From: Alasin Date: 4 Jan 2003 23:10:09 -0800 Subject: Trust,, 1/1 NC-17 Source: atxc Title: Trust. Author: Alasin Nalcon Rated: R-NC-17 for language, violence, and sexual situations. Classification: story Spoilers: Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose Summary: Mulder wants to scare Scully away so she can "be free" of the hard life she's leading at Mulder's side. However, no matter how hard he tries, she won't back down from him. Disclaimer: I don't own em. HE does. Keywords: 6th seasonish, superangst, MSR/MSF, RST, (but not in the normal way.) Archive: Oh God yes!!! Just lemme know 'k? Feedback: scifi_chix1013@yahoo.com any feedback welcome. Author's notes: This could really take place on any ol' night at Mulder's apartment but I was imaging it was after a hard case or something that makes Mulder feel extra pathetic. I think that's it... Thanx to my friends Ashelbee and J-Man who helped me get through this and Erica who is willing to read it . THANX!!! On with story already... "Talk to me Mulder." "No." "Why not?" "I don't want you to get the wrong idea." "What do you mean?" "I don't want you to think that my polite tone means I care. All it is, Scully, is a formality." "Mulder--" "Get away from me Scully." "No." "You don't want to be near me. Trust me on that." "That's not true." "I'm dark, Scully. I'm sick. The part of me that can feel anything is telling me to warn you now. Get out of here Scully, out of my apartment, out of my life. Get the hell away!!!" "Or what, Mulder?" her voice was to damn tender. "Or you may see what I'm capable of." "I won't be afraid of you." "Fuck you." It made her cringe but she wouldn't let it phase her. "You like to think you know me. You don't, but Scully, I know you. I could break you apart, crush you, leave you empty." "Yes you could." That made him look at her. She was dead serious, meeting his eyes unflinchingly. "But you won't." Now he was really getting pissed. Why wouldn't she just go? Any other woman would have slapped him across the face and stormed out of his life forever. She wouldn't, he had to try harder. "Oh no?" He challenged, standing up slowly from his couch. She had been kneeling on the floor, to the side of him. Now she was below him but she wouldn't stand. To stand would imply discomfort at the way he was looming, or the way her face was almost level with his crotch. He suddenly grabbed her, his thumb grinding into the weak spot between her collarbone and shoulder. The abruptness made her jump, the dull pain made her cringe ever so slightly but she would not be afraid. Not of him. "What are you going to do?" It sounded more like a challenge than she had meant. "I don't know," he growled. In one movement he pulled her up on her knees and crushed her torso to his thighs. His hand slid up her neck to clutch her hair and he pulled her head back. She knew he could have pulled her a lot harder, she still wouldn't flinch. He laughed down at her like a madman. Not a cackle, but a soft chuckle that filtered through her skin and touched her bones. "But I can think of a way you can keep me busy." It was too dark. The moonlight filtered through the blinds in blue streaks but they fell behind him. The angle was too high; she couldn't see his eyes. His tone made her shiver and he laughed again, throwing her back to the floor. She fell hard on her elbow and caught the glint of concern that flashed over the insanity of his eyes when she whimpered from the burst of pain. It was gone that fast but it gave her the strength to stay there. Slowly, deliberately, she turned to look at the door. "Go for it," he whispered harshly. She wouldn't. She stood up and met his wild gaze. "I don't believe it. I don't believe this game." He was on her in an instant, fingers digging into the sensitive flesh of her arms. Tilting her back, throwing her balance off. Nothing was holding her up but his violent embrace. If he dropped her she knew her head would probably hit the coffee table. As if sensing her thoughts he spoke, his voice mock soothing. "Oh don't worry Dana," he hissed. "I don't want to risk knocking you out. That would take all the fun away." Abruptly he stood her on her feet and spun her around, clutching her hands behind her. Out of nowhere he clamped his cuffs around her wrists. "No, no, no, your gonna feel it all. Every bruise, every scrape." Gripping her waist, he pulled her roughly back. A gasp escaped her when she felt his erection straining against her through his pants. He forced his words out through clenched teeth. "Every goddamned thrust while I tear you open." With her facing away he didn't have to worry about hiding his eyes, he could focus on keeping his voice even. Panic began to rise in her blood. She didn't think that Mulder would do it. She knew he wouldn't but... No she wouldn't lose her faith in her partner. That's what he was and would be, even when he tried to run her out and push her away. Part of her wondered why she didn't just get the hell out of