From: "O'Neil" Date sent: Thu, 5 Mar 1998 21:20:27 -0500 Summary: Mulder angst Scully angst and a bit of romance! Spoilers: Gethsemene, Redux I &II,Emily, Christmas Carol Distribution statement: Archive it anywhere you want, as long as you tell me first. Disclaimer: You know it and I know it, as much as I wish they did, Mulder and Scully do NOT belong to me. They belong to Ten Thirteen Productions and The Messer With Minds, Chris Carter. No infringement intended. Any and all characters created by me, belong to me, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't use 'em without asking first. ******************************************************** A Soul's Ransom By Teagan Riley Mulder's apartment 2:30 a.m. Mulder sat on his couch staring blindly at telivision screen. It was one of the best videos in his collection, but he wasn't really paying attention.His thoughts were with his partner. Dana Scully was dying right before his eyes and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he could do, because she wouldn't let him. But then again, why should she? Everyone who cared about Fox Mulder had this nasty habit of dying or disappearing. Scully had been no exception. She had disappeared for the three darkest months of his life. The fear, the pain the terror that she was gone, gone because of him had been his constant companion during the time she had been gone. They'd found her, hanging onto life with the same stuborness that she held onto her beliefs with. She'd looked so small and helpless, lying there in that hospital bed with all those tubes sticking into her. But Dana Scully didn't give up that easily, as he'd learned. She'd pulled through. She'd come back to work. Back to his search, and had made it her own. Made _him_ her own. They'd come close to the truth a thousand times. But, he'd discovered that the truth really didn't mean as much to him as he had thought. He still NEEDED to know what had happened to his sister and why, but he needed Scully by his side more. And the Consortium knew it. She had been given cancer, all because she had listened to the man that others called "Spooky" Mulder. Because he cared about her. Because she was his friend. But she had come back from that too, he thought. She had come back to him once again defeating death, and pulling him from the darkness he knew would engulf him if ever he lost her. But then there had been Emily. A little girl, HER little girl. God, how that child had looked like her, Mulder thought. Her big blue eyes and that adorable little rosebud mouth had reminded him of her. Even those little chipmunk cheeks, they too somehow reminded him of his partner. He had loved her too, he realized. He had loved her because she was part of Dana Scully. A part that he never though he would get to see. Scully hadn't thought so either. And then that little girl had come along, giving her a chance to be a mother, a chance that the cruel men behind her abduction had seen fit to deprive her of. Scully meeting Emily had been pure luck... or had it? She had said that a woman that sounded like her dead sister had called her saying only "She needs you Dana. Go to her". Scully had traced the call to Emily's home, where they found her adoptive mother dead.From what had LOOKED like a suicide. Later, they had learned that it had been murder. Scully had originally thought that Emily was Melissa's child. Even then, she had loved Emily, and had seen her as the closest thing that she would ever have to a child of her own. It had only strengthened her love for the little girl to find that she was her own baby. Emily had given Scully a chance to taste what it was like to be a mother. And then she had had that savagely ripped away from her, when the child had died. The worst part had been discovering that pile of dust in Emily's place at the funeral. That had been what had killed Scully more than anything else. If he was being honest, it had killed him too. Not only had she been simply used as a guinea pig, when she had died, they hadn't seen fit to leave a whole body for them to bury.He had wanted to see her grow up. To watch her have her first crush, to see her go from an awkward adolescent to a self-posessed adult. What he had wanted most of all was to be a family with her and Scully. He had wanted to be her father, and it was tearing him apart that he couldn't, wouldn't ever have this chance again. Scully needed him now. He needed her too, but mostly he knew that she needed him. To greive with, to rage at, to hold her as she fell apart. Her complete isolation scared him. It scared him a lot. He was afraid that she was simply giving up. That she was going to let go, that she didn't care anymore. Anything would have been better than this. If she gave up, then he would be all alone again... He hated himself for his selfish fears, but