From: SrahMcK Date: 22 Jan 2002 01:43:09 GMT Subject: NewFic - There was Love Source: atxc Title: There was Love Author: Sarah "Rah" M. E-mail: SrahMcK@aol.com or GarlandSong@aol.com Feedback: God, yes! I'm definitely still learning. Keywords: Post-ep. Spoilers: Through season 8. Archive: Ephemeral, Gossamer, Haven if I'm so honored, and anywhere else if asked. Disclaimer: Not mine. Scully and Mulder belong to each other. Summary: This covers what DeadAlive and Three Words left out. I thought that Three Words was sorely lacking in emotion or, at least, explanaition of emotion, so I thought I'd add in a thing or two. Notes: I'm not an accomplished author, yet. I am trying to write bits and pieces and find my way. Someday I'd like to write a novel, but for now, please be patient with my attempts and writing. This is my second X-Files fanfic attempt. More notes at the end. --- "You're in the arms of the angel... may you find some comfort here." --- She stared at his mutilated face feeling particularly hopeless and sad. Grief hadn't set in - she wouldn't allow it. As long as there was breath in his body she wouldn't give up on him. She gazed at his rough, course fingers, brushing her thumb over them. She was considering laying her head down to calm her restless nerves when she thought she felt movement. It was a bare twitch - it could have been her imagination, only it hapened again. Her mouth droped open a little as her heard dropped to her feet only to come back up and catch in her throat. 'Please, God," was her only thought for a moment, and then his head shifted. She watched the movement wonderingly, his name escaping her lips of it's own accord. "Mulder...?" His eyes cracked open just barely, the area around them red and angry, but his eyes... those beautiful eyes that had looked at her with all the expressions she loved... his eyes remained the same glorious hazel that they had always been except to change color when the light flickered or he felt extremely passionate about a subject. Those eyes would then darken just a shade to take on a new and more dangerous hue that still excited her. She gasped a little, managing a single syllable. "Hi..." she whispered. He looked at her with a calm, unreadable expression that might have hinted at attempted amusement as he murmered, "Who are you?" Scully's heart dropped for a totally different reason. Her breath caught and she tried to steady her emotionas, almost to the point of shutting them down when she saw his adorably infuriating little quirky smile. "Oh my God," she half exclaimed, half sobbed. "Don't do that to me..." She was too relieved to be angry with him. She breathed the air around them, feeling the life that crackled in it, knowing that it coursed through both of them. Living, alive Mulder. "Do you know..." she faultered. "Do you have any idea," how much I love you... how much I missed you... how much I worried about and searched for you... "what you've been through?" His head shook a little. "Only what I see in your face," he said with a little more strength, his eyes searching. Tears fell from Scully's own eyes and she couldn't help reaching out to stroke his hair, smooth it around his face. His lips moved as if he wanted to say something but she just smiled at him, laying her head on his shoulder. Mulder was stunned. What could have happened to affect her this way? Seven years go by and he wakes up to find her more affectionate, more loving, more... more needy!... than she had ever been. It was too much to work out with his muddled senses so he decided to accept and enjoy the much wanted contact. He wanted to say something to her. "Anybody miss me?" he quipped, delighted when a sobbing laugh was elicted as an answer. She lifted her head to press her nose into his shoulder and laid her head back down. Mulder was feeling at peace for the moment and too tired to wonder what was going on just yet. He drifted off to sleep to the feel of Scully's breath puffing against his chest in affirmation of life and love. * Ow. Bright light. Not good. Alien ship? No.... worse. Morning in a hospital. Mulder groaned, causing Scully to shift into groggy alertness. Scully opened her eyes to be greeted by a white and blue hospital gown in close proximity to her face. She might have been alarmed if images of the previous night weren't beginning to float through her brain. She had finally fallen asleep hours after Mulder had, passing the time just by watching him breathe and knowing that he would wake up again. She smiled and lifted her head, steeling herself before looking down at him and finding that she was so glad to have him there that she didn't care what she looked like. 