From: formysunshineboy Date: 6 Feb 2004 15:37:17 -0800 Subject: xfc: Stay by shawntaw Source: atxc Title: Stay Author: shawntaw Rating: PG Spoilers: Post - TINH, AU from there. Summary: Scully wants to follow Mulder. She almost does. Inspired by a song. *flinching* Does that make it a song-fic? Sorry this isn't the next installment of "Flight," but this one wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. Feedback at shawntaw@hotmail.com ************************************************************************************** "Scully?" The sound of feet scuffing the floor..an insecure sound. She did not turn her head. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you, alright?" A touch on her hand. A smell of familiar cologne. Skinner. She didn't flinch. "Dana?" A tear trickled from her eye, burned its way down the side of her face. Still she stared out the window. "Dana, don't do this. Don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to the baby." The touch on her hand turned to gentle stroking and she felt a hand brush her hair. "Your mother will be here soon, alright? Its going to be ok." The voice got closer. She could feel breath on her ear. Whispering. "I won't let anything happen to you or the baby, Dana. Do you hear me? On my life." A small shake of her shoulders and then, fiercely, harshly - "On. my. life." A muted, repressed sob. She almost turned her head, but lost the motivation before the thought fully formed. She couldn't bring herself to care about someone else's sadness. She wanted to withdraw so tightly into herself that she wasn't here anymore. *I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here...* "I'm so sorry, Dana. This is my fault. I can't- I just don't know how to make it right." He was falling apart. But she didn't care. She was drawing her mind to a white-hot point. A quick brush of a caress across the top of her head again and then the receding, plodding footsteps of someone who carried a great weight. She did not turn her head. She did not care. ************************************************************************************************* They were standing in the rain. He was laughing and juggling their luggage and she was trying to open an umbrella. They got soaking wet as they raced into her building, but the umbrella suddenly popped open in the entryway. Both of them broke up and in that moment, he took her breath away. Droplets of water slid from his blackened hair and off the end of his nose. He was smiling that goofy, toothy grin at her. His hazel eyes sparked. He reached out with long, elegant, warm *warm!* hands to push back a piece of wet hair that had plastered itself to her face. "I'll never leave you." *What? He didn't say that-* And then she awoke. *************************************************************************************************** *But it wasn't like that. He reached out and I invited him up for a cup of hot tea. I remember the case we were coming home from...* She was sitting in the hospital bed, shivering. ************************************************************************************************** "Dana, baby, you have to eat something." Her mother was trying to get her to eat again. At least it wasn't Skinner. His deep sadness and self-recrimination were the only things that tempted her back to this world, and she didn't want to be here. She was busy trying to will herself away, but noone would leave her alone. Her mother kept visiting, even though Scully never looked at her. She spent her days sleeping or being drawn to the small, barred window. She pictured herself as a bird in flight. "Dana, they're threatening to put in a feeding tube if you don't eat more. You have more than just yourself to think about, you know." Her mother was trying to be gentle, but sounded exasperated. Her mother was scared. There was the clink of a spoon. A chair scrapped the floor and she could hear her mother pacing. "I'm going to say things you may not want to hear, young lady, but someone's got to say them." A pause, and against her will, she was curious. "Are you trying to kill Fox's - Mulder's - baby?" Scully's eyes flew around to her meet her mother's. Aghast. Her mother's mouth drew into a grim smile. "There you are. If you continue this way, you will succeed in killing yourself, Dana Katherine, but don't you for a moment forget that you are also killing his child. The last piece of him you'll ever have." Scully's breath began to come faster and faster until she thought she'd hyperventilate. "If he was standing here right now, what would you say to him? What would he say if he saw you this way?" She shook her head. No, her mother didn't understand. If she could just leave here, then she could live with him and the baby too... But she knew that wasn't the way it worked. Scully crumpled and hit the floor in a heap. ************************************************************************************************** The lamplight was making his hair shine and she couldn't stop looking at him. He was sitting on a motel bed, folders strewn about him, his head bent over his notes. The chocolate crown of his hair softly glowed from the small nighttable lamp. His fingers placed a sunflower seed between his teeth and his brow was furrowed in concentration. He blinked suddenly, reached up with his other hand and pinched the bridge of his nose. Looking up, he saw her staring. That beautiful, crooked smile began to bloom. She heard his achingly familiar sandpaper-silk voice. "I'll never leave you." *************************************************************************************************** "He didn't say that...he said, 'Hey, Scully? Could you get my glasses out of my bag?" Her eyes weren't open yet. The bed she lay on tipped with someone's weight as they sat upon it. A warm hand took hers. "What did you say, Scully?" Skinner was back. She opened her eyes and looked directly into his. He looked terrible. A small, surprised smile fluttered across his lips. "Hi." She could tell he couldn't think of anything else to say. "I said, He said, 'Heyscullycouldyougetmyglassesoutofmybag'" She said it as fast as she could and her throat was sore as though she'd been screaming, even though she hadn't spoken in days. Skinner frowned. "Who said that?" She stared at him. She couldn't say his name. Not yet. Skinner seemed to understand and his hand rubbed comfortingly up and down her arm. "How are you feeling?" She said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm so tired of being here." His eyes closed painfully and he nodded. "I know." She watched him swallow. "Please stay," he said simply and opened his eyes again. A tear followed a familiar track down the side of her face. She knew there would be only one. "Please stay," he repeated in a harsh voice, now gripping her hand. "For the baby." His tortured eyes closed for a moment behind his wirerims. "For me. Let me help you." Scully felt her own eyes fill with tears. To her amazement, she began to cry. To wail. To mourn. Skinner held her hand tightly. He wasn't letting her leave. She decided to stay. *************************************************************************************************** The song that inspired the fic. Feedback at shawntaw@hotmail.com "My Immortal" by Evanescence I'm so tired of being here suppressed by all my childish fears and if you have to leave I wish that you'd just leave because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears and I've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me You used to captivate me by your resonating light but now I'm bound by the life you left behind your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears and I've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me I've tried so hard to tell myself that your gone and though you're still with me I've been alone all along