Ties That Bind Part 6 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman



Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: May 3, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All
characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of
my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force
him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

***************************************************************************

March 18, 1999

5:27am

Every night for the past week He and Scully had gone to bed in their own
rooms, and every morning he woke up with her arms rapped tightly around
him. The nightmares kept coming, and he thought that if they didn't stop
soon, he might possibly go insane. (If he wasn't there already) He was so
tired, being that he hadn't received a good night sleep in almost three
weeks. He was used to nightmares, but they'd never been like this. He'd
gotten used to the dreams of Samantha's abduction years ago, and then he'd
had to get used to the ones of Scully being taken. Now he had these to deal
with. There wasn't much more of this that he could take. He was actually
looking forward to meeting with the psychiatrist today after his first
check-up at the hospital. That alone was scary enough. That he wanted to
talk about it. If only so that these damned nightmares would go away.

Scully shifted in his arms and let loose a soft sigh. Mulder smiled despite
the situation. He liked waking up with her in his arms. Or rather, with him
in her arms. It felt so natural. When she was with him, he could almost
make himself believe that the events of the past three weeks had never
happened. But they had, and he had to deal with it. He was just glad that
he didn't have to deal with it alone.

Scully had been back to work for three days now and he was going stir crazy
not having anything to do. If all went well at the doctors today, he could
possibly be back at work on Monday. At this rate, he'd even be happy to do
desk duty.

Mulder was startled by the sound of the alarm going off next to him. After
two nights of moving into Mulder's room, Scully had begun to set the alarm
in there so that she would wake up in time for work. Not like the first day
where she showed up an hour late for her first day back, because of him.
5:30; it was time for Scully to get up to go to work. He quickly shut it
off in order to give her a few more minutes of sleep. She deserved it,
having to put up with his nightly torments. She shouldn't have to go
through this too, he thought to himself. But what would I do without her?

He gently got up to go start the coffee. It had become like ritual that
every morning he would make breakfast so that she had that little bit of
extra time to get ready. He loved doing things for her. Even little
inconsequential things like making the coffee. It made him feel almost
normal.

Who was he kidding? He'd never been normal, and he never would be. He
didn't even know what normal was.

Soon the coffee was made, and Mulder cut up two bagels and smeared them
with cream cheese. (Regular, not light) Putting them on a tray he crept
back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed, placing the tray on the
floor for the time being.

He then bent down and placed a tender kiss on Scully's mouth. She slowly
deepened the kiss and carefully, so as not to touch his head brought her
arms up around his back. Mulder felt her smile against his mouth and he
pulled away so that he could look into her eyes. Her eyes were so blue and
deep that he thought that they were surely deeper then the deepest ocean.
They were so clear and beautiful, and as pure as her heart.

"Well, good morning handsome."

Mulder shivered. "Um...please don't call me that, Scully." He said in a
whisper.

"Oh...um, good morning my sweet, loveable, gorgeous, hunk of a G-man."

Mulder smiled. "Wow. Now that's better."

Mulder bent down to pick up the tray of breakfast.

"Mulder! You didn't have to do this." She sighed.

"Yea I did. I don't know of anyone who would be so understanding and loving
of someone who was going through what I'm going through, and there's just
no way to thank you. I love you so much Scully, and it's killing me that I
don't have a way to show it."

"Mulder, you show it every second of every day. When you look at me I know.
When you touch my hand I know. Every time you place your hand on the small
of my back I know. Mulder, I've always known how you feel about me, even if
I've never been able to tell you. There's no way I could ever let you go
through this on your own, because it doesn't just effect you. When you
hurt, I hurt Mulder, and that's because I love you and I never want you to
be in pain, whether that be physical or emotional. You're my other half.
You said a while ago that I make you a whole person. Don't you know that
without you, I wouldn't be me?

Mulder didn't know what to say. He and Scully were never one for showing
their feelings, and now that they were being so forthright in emotions, he
didn't know how to react. So instead he settled for pointing at the bagels
and saying, "Um, It's real cream cheese. Not light."

Scully broke into a broad smile and kissed him on the nose. "My hero." She
said.

**************************************************************************

Jay Edgar Hoover Building

X-Files Division

12:13pm

Scully was working on the latest batch of paper work when she was startled
by the ringing of the phone.

"Scully."

"Agent Scully, may I see you in my office please?" Spoke AD Skinner.

"Yes sir, right away." And she hung up the phone. She had no idea what the
AD wanted to speak to her about. He sounded anxious. Well, more so then
usual.

She arrived shortly In the outer office of the AD and his secretary
informed her that she was allowed to go right in.

"Sir, you wanted to see me?" Scully inquired.

"Yes, Agent Scully. Please, have a seat." AD Skinner said, as he took his
glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and
forefinger.

"Thank you sir." Scully replied as she sat, crossing her legs.

"What is your prognosis on Agent Mulder's current condition?"

"Sir?"

"When do you feel he will be up to coming back to work?"

"Well sir, I feel that he's making good progress. He's less introverted
then he was when he first left the hospital, and he's agreed to speak to a
psychiatrist. In fact, he has his first meeting with her today." I know
that he's bored having nothing to do and that he actually would like to
return to work as soon as possible."

"Do you think that he'd be able to work half days for a week starting
Monday, and then full time after that. Desk duty only, of course until he
is given the ok for field agent status by his doctors."

"I believe that he would be up to the task sir. Of course only Mulder can
tell you how he's feeling on the matter. Whether he feels he can handle it
or not. I feel that he can though."

"Would you tell him that I would like to meet with him on the issue on
Monday at 10am?"

"Yes sir, I would be happy to." She said with a small smile.

"Thank you agent, that will be all." Skinner said as he placed his glasses
back on his nose and waved her out of the office."

Scully rushed down to the basement to call Mulder. He was going to be so
happy. She knew that it was torture for him to be alone all day with
nothing to do. She thought for a moment before picking up the phone, and
then decided that she'd meet him at the hospital instead. She'd take him
out to lunch to celebrate. She couldn't wait to tell him the good news.

*************************************************************************

Georgetown Medical Center

Examination Room 2

12:59pm

Mulder was sitting on the examination table waiting for the doctor to
arrive. He was uselessly swinging his legs back and forth, and starring at
them. Left right, left right, and then left again. He just didn't want to
think about what was waiting for him. The exam, and the questions on how he
was feeling. Physically, he was fine, and he knew that he was going to be
fine. He wasn't worried about STD's, because the tests had all come back
negative when he was there a week ago. He was nervous about being touched.
By a man. And Scully wasn't there. He wished that Scully could have come.
It would have made him feel safer, even if he knew that his fears had no
grounds. He knew the doctor wouldn't hurt him, but he was still nervous.

The door opened, and looking up from the floor, Mulder saw Dr. Wiessman
walk in, clipboard in hand. He greeted Mulder, and Mulder grunted his
hello.

"How are we feeling today, Mr. Mulder?" The doctor asked.

"Fine. I'm fine. My ribs don't hurt anymore, and everything else is good
to." Mulder replied quietly.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. I'd like to run through the normal physical
exam. See that everything is healing properly, as I'm sure it is, and then
I'll give my recommendations for your returning to work. How does that
sound?"

"Fine I suppose."

"Good, then we'll get started."

The doctor was about to put the clipboard down when there was a nock at the
door. The door opened and Sully peeked her head in. Excuse me doctor, is it
alright if I come in?"

"Scully." Mulder breathed a sigh of relief.

The doctor took a look at Mulder and noticing his relief nodded his head in
ascent at Scully entering the examination room.

"Thank you," she said as she made her way over to Mulder. "Got some good
news for you." She whispered in his ear."

"What?"

"Tell you after." She said beaming.

Mulder couldn't believe it. She was there. Once again, the God he'd thought
he didn't believe in answered his prayers. Suddenly the doctors visit
didn't seem that bad, and he actually smiled. Just 20 minutes later, the
exam was done as if it had never even started. Everything was fine, as
Mulder had professed, and the Doctor gave the ok for him to return to work
when he wanted. But not Field status. He could only work behind the desk
until the psychiatrist gave him the thumbs up. But that didn’t matter. He
could actually get out of the house. He couldn't be happier.

"So Scully, what did you have to tell me?"

"Well, I'm sorta bummed now, she teased. The doctor got to tell you first."
She said in mock sadness.

"Tell me what?"

"Well, Skinner called me into his office today. He said that if you were up
to it, you could come back to work on Monday."

Mulder was glowing.

"He would like to meet with you at 10am on Monday. See how you're doing."

Mulder's face fell. He hadn't thought about it. Of course he'd have to
speak with Skinner. He didn't know how he'd be able to sit there and talk
to him knowing that he knew what had happened. That he'd seen him in that
condition. He was embarrassed enough as it was with Scully having seen him
like that, and now he'd have to deal with his boss.

"Mulder, what's wrong?" Scully asked noticing his change in mood.

"Nothing really...it's just...Skinner. I really don't want to have to face him.
I mean, what must he be thinking? He already had it in for me, now this.
What if he doesn't think I can handle the job anymore?"

"Mulder, come on...he seemed really eager...in his own way...to have you coming
back. Besides, he asked for you to come back, didn't he?"

"I guess..."

"Come on G-man. Cheer up. I'm gonna take you to lunch. What time is your
meeting with the psychiatrist?"

"3:30."

"Good. We have plenty of time. Do you want me to come with you to the
meeting?"

"Um, I would actually rather talk to her privately. It's just that...I don't
want you to know yet. What happened that is...I just don't want you to have
to worry anymore then you already are. Is that alright?"

"Whatever you want Mulder. I'm here for you. You know that right?"

"I know. Thanks Scully."

And so they went to eat lunch, with Scully being equally sad as she was
relieved. She didn't know yet if she was ready to hear what exactly Mulder
had been through. Her mind was already going into overdrive thinking about
it. But she was also a little taken aback that Mulder didn't want to talk
to her about it. She told herself that he would in due time, and they both
continued on.

**************************************************************************

Gracie Adams Psychiatric Center

Georgetown

3:25pm

Mulder was sitting in the waiting room waiting to be told that the
psychiatrist was ready for him. He'd been so ready to talk earlier in the
day, but now he could feel himself closing off and he couldn't get rid of
the urge to just get up and walk out. He knew that he had to talk to
someone about it, but his insides were slowly starting to churn at the
thought of having to go through what had happened all over again and with a
stranger yet. He was trying to remember why he'd insisted upon coming
alone, when the door opened up and he was ushered into the inner room.

Gracie moved away from the door and urged him to sit on the sofa chair.
Even though he himself was a psychiatrist, he couldn't get over the idea
that there should be a black leather couch upon which he was supposed to
lay down. He sat down, just as Gracie told him that should he feel the need
at any point in the session, the chair rocks back and a foot rest comes
out, so that he can get more comfortable. He said thank you, but that it
wouldn't be necessary. She just nodded her head.

"So, how are we feeling today, Agent Mulder?" Dr. Adams asked, pulling out
her notebook and writing the date at the top of the page, along with the
name of the patient.

Mulder didn't answer at first. He was sitting shoulders slumped in a
defeated manner, staring at the floor with his arms resting on his thighs,
hands clasped.

"Agent Mulder?"

"Fine. I'm fine." He said in a hushed tone. He was beginning to feel like
maybe he had switched roles with Scully. Fine had seemed to become his
favorite word as of late, but it was just a word. Something to say so that
people would leave him alone.

"Somehow I find that hard to believe. Agent Mulder, I'm here to listen, not
to dictate. You're going to have to talk to get through this. No one can
help you get better unless you want to get better, and if you don't talk
that's not going to happen very quickly. If fact, it'll probably get worse.
When Agent Scully called to set up the appointment, she mentioned
nightmares you've been having. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

"'Cause."

"Agent Mulder, would you like to elaborate on that?"

He just continued to stare at his shoes.

"Agent Mulder, maybe you should come back when you're ready to talk." Dr.
Adams sighed. She wasn't really inviting him to leave. It was just a
tactic, to get him to open up. Maybe if he got angry with her, he'd start
talking without realizing it.

"Excuse me?" He said in disbelief.

"Well, you don't seem very willing to get through this. I felt that maybe
you don't want to get better, and so maybe you'd better go."

"What the hell do you know about what I'm going through? He seethed, slowly
getting agitated. I happen to have a photographic memory, which is more
often then not a curse, then an advantage! I can't close my eyes without
seeing what that bastard did to me. Hell, I can't even have my eyes open,
and get rid of his face. The feel of him touching me in places that he
shouldn't have. The feeling of my body betraying me and not being able to
do anything about it but cry. Not being able to fight because I was chained
down like a fucking animal. How the hell do you presume to sit there and
tell me that I should go because I'm not willing to talk? What the fucking
hell gives you the right to judge me?"

"I'm not trying to judge you Agent Mulder. I'm just trying to get you to
trust me. To open up so that you can begin to heal. To start to forgive
yourself for not being able to do anything. To take ownership of what
happened to you so that you can accept it and move on."

"But how do I forget what happened?"

"You don't. You learn to live with it, and it does get easier. I promise it
will."

"I'm not so sure." He said quietly. "The bastard is fucking dead, and I
still can't get a decent nights sleep. He's dead, and he still haunts me.
I'm scared of everyone and everything. How the hell am I supposed to go
back to work and do the job that I once did? I can't live my life in fear
of the suspects that I have to apprehend, but I can't sit behind a desk for
the rest of my life. I need my life back." He finished desperately, finally
looking up at Dr. Adams with pleading eyes. "How do I get my life back?"

"You've made the first steps today. I know it sounds cliché, she said, but
admitting your fears, talking about what happened, that's what is going to
help you heal. And you can't just talk to me about it. You have to admit it
to yourself, and you have to talk to the people in your life who are
willing to listen and to be there for you."

"But what if them knowing will hurt them?"

"It may hurt, but it'll help them cope with what you're going through.
It'll help them help you to find a way back to yourself, and to those who
love you."

Mulder just nodded his head.

"Well, I think that that'll be all for today. Shall we meet again, this
time next week?"

"Yeah, I guess," Mulder said, in tired agreement. He felt like he'd been
through the wringer today, and he just wanted to go back to Scully's place
and sleep.

As he stood, he went to shake Dr. Adams hand. She took it warmly, and as he
left, he decided that maybe talking to her would help after all. As he
left, he was suddenly glad that he'd asked Scully if she'd pick him up. He
was all of a sudden too tired to drive.

