From: satina@hegalplace.com
Date: 28 Jun 2003 09:53:04 -0700
Subject: [atxc-pi] NEW: Trust -NC-17- (4/7)
Source: atxc

 Yes to Gossamer

 Trust 
by Satina 
satina@hegalplace.com 
 
Part 4
See part 0 for story information.


Krycek closed his eyes, jaw muscles clenching.  "It wasn't
supposed to happen like that," he ground out.  "We were
supposed to sneak into the place, not get taken as
prisoners!"  His voice rose.  "I had no choice, Mulder!
They knew me there!  I had worked for months, gaining
their trust and building a little power base.  And then you
went off half-cocked and got us thrown in a cell."

"Me?" said Mulder, sitting up angrily.  "You're the one
who led me over there, giving just enough information to
keep me interested.  You wanted me over there!  You led
me over there by the nose, just like you always do!"

Krycek pulled himself up against the head of the bed,
wincing more.  "I led you over there, Mulder, but we were
supposed to be partners, infiltrating the place, going
through unofficial official channels!  Instead, you cuffed
me and slapped me around and dragged me across the
Goddamned countryside and right into the middle of the
whole fucking mess!  God, Mulder, don't you ever think?
It's a wonder you're still alive at all!"

Mulder stood up quickly and didn't miss that Krycek
flinched back against the headboard.  "If you'd give me
more than just the fucking crumbs every time you want to
get me to do something, I'd be able to fucking think about
it!  You don't give me enough to even know what the fuck
we're doing, let alone how to do it!  What the fuck kind of
partnership is that?"  He turned and walked across the
room, slamming himself into the bathroom before he
could reach down and start shaking and hitting Krycek the
way he wanted to.

Goddamn it!  Krycek actually had the gall to lay out there
and berate Mulder for not having all the information!  For
going in'half-cocked' and nearly getting them killed
because of it!  "Fuck!" Mulder yelled, punching the wall
with the side of his fist, shaking the mirror.  "Goddamn it!"
Just once he'd like to be treated like someone who
mattered!  Just once he'd like to be given more than
whatever the real players could spare.

What the fuck was he doing, holed up in a motel with
Krycek, taking care of him like some Goddamned
nursemaid?  What the hell made him think that was a good
idea?  The same thing that made him follow Krycek's
breadcrumbs, getting him thrown in a Russian gulag,
beaten and experimented on and nearly getting his arm cut
off?  He stopped, blinking, as a visual of Krycek's severed
arm, which he'd been confronted with several times over
the past couple of days, flashed across his inner vision.

Mulder had almost lost an arm over that trip.  Krycek, on
the other hand, had lost one.  It sobered Mulder, made him
stop pacing and catch his breath, inhaling and exhaling as
he unclenched his jaw and his fists, closing his eyes.  As
angry as he was, and as justified in his rage at being used
and manipulated and then berated for it, Krycek had ended
up facing his own justice then, just as he was now.  Mulder
sighed, his whole body deflating as he realized that once
again, the Universe had taken revenge out of Mulder's
hands and given him nothing really to want for in that
department.

Damn you, Krycek, he thought.  I can't even exact my own
revenge, with the way you get yourself into these
Godawful situations.  He shook his head, eyes closed.
Who had really lost the most in that situation, after all?
Mulder had made it out alive, vaccinated against the black
oil, with information that gave him a much better
understanding of the big picture.  Krycek had gotten out
missing a limb, having achieved his objective only in a
limited way.  His objective.  Which was to get the vaccine
into Mulder's hands.  For that, he'd risked his life and lost
his arm.

Mulder sighed, raking his hand through his hair.  Krycek
had a lot to learn about partnership, if that had really been
his goal, but Mulder didn't have any reason to hold onto
his rage, seeing how Krycek had suffered for his own
mistrust.

