Ties That Bind part 1 of 11 By Stephanie Feldman Archive: Gossamer Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape. Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R. Date: April 16, 1999 Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US) Disclaimers: Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of my own sick and twisted mind. Summary: Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully. Note: This story contains acts of the graphic, non-consensual sexual nature between Mulder and another male. The scenes are extremely graphic, so if this is not your cup of tea, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00 and do not send flames, as they will be ignored, but sent back 10 fold. Everyone still present, please send feedback. I'm hungry. ALL NON ADULTS TURN BACK NOW! I TAKE NO BLAME IN CORRUPTING THE MINDS OF THE YOUNG, HOWEVER NON-INNOCENT THEY MAY BE. I ONLY CORRUPT MINDS OF THE ADULTS! http://home.crosswinds.net/~sunshynx/index.html sunshynx@go.com or sunshynx@mailcity.com Now...ON WITH THE SHOW! ************************************************************************************** Teaser: ************************************************************************************** Somewhere in the D.C. Area March 2, 1999 1:30am It was raining, but he could hardly feel it, as the soft drops fell lightly on his head. He was walking in a somewhat stooped manner, head bowed. He felt like the world was going to come crashing down on him. Everything he knew to be true, and right with the world, (or thought he did) was disappearing, along with the only person that mattered to him in the world. How could she say that to me? He thought. How could she say that I don't trust her, and then just walk away? Doesn't she know that she's everything to me? Hell, He didn't even know what she meant to him half the time, how on earth did he expect HER to? All he knew was that he could feel her slipping away; and he couldn't let that happen. "Scully..." He muttered. Damn! He knew that he was letting Diana push all his buttons, (and she new just how to push) he thought, but Scully, she knew Diana was bad. Why couldn't he have seen it sooner? He still wasn't completely certain of her complicity, but he knew that Diana could no longer be trusted, as he once had. Not after that Black lunged bastard had let himself into her apartment with his own key. Mulder stumbled slightly as he stepped off of the curb, getting ready to cross the street. He was drunk. He knew it, and he knew that he shouldn't have had that last beer that pushed him, stumbling, over the edge, but he just wanted to dull the pain. God, Scully had been so angry. He couldn't bear to see her so angry, let along know that it was himself that had put her in that state. He knew he was only succeeding in pushing her farther away, but every time he opened his mouth lately, he couldn't help but shove his size 11's into it. Earlier today, he'd managed to actually fit both in. Mulder cursed, as he realized that he must have twisted his ankle when he tripped and the pain was slowly making its way up his leg, with every step. "Shit!" he mumbled. "Good! I deserve it." He was hobbling now, and suddenly Mulder realized that he was being followed. The person was trying to match their footsteps to his own, but being that Mulder was now limping, it made it more difficult and easier for him to be heard in the quiet of the early morning. Mulder quickly tried to pull his gun out from his holster, but his actions were slowed from the alcohol, and from him being piss drunk, that the gun went flying from his hands as his arms were grabbed, and he was spun around to face the wall. "What do you want?" Mulder slurred, when he caught his breath. He could hear the smile in the mans words as he pressed himself into Mulder. "Just you, handsome. Just you." Mulder's last thought as he fell to the ground from sickening blow of his own gun meeting his scull, was that there was never a cop around when you needed one. ************************************************************************* Part 1 Scene 1 ************************************************************************* Dana Scully's Apartment Annapolis, Maryland 1:30am Scully lay in bed, tossing and turning. She had gone to bed at around midnight, but she couldn't prevent the thoughts that were keeping her awake, from intruding on her peacefulness. She could hear the rain that had started up again about an hour ago, as it slowly and methodically rapped on the windows. Mulder...she thought. God, he really angered her sometimes. She couldn't understand why he would be so ready to trust *Diana* over her. She knew that hey had a relationship with each other, the specifics of which she didn't know, but there was no mistaking the look in his eyes. That look that suggested that he was remembering a better time in his life. But she also couldn't mistake what she knew to be true. That Diana was deceiving them; or rather, Mulder. What was hurting her most wasn't that he trusted Diana, after all, he knew her longer and better, and they'd actually worked on the X-Files together at some point. It was the fact that he was ignoring all the evidence. All the proof that the Gunmen and she had found of her actions in Europe with women who had suffered as she had. The same as all those women in Allentown had; and it was eating her alive that he would ignore facts such as these Suddenly, Scully felt uneasy. She looked over at the clock on her nightstand, and glared at the red numbers that told her it was 1:41 in the morning. Scully wondered at the fact that Mulder hadn't called. He always did, particularly after a rather nasty argument such as they'd had. Either that or he stumbled to her door at 3am, half cocked. True, it wasn't yet 3am, but she was worried. Something was nagging at the back of her mind. She tried to push the thoughts down, as she turned over trying to grasp at the sleep that was eluding her, but she couldn't get rid of the fear that was slowly squeezing her heart in a vice-like grip. Scully and Mulder were close. Closer then any other two agents in the FBI that she knew of. They shared a bond that frequently had other agents baffled, as well as jealous. She *knew* something was wrong. She knew it. Scully turned back over, and flicked the lamp by her bedside on. Dialing the familiar number, she prayed that she'd hear a groggy voice ripped from the peacefulness of sleep that she herself could not find. After four rings, and the answering machine picking up, she hung up without leaving a message. She next tried his cell phone, but when the automated voice came on saying that the recipient of the call was either not answering, or out of range, she hung up again, more agitated and worried. Panic was slowly rising in her. Somewhere in downtown D.C, Mulder's phone lie helpless on the ground, with a few drops of blood splattered over the call display. And somewhere, even farther away, Mulder was calling Scully's name. ************************************************************************** Somewhere in Washington DC. 2:00am "Scully..." came a muffled moan from somewhere in the depths of DC. He was cold. Why was he so cold? He tried to wake up. Tried to make some sense out of what he was feeling, and why, but it was easier said then done. His mind was thick with a haze that seemed to have no beginning and certainly no ending in sight. Scattered bits of memories of the prior evening were starting to make their way back to him, the first of which was the bitter fight between him and Scully. Then that horrible bar, where he proceeded to get bombed and kicked out; the twisting of his ankle, followed by the feeling as though he were being followed. The last thought brought it all rushing back to him with frightening clarity, and with the memories came the pain. A dull throbbing from his right ankle, which he figured he probably sprained, and the sharper pain from the blow he'd received to the back of his skull. Frankly, he was wondering why he hadn't been seriously brain damaged long ago, with all the concussions he'd received. (Or maybe he was brain damaged. He knew Scully certainly thought so half of the time.) Other then those two injuries though, he felt relatively unharmed. Finally, Mulder succeeded in opening his eyes, but what he saw made him wish that he hadn't. The sight of where he was frightened him even more so then when he'd realized he'd been attacked. He was in a tall, though small cinder block room, if you could even call it that. It was barely the size of his living room. The floor was just a dirt floor, and it was littered with the scattered remains of clothing of past occupants. There didn't appear to be a door, though he knew this to be impossible, being as how he'd gotten in here somehow, even if it was against his will. There was one solitary window, about 7' up one wall, with bars on it. No furniture; No sink; And no toilet; and damned if he didn't have to pee. That appeared to be the lesser of his problems at the moment though. The first problem to solve was how on earth he was going to get out of this mess. He quickly checked his belongings, though knowing full well that his gun and all other personal belongings had been removed. He was proven right. He really knew how to fuck things up, didn't he? Mulder thought, as a sigh escaped his mouth. Mulder started to feel around the walls, thinking that if he looked hard enough, maybe he'd be able to discern where there might be a doorway of some kind, but being that there was hardly any light filtering in through the window, it made it all the more difficult. He was just starting to think that maybe he'd found something when he felt, rather then heard a presence behind him. He didn't have time to turn though, as he received his second sharp blow to the head of that night, sending him reeling back into the comforts of the blackness that enveloped him. **************************************************************************** 3:15am "My my my, we slept long, now didn't we? Perhaps I hit you a little hard that time huh, handsome?" Mulder awoke to find himself lying in a fetal position. He hadn't yet opened his eyes, but he knew that he was bound, by what felt like duck tape, around his wrists and ankles. His arms were behind his back, and he now had a dull throbbing pain in his shoulders to match the pain that had now doubled in his head, from the second blow he'd received. "Now now, handsome, none of that silent treatment! I didn't bring you all the way here to talk to the walls." "What the fuck do you want?" Mulder seethed? Before Mulder had the sentence fully out of his mouth, he regretted it, for it was followed by a swift kick to the middle of his back. Mulder arched his back in pain, and he thought that he could literally see stars flash behind his still closed eyelids. "Shit! Ahh I'm gonna kill you, you bastard! Wait till I get my hands on you. Shit! I'm gonna kill you!" Mulder screamed. "You better watch what you say, handsome, or I may not be so easy on you! You watch your tone of voice, and you had better watch those words that come out of your mouth! I won't tolerate cussing!" "Great, I got stuck with Mr. June Cleaver for an attacker..." he muttered, barely muffling the "Mother Fucker" that escaped from his mouth. The man quickly bent down and grabbed Mulder's hair, pulling his head back so that he could look into his eyes and make himself clear. "I *said* you...had...better...watch...your...language. I won't say it again. Next time I'll make sure you don't say another word ever again." Mulder was now completely terrified, as he looked into the eyes of his attacker for the first time. In his eyes, he saw a bottomless pit. No soul, and certainly no fear of dying. Just a coldness that reached into the very depths of Mulder and made him shiver uncontrollably. "Now I'm not going to gag you. That would take all of the fun out of what I'm going to do to you. I want to hear you scream. I want to hear you whimper, and I definitely want to hear you cry. I'm going to make you so afraid that you won't be able to whip out that pretty little dick of yours to take a piss, you'll be so afraid." Most of all, handsome, I'm going to make you ashamed. Ashamed at yourself 'cause I'm gonna make you come, and scream as you orgasm from me ramming my cock up your ass. I'm gonna make you wish you were dead." Mulder already wished he were. ******************************************************************** End of Part 1 Continued in Part 2 ********************************************************************* Ties That Bind Part 2 of 11 By Stephanie Feldman Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape. Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R. Date: April 18, 1999 Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US) Disclaimers: Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of my own sick and twisted mind. Summary: Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully. **************************************************************************** 9:17am Jay Edgar Hoover Bld. X-Files Division (Basement) Scully knew that she should probably stop pacing. If she continued in this manner for much longer, she would wear a hole straight through to the dirt below the concrete floor. The only time in which she wasn't pacing, was when she stopped to look at the clock on Mulder's desk. Then she would compare it to the time that was on the wall in the other section of their "office," and then she would look at her watch. She had arrived at the office at around 7:30 this morning. Scully finally managed to fall asleep at around 4:00, but it had been a fitful sleep, to say the least. After finally deciding to get dressed and come into work, she realized that she hadn't even tried the office phone to see if maybe Mulder was at the office late last night. Sometimes he would go there if he couldn't sleep, figuring that he'd start working on a new case. When she phoned to find that no one was there, she decided to go there and see for herself thinking that maybe the phone wasn't working. She stopped on the way to check his apartment, but of course he wasn't there. In fact, it didn't look like he'd been there since before work the previous day. She was now at her wits end, not knowing what to do. It was a constant struggle between anger and fear, not knowing whether he was missing, or whether he'd ditched her again. Although she'd be furious, she sincerely hoped that it was the latter. Scully was about to go upstairs to talk to Skinner, when all of a sudden the shrill sound of the phone stopped her dead in her tracks. She quickly spun around and ran to the phone, almost banging her hip on the corner of the desk. "Scully." She said quickly, but her heart quickly fell as she recognized the voice on the other end. "Agent Scully." "Yes sir." She said dejectedly. "I need to see you and Agent Mulder in my office right away." She could hear the aggravation in AD Skinners voice, and she had an idea that he was upset about their latest expense report, but she couldn't think about that right now. "Sir- Mulder's not here. In fact, I don't know where he is. Sir, I think he may be in trouble." "What happened Agent Scully?" AD Skinner was slightly agitated. Mulder was always getting himself into trouble, relying on others to get him out of the messes he got himself into. One of these times, they wouldn't be able to help; and that would be a sad day because Fox Mulder was one of the brightest agents that the FBI had. Fox Mulder didn't have many friends within the bureau. In fact, aside from Agent Scully, he couldn't think of one. He had an extreme admiration for the young agents, but he knew that others didn't feel the same. Their nickname for the two as Mr. and Mrs. Spooky told him as much. He did know though, that still others were extremely jealous of his talents, and that often times manifested itself in cruel ways. Although Agent Mulder was extremely intelligent, he was also very stupid at times, putting himself in dangerous situations without adequate back-up and without informing his partner of his intentions. This was probably another such incident. Skinner could hear his agent talking on the other line, and he quickly pulled himself out of his mind and into the present. "...Sir, we had an argument last night, and I haven't heard from him since. I called his apartment several times, as well as his cell, but he's not answering. I also called the office before I came in this morning, but he wasn't here either, and from what I can tell, he hasn't been since we left last night. I also went over to his apartment before I got here this morning sir, and it doesn't look like he even went home last night. There were two newspapers propped up against his door." Scully paused for a moment before continuing. She had been speaking very quickly, and now had to pause to take some much needed air into her lungs. "Sir, I'm really worried." "Calm down Agent