From: stormlantern Date: 31 Oct 2003 01:38:34 -0800 Subject: REPOST: Sufferin' Cyberslash!!! (Humor/MSR) by stormlantern Source: atxc From: stormlantern1013@yahoo.com Title: Sufferin' Cyberslash!!! Keyword:MSR implied, humor Spoilers: "Fight The Future". It'd help if you've seen the film recently. Author's Note: I don't often write like this. Only when I'm provoked. ******************************************************************************** (THE SCENE IS THE HIDEY-HOLE OF THOSE BANDITS OF THE BANDWIDTH, THE LONE GUNMEN. FROHIKE IS READING THE LATEST ISSUE OF "WIRED", WHILE LANGLY IS AT HIS COMPUTER TERMINAL SURFING THE NET) LANGLY: Holy sh*t! Mulder's gonna flip out when he sees this! FROHIKE: Sees what? LANGLY: This fanfic I'm reading. Mulder's in it. FROHIKE: People are writing stories about Mulder? LANGLY: Yeah, and get this - in these stories, Mulder is gay! FROHIKE: Mulder is gay?! Hell, he's not even cheerful. LANGLY: I'm talking about his sexual orientation, you dipwad. FROHIKE: Mulder is Chinese? LANGLY: Crap, you know what I mean - FROHIKE: Yeah, yeah, I know - hsst, here he comes! (BYERS, MULDER AND SCULLY WALK INTO THE ROOM. BYERS GOES OVER TO LANGLY WHILE MULDER AND SCULLY SIT DOWN ON WHAT PASSES FOR A COUCH.) MULDER: (to LANGLY) Anything interesting going on in your webby little window on life? LANGLY: Um, yeah...I was just reading some fanfic... SCULLY: "Fanfic"? FROHIKE: Yeah, it's fiction posted on the web by unpaid authors. Usually they write about tv shows, movie characters, and so on. But sometimes they write about real people, or in this case, Mulder. MULDER: What? LANGLY: Yeah, looks like your reputation has reached the Net, Mulder. There are stories in here about you. Some of them are REAL interesting. SCULLY: They can't be fiction, then. MULDER: Wait a minute, what kind of stories? LANGLY: Well, the one I'm reading here is about you and your significant other... MULDER: (glances at SCULLY) Oh? SCULLY: Guess they're fiction after all. MULDER: Is it hot? LANGLY: Oh, yeah, there's this VERY steamy scene where you're locked in a passionate embrace with... SCULLY: HEY! LANGLY: ...Krycek. SCULLY: KRYCEK? MULDER: KRYCEK?!? BYERS: Good Lord! What kind of fiction IS that? LANGLY: It's called slashfic. MULDER: I don't care what it's called! Why would anyone think I'd be interested in KRYCEK? LANGLY: Well, apparently some people see some electricity between you two... MULDER: "Electricity", huh? Well, my current doesn't flow in that direction. SCULLY: This is weird. LANGLY: Not as weird as some of the stuff that's out there about you, Mulder. I've even come across some bestiality... MULDER: Listen, I'm DEFINITELY not interested in Frohike! FROHIKE: HEY! MULDER: Listen, Langly, are these slashfic people the same bunch you told me write stuff about Captain Kirk getting it on with Spock? LANGLY: Yep. They've gone where no man has gone before, Mulder... MULDER: I hope that's not what people meant when they said I'm the new William Shatner... BYERS: Hey, you know, actually that's a good analogy...you and Scully are a lot like Kirk and Spock...you're emotional, Mulder, and Scully's logical... LANGLY: Except she hasn't got pointy ears. MULDER: No, just pointy - SCULLY: HEY! MULDER: (to SCULLY) It's that damned bee's fault, you know. Although we could settle this right now if you'll - SCULLY: Mulder, using someone to prove your sexual orientation is beneath you. MULDER: Any position you like. SCULLY: Mulder..! (KNOCK ON DOOR. FROHIKE GOES OVER AND PEERS THROUGH THE PEEPHOLE) FROHIKE: Christ, it's Krycek! MULDER: I don't suppose whupping his little pansy ass would prove anything either. SCULLY: No, but if I did, it might. MULDER: Save it for Howard Stern, Scully. KRYCEK: (through door) MULDER! I know you're in there!!! MULDER: Oh, christ. I can't stand that rodent. You guys gotta help me. Give him a decoy. LANGLY: What can we do? MULDER: Strip Byers naked. BYERS: HEY!!! ******************************************************************************** Author Dedication: To the gang at the Haven, especially those with a sense of humor (as opposed to certain moderators). You know who you are. ;)