From: Agt Duckie Date sent: Fri, 16 Jan 1998 23:45:49 EST Subject: Skagway and Other Places You Didn't Know Existed: Dyea DISCLAIMER: We don't own Mulder and Scully, if we did, they wouldn't have a TV show, they'd be President. We love the X-Files (don't get us wrong) but at midnight? We're all feeling sort of silly. Now Becca? She writes other stuff, *good* stuff, nothing like this demonic-possessed creation. I'm not saying her other writing *isn't* demonic and possessed, but it *is* MSR. Then there's me, I can't write for, well, if it helps any, I wrote a poem in third grade about squirrels. Flames will be used to incinerate you when we find out where you live. THANKS: Danny Nucci- our life and our love. (then there's Mulder, BUT WHAT AM I SAYING!! THIS IS *DANNY NUCCI,* I MEAN HIS NAME IS WRITTEN IN DUST ON MY MINIBLINDS!!) Title: Skagway and Other Places You Didn't Know Existed: Dyea Author: Agent Becca & Frankenstein Hoodoo Bibbit Rating: PG Catagories: VH Spoilers: None Keywords: Parallel universe, Parody Summary: Scully's diary entries elaborating on a voyage to Skagway. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> This journal is the property of Special Agent Dana Scully <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> August 23, 1997. Arrived at Seattle. August 24, 1997. Seattle. Clarence Berry advised: "Plan on hauling in an outfit that will last at least a year." August 24, 1997. Seattle. Teamed up with a miner named Mulder. He says he's "the best gol-dern gold miner in the world!" He added $500 to our partnership. August 24, 1997. Climbed aboard the Alliance. I took the liberty of buying some gol-dern gold diggin' GOPHERS! But all the gophers know how to say is: - We have a whipsaw. and on occasion: - We are carrying eggs from Seattle to sell up the trail. August 25, 1997. Aboard the Alliance. We have: 2400 pounds of food $282 in cash What a whole big bunch of stupid idiots!!! What? Did they just not notice our luggage was breathing?? I guess these almost-Caniyuks are pretty much made of dietary fiber. August 28, 1997. Aboard the Alliance. Our ship clunked into some rocks. Luckily, *we* suffered no damage. I can't say the same about Mulder, who was apparently trying to fool everyone into thinking he was the little mermaid on the front of the ship. - What? No peanut butter? was all he kept saying. Severe cerebral damages? I think not. September 5, 1997. Aboard the Alliance. There was a terrible storm at sea. Some of the ship's cargo was damaged. MULDER ATE ALL THE EGGS! September 17, 1997. Aboard the Alliance. Our ship hit an iceberg. Luckily, there was no damage. "We just tickled that there iceberg. Mulder and I had our wedding anniversary, who knew the gophers could renew vows! September 21, 1997. Arrived at Dyea. September 22, 1997. Dyea. We have: 2400 pounds of food $282 in cash Whenever Mulder pokes this man's horse, he throws his hat! How polite! Mulder got in a brawl with three men named Bill, Turner and Buck over who had bigger *gophers*. Mulder won, of course the fact that he has guns helps a lot. Shhhhhhhh! Don't say anything about our good friends Smith and Wesson! September 22, 1997. Dyea. The arcade owner said the best claim is "in the hills above the west bank of Eldorado Creek." She also said the world will end as soon as a band called New Kids on the Block comes into existence. Guess I blew my $5.00. Oh well. I'm gonna play the game where they give you a gun and line up a bunch of political advisories!! YEEHA!! But hey, win or lose, you know what I always say: - There sure are a lot of beans here! September 22, 1997. Dyea. A packer advised: "Hire a packer." Unfortunately, they all seem to be taken. September 23, 1997. Dyea. We have: 5600 pounds of food $0 in cash $7 in gold September 23, 1997. Dyea. We have: 5600 pounds of food $0 in cash $2 in gold HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!! MULDER LOST AND I WON!!! On a more serious note, we have two lousy dollars BBUUTT we *DO* have 5600 lbs. of food. - We have *some* gold! - Our tools & mining supplies are in good shape. - We have an extra sled. - We have plenty of warm clothes -- wool socks, extra pairs of mittens & boots, heavy underwear -- and a good tent. - This journal will be very valuable some day! - Oatmeal! I love oatmeal! - There sure are a lot of beans here! - I hope my partner knows how to bake bread. - Oatmeal! I love oatmeal! - What? No peanut butter? - We have dried fruit, dried potatoes, dried onions -- even the milk is dried! - Oatmeal! I love oatmeal! September 23, 1997. Arrived at Skagway.. The End; For Now.. Agent Becca & Frankenstein Hoodoo Bibbit AgtQuacker@aol.com Agt Duckie@aol.com "This reminds me of how much help I can give you if you think you were a stained glass zebra in a past life." ~Beccers