Scully," Skinner said. "I'm sure he's fine, but do you have any idea where he might have gone last night?" "Well sir..." She hesitated in telling her boss this, but she knew she had to in order to find Mulder. "Sometimes when he's has a particularly tough day, he goes to a local bar to have a drink, but I can't say for sure." She hoped that Mulder wouldn't get in trouble. Drinking in this line of work was frowned upon, due to the fact that it is a high-risk position; even in their off duty hours. (Not that they ever had "off duty" hours) But it was expressly forbidden during the workweek. She could feel it in her heart that something was wrong and no matter what the consequences, she had to find Mulder. She could hear the AD sigh over the phone. "Do you know which bar he likes to frequent?" "No sir, but I can call all the ones local to where he lives, as well as the ones close to the office." "Why don't you do that agent, and get back to me." "Yes sir." Scully said, and hung up. At least now she had something to do. "Oh Mulder...she sighed. What did you do this time?" ************************************************************************** Somewhere in D.C. 10:00am "Fox William Mulder, Special Agent of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, otherwise known as spooky Mulder, and all around fuck up who always manages to get his ass kicked." Mulder let out a sarcastic laugh, as he followed around the train of thought that was barreling through his head at the moment. He was still tied up in the corner. Same as before, and the only thing that was keeping him sane at the moment was the hope that Scully would some how find him and kill the son of a bitch that'd done this to him. Scully. "Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully, MD. And friend extraordinar." You wouldn't find her with a name like Spooky, he thought. Oh, right; she was Mrs. Spooky. He hated himself for giving her the reputation that she now had. She had had a bright, promising career in front of her, and now, thanks to him, there was just a dead end. Maybe she wouldn't come for him after all. After their fight the other night, she was probably glad to be rid of him. The only comfort he took in his present state of affairs, was the fact that that bastard had managed to leave him alone since earlier that morning. After letting go of his grip on Mulder's hair, he slowly got up and let himself out. But not before he so gracefully managed to pinch him on the ass. This time as he left though, Mulder managed to be conscious, and so he saw where the door was. It was just below the window, but it was well hidden because it was just about 3 1/2 feet tall. You almost had to crawl through it. If Mulder had continued searching for it as he had been, he would have never found it. As it was, he could hardly see the partition now, but now he knew where to look. Not that It did any good, being that he was still tied up. During the morning at some point, as was normal, his eyes had become more adjusted to the dark. He thought he saw something attached to the opposite wall from the door, but he couldn't be sure. Until now. Now that there was more light streaming through the window, he could clearly make out the form of shackles. They were about a foot off the floor, and they didn't make him too happy. He was just about to go back to reciting his mantra about what a fuck-up he was, when the "door" started to creek open. By how much he had to hunch over in order to get through the door, Mulder figured that the rapist was about 5'11" tall. He was slightly less built then he was, but not by much. He couldn't exactly tell in this light, but he guessed that his attacker had dark blond hair, bordering on brown, and he knew from last night that he had dark soulless eyes. From the events of the past 9 hours, Mulder guessed that he liked to catch people off guard. That it excited him to be witness to someone who didn't know that they were being watched; and he definitely liked to be in control. It was probably the only way that he could perform. "Well well well, good morning handsome! I trust we slept well last night?" When Mulder didn't answer, the rapist bent down and looked directly at him. Growling, he whispered, "I expect an answer when I ask you a question." "Now," he started in a more up beat tone. "Did you sleep well?" "Oh just dandy." Was Mulder's reply. "Well, then I assume that you're all rested for what's on the agenda for us today." "And what would that be? A stroll through the park, after a nice leisurely breakfast?" "You should only be so lucky, handsome." He said smiling. "Actually, it involve a lot of fun for me, and sadly not to much fun for you. I'm sure you remember everything I said to you earlier this morning, while you were being quite uncooperative?" Mulder was silent. The man had turned around when he started talking again, but at Mulder's silence, he whirled to face him again and delivered a swift kick to his ribs. Mulder inhaled a sharp shuddering breath, and when he felt he could resume breathing again without feeling the need to throw up the beer that was in his stomach, he whispered a muffled "I remember." "Good. Then let's start my fun, shall we?" "I'd prefer a little more beauty sleep, actually if you don't mind." Was Mulder's reply. "Oh, I don't think so. I think it's time to have fun." ***************************NC17************************ 18 AND UNDER, DO NOT PASS THIS POINT! 10:15am Mulder willed himself not to panic, but it was a loosing battle. The man was slowly making his way towards him, and it was all that he could do to not start screaming the profanities he knew would only gain him more bruises and more pain. Not that he'd escape it anyway. Maybe he'd even pass out so that he wouldn't have to experience the rest, but he knew that this sick bastard would never give him the satisfaction. He could only look on in horror, as he slowly drew a knife out of his pocket, along with a pair of keys that he assumed were for the shackles. As the man drew closer, Mulder tried to think of all the different ways that he could attack him, but he couldn't find one. All of a sudden, Mulder cried out in pain as he found himself grabbed by his hair again and being pulled roughly over towards the shackles. If he ever got out of this, (alive) he'd have to remember to shave his hair off. When they reached the other side of the room, the man blessedly let go, and Mulder quickly got to his feet in an attempt to ram himself into his assailant. He only managed to ram himself into the cinder block wall as the man, anticipating an attack quickly sidestepped is efforts. Mulder fell to the ground and almost found the blackness that he so longed for, when he was grabbed roughly by his hands and chained to the wall. "That'll teach ya." The man sneered looking down at him. "Now; let's see what we can do about those cloths." "I swear to God if you touch me I'm going to..." "Your gonna what?" He hollered. Cry? Moan? Shout? Go ahead. No one will hear you, and that'll only make me happier." There's no way you're getting out of here. Alive, at any rate." With that, he picked up his knife which he'd placed on the floor, and kneeled down over Mulder's thighs. Slowly and methodically, he began to slice the buttons off of his shirt, taking extreme delight in watching Mulder squirm. "Trying to go somewhere handsome?" He laughed. Having removed all of the buttons, he sliced a clean line down his right arm, and then his left, taking care not to cut his slave. "Wouldn't want to mar that pretty skin, now would we?" "WOULD WE?" he shouted into Mulder's face. "no." he whispered. " No, we wouldn’t" and so he proceeded to rip the torn shirt from his body. Mulder was shaking now. He couldn't remember ever being as scared as he was right now, and all he could think of was how he could manage to make himself small enough so that he could crawl through one of the cracks in the wall. Mulder felt himself being stroked up and down his torso. The mans hands were slowly, admiringly moving up and down, up and down, as if memorizing it through touch. Then his hands, having moved up farther moved towards his nipples and started to play with them, pressing them between his fingers. Kneading them. Mulder almost gagged when he saw that the man was starting to lower his head towards his right nipple, getting ready to suck on it. And it took almost all of his strength not to throw up at the feel of his hot mouth taking him in and nipping at the small bud, like it was the nipple of a woman's breast. Mulder pulled at the shackles trying ineffectually to tear himself loose, and was rewarded with the rapist biting into his left nipple, which he'd just moved on to. Mulder cried out in pain as he felt the hot tears start to flow down his cheeks. He had never been so helpless as he was right now. Even when his father beat him while growing up, and then when Sam was taken away, he still felt like he had *some* power. But now...now he was completely unable to defend himself, and he felt truly violated and helpless. He felt the rapist start to move farther down again and pause as he started to remove his pants. Mulder was in full-blown panic attack mode now and he started to scream. "Get the fuck away from me, you bastard! I'm gonna fucking kill you I swear to God, your going down." "Ooooh. I think I like the sound of that. In fact; that's what I had planned next, handsome." And with that, Mulder felt the knife sink into his pant leg and underwear together. They were then torn from him, and he was left completely naked, and shivering. Mulder let his head fall back as he closed his eyes and continued to cry softly. "No you don't handsome. I want those pretty blues open. I want you to see everything that I'm going to do to you." When he didn't open his eyes, The man grabbed his penis and squeezed hard. Mulder screamed as he opened his eyes and felt them role back into the back of his head at the pain that was coursing through is groin. He didn't think he'd ever hurt that much before. Not even when Scully had shot him, and he almost past out when he was brought back to reality with a slap across his face. "Now....open those eyes...there ya go." As Mulder opened his eyes, he saw rather then felt the knife making its trail down his stomach toward his nether regions. He was completely paralyzed with fear. The knife continued on its course down his body, but thankfully stopped just shy of his penis, which was lying there helpless. The knife was put aside as the man started to lower his head and Mulder knew that there was nothing he could do. One move; One cry, and he knew that he'd be given the fastest sex change operation in the world. And then he felt his penis being enveloped in the heat of this animal's mouth. He moved his head up and down with slow, deliberate ease. Caressing his penis with his hand, he opened his mouth and started swirling his mouth around the tip, and Mulder started to whimper as he felt himself start to get hard. He was so ashamed, even though he knew it wasn't something that he could control. He still felt completely violated by himself that he couldn't control his bodily functions. Mulder felt the pre-cum that was on the tip of his now fully erect penis being licked off, and the mouth tighten and start its way back down his penis. In out, in out, in out first slow, and then faster and faster as the rapist started to massage himself through his pants. Mulder tried to stop himself from thrusting into his mouth, but he couldn't help it as he felt the onsets of his orgasm begin, and it only made him cry harder. Faster, and then impossibly faster still, until he felt the orgasm rip through his body with earth shattering force, and he came in the other mans mouth. Mulder felt his penis go limp as the man withdrew him from his mouth. Crying and devastated, Mulder curled himself into a ball on his side, and proceeded to vomit and pee on himself at the same time. ************************************************************************** Jay Edgar Hoover Bld. 11:30am X-Files division She was back to pacing. Scully had managed to call every bar in the downtown DC area, and she had found absolutely nothing. No one had seen Agent Mulder the previous morning. She didn't know what to do, and that had her more scared then anything else. The thought that there was no way for her to help Mulder was unthinkable. She just couldn't think. Scully started getting dizzy from her constant pacing, so she stopped to take stock of the situation. "OK," she started out loud. "Mulder went missing at about 10:15pm on the night of March 1st." Scully tried desperately to remember what happened that night as they were leaving. They both had left the office together. Mulder had picked her up that morning since the roads were still slippery from a recent ice storm. It was on the ride back to her place when they had that horrible fight. *Diana* had managed to build another wall in between them. Scully crossed her arms in front of her and rested her forehead in her right palm. Scully suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. "Damn it!" she shouted. "His car!" "Excuse me agent?" Scully startled and spun around, and the sound of the AD's voice behind her. "Sir, yes I'm sorry." She rushed. "Have you heard anything?" "No, Agent Scully, actually that's what I came down to ask you." "Sir, no sir, I haven't, but I just realized something. Mulder drove me to work yesterday and I completely forgot." "Agent, I'm not sure I follow. So he drove you to and from work." "Sir, I never even thought to track his car. To see if it was in the parking lot by his building or anywhere else in the DC area." She breathed. "When we find his car, we stand a better chance of finding him. Well have a better idea of where to start looking." "Get on it agent" nodded Skinner. "Be sure to keep me posted." "Yes sir. Right away. *************************************************************************** 1:05pm Scully let out a breath that she didn't know she'd been holding. She had finally located his car about a half-hour ago, but so far, there were no clues as to where he'd gone, and how to proceed. His car looked untouched since the time it had been parked. He had gone drinking the previous night she now knew, as she was standing in front of a bar that was just 3 blocks from his apartment. One that she never even knew existed, and so hadn't called. She'd gone into the bar to inquire about Mulder having been there the night before, but they couldn't tell her either way. The shift had already changed, and the night shift had gone home. Scully pulled out her cell and started punching in the numbers she'd been given of the previous night's shift. She got lucky on the third call. Yes, a man fitting Mulder's description had been in the bar the prior evening, and in fact had caused such a ruckus that he'd been forced out of the bar just barely an hour after arriving. Apparently he'd been shouting that he'd managed to "fuck" up the only relationship in his life that mattered to him. Again. "Oh. Mulder" she sighed. "I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere." He had been assisted out of the bar at around 1:15am. It fit the time parameters perfectly. It took about 40 minutes to get to her place from work, 30 back to Mulder's place, and then about an hour at the bar. But what the hell happened then? The man on the other line said that he'd called a cab for Mulder, but that he hadn't taken it because shortly there after, the cab driver came in looking for his ride. Obviously, he hadn't taken his car, so he must have started to walk home. Scully started the short walk to Mulder's apartment. She didn't get far though, when she noticed something on the ground that she was hoping she wouldn't see. Just in front of her lying a few feet from the wall was Mulder's cellular phone. Scully pulled out a latex glove and slowly put it on so as not to ruin any evidence that might be on the phone. As she stooped to pick up the phone, she noticed a smear of blood on the brick wall that she guessed was probably Mulder's, as well as the few drops that she now saw was on the phone as well. Frantically, Scully called Assistant Director Skinner, briefed him of the situation and then called in a forensic team to make a sweep of the area. Hanging up the phone, she prayed to the God that she hoped was still listening that they would find Mulder soon. ******************************NC17**************************** Somewhere in Downtown DC. 1:15pm Mulder could feel himself floating. He was somewhere drifting between wakefulness and nothing, and he couldn't feel his body. Perhaps he was not with his body presently, and that idea arrived in him with some sense of relief. If he was not in his body, he could not feel the pain that it had endured. But he knew it was there. Waiting for his return. ************************************************************************** Mulder came to in a pool of his own vomit and