'Getting awfully mushy in your old age, Dana,' she thought wryly. Ooch. Scully sat up and clutched her stomach with a small gasp as the baby shifted. She rubbed her belly for a moment before noticing that the bed next to her was very, very still. She peeked at Mulder to see a wid-eyed gaze from him that reminded her very much of a little boy in a candy shop. He stuttered for a moment a bit like porky the pig before managing, "Guess it worked, huh?" She grinned. "Yep. Sure did." He glanced at her face with a half grin before settling his gaze back on her stomach. "Boy or girl?" "Don't know yet. But you'll be there with me to find out." He looked at her longer. "Yeah. I sure will." He obviously struggled with something for a few minutes. "I do wonder, Scully, why there was a possibility that I wouldn't have been around or why, in fact, you're several months pregnant and I didn't know about it." He watched her face, curious and a bit frightened. Scully looked down and straightened her shoulders. She looked directly at Mulder and said to him, "These last six months have been a bitch, Mulder. What's the last thing you remember?" His gaze turned inward for a moment. "Darkness... middle of the night, I think. Oh, yeah... going out with Skinner on a hunch that we'd find a force field. Did we?" He looked at her wonderingly. "Yeah, you did." She sighed, blocking the upset she felt at recalling these memories. "Skinner saw you walk into it and you disappeared. And you've been missing ever since then, Mulder, until we found you in the desert about a week ago with Teresa Hose. You were dead." She looked squarely at him, showing acceptance and unbreachable strength. "We buried you, we dug you up, we put you on life support, and you woke up last night." She said in a rush, not looking at him until the end. He nodded slowly, apparently not completely digesting the words. "Okay. I guess that explains it." She nodded. "Scully... where do we go from here?" "Let's just see what the doctor says." * "To be honest... your condition may be more incredible than your recovery." The doctor soberly alluded. Scully gracefully took up where he left off. "Whatever... neurological condition you were suffering from is no longer detectable." She looked positively flabbergasted. "Transfusions and antivirals have rid your body of the virus. Your scars..." she began to look as grateful as she was amazed. "on your face, your hands, your feet, your chest - they seem to be repairing themselves." Scully now looked perfectly at peace. "Mulder, you are in perfect health." She internally shook her head and threw up her hands at the wonders of the world. After this, she would believe anything, and she sure wasn't going to knock or question this miracle. "Wow," he muttered. Mulder couldn't think about it. He couldn't digest it - it made no sense. "How do you feel, Agent Mulder?" the doctor put in. "Like Austin Powers." he quipped casually for lack of anything better to say. Scully smiled radiantly. "Let's get you home." He nodded and they headed for the bathroom to change. They walked slowly but not slowly enough to insult Mulder's capabilities. He liked to be coddled up to a point and beyond that it was proceed at your own risk. Scully liked to push those bounderies sometimes but this was not the time. She opened the door for him, shutting it after he slid in. Mulder jumped a little when she gunned the ignition and she smiled apologetically. The ride home was comfortably silent to Scully, but Mulder's thoughts were churning. Scully was pregnant. He hadn't been there. Scully was pregnant with his child. Scully was pregnant with his child and he hadn't been there. Where had he been? He felt the scars on his face, on his body - he knew the parallels to the other abductions and he knew what had happened. It was proof of what he had believed in and he couldn't remember it. Put it all together and Scully was pregnant with his child and he hadn't been there and coudn't even remember what it had been like where he was. Mulder decided that this brilliant internal monologue he was having needed to have some purpose so he delved a little bit deeper. This child was his, wasn't it? Who else's could it be? Of course it was his. That was a definite yes - but the question was, where did he fit in with this child's life? It wasn't as though it was something Scully and he had discussed at length. He had agreed to help her have a child - she hadn't mentioned helping to raise it or moving in or... marriage? He shuddered not out of revoltion but of excitement at the thought. He hadn't considered himself to be a marrying man but with Scully the thought was right and