it terrified him, the idea of not having her... She was his anchor, his salvation, and his only friend. Well, he thought of her as more than a friend, and had for some time. He would have had to be inhuman not to have considered taking that last step with her. Dana Scully might act like she was six feet tall, but she was actually a very petite woman. Her head barely reached his shoulder. Maybe it was her diminutive size that made Mulder want to protect her, to pamper her until she forgot the meaning of hard work. Or maybe it was those big baby blues of hers, huge and so full of life, of emotion that he lost himself in them regularly. But, despite all his desires to shelter her, he knew that Scully would probably kill him before she let him whisk her away to some secluded castle where the shadowy figures that chased them would never find her. He pushed those thoughts aside. They were dangerous territory, because long ago he decided to not pursue a relationship with Dana Scully beyond what they already had. Their friendship meant everything to him. She knew him better than anyone in the world, and that was too precious to him to risk. She was the only person he trusted. And she was slowly and silently slipping farther and farther away. It broke his heart the way she held herself away from him. Sometimes he would look at her and there would be that mournful look in her eyes, and then he wanted to fall down and beg forgiveness for not being able to save her daughter. And sometimes, he would look at her and want to weep for the injustice of it all. He was no stranger to guilt and anguish, but lately he had been overwhelmed with both of those too- familiar emotions. If he had only been there faster, done this better, if only... He would give anything to take Emily's place if it would spare Scully any amount of pain. Scully would have been better off without him in the first place, but he couldn't bring himself to wish that they had never met. Without her, his life would mean absolutely nothing. He would probably just have killed himself years ago if it hadn't been for the Enigmatic Dr. Scully barging into his miserable existence and proceeding to question every single theory he had. She was what had given him back a will to live. During her abduction he had been forced to live without her and he didn't think he could endure being without her ever again. Mulder sighed, and turned off the movie. He needed to find something to take his mind off of his thoughts. He flipped through numerous infomercials and several stupid movies, but none held his attention. Finally he gave up, and reached for the first book that his hand came in contact with. Hmmm... a poetry anthology. Well, I guess it's better than nothing, he thought. He thumbed through, glancing at the poems before him. One in particular caught his eye. You've stayed by me Through thick and thin Even when I ask you to go No you are asking me You're hiding, Behind walls of ice. Held hostage By demons of my making. How do you ransom a soul? I stand alone, incomplete with out you beside my side. And I wonder once more How do you ransom a soul? "How do you ransom a soul?" He read aloud. Then the power went out, leaving Fox Mulder sitting alone, in the dark, pondering the very same question. ******************************************************** J. Edgar Hoover Building 9:00 a.m. Mulder sat at his desk, going over his newest assignment, waiting for Scully to arrive, and eating his sunflower seeds. A familiar footfall heralded her approach even before the door swung open to reveal his small, red headed partner, wrestling with an overly large trenchcoat. "Morning Scully." He said. "Morning Mulder." She replied, making her way over towards the coffee. She poured herself a cup full, and took a sip, making a face at him. "God, that coffee is awful! What did you do to it?" "What, you don't like my coffee?" He said, giving her his patented puppy dog eyes. She merely raised an eyebrow. "I'm hurt, Scully. I'm really hurt." She looked over at his desk, spying the new files. "What's that?" She asked. "Our new case." Scully waited for him to elaborate. "There have been a string of disappearences in Deerfield, Louisiana. The victims are all female, between the ages of 35 and 50, no other discernable connection." He said, showing her the dossier. "So? This isn't exactly x-file material, Mulder." "Well, the manner of the disappearance is. Every one of the victims vanished in broad daylight, from an occupied house, leaving behind only a pool of blood. Blood that isn't quite human, Scully." "Isn't 'quite' human?" " Oh, it seems to have *been* human, but there's an unknown agent *in* the blood. An UNIDENTIFIABLE agent." "So, when are we going to Deerfield, Mulder?" "Tommorow." "Tommorow, why not today?" She asked. "Because, today, you're taking