From: AuroraElixir Date: 18 Jul 2000 23:11:07 GMT Subject: NEW! Tortured Devotion by Lizzy From: Lizzy Date: July 2000 Title: Tortured Devotion Rating: PG Feedback: AuroraElixir@aol.com Spoilers: Requiem Keywords: Post-Requiem, V, S/A Summary: Nothing more than love could sustain this painful search for the one Scully adores most. Distribution: Drop me a note and keep my name on it! Author's Notes: I know^I know what you're thinking. I'm sorry, but I JUST HAD TO do the Post-Requiem fic! Yesterday I got the new Britney Spears CD "Oops!^I Did It Again" (hush, let me explain) and there is a beautiful track by the title of "Where Are You Now". And it's just so Scully POV that I had to let out my thinking in a Post-Requiem fic. The lyrics to the song are at the end of the fic. Feedback is a plus and am always glad to receive it so send it my way. Flames, unless constructive, will be used to put fire to the scary frogs outside my house. Enjoy!! 'X-Files' Disclaim: Is it really necessary? I mean, Chris, you do know that number one they're solely yours no matter what my cousin says and number two, I don't know how the hell I'm gonna pay you if you sue me so^jus-just get on with the show! Britney Spears Disclaim: Britney Spears and the song "Where Are You Now" are not property of Lizzy in any way and are property of Jive Records, Zomba Enterprises, and Cheiron Productions. They are used here only for entertainment purposes. No infringement is intended. "^I'm not going to risk^losing you^" "^It's not worth it, Scully^" "^There so much more you need to do with your life. There's so much more than this^" MULDER! I screamed his name as my upper body released itself from the horrible visions my nightmare protruded. My breathing was heavy and the sweat was trickling down my forehead. I can't help but cry at the images still lingering in my memory. Mulder^where are you^what are they doing to you? Why did they have to take you? Why?!?! God, I'm falling apart^get a grip Dana. I cried harder, as hard as I could handle, and pulled my legs up to my chin as much as my six-month pregnancy would let me. The tears wet my knees and my hot hands wrapped around my ankles. And through this my thoughts are still on Mulder. For half a year my anticipation in Mulder's return has given me nights like this^more than I care to remember. His voice haunts me everyday, every night, every hour, every minute. The way he spoke in my ear while we were making love is completely unforgettable. After my bitter confrontation with Daniel earlier that day, Mulder withdrew my pain and instead made me whole, replacing the missing pieces of my heart. My own whimpers are becoming audible to my ear. My teeth claw painfully into my knees and for a second I feel I might go deranged. The tears flow faster. Lord, help me! Help me save myself. *I can't save Mulder if I can't save myself* I think. I've slowly been loosing my dignity, my integrity. Even Skinner has told me I look more deteriorated. Since the day he came to the hospital and informed me on what happened at Oregon, the only thing that has kept me alive is the hope that soon he'll return to me^and the fact that I'm carrying his son in my womb. After telling Skinner about my pregnancy, all he could do was stare at me^then after it mearly sank in he began to ask me how it happened, how it could possibly be if I had my maternity taken away as a result of my abduction. And I told him I didn't know how^but that Mulder and I did make love that night. I thought it was only right. If he was helping me in my search for Mulder, he had to know that this child was his. Skinner believes what I believe, he's on my-on our side now-and he knows better than mentioning anything about the ongoing relationship between Mulder and I. But he knows. And if it's convenient for him at any moment that he needs to save his bald ass, he'll say it. To anyone, even to the haunted spirit of that Cigarette-Smoking Bastard. But she doesn't care, and she never will. It was all very much worth it. The delight and the satisfaction could never measure up to the night she had with Mulder. Now she needed to regain that satisfaction and the only way she could do it was finding Mulder. The days were lonely and the nights were pure torture from when the sunset came to when she rose crying to the sunrise again. She's had many nights like this where she just woke up to her own screams, her own shivers, and no one next to her to hold her and whisper to her that it would be alright. She was determined to regain that through her devotion^along with all the courage and strength she's lost along the way. Where Are You Now Interpreted by Britney Spears Calling out your name Your face is everywhere I'm reaching out to you To find that you're not there I wake up every night To see the state I'm in It's like an endless fight I never seem to win I can't go on as long as I believe Can't let go when I keep wondering Where are you now, what have you found Where is your heart, when I'm not around Where are you now, you gotta let me know Oh baby, so I can let you go I can hear your voice The ring of yesterday It seems so close to me But yet so far away I should let it out To save what's left of me And close the doors of doubt Revive my dignity But, I can't go on as long as I believe Can't let go when I keep wondering Where are you now, what have you found Where is your heart, when I'm not around Where are you now, you gotta let me know Oh baby, so I can let you go I should let it out, it's time to let you go Oh baby, I just want to know Where are you now, what have you found Where is your heart, when I'm not around Where are you now, you gotta let me know Oh baby, so I can let you go Copyright 2000 - This Story Belongs to Liz S.