there and wait until this strange Mulder temper tantrum subsided. Trust. Trust was what it came down to. It was a test, even if Mulder didn't realize it. And she silently vowed to herself and to Mulder in that moment that she would pass this test. "Although," he finally added, "you can always say you'll leave and then it will only be fair of me to let you go." Her breathing was becoming ragged but she didn't struggle against him. "No." "Stubborn bitch." He forced the words out again. "Why do you need to do this Mulder? I don't get it." "I'm trying to save you." He whispered. "What?" "Shut up!" "Mulder--" "I'm gonna fuck you Scully." The words were strained, pushed into existence. "Then do it already." "Still don't believe me?" "All talk no action." "Wha--? Do you want it? Is that it? Is there a little slut under that suit?" "Try me." "Oh I will. But you won't like it. I'm gonna hurt you, shove myself down your throat till you choke. Till you cry. Till you beg me to stop. And then I'm gonna keep going." Scully's mind was spinning. She couldn't believe he was talking to her like this. Carefully, she kept her anger in check. If she lost her cool everything would break apart. Everything rode on her belief that he didn't mean it. She hoped to God she was right. Let's try a different route she thought. "And what are you going to do when I'm caught up in my orgasm?" Progress. Mulder drew in a sudden breath behind her. The thought of it made his heart race. Scully, beautiful and open beneath him, gasping, smiling, releasing in his arms. He couldn't let her know. He had to push himself back into that cold harsh shell. "What?" he spat. Her body strained, tight against his. She was helpless but calm. Her voice was a gentle whisper sent over her shoulder. "What if I lap at you until you cry out? What if I wrap my lips around you and swallow it all? Would you still win this imaginary battle?" Now his breathing was getting ragged. She had to be careful. Once wrong sentence or tone in her voice could snap him into passion and then he wouldn't stop. Not if he thought she wanted it. Part of her did but she couldn't risk it. Not now when he was so fragile. "What if I ride you? What if you can't muster the mind to follow through on your threats because I'm rocking your world? And yes Mulder, what if you bring me to orgasm, crying your name in desperate pleasure. Clutching your body, lips searching for blind kisses while I explode in your arms." He swallowed hard. "Pretty damn full of yourself to think you're that good," he rasped. Even through the harsh faade she could hear the desire. Not just a reckless want of release, this was a sudden overwhelming ache to pleasure her. He cursed himself for it. For truly wanting her so badly that he couldn't keep his act perfect. No he had to make her believe it. Had to get her to run. It was the only way she could be free of the pain he was putting her through. But oh the temptation. "No Mulder. It's because you can't hurt me. You won't. And if you forced us into that moment you'd break. Even with the rush of need pounding through your blood. Even inside me with nothing left to stop you you'd stop. Not completely. No I understand that you wouldn't be able to stop and I wouldn't try to make you. But you'd slow. You fall back into that tenderness that I feel when you caress my face or gently guide me with you hand on the small of my back. I know you dammit! I know you Mulder!" Tears were dripping from her cheeks now. Not from fear or pain but from the raw feel of bearing her soul. "You don't." His voice was weakening, almost a plea. What bothered him the most is that she was right. Completely, utterly on target. Except that he could never go that far. Even if he felt he would die he wouldn't penetrate her. Not without the glorious fantasy of permission. Permission to make love to this beautiful, strong, amazing woman. But he couldn't think of sweet illusions now. Not with all that was at risk. How far could he take it? What would break her? "I do. I know you like my heartbeat, like my breath. Because you've become a part of it. You--" "No!!! Shut up. Shut the fuck up and stop trying to mess with my head. You're really good with your stories and games but they don't touch me," he lied. He wanted to weep at the beauty of her words and just hold her tenderly in his arms. But that would be selfish. Fighting every bit of his being he forced his hands to sweep up over her stomach, her torso, grabbing her breasts roughly. "Oh God," she moaned, arching her back. Her butt pushed back against his softening flesh, and it rushed back to a rock burning against her. Her reaction surprised them both. "Even though it shouldn't happen, my body can't help but respond to you." Her voice was raspy, thick with sudden arousal. He couldn't believe it. She liked it. "You have power over me, Mulder." He felt her tears falling on his hands. Her words took his breath away. He could see it was true. He could take her now and she