the day off." He ordered, expecting her to get mad at him. Sort of hoping for her to get angry, hoping she would lose her control that much. "What?" "No arguements, Scully." "Fine, Mulder, I'll see you tommorow." Scully said icily gathering her things up and leaving the office. "Bye Scully." He said, in a last ditch attempt to get any emotion out of her. But she ignored him, and slammed the door lightly. "She didn't even mention my tie." He said forlornly, glancing down at the glaringly loud chartruese Marvin the Martian tie. ******************************************************** Dana Scully's apartment Later that morning Dana Scully knew she _should_ be mad at her partner for trying to dictate her life. She _should_ have been mad, but she wasn't. She just didn't have the energy to be mad anymore. She didn't have the energy to do anything anymore. And she knew it wasn't fair to him. He had so much life, even though he had lost all most everything that meant anything to him. His will power and determination to see the truth drove him. But, to her, the truth didn't matter anymore. It had stopped mattering when she had seen what was left of her baby, the only baby she could ever have lying in that casket. That was when she had stopped caring, and she knew it. The truth was what had hurt her in the first place. The truth was that the people who had created her daughter hadn't meant for her to live a long life, they hadn't meant for her to live as long as she had. To them, she was a guinea pig, something to be experimented on, and then tossed aside. The quest for the truth belonged to Mulder, as it always had. She had simply borrowed it for a little while. And now she didn't know how to return it. This case was to be her last. She had already written her resignation, and printed it out. She would hand it in when this Deerfield case was over. It was her way of saying good-bye. It didn't have any of the closure that she would have liked, but she'd learned to expect that from the X-Files. But Mulder, that was another story. He was her friend and partner, and she didn't know how to say good-bye to him. Because once she left, she was certain that she wouldn't last long before she joined Emily, Melissa and Ahab. She had to tell him somehow, it was unfair to leave without saying good-bye. He was worried about her, she knew. She had seen it in his eyes when he had ordered her to take the day off, heard it in his voice. If she had had the energy left to comfort him, she would have. But she didn't. Mulder would have to learn to live on his own, despite himself. And as hollow as she was, as tired out, it still hurt her to have to leave him. ******************************************************** 8:00 a.m. United Airlines Flight 101311 They had driven to the airport in silence. They had waited for the plane to arrive in silence. They had boarded the plane in silence. Now they were sitting on the plane, in silence. Not a comfortable silence, mind you, Mulder could deal with that. It was a sort of suffocating silence, the kind that hinted to things unspoken and feelings kept secret. Mulder hated those kinds of silences, they always made him fidgety. And when Mulder got fidgety, Scully got irritated. Well, she usually got irritated. This time, she was just sitting there, a sad, introspective look on her face, completely oblivious to him, and the rest of the world. That made him even more fidgety, he hated it when she had that look. It usually did not bode well for him. Mulder glanced out the window, hoping to distract himself. He _could_ always go over the case file once more, but he'd memorized that, not too hard when you had a photographic memory. Or he could look out the window at nothing, and think about the strange phone call he'd recieved from Skinner the night before. He picked the latter. Mulder had been sitting at home watching the Knicks game when the phone had rung. He had thought, hoped, that it was Scully. He'd picked up the phone ready to hear the melodic tones of his pissed of partner yelling at him for micro managing her life. Instead, he had been greeted by his boss. Alarmed that he had done something wrong he had asked to what he had owed the pleasure. To which Skinner had replied the he "needed to stop being such a smart ass." Skinner had gone on to say that Scully had made some statements that hinted rather heavily at her leaving the Bureau. "Scully, leave the Bureau?" He had had asked, increduolosly. "That's what I said, Agent Mulder. You know Scully better than I do, and even I can tell that she's hurting right now. She needs you Mulder, she doesn't know it yet, but she does. When she figures out how much she needs you, you be there, do I make myself clear?" Skinner said, his voice sounding menacing and more than slightly despairing. Mulder had been touched by the