From: "Joylynn Wing" Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 10:56:35 -0500 Subject: New: "A Time to Love." 1 of 1 by Joylynn Wing Source: xff Title: "A Time to Love." Author: Joylynn Wing Rating: PG 13 for a few choice words and an adult situation. Category: VSRA Keyword: Post epi, MSR Summary: Living is finite; loving is eternal. This is a Millennium post epi. Archive: Spookys, Gossamer, ATXC... Anywhere. Disclaimer: Scully and Mulder belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox. No infringement intended. Feedback: I live for it. Please make my holidays. Email this starving writer at aljoyw@a-znet.com Author's note: I would like to give credit where credit is due. My thanks to Starryeyes and Rotem Shahar; the dynamic beta tag team. Your read through was invaluable. My special thanks to Trace, my ever attentive lead beta. Your word for word advice and analysis is so appreciated. Without you, I would have probably never posted this story. Last, but certainly not least, to my biggest fan Nat. You saved me. Your constant encouragement and constructive criticism pulled me from the dark place to stand in the light. "Time is... Too slow for those who wait, Too swift for those who fear, Too long for those who grieve, Too short for those who rejoice; But for those who love, time is not." Henry Van Dyke An Emergency waiting room was hardly Scully's idea of a romantic place for a first kiss. However, considering their unique relationship, she wouldn't expect it any other way. She glanced over at the man across from her. His growing apprehension was making her more nervous by the minute. She could tell Mulder was already questioning his action, his low self esteem was tearing away at the very foundations which they were just beginning to lay. She knew that things between them had seemed slightly awkward just after they had kissed, but why wouldn't it be. After seven years of denial, the dance still had to be choreographed. Scully had to admit it hadn't been the 'right' time for her. This year the holidays had been somewhat melancholy. The events that had transpired over the past few months had sorely tested her faith in a higher power. Her 'ship' in the sand had given her answers but at the same time had posed many more questions. She found herself lost and confused. Everything that she had ever believed in had been ripped out from under her feet. Then there was the matter of Emily and of her family. The holidays had become a time of grief and acceptance for the 'normal' life which she knew that she would never know. It wasn't that she was unhappy with her life as she knew it, but at times like these, she couldn't help but wonder 'what if'. However, as her mother had told her once, "You can't plan the right time for special moments; they just happen. You just have to accept them as the gift they are." Scully did just that. She learned to take the good with the bad. She had chosen the path that she had taken. Freely, without reservation. True, it was the path less traveled, but it made it more worth while in the long run. She knew that they needed to talk about this next step that they had taken in their relationship. They were embarking upon a brave new world, and they needed to face it together. After nearly losing him once again, it was time to stop running, for both of them. For if they didn't, she knew from past experience that they would both deal with it as they had with other monumental moments; denial and avoidance. Someone needed to make the first move, before the bricks were mortared back into place, and it looked as if she needed to be the one. "Mulder, we need to talk." Scully declared firmly as she quickly pulled the car out of the hospital parking lot where Mulder had received care for his injuries. As she skillfully weaved the car out into traffic, the steering wheel's curves smooth and cool under her touch, the full moon of the New Year granted them accordance for the moment at hand. The moon's ubiquitous presence glimmered brightly on the windshield before them, a celebration of life renewing. "Oh God. I am sorry, " Mulder replied as he lowered his head in supplication. What he had feared worst was happening. The world was going to end after all. It was not going to end in fire and brimstone as the wayward members of the Millennium group believed, but in the whimper of his broken heart. "I...I...I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to...I didn't...." Mulder shook his head, disappointment filling his soul with sundering grief. When he had kissed her just a few moments ago, it had been the most important moment of his life. It had been the culmination of seven years of sexual tension and well placed innuendo. But it had also been more than that, much more than that. It had been the first step on a very long journey that they had been on for quite a while, one that they had seemed destined to be on *together*. When they had touched lips, the earth had moved for him and he had seen heaven right before his eyes for the very first time. From what he had