From: EPurSeMouve Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 01:09:29 -0800 Subject: NEW: Snack (1/1) by EPur - "6th Extinction" spoilers TITLE: Snack AUTHOR: EPurSeMouve [epursemouve@goplay.com] CATEGORY: V H (hopefully) RATING: PG SPOILERS: "Sixth Extinction I & II", if you can tell SUMMARY: A post-premiere snack. Meant as parody, of sorts. Follow-up to the Mealtime Trilogy - again, of sorts. DISCLAIMER: This story contains characters spawned by The X- Files, a show copyrighted by CC and 1013 Productions. The other cultural icons mentioned belong to their respective creators, but the actual plot and text are mine. DISTRIBUTION: Archive anywhere you like, but let me know (just because I like knowing where my stories are) and keep my name with it. Author's note at end. Snack By EPurSeMouve epursemouve@goplay.com Who keeps sunflower seeds in the refrigerator, anyway? Diana was confused by that. She was sure that if she had been stocking things, the seeds would have had their own bowl, or their own little space in the cupboard. And purchased in bulk, not the little packets which were undoubtedly more expensive. Plus, she knew that you could buy them in jars, with the shells removed. She didn't like the shells - didn't like how they ended up everywhere. That cinched it. This wasn't a fantasy. Not hers, at least. Of course, she'd been suspicious of the house into which she'd materialized from the beginning, but this was really the last straw. Where was she, and why were there seeds in the refrigerator? She took a packet of the seeds before closing the refrigerator door. Absolute terror always gave her a craving for salt. "Where am I?" she said out loud as she futzed with the cellophane, hoping a mysterious stranger would appear in the living room of this too-perfect house to explain things. She even whirled around to check behind her a few times, for good measure. Nothing. "Can't anyone explain what's going on?" she tried again, her pale eyes wide, expectant, and oddly placed in her face. "What's happening here?" She heard a toilet flush, and a door creep open. Success! But her eyes narrowed as she saw who was entering the room. "You again?" she said snidely to the stringy-haired blonde, exiting from the bathroom. The snideness of Diana's voice, however, was counteracted by her sudden, violent, victory over the cellophane packet, which sent the seeds flying. Marita giggled. Diana, unamused, went down on her knees. To pick up the seeds, of course. "What's so funny?" she asked bitterly. "Physical comedy," Marita replied. "You have a knack for it. Ever consider stand-up?" "I'm more of a drama queen," Diana muttered, hunting for the little black-and-white specks - which was difficult, given the plush black-and-white carpet. Eventually, Marita hauled her to her feet. "Give it up - we'll take care of it later. Samantha's great with a vacuum cleaner." She looked at Diana expectantly. "Don't you have some questions to ask me?" Diana was caught off-guard. "I suppose I'd like to know where I am," she said at last. Marita smiled. "Mythology episode purgatory, of course. Where else?" "What do you mean?" "Well, you're presumed dead right now, right?" Diana thought back. She remembered... Well, actually, she didn't remember anything concrete - just the words "was found murdered," emblazoned in her mind. She assumed they applied to her. "I suppose," she said hesitantly. "Well, this is where you stay until you're needed again. And trust me, They'll probably find some use for you." Marita closed her pink-tinted eyes for a moment, shuddering. "Some use, at the least." "Who are Them?" Diana asked. She did her best to stress the upper-case. "They. The unknown ones. Those who roll the dice and decide who gets resurrected. Not everything dies," she said in a mysterious manner. "What?" Diana asked, confused. Marita sighed. "Nothing. Just remembering old times." With a sweep of her hands down her hospital gown, she pulled herself together, and assumed, for all intents and purposes, a tour guide tone and stance. "Okay, let's see - You'll have to share a room with me, girls bathroom is down here, guys use the upstairs one - avoid that one at all costs; you know what messes bachelor bathrooms are - we alternate making dinner and cleaning up, don't make fun of Krycek's arm, and if you touch English Boy's Earl Gray, none of us will hear the end of it. Sunday night, we all watch "Touched By an Angel" - you're welcome to join us. Really, it's pretty much like college, except without the classes. Or the parties. Or the outdoors..." She trailed off hopelessly. Diana took it all in pretty well. "Just one question - how long do you think I'll be here?" Marita shrugged. "It's pretty random. We've got this theory about Them that involves a random number generator and a dartboard. They don't really put a lot of thought into it, we're pretty sure." Diana nodded. She'd suspected as much. "Whose seeds were those?" she asked, gesturing at the carpet. "Oh, Bill's. Don't ask about the fridge thing. Tell you the truth, it's probably just him being silly. Bill's a real goofball, especially after some tequila." "Should I replace them?" Marita smiled. "How sweet. You're being nice. Most of us are, right before we come here. Don't worry, though. You'll get over it. Four months living near the guys bathroom will do it to anyone." "Four months?" "Yeah - November through February. It's Their only pattern, we've discovered. Gets awfully crowded here from now until then. We think it has something to do with brooms." "Brooms?" Diana asked. "You know, wooden things that sweep?" Diana's face was blank. Marita sighed. "Don't worry. It doesn't make sense to us, either. We just glower when told, go along for the ride, and wait until next week." "Why? What happens next week?" "That fabulous Della Reese. We always make sure to tape her while we're gone." Diana smiled. She was going to fit in just fine. "Tell me, when do you eat dinner?" "Why, you want a snack?" She shrugged. "That would be nice." Marita smiled. How nice to have another girl in the place. "I'll see what I can do. Anything for a friend." END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Some of you may remember a little trilogy of vignettes I wrote this summer to deal with my Diana issues, of which I have many (if you don't remember, feel free to refresh your memory at http://www.goplay.com/epursemouve/mealtime.html). It was a great exercise for me, I scratched the feedback itch, and was, indeed, perfectly willing to leave it at that. However, I was pretty sure that The Fowl One would be back during the premiere, and Jesemie's Evil Twin agreed with me. She asked for a "Snack." I never like to see my friends go hungry. This is therefore dedicated to Jesemie, Lucy, Sarah, Jess, Bidie, Caz and all my other dear email buddies. Hopefully, they found this amusing. Comments to epursemouve@goplay.com Thanks for reading.