From: helle@helle-olsen.net
Date: Sat, 24 Jan 2009 17:11:24 +0100 (CET)
Subject: Tears From The Moon
Source: revision

Reply to: helle@helle-olsen.net


Title: Tears From The Moon
Aurhor: Helle Olsen
E-mail: helle@helle-olsen.net
Rating: NC-17 -- for sex
Category: MSR, angst
Spoilers: Pre X-Files, The Pilot, Fire
Distribution: Anywhere just let me know first.
Feedback: Love to.

Summary: A what if story. Scully and Mulder meet in 1989 and rush into 
marriage, they fail but meet again in 1993 in a FBI basement office. 
Will this new meeting start a fire between them again? Most likely 
this storyline has been used before...

Disclaimer: Don't own them, never have, never will...

Author's note: With all due respect to Chris Carter, I never believed 
in the chaste love between Scully and Mulder, they are too passionate 
for that, and it never spoke to the romantic in me.


Tears From The Moon


Part One

Washington DC
July, 3rd 1989

With a deep sigh she stepped out onto the sidewalk, the fat raindrops 
landing immediately on her bowed face matched her inner storms. Of 
course it was raining! How could it be any different? Recently, she 
was running out of luck, it seems.

Her life had taken an unexpected direction within the last year, never 
had she planned falling in love with her professor, Daniel Waterston, 
for God sake he was her professor and married! She wasn't in to 
married men -- her moral too high for that. Easily, she recognised the 
hurt and betrayal a cheating boyfriend would bring her, it wasn't 
something she would ever want to cause another person.

She hadn't been attracted to Daniel, first. It had been strictly 
professional, he was her professor and she needed his help. Willingly, 
maybe too willingly, Daniel had given it to her, offering to be her 
councillor during the remaining semesters of medical school, three to 
be exact. Gladly, she had accepted, he was the best professor in 
physics, which had become her field of passion.

"Damn!" she cursed under her breath; she would've won the award if 
there was one to be won in the category na?ve and stupid. It had been 
so easy talking to Daniel, much easier than men at her age or even her 
father, to whom Daniel was closer in age to than men at her age. They 
had shared amid talks about physics , she had hung on to every word he 
said, sure he was some sort of God in this field, when they had moved 
to other topics she'd as easily swallowed every word, reading every 
book he recommended and watched every movie he liked. Most of the 
books had been okay but the movies were another story.

Within the first semester as her councillor they started spending time 
together every day, the amount of time together had grown from month 
to month, the pace so slow, that she hadn't seen what hit her before 
it was too late, and she found herself blushing and giggling around 
him. She had fallen in love with her professor, such a trivial story, 
really. She wasn't the first and wouldn't be the last to do such a 
foolish thing, but it didn't make it any better. She was not a silly 
young girl, she was too damn closer to her 25th birthday than she 
liked to be.

In a sweet hushed voice Daniel had admitted his growing love for her 
one early summer day; her heart had picked up a quicker pace of 
beating from ecstasy and happiness, his eyes glowing with the same 
excitement for a few short moments, before he had confessed a dark 
secret. He was married with a daughter a few years younger than her!

Daniel had reassured her it mattered little; he wanted to spend his 
life with her, Dana, and not his wife. Frozen from shock, she stared 
into his eyes without seeing; she truly had been caught with her 
fingers in the cookie jar. Heat had bolted into her body when she felt 
his hot lips on hers; the heat wasn't coming from passion but from 
anger. Hot anger.

Angry from her own blindness and stupidity, she had pushed him away, 
hard, with eyes hard as stones and voice cold as ice, she had told 
him, she would ask for another councillor and their friendship ended 
right there. She hadn't given him any chance to reply, bolting up from 
the chair and running out of the door before he could see her tears.

The only good thing in her misery was that this had happened on a 
Friday, for two days she had locked herself in her dorm and cried her 
eyes out, late Sunday night she had reclaimed her dignity and sanity 
and ordered herself a pizza. All her dreams of marital bliss may have 
been shattered on that dreadful Friday but she still had her dream of 
practicing medicine in some way, it would've to hold her.

She wasn't angry at Daniel but at herself for being so blind, not once 
had he invited her out to dinner or the movies, he had avoided 
answering personal questions, always turning the focus to her or 
topics of physics. Naively, she had believed he was shy and aware of 
their age difference but all he had been was a coward.

She had applied for another councillor during her summer break, it had 
been declined, if she wanted a major in physics, she would've to 
settle with Doctor Waterston, it was too late to change her major and 
honestly she didn't want to.

Debating her dilemma, she came to the conclusion that she could manage 
to get through two more semesters with Daniel as her councillor, she 
would study hard on her own and only seek his help when absolutely 
necessary. She couldn't turn of her feelings for him just by thought, 
but she was strong enough not to act upon them, she would do fine. 
Just fine.

A letter distracted her thoughts from Daniel, it was the FBI inviting 
her to an interview, she had agreed and one sunny day she had found 
herself in a FBI field office. To her surprise, she had discovered 
that her medical skills were already highly valued by the Fed, and 
they offered her a career in physics at Quantico in Washington, 
directly after medical school. She had asked for a week to think about 
it. Not that there really was something to think about.

Truth was she had no desire to practice medicine anymore, it had been 
her dream when she started medical school but now she wanted something 
else from life, exactly what she wanted was yet to be discovered. This 
was a chance to change her direction in life and make a true 
difference. She was given the chance to help catching the bad guys in 
her field of passion.

Her moral and ethic had always been clear and high, since she was a 
small girl she had wanted to help the less fortunate and bring the 
truth into the light, now she was given a fair chance to do that in 
her every day life. A week later, she signed the papers, if she 
graduated with her normally high grades, she was guarantied a job 
right after medical school.

Her second last semester had been a ride on the emotional roller 
coaster, she had mastered to push Daniel out of her thoughts weeks 
before she returned to lessons, or at least that was what she thought. 
Everything had been fine until Daniel had asked her to stay after the 
first lesson, his hand had cupped her chin, caressing her softly he 
had admitted how much he'd missed her. How much he wanted her and he 
wanted to shared his life with her, it had been the worst summer in 
his life. He needed her.

In a blink of an eye all her feelings had returned, her eyes becoming 
soft with emotions had been a sharp contrast to her iron steel tone of 
voice, when she had repeated her earlier words. She wanted him to 
forget her; they had no future together, he was married and marriage 
was sacred to her. She wouldn't be a marriage breaker and expected him 
to honour his vows, if he ended his marriage she refused to be the 
excuse. They were done before they ever had started.

Daniel had not handled things well; refusing to believe her and 
refusing to respect her decision, his quest had turned from sweet 
talking into begging, he couldn't understand he couldn't have her. In 
the middle of the semester, she had understood she needed to be the 
adult and had asked for a transfer to the medical school in Washington 
DC. It had been admitted and she left after the end of the semester. 
She left without saying goodbye to Daniel, knowing that if he wanted 
he could easily get word of her whereabouts.

Today was her fourth day in Washington DC, she had just finished an 
evaluation at the FBI after an exhausting phone call from her dad, who 
refused to understand or support his youngest daughter relocation to 
the capital. It had come to the point, where Dana couldn't remember a 
time when a phone call from her parents hadn't ended badly. They 
strongly felt she was throwing her life away and didn't hesitated in 
telling her, especially her father verbalized how sure he was that the 
FBI would ruin her life, corrupt it into pieces. She loved her dad and 
it broke her heart to be at bad terms with him, she wasn't walking 
into something she didn't want or hadn't high hopes for. Surely, she 
had planned to move to Washington DC after having finished medical 
school but Daniel had made it impossible to wait. She still remembered 
his last words ever uttered to her, bitter and hard they had hit a 
nerve in her, she might be in love with this man but not his harsh 
words:

"Dana, you are throwing away a promising career in medicine to work 
with the FBI -- you must be joking?" When she had just stared at him, 
he had continued. "You'll find nothing there to make you happy or 
fulfilled; all you'll find is a few wasted years and a struggle to get 
back to medicine. You're running away from me -- from us. Don't do 
this, I'll work this out."

Tiredly, her fuming eyes had burned into his; "Daniel, there is no us 
-- never will be! You're married and I won't be the one to cause hell 
in your family's lives. I want to join the FBI next year."

"You're too young to know how much you'll regret this FBI foolishness, 
Dana" He wasn't listening to a single word she said.

"I'm not a child, Daniel." She had turned on her heels and walked out 
of him, knowing she would do anything in her power not to see him 
again before she left. Not once had she looked back.