piss, and for a moment he couldn't remember where he was and what had happened. Then the realization of his circumstances hit him full on with the force of a runaway train and it had the effect of leaving him nearly breathless. He nearly let himself sink back into the darkness at the bleakness of it all when he noticed that he was "sitting" in a somewhat awkward position, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out what was going on. Until he felt the ties that were binding his legs to his forearms. Sometime after he'd passed out, Mulder had been unchained and flipped over so that he was now essentially on all fours. His hands were re-shackled and two long ropes were tying each leg to each arm so that his ass was in the air. Mulder looked down through his legs to notice the upside down figure of the man that he would later come to recognize as the devil as he was visited in his nightmares. "Thank you for rejoining the party handsome. I was beginning to think that I'd chosen the wrong man to be my friend. I was beginning to worry, thinking that it would take so little to break a man of the FBI. By the way, your parent's did right by naming you Fox. You are quite an exceptional looking man. The best looking friend I've ever had, actually." "Thanks for the compliment, sneered Mulder. I'm afraid I can't return the sentiment." Mulder knew that he probably should have kept his mouth shut, but at this stage of the game he felt so vulnerable that he couldn't help but fight back in the only way possible at the moment. He noticed the conflicting emotions that washed over the mans face, but didn't have enough time to analyze them before Mulder felt a swift kick from a metal toed boot connect with the center of his ass. Neither did he have time to recover from that pain before the attacker pounced on him and not so carefully placed his knife at the junction of his scrotal sac and his rectum. "I don't think that you understand quite well the situation that you're in right now. And I don't think that you want to be testing my patience because right now you're two seconds shy of never producing children, or for that matter having an erection ever again. Of course, you may not live that long, but I strongly suggest that you consider what I've said before you open that beautiful mouth of yours again, you hear?" "I said do you hear me?" he shouted, while pressing the point of the knife into the base of his rectum. Mulder let out a muffled cry in response as a few anguished tears dropped off of the tip of his nose. "I suppose that'll have to do. I am deeply sorry that I had to resort to this method, my little fox, but I will if I have to. Now; I think it's about time that the partying resume." With that, he lay the knife down on the ground and slowly began removing his own clothing. All the while, Mulder was wondering how he'd be able to get a hold of that knife so that he could slit his own throat. Mulder didn't have long to dwell on the suicidal thoughts that were now an ever-growing solution in his mind. He felt the hand of the devil touching him in places that no man or woman should ever be touched unsolicited. The hands hungrily groped first his ass, and then his back moving down and under to his mid-section and then up to his nipples as before. Mulder closed his eyes willing the hands to stop their ministrations, but they only continued to do their travelling around his body. Rubbing, smoothing and poking the most intimated recesses of his form. Pinching and twisting, and kneading. What started out as slow, now began to quicken as did the breath of the beast, and Mulder with horror could feel the heat radiating off of the man's tongue as it slithered out through thick lips to taste him. Up it ran, from the crevice of his anus, up his spine, over his shoulder blades and farther as he continued to rub and pull at his nipples, still massaging them as before, but with a new sense of urgency that was building in him. And horribly, as before, Mulder was becoming aroused. Though arousal continued in the physical sense, he was quickly retreating into the recesses of his mind, trying to escape the tortures of the corporeal. Mulder had blacked out in an effort to find some comfort in the unknowing of what nightmares were still to follow, but he wasn't allowed his peace for long. He guessed that he'd probably begun to lilt to the side as he passed out, and so he was rewarded with a resounding thwack to the side of his ass in an effort to rouse him. The devil did not speak. Just grunted a warning while piercing him with a deadening glare to not slip again. Mulder shivered as hands started to move back down towards his genitals to begin again the ministrations of earlier, and what was barely flaccid, quickly became hard. Mulder had to bite down on his lip to keep from crying out in anger and frustration as the tears that had begun earlier now coursed steadily down his already stained cheeks. Rubbing, smoothing, pinching, squeezing over and over again. Then, it suddenly stopped, and Mulder had to open his eyes with disbelief. And wished he hadn't for now the devil was moving him into his mouth. Heat and wetness surrounded him once more as he shivered in the moments of pre-orgasm and humiliation. Nothing. Nothing Mulder had ever experienced, from the abduction of Samantha to the near death of Scully had prepared him for such torture and he sunk farther into the pits of depression. He felt his body jerk as he climbed steadily towards another orgasm, and he was taken farther into the mouth of the devil. All the way to the hilt, and then almost all the way out again. A quick lick of the head of his penis, and a swift bob up and down again and he exploded into a thousand pieces, whimpering and racked with choking sobs. He wished the earth would swallow him whole. ************************************************************************ "My, Fox...we are tasty. I wish you could taste your sweetness. Very sweet indeed." Mulder didn't hear him. He hadn't fainted again, just closed himself off. He was in a safe place. A place where he could feel no pain, no injustice, and no fear. He was like a silent observer. Hovering unnoticed, and unafraid. He wished he could stay there forever. ************************************************************************ Mulder was falling. It seemed like he would fall forever, and he thought that just maybe, the earth had swallowed him whole. He heard himself let loose a piercing scream as he felt the white heat sear through his body, resonating out from the point of origin of his rectum. He was entered from behind by the hands of the devil, and was aware of himself being slowly ripped apart from the inside out. One finger, then two, and finally three reached in to probe him. He felt the fingers reach his prostrate and start rubbing it. Caressing it with not so gentle kisses. The fingers moved slowly back out and then in again as other fingers massaged his anal sphincter, and all the while Mulder was screaming. When Mulder thought that he couldn't possibly take anymore, the fingers moved out once again, and were quickly replaced with the devils penis. At that point, Mulder knew that there was no sanity left to salvage. No hope of ever returning to the life he'd known. No hope of ever being the somewhat confident man that he was before. And he was silent. No tears poured forth. No cries for help. No pleas for absolution. Nothing but the sound of flesh hitting flesh as he was pummeled from behind. Nothing but the heavy breathing of the devil as he climbed towards his own orgasm and released himself into Mulder. Mulder felt himself being rocked back and forth as the devil's orgasm ripped through his own body. He felt the devil withdraw and wipe himself off. He felt the shackles and his legs released from bondage. And as he sank back down into the blessed darkness, he felt nothing. *************************************************************************** End of part 2. To be continued in Part 3 ************************************************************************** Ties That Bind Part 3 of 11 By Stephanie Feldman Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape. Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R. Date: April 20, 1999 Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US) Disclaimers: Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of my own sick and twisted mind. Summary: Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully. *************************************************************************** Dana Scully's Apartment Annapolis, Maryland March 4, 1999 2:30am Nothing. Two days and they hadn't found anything that would tell them where Mulder had been taken. The forensic team hadn't found anything out except what her instincts had already told her. That the blood on the brick wall and on his cell phone had in fact been his own. They combed the streets day and night without turning up any leads. No hair or fiber samples, no fingerprints and no DNA. Everything that was found at the scene belonged to Mulder, and Scully just didn't know what to do anymore. She had been running on pure steam for the past 2 days, and she had been ordered to go home by AD Skinner at about midnight. Two and a half hours of doing nothing. No one was looking for him. No one cared that one of their agents had fallen and no one was helping him to get back up again. No one except she seemed to care. But in her mind she knew that that wasn't true. In her mind she knew that there was just nothing left that she or anyone else could do. There were no ransom notes, and there were no calls. There was just absolutely nothing; and that was what frightened her the most. That the kidnapper who had taken agent Mulder either didn't want, or expect anything from his return showed that the only thing the person wanted, was Mulder. Whether he had been the intended target or not, it didn't matter. Time was everything now, and with no leads, they were locked in a room with out any doors. Scully had never in all her life felt so lost. With that last thought, eyes brimming with tears, Scully fell into a fitful sleep; and dreamed. *************************************************************************** Scully was in the woods; but that was all that she could discern when she looked around her. Trees and still more trees stretched on for miles in all directions, and there was no end in sight. Scully decided on a direction and started walking. She noticed soon thereafter that it was night, and It seemed that there was a path lit in front of her from the light of the full moon. She followed the path, not knowing where it would take her, but knowing that she had to take it where it led. Off in the distance she noticed a small building that didn't look like it belonged where it stood. As she got closer she saw that it was constructed out of cinder block in approximately a 30 foot square and it rose about 14 feet in the air. She slowly walked around the building to the rear where she noticed a Window with bars and continuing around to the front, nothing else. Not another window, and oddly enough no door. She walked up closer to inspect the structure and feeling her way she began to move around the building once more. When she got around to the side with the window again, she noticed that there was a crack in the cinders, roughly even with her bust line, and so she stooped just slightly to get a better look. Suddenly she heard a noise coming up from behind her and so she darted around a tree so as to be hidden, and still be able to see the figure that was approaching. From Scully's vantage point, she got a clear view of the man that was walking up to the structure. He was about 5'11" tall, with dark blond hair, and a strong, lean physic. She didn't know who this person was, but she was instantly wary of him and so she remained hidden. The figure bent down in front of the wall were Scully had been just moments ago and lifted a string off of the ground that she herself had not noticed was there. Pulling on the string, the bottom of the wall gave way and in slipped the man while the door quietly closed behind him. An hour passed and nothing happened. No noise came from the structure, and no one came in or went out. As Scully was about to give up and walk towards the cinders, the door opened up again and out came the man from before. He had a gleam in his eyes that had not been there before, and he walked off humming a tune that she didn't recognize, and didn't care to. When she felt that the man was out of earshot, Scully ran up to the wall to look for the string that would let her inside the building. Her heart was racing and she knew that it was important that she get inside to see what was there. Finally locating the string, Scully pulled for what seemed like forever, and it finally started to lift upwards to allow for her entrance. Bending just slightly, she walked through and let her eyes adjust to the sudden darkness. It was just a moment before Scully was comfortable enough to take stock of her surroundings. There was clothing strewn about the plain dirt floor, and nothing else. She was completely puzzled as to why someone would spend an hour in here to do absolutely nothing. And then her eyes adjusted farther, and she saw. Huddled in the far corner laying in a fetal position was Mulder. As she slowly crept forward, she almost cried out in pain as she saw the condition he was in, but she smelled him long before she got to him. He smelled of bile and vomit, and he didn't look much better. He was bruised and battered over every inch of his body and he was just laying there, unmoving except for the small shudders that coursed through him. Tears were streaming down her face as she leaned over him. His eyes were open, but they were unseeing. She touched him but he did not move. Just shook and stared at what she didn't know. She sat down before him and slowly pulled him into her lap, rocking back and forth. She stroked his hair and laid her head upon his and just rocked him back and forth murmuring his name over and over again. She told him that she was there. Scully was there and she wasn't ever going to let go. He was safe. Over and over again. "Shhhhh." She whispered. "I've got you Mulder. I'm not going anywhere. You're safe with me. You're sa..." Scully stopped speaking as she thought she heard something. "Scully..." Mulder whispered almost inaudibly. "Scully..." he said again, even softer. "Mulder? I'm here Mulder, right here." She said still rocking him. She tried to look into his eyes, but nothing had changed. There was no recognition behind his them. He just stared as before, seeing nothing. "Scully..." All the while she kept rocking him. And he still kept calling her. ************************************************************************** Scully sat up in bed. She knew that she'd been crying because her pillow was still wet, as were her cheeks. She sat there for a few minutes just staring off into space trying to figure out what had just happened. She knew that it hadn't just been a dream. Every bone in her body was telling her that she'd been with Mulder just a few moments ago. She looked at her clock and noticed that it was now 4:00 in the morning. An hour and a half had passed, as it had in her dream. She was now as certain as she'd ever been that time was short, and if they didn't find Mulder now, they wouldn’t find him at all. ************************************************************************** Mulder was floating above his body. He was looking down on himself as the man came in and raped him once more and then left. It was ok though. He didn't feel it. He was in a place where nothing could hurt him anymore. And then he felt it. Scully was with him. He couldn't see her, but he could feel her, and he could hear her. She was rocking him and telling him that he was ok now. That he would be safe with her, and that she'd never leave. He tried to reach out to her. To call her name. To tell her that he was there and that he couldn't see her. She couldn't hear him, but she was there. And he knew he had to get back. ************************************************************************* 4:00am Mulder was lying on the floor in a fetal position when he woke up. He didn't know what day or what time it was, but he felt warm. For the first time in a while he felt warm and he knew that Scully had been with him. He reached over to the side and under a piece of clothing where it lay hidden. The devil had left his instrument at one point, and now it was Mulder's. He turned it over in his hands and looked at it, and he saw it. Slowly, he put the knife back in its hiding place, and waited. ************************************************************************ Dana Scully's Apartment Annapolis, Maryland 6:40am Scully had tried uselessly to fall back to sleep after she'd woken up from her "visit" with Mulder, but sleep would not find her. She had hoped that in falling asleep, maybe she'd