wouldn't resist. Almost beyond his control, his hands began gently massaging. Even through the fabric he felt her nipples hardening under his palms. This was not what he had planned. "Scully," he whispered. "Yes. Mulder, come back to me." She moaned again, her head lolling back against his chest. Waves of arousal were making her head spin. She had to get control of herself. "Oh Mulder, I, you have to stop." Her voice was a desperate whisper. He knew she was right. Still he was amazed at the softness of her voice, how she wasn't angry. A thought entered Mulder's mind. He continued, and gently skimmed his fingers over her nipples. "Mulder." She was moving gently against his erection, lost in pleasure. "You're so fucking easy. I should have tried this a long time ago." He whispered it pretending it wasn't meant for her to hear. "What?" She gasped. "Nothing Dana." His voice dripped with false tenderness, "just relax, let me touch you." He felt sick from the way he way talking to her. The urge was strong in Mulder to just let himself touch her. Real, the way he wanted to. Not this heart breaking charade. "I heard you." Her tears were drying fast. "Oh fine." He sighed too loudly, so fake, "I guess it was too easy. Play the hurt puppy dog and get a pity fuck from the ice queen. I was aiming for a blowjob too. That's OK I know you want it so bad right now you wouldn't care who you got it from." Scully's mind raced. He was still pretending right? He must be. She was turned around so she couldn't see his eyes. Couldn't read him. "Mulder?" "I just had to make sure you got all wet and squirmy so the fuck was guaranteed." "I know you don't mean it." "Oh come on I barely touched your tits and you were mewling like a little cat." "Only you can turn me on like that." OhmyGod, Mulder thought. "So you're desperate, big whoop." "I'm trying to be honest with you Mulder. Do you realize how hard that is?" "Do you realize how hard I am? Can you shut up already so we can get on with this?" "Let go of me Mulder." "Ha." "Please." Her voice was soft and calm again. "No." "I'll go." And in that instant he released her. His hands swept up to unlock the handcuffs and when she was free he pushed her at the door. She spoke with her back still to him. "And that's what it comes down to Mulder." "What's that?" "Trust. That you'd make good on your promise. But I have to apologize Mulder. I lied. I'm not leaving." "What!?!" "I just wanted my hands free for a moment." "To get your gun?" "Hardly." Turning, she pulled her gun out and tossed it at him. "Now I'm pissed you little liar." He began to walk over to her. "I trust you Mulder. Completely." "You're a fool." His voice was desperate. What was the saying? Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Was that where she was Scully wondered to herself. She had to do this. It was that last thing she thought would convince him. She took the hem of her shirt in her hands and pulled it over her head. Mulder stopped dead in his movements. His mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide. Her shoes followed, then pants, socks, bra, panties. The movements weren't meant to be seductive or alluring. She moved fast to make sure she was completely naked before he could prevent her from her goal. "Now you know I might be lying. All bets are off. There's no safety word. And still I trust you." "Scully," he breathed. Everything was getting to him. He was breaking. Even if it came back she knew she would win. And in her winning they would both win. "Don't take me. I'm telling you where the line I'm drawing is. Don't penetrate me. You kept saying you would so if you're going to do it, do it. I will walk out that door forever. I won't raise charges, won't tell a soul. You'll get off and I'll be gone." That was it. She put it out there in all honesty. The one thing he wouldn't do was what he needed to do. She was so beautiful. Calm, open and true before him. He couldn't keep it up much longer. He just had to scare her until she gave up. Until he saw the fear in her eyes. Until he broke her trust in him. How the hell did she know how to do every little thing to bring him back to the light? Back to her. "Wow, two birds with one stone," he said coldly. Closing the gap between them with a few steps, he grabbed her by the hair again and pulled her just roughly enough to get another slight whimper out of her. If he just entered her, even slightly, she'd leave. She'd be free. But he couldn't. To violate her like that would be to high a price. No, she would back out. He would strip if he had to, hover over her, push against her, but not claim her. It would be enough. It would make her realize how much better off she was without him. That he was trash to be thrown out of her life. He hated himself and all he had to do was get her to hate him half as much. Easy right? Sure. He gripped her shoulders and tossed her to the bed. She grunted softly. "If that's the way you want it. All bets are off then. I finally get to screw