It didn't mean his words didn't hurt, or leaving him hadn't hurt. I 
had! It did! Somehow, the ache in her heart always became heavier when 
she had crossed words with her dad. Too lost in her own world she 
didn't see where she walked, but she felt the pain in her head when 
she walked right into something. Or someone, to be exact

"Hey, I've taken my invisible suit off did you forget your glasses?" 
His voice full of amusement vibrated from his chest.

Embarrassed, she realised her head was resting against his hard chest, 
none of them had broken the sudden contact from their collision. 
Lifting her head, she stared into the most beautiful eyes she had ever 
seen. The mischief in his eyes swiftly changed into confusion and then 
into wonder, none of them was able to tear their eyes apart.

Smiling foolishly, her own eyes turned soft and invitingly under his 
intense stare, her knees became weak and the cat was steeling her 
tongue. Quickly, her eyes dashed to his lips, wondering how it would 
feel to kiss his full ones. God they were tempting, his lips. Fast her 
eyes were drawn to his eyes again. Not that the relocation of her eyes 
helped her any, she was helpless against the overwhelming power he 
held over her, it wasn't a frightening power. Well maybe it was; she 
hadn't felt such a powerful connection to anyone before, it was scary!

Her lips moved in silent words, how embarrassing, she was unable to 
form a meaningful sentence. "Uh... I" Pausing, she readjusted her 
voice, "Um, I'm sorry. Guess I was unfocused." She smiled apologising, 
her heart skipped a beat, when she watched his eyes widen in amazement 
while listening to her voice.

"Don't be. Sorry I mean. It's not every day, I'm lucky enough to be 
run down by the most beautiful woman in the world." Flustered, he 
realised he had uttered the words aloud.

Dana cupped his chin with her palm, the words may sound artificial but 
the truth behind them obviously, "thank you" She whispered, suddenly 
feeling light headed and very, very beautiful.

His hand came up to cover hers, "Don't thank me, speaking the truth 
never requires a thank you." She shivered under his touch, the feeling 
of familiarity and rightness awed her. If she didn't know better, she 
would've thought she knew this man and knew him well.

"Please let me buy you a cup of coffee?" The begging in his eyes told 
her, he felt the same way and that he wasn't more willing to let her 
go than she was him.

Licking her lips nervously, she nodded her head she was powerless to 
respond differently, fast, it was becoming impossible to deny him 
anything. It should scare her but it didn't, she felt safe.

Linking their hands, he looked down on her, "By the way, I'm Fox 
Mulder."

"Dana Scully." She offered. "Fox, glad to meet you" The shadow that 
clouded his face confused her.

"Mulder please, never liked my given name. Come, I know this little 
coffee shop just around the corner." Never letting go of her hand, he 
shortened his steps to match her smaller ones.  They easily fell into 
a walking pattern suiting them both perfectly. Both content with the 
comfortable silence between them, they shared no more words until they 
reached the coffee shop.

"Sparks from the Moon" Dana read the name out loud, "it must be own by 
a woman!"

Turning his head towards her Mulder winked, "No, it's own by a man, 
Hank. He named it after his wife, or rather how he saw her. She was 
the sparks in his life like he was in hers. Unfortunately, she died 
last year, cancer."

"Hank. Sparks from the Moon." She tasted the words, obviously so ill 
suited together but there had to be more about the man than his name, 
she thought. What an odd day!

Mulder leaded her to a small table in a corner of the shop, kissing 
her palm before he let go of her hand. "What would you like to drink, 
Dana?"

Again she felt herself drowning in his eyes, "coffee with lots of 
milk, please."

"My kind of girl" he laughed, "never like those tea drinking girls 
much.

Rising her eye brow slightly, she gave him a blank stare, "Hate to 
disappoint you Mulder, I'm as much a tea girl as a coffee girl!"

"Not disappointed at all, it will just make things more interesting, I 
see you won't be easily categorised."

"Oh, I see what kind of women you're usually involved with"

Laughing, he turned away from her, over his shoulder he bantered back, 
"well, those days are gone, I take it?"

"If you're smart they are." She wasn't joking anymore.

"Believe me, I am."

Soon, he returned with two coffees, hers loaded with milk and his 
black as the dark night. Eyes and hands locked again, she felt an 
overwhelming need to be as close as possible to this man she had just 
met, breaking the contract for the few minutes it had taken him to get 
their coffee had felt like a deep pain in her soul. It confused her 
but she dared not question it.

The coffee was strong and good, his hold on her hand equally strong 
and intense. She had strongly believed, she was done with men for a 
long period of time, Daniel had ruined her respect for men in general, 
or that had been the case, until half an hour ago, now she wanted 
nothing more than to know this man in every possible way.

"Mulder, would you like to eat dinner with me, we can have take outs, 
I haven't settled into my dorm yet so cooking is out of the question, 
but I think we can manage with take outs?"

"I would love to, Dana. But let's go to my place, I've an apartment in 
Arlington, nothing much but better than a dorm."

Agreeing, she followed him out of the coffee shop, Hank greeted Mulder 
as an old friend.

"I come here a lot; I work in the Hoover building you came out from 
when we met." Mulder explained.

"Oh, you're an FBI agent!"

"Yeah, I'm applying behavioural models for criminal cases" He shrugged 
his shoulders, "nothing much about it but I've seen my share of evil."

They agreed on pizza and beers, a shared favourite. Dana chose a sea 
food filled and Mulder a beef filled pizza and both agreed on 
Budweiser. Smiling down on her, Mulder carried the goods in one hand 
and held her hand firmly in his other hand.

Mulder's apartment was clearly a place he spent little time in, the 
living room was dominated by a large fish tank and two ugly armchairs 
around a coffee table. She didn't need to ask to know Mulder was 
single, one look around his apartment convinced her. She stole a look 
into his bedroom and was further confirmed of his status, seeing his 
old and narrow bed.

"Dana, what were you doing in the Hoover building this afternoon?"

She flipped the pizza container open and took a large slice into her 
right hand, it smelled delicious, "I was in for my second interview 
regarding my application. They want to recruit me to join the FBI 
Academy in January."

Impressed, he took a bite of his pizza, "not only beautiful...what is 
your field?"

"Medicine. Physics. My last semester at medical school starts next 
week."

"You don't wanna work as a doctor, playing it the safe way?" She 
looked like a woman who wanted stability in her life, the safety net 
of a normal life.

"Once I did, I was so sure it was my call in life, believing I could 
save a lot of lives. Saving lives was my reason to go to medical 
school." Leaning back in the chair, she finished her last slice of 
pizza; she had been hungry and comfortable enough with Mulder to eat 
the whole pizza.

Impressed with her appetite, he smiled, "what changed your mind?" His 
appetite for her was growing by the minute, not just physically but 
emotionally, he wanted to know everything about her.

Avoiding his stare for a few seconds, she resumed her smile. 
"Obviously I'm talented in this area, it comes natural to me and I've 
come to understand that there are more ways to save lives than just to 
practise. That's why I want to join the FBI. I think I can make a 
difference by joining the FBI" She lacked the ability to understand 
why her father resented her choice so much.

Lifting a hand, he waved her over, "Come here, Dana. Somebody's giving 
you a hard time with this?" He felt her pain by just looking into her 
eyes; they seemed to share a nonverbal bond of communication.

Getting up, she walked the short distance to Mulder and slid down on 
his lap, resting her head against his chest. "Yeah, my dad doesn't 
understand, he wants me to pursue another medical career, I know he 
wants the best for me but this is what is best for me."

"Sure it is, we'll both be chasing the criminals. Who knows, we might 
even end up working together one day, Dana." He jested to lighten her 
mood again.

"I would like that, Mulder" she lifted her head to look into his eyes. 
"Very much" Time stood still and the world only started to move again 
when she felt his lips moving against her slightly parted lips, she 
bid him welcome by parting her lips further. Carving to taste him, 
needing to be closer to him, she gave him full access to her mouth. 
God, he felt good. Never had she been kissed this good or this deeply. 
She had only shared a few shy kisses with Daniel, she was by no means 
a virgin but her upbringing had ensured she was rather inexperienced 
in this area.

Feeling his hot breath in her mouth and hearing him groan from 
pleasure was far more erotic than a fumbling hand on her breast, 
repositioning she was pressed against his hard groin. A primitive joy 
rushed through her, she had this power over him; his body was reacting 
to her touches. Proudly, she moaned and turning slightly she straddled 
him, boldly, she grind her hot spot against his hardness. Instantly, 
he gasped for air. A wave of heat rushed through her body, blood was 
drained from her head making her feel like falling into thin air.

"God Dana, you feel so good. Please I need you?"

Feeling wet, hot and ready for him, she whispered shyly; "take me to 
bed, Mulder" Her inner core painfully demanded a deeper attention.

