From: SueBeePhile@aol.com
Date: Fri, 13 Oct 2000 00:38:16 EDT
Subject: "Starting Now" by SueBee
Source: direct

Title: Starting Now
Author: SueBee
E-mail Address: SueBeePhile@aol.com
Rating: NC-17 for adult themes and
consensual sexual situations
Archive: Yes to Spooky's, Gossamer, and
anyone else who might want it.  If possible,
drop me a line and let me know where it is 
going.
Classification: MSR, RST, V, some A
Spoilers: SUZ/Closure, all things
Summary: Sequel to "Never Mine."
Life moves on, starting now.
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue
Feedback: Yes please! I love it!
Author's Notes: Thanks to Melly, cal, and 
Sister for beta services.
If you like this story, the rest of my fanfiction
can be found at my personal fanfiction site:
SueBee's X-Files Fanfiction
http://www.crosswinds.net/~suebeephile/

**************************************************


You don't say much in the car.  I wait for you to 
say something, anything, about what you saw in 
the woods, but you remain silent. The expression 
of wonder on your face keeps drawing my attention.  
What did you see that convinced you Samantha is 
dead?  I was prepared to console you, in case this 
were really true, but you don't look grief-stricken.  

You look relieved.

You said you were free.  I believe that now.  
You keep ducking your head to catch a view of 
the stars beyond the windshield. I look too. I half 
expect to see a ghost, or some message written 
in the sky, but I see nothing but stars.

I want to see what you see.

We pull into the motel without any progress in 
the conversation.  I don't want to press you for 
information, but being left out of the loop is driving 
me crazy.

What happened?

The engine is still running when I open the door.

"Mulder?"

This seems to snap you out of your reverie.  
You kill the engine and remove the keys.  My 
hand is on the door handle, but I'm not leaving if 
there is something you want to tell me.

I watch you and wait.

When you turn to face at me, I am amazed by
the look in your eyes.  You look like a mixture of a
man who's had the weight of the world lifted
from his shoulders and a boy who has just had every
birthday and Christmas wish come true.  

I am struck by the beauty of your expression.

"Mulder, what happened?"

You smile at me and squeeze my hand.  Still, 
you say nothing.  Minutes seem to tick by in the 
silence.  Your hand reaches up and caresses my 
cheek.  I lean into the warmth and the wonder of it, 
but you pull away too soon.

"Why don't you order some food and relax a bit?  
It's been a long day. I'll meet you in your room in 
about an hour, Scully. I have a few things to take 
care of, first."

I search your face for a hint of what you are thinking.
I see nothing but promise, but that is enough for me.
I nod and exit the car and chance a glance back at 
you.

You are looking at the stars again.

I nudge my way into my motel room and lean 
heavily against the closed door.  I saw promise in 
your eyes, and that promise might be meant for us.  
Starting now, we could be free to be happy together.  

I think of how many false starts you and I have had
as I undress for a quick shower.  I don't see anything 
stopping us now.  I smile and think about our future 
as the hot water washes away the past.

I feel invigorated after the shower and thank the
motel Gods that the hot water lasted long enough to 
rinse my hair.  I manage to button most of my pajama 
top and get a brush through my wet hair when you 
knock on the door.

I open the door quickly and stand aside so you can 
come in. You're still wearing the same clothes and 
that same expression from earlier.  I can't help but 
smile at you.

"Hi."

"Hey, Scully," you say, as you walk past me and 
sit on the bed. I try to look casual but the anticipation 
is killing me.  I decide to try my luck and sit next to 
you.

"So?"

You look confused for a moment.

"So?  Oh.  About what happened.  I know you are 
going to think I'm crazy, but something amazing 
happened when I walked into the woods."

I give you a look that lets you know that it never 
stopped me from listening to one of your stories 
before.  I fold my hands in my lap and wait.  You 
take this as a sign to begin and plunge head first 
into your tale of starlight.

After hearing you relate every detail, I'm at a loss 
for words.

"So, Scully, what do you think?"

I'm not sure what to think.

"I think that if you believe what you saw, then 
that should be enough for you."

You look at me like you expected me to say 
that.  I hate being so damned predictable to 
you.

"Scully, it is enough for me.  But, why can't 
you believe me?"

I believe that you believe.

"Mulder, you tell me a story of seeing all 
the lost children playing in a happy land of starlight 
and it sounds wonderful..."

"It was wonderful."

I continue, "...but how do you know any of it was 
real?"

"It was real because I saw it.  I saw Samantha.  She 
was there. I felt her in my arms and that is all I ever 
wanted.  I wanted to tell her good-bye and I got my 
chance.  No one can hurt her anymore. Samantha is 
free and so am I."

If this is what brought that look of wonder to your 
eyes, then I don't want to be the one to take it away 
from you.  I say something that shocks the both of 
us.

"Then, that's enough for me, Mulder.  I believe you."

"You believe me?"

I put my arms around you as proof for both of us.

"I believe you."

Your body sags against mine in relief.  Your arms 
wrap around my lower back in an effort to return the 
hug.  Tears sting my eyes as I realize that one way 
to help you become free, is to just let go.