AD's worries for his partner. Despite himself, Mulder really did like Skinner, even if he was a tight ass most of the time. "Sir, thank you. I appreciate your concern, and I'm sure Scully would also." And then it hit him. "You love her, don't you?" He asked softly. Skinner sighed and said, "Agent Mulder, Dana Scully is a beautiful intelligent woman. Whomever she happens to fall in love with is a very lucky man."Then he had hardened his tone and said, "However, I do not harbor feelings of that nature for your partner. I am simply saying this because she is an extroadinarily talented agent, and it would be a great loss to the Bureau were she to leave. I'm also concerned about her mental condition. Take care of her, Mulder." "Yes sir." He had said, more certain than before that Assitant Director Walter Skinner was in love with his partner, Dana Scully. And even more certain that Skinner would probably never even admit it to himself. "Good night, sir." "Good night, Agent Mulder." That converstation had seriously damaged any sleep Mulder might have managed to have between night- mares. It didn't bother him that Skinner loved Scully, not really, but Scully leaving the Bureau? That thought disturbed him a great deal, and still did. He glanced over at his partner, and noticed, not for the first time, how fragile she looked, as though she would shatter into a thousand tiny pieces if he touched her. But Mulder knew that to be an illusion. Scully was the strongest person he knew. She also had the strongest defenses he had ever seen, and after five years of working with her, he could tell when the drawbridge was up, and it was _definitly_ up. ******************************************************** Deerfield Police Department Deerfield, Lousiana Two hours later "Who the hell are you?" asked a harried looking secretary. "Agents Scully and Mulder with the FBI, we have an appointment with Detective O'Neil, I believe." Scully said calmly, politely ignoring the woman's rudeness. "Of course, I'm sorry, but Detective O'Neil is slightly busy at the moment..." The woman began, but was interuppted by the sounds of an arguement, coming from inside a nearby office. "I don't give a damn! It was my case and you have NO right to do this to me!" A man bellowed angrily. The secretary winced. "Is that Detective O'Neil's office?" Mulder asked, gesturing. "Yes it is." " I see." Scully said, tactfully. "NO! I will not stand for it!" The man yelled again. Then there was a muffled thud, as if somone had thrown something. "Not a bright move," muttered the secretary quietly. "Is there a better time for us to come back?" Mulder asked, impatiently, just as the door opened to reveal a large, red-eyed man, still loudly denouncing his superior. A small, darkhaired woman with large green eyes held the door open. She spoke in a low tone that could have frozen the sun. "Frankly, Linder, I don't give a damn if it was your case, Samuels got results. You endangered it by throwing one of you temper tantrums. Samuels turned up two witnesses you didn't even know existed. It's his case now, understood?" The woman asked. The man looked as if he was about to object, but looked into her eyes, and saw something there that made him think better of what he was going to say before stalking off muttering something to himself. The woman watched him for a while, an icy expression on her face. Then she turned to the two agents. "You must be the FBI agents. I'm Detective Sabrina O'Neil." She said, shaking hands with the pair. "We were wondering if we could see the crime scenes?..." Mulder asked. "Of course, and Dr. Scully, you'll probably want to see the body we recovered yesterday." Mulder and Scully exchanged a glance. "You recovered a body?" Scully asked. "Yeah, we found Eileen Watts, one of the very first victims. A 42 year old Caucasion female, abducted during dinner. She excused herself to the batheroom and didn't come back. We did some blood tests to see if her blood had the same agent in it as the blood on the floor, but we don't have the results yet. There hasn't been an autopsy. I thought maybe that you would like to perform the autopsy, Dr. Scully." "How did you know I was a doctor?" Scully asked, raising her eyebrow in a trademark move. O'Neil matched her an eyebrow and raised her a shrug. "I do my homework." "Um, Detective? I was wondering if we could get out to the crime scenes as soon as possible? And if you could show us where the body was found?" Mulder asked. "Okay, let's get going then." ******************************************************** Motel 8 Deerfield, Louisiana Room 1121 Exhausted did not even begin to describe how tired Scully was when she got back to the motel. It seemed like they had traveled over the entire state of Louisiana that day. After that, she had thought that the autopsy would be a relatively