that smug little look of your face." His words were relentless and beginning to wear her down. She started to wonder if some of it was true. If he was just letting his inner demon out to play with her soul. But she clung to what her heart was telling her. That she knew him and that he wouldn't be able to do it. He straddled her and yanked her arms over her head. The handcuffs clamped down on the sensitive flesh of her wrists again. Now her arms were bound to the headboard. Before she could have escaped him, could have struggled, but she didn't. It was the ultimate surrender. It was the ultimate proof of her trust in him. She was naked, captured, powerless. And he was beginning to drag his clothes off his body. This was something she hadn't expected. Her heart started to pound again. He was so built, so hard, but she knew his softness. Trust, she thought to herself, hold on to the trust. With the slightest moment of hesitation he completed his task. A blush rose to Scully's cheeks as she took in Mulder's naked aroused body. "God," was all she could whisper. "You're mine," he growled. Then he pinned her to the bed. Reaching down, he meant to force her legs apart but he met no resistance. All she did was lie there. She was almost unnaturally relaxed. How could anyone have so much faith in another? "Scully?" "Yes?" "I think I'll give you one last chance." "Give all you want." "What's wrong with you?" "I know you." "Stop saying that!" "It's true." "True? What have we ever known of truth?" "What we've known we've learned together." "It's all pointless Scully." "Then why fight?" "What else do I have?" "You could have a whole other life. But you won't let it go. You know you can't." "I only bring pain to anyone." "No." That soft, tender tone again. "Oh no?" He jerked his hips forward desperately. His cock slid roughly against her. He couldn't hold back the gasp or the moan, neither could she. It was unreal. She was wet, incredibly wet; she was slick with it. Dripping. He rested his weight on his arms and gasped for breath. It was so much more tempting now, so much easier to excuse to himself. "That wasn't pain," she breathed. "I want you," he whispered. His eyes closed as tears flooded them. "I know. And you know I want you." "Not me." "Mulder, do you know why I'm still here?" "No." "I'm here because I trust you. Because I want to prove to you I trust you. And because I think you made need it proven to yourself that you can be trusted." "I hurt you." "It's all surface Mulder. If I bruise I'll heal. To leave would have left a wound that would have never healed." "I hate myself Scully." "Then I'll love you to make up for it." "How could anyone love me?" "I know you." "Scully-" "I know that for the same reason I'd give myself to you if you were aching you could never take me. I know that even though we have our difficult moments and our fights we respect each other. I felt you flinch when you grabbed me. I heard your voice waver on every threat." Finally Mulder let go. He collapsed against her, tears flowing unbidden from his face. Scully closed her eyes and sighed in relief, "Unlock me Mulder." He nodded wordlessly and gathered all his strength to get off of her. He looked shattered, shoulders slumped, head down. Shame gripped him; he couldn't look at her. The keys felt colder and heavier in his hands. He walked swiftly to her and freed her wrists. She knew he would close himself off to her if she didn't do something. As soon as her hands were free she grabbed his wrist and pulled him down onto the bed with her. He fought against her for a moment but she wrapped her arms tight around him. "No Mulder," she whispered. "Don't run from me. After all this you can give me that much." "I still want you." It was an admission. He was drowning in the guilt. "That's alright." She stroked his hair slowly. "Lay down Mulder." He was too drained to not listen. As soon as he was lying down she pulled his face to her breasts, letting him rest against her. Then she reached behind her to pull a blanket over them. She could feel his tears sliding over her chest. It was strangely intimate when one strayed over her nipple. Her arousal was still intense and becoming uncomfortable. One of her hands stayed at Mulder's hair while the other slid down her body, in-between her legs. Mulder felt her body twitch and then shudder. Her breathing picked up and soft moans escaped her lips. First he looked up at her face, her eyes were already closed, mouth open slightly. Then, he turned and looked down her body, the movement was obvious. A slight, insistent shift under the blanket. His cock throbbed for contact but a different desire swept through him. He rest his hand on hers and she opened her eyes to look at him curiously. "Let me?" he whispered. She didn't know what to say. She hadn't expected him to get so brave so fast. Her hand withdrew from beneath his to leave it resting lightly on her heat. His eyes closed and he turned his face to gently nuzzle against her