From: "Mel J" Date: Mon, 17 May 1999 15:07:35 PDT Subject: NEW: Traitor (Post Biogenesis) (1/1) WARNING: This is not a good fic. This has been written right after watching Biogenesis and let's just say I was "Influenced" by the episode. My serious post-ep will come later, when I'm done writing it for now though here is this... Read at your own risk. TITLE: Traitor (1/1) AUTHOR: MelJ EMAIL ADDRESS: xfiles25@hotmail.com DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Please archive, note if possible so I can visit, and smile that my stuff is being archived *g* SPOILER WARNING: Through All of Season 6 RATING: PG-13 CONTENT WARNING: M/S UST CLASSIFICATION: V, A SUMMARY: POST EP BioGenesis, Scully POV DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions No infringement intended. AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well I just saw the Season Finale and have mixed feelings about it. I'm sort of annoyed about Diana, and damnit, don't you get it Chris? It's Mulder Scully, Scully Mulder, not Mulder Diana. You're killing me here Buddy! Tell me what you thought about the episode if you want to at xfiles25@hotmail.com OH, I don't think the sensitive ones to M/S Relationship should read this, and I don't know if it's safe for NoRomos. It's written from a shipper's sense of view, with severe angst, at least I think so, and blame it on my life lately. This is getting long I'll shut up now =) **** Here, take the blade my love, And drive it through my heart, But do it gracefully for in my Hour of desperate need I cannot see the sun. --Seal **** I believe now. I believe in a lot of things now. Different things. In only a few days my whole view of life has been turned upside down. Mulder's in the hospital right now, still. I refuse to visit him though, not with that woman lurking around him, and not with Skinner hovering over me. I can't blame him for anything right now, not when I know he's lost his mind. I know I need to be with him but I can't. I might've told Diana that she's a liar when she told me Mulder called her because she was the only one that believed him, but inside me it's a whole different feeling. I feel as if someone just told me that the life I had been living for six years was a lie. I believed in science, believed in proof. I never thought I would find truth until today. I found the holy grail in the midst of the ocean. I found his holy grail though, not mine. My job is over, there's no reason for me to continue. This is what he wanted wasn't it? For me to believe? Well he's gotten it now, which gives me no reason to continue. He has Diana anyways, Diana who believes him, he doesn't need two of us. I know he will try to tell me to stay, but the truth is it's over now. For once and for all it's over. He has Diana. He has his love. He will have the proof he needs, when he's well again. He has his truth. The only thing missing is Samantha and God knows I can't help him find her. The light that once shone brightly in my life had been flickering for awhile now, and now it has been extinguished. The light shone brightly, until Diana came into the picture. It was obvious he loved her, and I tried to pretend he didn't. I thought he didn't when he saved my life in Antarctica, when he tried to kiss me before all that. The light shone again in my life. Then she came back again, and he refused to trust me. Claiming that at least Diana didn't mock his work, ridicule it like I had. That is basically what he said, wasn't it? I felt the light flickering again then. Then came the stunning confession of love. I'd refused to believe it then, but when Christmas came and he gave me a present, I believed it. I felt the light shine. After Ritter, everything came tumbling down. He started to shut me out of his life again, and of course Diana came into the picture again. He didn't believe the truth I'd found, that she had been monitering test subjects. The light flickered, and almost blew out then. I continued to work with him though, our next case posing as a married couple. I felt him trying to get close to me, trying to get me to open up again, but I couldn't. I was angry with him, it was probably the longest grudge I held against him. Slowly I let him in my heart again. When Padgett's accomplice tried to kill me, and I felt the life dripping out of me, I clung to him, and cried. Not only about the incident, but because of Diana also. Because of Mulder believing her not me. I didn't tell him that, he woulld think I'd lost my mind. Sure, at first it was at shock at the thought of my heart about to be pulled out, but then near the end it was about everything. I just needed to cry, to release. I remember playing baseball with him, then finally forgiving him completely. I thought he realized how he hurt me. I was wrong. He doesn't have a clue, especially if he called her and not me. Maybe I'm rambling on and on about something that doesn't exist, maybe I was right when I called Diana a liar, maybe she was lying. I guess the only true thing that exists in this world is pain. Pain, which is the struggle in life, to get to happiness, which will never truly happen. This time the light not only flickered but it blew out. It's over. I believe, he believes, she believes. I know it's true, he knows it's true, she knows it's true. Three is a crowd. One of us has to leave. And I know that the one person that has to leave is me. I will leave, once I'm sure Mulder's in good health again. As much as I know it's over, that he doesn't love me, I also know that I love him. I can't watch him suffer, watching him on that tape was nearly my undoing. Nothing could extinguish love, love is eternal. Love that is not returned though, is the most painful thing that can ever occur to anyone. I flick off the light switch in my room, and bury myself in the blankets. I take a pillow and cover my head. Mulder's been a traitor all these years. Pretending he loved me when he didn't. It's over. It has to be. Just let everything fade to darkness. I will myself to sleep, and say a silent prayer to God to help Mulder, and finally am at peace. At least for the time being. [END] Notes: This is a product of watching Biogenesis. I think I'll make a serious one soon, a plausible event after the episode, but for now I am so damn tired, and I wrote this after the episode and it's past midnight, and I've done none of my homework, and I could go on and on, so that's why I stopped there in the story, or it could have well gone on and on. Anyway Feedback = Xfiles25@hotmail.com, cherished, adored and replied to. Maybe i'll even write a nice happy sequel if enough people write me =) Trust no one. Especially Chris Carter to bring Mulder and Scully together.