****************************NC17***************************

Mulder had finished emptying his stomach and was now sitting on the cold
tile floor, back up against her claw foot tub and legs wide apart just
staring hat his hands. Tears poured down his face as he tore himself apart
on the inside. He never in his wildest dreams would have thought that he
would be a personal threat to Scully. Sure, he'd blamed himself thousands
of times for her abduction, her cancer, her sister's death, etc., but he'd
never considered that he could raise his own hand against her and that
terrified him. That he could loose control so completely and put her in
harms way was unthinkable. He probably couldn't have killed her with that
letter opener, but he could have definitely done some serious damage. He
slowly pulled his knees up to his chest and covering his face in his hands
cried probably harder then he ever had before. He didn't think that he even
cried this hard that night not so long ago in Scully's hospital room as she
lay dying of cancer. He couldn't let himself be her downfall. He wouldn't.

***************************************************************************

Scully sat for a while in the same spot where Mulder had left her, tears
streaking down her face. She just didn't know what to do. She could handle
just about anything she thought, except to see Mulder go through such pain.
She knew that he was currently beating himself up about what had just
transpired, but she didn't blame him. She blamed his captor, and she
couldn't even take out her anger on him. He was dead, and just as always,
there was no justice. There had been none when her sister was killed, and
there was none now that Mulder was slowly dying inside.

Scully slowly rose off of the floor and went to the bathroom where she
found Mulder crying into his hands. Sitting down next to him, back up
against her tub, she pulled him into her lap and felt his body shake as it
was wracked with even greater sobs, and she knew at that moment that his
heart was breaking.

"Shhhhh." She whispered. "It's ok...Mulder this wasn't your fault. I don't
blame you Mulder."

"How..." He trailed off.

"What?"

He slowly sat up, and looking into her eyes asked, "how can you not,
Scully? I do!"

"Mulder, I know you do, but it wasn't your fault. You were dreaming. You
thought that I was him. I know that you would never intentionally hurt me.
The fact that you are in here so visibly upset is evidence of that, but I
don't need this as evidence because I know you, and I know your heart. You
are one of the kindest and most loving people I know, Mulder. You have such
love in your heart that I know that that was not you out there, and to you,
that was not me.

Mulder just sat there in silence for a few moments, thinking to himself.

"Scully?"

He had said it so softly that she almost didn’t hear him.

"Yeah Mulder?"

"I need to...I um, I need to tell you what happened. I can't hold this in any
longer, because if I do, this is going to happen again, and I can't let it.
I won't have you in danger because of me. Either this stops now, or I go
back to my own place and let whatever happens happen, but if I keep this
all inside for much longer, I'm going to go crazy and I'll end up taking
you down with me."

Scully took a hold of Mulder's hand and waited with trepidation at what she
was about to hear. She knew that it would be bad, but she had no way to
prepare for what she was about to hear. Mulder looked at her and she nodded
in ascent for him to begin.

"You already know how I was taken. I was drunk, he came up behind me and
when he'd gotten my gun, he conked be over the head with it. Not the only
time that was done, by the way, which is most likely how I received the
concussion; but anyway...When I woke up, I was in that place where you found
me. I was alone, but when I started to feel around the place looking for a
way out, he suddenly appeared out of no where, and before I knew it I was
out cold again. It was still dark when I woke up again, and I was hog-tied.
He was really weird, Scully." He said looking at her. "I mean, he was one
of the most sadistic bastards I ever had the displeasure of meeting, but he
got extremely angry whenever I was rude to him. If I cursed at him, or
refused to answer him, he'd kick me, or pull my hair."

Mulder paused for a moment to collect his thoughts, along with his courage
and continued.

"He left after that and didn't come back until morning. When it got light
out, I noticed that there were...there were shackles attached to one of the
walls. When he returned, he untied me and started to drag me by my hair
over to them, and when he let go I tried to attack him but he sidestepped
me and I ended up head butting the wall." Mulder let out a self-deprecating
snort of laughter. "Typical Mulder, huh? He just tied me up again by
chaining my wrists to the wall. He um...he then began to...he...he started to cut
off my clothing, and he was, he was touching me all...all over. He was
rubbing me and stroking my, my...genitals and..."

Scully couldn't stop the tears as they began to fall in time with Mulder's
own tears.

"Mulder," Scully said. "You don't have to go on."

"It's ok Scully," Mulder said. "I'm ok, but yes, I do. He just kept
stroking me...everywhere. He then...then he started to um, he started to give
me a blow job. I...I was so humiliated, Scully. I didn't, I didn't want
to." He cried, "but he made me. I couldn't stop him and he just made me and
I...I, oh God, I came."

Mulder started to cry again as he hugged his knees to his chest. "I didn't
want to." He just kept mumbling.

"Mulder, I know." Scully said as she put her arm around him. "Mulder it's
ok. It'll be ok."

"I don't know for how long, but I had passed out and when I woke up I had
peed and vomited all over myself." Mulder said in an embarrassed whisper.
"I was also in a different position. He...he had unchained me and then
positioned me so that I was on all fours. My, my legs were tied to my arms,
and my...my arms were re-chained to the wall. He, he started, he started
rubbing me again like before, and he did everything that he did before.
Everything."

Mulder paused, remembering. He looked up at Scully, and she gave him the ok
to continue. In a quieter voice, almost non-existent, he went on. "He then
entered me from, from behind with his fingers. First one, and then...then two
and finally three. He, he was stroking my...he was, he...he was touching my, my
prostrate, and I, I was getting hard again, and I just kept telling myself
to stop and I couldn't. I couldn't stop him...And then, then he withdrew and
I thought it was over, but then he just entered me again with his, his...his
penis. I think that I had been screaming...up until this point, but then I
just stopped. I think I realized that there was no turning back now. No
stopping it. I just stopped, and suddenly, it was like it wasn't happening
to me anymore. I mean, I know that it was. It was like I was watching
myself from above, and I could see what was happening and I could see that
it was happening to me, but I couldn't feel it. After he withdrew, he
unchained me and left. But he came back again. He'd always come back and do
it again. Always the same. He always did it the same. If I was out of it,
he'd rouse me by kicking me or punching me. He always wanted me coherent.
If I was screaming or crying, it made him more aroused."

Scully was cold inside. She had hated this man before, but now she wished
that he were alive so that she could kill him herself. She wanted to be the
officer that had put the bullet in his back. She wanted revenge. Scully
couldn't remember ever being as angry as she was right now. She was
seething.

Mulder lay his head in her lap once more and quietly began to weep.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?" He said weakly.

"How...how many times did he...did he do this to you?" She asked in horror. She
wasn't sure why she needed to know. She just did.

"...Um, I'm not really sure. I know that it was about 3 times a day." He said
quietly. "I remember...I think that I saw the sun 3 times, but on the third
time I got away. Six? I think it was six times." Mulder finished in a voice
as small as a child.

"Oh my God," Scully sighed. "Oh Mulder...I'm so sorry...I'm so, so sorry." She
cried, rocking him back and forth. Soon, Mulder's breathing grew deep and
even. He was asleep.

*******************************************************************************

End of Part 6

To be continued in Part 7

******************************************************************************



Ties That Bind Part 7 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman



Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: May 11, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All
characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of
my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force
him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

*****************************************************************************

Annapolis, Maryland

Dana Scully's Apartment

March 19, 1999

5:30 am

Scully woke up to the shrill sound of the alarm clock in Mulder's room. She
shook herself out of the confusion that came with realizing that you were
in a strange place. She and Mulder were still on the bathroom floor where
they'd fallen asleep just hours earlier. Mulder felt like a dead weight on
her and she gently shook him so as not to startle him out of the few
peaceful hours of sleep he'd had in weeks. He woke up with a look of
confusion that mirrored hers from just a few moments earlier, and upon
realizing that he'd fallen asleep literally "on" her, he gave her a
sheepish grin and gently rose to stretch his limbs. When Scully got the
feeling back in hers, she did the same. It was strangely reminiscent of
their time in the woods of Florida when Mulder had yet again fallen asleep
on her after being injured by a Ponce De Leon wanna be. Scully smiled at
the memory.

"What are you smiling at?" Mulder asked in confusion.

"Oh, just remembering a certain forest and talk of sleeping bags." She
said, with wry humor.

"Offer still stands Scully." Mulder said with a smile.

"Oh does it? Well I just happen to have a sleeping bag this time Mulder."
Scully replied with a hint of a challenge in her voice.

"Is that right?" Mulder asked stepping closer to Scully, invading her
personal space that was becoming less personal of late.

"That's right," Scully replied in a whisper.

"I think right now I'd settle for a kiss." Mulder replied in a similar
tone.

"Pucker up G-man." She replied, and for the first time in forever it
seemed, they kissed. Scully started to move her hands up to the nape of
Mulder's neck, when she felt him stiffen, but then like a chill, he seemed
to shake it off and he deepened the kiss, while Scully moved her hands up
to ruffle his hair. She smiled into the kiss for this simple luxury that
she'd been denied thus far, and nearly cried for the hundredth time, but
she held them back and they finally broke apart.

They looked at each other for a split second before breaking into enormous
grins simultaneously. Suddenly, they both became aware that the alarm was
still beeping ear-shatteringly, and they started to laugh.

"I guess talking does help, huh Scully?" Mulder asked, voice dripping with
awe.

"I prefer the kind of communication that doesn’t require words, Mulder."
Scully said with an arch of her eyebrows.

Mulder smiled, and for the first time in he didn't know how long, he felt
truly happy.

*************************************************************************

Jay Edgar Hoover Building

X-Files Division

March 22, 1999

8:20am

Mulder felt wonderful, when he walked into the office early Monday morning.
He couldn't remember a time when he felt this happy to go to work. Even if
it did mean that he had to face Skinner, the knowledge that he wouldn't be
consigned to Scully's apartment all day by himself was enough to put a
bounce in his step. And Mulder didn't bounce.

Mulder and Scully had spent a lazy weekend together. She had called in sick
on Friday, so it was a long lazy weekend. They went to the movies, rented
movies, and played scrabble, (of which Scully, as always won). Mulder could
just never pass off on her his words symbolizing alien technology. Of
course, when Scully put down a medical term that Mulder didn't know, she
just whipped out her medical dictionary and shoved it down his throat. Why
wasn't there a dictionary on alien technology, he wondered? But it was a
wonderful weekend none the less.

Mulder now sat rocking back in his chair behind his desk, Feet up on top of
said desk, and fiddling with a pencil. He briefly looked up at the ceiling
wondering how many of them he could get up there before Scully walked in.

Too late. He looked at the door to find her standing there, arms crossed,
and with a gleam in her eye that said, "not again."

"Mulder, you've been back here for all of five minutes and already your
throwing pencils at the ceiling." It wasn't a question. It was a matter of
fact statement. She knew him way too well.

"So, what's on the agenda for today, very Special Agent Dana Scully?" He
asked completely avoiding her comment. (typical, she thought)

"Well, I've got expense reports to finish for the last case we worked on.
Why don't you start looking at the stacks upon stacks of case files piled
on your desk so that when you are allowed back on the field, we have
something to investigate, Mr. let's see how many pencils can fall on my
head within five minutes?"

Mulder all of a sudden turned serious. He had been brought back to thinking
of his meeting with Skinner.

"Scully, what if I'm never allowed back in the field? What will I do?"

"Mulder, first of all there's no reason why you wouldn't be, second of all,
there's plenty that you could do, in that eventuality, Like being a
profiler for one, or opening your own practice...I know it's not your cup of
tea, but there's nothing saying you can't investigate the paranormal from
behind your desk."

"Scully, you know I can't work behind a desk. I was here for five minutes
and I was already contemplating the relationship between sharp pencils and
a ceiling. You know it's boring for me. I'd suffocate down here."

"I know, Mulder," Scully said with a sigh. "There's nothing to worry about
anyway. You'll be allowed back in the field. I mean, look at how much
better you are after just one session with Dr. Adams, and talking with me
about what happened. You'll be fine in no time."

"I hope you're right Scully." Mulder said sadly.

They both started in on their work and before Mulder knew it, it was time
to meet with Skinner.

*************************************************************************

Mulder made slow pacing movements across the interior of the elevator as it
made its way up from the basement. He was trying to think up a way to sit
in front of the Assistant Director without destroying his chances at
returning to field agent status. He knew that it was obvious that he was
nervous. If there were others in the elevator they’d probably be worried
that he’d wear a hole through the floor.

The elevator doors opened and Mulder stopped with a start. He looked down
the corridor for a moment before continuing on, head bowed and hands in
pockets. As he got closer to the AD’s office, he could feel the tension
building in him. He feared that if anyone so much as whispered his name,
he’d probably jump sky high.

Mulder slowly entered Skinner’s outer office and nodded his hello to the
secretary.

"Go right in Agent Mulder. He’s waiting for you." She said.

"Thank you Kim." Mulder whispered, and turning the knob, he walked into the
office.

****************************************************************************

AD Skinner was standing behind his desk looking out the widow. It was
almost 10 o’clock. Almost time for his meeting with Agent Mulder, and he
was just about as nervous as he expected his agent to be.

Agent Mulder had been through quite a horrible experience. One he didn’t
wish on his worst enemy, and he had absolutely no clue as to how to handle
him. How to talk to him and to assure him that he thought no less of him as
an agent, not as a man. He also knew that Mulder wouldn’t feel comfortable
in front of him due to the fact that he was a man, in a position of power
and dominance. He needed to make sure that his agent felt safe and not
threatened in anyway, which Is why he wouldn’t take his normal seat behind
his desk.

Skinner looked up suddenly as Mulder opened the door and head bowed, walked
into the room. It was a shame that it took such n event to make him on time
for a meeting with his boss.

Mulder had closed the door and was now just standing by it, hands in
pockets, and eyes averted.

"Sir, you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Agent Mulder, thank you for coming. You may have a seat if you wish."
Skinner said uncertainly. He didn’t want it to seem as if he were giving
orders. He wanted Mulder to feel as if he had some control. Something which
he hadn’t when he’ been held against his will.

"Thank you, Sir." Mulder said as he took his familiar seat in front of the
AD’s desk. Skinner quietly moved around the desk and perched on the edge of
it in front of Mulder. Mulder flinched as Skinner got closer, but he
managed to calm himself down and when he finally looked up at his boss, he
was relieved to see the compassion that lie behind his eyes. The kindness
that the AD didn’t usually let peek through. Mulder relaxed just slightly
as he realized that maybe Skinner wasn’t a threat.

"Agent Mulder," the AD began, "The reason I called you in here today is to
find out how you’re doing. I know that you’ve been through quite...and
ordeal, and I wanted you to know that whatever you need, time wise or
whatever, you have it. Whatever you need to get back on your feet is yours.
If you feel you need more time off...-"

"Thank you sir, but I think I’ve had all the time off that I can stomach."
Mulder replied desperately. "What I really need is to get my field agent
status back; however desk duty right now is far better then sitting at home
all day doing nothing."