seen of her reaction, he had thought that it had been good for her also. However instead of the 'fireworks' that he had always imagined, things had seemed more uncomfortable than before, so Mulder wasn't sure what to think. As a result, he just wished that the earth would open up and consume him so he wouldn't have to face the mess that he had made. Mulder reached over with his uninjured, trembling hand and adjusted the heat. Not so much to warm the car, since the weather was quite mild, but in a futile move to try to rid himself of the cutting chill which had invaded his soul. Taking in a deep breath, he found his burning senses filled with Scully's overwhelming presence. Just being with her had previously been enough but he wasn't so sure it would be now. Mulder leaned his dark head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. His local anesthetic, administered earlier, was wearing off. He wasn't sure which pain was worse, his stitches or his now betrayed heart. Scully looked over at him, the tension was etched deeply into his golden features: Fine lines gently creased the corners of his hooded eyes, his strong brow furrowed deeply in thought. "Mulder, its ok. I'm not sorry." Scully reached over and placed her hand on his, squeezing it gently. Full ruby red lips parted to reveal a shy smile touched with perfect white teeth. "Mulder, it must have been a while since you kissed someone since you obviously don't seem to recognize when a woman seems to be enjoying herself." "So I can assume that you are not going to bring me up on charges for sexual harassment?" Mulder chuckled softly in relief, a ring of hope in its husky tones. The joyous sound of his laughter filled the car with a celestial celebration of its very own. Within the thick darkness of the car, her profile was shrouded by the colors of the night. Suddenly a flash of headlights revealed her smile, and a second deluge of relief oscillated through every cell of his body. "Hardly..." Scully replied as Mulder watched her smile grow wider; a star breaking through the interminable dark of his lost soul. She was his guiding star; a way by which to chart his journey home. She reached up and pushed her hair from her face, revealing the scabbed, bright red scratches which adorned the delicate line of her neck. About those marks, he could see the tell tale beginnings of bruises which resembled handprints. Another wave of guilt rushed over him, making him look down at his lap out of the knowledge that he was not worthy of gazing upon her countenance. She had been the only one that had ever given a damn about him, yet his quest - his crusade - caused Scully to be hurt the most. Mulder picked off a small bit of lint from his T-shirt, feeling about as small and worthless as the material that he held tightly in his fingers. Visions of Scully, covered in the bright red veil of her own blood, lying on the floor of that cold morgue filled his own darkening thoughts. He had agreed that she should go there, knowing full well that he would be halfway across the county where he couldn't help her if he needed to do so. He had thought sending her to the morgue had been the lesser of two evils, but now he knew it hadn't been. Scully felt the tension rise once again and she glanced over out of the corner of her eye; his forlorn appearance and distant eyes betrayed his cool exterior. She knew him so well, if it wasn't one thing it was another. Guilt was something that he wore all too frequently. "Mulder, I'm fine. This was my choice...my decision. This is as much my life's work as it is yours." Scully once again squeezed his hand, but this time with a little more strength. She rubbed her thumb over his strong knuckles, letting the warmth soak into her still shell-shocked interior. After she had seen the dead being not so dead, she wasn't sure if she would be 'fine' again. Now she knew what Stephen King had meant when he had said, "Sometimes dead is better." Mulder looked up and smiled, her reassurance more than enough for now. She never ceased to amaze him; like the deepest seas, still waters did run deep. "Better than you expected or better than you hoped?" Mulder waggled his brows, shifting around uncomfortably in the seat. The torn skin on his arm burning deeply more than even he would admit. Mulder took a quick glance down at the pristine bandages that his arm was wrapped in. The barely noticeable indications of seeping blood were just coming to the surface. Now normally one would be upset by this, but Mulder being as used to injury as he was didn't even give it another thought. He suppressed a wince that threatened to come to the surface. He didn't want to upset Scully. She didn't deserve that. Instead he focused on looking at the beautiful woman across from him, knowing she would be more than enough of a distraction. And what a distraction she was, for right before his eyes a bright blush stole over her delicate features. It flushed her face, and crept down the graceful lines of her neck, rivaling the scratches that resided there. As a result, he found himself aroused by the action. 