simple one. Oh, how wrong she had been. It seemed like this woman had no reason for dying, at all. But the blood tests on that unidentifiable agent weren't back yet, so maybe that would clear it up. Well, relatively. Plus, she had had to endure countless searching stares from Mulder. The only thing that could have made her day any worse was if O'Neil had been another Det. White. Thankfully, though, O'Neil didn't seem to be interested in Mulder. She was, as she had put it, _very_ married with two kids. Scully liked her, she was a rational woman who had a good sense of humor and what seemed to be inexhaustable patience. O'Neil had also listened to Mulder's theories, she had been skeptical, but she hadn't dismissed them outright as ludicrous or insane. That, in and of itself, earned her a gold star in Scully's book. Tommorow, they would question the abductees' families, starting with Eileen Watts's little girl. Katherine Watts was the only family that Eileen Watts had. Eileen had been a single mother, Katherine's father had run off about 10 months before Eileen disappeared. The only other person present at the time of the abduction had been the babysitter, Julie Ramirez, and she had been questioned twice already. But Mulder was insisting that they question the poor girl again. So much for an easy one to go out on, Dana, she thought to herself. But, then again, what did she expect from the X-Files? ******************************************************** Deefield Police Department Deerfield, Louisiana Detective Sabrina O'Neil had always hated mornings. But now that she had two kids and husband to get out of the door in the morning, not to mention a job to get to, she loathed them with every fiber of her being. That was why Agents Mulder and Scully found her sucking down black coffee at an alarming rate when they sauntered into the precinct around 9 a.m. She had been there since before eight. If Scully hadn't been attacking a styrofoam cup of what looked to be a black caffeinated substance with a familiar ferverence, O'Neil would, most likely,have hated both of them on principle. Mulder, however, looked obscenely awake. Well, there was one in every crowd, she thought sourly. "Good morning, Agent Scully, Mulder." She said, pausing momentarily from emptying her mug of it's contents to greet them. "Morning." Scully managed, between gulps of what O'Neil was now sure was coffee. The woman was a kindred spirit. "Good morning, Detective. So, ready to question Watts's kid?" Mulder said brightly, very aware that both his partner and the good detective were not exactly awake yet. There were some advantages to being an insomniac. Scully and O'Neil groaned in unison. "Mulder, tell you what, you give me about fifteen minutes to finish my pot of coffee and my Danish, and then we'll talk?" Said O'Neil. "Danish? Isn't that against the rules? I thought all cops were supposed to be ennamored of doughnuts." Mulder teased. "A common myth. It's Danishes we truly love. Scully, you look like you could use a refill. I'm going to go get one myself. How do you take your coffee?" "Black, please." Scully said gratefully. "Thanks." "No prob." O'Neil assured her, and took off in the general direction of the coffee pot, pausing from time to time to talk to other detectives. "Well, how about you, Scully? Ready to take on the forces of evil and question a small child?" Mulder asked, trying to needle SOME sort of response from his partner. Ever since she woke up this morning, he'd only heard several coherent sentances from her. Hell, since he'd ordered her to take the day off he'd barely gotten a full paragraph out of her. She ignored him. O'Neil returned, with two steaming cups of coffee. She handed Scully hers, and was rewarded with a hasty thank you before Scully took to gulping it down again. O'Neil watched in amusement as she leisurely sipped her own. Then she turned to Mulder. "Well, if it's okay with you & Scully, I was thinking when your done with that we can go and question the girl at the foster home. I don't want to bring her in here again. It might be more comfortable for her to be in familiar surroundings when you talk to her." "No problem at all." Scully said. "Sure. Sounds good to me. " Mulder quickly agreed. For the next five minutes or so, silence reigned while the two women drank their coffee and Mulder sat there, looking impatient. Then, after they had both finally consumed enought caffeine, they started out to the foster home to, as Mulder had put it, fight the forces of evil, and question a small child. ******************************************************** "So, have you spoken to Katherine Watts before?" Mulder asked, simply to break the silence as he, his partner and O'Neil waited for the child to put in an appearance. Mulder was really getting sick of silence. "Yes, once. Right