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  This author's e-mail address has changed to: xanaduxf@yahoo.com
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***DISCLAIMER***: All "X-Files" elements and references
in this story belong to Fox Broadcasting, Chris Carter,
and 1013 Productions, and I am making no money from it.

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Talk
by shannono
shannono@iname.com


Distribution: Okay for Xemplary; I'm sending it to Gossamer;
others, please ask first. :)

Rating: PG

Classification/keywords: Vignette, Mulder POV, minor angst, 
some humor ... oh, and the "L" word, so Mulder/Scully UST

Spoilers: Vague Season Six

Summary: Mulder has a little talk with Scully.

Author's notes: Just so no one gripes, I'm going with the 1993 
date for the pilot again. If 1013 can do it, so can I! <g>

Thanks: To Brandon, Paulette, Robbie, and Sara, for keeping me 
on the straight and narrow ... so to speak. ;)

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Talk
by shannono


Scully, we need to talk.

Yeah, I know we don't really talk all that often, unless we're
stuck with each other and no other form of entertainment. Which
actually happens pretty regularly, now that I think about it ...

Sorry. I know I'm a little disjointed about this. But I really
think we need to talk.

Scully, how long have we been partners now, almost seven years?
Well, I mean, not counting when they shut us down ... you know
what I mean. It's been almost seven years now since they sent
you to spy on me. I know, I know, I don't mean that you actually
*did* that; quit interrupting and let me finish, would you?

Anyway ... we've been partners for seven years, or close enough.
And a lot's happened in those seven years. I don't think either
of us is anything close to the same people we were then. That's
part of what I want to talk about.

We've changed, Scully. Both of us. A lot. When we first started
working together, I was arrogant and self-centered and sarcastic.
Don't look at me like that; I know I still can be that way. But
it's not my whole life any more. And I've never thanked you for
that.

No, don't put me off, Scully. I'm going to say this, and you're
going to listen. I'm a different person now because of you. I 
told you once that you make me a whole person, and I wasn't 
talking about your science. I was talking about *you*. You have
taught me that I don't have to be the grand, mythical, martyred
hero, alone on my noble quest. I may not always show it, Scully,
but I know you're always there, and I love you for that.

Don't look so shocked that I said it, Scully. It's not like I
haven't said it before; I can't help it that you felt you had
to convince yourself it was the drugs talking. Of course I love
you, Scully, just like I know you love me. I may not believe
that's the best thing for you to do, but I don't think you can
stop it anymore than I can, and I can't stop it at all.

But that's not what I wanted to say, Scully, or at least, not
the main point of what I wanted to say, so just let that go for
now. We'll get back to it later, I promise.

What I wanted to say, Scully, is that you and I have been
together, as partners and as friends, for a long time now. We
don't talk all that much, but that's only been a problem a few
times, because we know each other so well anyway. You know I
tend to get involved in our cases too deeply, and I know you
tend to hide your true feelings about them. That's just who we
are, and it's one of the things about us that hasn't changed
all that much.

Well, let me qualify that a little. You've changed somewhat in
that regard, because you work much, much harder now to keep
anyone else from knowing how you really feel. You hide behind
the ubiquitous "I'm fine" and get on with it.

But I know, Scully. Even when you say you're fine, I know you're
not. I don't press you on it, most of the time, because most of
the time I know that even when you're not fine you will be soon.
You're resilient, Scully, more so than me, because I still tend
to absorb so much guilt over everything.

Yeah, I know I do that. But just because I know I do it doesn't 
mean I can change it, not that easily. It's gotten to be a habit
for me, and bad habits are the hardest to break.

Scully, are you trying to distract me on purpose? Listen, why
don't you just sit right there and let me finish, and then we
can go back over anything you don't like or don't understand.
Okay?

Okay.

Anyway. As I was saying, we've known each other for nearly seven
years, and in that time, we've come to know each other very well.
That has been mainly a result of simple time and circumstance,
however; we have made very little effort to learn about each
other. We don't talk, as I've said already. We don't spend much
time together away from work, probably because we spend so much
time together *at* work. I know we both need a certain amount of
time apart, either alone or with friends and family. We can't be
together 24 hours a day, not the way things stand; to tell the
truth, I think one of us would end up strangling the other.

That's what I want to talk about, Scully. Not spending 24 hours
a day together, but spending more time with each other away from
work. Learning to be around each other in our off-hours without
ending up mad at each other.

I'm going to be honest here, Scully. I said I love you, and
that's the truth, but I also *like* you, Scully. I like the
person you are; I like your intelligence and your wit. The few
times we *have* talked on a personal level, we've turned out
to have a lot in common, things that wouldn't be apparent on
the surface. But we've never explored that, never tried to
really be *friends*.

I mean, we are friends, Scully, but it's our own special
definition of friendship. We rely on each other, more than I
think either of us would ever admit, and we know each other
better than anyone else knows us. But we don't talk like friends
should, and we don't spend time together like friends do. And I
think we should. That's part of what's changed so much over the
past seven years, Scully. We have so few people these days we
can truly count on, and almost none who know the things we
know ...

Jesus, I'm making this sound like relationship-by-default, and
that's not what I mean at all. I guess I said it best, Scully,
when I said that I genuinely like you, and I'd like to spend
more time with you away from work.

Yeah, that's it. That's the gist of it. That's what I've been
trying to say.

Oh, and the love? Well, that's still there, of course, has been
for a long time. But that's not what I'm concerned about now.
I'd just like to try being friends, *real* friends, and see how
that goes. Anything past that, well, we'll cross that bridge
when we come to it. Okay?

Good. I'm glad we had this little talk, Scully; it's helped me
clear up a few things. And that should help, I hope.

Because when I actually get to your place to talk to you, I'd
like to make more sense than I did for the past half-hour
talking to myself.