From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Wed, 9 Nov 2011 06:15:05 -0600 (CST) Subject: Snow by Blue Samutra Source: direct Reply To: bluesamutra@gmail.com Title: Snow Author: bluesamutra@gmail.com Classification: VRA - Vignette/Romance/Angst Rating: NC-17 Disclaimer: The X-Files is owned by Fox; no infringement of copyright is intended Feedback: most welcome Spoilers: None Summary: "Since we lost the X-Files I've had a lot of time to think about my priorities, and I've realized that you're one of them. I think you have been for a long time..." Author's Notes: This is a follow on piece for 'Dust' and 'Yellow Light'- you might like to read these first but not a pre-requisite *** Scully twists her mouth impatiently as she waits for the luggage carousel to produce the goods. Seventeen revolutions since her matching Samsonites popped off and Mulder's still waiting for his case. It's as though all the Karma from his escapades is paying him back in spades in other ways. They should have arrived back in DC hours ago, but thanks to a weather front their connection in Philadelphia had taken six hours instead of sixty minutes. Of all the fucking places to get stuck; and on a Saturday no less. Add that to the drive from Lafayette to Indianapolis, an hour in security haggling over their right the carry their weapons on board and now Mulder's MIA luggage, they probably could've driven home faster. Mulder roots around in his suit pocket for a sunflower seed and he catches sight of himself in a mirrored pillar as he purses his lips around the salty morsel. A bone tired man in a badly wrinkled suit with hair sticking up like an electrocuted badger looks back at him. He glances over at Scully as she stifles a yawn and she squints surreptitiously at her watch. In the uncompromising airport light, her skin is a wan grey and she looks about as exhausted as he feels. As if sensing his scrutiny, she looks up and meets his eyes briefly, but her gaze soon drops to his lips and she watches him languidly suck the salt off his thumb. She licks her lips as if unconsciously mirroring his action and after a beat she almost imperceptibly gives herself a little shake and looks away, cheeks flaming. He's noticed her doing this a lot recently; she'll gaze at him distractedly, clearly thinking something unpartnerly, before she brushes it aside and carries on like nothing happened. Only something has happened. Twice. And it was wonderful and mind blowing and long overdue and Mulder can't wait to do it again. But when he tried to bring the matter up as they circled Philadelphia waiting for a slot to land, he'd opened a can of worms. "Scully?" he'd said tentatively, watching her as she peered out of the window at the grey clouds below. "What?" she'd asked turning to face him, but he knew as soon as she looked at his face it was obvious what he wanted to talk about. Her left eye flickered like it always did when she was stressed. "I think we should talk about last night. About what it means to our relationship," he'd picked his words careful, watching her face hawkishly for a reaction. Processing his words, her jaw twitched and her eyes cast downwards for a few seconds before she returned her gaze to his face. "Mulder," she'd said gently, "I care about you as my partner and as my friend, but let's not make this into something it's not. Last night was... injudicious..." she'd grasped for the words, "a physical release after a very emotionally draining case." "Scully!" He'd exclaimed loudly, aware that people two rows down had turned to look. Lowering his voice to an indignant hiss he added, "Last night was about more than just celebrating some fucking case!" He couldn't believe she expected him to swallow this horseshit. He'd *been* there - for the last six years. Getting it on with Scully had been a long time coming, but that time was now and he could see by the tense, pained look on her face she knew it too. She was just denying it for some reason. But realizing he was in real danger of scaring her off for good, he'd mentally told himself to dial it down. Taking a deep breath he'd reached for her hand and continued in a softer tone, "Since we lost the X-Files I've had a lot of time to think about my priorities, and I've realized that you're one of them. I think you have been for a long time..." Scully had closed her eyes and sighed and when she looked back at him her eyes were sad, "I know you believe that Mulder." "What does that mean?" How could he feel so much love for her and want to shake her at the same time? He was telling her that she was the most important thing to him and she was brushing it aside like he was a kid who didn't know his own mind. Her hand had felt cold and dry in his clammy palm and he watched her jaw flex as she fought her emotions. "It means... that I can't be your consolation prize Mulder." Her eyes had dropped away from his and he'd had to strain to hear her next words as she whispered them almost to