'My, my.... This is a night of firsts.' He had seen the occasional hints of oncoming blushes, but they had never really been given life. He liked this side of her. Enigmatic didn't cut it. "Scully?" Mulder teased mercilessly. He reached over and gripped her thigh, startling her slightly. His arm continued to throb, but with his mission set, he wouldn't relent until he had his answers. This opportunity was too good to pass up. This was what they were about; partnership at it very best. "It was nice..." Scully lowered her head and turned it slightly, as she maneuvered a tight corner through quickly increasing traffic flow. Scully didn't know how to respond. How could she possibly tell him that she had literally melted into a hormonally driven, sex-crazed woman with just his simple touch. How could she possibly tell him that his mere presence made her want to throw him to the ground and do him right there. And how could she possibly tell him, that the simple kiss that they had shared could never be enough, she wanted...no needed more.... "Nice? It was just nice? You're killing me here Scully!" Mulder leaned back and closed his eyes. What an understatement... What *did* she want of him? Had she wanted him to literally sweep her off her feet? Or was she just too embarrassed to share how she felt? A thousand questions ran through his mind, and he wasn't sure which one to address. Mulder opened his eyes, and leaned towards her. "Nice, huh? Somehow I was expecting more than a simple nice." Mulder reached over and trailed his forefinger down the gentle curve of her face, her skin trembling under his touch. Scully glanced firmly into his gaze, tilting her head just enough to see the road before her. "It was nice... But after seven years, I do believe that you can do better...much better...." With the gauntlet thrown down, she gripped the wheel tightly in her grasp, her knuckles growing white under the intense pressure. She couldn't believe that she had just said that. She struggled to keep a straight face when she was going to surrender it right then and there. She didn't want to give Mulder anymore to work with, since she had already said quite enough. 'What the hell do you think you are doing? Nice girls don't do that.' Her logical, controlled voice offered. But her passionately wild side screamed 'fuck, nice. After seven years I'm entitled to a real kiss.' Mulder narrowed his dark eyes and growled lustfully, "that's for damn sure. Pull this car over right now." Mulder licked his lips predatorily, and let out a soft breath. 'Now that is more like it. I should have known. This is Scully. She would expect more of you.' Mulder leaned over and trailed his fingers down the length of her neck, the warm flesh pulsing beneath his with the beat of her heart. Scully's heart nearly jumped into her throat with those harshly uttered words. Blood that once circulated through her body freely, dropped south. The throbbing was just enough to remind her how long it had been since she had been properly kissed. Had she ever been properly kissed? She wasn't even sure. Scully veered the car determinedly towards the side of the road, barely missing several parked cars. She could barely catch her breath, her palms were beginning to get damp. Adrenaline rushed through her in heated waves, making her feel slightly dizzy and very disoriented 'Get a hold of yourself woman -you're not a school girl virgin- it's just Mulder.' Logic attempted to argue, but passion shut the door on that line of reasoning and prepared to make good on its challenge. She slammed the car into park, their bodies lurching violently under the momentum. Two hearts beat as one, two souls sharing the same place and time. Soul mates now reunited, as it should be. The universe at its most balanced, light and dark reunited as one. As she looked over; eyes glazed, lips full and wet, Mulder's hungry gaze met hers. Two bodies moved towards one another, a collision course charted life times before. Mulder reached over and twisted his free hand into the back of her hair, forcing her lips to crush passionately to his. Hot sweet breath tickled the curve his cheek; silken flesh beneath his trembling. Mulder used his lips to tug on her upper one, and as he released it he stroked her lower one with a flick of his tongue. Hearing her keen softly, he pulled back just enough to veer his head slightly, and opened his mouth just enough to allow his tongue to brush against the upper curve of her lip. Then with enticing design, he nibbled it gently. After seven years of denial and repression, Scully wanted more. This teasing -though nice- just served to fuel the fires of her soul; she wanted that real kiss and she meant to get it. She leaned forward, mouth pressing voraciously against his, her silky moist tongue carefully begging entry. Their tongues met -embraced- and Scully trembled in response. She reached up, wrapped her arms around his strong neck and entwined her fingers into his dark thick hair, crushing her breasts to his chest. Hoo-boy, could *he* do