Pulling back a little he locked eyes with her, "are you sure, Dana? I 
want you to be comfortable; there is no need to rush things. I admit I 
want you like I never wanted anybody in my life, but I want more than 
a hasty shag." It was plain and simple to him, that Dana was a woman 
in another league than the women he normally dated, she wasn't a one 
night stand type and he could tell she hadn't had many lovers. But she 
turned him on like he had never been turned on before, his hardness 
was already painful and they had only kissed so far.

Shyly staring back at him, she knew she was ready and it felt right. 
"I'm sure, please take me to bed, Mulder." She was shocked by her own 
boldness but the heat in her body couldn't be ignored, her body 
tingled from desire. She wanted, needed him.

Instantly, he stood up and taking her with him he carried her to the 
bedroom. Placing her gently on the floor beside his small bed, he 
cupped her face between his hands and before he reclaimed her lips he 
whispered softly, "I'm falling in love Dana, please let me show you 
how much."

 Responding to his lips she was unable to give a verbal respond, 
instead she slid her hands inside his shirt and caressed his bare 
skin, letting her body doing the speaking. She felt him shiver against 
her warm hands and his hands left her face to undress her. Now, she 
was the shivering one. Inflamed by his passion her body was burning. 
His lips left hot marks on her skin.

Stepping back he watched her undressed body, only clad in her bra and 
panties she felt vulnerable and exposed, suddenly afraid she wouldn't 
measure up. Her arms came up to cover her breasts, gently he unfolded 
them again.

"Please, don't cover up. You're so beautiful. You're taking my breath 
away; I just wanted to look at you."

In relief, she closed her eyes, nervously she licked the corner of her 
mouth but his groan made her reopen her eyes and meeting his eyes dark 
from desire her boldness returned, how could she question her own 
value when she was with his man?

Slowly, she unbuttoned his shirt and jeans, his hardness made it 
difficult to pull the jeans off him, feeling his eyes on her the whole 
time she blushed. He finished the task with his jeans and stepped out 
of them and his boxers.

She took in his naked body, he was stunning, lean and well- shaped all 
the right places, and... and god his cock was amazing. He must have 
been first in line she mused... pleased.

Unable to stand the lack of contact between them he gently pushed her 
down on his bed, looking into her eyes he found the answer he needed, 
burying his head in her breasts he licked a rosy nipple, his left hand 
pushed her bra further down to expose another, already stiff nipple. 
Pleased, he squeezed it gently. Shifting between her nipples he 
alternatively bit, licked, sucked and squeezed. Dana felt the ground 
disappear underneath her, god he was good with his tongue, her whole 
body was on fire and her panties already soaked. All doubts of being 
able to take his cock all the way in faded away; her body would never 
refuse him. It would always welcome him.

A small scream escaped her when his tongue started to move against her 
clitoris, a fire ignited in her centre and waves of heat washed over 
her.  "Please, Mulder -- don't stop!" Never had she felt such passion 
before, she wasn't used to getting a orgasm every time she had sex -- 
didn't really expect to, but now she was going over the edge, rapidly. 
Her undoing came when he pushed a finger into her, on his second push 
she tightened around him and screamed "Mmmuldeer!"

He gently licked her until her body came back to earth again, and then 
he moved to hover over her, his awe stuck eyes burned into her 
slightly embarrassing ones. "Dana, you are amazing, so beautiful."

"Mulder, I need you inside of me, please" she pleaded. Relieved she 
hadn't shocked him with her boldness.

His eyes darkened with barely controllable desire when she parted her 
legs and invited him in, with a swift push he entered her with the 
head of his cock, it felt so good, but it wasn't enough, still he 
wasn't were she wanted him the most. Meeting his eyes, she silently 
communicated she was ok and he wasn't too much for her, it wasn't her 
first time. But she wished it was.

Pushing farther inside her his body shivered, "God, you're so tight 
and wet and ready for me, oh my God." He breathed out. Wrapping her 
legs around his waist Dana allowed him full access to her body, 
burying his cock to the hilt in her warmth he almost came from the 
surge of pleasures.

Thrusting her groin into his she sat the pace for their lovemaking, 
first they moved slowly taking their time to get to know each other, 
but soon desire took over and urgency consumed them. To her surprise a 
new wave of spasms invaded her lower body, screaming his name loudly 
she came hard for the second time.

"Daaana" he cried when his orgasm waved in on him, hard and hot.

Rolling over he took her with him, never breaking their contact he 
kissed her lazily. Resting her head against his chest she felt at 
peace with the world, Mulder may not be her first lover but it 
certainly felt like it, nobody had made love to her like this before. 
Sure, she had enjoyed sex but it was all it had been comparing to what 
just had happen; this was making love and not just plain sex.

"God Dana, you're amazing. I never knew making love could be this 
good. Was it ok?"

"The best." She assured him, pleased that he didn't take her pleasure 
for granted.

"Please, promise you will stay the night, don't leave without awaking 
me, ok? I want more from you than just this night, ok?"

She loved how he sounded a bit insecure, "I promise, Mulder. I'm also 
falling in love with you, you know?"

"Good" He sounded pleased with himself, smiling she allowed her eyes 
to close and sleep to overtake her.

Much later, she awoke to a wet mouth spreading kisses along her neck 
and a hand gently caressing her breast, her body was already aroused 
and wet, surprised she moaned deeply and pushed her ass further into 
his morning erection, it felt so damn good.

His hand left her breast and travelled to her opening; sliding her 
folds open he entered her in one thrust. "God Mulder!" she cried out.

Her cry made him stop, "Mulder, don't stop!" she demanded, reassuring 
him she was okay. Eagerly pushing deeper into her, forgetting her 
soreness Dana followed his movements and was soon pushed over the edge 
and into the waves of wild water again.

Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he whispered into her ear, 
"Stay, we can watch movies and make love all day, please."

She agreed right away.

They stayed in bed all that Saturday, watching movies, sleeping and 
making love. When day turned into night he asked her to move in with 
him, it would be stupid to pay two rents when he wanted to spend all 
his time with her. Ignoring the voice of sanity that wanted her to 
take it slowly, wanted her to know the man better before moving in 
with him, she chose to follow her heart. Her heart knew this man, knew 
Mulder was the one for her and that he would never hurt her.

Giggling, she said yes on the condition that her larger bed and couch 
moved in with her, his chairs were impossible to make out in. She 
could do whatever she wanted with the apartment he told her; it would 
be as much hers as his.

Sunday they went to her place to arrange for the moving of her things, 
it would be easy, feeling too sorry for herself she hadn't unpacked 
much yet, just the few things she needed most. Tuesday all her things 
were arriving at Mulder's apartment, his old arm chairs and bed was 
given to a second hand shop. Happy, she unpacked while he was at work. 
Her feminine touch changed his cold, empty apartment into their cosy, 
warm nest. She loved it and so did Mulder.

It was a good life, she couldn't remember another time laughing this 
much or being so content and happy. Their lovemaking became better and 
better, her shyness disappeared and revealed a very passionate woman, 
who knew what she liked. He felt happy and loved for the first time 
since he was a young child. He loved sharing his life with her.

They were both busy, she with her last semester and he with his work 
but they always found time for each other. Dana stopped calling her 
parents, her new situation would be unacceptable for her dad, not only 
would she join the FBI but she lived in sin with a man. Dana wasn't 
willing to give Mulder up not even for her parents. Mulder rarely were 
in contact with his parents, they were divorced and his relationship 
with them stained, he saw no reason to tell them about his 
relationship.

Two months after they met outside the Hoover building Mulder proposed 
marriage to Dana, thrilled, she jumped into his arms and kissed him 
deeply, of course she would marry him.

A week later, a Catholic priest married them, it was important for 
Dana that her marriage was acknowledge by the Church, she would only 
marry once in her life and wanted it to be rightly done from the 
start. Mulder had no religious stands; all he wanted was to make Dana 
happy. Their wedding day was a lovely spring day full of promise of a 
bright and happy future.

They were happy. They shared a special bond, a bond that seemed to 
reach beyond this world. They had developed a nonverbal form of 
communication, a look was simply enough to understand each other. Most 
often it was used when they were around other people; it enabled them 
to share their thoughts of other people and situations without 
actually hurting anyone.

School was getting crazy, demanding nearly all of her time, the little 
time spared she spent with Mulder. In her stress she forgot to call 
her parents and inform them of her marital status, once in a while the 
thought crossed her mind, they deserved to know but knowing how 
disappointed they would be, when discovering she had married without 
them, pushed her to delay the confrontation. Since she had met Mulder 
she had avoided her family except from Missy, her older sister. Missy 
never judge her, living as a free bird herself, she had no wish to 
impose judgment on other people. Missy was excited to meet her 
brother- in --law but it would've to wait until Missy returned to the 
States from England.

