Date: Wed, 1 Mar 2000 21:49:51 -0600 From: James Subject: A Slight Taste of Obsession (1/1) TITLE- A Slight Taste of Obsession AUTHOR- James RATING- R- Language and adult themes SPOILERS- None SUMMARY- Mulder has a slight obsession ARCHIVE- At Spooky's? You bet. Anywhere else, let me know and keep my e-mail address attached. FEEDBACK- Craved. All kinds. powrman@netins.net DISCLAIMER- Do I really have to do this? Not mine. Not now, not ever. Satisfied? AUTHOR'S NOTES- At the end. A Slight Taste of Obsession "Why do I have a conscience? All it does is fuck with me. Why do I have this torment? All I wanna do is fuck it away." -from the song "Trash" by Korn 1. From across the bar he spotted her. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a quick flash of reddish hair. Turning his head he brought her into full view. He could see right away she was the one he was looking for. Grabbing his drink he stood up and made his way through the crowd of people that were dancing, talking, whatever and approached her. Coming up on her he could tell she was alone. She was surveying the same crowd he had just come through. She was looking for someone to catch her attention. Someone that might prove interesting. Fox Mulder decided he was that person. "Excuse me, can I help you?" he asked. "Help me what?" she asked turning to face him. "You looked like you were looking for something. Or someone. I thought maybe I could help." "Maybe you can. What's your name?" "Mulder." "Mulder what?" "My last name is Mulder." "You want me to call you Mulder?" "Yes." "Do you have a first name? Just for future reference?" she asked taking a step closer. "Fox." "Hmm. Fox Mulder. I like that." "Great. Can I buy you a drink?" "Sure thing Fox Mulder." 2. They had stayed at the bar for a couple of hours. They talked, they danced, they had more than a few drinks. After a doubleshot of Mexico's finest liquid courage, Mulder bet it all and invited this petite, well-muscled redhead home with him. She smiled with a charm that made him melt and said she would love to go home with him. For a nightcap, of course. They had flagged down a cab and ridden back to Mulder's place. During the trip, her hands had roamed on him, exploring him, learning him, driving him insane with a fierce passion. When they finally made it to his building they had almost succumbed to desire in the elevator. Opening the door, they had burst in and headed straight for the bedroom, nightcap be damned. Clothes flying off at a record breaking pace, they fell on the bed naked and sweaty. They wasted no time and were immediately locked into intercourse and it was fast and it was good. 3. "I tell my lies and I despise Every second I'm with you." * * * "You're feelings, I can't help but to rape them. I'm sorry, I don't feel the same. My heart inside is constantly hating." -from the song "Trash" by Korn "Jesus, Mulder you pathetic fucking loser," he thought to himself, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Having sex? Especially with this woman? Why do you do this to yourself? You look at this woman and you think happiness, but all she ever is ,is sorrow. A deep, burning hollow of self pity topped with a pinch of self-hatred is all she represents to you." Not able to even face her body, he rolled over to his other side, still naked with the last of his sweat drying on his body. He brought his hands up to his face, trying to squelch the tears he knew would come. It was like this every time now. After he had satisfied his lust, lost his pain for awhile, it would come back with a crushing force. Pressing his palms into eyes, he felt a warm wetness on them as the tears started to make their way down and out of his eyes. Sitting up in bed, he rested his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. He tried to stifle a few small whimpers, not wanting to wake this innocent woman beside him. "Fox.....?........Mulder?.....What's wrong?" "Nothing," he said trying to sound normal. "Are you crying?" "No.....I.....I think you should go now.......Please?" "Go?" she asked the anger in her voice readily apparent, "Go? You wine me, dine me, bring me home and fuck me and now you want me to leave? You're a fucking prick!" Grabbing at her clothes she hurriedly put them and made her way down the hall to the door. "I can't believe your nerve! You're such a dick!" "Scully, I'm sorry." "Scully? Scully?! Who the fuck is Scully?" 4. It had been two years since Scully had exited from his life. For months afterwards he had been lost. Without Scully he had to learn how to live all over again. She had been so deeply ingrained into his life, into his being, his very soul, that without her he had fumbled his way through his job, his life, his everything for the better part of a year. Skinner had covered for him, of course and since his own life didn't matter to him anymore he just sort of floated until he came across a little redheaded girl at the drycleaners some 10 months later. She was built like Scully, had hair like Scully and for Mulder that was good enough.He had asked her out on the spot. She had accepted and they had gone out for a couple of months. Her name was Trina. Everything was fine until the first night they had sex. Mulder had wanted it, wanted it bad and he thought he was in heaven until it was over. Afterwards, he felt an incredible sorrow and longing and he had started to cry. Trina had asked him what was wrong, why was he crying, but all he did was get dressed and drive home. He couldn't tell her what was wrong. At the time he honestly didn't know. 5. Mulder got up from the bed and padded across the room to the bathroom. He stepped into the shower, wanting to wash away his guilt and shame. Turning on the cold spicet, he let the water splash on his body. He shivered at the cold, but stayed in place. When he was sufficiently numb from the water, he grabbed the soap and methodically scrubbed himself down top to bottom and back up again. When he was finally finished he let the freezing water rinse him off, hoping against hope that this time it would take the pain with it. Accepting it as hopeless after a few minutes, Mulder turned off the water and headed back to the bedroom, not bothering to dry himself off. He thought that by remaining wet he could stay numb just a little while longer. He crawled back into bed and lay there swallowed by self-pity and an aching loss. He still missed Scully. He supposed he always would. He hated himself tonight and most other nights as well for never telling Scully how he felt before she was gone. Now he tried to find solace in other women that resembled Scully. He romanced them and fucked them and it took the pain away for a while, living out the fantasy he always had for him and Scully. For a few hours he knew what peace was, but it always ended because he had a conscience. He hated himself for using these women. But he knew he would do it again. His love (hate?) for Scully always won out in the end. He had no choice but to go on and look for another Scully-substitute. And another. And another. And another. AUTHOR'S NOTES- What happened to Scully? Did she die? Did she leave the FBI? Did she reject him and transfer? I don't know. I was thinking about some recent ideas I had had for a new story while driving home this afternoon and I was listening to the new Korn album, "Issues" ( It's a great album. Pick it up if you get a chance. A great comeback after the shitty and disappointing "Follow the Leader.) The song "Trash" was on. It's about the lead singer's battle with having sex with all the readily available groupies even though he doesn't love them because it helps kill the pain of his personal life. I thought maybe I could apply it to Mulder. I know it's not a "happy" story and I don't know what kind of story will spring from my mind next so please don't end all your feedback letters with "have a happy ending next time!" I write what comes out. Some stories are planned out ahead of time, like "If Not Forever", but lately it is just all "I have an idea, let's go for it full tilt." Just a small reminder, this was written in one sitting of about 25 minutes and as always, I don't use beta readers. ( Strangely enough, I do beta read for The X-Pig. If you haven't seen her stuff, do yourself a favor and go find it. You won't regret it.) Anyway, time for a shameless plea here.....ahem.....PLEASE! PLEASE! SEND ME FEEDBACK! GOOD OR BAD, JUST LET ME KNOW YOU HAVE READ THIS THING!!OK??? powrman@netins.net James