after her mother was taken. Poor little thing, she's only about two years old, but she asked me so seriously if her mommy was coming back or not. Apparently she remembered the time her father ran out on them, and she thought that was what her mother had done. I could have cried. She's a shy little girl, and so somber. But she's also absolutely adorable, and pretty obviously intelligent also." O'Neil said, reflectively. A tall well groomed woman walked into the room, and said, "Katherine's in her room. She won't come out, but I'm pretty sure that if you go in there, she'll answer any questions you have." "Okay." Mulder said. "If the mountain won't come to Mohammed..." O'Neil muttered, earning a grin from Mulder and a small smile from Scully as they followed the woman to a little room. The woman knocked on the door. "Katherine, the visitors I told you about are here to talk to you. Can we come in?" A childish voice reluctantly answered, "Okay." The woman opened the door, and gestured for the agents and O'Neil to enter. As Mulder walked through the door, he stopped dead. "Oh my God..." He whispered. "What is it, Mulder?" Scully asked, trying to push her way out from behind him, even as he tried to block her view of the small child sitting on the bed. "Scully, we need to talk.." He said, trying to push her out of the doorframe. "Mulder, what's wrong with you?" She asked, annoyed, and managed to brush by him. When she saw the little girl, she stopped, her face turning white. Her mouth hung open, but no sound came out as she stared at the little girl on the bed. Then, she turned and fled, with a choked excuse me to O'Neil and the woman. The little girl looked exactly like Emily. ******************************************************** Motel 8 Deerfield, Louisiana Room 1013 6:00 p.m. Mulder was very concerned about Scully. She had returned to the room, seeming rather composed and had simply watched the little girl as he and O'Neil questioned her, a wistful expression on her face. After that, she had been even more cool and detached than before. Her ironclad suppresion of her emotions was most definitly NOT a healthy thing. She needed to talk to somone, and she sure as hell wasn't talking to him. He stood on his side of the adjoining doors, which he knew weren't locked, debating whether he should go to her, and ask her if she was allright. He knew she probably wouldn't appreciate his prying, but dammit he was worried. He grappled with himself a moment longer, when a muffled sob from her side made the decision for him. "Scully?" He called softly into her room as he walked in. No one answered him, but he saw her almost immediately. She was huddled on the bed, shaking with the force of her tears. "Scully?" He asked as he sat down beside her and gathered her into his arms. "Scully, shhh. Do you want to talk about it?" She managed to stop the tears and extricate herself from him. "Mulder, I'm fine, really." He strood over to her, and cupped her face in his hands, "No Scully, your not." He said quietly, and her face crumpled as he encircled her in his arms once more. This time, she let herself cry. She just held onto him, and forced out the words to tell him how she had felt when Emily had died. She somehow described to him the joy of finding her, and the almost unutterable anguish of losing her while she sobbed. And, as the tears began to ebb, she told him how, at first, she had thought the girl was her Emily. How, when she had seen her all she had been able to think was, it's my baby. Then the horror that she had been wrong. The crushing pain she had somehow managed to hold at bay of what had been like losing her daughter for a second time. Mulder rocked her back and forth as she spoke, silent tears of his own streaming down his cheeks. Pain, that she had felt she couldn't tell him before, pain that he had put her through this, all of this. And pain, that Scully was hurting so badly and all he could do was listen. When she finally finished crying, she started to pull away from him, but he held her close. She looked up, questioning. "Scully, tonight you need to be held." He said. She nodded, and for hours they simply sat there, comfortable in each other's embrace. As Scully drifted off to sleep, she said "I felt so alone, Mulder, so alone." He felt his heart break. "Scully, your never alone, not as long as I am alive." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. And, althought neither one knew it, with that very kiss, the walls within Dana Scully's heart began to fall, slowly, one by one. End part 1 ******************************************************** ******************************************************** SO? What do you think? Flames and comments to ATR48@INAME.COM Tell me whether I should keep it going and start writing a part 2 or should I just give it up? Your call!