be able to once more make that connection if only to find out where he was. But as she tossed and turned, the only thing she managed to do was cry. Cry for the pain that she knew Mulder to be suffering from. She knew what horrors he'd suffered. She knew them as if they'd been done to her, and she almost felt as if they had. Whatever happened to him happened to her. It's the way it had always been with the two of them, and it would always be that way. She was aware of the fact that she loved him. She'd known it for a long time though there never seemed to be the right moment to say it. Especially if she didn't feel that it would be returned. But with the dream came the realization renewed, that life was short; and she made a vow at that moment to God, and to Mulder that when she saw him again, she'd tell him and make him understand that she meant it. With all of her heart, now and forever. She picked up the phone and dialed the FBI switchboard, asking to be patched through to Assistant Director Skinner. She wasn't sure what she was going to say to him yet, but she had to make it clear that time was of the utmost importance. Although she knew that the dream was real, she couldn't very well declare to the AD of the FBI that she had received a vision and thus knew of a way to find Mulder. He'd have her sent for a psychiatric evaluation sooner then you could say the aliens have landed. Either that or he'd think that she'd spent too much time with Mulder. Instead, when she was connected to the AD, she said that she couldn't just sit back and do nothing. She had to find Mulder and if no one was going to help her, she'd look by herself. Knowing Skinner as she did, she knew that even if he couldn't call anyone off of their present duties to go look for what amounted to a needle in a haystack, he would at least help her look himself, and that gave her a little more hope. Skinner asked her if she had any idea where they might start to look, and she suggested any wooded areas around Alexandria, which was where he'd been taken from. After agreeing to meet in two hours in his office, Scully hung up and decided to look over a map of the Alexandria area to get a better idea of where to start. Scully was aware of 3 parks within Alexandria but they weren't wooded areas. They were along the river, and she knew that there hadn't been a river in her dream. Of course, the woods didn't have to be literal, but figurative. She didn't know of any woods within Alexandria. But she was certain that Mulder was still close, and so she kept the search within that area. Scully was now carefully scanning the map of Alexandria. There was the Potomac View, Founders Park, and Oronoco Bay Park. And then there was the cemetery. It was the only grassy area that was away from the water. It had more trees then any of the parks, but it also had more people, sadly on a day to day basis. She supposed that there could be a cruel irony in the idea of the living among the dead, the same way the building in her dream was surrounded by life. Mulder lying helpless and dying amongst all the life of the trees that surround him. Maybe the trees were a metaphor for people. She tried to focus on another area of the map, seeing if their was possibly another part of Alexandria that Mulder could be, but her focus kept being brought back to the cemetery, and she knew that even if it turned up nothing, she had to try. At 7:45, map in hand, she headed for the office. ************************************************************************ Alexandria National Cemetery 9:00am Mulder was waiting. He had felt the chill in the air leave as the sun rose in the sky signaling daybreak. Just sitting and waiting not making a sound. He was torn between the feelings of wanting to take the knife and end it here and now, or whether to wait and attack, giving him the chance to escape before the devil took him. If Scully had not come to him earlier that morning, the choice might have been easier. But he had her warmth surrounding him now. Protecting him and making him feel loved. He knew she was looking for him. He couldn't let her down by giving up. She hadn't given up on him, so he couldn't give up on himself. He was still struggling to keep the wolves at bay. To keep the night from swallowing him up in darkness. If she had not come, perhaps he would still be floating, somewhere between awareness and death, but now he had a purpose. He had a way out. Mulder heard the door start to give way, and he quickly and silently grabbed the knife and made his way over to the corner of that wall so as to surprise the devil on his way in. The hunter was now the hunted. ************************************************************************** 9:30am FBI headquarters Office of the Assistant Director "Scully, are you sure you want to check the cemetery?" Skinner asked. "I think it's as good a place to start as any sir." "It's a rather large cemetery agent. Are you sure you don't want to wait until we can assign more agents to assist?" "Honestly sir, I really don't think that we have the time to wait for more manpower, and as I said on the phone, I will go it alone if I have to...sir." Scully said, looking Skinner directly in the eyes. "Then what are we waiting for agent. Let's move." ************************************************************************* Mulder crouched in the corner, ready to attack. He was sore all over, and it hurt to move. He was in so much pain, he doubted he'd be able to make it far if...once he got away. He knew he had at least two fractured ribs, a slight concussion, and a bruised everything else. Not to mention the sprained ankle he'd given himself. He just prayed he'd be able to hold his own against the devil. The devil was just about all the way through the door when Mulder jumped on him and rammed the handle of the knife into the back of his head. Mulder being week though and the knife not being very heavy only had the effect of stunning him and before Mulder could get through the door he found himself thrown up against the wall. The knife went spiraling out of his hand as he fought to stay conscious. As he saw the devil coming at him, he threw his knee up which connected with the devil's crotch and he fell screaming to the floor. Mulder dove for the knife, and managed to get it in his hands. His back was facing the devil as he lunged at Mulder again and as Mulder turned, he swung the hand with the knife around and sliced him full across both of his upper thighs and his groin. Mulder dropped the knife as the devil fell and made his way out into the harsh light of day. ************************************************************************* Alexandria National Cemetery 10:00am Scully and Skinner made the short drive to the cemetery in relative silence; Scully not wanting to voice her concerns on in what condition she knew they'd find Mulder, and Skinner not wanting to voice his opinions on if they would find him. Before they knew it, they were there and parked the car on the east border of the cemetery. "Well agent, where do you want to start our search?" The AD asked Scully made a cursory examination of the grounds, looking for an area that resembled that which she saw in her dream, and couldn't see anything remarkable or out of place. There weren't many trees around, except in small individual clusters, so she couldn't imagine where the building she'd seen Mulder in would be. She was thinking that maybe she'd made a gross misjudgment when she turned and saw it. There was a grey marble mausoleum towards the south side of the cemetery. Behind it was another small clump of trees, and beyond that still she could see stark white peeking out from behind one of the trees. Scully made her way towards the structure with growing anticipation and fear. Skinner just followed behind her in silence. As Scully and Skinner got closer towards the building, making their way around the left side of the mausoleum, Scully grew more and more positive that it was the right place, and drawing her weapon, she broke into a run. "Agent Scully, what is it? Did you see something?" questioned the AD, but he got no answer. Scully slowed her pace when she was on top of the building and feeling her way as in her dream, she moved around to the other side of the cinders. She saw the window with the bars, and she felt the break in the cinders. Bending down, she felt for the string that she knew would be there. As Skinner saw her start to pull and the partition give, he stooped to help lift it all the way. Skinner paused so that he could prop up the door with a log, and hunched over, guns drawn, they made their way through. But Mulder wasn't there. What Scully saw instead, was the man from her dream, lying passed out on the floor in a pool of blood that was still seeping from his groin. Scully and Skinner just looked at each other in stunned silence. *********************************************************************** 10:05am Mulder had to squint at first when he stepped out into freedom. He hadn't seen the sun in he didn't know how long, and it took his eyes a while to adjust. The sun felt good on his tortured body. He was mentally and physically exhausted, but he didn't know how badly he'd actually cut the devil, so he kept on walking. He didn't know how but he had to get to Scully. Suddenly Mulder recognized where he was, and he realized that if he hadn't gotten out when he did, he probably wouldn't have gotten out at all. Alive, at any rate. It was getting more and more difficult to move, and he didn't know what to do. All he wanted was to lie down and go to sleep, and maybe never wake up again. He didn't know if he could face what had happed to him for the rest of his life. Go through the terror filled nights as he woke up from the nightmares he knew would come. The horror of seeing the awareness in Scully's eyes at what he'd gone through and her blaming herself for not getting there in time to prevent any of it, and the ever present shame of getting aroused from it. The fear that some part of him had liked it. He didn't want to live that life. He wished he hadn't dropped the knife. Mulder was growing more and more tired with every step, and he knew he wouldn't make it to Scully. He was making his way around the left side of the mausoleum when he caught his foot under the trunk of a tree and went crashing to the ground. Everything went black. ************************************************************************* 10:20am Scully and Skinner left the building not knowing where to go next. It had been the right place, and the right abductor, but Mulder was no where to be seen. They knew he'd been there, because when they were looking around, they found his suit, (minus the jacket which had been recovered from his car), along with a whole mess of other peoples clothing. "Sir," started Scully, Where could he have gone?" "I don't know Scully. In the condition he's likely to be in, I don't think he could have gotten far, and from the condition of the man inside, it couldn't have been too long ago." After finding the man and the state he was in, Skinner had called in need for back up and an ambulance. They were just heading out to the front of the mausoleum to wait for the team when Scully noticed the unmoving body of a naked man to the left of the marble structure. Scully stopped dead in her tacks and nearly screamed. She shouted to her boss to stop and dropping her gun she ran over to the figure lying in the grass. She quickly knelt down beside him, and covering him with her trench coat, she pulled him into her lap as she had the night before. It was Mulder. Skinner meanwhile, called for another ambulance. *************************************************************************** 10:30am It seemed like it was taking forever for the ambulance to arrive. Scully was still sitting on the ground with Mulder, rocking him back and forth as she had in her dream. But this time it was different. She was really there, and Mulder was even less responsive then he had been, which wasn't saying much, but it still had her extremely worried. He was slightly shivering as before, though he had broken out into a sweat, and had a palled coloring to his face. His pulse was terrifyingly slow, and his breath was shallow. To make matters worse, he had a high-grade fever that Scully guessed to be at about 102 degrees. Mulder was in shock, and the slight concussion that she could tell he had wasn't helping anything either. "Where the hell is that damn ambulance?" Scully muttered to no one. As Scully worried her bottom lip between her teeth, she continued to rock Mulder back and forth. She smoothed his hair off of his forehead and laid her cheek down on top of him, whispering to him that he would be all right. That she'd take care of him and not let anything happen. He was still unresponsive and she could feel him slipping away. "Come on Mulder," she spoke softly. Stay with me. Hold on just a little longer. For me Mulder, please hold on." Two lonely tears slipped out from under her closed eyelids. And then came the sound of the sirens off in the distance. ************************************************************************* The ambulances finally arrived, and as they pulled up, Skinner directed them over to the cider building to help them take care of the other man, while Scully stayed with Mulder. She quickly relayed Mulder's current condition and what had happened to him. She watched while he was loaded onto the stretcher and strapped in, then lifted into the waiting ambulance. When he was safely inside, she told the EMT's to wait for five minutes while she went to talk to Skinner. As she walked off, the EMT's quickly started a Saline IV drip, and administered 10cc's of Epinephrine to increase his heart rate. They checked his temperature, which was found to be at 102.5 and injected him with 400 mg of Ibuprofen. "Um, Sir..." Scully began. "Don't worry agent Scully. Go with Agent Mulder to the Hospital. I'll follow behind the other ambulance and meet you there." "Thank you sir." Scully replied, and strode off to rejoin Mulder so that they could be on their way. Scully hopped into the waiting ambulance and as the EMT closed the doors. She sat down next to Mulder, taking his hand and soon they were off, sirens blaring. *************************************************************************** Georgetown Medical Center 11:00am Skinner had gotten to the hospital all of five minutes after Mulder's ambulance, and he soon met up with Scully. "Agent Scully, have you heard anything yet?" "No sir, we just got here. He's been taken into the examination room and then x-rays in order to determine the extent of his injuries." But Scully already knew what his injuries were. She just couldn't say it to Skinner, though she knew he probably suspected as much. Mulder had been raped, beaten, and mentally tortured, and she couldn't seem to get the word rape past the lump in her throat. If she did, she knew she'd probably start screaming and wouldn't be able to stop. Instead, she sought to focus on the hope that aside from the Rape, Mulder might actually be physically o.k. In addition to the sprained ankle they discovered in the ambulance, she suspected bruised bones, maybe 2 broken ribs and a concussion, but aside from that...aside from that Mulder would never be the same. He would have nightmares for months and probably wake up screaming. He'd be afraid of everyone he comes in contact with, especially men, and he'd most likely be suicidal, but hey. Everything was just peachy. Scully stifled a hysterical laugh, and Skinner looked at her. She continued to look at her shoes. Scully looked up as she noticed a doctor walking towards them. "Agent Scully, Assistant Director Skinner, My name is Dr. Wiessman. We've just finished looking over Agent Mulder, and other then the injuries noted before, we didn't really find anything to be worried about. There were two broken ribs as hypothesized which has been set along with his right ankle, as well as the bruises which should heal on their own just fine. There was some bleeding due to some tearing along the inner walls of the rectum, which has been stitched up accordingly. His prostate was slightly bruised as well, which is consistent with the account of the rape but there is nothing to worry about there either, and all of his internal organs seem to be functioning normally. We are slightly concerned with the fever, which is holding steady at 102 degrees, but we suspect that it'll come down soon and his heart rate seems to be back up to normal. He hasn't yet regained consciousness, and if he doesn't by morning I would be concerned but we'll have to wait on that. Otherwise everything seems fine. We did find traces of semen not matching his own. We are having them tested for STD's as well as DNA typing. We are checking Agent Mulder for STD's as well. We should know shortly. He's stabilized right now and we have him in a private room. Agent Scully, I know you have a medical