From elewyiss@earthlink.net Fri Mar 28 21:32:06 1997 Subject: Silent Scream 1/1 From: elewyiss@earthlink.net (Rachel Carper) -------- Silent Scream Rachel Carper Elewyiss@earthlink.net NC 17 adult themes see Author's notes, A/R Skinner/other Summary: Skinner finds Prudence in panic attack. Reveals how the two met. As always Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Cancer Man, et. al. belong to Chris Carter, 10-13, and Fox. And the wonderful actors who give them life. They were lovingly borrowed without permission and hopefully returned unharmed, if not a little wiser. AUTHORS NOTE: This is a dark fic. It is not happy. If you are upset by child sexual abuse or its aftermath do not read this. This story involves rape and incest. It is upsetting. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE UNPREPARED FOR RAPE AND INCEST. If you would like a summery of the story and what happens to the characters first seen in "The Spirit is the Truth" write to me. Rachel elewyiss@earthlink.net Silent Scream Skinner thanked the manager for the use of the pass key and entered the hotel room. He found her sitting in the middle of the bed, her knees pulled up to her chest. The TV was on. ESPN. Bass fishing. Well it was four a. m. She sat on the bed and rocked back and fourth. "Clare?" he questioned. She didn't answer, just rocked back and forth staring into space. He approached the bed and sat on the edge. He called her name again and slowly reached out a hand to touch her. She jerked away from him and continued to rock. Skinner eased further onto the bed. He touched her arm again. "Prudence?" he said. She turned unseeing eyes toward him. Skinner immediately pulled her into his arms and held her. She continued to rock back and forth. After several minutes she turned to face him. "Sorry. Bad day," then she turned back to the TV and continued to rock. Skinner sat feeling helpless. He had seen her have these panic attacks before. He knew the only thing he could do was hold her. She had to fight these inner demons alone. She sat and rocked. She wondered if he knew how helpful his holding her was. Inside she felt frantic. Her stomach was tied in knots. She felt as if something was crawling in her veins. She thought perhaps it was adrenaline. She felt as if she had to go do something, go somewhere. But she was too frightened to move. If she moved the world would fall on her. A while ago, she couldn't even remember how long ago now, she had been faced with her greatest fear. Now these panic attacks brought with them the fear that she would be locked in some windowless room with no outside contact. At the same time she was afraid to open the door or look out a window. She cold feel the fear crawling in her veins. Especially in her elbows. She started straightening and bending her arms. She wanted to shake all over and scream. She opened her mouth but nothing would come out. That wouldn't help anyway. She felt the need to cry. But if she cried something *bad* would happen. She couldn't remember what, but it was a *bad* thing. She took a deep breath. That helped. But only for a moment. She took another deep breath. She began to focus on the TV. Bass fishing. Must be very late. Soon the rushing in her ears calmed enough for her to hear the TV. Then she began to feel Skinners arms around her. He was rocking her. She turned toward him. "When . . . How did you know?" she asked taking another deep breath. "You missed our date. Then you didn't call. I got worried. I called, but you didn't answer. So I came over." He down-played the fear and anxiety he had felt all evening. He had knocked on her door for twenty minutes before he went for the manager. He finally had to flash his badge before the man would open the door. And then he had found her in this comatose panic attack. "I'm ok now," she said. "You don't have to stay." For some reason as much as she wanted someone with her during these attacks having the person there made it worse. In her mind it got mixed up with being weak. And being weak was part of that *bad* thing. "Will you turn off ESPN?" he asked. He knew it was some sort of security blanket for her. If she would turn it off he'd know the attack was over. "In a minute," she said. Skinner sighed. He knew she had a great fear of appearing weak. That she had dismissed him. He stood and looked at her. She continued to rock and watch the TV. He walked over to the door and opened it. After closing the door he turned and leaned against the wall and watched her. He had a feeling this attack was going to last all night. And he was going to be there for it. As he stood leaning against the wall he remembered the first time they met. