From: "Satch X" Date: Fri, 13 Sep 2002 16:41:40 +0000 Subject: NEW: Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of Source: direct Title: Stuck In a Moment You Can't Get Out Of Author: Satch Category: A Mulder POV Spoilers: Everything up to the Closure 2-parter Summary: So this is what freedom feels like Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I'm not making any money, don't bother suing me - all you'll get is a backpack! The song "Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of" doesn't belong to me either, it belongs to U2 Feedback: is very welcome and proudly printed out, and *constructive* criticism is appreciated too :) xsatch@hotmail.com Dedication: this is for anyone who's ever been through a rough patch in their lives, particularly anyone who's been stuck in a bad moment xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "I'm just trying to find a decent melody A song that I can sing in my own company I never thought you were a fool But darling, look at you You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight These tears are going nowhere, baby You've got to get yourself together You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it Don't say that later will be better now you're stuck in a moment And you can't get out of it" - U2, 'Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx STUCK IN A MOMENT YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF Shaking furniture. Unearthly lights. My sister screaming as she floats out of the window and out of my life. The fear of a sinister force I can't explain and the guilt of not saving Samantha. I've been stuck in that exact same moment ever since I was twelve years old. I am a man now, at least on the outside; but on the inside I'm still twelve years old, still cowering helplessly in a corner while my sister is ripped out of my life by a mysterious and sinister force. I was haunted by the unremembered moment all through my adolescence. The most frustrating thing, though, was that in my post-Samantha childhood I could never remember that moment; it hung over me all through my adolescence and early manhood like a snake looming over its prey. I knew the predator was there because of the cold shadow it cast over me, but until I was 29 I could never see the actual snake for the shadows. Then Dr Heitz Werber came along and shone a light on the shadows of my mind. Sixteen years after the actual abduction of my sister, I was finally able to see clearly the exact moment that my life got stuck in. It was both a relief and a torment to have those memories. Once I had the memories, they kept playing themselves over and over in my head, with or without my permission. If my mind was a CD player and memories the CD collection, the memory of my sister's abduction was the track it kept repeating, and I was not in control the CD player. I am still trapped in the guilt of my past, and it drives me on to find the Truth. On my first case with Agent Dana Scully, I told her about the discordant song of guilt that keeps on playing in my head. I told her about Samantha, how she'd disappeared into that hideous, unearthly light. Scully chose of her own free will to join my quest for the truth. Whilst the memory of the moment that changed my life played itself just as loudly in my head as before, Scully was willing to keep me company throughout the noise. It still tortured my mind, but it was no longer the only tune in my troubled head. Maybe it's cruel and heartless to say this, but sometimes I wish that I had found Samantha amongst John Lee Roche's victims, if only to free myself from the moment I've been trapped in since I was twelve. My memories are like hungry snakes, constantly hissing at me, tormenting me, and refusing to take anything other than first place in my priorities. The memory snakes form the bars of the cage that imprisons me. I yearn to be free of that cage. My Mom just died a few days ago. Suicide, Scully told me. I didn't want to believe that my own mother would choose to leave me alone in the world without any family, but I had to accept it as the truth eventually. They say that the truth sets you free, but that particular truth just added more snakes of guilt to the bars of my cage. But tonight, I realised that maybe the cosmos doesn't hate me. Tonight I finally saw my sister. The memory snakes fell away like pieces of straw in the wind as I embraced my truth, and I was finally able to step outside my cage of guilt. The memory snakes still reside in my head, but I am no longer a prisoner of the memory snakes. I am finally free. END "And if the night runs over And if the day won't last And if your way should falter Along the stony pass It's just a moment This time will pass" -- U2, 'Stuck In A Moent You Can't Get Out Of" Please tell me what you thought:) xsatch@hotmail.com Title: Stuck In a Moment You Can't Get Out Of "You've got to get yourself together You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it Don't say that later will be better now you're stuck in a moment And you can't get out of it" - U2, 'Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of' I've been stuck in that exact same moment ever since I was twelve years old. I am a man now, at least on the outside; but on the inside I'm still twelve years old, still cowering helplessly in a corner while my sister is ripped out of my life by a mysterious and sinister force. I was haunted by the unremembered moment all through my adolescence. The most frustrating thing, though, was that in my post-Samantha childhood I could never rememberthat moment; it hung over me all through my adolescence and early manhood like a snake looming over its prey. i knew the predator was there because of the cold shadow it cast over me, but until I was 29 I could never see the actual snake for the shadows. Then Dr Heitz Werber came along and shone a light on the shadows of my mind. Sixteen years after the actual abduction of my sister, I was finally able to see clearly the exact moment that my life got stuck in. It was both a relief and a torment to have those memories. Once I had the memories, they kept playing themselves over and over in my head, with or without my permission. If my mind was a CD player and memories the CD collection, the memory of my sister's abductionwas the track it kept repeating, and I was not in control the CD player. I am still trapped in the gui;t of my past, and it drives me on to find the Truth. On my first case with Agent Dana Scully, I told her about the dicordant song of guilt that keeps on playing in my head. I told her about Samantha, how she'd disappeared into that hideous, unearthly light. Scully chose of her own free will to join my quest for the truth. Whilst the memory of the moment that changed my life played itself just as loudly in my head as before, Scully was willing to keep me company throughout the noise. It still tortured my head, but it was no longer the only tune in my troubled head. Maybe it's cruel and heartless to say this, but sometimes I wish that I had found Samantha amongst John Lee Roche's victims, if only to free myself from the moment I've been trapped in since I was twelve. My memories are like hungry snakes, constantly hissing at me, tormenting me, and refusing to take anything other than first place in my priorities. The memory snakes form the bars of the cage that imprisons me. I yearn to be free of that cage.