From: "X-Files Gurl" Date: Sun, 19 Dec 1999 19:58:27 GMT Subject: Fanfic! Source: direct TITLE: Trademark Gift Author: Rebecca Ford Email: sweetchick_2000@hotmail.com Rating: PG Classification: VR Spoilers: None Keywords: Mulder/Scully romance Summary: It's the one-year anniversary after Agent Scully leaves the FBI to become a doctor, when late one night she gets a package in the mail. Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine *sigh* although I wish they were... they belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox. I'm just borrowin' them! Don't sue! Please!! *S* ~*Enjoy!*~ ~*TRADEMARK GIFT*~ By : Rebecca Ford "Have a good night, Doctor Scully." Yeah I'll have a good night, thanks. I managed to lift my hand up to give a little wave to my secretary as she disappeared out the door. I'll have a great night. I sighed heavily and put my pen down for the last time that night. The last thing I wanted to do right then was paperwork. I rubbed my eyes wearily and glanced at the clock. Eleven twenty-one. Then I glanced at the calendar for the twentieth time that day. Right Dana, like you don't know what day it is. The inevitable day that comes around every year. The day that I try my hardest to avoid and not think about, but I never succeed. It's the only thing I think about all day. This month was no exception. They say things heal with time, but I've found that it has just gotten more and more difficult. Today marked one year. One year - it may seem like such a short time to most, but to me, an eternity. I still don't know how I have managed to get through these twelve months without him. Without getting up in the morning and going to work, either catching him leafing through some old, worn articles dating back to 1949, or watching his eyes twinkle when he tells me his theory on a case we're working on. God, I still remember it like it was yesterday. The day I walked into his office for the final time. It's funny, because I remember thinking to myself what a chore it was to walk all the way down to that cold, damp basement every day just to get to his office. Now I would give anything to make that journey. ~*~*~*~ "They've divided us." I never actually believed that I would ever say those words. I still didn't believe them after they left my lips and in a way, one year later, I still don't believe them. I was as surprised as he was. After all that we had achieved, I was so sure that things were going to be okay. That we were going to be okay. We had gone through so much and to get this far was certainly an accomplishment. Imagine our astonishment when we learned it was all over. I didn't want to go into great detail with him right then and there, and I never really did. I doubt he wanted to know anyway. The night before I came to him with the news of my reassignment, I was called into a private meeting, consisting of Assistant Director Skinner, a few other panel members who had been following Mulder and I very closely during the years we had been together, and to my surprise, Assistant Director Kersch. He was no longer our superior, and I found it odd that he was present. I also found it odd that Mulder was not present at this meeting. I had known for quite some time now that they were disapproving more and more of the activities Mulder and I were becoming involved in. As soon as I got there, I found the atmosphere in the room uncomfortable and edgy, and I knew that something was going on. It didn't take long for them to get straight to the point. "Agent Scully, we have come to a fork in the road here," began A.D. Kersch. "You have been with the X-Files a number of years, have you not?" "Seven," I informed him sharply, shooting a quick glance at Skinner. His eyes immediately dropped to his lap. "Yes, seven," Kersch retorted abruptly, obviously annoyed that I had answered his question so firmly. He continued, with his usual deadpan expression. "During these seven years, Agent Scully, what can you tell us you have accomplished?" I looked at him in disbelief. Skinner cleared his throat uncomfortably, obviously very uneasy. Kersch's question came as a shock to me, and immediately I felt my face go warm with embarrassment. I swallowed hard, racking my brain for something to tell them. Anything at all. What had I accomplished? Well, with the help of my partner, I had gotten to the bottom of hundreds of concealed and unexplained cases, put away many dangerous individuals, helped so many people whose lives had been in peril, and also accomplished what I had always wanted. To be part of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. The FBI had always been a very important part of my life, and I always took my work very seriously. But more importantly, I had connected with another human being. A human being who had been through so much in his life. Somebody who needed someone to reach out to, and over the years I became that person for him and he became that person for me. He was always there for me whenever I needed a shoulder to lean on, and vice versa. Whatever barrier we had to cross, whatever milestone was put in our way, we made it through, and most of all, we made it through together. So what had I accomplished? To tell you the truth, in my mind, more than anything I could have ever hoped for or imagined. Certainly it hadn't been a walk in the clouds, but I still to this day, never will regret walking into Fox Mulder's office that day. But how could I tell them that? As I sat there scouring each of their vacant expressions, I knew they would never understand. The only person I knew who understood was Skinner, but he still was deliberately avoiding my glare. Kersch nodded his head knowingly as if to say, 'That's what I thought', when I became silenced. It made me furious, and I did everything in my power to retain my composure. Finally I caught Skinner's eye and this time there was no way he could avoid it. Why? I pleaded silently. How could you just sit there, and allow them to do this to us? I had always believed that Walter Skinner would always look out for us. He always *had* looked out for us. For seven years, he bent over backwards to help Mulder and I in any way he could. Ultimately we had come to the point where we were able to trust him completely. But what he said next made my stomach churn. "Agent Scully, we have come to the conclusion that you would be much more productive in a somewhat different environment," he concluded in such a feeble voice, I barely understood him. I blinked a couple times, dumbfounded. I opened my mouth to speak but no sound came out. He continued awkwardly, pausing slightly as A.D. Kersch made a point of fixing his eyes directly upon him. "Your background, as we all know, Agent Scully, is very impressive. A solid background in science and medicine such as this would be put to, to much better use...elsewhere." "How dare you," I hissed. "Agent Scully!" bellowed Kersch. "One more outburst like that..." "Like what?" I challenged, much to the surprise of the panel. "Do I not have a voice here? What he said was unjustifiable, and quite frankly I refuse to sit here another minute listening to this nonsense..." "Would you like me then to rephrase that for you Agent Scully in terms you will understand?" sneered Kersch. My heart was racing a mile a minute. I pursed my lips tightly and clenched my fists so firmly that my knuckles were beginning to turn white. I knew I was fighting a losing battle. "I won't insult your intelligence Agent, so I will give it to you how it is," Kersch uttered hoarsely, through gritted teeth. "*You*, Agent Scully, are a way too valuable asset to the bureau to stay there rotting your life away with Fox Mulder, and for your own personal safety and well-being, you will be better off and definitely more productive somewhere else. Is that better?" Is that better? Yes, it was rip-my-heart-out-better, thank you Assistant Director. All was silent for a few moments, not one person sure where to start. I heard Skinner cleared his throat, but I was far away. "Agent Scully," Kersch said more softly, "When you were assigned to the X-Files, your job was not to encourage Agent Mulder. Your job was to keep him in line. To keep him..." "From finding the truth?" I queried fiercely, snapping back to reality as yet again Skinner's eyes fell to his lap. Kersch let out a long, exasperated sigh. "In our eyes, Agent Scully," he rasped wearily, changing the subject. "You have not done your job! Instead you have spent seven years running around in circles, while you could have been in a laboratory somewhere. You could have been finding a cure for a disease, or helping sick people become well again! You don't deserve to be shut away in a cold, damp basement for all this time, and just have all your abilities sitting gathering dust. It's not too late for you Scully. You can still do something with your life." I wanted to scream and yell at him until I was blue in the face. Telling him he was wrong, that I hadn't been running around in circles all these years. That I actually *had* accomplished so much. That *nobody* deserves to be shut away in that cold, damp basement. Especially not someone as brilliant and as dedicated as Mulder. That my life *hasn't* been a waste, and although I have been through so much, I made it through each time stronger than ever. But I knew I would never be heard. They decided that the minute I walked in. I stood up abruptly. "Are we done?" I seethed. Skinner, still avoiding my glare also stood up and made his way over to me and stood there timidly. He handed me a slip of paper. "Transfer effective immediately," he mumbled. I snatched it out of his hand and marched towards the door. "Agent Scully," Kersch called after me, when Skinner slowly turned away so he couldn't see the tears forming in my eyes. I could feel every eye in the room on me. I turned around slowly, gripping the door handle. "One day you will realize we are doing this for your own good." My eyes flashed. "I'm sure I will sir," I whispered icily, not really knowing how right I was. After glancing one final time at Skinner, I walked out the door, slamming it behind me. That was the last time I ever saw any of them. ~*~*~*~ "Scully?" I blinked a couple times, and snapped out of my reverie. I sighed heavily, hoping Mulder would say something somewhat encouraging. But he just sat there with a devastated look on his face, repeatedly popping sunflower seeds into his mouth, his way of coping with the news. Those trademark seeds. Suddenly the overwhelming amount of seeds caused Mulder to dissolve in a choking fit. I stood there, glued to the floor, almost thankful for this somewhat amusing interruption. He cleared his throat and cursed something incoherent as I eyed him warily and handed him my transfer sheet. "Agent Scully will be reassigned to Portland, Oregon immediately following distribution of this notice," he read aloud, unblinking. "So they've finally done it eh, Scully?" he added flatly after a short pause. I sighed but didn't say anything, a little more than disappointed at his reaction. I remember walking out of there in a daze, and feeling my heart sink even lower when Mulder didn't come after me. For the rest of the day Mulder and I avoided each other. I spent my remaining hours packing up my things and finalizing my transfer documents, while Mulder spent the time alone in his office. I didn't see him once. I remember thinking driving home if anyone was going to miss me. If anyone would even notice I was gone. It saddened me to think of all the hard work I had put in over the years seemed already forgotten. Already discarded like yesterday's newspaper. As much as I hated to admit it, maybe Kersch and Skinner were right. Maybe they were actually doing this for my own good. Maybe I would be better off somewhere else. The night after the meeting, I had packed up most of my things and was thankful I didn't have much packing to do when I got home. Later on, I sat there in my almost-vacant apartment for what seemed like eternity. Everything was happening so fast, it almost felt like a dream. I wanted to cry, I really did. But the tears just