breast, pulling another sigh from her parted lips. His fingers began to move slowly; tentative and nervous. He was incredibly gentle, a complete transformation from the harsh violence he'd shown her before. His fingers explored her arousal with reverence. What an odd evening this has been, Scully thought to herself. Then she smiled at the silliness of the thought. Then she gasped as Mulder stopped being curious and started to gently rub her clit with a slick fingertip. Soft moans fell from her parted lips. Mulder's touch was light, driving her insane. She brought her other hand back up and ran her fingers through his hair. He placed an almost innocent kiss to the smooth skin between her breasts tasting the salt of his own tears there. "I, Dana I'm so sorry." "Just tell me why." Her voice was breathy with pleasure. "I was trying to free you from this hell." "What?" "I knew you wouldn't just leave if I asked. I knew I couldn't be a normal ass or ignore you because, God help you, you've put up with my shit before and not even blinked. So I made a decision that I had to cross the line. I figured you wouldn't have any tolerance for the way I..." "It's OK Mulder, just tell me." "The way I treated you tonight. But you saw right through it. I don't know how, but you did. And now, I just can't do it to you anymore. It hurts too much to do that to you. But Scully-" "Oh, that feels good." She felt him smile before he made the smooth sweeping motion again. This time a bit more intense. With a moan, she lifted her hips against his hand. She could feel her climax approaching but she wanted to keep the conversation going. "Sorry Mulder, go on." He sighed, "Scully, with all you've lost, and all you've been through I just wanted you to be safe. To be happy." "Mulder, I don't regret the life I've chosen. I don't regret following you. And, especially after all I've lost; I couldn't just walk away. I know the risks; I'm willing...to... Oh... to take those risks." "Scully." "I won't leave you Mulder. And I'll never lose faith in you. I... Oh god...Mulder... I... love... you..." Even when the force of her words hit him he didn't lose the tempo of his touch against her. He looked up into her face. Tears slid in slow motion from her lightly closed lids down her flushed cheeks. Just a few more moments, he knew. Her hands were still in his hair. No longer able to keep the lazy caresses going, she clutched at him. He watched in silent awe as she shattered under his touch. Trembling, thrashing, writhing. All from nothing more than the light touch of his fingertips. She never stopped amazing him. When she finally collapsed, gasping, against the blankets he was there to hold her. After a fleeting eternity her eyes fluttered open to meet his. Tracing a finger along the side of her face he whispered, "And I love you." She smiled sleepily at him and reached down to caress him. He only allowed the indulgence of her silky hand around his ache for an instant before he gently pulled her away. "That was for you, Scully." "But Mulder, I want to." "Not yet, Scully." "Why?" "Because we still have work to do. You have a lot more will power than I do and I can trust you that we'll be able to focus on what we need to accomplish." He took her hand and tenderly kissed her palm, "However, if you touched me much more than you just had I would have never been able to stop thinking about it and end up wanting you 24-7. We still need this wall, Scully, I still need it." "Ok Mulder." She whispered softly, understanding. With a self-mocking smirk and tone he added, "If you would excuse me for a moment." He turned and she watched him retreat to the bathroom. He left the door slightly open and she listened to his breathing slowly pick up and become harsh. For an instant she could picture him over her, gently entering her and making those noises. Even in the other room she could tell when he came. The sounds caught and silenced for a few seconds then escaped his throat in a rush. He holds his breath when it happens? Auto-erotic asphyxiation, Scully giggled. So there was something to the prediction. She giggled again in spite of herself. By the time Mulder walked back in she had stopped but she was still smiling. He smiled back at her, even if her wasn't sure why. Then he was in her arms again. That invisible barrier that still remained allowed him to keep his arousal at bay. They were still naked, holding each other with nothing between them. Scully wanted him to make love to her but she knew it wasn't time yet. Something inside her told her the time was soon and she smiled at the thought. Mulder's breathing had become deep and even. She looked up at his face and saw he was asleep. The smile never left her lips as she nuzzled her face against Mulder's neck. Before sleep took her she whispered, "we'll bring down this last wall soon Mulder, trust me." END Wow! I actually finished a fanfic! Thank you for reading this . Ah late nights, ice cream, and writing fanfic; the easy life!