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Flashback Walter and his partner Ted looked at the A.D. "You want us to protect an 18-year-old Faith Healer?" Walter asked incredulously. "Yes. You will pick her up at the airport. The State Marshal's will release her into your custody. You will take her to the hotel until it is time for her to testify." The A.D. finished speaking and then just stared at them. Ted looked at Walter and shrugged. The two men turned and left the office. "I don't believe this," complained Walter. "This is a bullshit assignment. I didn't join the Bureau to babysit some phony Faith Healer. What the hell is she going to testify about?" Ted listened to Walter continue to rant as they left the building and entered the heat of a Houston summer. He shook his head at his partner. "Walter, you'll never get anyplace if you don't learn to control your temper. Mouthing off, especially to a superior is not good for career advancement." "You sound just like Sharon." "You should listen to her. She's smart," Ted instructed him. He knew things were tense between the two. He hoped they could work it out, he liked Sharon. Then again, his hot-headed partner had an overactive sense of duty and commitment. Ted wouldn't want Walter to stay in a bad relationship due to duty. They arrived at the airport and found the correct gate. Following procedure the two Marshall's and their charge were the last off the plane. Both Ted and Walter stared at the woman, no, *child* they had been assigned to protect. She was totally nondescript. Medium height, medium weight, mousy brown hair. She looked about 14. Yet the case file they received said she was eighteen. Walter let his partner handle the paperwork. He approached Clair. She stood stiffly to one side. Walter noticed she had placed herself far enough away from the Marshal's as to avoid any casual contact. He reached out for her arm. She jumped back at the slight contact and raised frightened eyes to his face. Over his twelve-year career at the bureau he had dealt with many frightened witnesses. But something told Walter this fear went much deeper. Ted completed the paperwork and turned toward Walter and Clair Duliss. "All right, let's go." The two men walked on either side of the girl as they left the airport. The girl kept looking over her shoulder. "Forget something?" Walter asked. "No. But Father has many followers," she responded. Walter rolled his eyes at Ted as he held the car door open. "Yup. Just why I joined," Walter said slamming the door and narrowly missing Clair's foot. They reached the hotel and went into their assigned room. It was the middle of the night. Walter sat dozing in a chair. Suddenly an ear-piercing scream rang out. Walter jumped up from the chair gun drawn, Ted rolled off the bed and came up with his gun drawn. The two agents looked quickly around the room. There was nothing. They looked at each other. "Now I know I heard that. We both heard it." Ted stated. They looked at Clair. She was sound asleep. The same situation had occurred on each successive night. Finally, on the third night, the night her father's trail began, Walter could not take it any longer. He shook her awake. "What? Is something wrong?" she questioned. "You were screaming in your sleep." "Oh, no. Nuts," she looked around the room. "Does this TV get ESPN?" she questioned reaching for the remote. "Yes. Why?" Walter cast a puzzled look over at his partner. Ted shrugged and gave him the "you started it" look. "Because, when I start having night terrors that means a panic attack is on the way. ESPN helps me relax. They usually have something mind-numbing on. Oh, good. Golf." Walter watched her for several minutes and then shrugged and sat in the chair. Ted had lain back down and gone to sleep. Over the next several hours Walter watched her curl into a ball. He had never seen anyone curl into a fetal position sitting up. She began to rock herself. Walter tried to talk to her, but her eyes had glazed over. He suddenly realized what she reminded him of. Shell-shocked soldiers. He had seen plenty while in 'Nam. He watched her all night long while she rocked. Walter wondered what could have caused this type of behavior. He found out two days later. Ted and Walter sat in the courtroom. Clair was about to take the stand. Ted looked around the room. He leaned toward Walter. "This guy sure has a lot of followers." The man in question, Reverend Clamore Duliss, was a famous evangelist. He had spoken out against the televangelists and swore to stick to his roots. Slowly he had allowed his sermons to be broadcast on the radio, and then TV. He had slowly moved on to politics. Reverend Duliss was friends with many influential Congressmen. It was even said he had influence in the White House. Now he was on trial for bribery of a federal judge and tampering with election results. The District Attorney had just called Clair to the stand. She testified to having seen her father meet with the men in question. Then she answered some questions about conversations she had heard. When the