natural. His thoughts began to scatter. Marry, but did she want to marry? The child was his and he wanted to help raise it but did she want him to? Wait a goddamned minute... what had happened to the X-Files through all this? Were they gone? Had Scully stayed on the job? He began to realize that these thoughts paled in comparison to the miraculous pregnancy but he felt the familiarity of the irrational and illogical thoughts. He wasn't a terribly logical person and was naturally irrational. He felt right at home and continued stewing until he realized that they had arrived at his apartment. His apartment? She had kept his apartment? What did this mean? He examined the thought suspiciously. Mulder followed Scully into his apartment, taking his time to absorb the familiar territory. He stood there in silence as Scully moved over to set his bags on the couch. Mulder didn't feel anything particularly extraordinary - it didn't feel as though he had been away from there for a long time. Something didn't feel quite right, though... something very odd... "Something's different." Scully looking around. "It's clean." Mulder felt a flash of amusement and something else he couldn't quite identify... it felt something like gratitude. "That's it." He moved towards his fish tank, which looked the same because he always kept it clean. "Where's Aunt Molly?" Scully sighed. "She wasn't as lucky as you." She looked around for something to break the silence. She finally decided to bite the bullet and talk about what was on her mind. "Mulder..." she began hesitantly. This wasn't easy at all. "I don't know... if you'll ever understand what it was like." She took a breath, wishing this part was already over but feeling the need to say it. "First learning of your abduction... and then searching for you..." she took another breath, not looking straight at him. "and then finding you dead." She looked at him then for a reaction and for support. He only nodded and she felt a stab of annoyance at his despondancy. She took another stab at it. "And now to have you back..." Mulder reminded her then of a teenage boy trying to act cool. "Well, you act like you're suprised." Scully didn't understand what he was trying to do. Did he want to put her at ease? It wasn't working, dammit! She calmed her nerves and tried to convey her sincere emotion on the subject. "I prayed a lot. Now my prayers have been answered." He motioned towards her. "In more ways than one." He gave her a slight smile. "Yeah." She whispered. "I'm happy for you." He said, sincere but remote. "I know how much that means to you." Scully had been looking down and felt momentary satisfaction at the words before looking up in gradual realization. 'He's not claiming this child as his own. Doesn't he care?!' "Mulder..." she said, hurt to an extreme. "I'm sorry." Mulder felt supremely off balance and impatient. "I don't mean to be cold or ungrateful. I just don't know where I fit in." 'I need time,' his mind screamed. He made himself relax and shut his thoughts off. "I'm just having a little trouble processing." he calmly stated. Scully stared at him in disbelief. She didn't know why she couldn't believe this was happening - this was the same Mulder that she had always had. She just remembered him a little more... sensitively. 'Get back to reality, Dana.' she firmly told herself and with that thought in mind, took his bags back to his bedroom and set them down. 'I won't cater to him. He needs time. I'll leave him be.' Scully returned to the room to find Mulder reclining on the couch, his eyes shut, asleep. She left him that way. * The next day, Mulder watched Scully and Skinner leave, sitting down and thinking hard about what he had learned. He had been nonchalant and laid back while his former (former??) partner and boss were there, but inside his mind was a whirlwind, his emotions tying him up in knots. Scully had had a partner. A partner who wasn't him. Never mind that Kersh wanted him out of the bereau - fuck Kersh! Scully had had a partner that wasn't him, and a partner with one hell of a stupid name to boot. Dogget? What kind of a name was that? He decided not to take into consideration that his name was nothing to write home about, either. The question came again - where did he fit in? Did he have a place in Scully's life? Did he have a place in the world at all? Was his gun still in his top drawer ready to shoot this new man in Scully's life? * Scully wearily shut the door to her apartment, locking the door and heading for her bedroom. She kicked her shoes off without prelude and went straight for her haven - her diary. This was special to her because it was not a field