Date: Mon, 4 Dec 2000 11:13:41 -0500
From: Gillian Taylor <usstrustno1@hotmail.com>
Subject: NEW: Superhero by Gillian Taylor

Title: Superhero
Author: Gillian Taylor
Email: usstrustno1@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Category: V, R, A
Spoilers: En Ami
Keywords: MSR, Scully/Mulder Angst
Feedback: Loved, cherished, and responded
to.
Summary: She couldn't be his superhero
forever.

Archive:  Gossamer, Ephemeral,
anywhere.  Just drop me a line so
I can stare at it for a few hours.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I can lay no claim to the
characters from the X-Files.  If I could, I
would die a happy woman.  Mulder and Scully
belong to Ten Thirteen Productions and I'm
only borrowing them for my own perverse
enjoyment.

Author's notes: Join me as we return to the
season of before, where Mulder has yet to be
abducted, and things are far more than they
seem between our two favorite Fibbies.

"Superhero"
by Gillian Taylor

Thunder rumbled in the distance, promising
rain to the sun drenched soil of Washington
DC.  She watched the rain clouds build
themselves into towering spirals as they
rushed towards the capitol, but her mind was
not on the promised deluge.  Instead, it
dwelt upon the man that had entered her life
seven years before.  The same man who waited
behind her, asking her for explanations that
she was not sure that she could give him.

How could she explain something that she did
not understand herself?  How could she tell
him why she chose to go with the devil?  How
could she tell him that she did it as much
for him as for herself?  This was not some
strange urge to leave him to face his quest
alone.  This was as much Her quest as it was
his.  She just had to find the answers to
Cancer Man's questions on her own.  But how
could she make him see?

"Why?" he asked, his voice a mere breath in
the room, "Why did you trust him?  You could
have been killed."

Suddenly, her eyes flashed, echoing the
lighting from the storm that was drawing
ever closer.  She would not let him talk to
her like this, putting more guilt on her
shoulders.  Somehow, she longed to have him
wrap his arms around her and promise that it
would be alright.  But she pushed that
thought away, now was not the time.  "Damnit
Mulder, I won't let you do this to me.  I
will not have you putting MORE on my
shoulders than there already is.  I made a
mistake, but it was MY mistake to make."
The words were harsh on her lips, each
spitting fire.

"No it wasn't," he said, his head shaking as
he approached her.

"Why not?" she asked, turning from the view
to meet his gaze.

"Because we're partners.  Because we don't
keep secrets like this from each other.
Because we count on each other to watch our
backs.  Damnit, Scully, I KNOW what you
thought you were going after but you never
even THOUGHT to ask me.  You never even let
me come with you.  That doesn't anger me,
Scully, it just disappoints me," he said,
and his soulful eyes reflected each of the
emotions his words described.

"How easily is that forgotten?" she said,
regretting her words almost as soon as they
left her mouth.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, punctuating
his eyes' hurt and anger, "That wasn't
fair."

"No?  You're not being fair either, Mulder.
You're telling me to stop being like you.
What makes it alright when you do it?  Why
do you have this double standard wherein you
can do whatever you damn well please and I
can't?  I won't stand for this."

He felt a tightening in his gut as a worm of
fear moved in his stomach.  She could be
leaving him, he realized with shock.  Though
she should have left a dozen lifetimes ago,
before he screwed up her life, her body, and
the lives of her family.  Yet a selfish part
of him screamed for him to do something,
anything, to keep her with him.

"No, Mulder," Scully said with a short shake
of her head, reading him easily, "I'm not
leaving you.  This is my journey as much as
it is yours.  And I will see it to its end.
I just don't want you to think that you can
keep this double standard forever.  I'm just
as human as you are."

'No, Scully,' he longed to tell her, 'you're
more than human.  You're better than me, so
much better, and when you're gone I'm
nothing.'  But he kept silent, the myriad
thoughts rushing through his mind remained
unspoken.  Sometimes he was just as
frightened of her leaving as he was of
telling her that he loved her, "Scully..."

"Sometimes I don't think you realize that,"
she said softly, almost to herself as she
closed herself off once again from her
emotions.  She couldn't be his superhero
forever.

Lightening flashed in the skies, lighting
the apartment with its harsh glare.
Mulder's face shown in sharp relief to the
darkness around him, the light playing
across his angular features for a moment
before the half darkness obscured his face
from her once again.

He came closer in the darkness and she could
almost see his hazel eyes, "No, you're not
just human, Scully.  You're far more than
that.  I just...you're my touchstone, my
bedrock, my anchor...and without you, I'd
probably be blown away in the wind.  I just
don't want to lose you."

He had spoken such words to her before,
words said in times of stress or fear to
keep her at his side.  Beautiful words all
the same, but it was not what she wanted or
needed from him.  Not now, not like this,
and not after all this time.  She tilted her
head to meet his eyes, and in an instant she
could see the emotions playing behind his
gaze.

She felt fear.  There were emotions in him
that she shared, those emotions that she
kept sealed behind a steel door in her
heart.  Each second she stared into his eyes
that door began to crack open, releasing
more and more of who and what she was...and
it released the part of her that was his and
his alone.  Scully struggled to regain what
measure of control she had left, before she
lost herself in him.

"No, Scully.  Not now, not anymore," he said
harshly, his hand reaching up to gently
caress her cheek, "Don't hide from me."

Her eyes drifted shut as she leaned her head
into his hand, releasing a small sigh.  His
hand left her cheek to be replaced by his
warm lips as he kissed a trail to her mouth
where she returned his kiss with a fervor
that surprised her.  Perhaps she never had
control...perhaps that control was the true
illusion.

When they pulled away from each other, the
rain had begun to pound against the windows
in a staccato beat that was in perfect
harmony with the pounding of their hearts.
They had taken a step in that kiss, and now
there was no going back.

Mulder searched her eyes for any signs of
regret, but instead of that feared emotion
he saw her.  The real her, the one that she
kept locked away far within her soul that he
had but few times to touch.  He saw love
glowing in that heady regard and he knew
that it was returned in his own eyes.

"No more hiding, Mulder.  No more regrets.
And no more superheroes," Scully whispered to
him.

And in the next flash of lighting, they both
smiled in mutual accord.

~*FIN*~

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