degree, are there any questions that I can answer for you?" "Can we see him?" " I don't see why not. He's in room 232." "Thank you doctor." With that, Scully quickly rode the elevator up to the second floor and soon she was sitting beside Mulder. She took his hand in both of hers and let the tears flow. *********************************************************************** Georgetown Medical Center 7:33pm Scully couldn't remember ever crying as much as she had in the past 2 and a half days. It seemed like so much longer then that, with the constant worrying, and the nonstop working towards trying to find Mulder. She didn't realize how bone tired she really was until she had fallen asleep clutching Mulder's still hand at around 2:30. She had woken up with a start, realizing that she hadn't contacted his mother, or her own. She quietly left the room to make the phone calls that she dreaded making, but she knew that his mother had to be informed, and she needed her mother there for the emotional support. She had always considered herself to be a strong woman. At times, she even felt infallible, but at that moment she couldn't hold onto the charade, and so she had picked up the phone and dialed the numbers, almost numbly. She knew her mother would want to be there. She considered Mulder family, and wouldn't want to be kept in the dark about something such as this. Maggie was shocked and horrified by what Scully had told her in the brief conversation, and hanging up, said she'd be over immediately. Next, she made the phone call that she least wanted to make. Tina Mulder picked up on the third ring, and after hearing what had happened, started to cry. The only words she had been able to utter at first were "My poor baby." Scully told her that she felt that he would make a complete physical recovery relatively quick. Mrs. Mulder had informed her that she couldn't make it to the hospital to see Mulder, because her health hadn't been to good lately and the doctors didn't want her travel. As Scully hung up the phone, she had promised to keep her apprised of the situation as things progressed. Now Scully was in the chair again, still holding Mulder's hand, as her mother sat next to her in a chair borrowed from another room. Skinner had gone to the office to right a report on the situation, as well as to assign two security guards to the hospital room of the perpetrator, as well as two agents to guard agent Mulder. "Dana honey, you should eat something. I doubt you've eaten anything in days." Spoke Mrs. Scully. "I'm not hungry mom. Besides, I need to be here in case Mulder wakes up. I don't want him to be alone." "He's not alone, Dana, I'm here. I can wait here while you eat something. Maybe go home for a change of cloths." She did feel kind of ripe. She hadn't showered in days, much less eaten, and she really would love a change of cloths. Still, she couldn't bear to leave his side. She had promised him that she wouldn't leave him, and she intended to keep her promise. "I promised I wouldn't leave him." She whispered. "When honey, when did you promise Fox that?" "When we found him. I told him that I wouldn't leave him. I said that I'd take care of him. "Dana, you need to take care of yourself too." "I know mom. I just can't leave him right now." "Dana honey, look at me." The whole time Scully and Maggie had been talking, she'd never once looked up at her mom, but she did now, and her mom had asked, and her mom saw the glint of fresh tears in her eyes. "Would you like me to go pick up some cloths for you? I could also bring something for you to eat. Maybe a sandwich and juice?" Her mom said with kind eyes. "Oh mom, what if he doesn't wake up? I mean, physically he should be awake. His concussion is gone, his heart rate and brain functioning is fine, he should be awake. What if he chooses not to come back." "Dana, you mustn't think like that. Fox will be fine. He just needs to find his way back, and he will. Just give him some time honey, you'll see. He'll come back to you." Dana released Mulder's hand briefly so she could hug her mother. "I love you mom." "I love you too sweetie. Now, would you like me to pick up those things for you?" "Please?" "I'll be back shortly." She said smiling, and Scully and Mulder were left alone together again. ************************************************************************** 2:02am She didn't know what to do with herself. She thought that maybe she might go insane if Mulder didn't wake up soon. She had fallen asleep again sometime around 11 when she was woken by a nurse asking if she wanted a second bed brought in. Since it was a private room, it would be allowed and it would be easier and more comfortable for her to sleep that way. She agreed, even though it meant that she'd have to release Mulder's hand. That cot just looked so inviting, and so she lie down in it and facing Mulder quickly fell asleep. For the first time in days, she slept soundly. She didn't even wake when her mom, tip-toeing in at around 4:00am, sat down in the chair Scully once occupied to watch her sleeping babies. *********************************************************************** 11:01am Scully had woken up at around 10:30 to see her mom sitting in the chair next to Mulder's bed, asleep. She smiled to herself and getting up silently made her way over to cover her with a blanket. She knew that she too was concerned for the man that she considered her adopted son, and she wondered how late her mom had stayed up worrying about him, as well as her. She had just started walking away after kissing her mother on the forehead when she heard her mom speak. "Dana honey?" "I'm just going to the bathroom mom. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." "No, it's alright. Any change from Fox?" "I don't think so. I've just woken up myself. It looks as if everything is the same," she said sadly. Scully quickly went to the restroom, and opening the door, saw that her mother had moved over to once again sit in the other chair. Smiling her thanks, Scully sat down again to continue her silent vigil. *********************************************************************** 11:19am She was praying. The last time she had really prayed like this was when Emily was sick. It was the only other time she had felt as lost as she did right then. She finished her prayers, and quietly took Mulder's hand in hers once again. "Mulder, please, if you can hear me please listen. I know that where you are right now feels safe. You're where no one can hurt you, and I know that you want to stay there, but you have to come home now. Please Mulder. Please come back to me." With the next remark, she leaned in closer to his ear and whispered, "Hey...and if you come back, maybe I'll finally become that spokesperson for the AB-roller, like I'd said I had years ago." "You know, I think I'd actually pay to see that?" ********************************************************************* End of Part 3 Continued in Part 4 ********************************************************************* Ties That Bind Part 4 of 11 By Stephanie Feldman Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape. Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R. Date: April 23, 1999 Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US) Disclaimers: Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of my own sick and twisted mind. Summary: Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully. *************************************************************************** Georgetown Medical Center 11:21am Scully started, now fully awake. When she'd sat down, she hadn't even noticed that he'd turned his head, which was now facing the window. Mulder had said it so softly that she didn't think he'd actually spoken. She looked up as he turned away from the window, and with a sad smile said "hey." "Mulder..." Scully said breathlessly, as she jumped up to hug him. "Oooh, you smell a bit ripe, he said, teasingly." She pulled back to get a good look at him, and almost swatted him. "Remind me to return the sentiment someday." She said sarcastically. "Hi Mrs. Scully," he said shyly. "Hello Fox, how are you feeling." "Ok I guess," he said shrugging his shoulders. "Why don't I step out and let you two talk?" Maggie said as she stood up and walked out, closing the door behind her. Mulder looked around suddenly noticing his new surroundings. Well, not so new. He'd been there many times in the past, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there this time, though he certainly knew why he was there. "Um, Scully, how'd I get here." Mulder asked. "Skinner and I found you at the cemetery. You'd passed out trying to escape your attacker." She wasn't about to say rapist, because she couldn't bring herself to, and because she wasn't about to mention it to Mulder if he wasn't ready to confront it. She didn't want to embarrass him. "Yeah he said with a sigh, I kinda figured that, but how did you find me? Did he leave any clues behind, did he ask for a ransom? He figured out I was FBI when he took my wallet. I don't think he knew that before he took me." "No, he didn't ask for a ransom. We never heard from him. The only clue left behind was your car that we found at the bar, and your cell phone that had your blood on it a few blocks away, as well as some of your blood on the wall, but we didn't find anything else." "Then how did you find me?" He asked confused. Scully didn't know what to say. How could she answer that question, when she didn't quite know herself what had led her to him, and what exactly caused her to have that dream. She knew that when he was hurt, she felt it to, and the same was true with Mulder, but the dream went farther then that. She was there. She had actually been there with him, and that scared her, because she didn't know how to explain it. This was Mulder's area of expertise, and the feeling of not being able to explain it, although nothing new to her, still left her feeling unsettled. She supposed she should just tell him. After all, he'd probably believer her, though be shocked that she'd actually admit to having a...whatever it was that she had. "Scully? How'd you find me?" he asked again, getting a little worried at the strained look on her face. "I don't actually know Mulder. I just knew." "What do you mean you just knew?" "I..."she started, faltering. "I kind of had a dream." "What kind of dream," he asked getting even more nervous. Scully was acting really strange, and he could tell that she was embarrassed about something, but he didn't know what. He knew she knew what had been done to him. He didn't yet know the extent of the physical damage, but it couldn't be that bad if all that he was hooked up to was and EEG, and an EKG. "Scully?" He asked again, when she didn't answer right away. "I, uh, I kind of dreamed that I was there with you. No, I was there with you Mulder," she said looking up. I was walking in the woods, and I came upon a building and I knew instantly that there was something wrong. There was a man and he went inside. He was in there for a really long time, and then when he came out, I went in and there you were." Scully stopped for a moment to calm herself, and started again in a hushed voice. "You were just lying in the corner in a ball. You weren't moving, Mulder, except for some slight shivering, and I was so scared. Your eyes were open, but they weren't looking at anything. Just staring, and so I sat down and I took you in my arms and started rocking you, trying to comfort you. To get you to wake up but you just lay there shivering and staring. I think you called my name once or twice, but it wasn't in recognition of the fact that I was there. You were looking for me and I tried to tell you that I was there but you didn't know. I tried..." Scully trailed off, as she started to cry, and she put her face in her hands. Mulder was just staring at her. He couldn't believe what she'd said. She'd actually been there. He had heard her voice, but he couldn't get to her. He had thought that it had been part of his delirium, but she had actually been there. With him. She'd actually found away to bridge the dreamscape and reach out to him. He was absolutely dumbstruck. Not so much by the fact that it happened, but that she admitted it. "Scully? Scully, look at me." Scully slowly looked up, trying to quickly dry her eyes. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She was supposed to be strong for him. "Scully. I felt you. I heard you calling my name, but I couldn't get to you. I was in such a cold place, but then I felt this incredible warmth all around me, and I heard you calling my name and trying to comfort me, but I couldn't reach out to you. I tried to call your name, but I couldn't get back to myself. I was kind of hovering somewhere above. I had shut myself off so completely, but then I somehow found the strength and I got back. That's when I was able to get the knife and get away, but then...I was so weak, I tripped on a tree trunk, and that's the last I remember." Now it was Scully's turn to be shocked. "You heard me?" she said surprised. Mulder just nodded his head, and took her hand in his. "I heard your voice and felt your warmth, a I knew that I had to get back to you. I had been so far gone Scully. When I first discovered he'd left his knife behind, it took all my strength not to use It on myself. After...after what he'd done." He finished, looking down. "But then you came, and you saved me. You gave me the strength to try and save myself." He looked up and saw her smiling down on him. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. ************************************************************************ Georgetown Medical Center 11:30am Mulder and Scully looked up as they heard a polite knock at the door. "Mr. Mulder, I see you've finally decided to join us?" Dr. Wiessman asked "Hello Dr. Wiessman," Scully said smiling. "He just woke up a few minutes ago." Scully turned to look at Mulder, and was horrified by what she saw. He was shaking all over, eyes wide and scared, just staring at the doctor. She knew that this would be coming, in fact she had been surprised that Mulder had been acting relatively calm since he'd woken up. But then again, she was a woman, and he trusted her. The doctor was a man, whom he'd never seen before. And he was absolutely terrified. She looked down at their hands, which were still interwoven, and realized for the first time just how tight his grip had become. She could also hear the distress he was in from the EKG, as his heart rate increased. "Mulder...this is your doctor, Dr. Wiessman." Mulder just continued to shake and stare. "Mr. Mulder, I understand how you must be feeling right now, but I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just here to see how you are doing this morning. Do a standard physical, and explain to you the extent of your injuries as well as to see how they are doing. I promise that I will not hurt you. The man that hurt you is not here, and I assure you that he will not hurt you anymore. "Can...can Scully stay here during the exam?" Mulder asked shakily. "Of course, if you want her to." "Scully?" Mulder looked at her with pleading eyes. "Mulder, you know I'll stay. Of course, if you ever want me to be able to shoot a gun again, you're going to have to loosen up on that grip of yours." She said smiling, and trying not to grimace at the pain. Mulder looked down at their hands. "Oh. Sorry Scully," he said, and quickly released her hand so that she could flex it. Scully looked over at the heart monitor again and noticed, thankfully, that his heart rate had dropped. It was still a little high, but at least it wasn't racing as it had been. "Now, Mr. Mulder, how are you feeling?" "A little stiff. My ribs and my ankle hurt, umm...my, uh, my rectum hurts," He said almost inaudibly. "And this catheter isn't to comfortable either." He added with a slight smirk. "Well, we had to insert that. You're a little weak to be going to the bathroom on your own right now. That'll have to be in for a while I'm afraid. Until you're ready to be released, and you can make a bowl movement on your own, that is. As for the other discomforts, you suffered few injuries, but they were nice ones. You have two broken ribs which have been set, and a sprained ankle, as well as bruising in other places which should heal on their own. There was also some tearing on the inside of your rectum, which we went in and stitched up. The sutures will be checked in about a week to see if they're ready to come out. That's really about the extent of the injuries. I'm going to do a quick physical now, is that alright?" Mulder just nodded his head as he took a hold of Scully's hand again, though with a much looser grip. A short while later the doctor was finished, and Mulder breathed a sigh of relief. "Alright, everything looks to be coming along nicely. If all goes well, you should be out of here in about 10 days. How does that sound." "OK, I guess," Mulder