herself "I can't let myself fall in love with you and then get left for dust when the next big thing drags you away." His gut had clenched painfully at her confession and his first instinct was to deny her accusation, but deep down he knew that ever since Diana had come back on the scene, trust had been a point of contention between him and Scully. How had he gone so woefully wrong as to lose her confidence? "But -" he'd stuttered impotently and she stopped him with a sad smile that cut him in two. "Mulder I can't lose you as my partner. I won't do anything to jeopardize what we already have." He'd let her turn away from him then, as he digested her words, and together they silently watched through the window as the ground approached them at 200 miles per hour. Six hours in Philadelphia had given him ample time to stew over the aborted conversation whilst outwardly they acted as though neither the night before nor his attempt to confess his feelings had happened. Standing in the baggage claim hall at National now, he isn't sure whether to be impressed or depressed that they can carry on so nonchalantly. "Isn't that your case?" "Huh?" he says dumbly, snapping back into focus. He drags a hand through his badger hair and Scully flips an eyebrow at him as she stalks over to the luggage belt to grab his beat up old Delsey before it revolves back into the depths of the sorting room. "It's broken," he supplies helpfully as she struggles to extract the handle and he suspects she feels like flipping him more than just an eyebrow. Taking his case from her and leading her to the exit he adds in a conciliatory tone, "You know I can just grab a cab, Scully. Alexandria is taking you in completely the wrong direction." She looks like she's tempted to let him just so she doesn't have to spend another minute in his company, but as they step outside, they find the weather front managed to reach DC before they did. Snowflakes pepper their coats like shrapnel and over the road the queue for a taxi is a mile long. Scully looks at the epic line and shakes her head, "It's fine, Mulder." The ride from National to Mulder's apartment takes a little longer than it should as snow forms an icy blanket along Memorial Parkway, but he notices that Scully seems grateful for the distraction the treacherous conditions bring. The car's pathetic climate control barely makes a dent in the temperature, and he can still see his breath by the time they hit Alexandria. Mulder fiddles with the radio until he finds a local soft rock station and looks out the window at the snowflakes whirling through the air. "...and next up in our U2 special tonight we have the second track from their 1987 album 'Joshua Tree'..." The opening bars of 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For' fill the car and Mulder huffs a breath. "What?" Scully asks, chancing her eyes of the road for a second to look at him. For a split second, she has the same sweet, earnest look she had when he held her face in his hands last night and told her she was beautiful. How can he pretend like it never happened? Mulder opens his mouth to speak but thinks better of it, and he shakes his head slightly, "Nothing." Pulling up in front of his building, Scully leaves the engine idling while he hops out of the car. He leans down to peer back in the door, "Thanks for the ride Scully." "No problem Mulder. See you Monday." After a beat he nods slightly and swings the door closed, gingerly making his way along the icy road to the trunk to retrieve his suitcase. He fumbles with the level for a moment and then bangs on the back window, gesturing at her, "Lock's frozen." Scully sighs and turns off the ignition before hauling her exhausted frame out of the car and into the biting wind. Walking round to the back of the car she cajoles her key into the frozen lock and the trunk pops open. "Thanks," Mulder mumbles as he hauls his case onto the sidewalk and slams the trunk closed. Scully tilts her head back, 'goodnight' already on her lips, and he looks down at her with hooded eyes. If she complains, he'll say he was delirious with exhaustion, but right now he just wants to feel her lips against his again, and before she can react he leans down to kiss her. Her eyes droop shut as he inches forward, and his warm lips mold to hers for a few seconds before he pulls back and looks at her tenderly. Her expression is unreadable but her lips remain slightly parted, her head still inclined, and he cups her cheek with a cold hand, drawing her to him again. This time his kiss is more insistent, his tongue sliding between her teeth and forcing her mouth to widen under his. He brings his other hand to her face and rakes his fingers through her hair, tilting her head for a better angle. His hips press her into the car and the heat of her stomach contrasts sharply with the cold at his back. It feels so good and so right but he senses the second she tenses. Her strong hands grasp the lapels of his heavy