From: lopsided <lopsidedNOdeSPAM@usa.net>
Date: Thu, 09 Sep 1999 15:37:30 -0700
Subject: NEW: Spontaneous Human Cumbustion [PG-13 Slash]


spontaneous human combustion
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



       "So, any ideas on the case, Alex?"

       "Well let's see... three people are dead, from 
apparent
       spontaneous human combustion during one of North 
Dakota's
       worst blizards in the past twenty years. There were no
       witnesses and none of the people we've interviewed 
think
       anything unusual is going on."

       "And?"

       "Sorry, Mulder, I'm drawin' a blank here."

       "Hand me the frog, will you?"

       "Sure, here you go. So, what's your idea?"

       "Well, take this frog."

       "Yeah?"

       "For argument's sake, let's say this frog is our first
       victim."

       "Okay, the froggie is Fred Farnesworth. Fred 
Farnesworth, the
       flammable froggie from Fargo."

       "Cute. Now where was I? Oh, yeah, flammable Freddie 
here
       reportedly went up in flames on or about 3pm last 
Tuesday,
       shortly after that day's snow storm passed out of 
town,
       leaving 14 inches of snow behind."

       "Yep, so far, I follow you."

       "But what happened before 3pm, Alex?"

       "I give, Mulder, what happened?"

       "Why he went to the local general store to purchase 
groceries
       and to hear the local news from the owner, Dorothy 
Drake."

       "Yeah, and?"

       "Scoot over a bit will you? And hand me the little 
duck."

       "Sure, so you think Dottie the Duckie has something to 
do
       with it?"

       "Maybe, maybe not. But why would a man in his sixties 
brave a
       raging snowstorm just to get some milk and a box of
       Cheerios?"

       "Maybe he really liked Cheerios."

       "Or maybe he was psychically compelled to drive 
through a
       raging snowstorm to buy a box of cereal."

       "Mulder, you honestly want me to believe Freddie the 
Frog was
       'psychically compelled'? Dottie the Duckie used mental
       telepathy to get Freddie the Frog to buy some Cheerios 
and
       then burst into flames?"

       "One cannot conceive anything so strange and so 
implausible
       that it has not already been said by one philosopher 
or
       another. Or one little green froggie or an otter."

       "Descartes, right?"

       "Alex, you surprize me!"

       "Okay, I get that the duckie could have had something 
to do
       with it, but what about the soap, what does it 
represent?"

       "The soap?"

       "Yeah. Now where did that bar of soap go?"

       "Um, Alex, that's not the soap."

       "Oh, I know, Mulder."

       "Alex, um, Alex..."

       "Yeah?"

       "Remind me to never take another bath with you."

       "Okay, will do. But will you do something for me?"

       "Uh, um, wha, what?"

       "Remind me to ask the front desk if they have a room 
with a
       bigger tub."

       "Yeah, uh, uh, shu, sure."

       "Everything okay, Mulder?"

       "Sl, Slow down, Alex, I'm, um, um...I don't want to, 
to,
       um..."

       "Spontaneously combust?"

       "K, Krycek, when, um, when we get, um... When we get, 
get,
       get..."

       "Huh?"

       "When we get out of, oh, out of here, I'm gonna kick 
your
       ass."

       "Oh, I'm countin' on it, Mulder."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the end


by the lopsided weevil
http://members.tripod.com/~Lopsided