whispered. "Good. Well then, I guess that'll be all for now. Oh, one more thing Mr. Mulder. The Police will have to take a statement on what happened. They have been contacted as is regulation, and they would like to know when you will be able to speak with them." "I uh, um I don't...can this wait? Can we do this tomorrow, I'm kind of tired." Mulder didn't want to do this. He just wanted it all to go away. He didn't want to talk about it, because to talk about it would be to make it real. He didn't want it to be real. He just wanted to go to sleep and to wake up with it having been a terrible nightmare. He didn't want to be as scared as he was right now. Scared that he would always be nervous anytime he was around another man. And how would he ever be able to face Skinner again. Skinner would think he was weak. That he could no longer do his job. And to make matters worse, now he was absolutely terrified of the man. Hell, he was terrified of everyone. Except Scully. Scully was there with him when he needed her. She held him, and kept him safe. She gave him her strength and made him strong enough to escape. He was safe with her. The doctor broke into his thoughts as he spoke again. "Tomorrow then. Meanwhile, I'll be in later to check up on you." "Fine." Mulder sighed. When the doctor left, Scully looked into Mulder's eyes and asked the silent question. "I'm ok Scully. I'm just tired." "Why don't you go to sleep Mulder. You need your rest. Things will look better when you wake up later." She said with a sympathetic smile. "Will you stay with me? Please?" "I'll be here Mulder. Don't worry, now close your eyes," she said in that same tone she'd used when he had woken up after almost drowning in the Bermuda Triangle. "Am I supposed to say there's no place like home?" He asked smiling and remembering. Scully smiled. Mulder suddenly grew serious. "Because it would be a lie," he said. Looking into her eyes, he said, "There's no place like here." *************************************************************************** 2:00pm He'd been asleep for about an hour and a half now. She still couldn't believe that he'd said it. He'd said it so softly that she could almost make herself believe that she'd imagined it, but the look that she'd seen in his eyes had proven otherwise. She didn't know what he'd meant by it thought. She knew that he loved her. What that love was though, she had no clue. Whether it was the love of a close friend or a brotherly love, or something more. They were both extremely good at hiding their feelings for the other. It was something that they'd practiced for going on six years and it had become an art form. She realized that there were times when Mulder touched her for no other reason then to know that she was there. The well placed hand at the small of her back to usher her through a door, or the light tap on her arm to get her attention. She supposed that those touches were some sign of the feelings he had for her, but it's something that he'd done from the beginning so she never really paid any attention to it other then a passing acknowledgement. Then there was the ever-present flow of innuendoes, but that went both ways. Of course, there was that moment in his hallway when they almost kissed. She never really knew where that would have gone if circumstances hadn't sought to stop it. And she didn't know if it was something that had been coming for a long time, or whether it was a means of getting her to stay in the FBI. They never talked about it again. A voice said in her head what she'd been trying to avoid ever since Mulder had said those words in the hospital after being recovered in Bermuda. "Dana, he said that he loves you." And then a voice answered back. "But he was drugged. He didn't mean it." Scully shook her head trying to clear the voices. She just didn't know what to do. It seemed that there was a lot that she didn't know lately, and it was making her extremely tired. She looked over at her bed and thought that it looked extremely inviting at this moment. She was about to get up and go over to it when Mulder started thrashing around on the bed. Shit she thought, he's having a nightmare. He was flailing out with his arms and trying to kick with his legs. She was afraid that he was going to hurt himself farther, so she carefully got onto the bed with him and pulled him into her lap, rocking him back and forth trying to calm him down so he wouldn't strain his ribs or hurt his ankle farther. ***********************NC17******************* Oh God, Mulder thought. Not again. Mulder panicked as he heard the devil outside beginning to open the door. He was coming for him again. He couldn't take it. Not again. It's too much, he thought. Mulder crawled into the far corner trying to get away, but he knew that it didn't matter. He was coming. The devil entered and grinned his evil grin, and started making his way over to Mulder. Mulder tried to scream, but he couldn't get the sound past his throat. The devil was coming. He began to whimper as he was forced over to the chains again and tied up as before. "Please. Please don't do this. Why?" He moaned. "Because I like you my little fox. I haven't had a friend like you in so long. I'm having fun, aren't you?" He laughed. When the devil saw a tear streak down Mulder's face he frowned. "Aww, I guess not. Well no matter. I'll have enough fun for the both of us." The devil began to strip and then as before he positioned himself over him and started caressing him. Up his back and under towards his chest, rubbing his nipples. Kneading them, pinching them, making the arousal build in him until he was crying from embarrassment and shame. Rubbing his penis up against his anus, the head poking at the opening but not entering. Not yet. Still rubbing, but moving farther down now towards his own penis. Hands on his penis moving up and down, Thumb rolling over the head, swirling the pre-cum over the head and shaft. Then the mouth slipping, wet over the head, licking, lapping, moving all the way down to the hilt and back up again. Coming full force in his mouth as the orgasm ripped through him. He could feel the devil grinning as he withdrew his penis, now limp and moved over to his rear. "Oh God, please. Please...Mulder trailed off. And then the groan from the devil as Mulder was entered from behind. In, out, in, out. Over and over again. The orgasm as it once more began to build and the humiliation as he came all over himself...again. Crying. He couldn't stop crying. And then he was unchained and left alone for the short time before he knew the devil would come again. So alone. So cold. And then he felt her arms encircle him. The gentle rocking and the whispered words of comfort that somehow helped him feel better. Tears. He felt tears on his shoulder. ************************************************************************* She had been ok for most of the nightmare. She had been able to stave off the tears during his murmuring. Until that is, that she heard him say please. Please don't , and then she saw the tears slip from underneath his closed eyelids. And she couldn't hold them in anymore. She was still rocking him. Telling him that it would be all right and that he was safe. But she knew that it was far from what he felt, and she couldn’t fight it anymore. She remembered the vow she'd made to herself when he'd still been missing, and she rocked him, waiting until the nightmare subsided. When he was still again and the tears stopped flowing, she leaned over and whispered in his ear. "I love you, Mulder. I've always loved you. I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise." Mulder's eyes twitched and opened. He looked at Scully and murmured, "I love you too, Scully." Smiling, she leaned down and placed a small kiss on his mouth, still wet with tears. She then placed two kisses on each of his eyelids. When she looked down at him, he was asleep again. And she just smiled. ********************************************************************** March 10, 1999 7:10am Mulder and Scully were sleeping in their hospital beds when they were awoken by a commotion a few doors down, and then a loud bang. Scully jumped out of bed, looking over at Mulder and motioned for him to lie still as she crept up to the door to peek out. "Scully, what's going on?" Mulder asked worriedly. "I don't know." She whispered back, "hold on, I'll be right back," she added as she slipped quietly out the door. Mulder meanwhile lie in his bed frustrated that he couldn't get up to see for himself what was going on. When it took to long for Scully to return, Mulder decided to take a chance and try to get out of bed. He needed to know what happened. Somehow he knew that it was important. The catheter had been removed just the other day, so he didn't have to worry about that, and he was no longer hooked up to the EKG or the EEG. It was just a matter of balance. He hadn't really been on his feet too much, and he was a bit shaky. And his butt was still sore. Mulder swore under his breath as he almost fell over, but he quickly got a hold of himself and made the agonizing walk over to the door. He was suddenly very happy that Sully had surprised him with his PJ's the other day, so that he didn't have to worry about flashing all the nurses with the standard issue hospital gown. When Mulder finally stepped out into the hall, he saw that no one was there. He could here voices coming from around the corner in the other corridor, so he tentatively followed them and soon found that he wished he'd stayed in bed. About 50 paces in front of him, in the middle of a crowd of Doctors, nurses, and Scully, was his attacker. He was dead from a bullet wound in the back that from the looks of it went straight through his right lung. Mulder felt his own lungs suddenly empty of air and he collapsed onto his knees in the middle of the hallway. Just then, Scully took that moment to turn around and saw Mulder on the ground, eyes wide and mouth open in disbelief, and she guessed a little fear at having to see his attacker again. "Mulder!" Scully cried, and running knelt by his side. "What are you doing?" She cried. "I told you to stay in bed." Mulder just shook his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. "Mulder, come on, I'm getting you back to your room. Now!" Mulder slowly rose to his feet with Scully's assistance, and she half carried him back to his room and got him settled in bed. He lay there for a while just staring at the ceiling. Finally after about 10 minutes he spoke. "He's dead?" "It would appear so." "What happened?" Mulder asked. "It looks as if he tried to escape. For some reason there was only one officer standing guard. He hit him over the head with the water glass from his room but before he could get away, the other officer returned and saw him trying to run in the other direction. He yelled for him to stop, and when he didn't, he fired and you know the rest." Scully looked at Mulder, but he just lay there; thinking. "Scully?" "Yeah Mulder?" "Um, would you think badly of me if I said that I was glad that he was dead?" Mulder asked quietly, head bowed. "No Mulder. I don't think that anyone would, but I think the question is would you feel badly of me if I said that I was glad?" Mulder looked up in shock. Scully rarely spoke ill of anyone. Well, that's not true. She wasn't exactly kind when speaking of Diana, and the syndicate didn't count as people so "Scully?" "Mulder, when you were gone, it was like I'd lost a piece of myself. I mean, you've been missing before, but It never felt like It did this time. I was so scared Mulder. I didn't know until the dream what had happened to you, but I knew that it was far worse then anything that we'd been through thus far and I was absolutely terrified. Mulder, I felt what was happening to you as if it were happening to me and I never want anyone to feel like that. Mulder, I'm glad he's dead, and maybe that makes me a bad person, but now one less scumbag is on the streets. Now he can never hurt anyone else again. And he can never hurt you again." "Scully, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, I" "Mulder, don't you dare apologize, you did nothing wrong." "But if I hadn't defended Diana again, we wouldn't have had that fight, and I wouldn't have gotten drunk. I wouldn't have been in that area and this never would have happened. It's all my fault. It's always my fault." Mulder finished with a sigh. "Mulder," Scully gasped walking over to him and taking his hand in hers. "This is not your fault. You didn't ask for this to happen, and that fight was not all your fault. I am as much to blame as you are with that. I know you have a past with Diana, and that you trust her. If we were ever separated and then brought together again, I would expect you to still trust me the way you do now. As you do Diana. I can't fault you for that, and I don't. But that doesn't matter right now. What matters is for you to understand that none of this is your fault. No one deserves to have this happen to them." "But I didn't stop him." He whispered. "I let him touch me, and I...I came..." he trailed off. "Mulder, you couldn't stop him, and you didn't let him touch you. He forced you, and you know perfectly well that you can't prevent the physiological response to sexual stimulation. No one can." "No." Mulder said, shaking his head. I should have stopped him." "Mulder, you did stop him. You protected yourself when you could. You got the knife and you got away. Don't you know how brave you are? Don't you know what a wonderfully brave man you are?" Scully looked at him pleadingly. Mulder just looked at her, with the most sorrowful eyes she had ever seen. "Oh Mulder," she whispered as she climbed into bed with him to hold him. "You're such a wonderful person," Scully said as she wrapped her arms around his frail body. "I wish you could see through my eyes just what a truly beautiful person you are." And she comforted him as his body was wracked with tears. ********************************************************************** March 12, 1999 2:45am Mulder was finally going home today. She was as happy for herself as she was for him, because that meant that she could go home too. She hadn't slept at home since she'd found Mulder just 7 days earlier. Seven long, agonizing days of sleeping on a cot in a hospital. But she wasn't sorry. She'd learned so much about herself during that time. Mostly about how much she loved Mulder. She had sent her mom home about a day after Mulder had woken up. Mulder was fine, and she didn't need to be there. She had stopped by frequently to see how he was doing though, and she was happy that he was making such a speedy physical, if not mental recovery; but the latter was to be expected. Mulder was happy to be going home. Truth be told, he wasn't actually going "home." He was going with Scully to her place. She didn't want him to be at his apartment alone. She didn't want to give him the chance to start wallowing, because she knew that he wouldn't be able to get himself out of the depression. Not at this stage of the game, at least. Although Scully didn't know it, Mulder didn't exactly want to go back to his place either. Being with Scully for so long, he didn't want to be alone again. Plus, he felt safer with her. She kept the demons at bay, and she helped sooth the nightmares. Scully was sitting by his bedside on her cot, just staring at him. She couldn't get over how peaceful he looked when he was unaware of the world around him. When all of the worries just slipped away and he could just be. Without worrying about the conspiracies, and the bureau, and his sister. Although she was pretty sure that his sister occupied every sleeping moment as well as the ones when he was awake. She felt sorry for him. Not for the man that he was, but for the child that he was never able to be. You could still see that child poke his head out every once in a while, like for instance when he was sleeping, and she took those moments to wonder about the boy that he must have been, and the man he had become. How did such a man come out of such a tragedy? And how would he survive this latest one? She fell asleep wondering about these things. And was woken up by a gentle hand on her cheek. Mulder had been staring at her for about an hour. He couldn't turn away. She was so beautiful; even more so in sleep then when awake, which was a puzzle that his mind couldn't piece together at this moment, because he couldn't imagine anything more beautiful then Scully's eyes, and you just couldn't see her eyes when she was sleeping. But she looked so calm and peaceful when she was sleeping, and it was rare that he got to see it and appreciate it. Now that their feelings were out in the open, he had no fear of her finding him staring at her, so he just kept staring. Starting at the soft flutter of her eyelashes as she dreamed, moving down the graceful yet strong line of her nose, her plum red lips that fell into a soft pout even in sleep. She was so graceful and tender. The years of sorrow and pain slipping away as she dreamed of better times. A time when her everyday worries weren't that of government plots and conspiracies, and what mess he was getting himself into. He often felt that he was to blame for her misfortunes, and for her having gotten the reputation of Mrs. Spooky due to working with him. And he felt selfish because he just couldn't imagine his life without her now. Although at times he wished that she'd go back into medicine and salvage what was left of her career, he couldn't bring himself to let her go. Because he would miss her. He would miss her, "Mulder, you're crazy," and "Mulder, you're not trying to tell me that..." etc. etc. etc. And he just couldn't stand it anymore. He had to touch her. Even if it was just to lightly brush the stray piece of hair off of her cheek. He had to touch her, and so he did. "Mulder?" "Hey. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." "What are you doing out of bed? Are you ok?" "I'm fine, I just couldn't sleep anymore. I've spent too much time sleeping lately." "How's your ankle?" "Good. It doesn't hurt anymore. You know Scully," he said sitting on the side of his bed. "He...didn't sprain my ankle. I mean it wasn't anything that he did." "What do you mean?" She said giving him "the eyebrow." "I um, kinda tripped when I was drunk. I stumbled off of the sidewalk." He finished with an impish grin. "Lousy drunk." "Hey! No making fun of the lame." "Oh you're lame alright! She said smiling. Mulder gave her the pout. "Oh puleeze Mulder." She sighed, and then muttered under her breath..."two can play at that game, " and she stood up and slowly bending down, kissed him on his lower lip that jutted out ever so slightly. Just has he began to deepen the kiss though, she pulled away and said, "uh uh uh...you do want to leave the hospital today don't you?" "What does that have to do with anything?" he asked, breathlessly. "I'm afraid that if we continue much longer, you really won't be able to walk." And as she said that, she gave him the most seductive look that she could, bent down, and kissed him so long and hard that it left him gasping for air. "Um, Scully?" "Yeah." "When do we get to leave?" ************************************************************************** End Part 4 Continued in part 5 ************************************************************************* Ties That Bind Part 5 of 11 By Stephanie Feldman Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape. Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R. Date: April 29, 1999 Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US) Disclaimers: Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of my own sick and twisted mind. Summary: Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully. ************************************************************************** Annapolis Maryland Dana Scully's Apartment March 12, 1999 5:00pm They had made a brief stop at Mulder's apartment in Alexandria to pick up a few items, and it wasn't long before they were finally at Scully's apartment. Word's couldn't describe how he felt at that moment. To be out of the hospital and not to have to go through those humiliating tests to see if he was "functioning properly." To be poked and prodded like a test subject. He had had enough of that in the past few weeks to last a lifetime. Too bad he had to go back to the doctors for a follow-up exam in a week. If he never saw the inside of another hospital again, it would be too soon. Of course, that would be impossible, considering he was and FBI agent who all to frequently took up residence at the hospital, but that didn't mean that he had to like it. Especially this time around, under these circumstances. He was finding it more and more difficult to keep up the façade with Scully that he was handling this just fine. He knew that he wasn't, and he knew that she probably knew that he wasn't, but he couldn't allow himself to feel vulnerable. He needed desperately to feel in control of himself again, but he just wasn't there yet. He didn't know if he'd ever be again, and that scared him more then anything in the world. He didn't want to think of the possibility that he'd never be able to achieve field agent status again. He might as well of let that man kill him. Bet yet, he'd do it himself. Scully broke into his reverie and he realized that he was just standing inside her doorway, staring at the carpet as if there was something extremely interesting about it. He often slipped into these moods, where he couldn't figure out what he was supposed to do. The task of walking became more difficult then he could manage, and so he just stood there and stared. But he looked up when Scully called his name, and gave her a sheepish smile that seemed to appear more and more often these days. Muttering a "sorry," he closed the door and moved to take his things into the spare bedroom. Scully entered the room about five minutes later and found him sitting on the edge of the bed, just staring off into space again. His suitcase was sitting next to him unopened. "Mulder?" She spoke softly. "Are you alright?" "Huh?" he said slowly. "Oh, yeah I'm ok Scully. I guess I'm just tired. Long day. I didn't expect there to be as many more tests as there were. I think I'm going to skip dinner and just go to bed. I'm sorry for being such trouble, I know you had a good meal planned." Mulder was still looking at the floor. "Mulder, you don't have to apologize for anything. We can celebrate your homecoming tomorrow. You go ahead and go to sleep. Don't worry about a thing." Scully walked over and lightly lifted his chin so that he was looking at her, but he still had that faraway look in his eyes and she knew that somewhere inside he was reliving what had happened to him. It hurt her that she couldn't take away his pain. She placed a soft kiss on the tip of his nose, and then another one on his forehead. When she pulled away, his eyes were closed, and she could see a tear glistening on his cheek. She opened his suitcase for him and pulled out his yellow pajamas. She walked over to him and went to smooth his hair out of his face, and was surprised when he jerked away. He seemed to come to his senses quickly though, and giving her an apologetic look, took the pajamas and headed to the bathroom to change. Scully stood there watching his back as he left the room and with watery eyes turned to turn down the bed. When Mulder returned, he looked like he'd aged ten years. She reached out her hand to help him into bed and he gently took her hand and climbed under the covers. Mulder rolled over onto his right side facing the window and curled into a ball. Scully didn't think she'd ever seen anyone curl into such a tight ball before. She was about to leave the room when she heard Mulder speak to her. "Scully?" "Mmhmm?" "Could you, um, stay here for a while? Just until I fall asleep?" "If you want me to. No problem." "Thank you Scully." "For what?" "For being here for me. For caring and not treating me like I'm defective." "Mulder, you are anything but defective. You are the strongest person I know and you're going to get through this. Whatever you need, I'm here for you. Don't be afraid to ask, and please don't be afraid to tell me when you're upset about something. I can't help if you keep me in the dark. But he couldn't tell her. He couldn't tell her what he was afraid of. He didn't even know half the time. He knew that they were unfounded. That "man" would never hurt him again. He was dead. Mulder knew that, but he was still terrified. He couldn't tell her. So he pretended he was already asleep. "Mulder?" When he didn’t answer, she sighed and sat back in the chair that she'd placed next to his bed. She prayed that his dreams would give him a reprieve, if just for one night. ********************************************************************* 10:13pm Scully was awakened by a blood-curdling scream. At first she couldn't imagine where it had come from but then she saw Mulder thrashing around on the bed. He was trying to get away from his attacker, but it appeared as if he couldn't move. He was lying on his back and his arms and legs were still, but he was bucking at the waste. He was sobbing uncontrollably. Scully immediately jumped up out of the chair and went to try to calm him down. She didn't want to wake him for fear of scaring him even farther, so she just climbed into the bed and lying down next to him so that they were facing each other, gently pulled him into her. She calmly stroked his tear-streaked face and placed a kiss on top of his head, murmuring softly to him trying to lull him into peaceful slumber. When she went to sweep his hair off of his forehead again he jerked. She made it a point to ask him about it when he was feeling better. As Scully continued to rub Mulder's back, he seemed to calm down and so Scully loosened her grip on him. Mulder unconsciously snuggled closer curling into a fetal position once more and buried his head in her abdomen. It was if he was five years old, snuggling up to his mother after being afraid of monsters under the bed. She half expected to see him start sucking his thumb. But he just drew up closer to her and grew quiet. And soon, Scully followed him into dreamless sleep. ************************************************************************* March 13, 1999 5:20am When Mulder woke up he was more then a little confused. It took him a while to remember that he was at Scully's place, which was fine, but then he felt an extra person in bed with him and it made him more then a little nervous. And he started to panic. Until he looked over and noticed that it was Scully. Which made him confused all over again because he knew that she hadn't been in bed with him when he went to sleep. Not that he minded, he just wished that he knew how and why she was there now. He was lying on his back and she was curled up along his left side. He was startled at how natural and good it felt to have her beside him in bed. Though he wished that it were under different circumstances, although he really didn't know what those circumstances were. Scully stirred in her sleep and moved closer to Mulder. He closed his eyes simply in order to feel her next to him. He didn't want it to end, but he felt like he was taking advantage of Scully, so he quietly, so as not to disturb her got up. After going to the bathroom he went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. When Scully woke up the coffee was almost ready. She rolled over in bed to find it empty and sat up looking around the room. She smelled the coffee, which at that moment was like a thin slice of heaven, and moved to join Mulder in the kitchen...who was staring at the coffee as it dripped from the filter into the pot. She moved over to him so that she was just in his line of site and stared at him with the most amusing look that she could muster before having her coffee. It did its job nicely. He turned, startled and burst out laughing at the look on her face. She walked up to him and snaked her arms around his waste. He bent down and kissed her on the top of her head. "Hey" She said. "Hey yourself." Mulder pulled back to look at her and gave her a quirky look. "So... I woke up this morning and there was an extra person in my bed, not that I mind, being it was you and all, but might I ask how you got there? I seem to remember that you were in a chair when I went to bed." She looked down and spoke quietly. "You um, had a nightmare. You were crying out and I got into bed to try to comfort you." "Oh. He said softly. Was it bad?" "Yeah. It looked like you were trying to get away from him but you couldn't move. You just kept bucking and crying." She finished in such a low whisper that Mulder almost didn't hear her. "Yeah, um...he had me tied down most of the time. There were...there were shackles and um...rope." Mulder's voice broke on the last word. Scully hugged him around the waste again and he buried his head in her neck. They stood like that for a while, and when they pulled away, they'd both been crying. "It's ok Mulder. You'll get through this. We'll get through this. We won't let him win." "He's already won Scully," he said bitterly. "What do you mean?" "Look at me. I have nightmares every night, I wake up not knowing where I am, I'm paranoid for no good reason because the son of a bitch is dead and I know he can't hurt me but still I'm frightened. I'm scared so you're scared, which makes me angry because that means that he not only got to me, but to you too. He's won!" "Mulder...you're alive, and you're fighting. You're getting better everyday, and as far as I'm concerned, he's lost, because the best thing that has ever happened to me has come out of this. The fact that I can now tell you that I love you and not be afraid is all because of him; and I hate that this had to be the means by which I came to admit it, but damned if I'm going to let that bastard take that away from me. Mulder, you're a fighter. You're the strongest person I have ever met. For you to have gone through the things that you have and survived, not only to have survived but to be the person you are; that is remarkable. It would break anyone else, but you just keep coming back from it all, and stronger then ever before. Are you going to let him take that away from you? Are you going to let him take you from me? Because I'm not going to give up so easily. I won't loose you without a fight." Mulder just stood there in stunned silence. "Scully?" "Yea?" "I love you too." Scully just smiled. Mulder pulled her into a hug and as he smiled said, "Hope to God I never get on your bad side." And they both laughed. The first real laugh that they'd shared in over two weeks. ************************************************************************** 10:30am After they'd eaten a small breakfast, Scully had taken a long look around the apartment. It was definitely in need of some spring-cleaning. She had noticed when making breakfast that there was hardly anything in the fridge, so she mentioned the need for going food shopping to Mulder. She had offered to go alone, but he didn't want to stay in her place by himself. It was understandable in his situation, but she was still worried about him. She mentioned to him for the umpteenth time that he should see a psychiatrist, but he denied it saying that he was a psychiatrist and his diagnosis was that he didn't need one. She tried to argue with him, but he started to get angry, but that was the last thing that she wanted, so she dropped the subject for the time being. Meanwhile, they went food shopping, which was pretty uneventful seeing as how Mulder had gotten himself into one of his moods again. She threw jokes at him trying to cheer him up, trying to start their familiar banter, but he just smiled his sad half smile and continued to stare at nothing. She frequently had to call his name to get him to keep walking. She wondered what was going on in his head when he was in one of those moods. She couldn't imagine ever going through what he was going through. She wished that there were something that she could do. When they came upon the dessert isle, Scully got the idea that maybe a cake would help, if just a little to ease the symptoms if not cure the disease. She figured chocolate was probably his style, so she found the most delectable chocolate cake she could and put it in the cart. Mulder didn't notice. Now the cake was safely hidden in the fully stocked fridge, and Mulder was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels, though not really watching anything. He had offered to help her clean, and she had agreed, but when she found him just standing with the vacuum starring at the wall, she gently took it from him and told him that he should probably rest. He argued that he wanted to help, but she told him that she appreciated it though she felt that he needed to get well first, so she sat him in front of the TV. She continued to clean and every so often she looked in on Mulder. He was still the same. Still flipping channels, still staring at nothing. She was really concerned for him. Not because he was behaving this way, but because he was refusing to see a psychiatrist. What would he do when Skinner required one in order for him to get his job back, as she knew he would? Mulder would be furious and uncooperative, but she had to make him see that it was necessary. When she finished cleaning, she put everything away and went over to sit with Mulder. When she walked into the room, at first she couldn't see him but when she drew closer, she saw that he was lying down, having taken off his shoes. He was asleep again. He looked so frail and so small. She just wanted to take him in her arms like a little boy and make all his problems go away. But she couldn't make these problems disappear. It was up to him to get through it. She would help him, of course but he had to want to get better himself. She just sat down in