D.A. was done the defense attorney stood. He immediately began to attack her character. "Isn't it true you hate your father? Isn't it true you've attempted to discredit him in the past? Haven't you accused him of a most heinous crime simply because he became interested in other work? Works which did not include your so-called healing powers?" Ted and Walter watched as a wall seemed to drop over Clair's face. She suddenly looked much older than her eighteen years. And when she spoke both agents jerked and half rose in their seats. "He's been raping me since I was nine. When I was sixteen I got pregnant. That was when I went to the police," she said in a dead voice. Silence settled over the court. Suddenly her father stood. "Blasphemer! Whore! Liar!" Pandemonium broke out in the court. The judge banged his gavel and called for order. The D.A. requested a recess, was granted one overnight. Clair simply sat in the witness box staring straight ahead. Walter and Ted went to the box. They stood next to her, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. Finally she looked at them. Ted reached out his hand. "I'm sorry," he said. Her eyes widened and she smiled. "You know, you're the first person to believe me." She stood and walked out of the courtroom, the Agents on either side of her. The crowd, mostly her father's supporters, yelled and jeered at her. When they had reached the courthouse steps a woman stepped forward. "Blasphemer!" she screamed raising a gun and shooting. The shot caught Ted in the chest. Walter looked on, shocked as he fell to the ground, blood pooling on the steps under him. Suddenly Clair moved. She knelt next to Ted and put her hands inside his shirt. Walter looked around, saw that the police had subdued the woman and moved to kneel next to Clair. "Come on Ted. Don't die. I need you. If you go who'll kick my ass into that Director's chair?" Walter watched as a blue glow emanated from Clair's hands and enveloped Ted's chest. He looked up at her face. It had somehow transformed from a rather plain face into one of the most beautiful faces Walter had ever seen. His gaze dropped to her chest. He thought he saw it expand and indent. Almost as if she were taking the bullet. The glow around her hands dissipated and she suddenly turned away and began to vomit violently. As Walter watched Ted opened his eyes and blinked. "Ted!" Paramedics rushed up to the fallen Agent. Walter looked form Ted to Clair and back. Sensing his dilemma Ted looked at him and said "Stay." Then the paramedics wheeled him away. Walter walked over to the witness and reached down to touch her shoulder. She looked up at him groggily. She held out her hand. Walter reached for her assuming she wanted help standing. When he held out his own hand she dropped a bloody bullet into his palm. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX That scream was Skinner's introduction to her panic attacks. He watched as Prudence slid to the side and pulled a pillow under her head. She lay on her side watching ESPN. Skinner walked in front of the bed to get to the chair. He saw her eyes track his movement so he knew she was aware of his presence. He thought back to the trial. After Ted was shot the trial seemed to speed by. Another Agent was assigned to Walter. Walter began to stay up all night talking to her. To help her through those attacks. He mentioned the blue glow he had seen. She claimed never to see it. They talked about his marriage and the problems they were having. Finally the jury went out for deliberation. They brought in a verdict of not guilty. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX "OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD," she kept mumbling it the whole way back to the hotel. Walter looked at her from his seat in front. The new Agent, Clerk, was explaining the separating process. They would leave her at the hotel where she would be on her own. Walter thought it was obvious she wasn't listening to him. Once at the hotel room Clerk grabbed his bag and headed for the car. Walter turned toward her. "I'm going to see Ted in the hospital. Then I'll be back." At the hospital Walter filled Ted in on everything that had happened. Ted watched him closely. "You know partner," Walter looked at Ted suspiciously. He only called Walter partner when he was going to say something Walter didn't want to hear. "I think you're thinking with your dick. Not only have you forgotten that you're married, but that is a girl. She's only 18. You are 32. And she's fucked up. All that abuse does something to a woman. I read somewhere that survivors of incest turn out to be either lesbians or sex addicts. That will do your career no good. It will pull you down. You have an investment in a five-year marriage. Think about Sharon. Come on, use the head on your shoulders. You don't need this." Walter just looked at him. He felt