"Good, well as far as your field agent status goes, I’m afraid it’ll be a
while." Skinner replied, settling into his gruff AD voice. "Your
psychiatrist will be sending me weekly progress reports. While everything
that is said will remain confidential between you two, she will keep me
apprised of your well being. In about a month, I’d say I’ll make a decision
on when you may return to the field."

"Sir, so you mean to say that I will be able to reclaim my status as field
agent?" Mulder asked in quiet hope.

"From what I can tell so far, there should be no problem with that. Of
course for a month after you return to active duty, will be asking Agent
Scully for her opinion on your well being.

"Yes sir. Thank you sir." Mulder said in awe. He couldn’t believe he was
being so lucky. He fully expected Skinner to tell him that he’d have to sit
behind a desk for far longer.

"You’re welcome, Agent Mulder. You may return to work now." Skinner said
settling back into his "I’m the boss" tone.

"Yes sir." Mulder said as he rose to leave. Mulder left the AD’s office
with the beginnings of a smile

spreading across his face.

***********************************************************************

Mulder and Scully's office

10:30am

Scully sat nervously in Mulder's chair, drumming her fingers on the desk.
She didn't know what would come of the meeting. She did know however that
Skinner was aware of Mulder's condition and she could only hope that he
would be more understanding of his needs. She was just wondering why she
didn't offer to go with him when he walked through the door...with a smile on
his face.

Scully looked up in surprise, and noting the smile on his face broke into a
smile herself.

"Hey! So what happened?" Scully asked getting up and perching on the corner
of his desk so Mulder could take his own seat. Mulder sat down and leaning
back put his legs up on the desk and crossing his arms, just beamed a smile
at her.

"What?! " She cried. When Mulder didn't answer, she went to swat him on his
arm. "Mulder!"

"Oh, it was pretty uneventful. Actually, Skinner was great. He acted more
like a concerned friend then a boss." Mulder said in astonishment. "He said
that I'd probably be consigned to desk work for a month or until the
psychiatrist gives him the ok. He's going to be receiving weekly reports
from her. Then for a month after I return to active duty, he'll want
reports from you to see how I'm doing, but Scully, at least I'll be on
active duty!" He said grinning like a fool.

"Mulder that's wonderful." Scully said with a sigh of relief.

"How 'bout a celebratory smooch?" He said resembling something along the
lines of a Cheshire cat.

"Mulder, were at work. What if someone has the office bugged?" She
whispered.

"They already call us Mr. and Mrs. Spooky." He said as he got up and
trapped her with his arms on either side of her body, leaning into her with
his nose practically touching hers.

"Mulder..." Scully warned.

Mulder captured her lips with her own and she deepened the kiss, leaning
into him. When they broke, Scully was the one with the smile. "I think we
should celebrate Mulder, she said beaming. How does tonight sound?"

"Ooh Scully, you're speaking my language now." Mulder grinned.

Scully thought that if they didn't stop smiling, they might actually get
stuck that way. She thought of the lies that her brothers would tell her
while growing up of how if you made a face and someone smacked you on the
back, you'd get stuck like that. But she just couldn't wipe the smile of
her face.
************************************************************************

Scully's apartment

6:30pm

Mulder was resting in the bedroom while Scully was preparing dinner. He had
asked if he could help, but she'd declined, saying that even though he'd
only worked a half-day, that he should rest after not having worked for so
long. Truth be told, he was exhausted and he'd already nodded off once
since he'd been back at her apartment. It felt more like their apartment
now, and he couldn't help but feel like it was the most natural thing in
the world. He didn't relish having to go back to his own apartment. He
hoped that Scully wouldn't ask him to.

As he lay there, he thought of the turn that their relationship had taken
in the past weeks. He had always been attracted to her, even since the
beginning. True, at first it was physical, but the more time he spent with
her, the more he began to love her mind and eventually her. He couldn't
pinpoint the exact moment in which he fell, but he had fallen...and hard.
There was a time when he didn't want to work with anyone. He couldn't work
with anyone. Now he couldn't imagine working without her. Or spending five
minutes without her for that matter. Having her around had always been a
comfort to him. Now he needed her, as if she was truly his other half.

Mulder thought back to that case when he remembered his past life and how
Melissa Riedel was his soul mate. He didn't believe it now. He couldn't,
because at this moment, he couldn't imagine ever being with anyone other
then Scully.

***************************************************************************

Scully was in the kitchen making dinner. (Cornish Hens with squash and baby
carrots) By the way that Mulder had consumed the chicken the night they had
celebrated his homecoming, she knew that he'd like the hens. She didn't
know how he felt about vegetables, but she'd sautéed them in a light olive
oil and seasoned them with garlic salt and cinnamon, so she felt that he'd
probably like them. She hoped, at any rate. She was smiling and humming
softly to herself. She liked this domestic side of her. She didn't get to
let her out too often and she hoped that she would be able to keep her
around a while longer. She didn't want Mulder to go back to his own
apartment. She wanted him to stay with her. Not only because he was
vulnerable right now and because he was still having night terrors, but
because she liked having him around. It made life less lonely, and she
missed him when he wasn't around. She never knew how much she missed him
until he wasn't there. She supposed that she'd always been attracted to
him, but she supposed that she really fell in love with him when he gave up
who he thought was his sister for her safety, when the shape shifter had
taken her. She had managed to shove those thoughts deep down inside of her
until just earlier this past year when he'd literally traveled across the
world to save her from...she still didn't know what. (Maybe she just didn't
want to admit what had happened to her.) Risking his own life, after
receiving a bullet wound to the head, he'd traveled all the way to
Antarctica to find her. She figured that that's when she first realized
that he loved her too, although maybe he hadn't yet known it himself.

She smiled at the knowledge that they loved each other, and she wouldn't
ever let anyone take him from her again.



*************************************************************************

6:45pm

Mulder was just beginning to doze off again to happy thoughts of him and
Scully when he felt the bed sag and Scully's small hand on his chest.
Mulder opened his eyes to see her smiling down on him.

"Hey." He said, smiling.

"Hey." She replied, with love in her eyes. "If you want to sleep, dinner
can wait." She whispered.

"Nope!" He said rising. I'm ready to start that celebrating G-woman!"

Scully laughed. Her laugher was pure music to his ears. He hugged her
around her waist as he had once before and briefly closed his eyes.

"I love you Scully." Mulder murmured.

Scully rubbed his hair and kissed his head without thinking, but he just
held her tighter.

"Oh Mulder." She sighed. "I love you too."

Mulder pulled away reluctantly and as his stomach started to
growl, he said "Um, Scully...I think we better go eat before my
insides devour me."

"Now that would be an X-File, wouldn't it?" Scully said with a pensive look
on her face and a tilt of her head.

"Come on G-woman!" Mulder said grabbing her hand. "Let's see how fast I can
turn into a Hoover again!"

"Mulder, I swear if you get food all over the floor and walls again...!"

But Mulder didn't hear her...he was already through the door. Scully just
sighed and shaking her head followed him out.

Scully found Mulder in the kitchen sniffing in all the pots and peeking
into the oven. She stood just in the doorway and hands on her hips glared
at him.

"Mulder! No peeking or no dinner!"

"But Scully...!" He wined. "It smells soooo good."

"Well then, if you expect to eat it, you'd better set the table and stop
snooping!"

Mulder started to walk past her, head bowed and lower lip jutting out. As
he past, Scully swung her arm and swatted him on his behind. Mulder whirled
around and starred at her stunned. He quickly recovered however, and
grinning his sly grin, he said what Scully knew was coming.

"Don't start something you don't intend to finish, Scully."

"Oh, I intend to finish, Mulde...What do you think you can get chocolate
cake every night for dessert?!?"

Mulder stood there, mouth agape.

"Mulder, unless you're attempting to catch flies for dinner..." she trailed
off as she turned to minister to her food.

As she turned around though, Mulder pinched her on her behind. It was her
turn to whirl around now, but he was already gone. She heard the bathroom
door slam, and she smiled to herself. Then she noticed that the table still
wasn't set.

"Mulder!" She screamed. "Get back here and set the table!"

When he didn't respond, she looked heaven wards and shook her head. Then
she turned to get the silver ware to set the table.

*************************************************************************

Dinner was now finished, and Scully was tending to the dishes. Mulder had
eaten much in the same manner as he had for their first celebratory dinner
and as she'd hoped, he'd loved the vegetables as well. He was now seated in
front of the TV looking for what she assumed was something along the lines
of sci-fi. She couldn't help but wonder at the way things were going for
them. Things just seemed to be going to well for them, and that just didn't
happen. Something was going to happen, and she hoped that when it did, it
wouldn't be as bad as she feared.

Scully loaded the last dish into the dishwasher and putting soap in the
dispenser, turned it on. She then joined Mulder on the couch and at the
invite, she snuggled into the crook of his arm. Mulder looked down at her
with a mixture of desire and tenderness in his eyes. Kissing her, he said
"I'm ready for my dessert now."

Scully pulled back and looked at him, not bothering to mask the concern on
her face. "Are you sure?" She asked. "Don't you think that it may be too
soon?"

"I don't think so Scully. I think I'm ready. God, I've been ready for 5 and
1/2 years now." Mulder then got a strange smile on his face as he said
"besides, Scully...I think Spooky has a mind of his own."

"Spooky?!?" Scully said, almost afraid to know the answer.

Mulder just nodded, and with his eyes gestured south.

Scully looked down, and sure enough, it seemed as though Spooky was ready
and raring to go. Scully looked up to be met with a smile and a shrug. "I
guess I kinda got attached to the name."

"Well then, Mr. G-man...let's not keep Spooky waiting any longer."

"Yes ma'am..." Mulder replied as she took his hand and led him to the
bedroom.

************************************NC17*****************************

NO KIDDIES BEYOND THIS POINT! THIS MEANS YOU!

**********************************************************************

When they had gotten into the bedroom, Scully had sat Mulder down on the
bed and taking something from her bureau, went into the bathroom. Now
Mulder thought that Scully was beautiful no matter what condition she was
in. Whether she was covered in dirt after a case, or all dressed up for
work, he thought she was more beautiful then any of the women in his video
collection...extensive as it was, but when Scully emerged from the bathroom
just ten minutes later, she took his breath away. She had scrubbed off what
remained of her make-up from earlier that day and had taken her hair down
from the loose ponytail she'd sported. It had been unseasonably warm in DC
that day so her hair had a slight wave to it and it flowed like a halo
around her head. She had undressed and had slipped on a pure white negligée
that hung down almost to the floor. Hugging her in all the right places, it
managed to compliment her pale skin tone instead of making her appear
washed out. She was the very definition of beauty, and all he could do was
stare.

Mulder slowly stood and walked over to her. She just stood there like an
angel calling to him. Beckoning him home, into her waiting arms. He looked
into her eyes, which were now gazing up at him. They were the purest shade
of blue that he'd ever seen. As pure as her heart, and so filled with love.
Love for him, and he couldn't thank whoever it was that had brought her
into his life enough for blessing him with this wonderful gift: His angel,
and his savior. He gently cupped her face in his hands and remembered a
time not so long ago when they had almost shared that first kiss. That
night when she was once again taken from him, and this time, right out from
under his nose. He closed his mind off to the flood of images that exploded
into his head of her lying on his hallway floor, confused and scared about
what was happening, and closing his eyes as well, he bent down to place a
gentle kiss on her rose petal lips. He felt her arms snake around his waist
and her hands roam up his back as she deepened the kiss. At this moment he
knew that if there was a God, he had surely made them for each other, and
he thanked him with all his heart.

The kiss ended as gently as it had begun, and when Mulder opened his eyes,
he saw that Scully was staring at him, one lonely tear trailing down her
face. Softly, and with concern, he asked "Scully, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." And she smiled.

Mulder smiled in kind and with his thumb gently wiped the tear away. Taking
her hand, he then proceeded to lead her over to the bed.

"Mulder," she said softly. "You are seriously over dressed for the
occasion."

Mulder chuckled quietly. "What are we going to do about it Scully?"

"Oh I think I can remedy the situation." Scully started to unbutton his
shirt with deft fingers, all the while not removing her eyes from his. She
wanted to remember this moment for all eternity. This moment when their
love and their lives would be sealed forever. She couldn't believe the love
that she had for this man. She had no doubt in her mind that she loved him.
It was that she could love this much and this fiercely, and know that that
love was reciprocated. It had the affect of humbling her.

As she moved to unbutton his slacks, Mulder bent down once more and placed
a feather light kiss on her forehead, and then another one on each of her
eyes. As he did this, her task was momentarily forgotten and a sigh escaped
her ready lips. Scully leaned in as Mulder again kissed her on the mouth
and she opened her lips so that he may gain entrance. As they continued to
kiss, Mulder slipped first one and then the other of the thin straps of the
delicate negligée off her shoulders and it pooled at her feet. Scully
managed to finally unbutton Mulder's pants and she helped him slide them
off of his legs along with his boxers.

Mulder lifted her off the floor and into his arms as Scully cried out in
surprise. Laughing, he placed her on the bed. Scully wasn't used to giving
up so much control to someone else, but she had no worries as she looked up
at Mulder who was looking down at her. She had to be tough at work to
survive in the boys club but with Mulder at last she could be herself.
There had always been this part of her that need to be cared for and to be
taken care of. Not completely, but in the matters of the heart, and she
knew that Mulder would not criticize her for it. He would not think her
weak for needing to be held and loved. She knew that he needed to care for
her, as he needed to be cared for, just as she did.

"God, Scully." Mulder began. "You're so beautiful."

Scully sat up and reached her arms out to him. He joined her on the bed and
lying next to her, perched on one arm he ran his fingers through her hair
and down the side of her face marveling at this beauty that was before him.
Again she beckoned him and slowly, positioning himself so that he was
leaning over her, legs on either side of hers, he began his worship of her.
He lay gentle kisses on practically every part of her body, starting at her
navel and ending at her lips. He then cupped her breasts in his hands,
wondering at the fact that they fit perfectly in the palms of his hands, as
if they were made for each other. It seemed everything about them was in
sync. Two different pieces that when put together made a complete whole.
They were so different, but they only managed to compliment one another in
their differences.

Mulder began to stroke her breasts and as her nipples swelled and turned a
darker shade of red, he ran his fingers over them and under the swell of
her breasts and placed sweet kisses down the middle of her abdomen, moving
lower and then lower still. Reluctantly, he released her breasts and
brought his hands down to where the red fluff that covered her most
intimate recesses began. He massaged the area where her thighs met her
outer lips and smiled as Scully sighed and arched her back, bringing his
destination closer to him. He cupped her in his hand and gently stroked
her, and then plunged two fingers inside. He briefly flashed to his
captivity, to when his captor had done the same to him, but he managed to
push the thoughts out of his head as he slowly began to circle and kneed
her clit. Scully bucked at the hips and began to moan. Mulder moved his
fingers faster and then reached deeper inside her, entering a third finger.
He could now hear soft cries coming from Scully's lips and he noticed that
her head was thrown back and beads of perspiration were beginning to gather
at her hairline. Her eyes were closed tight and she had a look of shear
pleasure on her face.