better! Mulder was lost from that moment their tongues had finally met. Mulder fervently delved her luscious lips; he ran his tongue across her teeth, along the top of the roof of her mouth, and along the silken walls of his newly found utopia. He found himself exploring deeper and deeper, her tongue meeting his with equal intensity and inquisitiveness. She tasted just as he had imagined, like life...like home. He wanted to go on forever but the combination of their passion and the intense heat inside of the car motivated Mulder to pull his mouth from hers. He indulged in one last nibble on her bottom lip which elicited a loud whimper in response before he released her. He knew the future lay ahead of them, so this wouldn't be their last kiss. They stared at one another, as time stood still, breaths desperate and uneven. Their journey was finally complete; they were home. "Mulder, that was...." Scully stammered breathlessly. She wanted to tell him how she felt but mere words could not do justice to what had just transpired between them. She lowered her forehead to his, hiding her face from his view. It had never been like this before. A kiss had never had the power to render her utterly speechless. However, she had always somehow known that with Mulder it would be like this. The way that he lived every moment of his life on the edge; the way he pursued his quest indicated as much. Passion never dies; it just takes different guises. Mulder reached up with his good hand and pushed her shoulder back gently so as to study her gaze. He wasn't going to let her run away from this -from them- like they had for so many years. The time was now, and he planned to make the most of it. "I agree," he replied as he smiled brightly, his lips swollen and red from her attentions. Mulder's mind was also quite lost. He could still smell her, taste her on him and it took everything that he had not to grab her and kiss her again. But unconditional love and respect won out and he held himself with an iron grip. He needed to know how she was feeling, how she felt about them, about this... "So why now Scully?" Mulder brought his fingers up to caress the line of her upper lip, the lipstick which she had been wearing smeared thin and uneven. He had always loved those luscious lips, those supple petals were more than once featured in his most ardent of fantasies. He often watched her, just to see her nibble on the plump lower one, as she did when she was nervous or perplexed. Scully let out a ragged breath, her heart pounding so hard that she could swear that it would explode within her chest. "I guess that it was just our time. We have been in this holding pattern for so long that I guess something finally had to give." She leaned away from his firm touch, trying to get a hold of her swirling thoughts. Though she loved feeling like this, so out of control and wanton, she knew that they still had quite a bit to work through. "But after 7 years?" Mulder countered as he reached over and took her now cool hand in his. Touch, the most simple of communication. Their touches had always been well planned and subtle by necessity, a means of reconnecting with one another in a non-threatening way. Each every one had meaning to them both, from the simple chin lift to the hand at the small of her back. "Well, I *had* hoped that it would be sooner." Scully lowered her eyes from his, her honesty too much to acknowledge for the moment. " Several times in fact. The last time being when I became sick. I thought that it was going to happen then." She then looked into his eyes, his strength filling her with resolve. "But you seemed so lost," Scully continued as she brought her hand up to gently stroke the stubble-graced line of his face. "Your purpose was gone, the fire extinguished. Your world had crashed down about you and then after Gibson Praise...the hallway...." Scully's words trailed off into the awaiting silence and she lowered her eyes once more not wanting to continue any further. Mulder knew what she was insinuating. "Diana," Mulder interjected as he exhaled in realization, remorseful for not sharing with her his past relationship with Diana after the aborted kiss in the hallway. 'What the hell was I thinking?' But he did know what he was thinking. He had been so angry; depressed and disappointed after they had lost the X-files. Diana then had been assigned the X-files, and seemed supportive of his quest so he had leaned towards her instead of Scully in his time of need. "I would rather not talk about her, Mulder." Scully leaned back against her car seat, crossing her slight arms across her chest. She lowered her chin to her chest, wincing slightly with the pulling on her raw, tender flesh. She knew that Diana had been instrumental in saving his life, but she could never forgive the woman for what she had done to both of them. "I should have told you.... About her, about us...." Mulder pulled back, raising his face to look out at the world passing by them. By now his arm was throbbing, its rhythm painfully coinciding with every beat