Now, we can move on together.

I cradle your head in my hands so I can see your 
eyes. Now, I see what you see.  We both smile 
like idiots.

I lean down to kiss you softly.  I expect more of a 
response from you, but you only brush my lips with 
the faint touch of a butterfly's wing. You give me 
another quick hug and stand up.

"I talked to Skinner and told him that we would be 
back in the office tomorrow morning.  He says there 
is a new case waiting for us, so we should probably 
get some rest before we catch our flight."

You seemed to have slipped back into business mode, 
and I am trying to catch up with you without looking 
disappointed.

I thought you would be staying with me tonight.  
Looking at you now, I don't know what gave me that 
idea.

"Okay, Mulder, " I say as I look around the room.  
"I guess I should start packing then."

You stand there as if you are waiting for me to say 
something else, but I don't say anything.  What am 
I supposed to say?  You pause another moment 
before you open the door.

"Goodnight, Scully. Thanks."

I hear the door close and wonder if everything is 
beginning or ending.


**************************************************
TWO WEEKS LATER


I thought finding the truth about Samantha would
make you slow down a bit.  I was wrong.  We have 
been working harder than ever.  When one case closes, 
we immediately begin another one.

If I do one more autopsy this week, I am going to bring
a pillow down to the morgue and just sleep here.

Ectoplasm, my ass.  How can you confuse that with 
margarita mix?  The sad thing is, looking at the contents 
of this girl's stomach makes me wish I could have a mixed 
drink too.  Hell, I would settle for a glass of wine and a hot 
bath.  I feel bad, I smell worse, and I just want to go home.

You haven't said much since we returned from California.
Barring information on a case or an autopsy assignment,
our conversations have been brief.  We hardly discuss 
anything that doesn't pertain to work.

Strike that, I forgot that you just called to see if I would 
bring you lunch.  Sure.  Why not?  Don't I always do
what you ask?

As I finish up the autopsy on the poor Blair Witch party girl,
I wonder why it doesn't occur to me to say "no" to you and 
really mean it.

I continue to think about this when I clean up and lock the 
door behind me.  You found your freedom and moved on,
but where does that leave me?  For all that has changed,
I feel as if we are right back where we started.

Maybe it's time I start dealing with my own life for a change.

**************************************************

I'm actually proud of myself for not going with you to 
England. Maybe you'll miss me.  Maybe you'll see me as 
more than just your sidekick.  Maybe I'll get to take a bath.

Proud or not, why do I feel like the bad guy?

I decide not to worry about it when you figure out you
can still get my help over the phone.  At this point, I 
actually need to keep myself busy so I won't think 
about seeing Daniel today.

I wish I knew where things were going with us.  What
am I to you, Mulder?  Why did Daniel show up in my life
just as you decided to push me away?

I thought I knew where things were going, but I am more
confused than ever. You may need me, but he wants me.
Maybe, I stayed behind for a reason.  What scares me is 
that I don't think it has anything to do with you.

************************************************** 

All things happen for a reason, don't they?  
Everywhere I turn, I run into you, and in turn, find myself.  
Here we are back on your couch discussing choices.

It took me a while to realize that I gave up on Daniel a 
long time ago.  There are no more "what if's" with him.  
Those questions are squarely targeted at you now.

I made my choice, now you make yours.

What if you stop talking and kiss me?  What if I just 
get up and leave?

Before long, I'm too tired to even wonder about it.

**************************************************
A loud crash wakes me up with a start. My first 
thought is that you fell asleep driving again, until 
I realize we aren't in the car. I'm on the couch 
and you aren't here.

I hear a crunching sound and a muttered "Shit," come
from your bedroom.  I run in there to check on you and 
see you picking up the shards from a broken lamp.

"Mulder?  Are you okay?  Did you get cut?"

You smile a bit sheepishly at me.

"I'm sorry, Scully.  I was trying to be quiet, so you 
could sleep."

"Mulder, I don't think there is a quiet way to break 
a lamp."

You don't look amused.

"Actually, Scully, I was trying to unpack.  When I 
threw my bag over my shoulder, I accidentally hit 
the lamp."

I help you clean up the mess, and once everything 
is back in order, I put my shoes on, so I can leave.

You actually look surprised.

"Where are you going?"

"It's late, Mulder, I'm going home."

You put your hands on my shoulders to stop me.

"Scully, stay."

"Why?"

You give me another surprised expression.

"Do you need to ask?"

"Yes, Mulder, actually, I do."

You take your hands away from me and pace
around the room a bit.  Finally, you end up leaning 
on the bedroom door jamb.

"Do you still love him?"

"No."

Your eyes meet mine cautiously.

"Do you love me?"

I walk closer to you.

"Yes."

You look relieved.

"Then, why are you leaving?"

You first.

"Why do you want me to stay?"

I think you finally see what I'm getting at.
I hope an explanation is coming because I'm tired
of making up excuses for you.

You don't speak.  Not yet.  You take my head in your
hands and deliver one of the sweetest, softest kisses
I have ever had.