rage fill him. "What the hell do you know? That woman saved your life and you know it. She doesn't behave like an eighteen-year-old. As for my marriage, you know that's headed for the can. And what about you? Were you faithful? I was there, remember? I can't believe this shit you're spouting." Walter stood and left the room. How dare Ted try this shit. It was his life. And it was not as if his marriage wasn't almost over anyway. As he walked down the hall he saw Sharon coming towards him. "Walter. How is Ted? How are you?" She sounded concerned. She looked concerned. And tired. Walter waited for the usual lifting of spirit he felt when he saw her. For some reason it didn't come. They stood and discussed Ted for a while. Finally she said "Walter I think you need to come home tonight. We need to talk about what we're going to do. I can feel you drifting away. I don't want to lose you or this marriage." "No, not tonight. I can't tonight. I'll be home tomorrow." Walter turned and walked down the hall. He thought of his marriage and relationship with Sharon the whole way to the hotel. When he got there he found Clair waiting for him. She was sitting in a chair smiling at him. He had half expected her to be curled in a fetal ball again. She rose and came to him. Reaching around him she pushed the door closed. Then she raised her arms and pulled his head down. The kiss quickly turned hot and wet. Their tongues rubbed against each other. Walter pushed his tongue into her mouth. She began to suck on it. Then she ran her tongue along the roof of his mouth. Walter felt himself grow harder by the minute. Suddenly he pulled away. "I'm sorry. I can't." She looked at him shocked. "I understand." she turned away. "Knowing what you know why would you." He reached over and grabbed her. "No, it's not that. I'm married. It may be in trouble right now but it is a commitment I made and I'm going to keep it. As much as I want this, I can't." She pulled out of his arms and went to the bed. She sat. "How's Ted?" she finally asked. Walter shrugged. She watched him pace for a moment. "What happened?" she asked. "We had a fight. Said things we shouldn't have. I don't know." She patted the bed beside her. "I promise no funny business. But I think you know I can't be alone tonight." Walter sat on the bed next to her and held her. She slept in his arms the whole night. The next morning, before she woke, and he changed his mind, Walter left the hotel room and went home. To his wife. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX "I killed her you know." Skinner turned in his chair and looked at Prudence. She was still staring at the TV. ESPN had moved on to PGA highlights. "Who?" Skinner questioned. He couldn't imagine her hurting anyone. "My daughter. The bastard sent me off somewhere to have the baby. He couldn't make me get rid of it, it was too late. Although the cops didn't believe me they were watching him. She was about a month old. I just couldn't bond with her. Every time I was with her I was reminded how she was conceived. Who she was. One day she started crying. I just ignored her. After about twenty minutes she stopped. I went in an hour later. She was dead. They said it was crib death, but I knew." Skinner sat stunned. Although he knew she had been pregnant he never considered that it would result in a child. After a few moments his brain kicked in. "It wasn't your fault. It was crib death. It would have happened even if you had gone to her." "Oh come on Walter. This is *me* we're talking about. Of course I could have saved her. That was when I stopped using "THE GIFT" as they called it. Worst beating I got was when I told the bastard I wouldn't do it again." Skinner sat in his chair stunned. He had never really considered how the abuse had affected her. Looking at her curled in a ball and racked with guilt he wanted to kill her father. Skinner suddenly realized that she would carry this her whole life. Most of the time she seemed happy. He remembered their sexual escapades. She seemed to enjoy them. But then there where these horrible panic attacks. He had to admire her for putting her life back together. Going to college and getting her degree. He knew she was well thought of as a corporate accountant. No one would know. No one but him. He stood and moved to the bed. He pulled her into his arms and held her. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. He began to rock her. "Cry." he demanded. For some reason he knew if she would cry the healing could begin. Suddenly great gasping sobs rolled out of her. Within minutes Skinner's shirt was soaked. He just held her and rocked. **************************************************************************** "You're the most dangerous person I know - and you're WACKY!" -Speed Racer's big insult ****************************************************************************