One month after their wedding the bliss started to crack, the change 
came gradually, first Dana almost missed the faint signs but soon she 
was forced to deal with them. Mulder stayed longer hours at his work, 
nothing strange about that, he had a demanding job. But when he grew 
distant on her she began to worry, he touched her less, avoided her 
eyes and finally her touches. Their bed suddenly became too large and 
cold, he slept with his back to her and pretended to sleep the moment 
his head touched the pillow. She was hurt, badly.

When she confronted him he blamed it on stress, he had some hard cases 
and he used a lot of time on some odd FBI cases that had caught his 
attention, he didn't know where his new discovery would bring him, but 
he wasn't ready to work less at the moment. She wouldn't understand he 
said. She begged him to confine in her, telling him she would 
understand and be willing to let him seek this new opportunity, if 
just he would share it with her. He said he couldn't at this moment; 
he didn't understand the cases himself yet, just knew they were 
important and linked to his past. They were not scientific in anyway, 
but more of a paranormal form he expected. He wouldn't expect her to 
understand.

But she wanted to understand. For a few weeks it got better, he 
noticed her again and carved her touches. She was almost happy again 
but she still felt a change inside of him, a part of him that he kept 
hidden for her, and it broke her heart. She loved Mulder and he was 
fading away right in front of her eyes. She couldn't reach him like 
before, she was certain he was faithful to her, assured she still 
loved her. He could never change that much, she hoped and prayed.

Two months after their wedding her hopes were shattered, she found him 
sitting on the couch staring into the thin air, his face emotionless 
and his eyes empty. Scared, she kneeled in front of him, tears running 
down her face.

"Mulder?" When he didn't react, she tugged at his arm and yelled his 
name. Finally, he looked at her. "What's wrong, Mulder. Please talk to 
me."

"Dana, they took her."

"Took who?" she whispered desperately, he was at a breaking point and 
she was powerless to pull him back to her.

"Dana, you'll do so much better without me in your life, you deserve a 
better man." His eyes became alive for a few moments.

"But I don't want another man -- I want you Mulder, only you." Now she 
was crying hard, afraid of the possibility of loosing him to this 
unknown enemy. Her heart was bleeding with pain and fear.

The dullness returned to his eyes, "I need to go away for a while, 
Dana. You don't need to wait for me." With that he got up from the 
couch and walked to the door.

"I want to wait for you Mulder, I love you!" Getting no answer from 
him, her heart broke into thousand pieces, "is it another woman, 
Mulder?"

Finally getting his attention, he turned and locked eyes with her, 
"God no, Dana! My heart is with you, at least the little piece of it 
that wasn't taken when they took her. She was only a small child, 
Dana." Giving her a small joyless smile he left her.

She didn't see him again before another month had passed, she was 
close to her final examines, the stress of dealing with school and 
Mulder's disappearing had taken its toll on her. She had lost weight 
and seemed to be a shadow of herself; she never smiled or laughed 
anymore. All her energy was invested into her studies and crying in 
the lonely nights. Sleep was a luxury most often out of her reach, 
getting a few hours rest each day was all she could hope for. That new 
sleeping pattern became a trusted friend of hers in the years to come; 
sleeping a full night became a fainted memory of another time.
                        
One day returning home from medical school, she was welcomed home by a 
similar scene to the one that had welcomed her home the day he left 
her, Mulder sat on the couch staring into the air. He looked exhausted 
and worn out, just like she did.

He jumped when she softly touched his shoulder with her hand. "Have 
you come home, Mulder?" Fear almost stole her words but she needed to 
know.

"Dana!" For a brief moment, his eyes brightened up before he hid his 
soul from her, "No" he said, avoiding her eyes. "I need time for 
myself; I've nothing to give you or anyone right now. I've found 
something the FBI calls the X-Files, I don't know what they are or if 
I ever will know, but I need to try. I'm certain they're linked to my 
destiny and my past." He didn't asked her to understand, didn't say he 
was sorry, his eyes clearly expressed his feelings of guilt and 
sorrow, but also showed her how empty he had become. He had no 
feelings left in him only a big consuming dark emptiness.

"You don't want my help or love anymore, Mulder?" She already knew the 
answer.

She watched how he closed his eyes and steeled himself, no matter what 
he said he still loved her, he couldn't hide that from her. But 
something had broken him and stolen him from her; it seemed to be 
those damn X-Files."

"Nobody can help me, Dana. This is for the best. I'll move out."

"No!" Her own volume startled her, calming her voice she continued, 
"this was your apartment before it was ours, I'll leave. Give me a few 
days to find an apartment, I only want the bed. You can keep the 
rest." She couldn't bear the though of another woman in their bed, it 
would never happen.

Too shocked to feel her body or the pain in her heart, her brain 
worked on auto pilot. "Mulder, did you ever inform the FBI of our 
marriage?"

Shaking his head he stared at his shoes, "Um, I forgot, sorry."

"Good!" She turned around and left the apartment, when she returned 
the next day he was gone. Two days later, she moved into an apartment 
in Georgetown, Mulder had insisted on paying for it, it was the least 
he could do, he had stated. She hadn't wanted his money, all she ever 
wanted was him but he gave her no choice, he bought the apartment in 
her name.

In January 1990 she joined the FBI Academy, she loved it right away, 
it felt good to know she had followed the right path in her working 
life. Her heart hadn't healed yet, she doubted it ever would. Her love 
for Mulder was as deep as ever but her anger had left her by now and 
only grief remained. The day, she started with the FBI she took off 
her wedding band, nobody there knew about her marriage. In her papers 
she marked 'unmarried' and 'single'. She had given up hope that he 
would ever return to her, she wasn't even sure she wanted him back, 
his betrayal too server to be forgotten. She hadn't applied for a 
divorce and wouldn't, she had married for life and for better and 
worse. The decision of divorce was up to him, like their separation 
had been.


Part two

Washington DC
Hoover Building 1993.

Walking to Section Chief Blevins office Dana Scully wondered why she 
was called to this meeting, for the past two years, she had worked as 
an instructor at the FBI Academy Quantico, a position she liked very 
much, she enjoyed teaching and making a difference. Her job was 
everything she had hoped it would be. She rarely sat foot in other 
sections of the FBI and couldn't really guess why she was here. 
Passing a middle aged agent, she welcomed his flirting and flirted 
back.

Inside the office her past caught up with her, for a moment, she could 
only stare blankly at Blevins, when he asked if she was familiar with 
one agent Fox Mulder. The sharp pain in her heart surprised her, she 
had moved on in her life and finally she was content with her personal 
life.

"Yes I am." A little bemused she answered, this was the FBI and they 
didn't know her connection to Mulder.

"How so?" Shit, getting worried she tried to win some time, "by 
reputation. Um...He's an Oxford- educated psychologist who wrote a 
monograph on serial killers and the occult...That helped to catch 
Monty Props in 1988" A year before they met, another pang hit her 
heart. "Generally, thought of as the best analyst in the violent crime 
section. He had a nickname at the Academy Spooky Mulder"

Dana Scully threw the last part in to get control of her feelings 
again. The past had come too close in the last minutes for her liking.

The bomb fell when Blevins assigned her to work with Mulder, ordered 
her to debunk Mulder's work. Debunk her own husband's work. Debunk the 
X-Files. She felt dizzy and confused for the rest of the meeting, only 
listening with one ear. Panic hit her, the minute Blevins ordered her 
to report immediately to agent Mulder. She wasn't ready for this and 
something didn't feel right, she sensed the men in the office had a 
secret agenda, an agenda she and Mulder were forced into.

Dana Scully took a long refugee in the lady's room, she examined her 
outfit closely and re-freshened her discreet make up, hating that she 
felt the need for those actions, she despised herself. Mulder had no 
power over her anymore, he had broken her heart and left her alone to 
mend it again, his right to her had vanished with his leaving. Well, 
almost vanished, his emotional rights had anyway.


Breathing in deeply she steeled herself for the confrontation. Taking 
the elevator down to the basement she had time to compose herself, it 
was a few years since she had seen him and she had matured since then, 
he had forced her to mature. He wouldn't hurt her again, she swore 
under her breath.

After a soft knock on the door she walked into his office.

"Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted."

Casting a quick look around she was puzzled, a big poster with a 
spaceship and the words 'I Want To Believe' covered the wall together 
with more pictures of spaceships, this wasn't the Mulder she knew. He 
had his back to her but before she had the time to watch him, he 
turned to her.

 "Agent Mulder, I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you."

Her eyes saw the shocked expression on his face, before he covered it 
behind a boyish smile and clouded eyes. God he looked good, still lean 
and damn charming. Stretching her arm out she offered him her hand, he 
took the bait.

"Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. Who did you tick 
off to get stuck with this?"

A higher power she thought. Getting the double meaning in his words, 
she carefully formed her retort; "Actually, I'm looking forward to 
working with you. I've heard a lot about you." Not a completely lie.

He played along. "Oh, really? I was under the impression that you were 
sent to spy on me."

Frowning, she briefly wonder, if he believed she was here to spy on 
his private life, the belittled wife, desperate to get her husband 
back. Angrily, she shot back: "If you have any doubt about my 
qualification or credentials...?"

"You're a medical doctor." Bingo Mulder, I was a few months from 
getting my final degree when you left me, no need for detective work 
here...

"You teach at the Academy." This piece of information could he only 
gets by digging into some files.

"You did your undergraduate degree in Physics. Einstein's Twin 
Paradox: Dana Scully."

"Did you bother to read?" The copy in his hand was the one she had 
given him so long ago, the pain in her chest belied her decision of 
being uncaring.

"I did. I liked it" From the intense look in his eyes, she knew it was 
years ago he had read it the first time.

The rest of the short time in the basement office, she fought hard to 
keep her distance, a distance he seemed determined to cross. He 
invaded her personal space and mind... and memories.

It was a relief to see Ethan afterwards; he never endangered her 
emotions in anyway. She was able to keep her distance to Mulder during 
their field trip to Oregon. Actually they had a fun time together, 
until the case caught up with her.

Dana Scully was scared, she had unidentified marks on her lower back, 
marks very similar to the marks on the victims bodies. Normally, she 
was hard to shake, but having no wish to die and certainly not in this 
God forsaken area of the world, panic stoke her, violently.

Throwing her bath robe on, she ran to Mulder's room, remembering to 
knock, she restlessly waited for him to open the door. He looked 
puzzled and shocked when he saw her standing here in only her robe.

"Hi"

"I want you to look at something" She said with a voice loaded with 
fear.

"Come on in" He responded neutrally.
            
Immediately, she removed her robe, when he didn't respond she turned 
to look at him and flicked her eyes downwards, satisfied when he 
followed her direction. Restless, she waited for his judgement. 
Feeling his eyes burning into her skin, she started to regret her 
impulsive invasion of his privacy, her body grew hot under his intense 
stare and she shivered lightly from his fingers running over her skin.

This had been a mistake, how could she believe her body had forgotten 
his touches and his eyes' caressing? Feeling betrayed by her own body 
she sighed, it should remember another pair of hands and another pair 
of eyes and not foremost remember Mulder. Trying to recover she 
hissed.

"What are they?"

He stole another caress. "Mulder, what are they?"

Grinning he replied; "Mosquito bites."

Hurt by his grinning, she quickly asked. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I got eaten up alive myself out there." Before he could finish 
she throw herself into his arms, seeking the only real security she 
ever had known.

 "You ok?" Concern was thickening his voice.

"Yes!" She said and pulled back, shocked by her own reaction.

"Take you time" Pausing, he added. "You are shaking" Mulder reached 
for her not willing to let go of her just yet.

Moving away before his hand could touch her again, she replied. "I 
need to sit down." Her legs gave away under her fortunately the chair 
caught her easily and without any drama.

"You're not okay, are you?" He said from the other chair.

"Just a little shaken, mosquito bites never crossed my mind. Some 
doctor I am." She smiled a joyless smile.

"Take a minute on the bed, Dana" he offered.

Turning ice cold eyes towards him, she corrected his mistake, 
"Scully!" Watching the message sink in on him, she followed his 
request and sank into the bed. Staring at the ceiling, she breathed in 
deeply a few times calming her nerves and emotions.

After a few minutes she felt the bed shake slightly, Mulder sat on the 
floor leaning hard against the bed. She turned onto her side to face 
him and listened when he started his long tale of his sister's 
abduction. His words were like the pieces of a puzzle, every one 
uttered revealing another part of a picture. With the picture coming 
clear, she understood. Understood that Mulder had left her in a server 
crisis, he had suffered from trauma from a regression of the day his 
sister disappeared, and not from a dying love for her, but a crisis he 
had been unable to handle on his own. She was grateful, he had found 
his way through the ordeal; another piece of her heart healed.

"Come to bed, Mulder" She whispered softly, when he abruptly turned 
towards her, she reached for him, "come to bed, Mulder." She repeated.

In a swift movement, he crawled into bed and positioned next to her, 
facing her. For a long time they just looked into the other's eyes, 
both feeling like they were coming home from a long, lonely journey. 
Like another time in the past, she felt his lips moving softly against 
her lips and just like in the past, she parted her lips and gave him 
full access.

Another small piece of her heart healed.

Her body remembered and welcomed him home. It would always be a 
mystery how they ended naked within minutes. His feverish tongue 
teased her nipple possessively while his hand cupped her other breast. 
Past and present melted together with electricity bolting through her 
body as his mouth covered her wetness.

Her body shivered and hummed from pleasures, the moment his finger 
slid into her she came hard, screaming his name He still had this 
power over her body that nobody else had.

Hovering over her, he hoarsely mumbled, "God, I've missed you, seems 
you missed me as well."

Slipping her hand down his body she gently touched his cock, pleased 
with the hardness she found, she smiled "I see! Now, Mulder!" The 
teasing was over. She guided him into her hotness.

Both cried out the other's name when he entered her. Rolling onto his 
back Scully was on top of him, opening her legs farther, she straddled 
him and began to move, he was pulled deeply inside of her, sweetly 
deep inside of her.

"Jesus, so tight, wet and ready for me." He groaned "The best place I 
ever have been." He pulled her down on him for a hard, deep kiss. They 
touched the stars together. History repeating itself.

When she was certain he was sleeping, she quietly left his bed and 
room. His scent still lingered on her humming body, this time it 
wasn't sore from their activity. She wanted to fall asleep with his 
scent on her, not that she expected any sleeping this night, her sense 
of guilt too heavy. She had been unfaithful this night, for the first 
time in her life she had cheated on someone. The painful truth was; 
she didn't know who she had been cheating on or if tonight was the 
first time, really. Had she been cheating on her husband or on her 
boyfriend?

Her body fully content for the first time in years lulled her into a 
healing sleep, she had though impossible.

A few days later they returned to Washington DC. Not many words had 
being spoken on the trip home or in Oregon; both seemed lost in their 
own worlds and avoided any close or intimate contact. On the plane 
Scully had time to think, she had worked hard not to look at what had 
happened.


Scully's head was spinning with guilt and confusion, her standards and 
morals were normally well defined and crystal clear but who was she 
fooling, she was married and at the same time in a rather serious 
relationship with another man. She had let her religious and personal 
values slip through her hands in her hurt and discomfort, believing 
she had a right to some happiness but it wasn't really fair to Ethan, 
was it?

When the hope of Mulder returning to her eventually had become a dull 
ache in her heart and memory, she had moved on. Now, she had committed 
adultery, a deathly sin, and yet her body and mind felt more alive 
than ever. Ironic, wasn't it? Who had she wronged, Ethan or Mulder? If 
it was Ethan, it had been a one timer, something she would've to fix. 
If it was Mulder, she wasn't sure how to fix it. She wouldn't be the 
one applying for divorce, her vows counted for something. Did they? 
She hadn't acted that way in the past year.

Twisting and sighing in her flight seat, she was grateful Mulder was 
occupying three seats in front of her instead of sitting next to her.

A call from Ethan had awoken her the morning after she and Mulder's 
had made love; still in the arms of Morpheus, she had alertly mumbled. 
"Mulder?" into the phone. The sudden silence had scared her until 
Ethan spoke.

"Dana? That spooky Mulder is working you awful hard, I would say, if 
you expect a call from him at seven in the morning."

"Ethan! No he's not! It just a difficult case, I was afraid something 
had happen." She lied through her teeth, another new side of her.

"As long, as he knows the line between work and privacy?" The question 
mark in Ethan's voice was almost none existing, Scully ignored it.

"Are you coming home today, Dana? I miss you terrible and have been 
thinking of ways to show you, honey."

The seductive tone in his voice irritated her beyond reason, Ethan was 
a caring and honest man, he deserved better. The waves of guilt 
angered her, calming down, she realised she had no one to blame but 
herself. "I'm coming home the day after tomorrow, Ethan. I'll arrive 
late in the afternoon."

"You sound tired, Dana."

Closing her eyes for a moment, she allowed self pity to indulge her 
for a few seconds, "Yeah, like I said it's a difficult case."

"Honey, don't worry, I'll meet you at your apartment. Love you."