Mulder withdrew his fingers and Scully looked up in time to see him lower
his head, and throwing her head back again she felt his tongue lapping up
her juices which were flowing steadily now. His tongue flicked at her clit,
and dug deeper inside her. He caught her between his lips and she cried out
in ecstasy. Her hips were moving up and down at a steady pace with Mulder's
movements now, and she could feel herself coming close to blissful release.
Suddenly, Mulder placed two fingers inside her again and squeezed her clit
once more. Scully gasped and her hips shot up as she hit her peak and went
tumbling over the edge of the greatest orgasm she'd ever experienced. She
fell back onto the mattress fully expended.

**************************************************************************

Mulder looked up at Scully. Her eyes were closed, but there was a smile
playing across her lips. He moved up so that he was hovering over her and
kissed her on her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled
him closer. She could feel Spooky pressing into her stomach and she smiled
into Mulder's mouth.

"Mulder?" She began, "are you trying to tell me something."

"Yea," Mulder replied breathlessly. " "Spooky wants to come and play too."

"Let's get it on!" She cried, relaying Mulder's own words back to him.
Those same words he uttered when they had played husband and wife not so
long ago.

Mulder howled and captured her mouth again with his own. Then, with one
move he was inside her and it was like nothing he'd ever felt. She
completed him; he felt whole. She sighed again and he began to move inside
her, first agonizingly slow, and then faster as they found their rhythm. It
was perfect, and he could feel Scully tighten her muscles around him.
Perfect.

It was taking him longer to reach his peak, but Scully was fast approaching
another orgasm. She hit and was over the edge again, falling. Mulder was
just about to peak himself when suddenly he was assailed with images of his
rape again. Scully was gone, replaced by the devil. It was not she who
engulfed him, but the devils mouth and Mulder shuttered and began to shake
violently.

Scully noticed the change in Mulder almost immediately, and her eyes flew
open. His eyes were squeezed shut, in terror and agony, and he was
quivering. All other movement had ceased and she realized he was reliving
his nightmare. She didn't know for sure what had triggered it, but she
guessed that it was the onset of the orgasm. She had felt him begin his own
release when all of a sudden he just stopped and his disposition changed
drastically. She tried to call his name, but he was unresponsive. She
reached up and cupped his face in her hands as two tears squeezed out from
under his closed eyelids, but he was still trapped in his terror filled
mind.

Mulder began to shake even more violently. All of a sudden he released a
deafening scream and collapsed on top of her, ejaculating as he fell.

************************************************************************

Ties That Bind Part 8 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman



Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: May 27, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All
characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of
my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force
him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

*****************************************************************************

Scully's Apartment

March 22, 1999



Scully cried out as Mulder fell on top of her. He was a great deal heavier
then her petite 5'3" 110lb frame, and the impact had the affect of knocking
the wind out of her momentarily. Her own discomfort was quickly shelved
however as her concern was completely focused on Mulder.

Scully quickly but gently got out from under him and turned him over,
trying to assess his condition. She quickly felt for a pulse knowing that
he was probably fine physically. She also knew though that extreme
psychological events could affect the heart and she just had to make sure
that he was indeed ok. His pulse was strong, if a little on the fast side,
but that was to be expected. She sighed in relief, and went to throw on her
pajamas. Quietly getting back into bed, she lay down facing Mulder and
covered them with the blanket. He could easily be mistaken for just a
peaceful sleeper if it weren't for the tears that still leaked out from
beneath his closed eyelids. Scully softly brushed them away with her thumb,
letting her hand linger perhaps a little too long on the side of Mulder's
face. Mulder sighed and moved in closer to her, and she wrapped her arms
around him trying to shield him from his nightmares. She could feel his
heart beat slowing to a more normal rhythm, and as she started to nod off
to the soothing sound, she heard him whisper something.

"Please."

"What?" She asked just as quietly, not sure whether he'd actually spoken.

"Please..."

"Scully was about to ask him what, again when he continued.

"Please...please don't let him hurt me." He pleaded, pulling his knees up to
his chest and moving still closer to her. She felt her heart breaking. It
was like listening to a child; so fragile and vulnerable. And she felt so
absolutely helpless, because there was absolutely nothing she could do
except be there for him. She couldn't fight his demons, because this one
was already dead. Mulder had to be the one to destroy the monsters in his
closet and under his bed, but she comforted him none the less.

"Shhh...I won't let him hurt you. I promise Mulder, he'll never hurt you
again." She responded tearsly, softly smoothing his hair, and drying still
more tears from his still closed eyes.

"Please...It...it hurts so much."

"What, Mulder?" She asked worried. "Where does it hurt?" She thought that
maybe he was still sore and he hadn't told her, or maybe he hurt himself
when he collapsed. She pulled back from him slightly and saw that he had
opened his eyes and was staring back at her. There was a haunted look
behind clear hazel eyes, and it scared her.

"It hurts so much." He repeated.

"Mulder tell me, where does it hurt?" Scully pleaded herself.

"It hurts...inside." He cried, curling himself up even tighter. He wrapped
his arms around his knees and started to shake again, and Scully held him
even tighter. She could feel the tears start to sneak out from her own eyes
and she tried to wipe them away before they fell on Mulder. He didn't need
to know that she was upset. Then he'd be worried about her, and she didn't
want that.

She slowly rocked him and soon his breathing slowed and the shaking
subsided. He was asleep again. She hoped that things were better in the
morning, because they couldn't get much worse.

****************************************************************************

When Mulder woke up it was a little past 3 in the morning. Scully was
sleeping quietly beside him, and she had one arm placed gracefully across
his stomach. He gently took her arm and moving out from under it, placed it
back down on the mattress. He pulled on his pajama bottoms and then taking
one of the pillows left her bedroom. After last night, he didn't feel he
belonged there. Grabbing the afghan that was placed over the back of her
couch, he lay down and tried to get comfortable. He wasn't used to sleeping
on couches anymore...he was so used to her bed. No, he was used to her. Being
next to her, and being held by her. He didn't deserve it now, though. He
didn't deserve her. He'd leave for his own apartment now, if he knew it
wouldn't make Scully angry and upset with him, but he couldn't do that to
her. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he'd go back to his place, and she wouldn't have to
worry anymore. She wouldn't have to be inconvenienced by him and his
ill-timed flashbacks. And he wouldn't have to see her cry.

He knew that she had been crying last night, because despite her efforts,
he could feel the tears as they fell on him and he could feel her quivering
body as she tried to comfort him. He didn't want to leave...He could almost
convince himself to stay, but he wouldn't. He couldn't watch her suffer
because of him, and he couldn't let what happened last night happen again.

It wasn't his pride that was wounded...It was his heart, because last night
had been so wonderful, and so important in their relationship...and he'd
ruined it. If he could at all help it, it wouldn't happen again.

****************************************************************************

Scully woke up suddenly and looked at the clock. 3:55. She knew immediately
what it was that woke her. Mulder wasn't there. She rolled out of bed and
went to look in the bathroom but he wasn't there either. She found him
curled up on the sofa. It was obvious that he'd been crying again. There
were damp spots on the pillow and his eyes were still lightly puffy.

Scully went back to the bedroom and called in a message to AD Skinner
saying that they wouldn't be into work today. She simply stated that Mulder
was sick and that she didn't feel right leaving him alone all day. She
noted that she'd keep him apprised of the situation. She then went to the
closet and got another afghan, and coiling her legs under her, got herself
settled on her overstuffed chair.

She sat there staring at him for a long time. She knew why he had come out
here. He was punishing himself because he felt that he'd let her down in
some way. He was probably embarrassed, and felt that he shouldn't be with
her after what had happened, but nothing could be farther from the truth.
She wanted him with her more then ever. She wanted to comfort him and to
love him, and she wanted that from him as well. She knew as well that he
wasn’t worrying about himself, but was concerned about what he was putting
her through, but she didn't care about that. She was worried for him and
that wouldn't stop just because he stopped sleeping in her bed. She would
always worry for him because she loved him.

Tomorrow she'd have to make him understand that.

*************************************************************************

March 23

10:13am

Scully felt a pair of eyes on her as she slowly pulled herself from the
confines of sleep. She prepared herself for a stiff neck and limbs that
would come from sleeping on the chair for a better part of the morning, and
was startled to find that she was lying down. Scully was on the couch,
where Mulder previously had been and he had taken up residence on the
chair. He must have woken at some point and moved her there. Strange that
she hadn't woken. She must have been exhausted.

She sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Mulder had taken to
staring at the floor when she looked up and he said a quiet good morning.

Before she could reply though, he continued.

"I um, thought I should tell you...I think I should go back to my own
apartment."

"Mulder..." She started, shocked.

"Don't. I know what you're going to say, and I know that last night wasn't
my fault but I can't go through that again. I can't risk having another
flashback and having to know what it's doing to you. How it's affecting
you, and you say that you don't care and that you're fine but I'm not." He
said, finally looking up. "I can't watch you live through my nightmares. I
just can't. It would be better for you if I just went home."

Mulder got up and moved towards the door. His bags were there. He'd already
packed. She sat there dumfounded. When she pulled herself together, she
went to try to stop him. To try to make him change his mind, but he was
already gone. She wondered for a moment how he planned on getting home,
since he didn't have his car here. She went to peer out her window and she
saw that he had called for a cab. She watched him get into the car, and
then he was gone.

**************************************************************************

Scully was pacing the floor of her living room with frantic movements. She
didn't know what to do. She just didn't know. Mulder was wrong; it was her
fault. She should have told him no. Should have told him that he wasn't
ready. She's a doctor for Christ sake! Ok, so she may not be a psychiatrist
but still. She knew that he wasn't ready. This was all her fault, and now
he was suffering.

She stopped just in front of her couch with a thought. She slowly smiled to
herself. Fine. He thought that he was better off at his place? Fine, but
nothing said she couldn't stay there with him. She knew that he meant that
he felt he was better off alone, but that's not what he'd said. She ran to
get her bag and hastily packed. He'd be upset, but she didn't care. She
didn't trust him to be by himself. She didn't think that he was suicidal,
but she wouldn't take the risk, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. He
wanted to run from her that was fine, but she wasn't going to give up
without a fight.

She phoned her mother before she left to let her know where she'd be, and
was out the door.

**************************************************************************

Alexandria, Virginia

Apartment of Fox Mulder

11:21

Mulder was sitting on his couch staring at the TV. For the first time in a
long time, it wasn't on. He was just staring at a blank screen. He felt
numb all over. She was the best thing in his life and he'd just walked
away. She was upset at him no doubt...maybe even a little angry, but he
couldn't help that now. He couldn't watch her follow him down into despair.
He had seen the terrified look in her eyes when he'd finally been able to
say last night where it hurt. The awareness that seeped into her eyes at
what he'd meant.

He had lied to her when he said that he thought he had been ready. He knew
that he wasn't, but he was willing to take that chance. He knew that it was
too soon, but he'd wanted to be with her so badly. And he knew that she
wanted to be with him. He had wanted to give that to her. He had wanted to
love her and to be loved but he saw that that wasn't possible now. Maybe he
didn't deserve that happiness. Every time it seemed he had it, something
took it away.

He contemplated his gun, which was sitting on the coffee table just a few
feet away. He remembered back to that night when he learned that he might
have been the reason for Scully's cancer, and how he had been so ready to
end it all. To pull the trigger and be out of her life so that he could
never do her harm again. He would have done it too, if Kritchgau hadn't
called at that moment. But he wouldn't do it now. He wouldn't let that
piece of filth win. Then he thought again about what happened last night
and how maybe he already had.

*************************************************************************

Scully stood just outside Mulder's door, not sure of how to proceed. Now
that she was here, she thought that maybe she'd made a mistake. She wasn't
sure how Mulder would react and she didn't want to upset him, but she
couldn't let him shut her out. Not now, and not ever again. She put her
suitcase on the floor and knocked confidently on the door. It sounded more
confident then she felt. She heard Mulder's slow movements inside and
stepped back as he opened the door.

"Scully, what are you doing here?" He asked tiredly.

"Well, it occurred to me that you never said that I couldn't come here so I
thought you might use some company for a day or two or whatever," She said
once again picking up her suitcase and moving past him into his apartment.

"Scully, go home. I said I wanted to be alone."

"No, actually you didn't. You said that you felt you'd be better off at
your place. You never said anything about being alone."

"Scully. I mean it...go home." Mulder said, now getting agitated.

"I don't think so Mulder." Scully said getting agitated herself. "Have you
stopped for one moment to think about what this is doing to me? How I feel
about this?"

"That's why I'm doing it Scully." Mulder replied desperately. "I told you
already...I can't let what's happened to me affect you. I can't watch you
follow me into my nightmares. I can't watch you cry over me, and see this
tear you apart because it's killing me inside. This bastard may have gotten
the best of me, but I'll be damned If I let him get to you too!"

"Mulder, don't you see though? It does affect me, whether you're at my
place or yours. Just because I can't see you doesn't mean I won't worry. It
means I'll worry even more, because you're alone and I don't know what's
going on in that head of yours. I don't know what you're planning, how
you're coping, if you're coping. I mean, obviously you're not because of
what happened last night. Mulder, not being with you and not worrying about
you is like not breathing. If I didn't breath, I'd die, and without you,
It's as if I am dead. You are so much a part of me Mulder, that the idea of
not worrying about you his absolutely ridiculous. Mulder..." she said taking
a step towards him and taking his hands in hers. "Don't see that you're a
part of me? Let me help you, please."

"Scully..."

"Mulder, look at me."

Mulder just continued to look at the floor. He was starting to tear up
again, and removing his hand from hers, he stepped back.

"Scully, I'm sorry...but I can't. I just can't."

Scully shoulders drooped as Mulder walked past her and closed the door of
his bedroom behind him.

**************************************************************************

5:30pm

It had been hours and Mulder hadn't stepped foot out of his room. After
Mulder had left her standing there yet again, she had shrugged out of her
jacket and putting it on the coat rack sat down on his couch to think. Six
hours later she still didn't have a clue as to how to reach him. She'd
knocked on his door numerous times trying to get him to open up, or to at
least listen to her, but she always ended up sitting on that couch again,
near tears. She tried to be angry with him for shutting her out like this,
but she couldn't find it in herself. He was hurting now, and he didn't want
her to hurt by suffering with him. What he didn't seem to understand
though, was that she was anyway. In fact, she suffered more because he
wouldn't talk to her.