cashmere coat to push him back but then his lips are on her neck and his hands are sliding under her coat and around her waist, pulling her into him. "I'm sorry," he gasps, pressing a kiss against the soft indent behind her earlobe, "I just... Jesus Scully, the things you make me feel." Her fingers still clutch his coat and he pulls back to rest his forehead against hers. She inhales slowly through her mouth, and he can see as well as feel her try to regulate her breathing and stave off the tears that he can see glistening in her eyes. God, why is this so hard? What is so fucking wrong with them that they can't even have this? "Will you come up?" He slurs, his huge hands rubbing circles on her back. "Mulder, I don't think it's -" He presses a salty finger to her lips to silence her. "Please Scully, just one more night..." The question, 'before what?' hangs in the air between them. Before they stop acting like fuck-buddies? Or before they start talking like lovers? He looks at her beseechingly whilst his calloused finger smooths her lip and she nods, even though he can see her mind is screaming at her to get back in the car. They share the elevator with one of Mulder's neighbors and all stand in awkward silence while the creaky old car rises through the floors. Mulder fixes his heated gaze on her and when she catches his eye her cheeks flame and she looks away, eyes darting around the car. If he took the time to question his logic, he might decide that this move is even more ill judged than the previous night, but he can't help but feel that maybe he can prove his love physically where words have failed. As they exit he elevator, he brushes his fingers against hers and leads her down the hall to his door as though she hasn't made the journey a thousand times before. His apartment is stuffy, always heated a couple of degrees warmer than average, and the aquarium drapes the living room in a humid fug. He dumps some food in the tank and shrugs out of his overcoat whilst Scully stands awkwardly by the coffee table. She's been in his apartment dozens of times since that first night, but tonight he notices she can't seem to drag her eyes away from the dusty floor by the front door. His own memories of that first night are so acute, he can almost feel her harsh breath on his neck, feel the way his fingers had bit into his shoulders as he drove into her again and again. That night he had wanted to own her; tonight he wants her to realize that she owns him. "Can I get you anything?" He asks, taking her coat from her and draping it over the arm of the sofa. He is standing so close to her, he can feel the warmth rolling off her body and she has to tilt her head back to see his face. His eyes are almost black in the dim lighting of his living room and his nostrils flare as she shakes her head 'no'. Their breathing seems unnaturally loud to his ears. "God, I have never wanted anyone the way that I want you," he admits hoarsely, stepping even closer so that their torsos are flush. He dimly wonders if she can feel the thud of his heart through their clothes but then his hands are in her hair and his mouth is on hers and he is swallowing the gasp that escapes from her throat as he devours her. His fingers knead her scalp and massage away the tensions of the day and his hot tongue sweeps around her mouth and then retreats to trace her lower lip as he sucks it into his mouth. His teeth worry her lip and she moans into his mouth, the vibrations running down his body to his groin. Scully draws her hands from their dormant position by her sides and slides them up his torso, fingers dancing over the taut muscles of his chest. She reaches one hand up to cup his cheek, her soft skin rasping against the stubble on his jaw and she slips her other hand into the soft hair at the back of his head, running the silky strands between her fingers. Mulder curls his arms around her waist and lifts, straightening from what must have been an uncomfortable position. Their mouths still fused, he takes the few steps to his bedroom until the bed bumps at the back of her calves and with a small push, Scully is sitting on his rumpled comforter, her breath coming in shallow gasps. He reaches for his tie and loosens the knot, slipping the ugly silk over his head and tossing it on the floor. Running his hands over her hair and neck, his fingers slip under the collar of her blazer, sliding it down her shoulders until it too is on the floor. In this position, their knees bump together and Mulder's crotch is level with her face, the arch of his erection unmistakable under the soft wool of his slacks. He watches as Scully draws an unsteady breath and runs her shaking hands across the wool of her skirt. Wanting to assuage her nerves, Mulder drops to his knees on the floor. He ignores the hard bite of the wood against his kneecaps and his hands joining hers as they rub up and down her thighs. He seek her lips out again and the slide of their tongues combined with