Unable to answer she hooked the receiver. It was so difficult to 
remember Ethan's face when Mulder's face was all she saw, with her 
eyes open or closed. What a mess.


Scully's Appartment
Georgetown    
           
Closing the door behind her she leaned against the door, finally able 
to breath freely, she allowed the pain to be a part of her. They 
hadn't dared to look at each other when parting in the airport, afraid 
of what she would find if looking into his soulful eyes, she had taken 
the coward's road. She couldn't bear it if she found nothing but 
indifference; that would break her beyond repair.

"Honey, is that you?" Ethan called from the bedroom, cursing her 
decision of giving him a key a few weeks ago, she exhaled sharply. 
"Yeah, it's me -- were you expecting somebody else?"

Coming into the living room, he smiled broadly, "of course not honey, 
you're all I want. You look tired, honey."

She allowed him to hug her and run his hands up and down her spine but 
turned her head forcefully away, when his lips came close to her 
mouth. She couldn't kiss him, it would be too intimate and too big a 
betrayal to her heart. She had found her answer; she had cheated on 
her husband the last year. Damn him, damn Mulder!

Stepping back Ethan searched her face, "What's the matter honey?"

"Uh huh, I'm just tired, bone tired. I need some time to readjust and 
get my mind of this case. I won't be good company tonight, Ethan. I'm 
sorry."

He hugged her tightly again, "Don't be honey, I'll make you dinner and 
you just relax. Tomorrow we can say properly hallo." He smiled of his 
own attempt of a joke.

They spent an awkward evening together, Ethan did his best to cheer 
her up and reassure her of his love and good intentions, all he manage 
was to add salt to her already bleeding wound. She tried to find the 
courage to confront him, to be honest with him but failed terribly. 
Suddenly, afraid of loosing everything, afraid she would find herself 
heartbroken and all alone, once again. Ethan had been nothing but good 
to her, he loved her and didn't demand all of her, not like Mulder 
always had. In her blaze of fear and guilt, she allowed Ethan to hold 
her in his arms that night, no kisses or intimate caresses were 
shared. He accepted her need for privacy, hoping she would be better 
of tomorrow.

Scully couldn't sleep, couldn't really relax in Ethan's arms, it felt 
wrong and lonely. Carefully, she rolled away from him and turning her 
back to him, she stared into the dark room. When she had meet Ethan, a 
year ago, she had stored her old bed away and replaced it with a new. 
The emotions and dreams shared in the old bed were too private to be 
ruined by replacements, and the dreams had dusted away and wouldn't be 
dreamed again, not unless..

She was startled by the phone, lifting the receiver quickly she hoped 
Ethan wouldn't be disturbed, this way she could avoid his hands and 
lips for a little longer.

"Scully it's me. I've been unable to sleep. We need to talk"

Mulder! Of course it was Mulder, who else felt the right to call her 
in the middle of the night. A silly rush of happiness and excitement 
ran through her body, he cared enough to call and enough to wanna 
talk. Or was it just based on guilt from his side, a mistake needing 
to be corrected. She couldn't handle it right now and not with Ethan 
in her bed.

"Tomorrow" She said.

When dawn broke, she gave up and made a cup tea. Sitting on the couch 
in the living room, she sipped her hot tea and admitted her true 
feelings; she loved Mulder, never had stopped. She had refused to 
acknowledge her heart. Lulled herself into believing, she loved Ethan 
in the right way. She loved him but not with her whole heart, only 
with a small part, a server damaged part. She only hoped she hadn't 
used him, she had believed they stood a chance, had believed they 
shared something special. Ethan had healed her with his kind and warm 
heart; he was a simple man just what she needed after the intensity of 
Mulder. But Ethan had only seen a dull shadow of her, he had never 
meet the passionate Dana Scully, the one who cried out his name in 
lovemaking and came hard into his mouth or cock. The sex between them 
had been sweet and nice, never passionate. Ethan was an old fashion 
man, oral sex was something almost forbidden. She hadn't missed it 
until that night in Oregon.

Her record with men wasn't real good she mused, Daniel and 
Mulder...Ethan was in his own league, sweet and plain. He deserved 
better. She could never offer him her whole heart, it was plain and 
clear, it belonged to another man. Their time together was over.

Refilling her cup, she retreated into the bathroom, sinking into the 
bath tube she relaxed and felt how the water rinsed her, confusion, 
denial and anger left her and was watched out with the water. She 
would be fine no matter what life had in store for her.

Getting dressed she wrote Ethan a note, explaining she had some work 
to finish and that they needed to talk later. No hugs or kisses ended 
the note; one lie was enough for one note.



Mulder's apartment
Arlington 7:02 P.M


Pausing outside his door, she took a few heavy breaths to steel 
herself for what ever Mulder might throw at her, a new beginning or a 
final ending.

Knocking softly, she prepared to wait for him to awake but within a 
second the door was thrown open.

"Come on in, Scully" He bid her, in his boxers, a tight t-shirt and 
his hair ruffled, he looked gorgeous. "You know the way."

Following him inside, she answered, "Yeah I do."

While Mulder jumped into a pair of jeans Scully looked around the 
apartment, he had changed little, her old couch still dominated one 
wall, the water tank another corner of the room and he hadn't replaced 
the few things she had taken with her, including the bed. Her heart 
missed a beat when she realised he spent his nights on the couch, it 
would mean he was sleeping alone... or spent his nights in another 
apartment. The joyous feeling left her with the last thought.

"New fishes?" She asked

"Yeah, fishes only live for so long. Mollies don't need so much care, 
anyway."

"I see."

"Scully, sit down I'll make us some coffee, you should feel at home 
here."

        
"Once I did" She said under her breath, he pretended no to hear. 
Returning with two steaming hot mugs, he sat next to her on the couch 
and next to the water tank. The same positions they had occupied so 
many times in the past, their past together.

"Haven't slept much either?" He broke the ice.

"No" Sipping the hot liquid, she avoided his eyes.

 "I owe you an apology, Dana..."

She broke him of, hissing; "Mulder!"

Taking the clue, "sorry, Scully. Not an apology for our night in 
Oregon but for leaving you... It can't be apologised really, I was a 
bastard. But the ground had disappeared underneath me, I didn't know 
who I was anymore and... and I felt I would cover you in dirt, stop 
you from breathing, if I stayed. I sacrificed you for finding the 
X-Files, thinking I had to choose."

"Did you ever love me, Mulder?" Her voice cracked from fear.

Locking eyes with her, he gave her a half smile; "Never stopped, not 
for one second."

"That's why you never applied for divorce?"

"Yeah. I wonder when you would; hoping against hope you wouldn't. Not 
fair was it, Scully?"

"Oh, Mulder, I couldn't!"

Taking her hand in his, he studied her fingers, instinctively her 
fingers played with the finger that once wore his wedding band.

"Are you involved with someone, Scully? I heard you phone ring at odd 
hours in Oregon"

Licking her lips, she looked into his sad eyes. "Yes I am, have been 
for the last year."

"Has he proposed marriage?"

"Yeah Mulder, he has." Ethan had been down to his knees twice the past 
three months, each time scaring her blood into ice.

"Which answer did you give him?"

"Mulder, you know perfectly well I can't marry Ethan, I'm not a 
bigamist!"

"But do you want to marry him?" He wouldn't let go.

Exhaling sharply her, answer came as sharply, "No!"

"Do you love him?"

 "I thought I did, thought a part of me had healed and forgot. What 
about you, Mulder?"

Playing with her fingers, he took a moment to reply. "No. I got 
involved soon after you." Scully closed her eyes in pain. "I'm not 
proud of myself Scully, I used her, used Diana's body to try and 
forget you. I never loved her, didn't really like her but she offered 
her body to me. She never made me forget, on the contrary, she made me 
remember. It was your body I saw, your lips I sought and your name I 
cried out in the night. It can't have been easy for her, it wasn't for 
me. Before long we drifted apart. I wanted to ask for your forgiveness 
but was too ashamed, knowing there was no forgiveness for my actions. 
I devoted my life to the X-Files and occasionally a one night stand 
when the pain became too unbearable. I've been a lone wolf since our 
short time together."
          
Not knowing what to say, she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Do you ever use my name, Scully?"

Lifting her head, she smiled faintly, "No, not once. To the world I'm 
Dana Scully."

"Well, Dana Scully Mulder is a long name, anyway" He frowned.

"Once it wasn't, Mulder." She frowned back. "Was our lovemaking a 
mistake to you, Mulder?" She couldn't hold back the question any 
longer.

"No! Not in a million years. It was the most right thing I've done 
since marrying you. You never were a mistake, Scully." Pausing, he 
fidgeted with her hand, "was it a mistake to you?"

"God no! It just made me wonder who I was cheating on, you or Ethan."