Mistrust.  That's what it really boiled down to, wasn't it?
Krycek had only told him the bare minimum, not trusting
Mulder with everything, just sure Mulder would find some
way to fuck it up, as usual.  Mulder and Krycek had both
paid for that mistrust, but it was getting clearer to Mulder
that Krycek had paid more.  Mulder sighed again.  Maybe
Mulder trusted Krycek too easily or too much, but the real
problem between them was that Krycek trusted Mulder
too little.

And maybe that was why Mulder was sitting in a motel in
Pembroke, North Carolina, taking care of him when no
one else would.  To prove to Krycek that he could trust
Mulder.

Mulder laughed softly.  All this time he'd thought the
problem was that he couldn't trust Krycek, when really it
had been that Krycek didn't trust Mulder enough for them
to do any good to one another.  Well, Mulder was
changing that now.  Surely after being cared for by Mulder
like this, Krycek couldn't maintain his distance and his
dangerous mistrust for Mulder.  Surely this would change
everything between them.

Mulder inhaled deeply and let it out shakily.  It did change
everything between them.  In his eyes it did.  He certainly
didn't feel any of the old feelings about Krycek that he had,
didn't maintain any of the old ideas.  He found himself
getting just a little excited again, this time at the prospect
of actually breaking through to the man underneath all the
mystery and deception and mistrust, seeing the human
being he'd been so sure he'd glimpsed back when they'd
been partners.  He had a new goal.  A new quest.  To find
the man beneath all the bullshit.

He smoothed his hair and licked his lips, taking a
steadying breath before exiting the bathroom.

Krycek was sitting up in bed as straight as possible, eyes
wide and round, breathing fast.  He was holding the gun
Mulder had given him, clutching it tightly in his hand,
down on the bed beside him.  Mulder frowned, looking
down at it, then up at Krycek's sweaty, pale face.  Krycek
looked, Mulder decided, utterly terrified.  Well of course
he did.  He'd just pissed off his only chance at survival.
The man upon whom he was utterly dependent for the
smallest things, from taking a drink to taking a piss.
Mulder actually smiled, remembering the very awkward
moments in the bathroom.  Talk about trust.  He walked
over to Krycek's bed, ignoring the gun and the way the
man flinched and inhaled sharply.  He picked up the warm
milk from the morning and took it over to the sink,
dumping it out.

"If you think you're up to it, why don't we get moved into
a better place," he said, tossing the cup in the garbage and
then returning to the bed, watching Krycek draw back
again as he picked up the medication, putting it into his
bag.

"You're..." Krycek started, then swallowed and licked his
lips several times.  "You're not leaving me?"

Mulder smiled at the unintentionally intimate use of
words.  As if he were a lover, walking out after an
argument.  Then the smile faded, as he realized that
Krycek's expectation was just another example of how
much he didn't trust Mulder, even after all that Mulder
had done for him.  "No, you asshole, I'm not," he said,
bending over his bag and unzipping it, pulling out a
sweatshirt and a pair of jogging shorts.

"Why?" Krycek rumbled, as Mulder turned, holding the
clothing in his hand.

Mulder chewed his cheek, considering.  "Because I've
decided that I'm not as fucked up as you are," he answered.
Then he smiled, proud of himself for coming up with such
a good answer.

"I think you're more fucked up than I am," said Krycek
quietly, his voice still unsteady.

"Yeah, well, I'm not the one who's gonna lie there and let
my worst enemy put a pair of jogging shorts and a
sweatshirt on me," Mulder answered, reaching for the
sheet.  Krycek's fingers twitched against the gun, but
Mulder knew it was only instinct.  "Here, why don't you
give me that before you do something we'll both find
really disappointing and shoot me," said Mulder, reaching
down and taking hold of the barrel of the gun.  Krycek held
onto it, breathing harsh.

Mulder turned, his face about a foot in front of Krycek's,
and looked him straight in the eyes.  "Do you want to
shoot me, Alex?" he said calmly.

Krycek breathed hard, blinking.  Then he swallowed,
shaking his head, and let go of the gun.

Mulder took it and laid it aside, still within Krycek's
reach.  "That's better.  Now let's get these shorts on you so
we can go find a nicer bolthole."  His own breathing
accelerated as he reached again for the sheet to pull it off.

