From: lynx mulderite Date: Mon, 04 May 1998 03:31:32 +0000 Subject: CORRECTED: Stream of Subconsciousness Oops - the first time it came out with "smart apostrophes" - sorry. Hope it works this time. :-) ************ Okay to archive (with my name attached) - if anyone wants it. Title: "Stream of Subconsciousness" Author: lynx mulderite Rating: R (for language) Spoilers: Pine Bluff Variant Classification: VA (R) Summary: What's going through Mulder's mind on his way to the execution. Disclaimer: Everyone belongs to Chris Carter and FOX. Even me. Notes: Watching gorgeous,stoic Mulder walk to his probable death gave me that final shove over the brink - so here's my first fanfic. ************ Stream of Subconsciousness This is it? What is that white plastic shit? What is this place? Wooden rafters, plastic sheeting? This is the end? I die here? I die for some cockamamie terrorist bullshit garbage? Should have known. Should have known it wasn't going to work - once they made me go to the bank. Dracula. Fitting. Long building. Can I turn around and kick the gimp? Try something? Should I? Why should I? Why is this any worse a way to die than ...than trying to fight some crazy intergalactic war? What's my life worth anyway? Long walk. It's been a long walk down a short pier. A long walk in the woods. Into the woods. A nice trip to the woods. Scully. Hey Scully - I'm in a very dark place, Scully. Now would be a nice time to come to the rescue. Sure. No rescue. This is the end, my friend. My friend, my very good friend. My only friend. Don't cry for me Argen...Teena... Don't cry for me Scully... Don't cry for me. I'll cry for you. I'll cry tomorrow. No tomorrow. Who gives a shit? Who cares? She cares. She cares. Oh God, kneel. Trite. What can I do? Nothing? War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. There's nothing left for me...but you. But she. SCULLLLLLEEEEEE. She cares. Upstairs, repairs the flares, it blares, she stares. And stares and I don't answer. And she doesn't say anything and we haven't talked in weeks and I'm going to die and she won't know. Won't know. She won't know. Knees are wet, should have worn leather pants. Would have gone nicely with the outfit. Natty. Nat-tee. Par-tay. Oh fuck! Oh fuck. Scully, no party. No party. No anything. Not right. This isn't right. Shouldn't end this way ...without telling, without seeing, without you. Keeping her out of my mind. Go away Scully, don't be here when I'm dyin'. Don't be in my head. Don't be here for this. Don't see me. Don't see me dead. Don't come find me, don't find my body. Don't come please. Stay away. I don't want you to really find my body, my head blown away. Once was enough. I thought about killing myself, I would have. I would have done it - but ...but what they did to you. But you're fine, aren't you Scully? You're fine now? You'll be fine now. You'll be free. Don't find me. You can run away. Get away. You don't have to worry about these idiots. They're just crappy terrorists - no big truth here. No need to avenge my death, Scully. Let it lie. Lie. Lies. Lies within lies...What did he mean? The information was right...right? Why would they do that? Why would Justice do that? Give them all the right info? Let it go so far? Let them spray the money. Hell, who knew? Who knew? Decoy. Lies within lies? Not the right info? More than the right info? In fo a penny, in fo a pound. Of flesh. Flesh. Flesh and bones. Flesh, creamy white flesh. Oh Scully. I do want you here. Want you. Always wanted you. Always. Fuck. Dying for nothing. Money for nothing and the chicks for free....Money, they didn't want the money. Shoulda known. Why would they do that, kill people like that? Why kill more? If not for money then for what? Should ask. Should talk. Should make some snappy remark. Fuck. If those are my last words I can do better. Krycek. What *were* you saying, you dark eyed Russian bastard who I should have killed back when I had the chance except that Scully shot me in the shoulder and took me to New Mexico and then a I died there. And now I'll die here and the War of the Worlds will take place without me. The revolution will not be televised. The revolution will not be televised. Wonder if the bank robbery was televised. Now appearing in the role of Dracula, that well known vampire fucker, Fox Mulder. Who doesn't know what he believes. Except that someone is spreading some plague. Another plague? Smallpox, black oil, engineered biotoxin....So many different plagues, on both your houses. A plague on both your houses. All those fucking plagues on your house. Our house. Is a very very very fine house. With two cats in the yard....Oh Scully. No house. Whose plague? The Russians? The government? The Consortium the aliens the cigarette smoking man. They're all in it together. And we'll all go down together. Together, forever, you'll stay in my heart forever I'll love you and ....Glad you're not going down with me this time, Scully. Although down on me would have been nice. A nice thought. And I'd go down on you and this is very undignified. Hey, I'm dying in the line of duty - so my equestrian statue will have both front legs up, rearing...Rearing. Hearing. Blevins. Lies within lies. The whole fucking government is lies within lies. Maybe, maybe....nah...lies within lies within ...it lies within..she lies within ...she lies within my heart. Oh shit, Scully. This is it. They're gonna...this is it. Fuck. Fuck me. Love me. Love me. Love you. I love you. What the fuck? What the hell? Not dead. Get away? Another mole. A real mole. He really was a mole? Then who? Then for whom? Run. Gotta run. Run run run run runaway.... -- OK - that's it. Feedback - if it's not too harsh - is invited. lynx mulderite lynx46@erols.com