From: Amanda Barnes <abarnes@mis.net>
Date: 15 Nov 1999 17:27:55 -0800
Subject: New:  Soon 1 of 1

From: "Amanda Barnes" <abarnes@mis.net>

Title:  Soon
Author:  Amanda Barnes
Keywords:  MSR
Category:  SRA
Summary:  Scully thinks too much.
Spoilers:  Amor Fati 
Feedback:  Taken gladly at abarnes@mis.net
Rating:  PG
Disclaimer: The X-files and all properties thereof belong to Chris Carter 
and 1013 productions.  This is intended only for reader enjoyment and no 
money has exchanged hands.  
Distribution:  If you want it, you've got it.  Just keep my name and email 
address attached.
  
Special Thanks must go to Barb for the fast beta.  You're great, lady!  :-)


Soon (1/1)

I am a coward.  

I, Dana Scully, gun-toting, bad ass, monster-hunting, superior bashing, g-
woman for all occasions, am little more than a coward.  

I cannot tell a man that I love him.

Even when death breathes down the backs of our necks and separation 
seems inevitable; I cannot tell him.

I am a coward.

I have, on occasion, awakened from dreams of his death; the aftermath of 
one half trying to remain a whole that was never really complete.

I am in love with my partner, a man who in the beginning I swore never to 
love.  A man who unknowingly wormed his way into my heart, and it is 
only in the last two years that I have found the strength to admit to myself 
that I am *in* love with him.  Before I tried to think of him as another 
Bill or Charlie-even as I was touching myself and seeing his face.  I 
denied it.

I am a coward.

I tried to tell him once in Florida, with wine and cheese. I needed all the 
wine I could get at the time.  When he ran, I must admit to being relieved. 
 My secret was safe.  

There were times when he has taken control; a kiss in a hallway gone 
wrong, a drugged `I love you'-what I wouldn't give to hand him the 
control.

But, now, he waits for me.

In the aftermath of his illness, and miraculous recovery (I cannot say 
resurrection), I thought I could try again.  I went to his apartment.  He 
began his sweet words.  

He called me his constant.  And, choking tears, I called him mine.

I rose and kissed his forehead.

I touched his lips with my fingers.  So soft.

I am a coward.

But, soon, Mulder.

Soon.

End.

Author's notes:  I don't think Scully is a coward.  She is wonderful!  But, I 
do think she is afraid...and this is what came out.  :-)