of his heart. For now he could still ignore it, he didn't want to interrupt the flow of the conversation. Scully actually opening up to him was a novelty at best so his was a small sacrifice to make. Party-goers were just starting to make their way home, their headlights flickering softly across the steamed windows of the car. "I just didn't want to hurt you," Mulder continued as he reached up and squeezed his once again throbbing arm with his free hand. His distraction quite quelled for the moment as his wounds continued making their presence known. "You were still recovering...it was so soon after your illness and after Antarctica.... But I ended up hurting you anyway." "Yes, you did... but it was also my fault." Scully turned to face him, making sure that he knew that she didn't blame him. She took a deep breath, letting the scent of his cologne, the undertones of coffee and Mulder surround her with a sense of deep comfort. "I let her get to me. I let her make me question my place, my meaning in your life. I let my own insecurities play into her game." As she spoke she had stressed every 'let' as to make her point very clear. Her eyes glowed brightly with the lights about them, her hair gleamed softly about her pale features. "Jesus, Scully. I never meant to make you question yourself. That was a bad professional decision on my part. This...we...are personal." Mulder tilted his head, his face conveying sincere honesty. He looked into those fathomless eyes of hers, and even with the tussled hair and smeared make-up, he had never seen her look so beautiful. She literally stole his breath away. "I just was so shocked to see her, she had left me so abruptly, without warning. I had a lot to work through, concerning how I felt about her and what you and I meant to one another." Mulder took his hand from his arm and placed it tenderly on her trouser clad thigh. "Never question how much you mean to me. When you came into my life..." Mulder's voice trembled, tears glittering brightly in the dim light. Mulder reached over and stroked the silken fire of her hair. Such a strong woman, a controlled woman yet she was all curves and sweetness. "I didn't want a repeat of her," Mulder continued, his voice hushed and low. "But not only did you invade my life, you invaded my mind, body and soul. To me you are everything beautiful and good in this miserable world and that scared me..." "Mulder..." Scully offered as she reached up touched his hand with hers gently. The love she felt for him conveyed in her tone and action. "You weren't the only one that was scared." Scully lowered her face and looked up nervously with her eyes, "I have never known someone so passionate about everything that they do. You're so focused, so single-minded...to even consider having that directed at me, scared the hell out of me. And to possibly consider opening up to you...I think that scared me even more. I'm not good with sharing that side of myself." Blue eyes searched his face for understanding, knowing her would never judge her harshly. Unconditional acceptance was the cornerstone of their partnership. "So where do we go from here?" Mulder smiled, hazel eyes glimmering with a fire that would never be quenched; good things only got better with time and they were no exception. "Forward together...as we always have...." Scully smiled as she blushed slightly once again in awkwardness, this wasn't going to be easy. But she then knew that anything ever worth having was worth the struggle. Mulder smiled back, and nodded affirmatively. This was the first step of many that they would make together, and that knowledge was more than enough for him. Scully turned the key, the car awaking from its slumber beneath them. She waited for a break and pulled the car out into the swelling traffic, her eyes carefully searching the night around them. "But this time there will be an added dimension to our relationship." "Speaking of which, Agent Scully...would you be interested in partaking of some exploration on this new dimension at say a nice little restaurant? I really don't think that we have properly rang in the new year." Mulder leaned back into his seat, his stomach grumbling loudly in the ensuing silence. As he concentrated for a moment, he noticed that his arm barely hurt. Of course, Scully always seemed to have a way of making things right and this was no exception. Dinner, Scully and a brand new year, what more could a man need? Scully glanced quickly over at him, a small smile painted like a bright sunrise across her features. Why had she ever been worried about taking the next step? The world didn't end. They were still the same. She lowered her face slightly and arched a brow teasingly. " Why Agent Mulder, I thought that you would never ask." Another year, another chance to make right your heart's fondest desire. Beneath the shimmering moon two heroes faced an uncertain future with hope. Time, for them was irrelevant. Living was finite; loving was eternal. So what do you think? Please let me know. My email is always open at aljoyw@a-znet.com