From: "Doug Ackerman" Date: Sat, 3 Apr 1999 00:13:00 -0500 Subject: silently arguing speech DISCLAIMER: Mulder, Scully, and any other X-Files characters in this story belong to Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting, and Ten-Thirteen. No infringement intended. Please don't sue me, 'cause I'm not worth it. No animals were harmed at any time during its production. Any other characters in this story are mine, and can be purchased for the right price. RATED: PG-13 (adult content and one curse) TYPE: Major MSR and a hint of Mulder and Scully angst DATE FINISHED: February 28, 1999 ARCHIVE: Anywhere, especially at the Gossamer! SPOILERS: Hmm?none I can think of. BY: Colby Reuben AUTHOR'S DEDICATION: Dawson E. Rambo for inspiration. Better Than Ezra for writing my fave song so I could have a nice line in this story, and all food markets in the world! E-MAIL: MrsSpooky4@hotmail.com FLAMES: Sure; it'll warm my hands right up! WEBSITES: http://www.gurlpages.com/nolabel/mouse80: Colby's Home-Grown 'Shipper Site http://pages.whowhere.lycos.com/entertainment/rccr/: Colby and Dani's Ultimate X-Files TITLE: "Silently Arguing Speech" POV: Mulder's SUMMARY: Will Mulder and Scully ever say "I love you" even though Scully's gift of speech has been impaired? NOTE(S): None! :0 "Silently Arguing Speech" By Colby Reuben The moment had driven my soul into a dark pit. It'd been a year already since I'd declared my love to Scully, only to find the feeling would not be returned. I guess, after what I'd done to her, that I deserved her leaving me. I had begged her to at some points. Now I wish that I had treasured more of the past; wish I had a better memory. The pain had settled, and, as if she had died, the grief remained. It'd always be this way, unless the chance that I had hoped for when I'd see her by chance-on a sidewalk, in a restaurant, from the taxi passing by-would arrive and I could take her for all I was. But my dreams, once again, remained unmarked and in the open, waiting for their replies, taking whatever they could get, not necessarily for the better. I'd waited and waited for the day when they'd receive their overdue correspondence, and today was finally that day. It certainly hadn't gone the way I thought it might, but I did meet Scully; out of sheer luck is my guess. The familiar face of a beauty to sweet even when compared to sunflower seeds was behind me, funnily enough at a food market. She did not even notice the gleaming smile of joy I had let free. I had never felt more alive than when I had seen her face for, if I'm correct, a little over a year. Choose another one hundred women like her, and I'd be able to pick her for the unique features all the women shared, but only my soul could detect. Even if she had tried to forget me, I knew she never could, not after what we had shared, endured, uncovered, solved, or healed. The lit-by-sky eyes she kept with hair woven of fire and gold unpacked her groceries silently, as it was the only way she could. I smiled innocently, pausing my unloading of the few edibles, staring at her as if two zeroes added to the time I hadn't seen her. "'Evening, Scully," I said to her simply. She had been leaning down, reaching for some soda bottles. At the sound of my voice, the face I had imagined would only become more beautiful over time reappeared, along with a ghastly wide-eyed expression. Still so beautiful; still in my heart. She combined her lips slowly, and, for a moment, almost panicked. I'd tried to forget her as hard as she had tried to forget me, but the past would always catch up to us. It'd always be lurking in our minds. The forbidden place for emotion normal lovers call their hearts had been opened for the first time since one year ago, and today, after a period of no business, the pearly gates of my chest had been reopened. "You scared me," she said to me the way she had to. In each word, though I could not hear her voice, held more backing now; they carried more weight, more meaning. It was a symbol of the torture I'd sent her to and the love I hoped would bring us back together. "Fourteen fifty-nine, Sir," the young swarthy skinned woman informed me. I handed her a twenty, and returned formerly murky eyes to my secret one-and-only. "How have you been?" I asked. The casual tone of my voice startled myself. My eyes were closed and my heart was aflutter. All my senses had been shut down so the force of love could be handled by my heart. But when Scully was near, my mind and body flew wild. She had been to busy unloading the few things in her cart to answer right away. She kept her hands busy purposely, and