the tantalizing sensation of their hands on her thighs sends another rush of blood to Mulder's groin and his erection twitches painfully against his fly. Together, they pull her sweater off and he nuzzles Scully's breasts as he rids her of her bra, his lips and teeth alternating between kisses and nips while he explores the soft flesh of her chest. She grasps at his hair once more, anchoring him to her and he is surrounded by the musky sweetness of her skin. Blood thrums in his ears and he runs the flat of his tongue over her right nipple, catching the left between the webbing of his index and middle finger, pinching the tender flesh tightly. He draws her right nipple into his mouth and sucks hard, eliciting a breathy 'Oh Mulder,' from her. After several moments of his caresses he withdraws, peppering her inflamed flesh with soft kisses as his fingers slide down to her waistband and maneuver the button of her skirt free. Raising up to help him slide the garment down, Scully finds herself sitting on the end of Mulder's bed in nothing but her soaked panties, thigh highs and heels and Mulder leans back, smiling wryly. "I think I had a dream about this once," he observes in a rough voice, his eyes hooded in arousal, and she huffs a small laugh. A stupid, small joke, but it seems to ease the tension between them and he feels her relax noticeably under his hands. Mulder sits back on his heels to remove her shoes and stockings, one by one bringing each foot into his lap and massaging the muscles of her feet and calves. Scully's head drops forward as she relaxes into his ministrations and he draws one foot to his mouth, before trailing his tongue up her calf. His hands slide to her knees and he pushes at them gently encouraging her to part them. Scully's eyes snap open as she weighs his intentions. They watch one another for a moment, chests heaving. "Can I taste you Scully?" he asks earnestly, and her cheeks flame. "Mulder you don't have to.." she whispers. He draws the flat of her foot against his groin so she can feel the heat and hardness of him as he presses against her. "Scully, I *want* to.." She shivers against him as Mulder continues to rub his erection against the sole of her foot whilst he begs her with his eyes. She slowly nods and he fairly leaps forward while her head is still bobbing, pushing her back against the pillows and burying his face in her neck. "Thank you," he hums into her ear while his tongue traces the whorls of her ear and his right hand trails up the inside of her thigh. She lets out a choked huff of incredulity that morphs into a moan as his fingers dance along her skin and brush against the damp fabric of her panties. Her fingers clutch at his shoulders, fingernails rasping against the cool cotton of his shirt. Mulder slides down her body, pressing hot, open- mouthed kisses against her stomach. He massages her breasts as he passes and dips his tongue into her naval, causing her to jerk in surprise. "Tickles," she stutters and he looks up at her with a smile in his eyes, rubbing his stubbled chin against the soft flesh of her abdomen. As he eases her panties off he can smell her arousal, warm and earthy. His mouth waters at the prospect of tasting her and he dips a finger between her legs and traces her outer lips, marveling at the slick wetness of her sex. There's no doubt in his mind as she bites her lip to hold back a moan and lets her legs spring open; she wants him just as much as he wants her. He twists his tongue into a point and follows the same path of his finger, using his hands to gently spread her open before him. She crackles under his tongue and he presses his cock into the mattress to relieve some of the pressure building in his pants. Next he swipes the flat of his tongue over her from opening to clit and her body jerks into his face. He can't help but groan into her, repeating the action again and again whilst her body shudders in response. She relaxes her grip on his shoulders and slides her fingers through his hair, making his scalp tingle. He digs his tongue as far inside her as he can, nose pressing against her swollen clit and he feels like he is drowning in her. If he could crawl insider her he would. "Oh God, Muh -" she gasps, as he fucks her with his mouth. Mulder withdraws his tongue, and leaving her bereft for the second it takes him to slide a crooked finger inside her and suck her clit into his mouth and then she is flying, her climax taking them both completely by surprise. He feels her strong internal muscles clenching tightly around his finger, and he shudders at the prospect of feeling that around his cock. He laves her gently with his tongue as she comes back to herself and withdraws his hand from between her legs. When her breathing has calmed, he presses a kiss to the soft skin above her apex and slides off the bed to stands at the foot. Scully lies back against the pillows watching him unblinking as he fumbles with his belt and fly. He can't take his