 
"Mulder, the Lone Gunmen are dead. They died after being 
exposed to an unknown biological agent." 

"Oh!" he says standing up and heading toward the door. Still 
facing the door "you don't happen to have any good news, by 
chance,. do you?"

He thinks for a second, "Agent Scully loves you." Mulder turns 
to look at him and gives him a weak smile. "Are you angry with 
her, Mulder, for giving him away."  

"Yes.. No. I don't think I have a right to be angry at her, she 
was there, she had to face the threats against our son,. 
alone," his voice cracks but he continues.  "I think I'm more 
angry with myself then anybody else. I should have been there. 
In a perfect world I would have." He then turns back to the 
door and pounds on it so the guards will come and can take 
him back to his cell. "Go home, sir. Get some rest. We have a 
big day ahead of us, it's the beginning of the end." 

A guard enters the room and escorts Mulder out the door 
before Skinner can comment. Skinner gathers his files and puts 
them back in the bag, then looks toward the door Mulder was 
just escorted out of. "I promise, Mulder!"

Mulder is led down the same corridors as before, his head is 
positioned toward the ground both for dramatic affect but also 
to hide his turmoil from the guards, who would surely use it 
against him. They open the door to the cell and shoved him in 
it, closing the door behind him. He stands there for a moment 
letting is eyes adjust to the darkness, he wants to fall to his 
knees and die or pray that it was all a nightmare and he'll wake 
up soon. If he thought his life was bad before and couldn't get 
any worst he was terrible mistaken. His friends are dead his 
son is gone and tomorrow he will have to face Scully and hope 
that she will forgive him for not being there with her through it 
all. *I love Scully, I could never hate her. Our miracle 
child is gone and she had to face it all by her self. How 
did this happen why would god give us a miracle only to 
force us to give it to someone else. A father's job is to 
protect their child from harm and I failed in every 
respect.* "I didn't want this," he confessed out loud, "I didn't 
expect the white picket fence, just Scully, William and myself, 
together as a family. Was that really to much to ask for?" 

He thought about the night William was born, about standing 
outside the nursery window in the Georgia Hospital maternity 
ward, and watching him sleep. About the first time he held his 
son in his arms and rocked him. He recalled the way his baby 
felt and smelled, the sound of his cry and the overwhelm 
feeling of love he held for a child he had just met. He 
remember the last time he held his son before he went away, 
and how many times, while he was gone, he prayed that 
tomorrow would be the day he would go home and hold him 
again. Now he knows that that day may never come again.

 The pain had gotten to unbearable to hold in any longer, so he 
let go and the tears flew unrestrained down his face and soon 
he was sobbing almost hysterically into his hands until his 
stomach began to turn. He hurried to the toilet to empty his 
stomach contents mixed with his own tears and watched it all 
flow down the drain. His stomach hurt and is body racked with 
sobs he could no longer keep contained. After what seemed like 
forever he slid away from the toilet and lay up against the wall. 
Curling his self back into a fetal position, not for a dramatic 
show, as there was no one in the cell with him, but to keep his 
body from trembling from is despair and guilt.

He let his emotions take over him, and continued to cry. He 
cried for his mother who lost her daughter. He cried for his 
father, who had damn both his children to their fates. He cried 
for Samantha and her years of torment. He cried for Scully, 
their son and her mother and prayed for their forgiveness. He 
cried for the innocent. He cried for the wasted time, for the 
futile effort, for the personal costs. He cried for the dreams of 
the future that they would never have. He continued to cry until 
there were no tears left in him and exhaustion took over him.

THE END!
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Last thoughts: I didn't realize how hard writing this fan fiction 
would be and frankly I'm a little surprised that I finished it. I 
want to go on record to say that I hate what was done to 
William's character and I don't feel putting William up for 
adoption is something that the characters of Mulder and Scully 
would ever do. IMO. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my story and I 
would be glad to hear what you think.