"And which conclusion have you come to?" Holding his breath, he 
awaited her answer.

"You."

Exhaling, he relaxed.

Taking a mug in each hand Scully got up and shuffled into the kitchen 
to refill them, the air between them had become too intense and too 
close to a point, where there would be no turning back, was she ready? 
And which final did she want?

Shuffling back to the couch, she handed him the mug with the black 
coffee, she hoped she had remembered correctly when she refilled the 
mugs. Anyway, they wouldn't share anything they hadn't shared before, 
if he had gotten the wrong mug. Her body heated up by the mere though 
of their last night together.

 "Something's wrong, Scully?"

"No, just a little thrill." She was becoming good at lying.

"Mulder, what should we do, what do you want to do?" The moment to ask 
the question was long overdue; she needed to face the consequences.

"I can't bear to loose you again, Scully. I want you. I love you." His 
lying days were over.

"Please, don't lie Mulder, I can't take that." Softly, she began to 
cry, the stakes suddenly too high to be overlooked or denied any 
longer.

Wrapping his arms around her, he whispered into her ear, "I'm not 
lying. I love you Scully, never stopped. I want us to be together."

Still crying, she hang on to him for dear life, "I love you Mulder, 
don't ever leave me again."

"I won't, not if I can choose. You want me?"

"Yeah I do, Mulder. But I need time, time to end it with Ethan in a 
dignified way and time to adjust to us again. I won't make the same 
mistake rushing into things this time. We'll have to take it nice and 
slow. Ok?"

"Ok, Scully" He would've agreed to anything as long as she stayed with 
him.

Pulling her down with him on the couch, he spread small kisses to her 
face, soothing her sobbing body. "It'll be ok, Scully, relax for 
awhile with me."

Kissing her on her hair and stoking her back he soothed her into 
sleep, exhausted she felt like she had just run a marathon to find her 
way back home, home to where she belonged. She belonged here in 
Mulder's arm, on their old couch.

Later Scully slowly came to herself; the sweet scent she breathed in 
cracked a smile on her face, Mulder's scent! What a treat. Lifting her 
head, she saw that he was still sleeping. Still, smiling she sneaked 
her hand in under his t-shirt, stroking his chest and abdomen softly. 
Unable to restrict herself; she straddled him and lifted his t-shirt 
up, bowing her head down she ran her tongue gently over his nipples. 
They hardened immediately under her tender caresses, bolder by his 
reacting, she took one nipple in between her lips and sucked, her 
other hand stoke his other nipple. He moaned in his sleep and grew 
hard under her centre.

Pleased that she still had this power over him, she changed her focus 
to his other nipple, sucking and biting for awhile. Needing a more 
intimate contact she slid further down and unzipped his jeans, pushing 
his boxers as much down as possible, she bowed her head and licked the 
sensitive head on his cock. Mulder groaned deeply and moved under her. 
Parting her lips she sucked him in as long as she could; he thrust 
into her in respond.

"Jesus, Scully. So good...It's been such a long time...Ah, Jesus." He 
groaned under his breath.

Running her tongue down his length, she cupped his balls and pressed 
them gently, licking her way back up, she closed her mouth around his 
impossible hard cock.

"God Dana...Scully you need to stop...too good...Oh, Scully...Stop!"

Obeying, she pulled up until she was at eyes level with him, 
"Something wrong, Mulder?"

Attacking her mouth, he kissed her deep and hard, coming up for air he 
moaned, "I need to be inside you, Scully please."

Feeling how painfully wet and swollen she had become, she couldn't 
agree more. In a rush she threw her clothes on the floor; it was a bit 
awkward due to their position on the couch. Finally Mulder was rid of 
his clothes as well; looking into his eyes she straddled him again and 
guided him into her wetness.

"God Mulder" she cried out when she swallowed his length.

"Scully, I love you." He cried back.

The sensation overwhelmed them both, emotions and passion threading to 
drown them, in an effort to find some grounding, he cradled her head 
and pulled her down to his mouth. The kiss re-connected them and the 
danger of drowning disappeared. Fear of hurt and loss vanished and 
soul reached for soul in a remaking of their vows. This was home!

His hand started to rub her clit in need of climaxing together with 
her, instantly Scully was hit by a strong current "Good, so good 
Mulder. Oh..."

"Always so tight and wet for me Scully... Oh...Oh...Good...only for me 
Scully?"

"Only...for...you...Jeez Mulder...Now..."

She tightened hard around him, pushing him over the edge at the same 
time she went, he came hard into her, giving her his very essence.

"Mulder..." She gasped, riding her orgasm of with his final thrusts. 
"Scully" he groaned "I love you"

"Love you, too." She rested her head in the soft spot between his 
shoulder and head. Still, connected, she kissed his neck softly. 
"Mulder, you know nobody makes me feel like you do, don't you?"

"I like to think so, hope no one else can have with you what I've. 
Hope that you're all mine."

The ring from her cell phone startled them both, "Yeah well, guess 
I've somewhere to be before I can be all yours. " Her words were kept 
in a light tone. She lifted up for a last kiss before he slipped out 
of her. "Um, I need a shower."

"Feel at home. I'll even give you a key!" He too tried hard to keep a 
light tone.

Blushing, she giggled, "No need, I already have one."

"Then it's a good thing I never changed the lock, isn't it Mrs. 
Mulder?"

"Mulder, don't call me that, I'll like to keep it our secret -- I 
enjoy working with you."

"Done deal, agent Scully -- I would hate to loose a good partner."



Scully's apartment
Georgetown 16:26 A.M


"Dana, where have you been? I was worried sick when you didn't answer 
your cell. I've been calling you since nine o'clock this morning. Your 
note scared me. I called your office, you wasn't there."

Guilt had an ugly taste, sour and bitter it invaded her mouth. Her 
content body suddenly felt like a shameful sin. "Uh huh, Ethan I was 
working in the lab, sorry I missed your calls." There was mo need to 
hurt him with honesty; her breaking up would be enough pain for him to 
take. He needn't know she had been cheating on him and replaced him 
without a second thought. The burden of knowing the truth would be 
hers, confining in him would be a misplaced attempt of seeking 
forgiveness and reducing her own weight of guilt.


She had never wanted to hurt him, all she had wanted was to care and 
maybe one day love this good man. He had been nothing but good to her. 
Someday, he would make some lucky lady happy. His love may not be as 
intense as Mulder's but it was honest and didn't burn, but she already 
had Mulder's burn marks on her. Ethan had never stood a real chance, 
she was sorry for that and hoped he had been happy with her for the 
past year. Then maybe she would be able to forgive herself.

"Dana, please tell me what's wrong, you've been acting strange since 
going to Oregon."

"Oh Ethan, I'm so very sorry but..." Tears blinded her eyes.

"But what Dana, it can't be that bad, can it?"

"Yes, it can, Ethan. There is no easy way to say this so I'll just say 
it. It's over I'm breaking up with you." Oh, it was harder than 
expected, he stared at her in disbelieve and with tears in his eyes.

"Please, don't cry Ethan, I'm not worth it." She stepped back when he 
reached for her, it was not in her power to comfort him and physic 
contact was out of the question. Her touches belonged to another man; 
they were a part of her she couldn't share with Ethan anymore. She 
understood that her coldness would hurt him but she couldn't cross 
that line anymore.

"Dana, I love you. Why? Why are you doing this?" Again he reached for 
her and again she avoided his arms, this time she could see he noticed 
and saw the hurt he felt when she rejected him.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she met his hurt eyes, "I've run out 
of love for you, Ethan. I won't hurt you by pretending for a time to 
come that I'm still in love with you."  "How? When? We're ok before 
you were assigned to this case." His brain needed to find an 
explanation, something he could connect the pain to.

Shaking her head and drying her eyes, she spoke the truth, she had 
only come to realise a few days ago. "No we weren't. If we had been 
fine, I would've accepted your proposal three months ago, I would 
never have doubted our love as I did. I can't marry you Ethan. I don't 
want to marry you. There is no reason to stay together."

"What if I think there is a reason to stay together? I love you, 
Dana!"

"Would you be happy knowing I don't love you?"


Ethan stepped back from her; her words had finally hit a nerve in him 
and for a time, he just stared at her. Saw the pain mixed with 
finality in her eyes, saw she felt compassion and friendship for him 
but any deeper feelings were gone from her eyes. "No I wouldn't. But 
if you change your mind don't hesitate to call me, our time together 
have been the happiest year in my life."

Scully lacked the energy to watch him pack the few belongings he had 
in her home; instead she paddled into her bathroom and rinsed her tear 
stuck face with cold water. Once again her life had been turned upside 
down and she was grateful. This time it had given her Mulder back.