"Mulder," said Krycek a little breathlessly.  Mulder looked
up at him again.  Krycek's voice was little more than
breath.  "I never wanted to hurt you."

Mulder stared into the dark, still-scared depths of Krycek's
aqua-jade eyes, considering all the times he'd hit the man
and had never been hit back.  "I know," he said softly, only
realizing it just then.  He took a deep breath in and let it
out.  "Now let's do this."

He slowly pulled the sheet away from Krycek's body,
watching the way Krycek's hand clenched and unclenched
at his side, his jaw muscles jumping.  For the first time, he
let himself take a little time to look at the other man's
body as he uncovered it.

Broad chest, lightly covered with dark hair.  Dark pink
nipples peeking through, firming a little in the cooler air.
Taped ribs above a concave stomach, now expanding and
contracting rapidly as Krycek's breathing went very
erratic.  He was an `innie.'  Mulder breathed deeply and
kept pulling down the sheet.

Krycek's hips were somewhat broad and square, like his
chest, his thighs hard and strong, with the same light
covering of hair.  He didn't let himself look at Krycek's
cock, even though he'd already touched it.  That would just
be too much for both of them, he thought, as he quickly
pulled the sheet down Krycek's legs and off, moving to the
foot of the bed with the shorts.

He carefully stretched the fleece, placing it over both feet
at the same time, then trying to be as careful as possible as
he pulled them up the casted legs.  Krycek leaned down to
help, obviously very embarassed and frustrated, but gasped
as his ribs prevented him from reaching very far at all, and
Mulder tugged the shorts the rest of the way up, again not
looking at Krycek's thick, dark, soft cock nestled between
his hard thighs.  Mulder let out a long sigh of relief and
stepped back.

"How's it feel to have clothes on again?" he asked, trying
to lighten the horribly awkward moment.

"Better," Krycek said quietly, swallowing.

"Good," said Mulder, grabbing the sweatshirt.  "Almost
done."

"I can do that myself," said Krycek, trying not to grit his
teeth.

Mulder looked directly into his eyes calmly.  "Just let me
help you, Alex."

Krycek blinked, then blinked again, and Mulder found
himself amazed at how young and innocent and
even...pretty that made him look.  He smiled and leaned
in, not waiting for a reply.  He put the shirt over Krycek's
head first, trying hard not to look at the remains of his left
arm, concentrating on gently helping Krycek manipulate
the right into the sleeve.  He pulled the shirt down over
Krycek's chest, tugging it down in back as Krycek leaned
forward, his face nearly touching Mulder's neck.  Mulder
sighed and stepped away and Krycek relaxed back against
the headboard and pillows, breathing deeply.

"As soon as we get moved, you're getting a bath," he said
dryly, zipping up his bag.

Krycek let out a little incredulous snort.  "You're not
gonna give me a break, are you?" he asked very quietly.

Not until you trust me, Mulder thought but didn't say, just
replying with a smug grin.  "I'm gonna take our things out
to the car and pull it up to the door," he said.  "Be right
back."

Krycek nodded and Mulder crossed the room, opening the
door and stepping out into the late afternoon light.  He
was, once again, confronted with how much better it
smelled out here than in the room, and made a mental note
to leave a nice tip for housekeeping.  He threw the bags in
the car and went back for Krycek.

Krycek was sitting up in bed, looking very serious and
rather pale.  Mulder found himself wanting to apologize
for asking him to do this, but figured that would just make
things more awkward, so he just stepped in and leaned
over, helping Krycek slowly swing his legs over the side of
the bed.  Krycek let out a gasp as they touched the floor,
and Mulder waited once again, for the other man's go
ahead to help him stand.  When Krycek was ready, Mulder
bent in and helped him up, and they struggled their way
out the door and into the car, both of them letting out deep
sighs of relief at the clearing of the first hurdle.  The next
would be getting Krycek into the hotel and up to the new
room, but Mulder had already decided he was going to get
them booked in a hotel nice enough to get a wheelchair for
them.  He pulled out onto the street, scanning the area.