her over-stuffed chair and watched him. Hopefully in his sleep he would find some peace from the pain he was going through. Soon, she found sleep herself. ************************************************************************** 2:17pm When Scully woke up, Mulder wasn't on the couch. She looked around frantically, but when she heard him in the kitchen she calmed down and chided herself for worrying. Where would he go? She asked herself, and gently shook her head. She got up and went to see what he was doing. She watched him in awe before she interrupted him. He was smiling. He was apparently making the two of them lunch. Nothing fancy, just tuna sandwiches and tea, but he was smiling; and humming. Mulder suddenly turned and saw her. "Morning sunshine." He said smiling. "Sorry to tell you this, but it's afternoon." Scully said smiling just as broadly. "So?" "So whatcha doing?" She asked, coming over to him and hugging him around his back. He took her hands and gently kissed both of them. "Well I decided that I'd better cheer up and earn my keep here, so I decided to make a nice, though rather mundane lunch for us to make up for my rather dull attitude earlier today." "Mulder, first of all, you don't have to earn your keep. You earned it a long time ago. Second of all, you have nothing to make up for in terms of your moods, although I must say that this person who wants to make me lunch and tea may come around whenever he wants." She finished with a smile. He turned around and looked at her with a sad smile on his face. And then suddenly put a blob of mayonnaise on her nose with his finger. "Mulder!" She cried. But Mulder just bent down and taking her face in his hands, barely touching her nose with his tongue swept the mayonnaise off again and then kissed the area which his tongue had previously been. He then tilted her head farther back and kissed her passionately. She deepened the kiss farther and opened her mouth so that he may gain entrance. She brought her arms around his back and started to move her hands up to the nape of his neck and he jerked away. "Mulder?" She asked. "I'm sorry Scully." "No. Don't apologize. Can you tell me what happened? Why can't I touch your hair?" She asked tentatively. "It's stupid, really." He said head bowed. "Mulder, whatever it is, I promise you it's not stupid." "It's just that he, uh...It's that he...would pull my hair whenever he wanted me to move." he said shrugging his shoulders. Sighing, he continued, "The first night, he was yelling at me. He crouched down over me and pulled me by my hair to get me to look at him. Then later...he...pulled me over to...to the shackles...by my hair. He did it other times to." Scully cursed herself for ruining his good mood. She cursed herself for forgetting that he seemed not to like it when she touched his head. "Mulder, I'm so sorry. I didn't know..." "Scully no, he said taking her hands, it wasn't your fault, please don't apologize." He said pleadingly. "I don't want you to be sad; I never want you to be sad." He pulled her hands up to his heart and bent down and they kissed again, hands and heart entwined. ************************************************************************* 7:05pm They had eaten a late lunch, so they were now sitting down to a late dinner. It was good that tomorrow was Sunday. Scully had to go back to work on Monday, and she dreaded leaving Mulder alone all day. He wasn't looking forward to it either, but he wasn't up to going back to work yet. Not even the mandatory desk duty that he'd be facing. So, he was consigned to sit around her apartment all day. Meanwhile, they were sitting and enjoying his celebratory dinner. Scully loved to cook, and it was something that she rarely got to do, since she was never home. She took sheer delight in preparing tonight's dinner, and even more joy in watching Mulder consume it. Much like a vacuum consumes dirt. She was just staring at him when Mulder decided to look up. "What?" He asked smiling, mouth full of chicken and garlic couscous. "Oh, nothing...just watching you pretend you’re a Hoover Upright. You know, if you were so fond of vacuuming, you could have done a better job earlier." She finished with her patented eyebrow raise. "You think I'm a Hoover now, wait to you see what I do to that Chocolate cake you got in the fridge." He said with a sly grin. "Mulder, you shit, you peeked!" "Sorry, Scully, he said impishly. I saw it when I went to get the Mayo, earlier. Which I might add tasted better on you then it did on the tuna." "Maybe when you're feeling more "up" to it, we can try it in other places." Mulder looked at her stunned. "Scully, have I told you how much I love you?" "Not in the last five minutes." She said with a huge smile on her face. "Well, maybe this will tell you just how much..." And he took some couscous and flung it at her. Scully gasped. "Mulder! After I just vacuumed! Oh, you're gonna die for that G-man! And they spent the next five minutes having the most hysterical food fight ever. ************************************************************************** 11:21pm Mulder had consumed the cake pretty much in the manner that he'd mentioned earlier. Afterwards, she has burst out laughing at the fact that he resembled an 18-month-old child after eating cake. She directed him to the bathroom to clean up and as she turned to clear the table, heard distinctly "Mulder laughter" coming from the other room. She had just grinned and continued cleaning. Now they were sitting in front of the TV getting ready to watch a movie that they'd picked up earlier in the day after food shopping. Scully had picked out "Philadelphia Story, " but Mulder had wanted "Contact." Scully won out on the basis that "Contact" was tantamount to bringing work home, and he grudgingly agreed. "As Cary Grant popped up on the screen, Mulder said, "Oh come on Scully, I'm cuter then that, right?" When Scully didn't answer, Mulder turned to her. She had the kind of smile on her face that said, "I'm not telling," in the kind of way that only a child could perfect. "Scully?" Mulder prodded moving in closer. She just crossed her arms in front of her chest and said, "Shhh, I'm watching Cary." "Scully, if you don't answer me, I'm going to be forced to resort to tickling." Scully whipped her head around. "Mulder, if you touch me so help me..." But at that, Mulder pounced and started tickling her stomach. Scully squealed and began kicking in the air, trying to get away. She managed to get Mulder's hands away, but in doing so they both became unbalanced and landed with a resounding thud on the floor. Scully on top of Mulder. Scully was so busy laughing that she didn't notice Mulder had grown still and silent. When she looked down at him he had a panicked look on his face. Scully quickly got off of him and moved to his side. "Mulder, I'm sorry...are you ok?" "Yeah..." He said quietly. "I'm fine. I just...I wasn't prepared." "Do you need help up?" Scully asked tersely. "No, I'm fine." Mulder said as he got up and went to the bathroom. Scully just sat there, wondering if she'd ever be able to touch him without worrying if he would get scared and shut himself off. About five minutes later, Mulder came back and sat down next to Scully, who was still sitting on the floor. "Scully, can we talk?" "Sure Mulder. Whatever you want. I'm here for you, and I'm not going anywhere." "I know." He said smiling, "and you have know idea how happy that makes me. To know that I can rely on you after something like this. I know how frustrating this must be for you; us finally telling each other how we feel, and not really being able to show it. Well, in any physical sense I mean." "Mulder, don't worry. It'll be ok." "Scully, I know. I know it will, but it's frustrating for me too because I want so badly to hold you and to make love to you, but every time I think about it I get scared. I just...I just don't know how long I can deal with this. I'm scared all the time. When you touch me I feel his hands and it's killing me that he's gotten to me like this. I know that if you hadn't found me I'd be dead right now. He wouldn't have let me live, Scully, and I am so thankful that I'm alive, but is this much different? Am I just the walking dead? I feel so empty inside. Like that bastard took everything away that was me. My sanity, my soul. I just don't know how much more I can take." "Mulder, I can't say that I know what you're going through, because I don’t. All I can say is that he hasn't beaten you. What you're feeling is normal. I mean, God, what you suffered...I could have never survived that. I honestly don't know how you're dealing with it as well as you are. You have to remember though, that you have so much more then you think. You do have your sanity, because you're sitting here talking with me. You are so strong Mulder; you have no idea what you've accomplished. And please don't forget that you have me. That's one thing that this bastard can't take from you. And the man I love...the man I have always loved...he hasn't taken that away. He can't ever take that away, no one can. Mulder, it's going to take time to get through this, but I will always be here with you. Please don't forget that. But Mulder...you do have to talk to someone if you want to get better faster." "But I have you to talk to." Mulder said quietly. "Mulder I know, and you have no idea how happy it makes me that you want to talk to me about it, but I'm not a trained psychiatrist. Mulder, you know that you have to speak to a professional. It doesn't make you weak, and it doesn't mean that you're messed up. It just gives you someone to work out your problems with. You of all people should know that. What would you tell someone in your situation?" "I know. I just don't want to talk to a stranger about this. It's embarrassing. I mean, I know what they're going to ask. 'How does this make you feel.' I mean, come on, How the fuck do they think I feel?" "How do you feel, Mulder." Scully asked quietly. "I...I feel like this mother fucker took my heart and just stomped the ever-loving shit out of it! I feel like he took the only thing from me that I had any control over! I hate the fact that every time I have to take a piss I feel like I'm going to hear him laughing at me because I pissed all over myself when he raped me! I feel betrayed by my own body because I got aroused, and I know that it wasn't in my control, and I hate myself for that too. And most of all, I hate the fact that I feel so dirty, and so perverted that there's no way you'll ever want to be with me. You know what he said to me? He said that he was going to make me ashamed at myself, and that he was going to make me wish I were dead, and you know what? He did! I am so ashamed at myself and so angry that I do wish I was dead! At least then I wouldn't have to look at myself in the mirror! At what he did to me! Every time I see myself I'm repulsed and I just want to end it all! I'm just so tired of this crap." When Mulder was finished, he was in tears, and Scully was not far from the breaking point either. Mulder covered his face with his hands as his whole body began to quake with earth shattering sobs. Scully just took him in her arms and let him cry, trying to remain calm herself so that she could be his rock. When Mulder quieted, he gently pulled away, and looking at Scully said, "So what's that psychiatrists number?" *************************************************************************** Part 5 Scene 5 All disclaimers and notes in 1st part. **********************NC17****************** March 14, 1999 3:43am It was happening again. The hands were coming for him and he couldn't get away. He couldn't move. He could feel the cold breeze as it swept over him and made him shiver even more. Trapped, like a caged animal. Hands shackled, and legs tied, ass shooting into the air, ready to be tortured as before; and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Couldn't stop the beast that was coming for him again and again. He felt the over whelming humiliation as he was groped again and again. The hands were moving all over him. Touching, prodding, poking, and pinching. First one nipple and then the other. Then there came the tongue that always wanted to make him vomit. Then the white searing heat of his mouth on his penis, moving him in and out, first slowly and then faster and faster as he became hard. The knowledge that the beast was stroking himself as he was Mulder, mimicking the movements of his mouth with his hands. Making him come as he screamed in agony. Pleading. Always pleading for him to stop; to please leave him alone. But he never listened; always touching, feeling, and tasting. Crying. Shaking. Always so cold. Then the pain as he was entered from behind. The horrifying feeling of his Prostrate being massaged by the fingers. Always beginning with one, then another finger added as his anus got used to the feeling, and then finally three. Three fingers invading. Rubbing and massaging. Making him hard again. The humiliation. And ultimately, his penis. Wet and ready, entering him with a moan of pleasure from the beast, and a cry of pain that escaped his own tortured soul. Thrusting in and out, over and over again until his come came spewing out at him. Always the same. Never safe. Always trapped. Never safe. And then the familiar warmth would come and ease away his fears, enveloping him in safety once more. Calming his nerves. Forcing out the demons that invaded his sleep, and his waking hours. Putting his shattered soul back together again. His savior. *************************************************************************** 3:43am After Mulder had calmed down earlier, they had both decided that maybe it was time to go to sleep. Cary Grant would have to wait until another time. They were both exhausted from the events of the past day and they figured all would look brighter in the morning. She and Mulder both adjourned to their respective rooms, and Scully kept her door open, as did Mulder in case he needed her. But Scully was unable to find sleep. Four hours since they'd said goodnight, and she was still tossing and turning, trying to keep her own demons at bay. The demons that forced her to envision what Mulder must have gone through. She didn't want to know. She felt that she possible had enough fodder for years of nightmares. And then she heard his strangled cries. His pleas for his captor to leave him alone. To please not touch him there and the shattering screams that she thought might even make the angels cry. Always crying. She quietly but swiftly entered his room to the sight of him, once more in a fetal position, hands clasped around his knees and rocking back and forth. She could barely hear his quiet please escape his lips. "No...No... Please no. Please..." Her heart went out to him. How much more must he be forced to endure? She silently asked herself. But without hesitation, she climbed into bed with him once more and took him in her arms, muttering soothing words of comfort. Telling him he'd be ok and that he was safe, and he visibly relaxed into her. And she continued to rock him. ************************************************************************* Safe. He felt safe again. And then his dream shifted. The day was warm with a cool breeze, and he felt happier then he had since the days before Samantha had been taken. He felt the most unbelievable love in his heart. He was surrounded by white, and he noticed he was standing by the alter of a church. He looked around him and saw familiar faces. His mother and Mrs. Scully were sitting side by side, and they were beaming at him. Father McCue was standing at the head of the Alter, and A.D Skinner was standing beside him. And he was actually smiling. Then the doors at the end of the church opened and Mulder's heart soared. There was his Scully, dressed in a white flowing gown with shimmering sequence and pearls. The white of the veil set off her hair perfectly. She looked like an angel descended from the heavens just for the purpose of keeping him safe and loved. And he felt loved. For the first time in his life he felt truly loved. And she came to him, arm in arm with her brother Bill Jr. When they arrived at the altar, Bill released his Scully to him and shook his hand. And he smiled. "I love you," Mulder whispered. "I love you too." And the ceremony proceeded as they said their vows. Vows which they'd been living by for years with out really noticing. And they kissed. A kiss that made the angels sing, and they were one. *************************************************************************** Mulder woke up with the feeling of tender arms wrapped around his waste. He carefully turned so as not to wake his love. He bent to place a kiss on her forehead and as he pulled back, she murmured two words. "I do." ************************************************************************** End of Part 5 Continued in Part 6 *************************************************************************