I could understand this, but I could not tolerate the irritating silence. She sighed silently, hiding her anxiousness. We should have never parted; I should never have scared her away with the three strong yet weak-sounding words. "Thank you, Sir," the cashier said, handing me my change. I leaned over to help Scully take out the last of her packages. She watched my hand take the last of her rations and set them on the conveyor belt. She reached into her purse and waited, very patiently, for her check. The humongous breeze of reminisce was alive and the anticipation of what was to come was coming even faster. I waited with Scully, hiding my focus of her to the swinging of my bag around my feet. I stared at the movement reluctantly, and then looked toward Scully in awe as she began to walk away. Of course I followed. The doubt of leaving her again was low. I stayed close beside her, collecting memories, directing logic away, and showing the magical growth of remembrance with the only one that could ever understand. "Scully," I said to her, "you know nothing could ever change the way I feel about you; not even a long year." Tranquillity confined the area around us. "Scully, I know that you think things could ever change the way I feel, but I'd never change anything about you. If this is the way you are, I'll do more than accept it; I'll forget about it at the same time. Being apart could never fix what you've done to me by leaving, and apologies could never fix you, but I've come to realize that the only way to live without you is to not live at all. Whatever happens to you, whatever has happened to you, is nothing but a memory that can be erased. You are my best friend, and I want to take that one step further, even if erasing the memory of our friendship seems to be the right answer for you." We were outside now, walking towards her car. I stood closer and closer, my heart beating harder as I spoke every word. "Mulder, nothing could ever make up for what I am. You'll loose interest in me and what we had and you'll leave. I can't take going on just to come back to pain a hundred times harder than before!" I couldn't understand every word she made, but I had translated enough. "There isn't a better feeling in the world than knowing that I really do have you, that I will always have you, and that we'll have memories of who we are and not of what we can and can't do. The silence does drive me crazy, Scully, but knowing I can't have silence with you is a million times harder to face. I can't be everything in world, but you can, except for one little ordeal we can overcome," and then I added, "together." "You don't understand, Mulder. It's like that to you. Things will work out for the better for you. But I've caused the problem. I am the dysfunction. Can you really live like that Mulder? Can you feel the way I do? Can you understand how it is to be impaired?" And I knew I could not. No matter how hard I could try, I would always live up to my expectations, but Scully was right. We were two different people with two different problems. I have urges to find answers and she can't ask questions. In a loss for words, I sincerely responded, "Opposites attract." She smiled through silver-lined rain clouds. "I don't know how I stood you for four years." I stepped forward and, one arm on my food and the other on her waist, placed my head on her shoulder. "Things will work out, Scully. I'd never hurt you-not even for the truth, not ever. You're more important to me than anything I've ever held, ever touched, and liked. I want you to know that a voice doesn't make me love you any less. Yes, Scully, you are damn beautiful, but you're more than that. "You're my other half. And I can't live without my other half." Scully enveloped me in arms I could never resist. "Don't blame yourself, Mulder," she signed, holding her hand near my face. "Don't ever do anything to yourself over me." "I do, Scully. I make myself realize that I'm in love with the prettiest, most talented woman in the world. I'd never say that to anyone else, because no one could ever mean more." "I love you, Mulder. If I could say one thing to you, it'd be that," she said. "You'll always be saying something to me, Scully. And that makes me all the more crazy about you, the woman who can make me feel good without words." I stepped back, stared into her eyes to take in the beauty I now was a part of, to see the other half of my heart I thought I'd never have. Together, at last, in a passionate, romantic, fulfilling light only Scully and I could ever have. THE END! Well? I demand more feedback! Do yas want more?