She got up once more to try to reach him. Scully rapped lightly on his door
and called his name.

"Mulder? Mulder please talk to me."

But there was no response. She felt like everything that they had finally
achieved together was slowly slipping away. She just stood there, her palm
flat against the door, trying to touch him.

**************************************************************************

For hours it had been the same. He lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
Staring at nothing. Random thoughts kept flowing through his head. Stupid
things, like how he wanted to take down that mirror that hung over his bed,
and where the hell did it come from anyway, and for that matter, where did
this bed come from. Anything to keep from thinking about Scully, which by
the way was nearly impossible seeing as how every time he managed to
distract himself, she was there again knocking on his door, pleading for
him to listen to her.

He closed himself off. He didn't want to listen, because he knew she was
right. He just couldn't make himself go to her. He knew that she was
hurting too. That no matter where he was, whether he was with her or not
she would worry, and be upset, but that only served to make him want to get
even farther away. He wished for a moment that she didn't love him, because
then she wouldn't hurt like she is. But then he would get selfish again and
thank God that she did love him because he knew that without her he
wouldn't survive. He would have been dead long ago.

Again, he heard her knocking on his door.

"Mulder? Mulder please talk to me."

And then all was silent again. He could hear her sag against the door. He
imagined her small had pressed against the door, trying to reach out to
him. He got up, but instead of going to her he went into the bathroom and
turned on the light. He looked at himself in the mirror for the first time
since he'd been taken. He didn't recognize what he saw. He'd lost some
weight. He hadn't been eating much but what Scully made for dinner. His
eyes were sunken and bleary, both from not sleeping and from crying; and
there was nothing behind them. No life; just emptiness and sorrow. Mulder
backed away from his reflection and leaning against the wall sank to the
floor. He felt so weak and empty. He had nothing left. All he had in the
world was Scully, and now he was pushing her away too. He had no control
over anything in his life anymore, and he couldn't seem to make himself
stop crying for two seconds. He thought perhaps that he was going insane.

Scully could hear Mulder crying on the other side of the door. She tried to
turn the knob on the door but he'd locked it.

"Mulder, let me in." Scully pleaded. "Please let me help you Mulder,
please."

When he didn't answer, she slowly sank to the floor and leaning against it
with her left side, she placed her right palm against the door again.
Quietly, and in tears, she asked "Why won't you let me help?"

***************************************************************************

10:13pm

All he wanted to do was go to sleep. He wanted to shut off his mind so that
he couldn't think about what was happening to him. But he wouldn't sleep.
To sleep would be to bring on the nightmares, and he knew that it would be
the same. The devil would come for him and he would be powerless to stop
him. He would cry out in his sleep and Scully would come running. Granted,
he'd locked the door but he knew that that wouldn't stop her. She'd just
break it down. So he didn't sleep. He did however turn on the TV to start
looking for some old sci-fi movies. Anything to keep himself awake.
Anything to keep the monsters at bay. Slowly, he lost himself in his task,
and slowly morning came.

At about 6:30am, Mulder heard Scully lightly rap on his door.

"Mulder? Mulder...I, I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving for work.
I'll be back around 5. Mulder?"

Mulder heard Scully sigh and the sound of her heels tapping on the floor as
she opened the door and left the apartment. He turned off the TV and
unlocked his door. He was starving, but as usually he had nothing to eat.
Whatever was in his fridge had certainly gone bad and he wasn't about to go
look. He settled himself instead on his couch. Lying down, he turned on the
TV and closed his eyes. He was so tired. Maybe with the TV on, and it being
day he would have more luck with keeping the dreams away. Within a matter
of minutes he was asleep.

****************************************************************************

11:21am

Scully sat at Mulder's desk staring at the computer screen, but she wasn't
seeing it. She was just staring. She didn't know why she was there. She
wasn't getting any work done because she couldn't concentrate on anything
but Mulder. She supposed that it was a way of escaping. She couldn't stay
there for another minute knowing that Mulder was so close while still being
so far. So instead, she put the physical distance between them to match the
emotional. She needed time to think, and maybe if she were at the office,
she'd be able to do that. And Mulder would be able to take himself out of
his self-imposed exile.

Scully was so lost in her own mind and thoughts that she didn't hear the
door open and the AD walk in. She was startled when she heard him clear his
throat. He stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets, a concerned
look on his face.

"Agent Scully? Are you ok...I knocked...?"

"Sir, I'm sorry." She apologized as she stood. "I guess I was just lost in
thought."

"About?" He asked, stepping inside the office and closing the door behind
him.

When Scully didn't answer, he took a step closer.

"What's going on Scully? Where is Mulder?"

"He..." Scully paused. She didn't know how to answer. She was afraid that if
she mentioned Mulder's current condition, Skinner would think that he
wasn't capable of doing his job any longer. She didn't want to compromise
Mulder's position. Then again, She knew that Skinner probably knew what was
going on, or at least had suspicions. And she needed to talk to someone
about it.

"Sir, he's not doing too well." She said with a sigh, and sat down again in
Mulder's chair. "He had a particularly strong flashback and wouldn't stay
at my place anymore. I don't know what he's thinking. He won't talk to me.
I went over to his place yesterday but he locked himself in his bedroom and
wouldn't come out. The only reason I came in today was because I figured if
I wasn't there, he'd let himself out of his bedroom." Scully took a deep
breath. "Sir, I just don't know what to do."

"Has he spoken with his psychiatrist since the last time?"

"No...I think he has an appointment for Friday."

"I think that the only thing that can be done right now Scully, is to wait
for him to figure things out for himself. Maybe after he speaks with her
he'll feel better. In the mean time Scully, tell him that he can take
whatever time he needs. I told him as much when I spoke to him, but remind
him that he has my support."

"Yes sir, thank you."

Skinner got up to leave. "Oh, and Scully?"

"Yes sir?"

"If you need some time as well, you may take it. You have two weeks of
vacation time coming."

"Thank you sir." Scully said in appreciation.

"Your welcome Agent. Let me know how things go."

"Certainly sir."

And with that, Skinner left. Scully sat back and closed her eyes. She was
so tired. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and she ached all over.
She has spent a good portion of the night and early morning leaning against
Mulder's door. She'd moved to the couch eventually but that wasn't much
better. She wanted to be with Mulder, but he just wouldn't let her in.

She folded her arms on the desk and rested her head on them. Soon she was
asleep.

***************************NC17************************************

It was happening again.

Mulder huddled in the corner trying to get away from him. He was coming
closer, and Mulder couldn't get away. He was trapped.

He cried out in pain as the devil grabbed a hold of his hair again and tied
him up. He grew cold inside as he knew what was coming. It was always the
same. He started shaking as he felt the devil start his routine. First the
hands. They were all over him; roaming his body. Poking, prodding,
caressing. Violating. He felt nauseous. He fought the urge to vomit as he
felt the mans hands reaching down and stroking his penis.

Helpless. He felt so helpless.

He felt the devils mouth as it closed over his penis and he started to
shake even more violently. He felt the familiar onset of the orgasm and he
started to cry. He felt betrayed by his own body. How could he let this
happen? He was weak. He had no control. He was nothing.

Mulder came and was once again wracked with heavy sobs. He had never before
been so ashamed of himself.

And then the fingers entered him and he cried out in pain. They were
probing him again. Probing, touching, feeling...stroking. And then the
fingers left and once again he was entered by the man's penis. He had never
felt so much pain. It wasn't the physical pain. By now he was almost used
to it. It was more like a slight discomfort then pain. It was the emotional
pain. He could feel his heart being torn apart. He was dying. He had
nothing left. He had always had himself; his strength, and his will to
survive. Now he didn't even have that. He was dead inside.

He reached orgasm again and as he ejaculated he screamed. He felt his soul
shatter into a million pieces.

**************************************************************************

Scully heard herself cry out as she came awake. She was still in the
office, but she had been with Mulder again. It had been different this
time. It had felt so strange at first. At first she thought that it had
been the same dream as before. She had been with him in the room and he was
in the corner, huddled in a fetal position. The same way that he had been
when she'd had the vision. But then the door opened and the man came
walking in. He had a smile on his face and he'd gone over to Mulder. She
saw the terror in Mulder's eyes as he'd backed up to the wall. Trying to
become the wall. Trying with all his might to get away from his captor. But
he was trapped.

She tried to do something. She tried to stop the beast, but she couldn't do
anything. She watched in horror as Mulder was raped repeatedly. She felt
her knees give and she fell to the floor sobbing. She saw the pain and the
humiliation in his eyes and on his face and she watched him cry, and she
heard him scream. It sounded like her own soul at that moment. That was
when Scully had woken up, and she knew that she had been sharing Mulder's
nightmare.

Scully jumped out of the chair and grabbing her briefcase, she went running
out of the office to the car. She had to get to Mulder.

****************************************************************************

Mulder woke to the sound of a strangled cry leaving his own lips. He jumped
up and ran to the bathroom suddenly nauseous, but as he hunched over the
toilet, nothing would come out and he spent the next five minutes dry
heaving. He felt the tears burning his eyes and he closed his lids. He
tried to stand when he was overtaken by a dizzy spell and blacking out went
crashing to the floor.

***************************************************************************

12:15pm

Scully was a nervous wreck. It took her about half the time it normally
took to get to Mulder's place and as she parked the car across the street
from the front door, she took a few minutes to get her breathing under
control. Mulder was no doubt more upset than she was, and Scully didn't
want to upset him farther. Taking a deep breath she opened the door and
prepared herself for what was sure to be another argument. She was unsure
as of yet as to whether or not she should tell Mulder about her dream, but
she knew that she'd have to talk to someone. If not Mulder, then a
counselor for friends of rape victims. What she had witnessed had been
extremely disturbing and she didn't know if she'd be able to handle it
alone. In truth, she wasn't alone, but Mulder may not be the right person
for her to talk to.

Scully finally reached the door to Mulder's apartment, and as she turned
the key in the lock and opened the door, she called his name...and got no
answer.

*************************************************************************

"Mulder?"

Somewhere off in the distance Mulder could hear someone calling his name.
He wasn't sure if he wanted to go to it, or even if he could. It was
comfortable where he was. The darkness was all encompassing, and safe. But
he recognized the voice. It called him back, with its familiarity, and it's
own promise of safety.

"Mulder, answer me!"

Closer now and then closer still as his name was called again. He saw the
light, and it was at first blinding, but then warm. Opening his eyes, he
blinked once, and then again trying to figure out where he was. And then it
all came rushing back to him. He was lying on his back on the bathroom
floor, head by the toilet. He had the beginnings of a very nice headache,
as well as remnants of the earlier bout of nausea.

Mulder rolled over onto his left side as he tried to stand. Just at that
moment Scully came in through the door.

The sight of Mulder struggling to stand knocked the wind out of Scully and
although she wanted to help him, she knew that Mulder probably didn't want
it.

Scully took an uneasy step forward.

"Mulder...are you alri..."

"I'm fine." Came a clipped response.

Mulder came to a full standing position and as he went to walk past her
stumbled slightly.

Scully turned and grabbed a hold of his arm, placing the other hand on his
back to steady him. He pulled his arm away and continued walking.

"I said I'm fine!"

"Mulder, you are not fine! You need help!"

When she got no answer, she followed him out into the bedroom where he was
lying on the bed, facing away from her. She sat down on the edge of the bed
and tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

Scully couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't sit passively by and watch
Mulder deteriorate. She had to shake him out of it and she had to do it
fast, or else the man she loved would be gone for good. She stood up and
went to the other side of the bed so that she could look at him. She stood
there; arms crossed in front of her and with quiet sadness, asked the
question she knew would get a response.

"Mulder...you said you loved me. Was that a lie? Did you not mean it? Because
if you didn't, tell me now and I'll go."

Mulder sat up and looked at her in shock.

"How can you even ask that Scully? Of course I love you. I could never love
anyone else. I don't think that I honestly ever have!"

"Then why are you pushing me away? Mulder, you have to know how much I love
you. I believe that I've showed it in more ways then one and I've
definitely said it. Why now, when you need that love most of all, are you
rejecting it...and me?"

"I...I have to." Mulder said looking down.

"No you don't! Why are you making yourself suffer unnecessarily? Mulder,
let me help you!"

"No!" Mulder shouted looking up at her, pleading her to understand. "I have
to do this on my own!"

"Why?!"

Mulder got off the bed and started to walk away again, but Scully wasn't
going to let him get off that easily. She strode over to him and stood
blocking the door.

"Mulder, She said in a calmer voice. Why do you have to do this alone?"

He turned away and head bowed whispered something Scully couldn't
understand.

"What?" Scully asked taking a step closer.

"Because it was my fault." Mulder put his face in his hands and as he sank
to the floor, his frail body was wracked with sobs.

"Mulder..." Scully sighed as she walked around him and sitting beside him
pulled him to her. He didn't protest this time, and as he shook she gently
stroked his hair and softly rocked him. "Mulder, you are not to blame.

"But I am."

"How Mulder? How are you to blame?"

"Because I didn't fight him. I was too drunk and weak to fight him."

"Mulder, you couldn't fight him. He had a gun to your head..."

"Right! My gun! He had my gun to my head. And how did he get it? Because I
was drunk!"

"Well then Mulder, you might as well blame me too because it was our
argument that made you decide to get drunk!"

"Scully, you know I don't blame you."

"Mulder…I know that, but don't you see how ridiculous you're being? You got
drunk. So what? You didn't ask to be assaulted. You didn't walk around with
a big neon sign with an arrow that said 'Take Me! Please, I want to be
attacked.'" It happened. If you hadn't been there, it would have happened
to someone else, whether they were drunk or not. You are not to blame
Mulder, any more then I am, and since you assure me that I'm not, I am
assuring you that you're not. You don't have to do this alone Mulder. I'm
here, every step of the way, and you're not getting rid of me. You know how
stubborn I can be!"

"I plead the fifth." Mulder said with mock seriousness.

Scully smiled. "Can we get off the floor now?"

"I would very much like to get off the floor. I think I should attach a
piece of wood to my ass. That way whenever I feel the need to kiss the
floor, I don't have far too go."

"Oh, so you're going to chase your ass like a dog? Can I watch?"

"Only if I can chase yours after."

"You can kiss my ass!"

"Promise?"

"Later. Right now, I think you better go to bed."

Mulder got serious again at the mention of sleep. "Scully, I don't want to.
I...I had the dream again before you came back. That's why I was in the
bathroom. I...I got nauseous, but I couldn't throw up. I got dizzy from the
constant dry heaving and past out. That's when you walked in. Come to think
of it Scully, why did you come back so soon? You said you'd be back around
5."

Scully didn't know how to answer. She considered telling him Skinner said
she could take time off or that she couldn't concentrate, which of course
was all true, but she knew he wouldn't believer her.