journal or a work journal - it was a Dana Scully personal thoughts diary where she could be a woman, not just an FBI agent. "Journal- I'm ready to either shoot Mulder or kiss him, both of which are nice thoughts but neither of which seem to be available. He looked right at home in the old office today and I was comfortable seeing him there, were it not for the fact that he wasn't supposed to be there and could get in trouble. He couldn't have cared less but I was a bit upset about it all. I wish he'd just tone it down a little - ever since the shock wore off he's been in overdrive when it comes to work. He's as sharp as ever. Walzed right in there with information no one else had and offered it to us - for a price. That was several days ago. I'm not going to go into all the bullshit that's happened since then - it's been tedious and I don't want to put it in here. I want to talk about Mulder. He's like a little kid sometimes! Doesn't care about the rules - just wants to do it his own way and get it done. And he does get it done, and right. But I get the feeling that he's hurting somewhere inside and that triggers a similar feeling in myself. I'm ready for us to talk - really talk about what's going on between us. And we're going to do that right now." Scully shut her diary, undressing and slipping into jeans and a t-shirt, donning her sneakers and grabbing her keys to head out the door. * Mulder peeked through the eyehole in his door, recognizing Scully and unable to supress pleasure at seeing her at such a late hour. It meant she was thinking of him. He had been thrown way off balance in meeting her very strange and obviously incapable partner, plus having to work with him at close proximity. He was definitely ready for some alonetime with Scully to work things out. He gratefully opened the door to let her in. Scully marched right in and faced him squarely. "Now listen here, Mulder. We're going to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you and we're going to talk about it right now. You've been childish and immature and just plain stupid since we got you out of the hospital and I want to know what it's all about. So we're going to talk. Talk!" She glared at him. "Okay." He smiled at her. "Let's go sit down." Scully could have been knocked over with a feather at that point. "Right... okay. Let's go sit down. What's up, Mulder?" It was a familiar line and it warmed both of them especially since they were about to breach personal bounderies. Mulder wasn't as comfortable now that he was actually going to talk. How could he put this to where he wouldn't sound nuts? "I'm worried about us." That was a good start. "Us?" Scully looked at him questioningly. "What about us?" "Is there an us?" "Of course there's an us!" "Okay. So there's an us. That's good to know. Okay..." he thought for a few moments. "What am I to you?" Scully looked at him. "God, Mulder... you're... uh, you're... you're... a whole lotta something, that's for sure. You're... a big part of my life." Scully was acutely aware that she sounded nothing like herself. This was an area she hadn't gone into before. At least, not with Mulder sitting there. She blew out a breath. "Mulder, what exactly has been making you so prickly since you... got back?" He thought about that for a moment. "I don't know how you feel about me or where I fit into your life. We're not partners anymore, Scully... that was what had kept us together." Now she had something to work with. "If you think that's the only thing that kept us together, then you're crazier than I thought you were, Mulder. Do you think I would have been with you all these years through everything we've been through if I didn't..." she faltered before regaining strength. "if there wasn't more to it than that?" Mulder was slightly amused - she was still beating around the bush, but he now suspected that there was actually good news to be had. He just needed to hear it. "What is there to it?" It came down to a choice and an admission. Was she willing to expose herself completely? Peel back the last layer? "There's love." He smiled that full, toothy smile she adored. "Yeah, there is, isn't there?" Mulder stood up, towering over her for a moment before gently lowering himself down beside her. "There's love." He whispered, and gauged her reaction, finding her wanting as he did and pressing their lips together, one of each of their hands resting over their baby. There certainly was love. -End- Notes: I don't have a beta reader and I write this without revisions (I find it's best for me not to stew about a story). I hope you enjoyed it. Feedback would be wonderful, if you have a moment. Thanks for reading!