eyes off her as he slides his tailored wool pants and underwear off and grasps his cock in his right hand. Scully breathes heavily through her mouth, and with her flushed chest and mussed hair she looks wanton. Mulder casts his eyes over her toned legs, the neat triangle at her apex, her heaving breasts but mostly he stares at her face, his jaw slack as he strokes his cock from root to tip. Scully watches him palm the plum sized head, smoothing a rush of precum over his penis. Unconsciously she licks her lips in anticipation and Mulder can't contain a groan or the look of want that is so openly displayed on his face. Dragging her eyes back to his face, Scully whispers, "Come here." Crawling up the bed into her arms feels like coming home to Mulder, and he feels a wave of emotion clutch at the back of his throat as her fingers thread through his hair and draw his mouth down to hers. The kiss is so sweet and open; he could almost forget about all the other crap that's worrying at the back of his mind. His penis nudges at her opening, the spongy end slipping easily between her swollen folds. Her body feels more open to him than the previous two times they made love, and with a slight thrust the head of his cock pops past the muscle of her vagina and into the slick channel within. The hot suction of her body draws him in until his balls nestle at her backside. "Oh Scully," he moans into her mouth, breaking their kiss. She feels so tight and so slick, and he is so turned on by going down on her, the first tingle of an impending orgasm burn in his balls. He is scared to breathe, lest the movement be enough to set off his orgasm, and he stays sheathed within her until he is sure isn't going to come as soon as he moves. He presses the tip of his belligerent nose against her neat one and they are eyeball to eyeball as his penis tremors anxiously inside her. He thinks he can feel her pulse through his cock, and lying still in her arms, joined like this is the most intimate thing he's ever done with anyone. He understands that she's afraid - he's afraid of losing her too; but he can't never do this with her again. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he whispers, "I love you," and his lips brush hers with each word. "Mulder -" her eyes crinkle with the pain and fear but he cuts her off, his voice soft but firm. "I *love* you." He starts to move then, noses still touching and his eyes fixed on hers as he slowly withdraws and then reinserts himself. Scully's hips move in tandem and her fingertips play with the short hairs at the back of his neck. They continue like that for several moments, their pace languid. His fingers are threaded through her hair holding her still and their lips are slightly parted as they lie nose to nose, sharing breath. In the distance, Mulder can hear a police siren wail and light from the streetlamps filters through his blinds, bathing them in soft yellow light. The feeling of her around him is consuming and he almost wants to close his eyes because it's too much but he doesn't want to miss a single second. He tries to show Scully with the gentle rock of his body and the piercing stare of his eyes. Against his mouth, Scully's breath hitches and her body tenses as she presses her hips firmly into his. Her eyes drift close as she nears orgasm and she tries to turn her head to the side, breaking contact with him. Mulder slides one of his hands from her hair to her cheek and turns her face to him again. "Look at me," he implores, and slowly her eyes open. Her pupils are huge and dark and her eyes seem to take up her whole face, and in this moment Mulder can't imagine ever making love with anyone else again. Mulder thrusts as far inside her as he can and holds himself there, rotating his hips and drilling into her. Her clit is trapped between them and every twist of his groin caresses the sensitive nub. Mulder can feel her juices slick on his balls as they tingle in anticipation. A low cry is torn from Scully's throat as he feels her sex clamp down on him in tight waves, but she keeps her eyes fixed on his even as tears slip down her cheeks and leave wet tracks on his hands. Mulder's own orgasm following almost immediately as he grinds his hips into her, and he comes in thick long pulses which leave him shaking. He rests his forehead against hers whilst he gulps air and then pulls back enough to press a kiss against her mouth, drawing a hand up to smooth away the tears on her cheeks. He's terrified that he's pushed her too far, that this was a huge mistake and he peppers her face with kisses, tasting the salt of her tears on his tongue. He feels like he should say something but his mind is blank and he's so damn tired, so he rolls onto his back, drawing Scully with him. She curls into his arms, her cheek pressed against his chest. The room is silent around them and he lets his eyes drift shut for a moment, his last conscious thought is to wonder if she will be there when he wakes up.