"Well talk about it later Mulder."

"No Scully, tell me. Why aren't you at work?"

"Mulder..." Scully got up off the floor and started to pace. She didn't want
to tell him right now. It would upset him greatly that she saw what had
happened to him. The fact that she had even seen his prone form when she
found him had embarrassed him greatly. How was he going to react to this?
"...I...I kind of had another dream."

"What do you mean?" Mulder said warily, getting up as well and moving to
her, making her stop her pacing. It was making him dizzy."

"I hadn't slept well last night. I fell asleep at your desk and I dreamed...I
saw...I saw what happened to you," she finished in a whisper.

"But you saw as much when I was missing. What made you come here?"

"No," she said looking down. I saw it..as it was happening. I think...I think
I shared your nightmare. That's why I left the office."

"What?" Mulder whispered backing away slightly.

"I don't know how, or why Mulder, but I was there. I saw him come in
through the door and chain you to the wall. I saw him...Oh God, Mulder. I saw
him rape you." It was Scully's turn to start crying now. "I tried. I tried
to stop him but I couldn't." She said in between sobs. "I couldn't save
you. I mean, I know it was just a dream, but...I couldn't...I couldn't stop
him. I tried..."

Mulder went over to her and hugged her fiercely. "Scully, there was nothing
you could have done. There was no way for you to know where he had taken
me. You have to know that what I said was true. I don't blame you. You do
know that, don't you?"

"I know, Mulder...but how do I stop blaming myself?"

"I guess we both have our work cut out for us, huh?"

"Yeah..." Scully chuckled. "I guess we do."

"I have an idea..how 'bout we blame Diana. After all, we were fighting
because of her."

Scully smiled. "Deal."

Mulder smiled in kind. "Scully, how about we both get some sleep."

"I think that would be a great idea. Um, Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"When did you get a bed?"

**********************************************************************

End part 8

**********************************************************************

Ties That Bind Part 9 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman



Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: June 3, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All
characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of
my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force
him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

***************************************************************************

Dr. Adams office

3 weeks later

"So, Mulder...How are we doing today?" Dr. Adams asked.

Mulder smiled. "Good. I'm doing well, thank you."

"Has anything new happened since we last spoke?"

"No, nothing really. Just working, trying to catch up on all the files that
were left unattended since...since I was raped." Mulder finished quietly. He
still had trouble saying it. Saying that he was raped. But he was getting
better, slowly.

"Good, good. How are you doing on the personal level? With Agent Scully,
that is."

Mulder beamed with another smile. "I think that I'm the happiest that I
have ever been in my entire life." Mulder said with wonder. "And I think
that she's happy too. We haven't tried to have sex since the first time,
because I know that I'm still not ready, but we do share the same bed. I
can't imagine being without here. I love her so much." He whispered.

"I'm so happy for you, Mulder. And how is Scully doing with what's happened
and all?"

"She seems to be doing better. It was hard for her at first. For both of
us, obviously, but we're helping each other. Whenever one his having a bad
day, the other is there to support, and I think that that is what is
helping us through this. We keep each other strong. We've always had the
friendship. We will always have that, no matter what happens. I think that
friendship is most important, because it's one of the strongest tie that
you have to another person. It's the Tie that binds us together, and for
that I will always be grateful.

*************************************************************************

Annapolis, Maryland

Mulder and Scully's apartment

April 16, 1999

About two weeks after the incident with Scully, Mulder had moved into her
place. He didn't much like his apartment anymore. It was only a reminder of
the life that he'd once had, and he didn't want that memory. It was a life
without Scully, and that just wasn't acceptable anymore. Not for Mulder,
and not for Scully. A week after moving out, he sold it. He had always felt
more at home and at ease at Scully's place anyway. It wasn't a difficult
decision to make. He trashed everything that he had except for his files,
his clothing, and of course, his fish. Even thought he always killed them,
he was kind of attached to them. Gone was the waterbed that he never really
knew where it came from. Gone was the smelly refrigerator with the moldy
food. Gone was his sadness. He was starting a new life, a happier life...a
life with Scully.

"I'm home!" Mulder called as he walked in to their apartment. Home, it
sounded so right. More importantly, it felt right.

"Hey!" Scully called from the kitchen. How did your session go with Dr.
Adams?

"Same old same old. She says hello. Actually, she'd like us to go see her
together next week. I feel that it's a really good chance that she'll
approve me for field agent status."

"Mulder that's wonderful!" Scully shouted.

Scully felt arms snake around her waste and she jumped startled. "No need
to shout Scully, I'm right here. A little deaf, but right here."

Scully giggled. God, he loved it when she giggled.

"Sorry Mulder. Didn't here you come up behind me."

"Well no wonder with all your shouting." Mulder smiled as he kissed her on
the back of her head. Scully leaned into Mulder.

"Watch it G-man, or no dinner for you tonight."

"I withdraw my comment from the court your honor."

"Ha-ha, Mr. funny man."

"So, what's on the agenda for this lovely Friday evening?"

"What do you want to do?"

"This," he said turning her around and kissing her passionately on her
mouth.

"Mmmm," Scully said. "I like that."

"Me too. Let's do it again."

"No argument here."

Mulder pulled away. "Scully, are you ok?" He said feeling her forehead.

"Yeah, why?" Scully asked puzzled.

"Because I got no argument from you."

"Ooh! One of these days Mulder!"

"Right in the kisser?"

"Not if you don't watch it!"

They both smiled

***************************************************************************

April 23, 1999

"Mulder...I never asked, why does Dr. Adams want to speak with me as well as
you today?"

"I don't know, Scully. She never said. I suppose she'd like to meet the
woman that occupies the majority of our conversations."

"You talk about me when you're there Mulder?" Scully asked incredulously.

"Of course. I'm supposed to talk about how I'm feeling and what's helping
me to cope, and it's you. I told you before that you make me a whole
person. Without you...without you, I probably wouldn't be alive. You saved my
ass so many times Scully, If you hadn't been my partner...my friend, I
wouldn't have lived long enough to be raped, and if I had, well, I wouldn't
have survived. I'm here because you are. Don't you know that you're
everything to me?

Slow tears ran down Scully's face for what she felt was the millionth time
since Mulder had been taken. But for the first time they were tears of
absolute joy.

"I love you." Scully whispered.

"I love you too, Scully. I'll love you forever.

***************************************************************************

Dr. Adam's Office

20 min. later

"Agent Scully, might I say it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Thank you, Dr. Adams, It's nice to meet you as well." Scully replied,
shaking the hand the woman offered.

"Oh please, call me Gracie." She said smiling.

"Very well then, It's nice to meet you, Gracie. I must admit, I'm a little
curious to know why you asked me here." Scully said as she sat down on the
couch next to Mulder.

"Oh, nothing to worry about," Dr. Adams said laughing. "I really just
wanted to commend you for the way you stuck by Mulder, and how you helped
him. The hardest thing to do in a rape situation, I often think is for the
friends and family members to be there for the person who has suffered.
They often times can't handle it themselves, and so the victim ends up
suffering even more because the people who are supposed to be there for
them are not. I know that this has been difficult for the both of you, and
that you and Mulder were able to help each other is truly a wonderful
thing."

Mulder and Scully, who were up until now just sitting side by side took the
opportunity to look at each other and they took one another's hand and
smiled. "Thank you." They both said simultaneously, which made them all
laugh.

"I also wanted to tell you both together, because I know how Mulder would
want to share this with you, Scully. I am going to be recommending to AD
Skinner that you be allowed to return to Active Duty effective
immediately."

"I...I don't know what to say!" Mulder gasped.

"Mulder, this is where you say thank you." Scully teased.

"Scully..." Mulder warned turning to her.

"Mulder..." Scully returned giving him the eyebrow.

"Oh wow, thank you so much Dr. Adams," Mulder finally said. "You don't know
what this means to me."

"I have an idea." She replied smiling. "Well, that will be all for today,
Agents, but I still want to see you hear next Friday Agent Mulder. Same
time, same place...you know the drill."

"Yes ma'am," Mulder replied, in mock solute.

When Mulder and Scully were back in their car, Mulder turned to Scully and
said, "I feel like celebrating, how about you?"

"Sounds great Mulder. How about a nice dinner out and a movie?"

"Um, actually I was thinking of going over to see your mom. I want to talk
to her about something."

"My mother's?" Scully questioned. "You do know that Bill is on leave right
now and he and Beth are visiting, right?"

"Oh, good, I need to talk to him about something to." Mulder replied
cryptically.

"Mulder...I hope this is not your idea of a celebration. You know how my
brother feels about you."

"I know."

"It's your death sentence. I'll call my mom." Scully sat back worried. She
didn't want to have to measure Mulder for a casket. She hoped he knew what
he was doing.

**************************************************************************

Scully residence

5:30pm

She felt like she was going to throw up. The whole ride over to her
mother's house she kept looking over at Mulder, trying to gauge what he was
planning. He would just look at her and give that innocent look as if to
say "What?" She couldn't imagine why on earth he would want to talk to
Bill. Sure, she could think of one reason, but that would be like wearing a
bulls eye that said "aim here." Bill hated Mulder with a passion, and she
honestly didn't think that Mulder wanted to be pummeled to pieces. And the
fact that they'd only really been going out for a month, it couldn't be
that. Could it?

So it was with nervous knots that she said hello to her mother and walked
into her house, giving her a hug.

"Hi mom."

"Hello Dana. Fox, how are you?"

"Great Mrs. Scully. How are you?" He asked giving her a hug as well.

Scully looked on in surprise. She couldn't remember seeing Mulder hug her
mom. Then again, the only time that Mulder ever really saw her mom was when
she was missing, and of course when Mulder was in the hospital. She
supposed that in their mutual efforts to find her, they'd grown close. That
fact made her unbelievably happy. She loved Mulder and she wanted her mom
to lover him too. She knew that her mom already considered him a part of
the family. Then again, it would take a miracle to get Bill to even grunt
towards Mulder without a look of utter hatred on his face. She braced
herself for the inevitable.

"Where's Beth and Bill?"

"They're putting the baby down for a nap. He was getting cranky."

They moved in from the doorway and Mrs. Scully closed the door.

"Can I get you two anything to drink?"

"No thank you Mrs. Scully, I'm fine."

"Oh I'll get it mom, thanks."

As Scully went off to get herself a drink, Mulder and Mrs. Scully sat in
the living room. He was unbelievably nervous. Not about asking her mother,
he was fairly sure that she'd approve. She was always so kind to him. He
felt as if she were his mother. He felt comfortable around her, and he knew
without a doubt that Scully got her strength and her ability to love from
her mother.

Just as Mulder was about to talk to Mrs. Scully though, Scully came into
the room.

"I think I'm going to go up and say hello to Bill and Beth. I'll be back
down in a few minutes."

Perfect, Mulder thought. This was it.

"Sure, Scully, we'll be here."

As Scully went upstairs, Mulder turned his attention towards Mrs. Scully.

"Mrs. Scully, there's a reason why I asked Scully if we could come here
tonight. I want...I wanted to ask you something."

"Yes Fox, go on."

"Firstly, I think you know how I feel about Dana." He paused to collect his
thoughts. "The fact is, I love her. I suppose that I always have. We've
been the best of friends since we first met 6 1/2 years ago, and I can't
imagine where I'd be if we'd never met. I don't want to. She...your daughter
is such an unbelievable woman, Mrs. Scully. For her strength, and her
courage, her intelligence and her beauty, inside and out. What I'm trying
to say is...I want to ask Dana to marry me." Mulder took a deep breath and
finally met Mrs. Scully's eyes. She was smiling, and he felt at ease at
once. "Of course convincing Bill not to kill me is going to be a little
difficult, but it's one of the reasons I'm here tonight. I'm prepared to
talk to him, to try to explain to him what it is that Dana and I do, and
why. I'm just hoping that he'll hear me out."

"Fox...I'm so happy for you two. You know how fond I am of you, and to see
you two so happy...well, you definitely have my blessing. I know that Melissa
and Bill Sr. would be happy as well if they were here. I know that they're
smiling down on us right now. As with Bill jr...good luck." Mrs. Scully said
with a smile.

"Thanks," Mulder said. "I'll need it."

Mrs. Scully rose off the couch and went to the stairs.

"Dana honey, Beth, Bill, could you come down here a minute?"

"What are you doing?" Mulder asked.

Mrs. Scully just winked at him.

"Sure mom, what is it? Scully asked.

"Could you and Beth help me prepare dinner? And Bill, you can entertain
Fox, I'm sure." She said

"Umm, ok." Scully said nervously. Both she and Beth looked from Bill to
Mulder. Mulder just barely heard Scully whisper to Bill, "Be nice." Bill
grunted.

***********************************************************************

Once Beth and Scully were in the kitchen, Mulder took a deep breath and
walked over to Bill. He offered his hand, but Bill just stared at him.

"Mr. Scully," Mulder began, "I was hoping that I would get the chance to
talk to you about something."

"What is it? What's wrong with Dana now?"

"Nothing..nothing is wrong," Mulder sighed. "Can we go outside and talk
about this? I don't want Dana to hear."

"Fine."

Now that they were outside, Mulder felt a little calmer. There was less of
a chance of Scully over hearing, and he didn't feel so trapped. Being
outside meant that he could run if he needed to. Hopefully, he wouldn't
need to.

"What did you want to talk about, Mr. Mulder?"

"You asked me a while back what this quest was that I am on. I gave you an
answer, but now I want to tell you the full extent of it. I want you to
understand why it is that your sister and I get into the situations that we
get into, and why Dana is so adamant about continuing on in this line of
work."

"Go on."

"I told you how I had lost my sister as well to this thing that I am
searching for, but that isn't the whole truth. My sister is the reason that
I am on this quest."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was twelve years old she was...she was taken from our home. By who or
what, at that time I didn't know. I still don't. She was eight years old
when she went missing. We haven't seen her since. As I got older, I
followed my father into his line of work, which of course is the
government. I was a criminal profiler with a background in psychology. It
wasn't before long that I stumbled upon these files that only I was willing
to investigate. By this time I had undergone regression hypnotherapy. I was
in the room when my sister was taken, but I had blocked it out. I wanted so
desperately to know what had happened to her, so I was regressed, and
whether or not it's the truth, or these thoughts were given to me...or of
course I could just be insane, I came to believe that she was taken by
people from another planet." He looked up to see Bill's reaction. Bill was
looking at him with the "Scully look." Wonderful, he thought, another one
with the eyebrows.