wouldn't come. Just before I got ready for bed, I heard a soft knock on my door. I didn't bother looking through the peephole. I knew who was there. I opened the door to find a hesitant-looking Mulder. "All ready for bed?" he asked, grinning nervously. "My plane leaves early tomorrow morning Mulder, I need to get a good night's sleep," I told him pointedly, stepping aside to let him in. Again he grinned, and I couldn't continue being so abrupt with him. "Thanks for coming." He nodded, avoiding my eyes. We stood there for a few moments, searching for the right words. "Listen Scully, I'm not too good at these good-bye things so I'm not going to waste any time," he began suddenly. I blinked a couple times. "*I* was the one who arranged that meeting with Skinner and Kersch. *I* was the one who decided all this." "What?" I asked incredulously, feeling the room begin to spin. He sighed heavily. "I'm sick of seeing you hurt Scully, that's all," he mumbled feebly into his chest. I studied his eyes. He knew that wasn't the biggest priority in my mind. There had to be another reason. After some brief hesitation, he returned my look and shook his head slightly. He sighed again. "Okay, that's not all. Jesus, Scully you know me too well," he whispered ruefully, walking over to me and taking my hands in his. There was a long pause as his eyes bore deep into mine. "I did it because...I love you," he eventually whispered, gruffly. I gasped silently. "How could I have stood here for seven years and not done anything?" he continued. "I could have prevented everything Scully. But no, I was too God damned selfish. I didn't see what this was doing to you until it was almost too late." I shook my head vehemently, but he wouldn't let me speak. "No Scully, you're not going to win this time," he grinned. "Please understand what I'm saying. I care about you too much to just sit here, watching the fire that burns so brightly inside of you slowly die." He stepped closer and scooped me up in his arms. I embraced him back and we stood there for a few minutes in each other's arms. What a great time to start crying, Dana. We pulled apart, and all of a sudden without warning, he kissed me. What a great time to start crying even harder, Dana. "I do love you," he whispered in my ear when we finally pulled apart. "I always have...you know that." I nodded, smiling to myself while the tears rolled down. "I love you too," I whispered back feeling my heart soar. "It's for the best," he whispered again, feeling my heart sink back down again at those words. But I knew he was right. Then he handed me a bag. Sunflower seeds. "Don't eat them until you're on the plane," he grinned playfully, his eyes twinkling. I squeezed his hand. "The truth is out there Fox, and you will find it. Don't give up." I saw him fighting his own emotions and I knew at any moment he was going to burst into tears. "I'll find it for you Dana. Promise," came his heart-breaking words. "You don't have to be the strong one Mulder," I sobbed, noticing he was finding it harder and harder not to cry. "Not this time." He shot me an almost thankful look and let a single tear fall down his cheek. "Doctor Scully," he saluted me, his eyes twinkling. After squeezing my hand one final time, he slipped it out of mine and walked slowly out of my life. Clutching the bag of sunflower seeds, I vowed I would never let them out of my sight. Imagine my horror when I stepped on the plane and realized I had left them on the counter in my empty apartment. I sobbed silently to myself almost the entire flight. ~*~*~*~ The memories of the last time I ever saw Fox Mulder, held him, kissed him and told him I loved him are what keeps me going. They have kept me going for a whole year now, and they are not about to die out any time soon. At first it was hard for me to accept the fact that we were never going to see each other again. But eventually I grew to understand the enormity of the situation, and that it meant so much to Mulder that I leave. I also eventually understood what Skinner and Kersch were saying and how honourable it was of them to go along with the favour Mulder had asked of them. They must have wholeheartedly agreed with him. I've settled in here quite well too. I enjoy what I do, no doubt about that, but I will always have a special place in my heart for the FBI. It was my first choice as a career and it will always be my first choice. And I will always have a special place in my heart for the man who brought so much joy to my life in those seven years. I miss him terribly, and sometimes it hurts so much I can hardly breathe. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep, wanting to feel his arms around me again. I constantly wonder if he is thinking about me. If he misses me. Like I miss him. Yet I know he does. Mulder and I will always have that special bond that nothing could get in the way of. Not even separating us could ever break that. And that's how I carry on. ~*~*~*~ "Doctor Scully?" I jumped slightly at my secretary's reappearance in the doorway. "Did you forget something?" I asked her. "No," she said, a puzzled expression crossing her face. She held up a package. "This came for you today." She held it up for my inspection. "Who is it from?" She shrugged. "I don't know. But it's addressed to you." "Really?" "Uh-huh," she answered, looking as perplexed as I was. "Do you want me to put it on your desk?" "Sure," I told her. "Thanks." "No problem, see you Monday," she said as she disappeared for the second time. "Night," I called distractedly, still eyeing the package. I waited until I saw her red Cavalier pull out of the parking lot to open it. I heard an unusual 'crinkle crinkle' as I tore away at the well-wrapped bundle. Before long I knew I didn't need to tear much more. I sob escaped my throat when I realized what the package contained. Sunflower seeds. Thank you Mulder. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Feedback greatly appreciated!! Please email me at : sweetchick_2000@hotmail.com ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~