It was hard saying goodbye to Ethan, he wanted desperately to hug her 
and have a final kiss and she just couldn't give it to him. Her hugs 
and kisses weren't for him to take. But she did remember, how badly 
she had wanted these same things from Mulder when he left her, hoping 
it would make him remember how much he loved her and how good her lips 
felt. She wouldn't take the bait, knowing Ethan's lips had never 
touched her heart but barely brushed it. There was no untamed love to 
remember but a friend's healing love. For that she was grateful.

Drained, she found her way to her bedroom, curling up on her side of 
the bed she stared into the wall. Her hand reached out and opened the 
bedside table, her fingers travelled to the far corner and made 
contact with the desired object. Closing her hand around it, she 
withdrew her hand, when her hand was at level with her eyes she opened 
her hand and placed the object between two fingers. Twisting it gently 
between her fingers, she watched it closely; it was her wedding band. 
A beautiful mixture of red and white gold. How she had loved that 
ring.

Lost in her own world she just stared at the ring.

"Having second thoughts, Mrs. Mulder?" His voice interrupted her.

Bolting up she looked for her weapon, recognizing the voice she 
relaxed. "How did you get in, Mulder"

He waved a key in his hand, "you gave me a key, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah I do. What are you doing here?"

He sat next to her on the bed, his hand found his wallet in his 
pocket. "Came to see if you were ok, you didn't answer your cell."

"Oh, it must be in the bathroom." Her eyes followed his fingers 
unzipping his wallet and withdrawing a shinny object, "Uh, see I got a 
matching one. Very exciting."

 "You know, I only stopped wearing mine around my neck, next to my 
cross, a year ago when I met Ethan." She took his ring and read the 
inscription "Always, Dana."

"Mine have been in my wallet since you moved out of the apartment. 
Read the inscription in your ring, Scully"

"Always, Mulder."

Kissing her temple, he whispered, "I think I will add Scully into my 
ring, Dana Scully. Past and present."

"Good thinking, Mulder," she was pleased, "but we can't wear them."

"New bed, Scully?"

Leaning into him, she softly said, "Yeah, new bed. Would you like to 
help me replace it with our old one?"

"Sure, it would be my pleasure."


They kept their words, taking it nice and slow. Mulder didn't come 
over every night but they did spend a few nights together during the 
week. Foremost they worked together and readjusted to each other, much 
had changed over the last years and much hadn't. Their connection as 
strong as ever and and still they communicated without words.

It would've been easy to just resume their old lives, spending every 
moment together but Scully wouldn't jeopardize her marriage again, so 
she held back. Mulder accepted that until Ethan started to call her 
and asking her out. He wouldn't take no for an answer and called her 
both at home and at the office. Irrationally, Mulder started to call 
her repeatedly, checking her every move. Dealing with both men 
exhausted her.

It was into this field of mines Phoebe Green made her grand entrance 
and what an entrance, Mulder was an easy target in his self installed 
self pity. Scully could only watch him fading away from her and 
stopping to call her more than once in the night. Knowing Mulder's 
taste for drama, she wasn't seriously worried until she witnessed his 
tender dancing and kissing with Phoebe outside the ballroom at the 
hotel.

It wasn't fair, she hadn't kissed or touched Ethan once since Oregon 
and here Mulder was; making out with a woman who didn't care for him. 
What a jerk!

Unable to ignite her anger, she came to Mulder's rescue and nursed 
him. He reacted with childish logic asking her where Ethan was, she 
didn't dignified it with an answer. Instead she kept her distance and 
watched. Mulder never touched Phoebe Green again. In the darkness, 
Scully wondered if there was a curse on them, everything had been fine 
for four months, the same period of time before hell broke loose in 
their first attempt of a relationship. Maybe Mulder would never last 
for more than four to five months with her?

Back in Washington she used her key to lock into Mulder's apartment, 
they needed to talk but Mulder avoided her. She had grown to hate his 
apologising puppet eyes, if just the man would open his mouth; it was 
so unlike him to be a loss for words, when normally he never shut his 
mouth but to breath.

"Um. Scully is that you?"

"Yeah, have you given a copy of your key to others, Mulder?"

He came into view; "Of course not."

"Then why did you ask if it was me, the answer must have been clear." 
Scully was already irritated.

"Uh huh, you could be a vision, in some cultures the soul can travel 
and materialize in other places. Not uncommon at all, Scully"

Lifting her eye brow, she hissed. "Cut the crab, Mulder. My soul is 
grounded to my body. I've no difficulties in knowing where I want to 
be, not like certain others."

Trying to buy time he offered: "Coffee?"

"No!"

Scully walked to the couch and placed her legs on the small table in 
front of her. "Start talking, Mulder. I don't have all day."

"Oh, and where is"

Staring coldly at him, she interrupted. "Don't. This has nothing to do 
with Ethan, you overheard me repeatedly telling him no, explaining my 
feelings hadn't changed. And you were here when I directly asked him 
not to call me again. This is all about you, Fox Mulder."

Sitting next to her, he began. "I know I kissed her, Scully. But I 
don't know why. I was and am perfectly content with you and me. I 
admit, I was scared of loosing you to Ethan he seemed so determinate, 
but that's not an excuse of my behaviour. I won't insult you by saying 
Phoebe kissed me."


Sighing, she looked at him. "Is this how it's gonna be each time you 
feel insecure or I don't give you every minute of my day?"

His lower lip perked out, "Of course not. I promise."

"Good, if we don't have trust we have nothing. We need some time 
apart, I time need to forgive you and find some meaning in everything 
we've been through. I'm not leaving you, have that in mind."

With that she walked out of the door, the road to making amends was 
covered with thorns and tears, it seemed. Taking the road less 
travelled wasn't always easy and their history was a wound easily 
reopened, perhaps an easy and quick recovery had been too much asking 
for. Sensing nothing would come easy or straightforward to them, she 
asked for patience and hope. Looking up at the moon, she wondered how 
many tears she would cry over her husband in the future.


Epilogue

In the years to come, she was grateful that her question wasn't 
answered that night, unsure of how she would've found the strength or 
courage to continue her life with Mulder and the X-Files, had she 
known. Their life together had started perfectly but from the day the 
X-Files came into their lives, they started living on the edge, always 
only a step away from disaster and the consuming darkness. The 
darkness that followed the X-Files demanded everything she had to give 
but Mulder.

Mulder became the touchstone in her life -- again - in 1993, like she 
became his. Their love for each other kept them sane and alive, but so 
many tears were cried in the years after their encounter with Phoebe 
Green in 1993. It became impossible for her to count the tears cried 
for Mulder; impossible to keep record of them. So many reasons would 
appear for crying: jealousy, fear, loss, love, joy and rarely 
happiness.

Mulder would drift momentarily, when they were on questionable terms, 
only once would he cheat. If it could really fall into the category of 
cheating, her family considered her death and her gravestone was 
bought. She had been abducted, vanished. Mulder never let go of his 
guilt of finding a brief moment of comfort in another woman's arms. He 
wasn't unsure of what to name his adventure; infidelity. Scully was 
indecisive, honestly indifferent; it was a drop in the ocean compared 
to what her abduction cost her, in the longer run.

Scully drifted momentarily, Ed, her nameless date and Daniel, yes 
Daniel returned and so did Diana. She never was physically unfaithful 
but she drifted emotionally, when the pressure of dealing with Mulder, 
his quest for finding the truth and the X-Files became too heavy. With 
his intensity Mulder demanded every part of her, down to her last 
cell.


When they finally made peace with their destinies, stopped fighting it 
and accepted their part in fighting the darkness and admitted they 
belonged together, their drifting became unnecessary.

But the river of tears didn't stop.  There were other reasons for 
crying: cancer, brain wave's disorder, abduction, loss of dear ones, 
searching for a lost sister and the closings of the X-Files.... Their 
son, William. So many reasons: all oddly countable and measurable.
 
The darkness kept coming at them trying to part them, the only light 
in it all was their love for each other, and bright as the morning 
star it always guided them home. They sacrificed everything but each 
other.

But the tears kept falling.
 
But she would do it all over again; their bond was what had kept her 
alive all these years, her only regret was William, she cursed the 
darkness for the cruel loss of her baby boy, the son she never 
expected to have. A gift from god. If only she could've protected him 
a little longer then maybe he would've been with them today, instead 
of living with strangers. But she had never stood a chance, from the 
day William was conceive her child had been a threat to powerful 
forces and men. She had given him up to keep him alive.

She hated how the darkness kept coming at them, wishing somebody else 
could take their places in fighting for light and a future for 
mankind. But - she would do it all over again.

And the tears kept falling.

Tears from the moon...