"Anyway...These files, were of the paranormal type. I figured that it was
possibly a way to find out what had happened to my sister. These stories I
was reading were similar to my own, and so I began to investigate them.
About 4 years after I transferred to the X-Files division, me being the
only person in that division, Dana, your sister was assigned to assist me.
Actually, she was sent to spy on me, although she didn't know this. She was
to write reports on the validity of my investigations. She was to debunk my
findings through scientific investigative avenues. But she didn’t' do this.
Over the years, she has truly become my partner, in every sense of the
word. She has been honest in her findings, and as I have, she has fought to
find the truth of what is going on. In our search, we have found evidence
of a group of government officials who seek to hide the truth, whatever
that may be. They are responsible for Melissa's death, and Dana's cancer,
and they are responsible for the death of my own father; because of what we
have found, Dana and I. These men too are now dead. What ever it is that is
out there, it's important, important enough for these men to want to
suppress the evidence. And that means stopping Dana and me from
investigating. Whether you believe in aliens or not, I have to believe that
Dana and I are onto something big, or else why all the bother to stop us?
Why kill my father and Melissa, who was shot by accident?"

"This is why Dana won't stop looking for the truth, and why she follows me
into danger. Because something is going on within the government, something
big, and we are trying to stop it, and to bring these men to justice. I
know that you do not disapprove of her working in this line of work due to
the fact that she's a woman. It's because she's your sister, and you don’t
want to see her get hurt. I know how you feel. I don't ever want to see
Dana get hurt again, and believe me when I say that I would gladly put my
own life on the line to save hers. But this is her quest now too. Not
because she believes in aliens, and not because she feels she owes me
anything. It's because she wants to find out the truth, and I respect her
for that; you should too."

Bill sighed. "Mr. Mulder, I appreciate your candor, and your honesty with
everything that you've told me, and you're right, I don't want to see her
get hurt, but the fact of the matter is that she does, and that kills me
inside. I know that you appreciate that."

"I do, but all I can say is that in the end, Dana is going to do what she
feels she must and neither you or I will ever have a say in that matter.
She's her own person."

"Mr. Mulder, Is there another reason you asked to speak with me?"

"Yes, there is." Here it goes, he thought.

"Umm...a little over a month ago, I was...I was attacked. I was missing for
about 3 days, and in that time I was beaten and abused...sexually." Mulder
paused to catch his breath and he cleared his throat before continuing.
"Your sister found me...she saved my life, and perhaps my sanity. I tried to
push her away because I knew that she was suffering too, but she wouldn't
go. She stuck by me and helped me through easily the worst time of my life.
I'm not telling you this out of want for sympathy. What I'm telling you
this for is because through this I let myself admit how I feel for you
sister. I have known for quite some time that I love her. I don't know when
I came to realize this, but I never told her because I didn't think that
she felt the same way about me and I didn't want to loose her friendship.
After she found me, she told me that she loves me too, and finally I told
her. I told her at one point in our relationship that she makes me a whole
person. That I wouldn't be me without her and that's the truth. I love her
with all of my heart and with everything that I am. The reason I'm telling
you this is because I want to ask Dana to marry me. I've never loved anyone
as much as I love your sister. She's my heart and my soul, and she's the
reason that I'm able to continue on this quest of mine, of ours. It's
because she loves me and has faith in me. I wanted to ask you for your
blessing, and I knew that unless I explained these things to you I would
never get it. I don't know that I will get it now but I'm trying because I
respect you and your relationship with Dana, and I don't want to compromise
it. Please consider what I've told you, Mr. Scully. She has no idea that
I'm talking to you about this, or that I'm planning on proposing to her. I
love your sister very much, so much that I'd risk bodily harm from you to
make you understand just how much.

"Mr. Mulder, what you've told me is a lot to take in. I thank you again,
for telling me all that you have. It is evident how you feel for each
other. I've seen it in her eyes, and in yours. I don't believe that you
would intentionally put her in harms way, and I know that I can not stop
her from marrying you if that's what she wants. You're right, she is her
own person. You're a good person, and whatever it is that they are hiding,
if it is anything at all, I wish you luck in your search. I give you my
blessing because I know that to do otherwise would hurt Dana deeply. Please
watch after her because so help me if anything happens..."

"Believe me, if anything happens, you won't have the chance to do anything
because I'll be dead too."

"OK then. I think that we should get inside before the girls get
suspicious."

And with that, they shook hands and headed inside for dinner.

**************************************************************************

8:30pm

Everyone sat around the living room heavily engrossed in conversation.
Scully couldn't believe how well things were going. Dinner had been eaten
in a comfortable silence, as it seemed her mother, Mulder, and her brother
were all busy thinking about something. Scully knew that Mulder had talked
to Bill about something, but every time she questioned Mulder about it,
he'd shrug it off as man talk...whatever that meant, and anyway, when had
they become so chummy? She vowed to herself that she'd get to the bottom of
it...whatever it was.

So here they were, having dessert and talking, like she always hoped it
would be, and she had to smile to herself. Mulder caught the smile and
leaned in to question.

"What's going on?"

"Oh nothing. Just thinking that this was a great idea to come here
tonight."

"Yea, I'm having a great time." Mulder agreed.

That only made Scully smile more. She wanted so much for her family to get
along with Mulder. Especially Bill, because she knew how he felt, and she
feared that Bill would never except him as a part of her life. She hoped
she was wrong.

**************************************************************************

10:13pm

"Good night sweetie."

"'Night mom. I'll call you." Scully said as she hugged her mother goodbye.

"Goodnight Fox. It was great having you here."

Mulder hugged her goodbye, and he was about to pull away when she whispered
in his ear.

"Good luck."

He smiled at her, but not before he caught the look that Scully gave him.
He read it loud and clear. It said, "What is going on?" He ignored it.

"Thanks Mrs. Scully. Dinner was wonderful."

"I'm glad you liked it. Please come over again."

"I don't think that'll be a problem. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Fox, Dana."

With that, they left. Once they were in the car, Scully turned towards
Mulder and arms crossed, face stern said, "ok...out with it. What is going
on?"

"What do you mean."

"You know what I mean Mulder. All night you and mom have been looking at
each other as if you're ten years old and you have a secret that no one
else is supposed to know about. And then there's you and Bill. You too were
practically buddies tonight, and last time you saw each other, he wanted to
rip your head off. What the heck did you two talk about?"

"Scully...I have no idea what you're talking about." Mulder replied. "I just
told him that I was sorry for past arguments and that I hoped we could put
it behind us. As for you mother, I really don't know what you're talking
about."

"You're lying."

"Scully! Would I lie to you?"

"Yes."

Mulder feigned a shocked look.

"Mulder, you're not getting away with this. I want to know what's going
on."

"Well, then you're going to have a long wait, because I don't know what to
tell you."

"Fine, whatever."

Mulder glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. He smiled to himself
and just kept driving.

**************************************************************************

11:00pm

"Mulder...where are we going? We should have been home 15 minutes ago."



"We're not going home."

"We're not. Then where might I ask are we going?"

Scully was still a little agitated by the fact that Mulder was hiding
something from her. He was up to something, and damned if she wasn't going
to find out what it was.

"You'll see."

"Mulder. I'm tired, and I just want to go home to sleep. It's been a long
day."

"But we haven't celebrated yet."

"Celebrated? What did we just do?"

"That was dinner with your family. Did we celebrate something and I missed
it?"

"Mulder, would you please tell me what's going on?"

"Nope."

"No. Will you tell me where we're going?"

"Sure."

"Well?" Scully said raising her eyebrows.

"Well what?

"Where are we going?!"

"Oh...To the office."

"To the office?" Scully shouted surprised. "Why on earth are we going
there?"

"Oh, I can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"I can't tell you that either, Scully. Don't worry. You'll see soon
enough."

"Scully sat back exasperated. She was getting even more tired by the
minute.

**********************************************************************

11:21pm

"OK Mulder, now will you tell me please what we're doing here?"

"Just a second Scully. Here," he said pulling her chair out to the middle
of the room, and placing his chair so that it was facing hers. "Sit down."

Scully looked at him warily, but sat as he asked and as she sat down, he
took a seat in his chair. He rolled his chair closer so that they were
barely separated and took her hands in his.

"Scully, I need to talk to you about something."

Oh no, Scully thought, something's wrong. He's too serious all of a sudden.

"Mulder, What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Mulder replied smiling. "Nothing is wrong Scully. I just...I need
to tell you something."

"Go on."

"When I first started on the X-Files, as you know, I worked alone. I
preferred it that way because I could come and go as I pleased, and I
didn't have anyone to tell what I was doing. Except of course, for my
superiors. Then you came a long. At first, I didn't know what to think. I
thought you were a spy."

"Mulder, I know all of this already..."

"Patience, Scully, patience."

"Sorry."

"Anyway...through the years that we've worked together Scully, I've come to
trust you more then I have ever trusted anyone in my entire life. I trust
you with my life and you have never let me down. You have always been there
for me, putting yourself in harms way in the process, risking your
relationship with your family, especially Bill, and loosing your sister and
a daughter. I...I don't know anyone who would do that...except you. You have
fought for almost 7 years now, by my side not because you believe in my
beliefs, but because you believe that whatever the truth is, it is out
there, and you want to find it, as I do. You have no idea, what an amazing
person you are."

"Mulder..."

"Wait, please Scully, let me finish. Last year, I told you that you make me
a whole person. I told you that I didn't think that I could continue on my
quest without you. Well, that holds true still today, but it also holds
true in the sense that I can't imagine my life without you. I don't want
to. You make me a better person, a better FBI agent, and a better man. I
brought you here tonight Scully, because this is where we first met, and
that's a day that I never want to forget, and I want to spend the rest of
my life with you, starting today." Mulder paused to take a small velvet box
out of his pocket. "Scully, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Scully just sat there in shock, tears running down her face. She knew that
Mulder love her, but she never thought that he wanted to marry her. Not so
soon after they'd finally admitted their feelings for each other.

"Mulder..." she gasped. "We just started really dating."

"Scully, I have spent at least the last five years denying how I have felt
about you, not only to you, but to myself. I don't want to do it anymore.
We've been dating for a long time. We just never admitted it. Everyone else
saw it when we didn't. I don't want to date you anymore. I want to marry
you. I want to be with you forever."

Scully took the box and opened it. Inside was the most beautiful diamond
solitaire that she'd ever seen. It was classic and classy.

"It's beautiful." Scully breathed.

"Just like you."

Scully looked up at Mulder, tears shinning in her eyes. She handed the box
back to Mulder.

"Scully...?" Mulder asked, doubt and fears swimming in his eyes.

"Mulder, I thought that maybe you'd want to put it on me."

Mulder nearly passed out. He let out the breath that he hadn't known he'd
been holding and carefully taking the ring out of the box, he placed it on
Scully's finger.

"Scully, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Mulder. I will."

***************************************************************************

End of Part 9

***************************************************************************

Ties That Bind Part 10 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman



Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R

Date: June 6, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All
characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created out of
my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow force
him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

***************************************************************************

It all had begun almost eight years ago. It had begun without them knowing
it, the events that had brought them to where they were now. It had all
begun with one decision, made by a young woman who would forever change the
life of one man, a man who would do the same for her. Together, they would
change the lives of many, but first, they had to change their own. One
thought ran through her head as she stood in the dressing room gazing at
her own image in the mirror, words that were spoken to her in a long past
moment of fear and uncertainty. "You never know who you're going to meet at
the FBI." She hadn't known the truth of those words at that moment. That
simple little sentence that hinted to her all that was to come. So much had
changed in those eight years. So much had been lost, but still so more had
been gained, friendship, knowledge, validation, and most of all love.

Scully still looked at herself in the mirror. Imagining that she was
looking at her sister, she said a silent prayer.

"Missy...you were so right...about many things, but one in particular. You told
me often that I was closed off, that I never let anyone in. I knew you were
right then, but I couldn't admit it. Instead I'd get angry with you because
it was the only true reaction that I could have. You also told me that the
people I'd meet would change my life, and I theirs. Sometimes I wonder if
you weren't truly psychic...if such a thing exists. I miss you so much
Melissa. I wish you were here. I know you saw how Mulder and I felt for
each other. It seems it was obvious to everyone but us. Why is that? I'm so
happy right now Melissa. I know that God is shinning down on Mulder and me.
We finally found our happiness...in each other. Two lost souls who found
their way in their union."

Scully closed her eyes and smiled. She turned around at the feel of a hand
on her shoulder, but no one was there. She could smell the faint hint of
jasmine in the air; it was how Melissa always smelled. Scully smiled.

"I love you too, Missy."
**************************************************************************

Sunday, November 7, 1999

St. Mary's Church

11:00am

Scully stood just outside the doors waiting for them to tell her it was
time to walk. Each time that the doors would open, she'd peek down the
aisle to catch a glimpse of him. He looked absolutely stunning. Scully
glanced at the man standing beside Mulder. She still couldn't believe that
he'd asked him to be his best man, although he looked like he was having
the time of his life. Skinner looked dashing in his tuxedo but he couldn't
compare to Mulder, her soon to be husband. She wondered if she'd still call
him Mulder. Then she laughed. She couldn't imagine ever calling him Fox. It
didn't seem like it fit him. He was more unique then that, and Fox was
definitely unique. No. It would forever be Mulder. She remembered back to
the first time that she tried to call him Fox. He'd laughed nervously and
told her that he had even made his parents call him Mulder. She'd never
tried to call him anything else again. She also remembered the conversation
they'd had, and it played again in her mind.

"Scully...if there's and iced tea in that bag...could be love."

"Must be fate Mulder..."

Maybe it was fate that had brought them together, and maybe even back then,
she had loved him.

"Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone but you."

Scully smiled.

"What are you smiling at?"

Scully looked up into warm eyes. They were eyes that mirrored her own
happiness.

"Just thinking about how happy I am."

"Seeing you happy makes me happy. I'm so proud of you Dana."

Scully was about to respond when the doors opened, and it was her turn to
walk down the aisle. She took a deep breath as he placed his arm in hers
and together, She and Bill started the walk down the aisle.

***************************************************************************

Mulder stood there waiting for the doors to open so that he could see
Scully. From his vantage-point he couldn't see her when she peeked through
though she could see him. He briefly glanced at the person standing beside
him. He could still remember the AD's reaction when they told him that they
were getting married.

"Well it's about time."

"Excuse me sir?" Mulder and Scully had asked confused. The had been
expecting to be split up. They hadn't thought that marriage between
partners would be allowed.

"Scully, Mulder...for all of the talent and knowledge that you two have shown
over the past 61/2 years in your investigations, you could never see what
was in front of your own eyes and in your hearts, that which you let
everyone else see on a day to day basis."

"But sir," Scully said. "What about the rule against Agents getting
involved with each other?"

