From: "Chicken Girl" Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2001 07:22:38 -0000 Subject: Story Source: direct Title: Tears Author: SnoopyX Classification: Story Spoilers: Redux II Summary: Mulder takes some time to let it all out Disclaimer: Alright here it goes, God created Earth, then God created Chris Carter, who in turn created Mulder and Scully and 1013 productions....why does everyone else get the good ideas? Archive: Gossamer, anywhere else PLEASE,PLEASE tell me...okay? Alright Ladies and Gentlemen, this is one of my first fanfics so please be gentle. Well here ya go: Mulder held the blood-spatterd photo between his hands. He cradled it as he would a small child, afraid that at any moment it would break and be lost to him forever. A burning began in the back of his eyes and he knew that the tears threatened fall. He wouldn't allow them to. Not with Scully's brother nearby. That was the last thing he needed now, was that guy telling him how selfish it would be to be crying for himself. But still the sense of loss burned, forever leaving its mark on his fragile soul. Not just the loss of his sister, but the near loss of his other half, Scully. He had nearly lost her, and he made a silent pledge that this would be the last time he would ever let her linger so close to death. But still, the more he fought, the more of a losing battle it became, and a few whisper tears descended the mountain that was his face. He had betrayed his calm exterior, and quickly fought to regain control as the door to Scully's room slowly opened. Maggie Scully, emerged from the room, a small, grateful smile carresing her lips. She let out a tiny sigh, lost in thought. Mulder quickly cleared his throat and nose and made to wipe away his tears. Maggie Scully, hearing him compose himself, looked to him concerned as Mulder made his desperate attempt to appear that everything was fine. He wuickly ditched the photo under his right thigh as Maggie sat next to him. "Fox, dear, what's the matter?" Taking a breath, Mulder tried to find his voice, hoping that it wouldn't crack to reveal his true emotions at the moment. "Nothing, Mrs. Scully, my..uh..allergies are acting up is all." "Fox, you can't go through life burying your emotions the way you are. Its not healthy, for anyone." Mulder let out a soft chuckle. He had never had anyone care about his feelings as much as what Scully's mother did. He was touched, yet bothered by her love for him. It made it harder for him to leave Scully. "I'm fine, really. I just need to get some sleep." Mulder stood hastily, frogetting for a moment where he had put the picture of himself and his sister. The picture slowly floated to the white tile floor of the hospital, catching Maggie's attention and curiousity. Mulder had his back turned, picking up his jacket and phone from the adjacent chair, he hardly notice that Maggie had found the blood-stained photo. As he turned to say his farewell, Mulder felt the colour drain from his face as he saw the photo laying in Maggie's hand. "Fox, is this you?" Feeling the sting of embarassment in his left jaw, Mulder nodded, unable to find his voice. "And I guess this pretty, young girl here is your sister?" Again Mulder nodded, feeling the return of tears to his eyes. Maggie simply smiled at the photo, running her fingers along the creases and bloodstains. Her touch seemed to renew the quality of the photo, its sentimentality returning to it. Maggie looked slowly up to Mulder, motioning for him to sit back down. Feeling exhausted, Mulder could do nothing more that to comply to her motherly command. "You know Fox, it's okay to cry for her. It may not bring her back, but you won't have the heavy guilt on you shoulders as you do now." "Mrs. Scully, that's all I've done for her. I've cried and prayed each night that I might one day see her again. To have her returned home. It's all I've wanted for the longest time.." He was coming close to a breakdown now, he could feel it. Taking a breath he sat back down from his slight tirade and lowered his head into his hands. "I feel like it's a losing battle, like I have nothing more to give. I think I've lost hope, not only in finding Sam, but in myslef, in my quest. I feel like my life isn't worth living anymore." Mulder took a few deep breaths, trying to regain his somewhat damaged composure, trying to expel the words he so desperatley wanted Maggie to hear. "I feel as if, if I had lost Scully, I would've lost myself. I would've gone over the edge, without anyone to catch me." Maggie Scully began to rub tiny circles along his back with the palm of her hand. "Fox, sweetheart, you know that I care about you a great deal, as if you were my own son. And son, I would've caught you." Mulder became embarassed by her words now, wanting more than anything to just crawl into a hole and die. How could he explain to her the pain that he feels each and every day for his lost sister? The mere thought of losing his lifeline caused Mulder to sob a little more than what he had been doing. To his left he could hear Maggie's soothing sounds as she tried to comfort him. He lifted his head up to meet the loving eyes of Scully's mother looking back at him. Slowly he looked down to the picture in Maggie's hand, noticing Sam's smile. It was so sweet, so innocent, so pure. Her smile resembled that of Scully's. Mulder felt himself lose control again and broke into agonized sobs of regret and hopelessness. "That's right Fox. Let your tears take away all your pains and fears. Cry for her." After a few moments of tears, Mulder broke away from Maggie's embrace, unsure of how he came about to be in that position. He shook his head and wiped his eyes. This was not the time nor the place where he should be dumping his feelings. Rising out of his chair, Mulder struggled to find words to convey his thanks to Maggie. Finding none, he could only meet his eyes to Maggie's and silently communicate his gratitude. The stinging salt of his tears caused Mulder's eyes to grow heavy, and the need for rest became an unbeareable tune in his head. He motioned to Maggie in unspoken words his desire to leave at that moment, and was acknowledged by a warm smile. "Fox, say goodbye to her first before you go alright?" He whispered a very hoarse sounding "Ok" and made his way into Scully's room just as Skinner, Bill Jr, and a few doctors exited. Bill walked off in a huff about Mulder being allowed back into his sister's room, but Skinner remained behind, content to chat with Maggie a few moments longer. "Is he okay?" "He will be. Now that Dana is back, he can go on living again. They can go on living." Finis! HAHAHAHA!!! hope you enhoyed that one!