From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 19 Jan 2002 00:22:31 -0000
Subject: repost: Thoughts by Lauren
Source: direct

Reply To: ScullyMulder4ev@digitalxfiles.com


Title: Thoughts
Author: Lauren
Rating: PG
Classification: VRA
Keywords:MSR
Spoilers: Up to TINH
Disclaimer:  They are definitely NOT mine!
Summary: Scully reflects on the death
 of Mulder
Feedback is ALWAYS welcomed: 
ScullyMulder4ev@hotmail.com
Author's note:  Well, please send me feedback as we
 all know I need a little help and encouragement! ;)

Many people live their lives reliving the past and 
applying it to the future.  I, unlike most people, 
am reliving the past, and I'm stuck there.  Like a 
CD that keeps repeating the same phrase, I keep 
remembering one moment; one memory that plagues my
days and nights like a cancer quickly spreading 
throughout my mind.  The darkness now constantly 
envelopes my mind with the memory of him.I try to 
remember the time in Hollywood with the FBI credit 
card, or the days we stayed home, lost in each other. 
But, those are few and far between.  They are lakes 
in a desert.  No, the memory that pulls me further 
and further form sanity are of THAT night.  The pale,
gaunt features associated with the man that had once 
taught me how to play baseball in the moonlight.  The
cold face that had warmed mine with kisses and the 
rigid arms that held me one night I was cold and 
frightened.  When I think of the good, the bad always 
follows.  But now as I ponder, I believe that in order 
to value the good you must also accept the bad that comes
with it.  One day, I hope I can look back at this time 
and smile.  Smile because right now, I am carrying a 
beautiful child that he left me.  Smile like he used to 
when he walked into a room and saw me.  Then, maybe the 
bad won't be so horrible.