"Scully, that rule was made too keep agents from getting so attached to
their partners that it made them careless. With you two...you've been to hell
and back on numerous occasions and you always come back stronger. That rule
doesn't apply to you two. But..." He broke off looking at each one
separately, but longer and sterner at Mulder..."That rule against agents
consorting in a motel room while on case still applies!"

At that, they all broke into hysterical laughter.

Mulder Smiled to himself. He thought about all the times they'd been in
danger, and it was true...they'd always come back stronger. The first time
he'd lost her though, he thought he'd never be able to go on. He now knew
that he wouldn't have.

November 7, 1994...It was a day that would live in his mind forever. It was
the day that she had been returned to him after Duane Barry had taken her.
The day that he knew that if she never survived, he would go on if only to
kill the people who had put her in that condition. But she had survived,
and come back to him. And that was why he had chosen this day to get
married. November 7, 1999...it was the day that they'd seal their lives
together forever. They would truly be one, one heart...and one soul.

He only wished that Samantha were here. It was the one thing that could
make this day perfect. He missed her so much. Sometimes, he didn't know if
he believed that she was still alive, but she had to be. He'd know if she
weren't, he would feel it.

What was taking so long? Mulder looked at his watch for what must have been
the umpteenth time. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't
wait to see her. He knew that she'd be absolutely gorgeous in her White
gown, which would offset her hair beautifully, and accent her pail skin and
blue eyes.

Finally, the doors opened. Scully stood there, arm in arm with her
brother...and she took his breath away.

****************************************************************************

So here they both were she thought. Seven years after becoming partners,
perhaps five years after falling in love and they were finally crossing
that final bridge in their partnership and becoming truly partners, Husband
and wife. It didn't sound as strange as she had once thought. The thought
of becoming Mrs. Mulder...Mrs. Spooky only brought her smiles.

"Are you happy?" Mulder asked from beside her.

"Oh Mulder...I am so unbelievably happy." She whispered still smiling.

"I'm glad. I only want happiness for you."

"Mulder...even in the worst times over the past seven years, I was happy
because you were there. You were with me."

"I love you so much Scully."

"I love you too. Now shhh...the man's speaking." She said gesturing toward
Father McCue.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" Father McCue began.

"I do." Replied Bill and then placing a brief hand on Scully's shoulder
went to take his seat beside his mother and brother.

Knowing Scully must be thinking of her sister right now, he whispered.
"She's hear, Scully...watching over you and I believe she's happy. I can feel
her around us." And he could.

"I know," she said. "I can feel her too."

"I have known Dana for all of her life..." Father McCue continued. "I have
watched her grow from a little girl into a beautiful young woman and the
wonderful person she is. I have counseled her when she needed it and she's
helped me as well as many others in this world. I have known this man, Fox
for a shorter time but in that time I have come to see that he is every bit
as wonderful as this woman is, compassionate and loving, I can see that he
cares for this woman deeply. I've seen it since we first met a couple of
years ago, and I see it still now."

Mulder and Scully looked at each other. "I have always loved you Scully."
Mulder said. "I will always love you. I could never love anyone else. You
have my heart, and you have my soul. Scully, you are my soul mate. I feel
it, and I'm as sure of it as I am that you are standing here with me. We'll
always be together, souls mate eternal."

"Mulder...If there is reincarnation...then I believe it too. Even before I
loved you, I felt a bond between us. Even that first day when I first met
you, I felt that our partnership was right. It was true. I had never felt
that sure about anything before in my life. I was even unsure about joining
the FBI. But I've never had any doubts about us. I've never had any doubts
about you. You are my soul mate, eternally.

Smiling and with tears in their eyes they turned once more to the altar
where the father was still talking.

"So it is with pride and honor that I join together these two hearts, and
these two souls. May you two find only happiness in your life together."

"Thank you." They said in unison.

"Well then, if there be anyone who objects to this union, speak now or
forever hold your peace."

"The ring please." Skinner stepped forward and handed Mulder the shinny
gold band. He turned to Scully and looked deep into her eyes. "Do you, Fox
William Mulder, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and
to hold, to honor and to cherish, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in
heath as long as you both shall live and till death do you part?"

"I do." He said placing the ring on her finger. He took her hands in his
and she squeezed them.

Beth stepped forward next and gave Scully the matching band for his finger.

"Do you, Dana Katherine Scully, take this man to be your lawfully wedded
husband to have and to hold, to honor and to cherish, for rich or for poor,
in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live and till death do
you part?"

"I do." She said, placing the ring on his finger as he had hers. They
stared at each other for long moments, as if they were never going to see
each other again. He wanted to remember how she looked at this moment. She
was so happy right now. He never wanted this happiness to end, and with
her, he knew it never would. It was as she had said. Even through all of
the hard times they'd suffered...they were happy because they were together.
And now they'd be together forever.

"With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. I believe
you know the rest."

It was just the two of them now. They were the only two people left in the
world it seemed. All they could do was stare at each other and slowly,
never breaking eye contact, they moved in to one another. Mulder cupped her
face in his hands and as they kissed, Mulder could swear he heard the
angels singing.





The End



**************************************************************************

But don't fear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is an epilogue coming.



*************************************************************************

 Ties That Bind- Epilogue

By Stephanie Feldman



Archive: Anywhere...just ask first

Rating: NC17 for sex, sex and more sex.

Classification: MSR, RST

Date: June 15, 1999

Spoilers: See part 1

Disclaimers:

Mulder and Scully, belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money. All
characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created from my
own imagination.

Summary: Mulder and Scully are finally married...LET'S GET IT ON! (It's
honeymoon time!)

Note: This portion of the story contains material that is NC17 in nature.
If you are not of legal age...(17 in this case) Do not read this part. I take
no blame in corrupting young minds.

Pure mind candy follows.

******************************************************************************

A remote island somewhere in the world

(yes...this world) 

Scully slowly opened her eyes. She felt wonderful. She couldn't remember a
time in her life when she felt better. It was like everything was finally
falling into place. True, everything was the same as it always had been...the
conspiracies were still present and growing, it seemed, and she and Mulder
were constantly in danger, but they were together. They were married. She
turned the word over in her mind for a few minutes letting it's meaning
fully sink in, and then she turned over onto her left side to see Mulder
snuggled up close to her, a peaceful smile playing across his face,
eyelashes fluttering slightly as he dreamed. The light streaming in through
the window glanced off him playfully, highlighting that one lock of hair
that was forever hanging down over his forehead. She gently brushed it
aside and as she did so his lids slowly opened and his eyes found hers. He
looked at her tenderly and she leaned forward and placed one long kiss on
his lips. He brought his hands up to cup her face and deepened the kiss and
then easily and with no thought moved on top of her. They hadn't made love
yet since that first night when circumstances saw fight to stop them. After
their flight the previous day they'd been too exhausted and just went to
sleep. Plus, Mulder could tell that Scully still didn't think that he was
ready. But he was. And this time he was sure about it.

But Scully stopped him. "Mulder...

"Scully...I'm ready. I'm perfectly fine." He said smiling down on her,
bending down to kiss the tip of her nose.

"But Mulder are you sure?" She asked uncertainly, remembering the last time
she asked him this same question. She couldn't bare to see him go through
that again. And she wouldn't be able to take it.

"I'm positive." Mulder assured, still smiling.

"Mulder, if it's ok...I think you should take it easy. Come on now...I'm a
doctor." Scully said rolling out from under him and standing up.

"Scully..." Mulder started tiredly. "I said I'm fine." Mulder turned around
to find Scully standing there staring at him with her hands on her hips...and
she was naked.

"Scully?"

"Mulder...now as your personal doctor, I say that you need a lot of bed rest.
After all...the past few days have been incredibly stressful, what with last
minute wedding arrangements, the wedding itself, of course, and the plain
ride...very stressful." Scully finished shaking her head. She walked over to
Mulder who was just sitting there, mouth agape staring at her. She pushed
him gently back so that his head was resting on the pillow and climbed over
him. "Now just lie back..." she teased..."and let Dr. Scully take care of
everything."

"Yes Doctor." Mulder choked out. "What else to you recommend?"

"Well...I think that your muscles need to relax. You seem kind of tense all
of a sudden. I suggest, a deep muscle massage and...let's see," Scully
paused, sitting back on Mulder's upper thighs, lips pursed. "I think that
lots and lots of kisses are in order."

"Sounds like a game plan doctor. How do you propose we begin?"

"Well, it looks as if someone's begun already!" Scully replied looking
down.

Mulder followed her eyes and smiled. "Yeah, um...Spooky has been ready for a
while now."

"Hmmm...I see." Said Scully. "Well, we mustn't keep him waiting too much
longer." She said raising her eyebrows. "I suggest we start with the kisses
and move on to the massage from there." Then, as if in slow motion, Scully,
placing her hands and legs on either side of him moved up and started
placing soft kisses on him. First his lips, and then down slowly over his
chest, curling her fingers in the light fluff of hair growing in the middle
of his chest.

Mulder groaned at the feel of her soft lips as they blazed a trail of fire
down his chest and then down farther to his stomach. He reached down to run
his hands through her hair. He had to touch her. He wanted to taste her,
and to feel himself inside her. He wanted to hear her groan as the fire
built inside of her.

"Scully..." he moaned.

"Mmm..." she said looking up. She had a devilish smile on her face. "Tasty."

Then she looked down again and set her sights on her next course of
action...the massage.

Mulder closed his eyes in bliss as Scully gently took hold of his penis in
her petite hands and slowly started the massage. Scully looked up to see
his head thrown back slightly, and Mulder biting his lower lip. Mulder felt
Scully start to run her finger tips up and down the shaft of his penis,
then up and over the head swirling the little bit of pre-cum around. Then
all movement stopped and he felt her entire hand go around him. He opened
his eyes in time to see her lowering her head as she took him into her
mouth. He through back his head again as he felt his hips rise off of the
bed, almost of their own accord, pushing farther into heaven. He felt her
tongue as it moved around the base of his penis and then up to the tip as
her fingers had before. Blinding flashes of light shot through his head at
the feel of the sandpapery texture of her tongue. No, he thought. He was
getting to the point of no return and he didn't want it to be like this. He
wanted to be inside her when he came. He wanted her to know what she does
to him. He wanted her to feel it.

"Scully...wait." He pleaded.

But before he could stop her, she moved her hand down and gently squeezed
his balls.

Mulder's hips shot up and his eyes popped open. He was hanging on by barely
a thread.

"Scully, stop!"

Scully looked up worried. Had she pushed him too far?

"What Mulder, what's wrong?"

"Not like this...inside...I want to be inside you." Mulder managed to get out.

Scully smiled. Well why didn't you say so? She joked.

Mulder just glared at her, but before she could do anything, he lunged at
her. Scully cried out as Mulder took a hold of her shoulders and flipped
her over so that he was on top.

"Mulder!" She shouted laughing.

"So, Scully...would you say that you're head over heels for me?" He asked
smiling.

"I'd say you're heads above the rest."

Mulder groaned. "That was really bad, Scully."

"No worse then your usual, Mulder," Scully replied as she brushed her
stomach up against his penis.

Mulder groaned again, and with one swift movement he was inside her. Scully
sighed at the feel of him filling her. It was true. They were made for each
other. It was so right. She was complete now. For the first time in her
life, everything felt right.

She heard Mulder sigh and she looked into his eyes. He was looking at her
with so much love it was almost over-whelming.

"Scully..."

"I know Mulder. I love you too."

They smiled and then with agonizing slowness, Mulder moved out and then
back in. Then out and back in again, still at the same slow pace. They were
still looking in each other's eyes. Mulder bent down and placed a kiss on
her nose, and Scully reached up and rapped her arms around his neck. They
kissed long and hard, still keeping up the same pace. Scully moved her hips
up to meet his with each thrust and still they never broke eye contact. He
wanted to watch her face as she came, and he wanted her to see how he saw
her in his eyes, beautiful, intelligent, strong, and passionate.

They were both breathing heavily now and it was becoming increasingly
difficult to maintain the slow pace. Mulder wanted it to last forever. He
never wanted this feeling to end. He took Scully's face in his hands and
she moved her hands around his waste, pulling him closer. Then, she wrapped
her legs around his hips, bringing him deeper inside her.

"Scully..." he groaned. He couldn't hold on any longer. He had to speed up
the pace. He felt like he was about to burst into a million pieces.

"Mulder...it's ok...let go. Just let go."

Scully gasped as Mulder thrust hard into her speeding up the rhythm, and
she sped up to meet him. Scully was climbing just as fast as Mulder was and
it was becoming harder by the second to prolong the inevitable. Scully felt
Mulder speed up even more as his body began to shudder with the oncoming
orgasm. She was not far behind.

Mulder couldn't hold out any longer. He felt the waves of the Orgasm as
rippled up through his groin. Squeezing both his eyes shut he grunted as he
thrust once more into her and he was soaring. He felt Scully come almost
immediately after him and soon they were falling together. Mulder sank back
down to the bed and as they both got their breathing under control, he
rolled both of them over so that they could be face to face without him
crushing her. They were still joined.

Mulder forced his eyes open to look at her.

There was a thin sheen of sweat covering her face and darkening her
hairline. She was glistening like fresh snow in the sunlight. There was a
look of pure pleasure on her face, and he smiled. He wrapped his arms
around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

Scully could feel him smiling into her chest. She snaked her arms around
him and pulled him closer still.

Mulder pulled away from Scully just enough so that he could look at her. He
found that she was looking at him.

"See Mulder...I told you that all you needed was some bed rest."

"Scully, that kind of bed rest could put me in traction."

Scully burst out laughing. Then they kissed again.

Scully pulled a way after a minute. "Excuse me a second Mulder. I have to
go use the little Dr.'s room."

"Scully...you're not going to put on that green shit again are you?"

Scully looked at Mulder confused. "Green...oh! The face mask?" She asked
remembering the case when they had to go undercover as a married couple.
How ironic she thought.

"Yea. The face mask." Mulder replied nervously.

"What, you didn't like it?"

Mulder shuddered.

"No Mulder," Scully laughed. "No face mask. Just going to the bathroom."

Mulder sighed relieved. Things like that would give him a heart attack
someday, he thought.

Scully came back not five minutes later and crawled back into bed. She
looked over at the clock. 11:21am.

"You know Mulder, we slept for 10 hours last night and I'm still
exhausted..." She joked yawning in the process.

"Gee, Scully...wonder why." He said laughing.

Scully smiled and turned to Mulder.

"Remember when we were on that case last year, when we had to pretend we
were married?" When Mulder nodded, she continued. "Remember what you said
to Shroeder?"

When Mulder looked at her confused, she turned over so that her back was
facing him and scooted back so that her body was curled up inside of his.
She wrapped his arms around her stomach.

"Oh...that." He said smiling. "We just spooned up like little baby cats and
fell asleep."

And they did.





. THE END .



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