You pull back a few inches and look in my eyes.

You whisper, "What do you do once you get everything
you've ever wanted?"

I smile at you because it occurs to me that you really
are an idiot.

"That's simple, Mulder.  You continue to live...and you
do your best to enjoy it."

Your thumbs are making slow swirling patterns on 
my jawline.

"The world won't stop?"

Before our lips meet again, I respond, "Well, it might 
feel like it's going to slow down a little...."

"In that case, let's enjoy it, Scully, starting now."

I tip my head back as your lips capture mine.  I feel
myself swaying against you when you deepen our
kiss and your tongue traces mine.

I need this.

One of your hands reaches for the back of my
neck while the other pulls me closer at the waist.

Lord, let this be for real.

It seems as if you are reading my thoughts,
because you start walking backward to your 
bedroom, taking me with you.

You take both of my hands and gently tug, so I will 
follow you.  The room is dark, but I make out the
shadows and highlights of your face from the light
of the street lamp coming through your window.

The wind is blowing a tree branch against the pane 
of glass. It looks as if a storm might be coming.

I think that's an understatement.

You stand there and just stare at me a moment.  
My heart is thumping in my chest because I know 
you want me.  This is going to happen and there is 
no turning back from here.

I step out of my shoes and you smile a bit when
I become noticeably shorter.  I smile in return.  
How tall did you think I really was?

Your turn.

You look down as evidence that you aren't
wearing shoes.  You meet my eyes,
once again, and silently let me know it
is my turn again.

Oh my.  Here we go.

I get as far as undoing the buttons on my coat 
before you come to me and slide the material from
my body.  You toss the jacket on the bed and 
kneel before me.  You wrap your arms around my 
waist and press your head against my stomach.
I run my fingers though your hair and hold
you to me.

You look up at me for permission to continue.

Don't stop now.

Please.

I can feel the heat of your hands on my hips
as your fingers skim the waist of my skirt.
You find the zipper on the side and slide it down.
My breath catches when your hands touch bare 
skin. You push the fabric down and press your
lips against the soft flesh above my panties.  
My skin feels warm, but your lips feel even hotter.

My hands move to your shoulders in an 
unconscious grip when I feel your tongue.  

Lord, help me.

You push my skirt down my legs and 
I kick it away.  You nudge my legs apart
slightly and kiss the crease of my inner thigh.

I don't think I can stand up anymore.  I hold
on to you for balance as your tongue traces
the edge of where panties meet skin.
I feel your hot breath on me and my heartbeat
speeds up.  It sends an electric rush through 
my body.

This is the sweetest torture I've ever felt.
My body has turned to liquid. Your lips and 
tongue caress their way down my thigh 
while you pull my panties along the path.  
They soon join my skirt on the floor. 

God, this is happening.

My fingers gather up the fabric
of your shirt until I manage to work it
over your head.

You rise above me until we are both standing.
I reach up and feel the smooth expanse of
your shoulders and chest.  I glide my hands over
your stomach and watch your muscles tremble
at my touch.

I like that.

I work on getting your pants off of you
while you do the same with my sweater.
Soon, we are completely bare before each other.

The moment your naked body touches mine,
I am undone.  I reach for you and you guide me to 
the bed.

Your lips cover mine as we make a slow descent
to the mattress.  I explore the sweetness of your 
mouth with my tongue and gasp when I feel the 
wonderful weight of your body on top of me.  
When I break free to cry out, you nip and suck 
the slope of my neck.  

Your shoulders feel so hard and strong under 
my hands.  I urge you on.  I squeeze and pull and 
plead with my sighs.

Touch me.

I can feel you. You feel hot and hard against 
me and it only makes me ache for more. You feel 
perfect.   I can't wait to feel more.  It has to be
now.  Let it be now.

I open my legs and invite you inside.

We are both panting with need.

You look into my eyes for permission
already granted.  

"Yes, now."

Oh, God.  

You fill me in one deep thrust and we 
both stop to revel in the glorious sensation.

Finally, finally....

You rock against me and I move in time with
each push and every pull.  We drive against
each other over and over.

I wrap my legs around your lower back and pull 
you deeper.

God, yes.

You are moving deeper and faster now and I am 
with you on every stroke and thrust of our bodies.

My body is humming against yours as I hear you
call out my name.  I feel you expand as I contract 
aroundyou.

ThankyouThankyouThankyou...........

We stay coupled together even after our release.  
I can't bear to let go of you and you won't leave me.

Moments later, after our hearts and breaths have 
calmed somewhat, we gently slide away from each 
other only to come back together again.

I turn toward you and smile at the expression on 
your face. Once again, it is filled with wonder.

"What is it, Mulder?"

"We finally have our time, don't we?"

I kiss you deeply and stroke your hair.

"Yes, Mulder, we finally do."

You trace the outline of my mouth as you say,
"I love you, Scully."

"Mulder, I love you...so much."

You look serious and then grin a bit.

"What?"

You kiss the tip of my nose and whisper,

"Good, because I have a confession.
I broke the lamp so you would wake up."



The End