"Yell if you see something," he said, making a turn.
"Something nice," he added, looking behind him and
pulling into the other lane.

They went along for a few minutes until Krycek's quiet
voice cut the silence.  "There's a Hilton," he said lifting his
hand and pointing casually.

"You like the Hilton?" Mulder asked, looking over at
Krycek and taking advantage of an opportunity to ask a
question without it seeming like an interrogation.

"'Sokay," replied Krycek, looking sideways at him.

Mulder laughed at Krycek's obvious, misplaced suspicion.
The man didn't even trust him enough to tell him he liked
the Hilton.  "All right, then," he said, pulling into the large
drive-up valet area in front of the entrance.  "Be right
back."  He left the car running, opening the door and
stepping out.  He leaned back in, remembering a rainy
night at an airport last year.  "Don't go anywhere," he said
with an evil smirk, and turned and headed into the hotel
before Krycek could reply.

He headed up to the front desk to book a room, telling the
concierge that his companion had two broken legs and
needed a wheelchair.  "Skiing accident," he said,
shrugging.

"Yes, sir.  Do you want one king bed or two queens?"

Mulder smirked.  The man hadn't even batted an eye.
Evidently they were used to skiing, same-sex couples here
at the Pembroke Hilton.  "Two queens," he said, smiling
bigger at the unintentional pun.

"Yes, sir," said the clerk, not getting the joke.  Mulder
continued grinning slightly as the concierge came back
with a wheelchair and a luggage cart.

"Thanks," he said.  "We've only got a couple of bags.  I
think we can get them."

"As you wish, sir," said the concierge, bowing and leaving
the chair with Mulder.  "Please don't hesitate to call if you
need anything else."

"Thank you," said Mulder, turning and wheeling the chair
out the door.  He found the valet standing by the side of his
Taurus, Krycek glaring at him from the passenger seat.

"C'mon, honey," said Mulder, smiling evilly.  "Let's get
you up to that room for your sponge bath."

Krycek gaped at him, eyes wide.  The valet's eyes flickered
but he said nothing.  Mulder grinned and pulled open
Krycek's door, pushing the chair up as close as possible.
He leaned in and helped transfer Krycek from the car to
the wheelchair, then went around and grabbed their two
bags, slinging them over his shoulder.  He gave the valet
his room number and took hold of the wheelchair's
handles, pushing him in through the Hilton entrance, still
smiling.

He made his way to the elevators, nodding at the concierge
on the way back through the opulent lobby, and said
nothing to the frowning Krycek as they rode up to the fifth
floor and their new room.  Mulder wheeled Krycek in and
turned and closed the door, dropping the bags just inside.

Well, this was certainly better than the Pine Shores.  Two
large, sumptuous beds with lots of pillows, a table and
chairs, two desks, a 27-inch television, a stereo, a real
wooden ice bucket, a small fridge and microwave, and
even a vanity with coffee maker and blow-dryer.  "Nice,"
said Mulder, going over to the curtains and opening them a
bit, letting some light in.  He felt safer doing that here on
the fifth floor than he had felt in the little motel.  When he
turned around to face Krycek, he was still smiling.  "I told
them you broke your legs skiing," he said, walking over to
stand in front of the still-frowning man.  "I think the
concierge was a litte disappointed when I told them I
wanted two beds," he went on.  "I think he'd be more than
happy to help me get you into one of them, if you know
what I mean."

"Mulder," said Krycek, blinking up at him.  But he didn't
seem to know how to finish the sentence, just gaping up at
Mulder's grinning face, looking somewhat freaked out.

"Want me to call him?" asked Mulder, face now serious,
brows arched.

"No," said Krycek, looking annoyed.

"Just you and me, then," said Mulder, reaching down.
"Whew," he said as he put his arms around Krycek's chest.
"I wasn't kidding about that spongebath."

"Mulder," said Krycek again, this time into Mulder's hair,
his one arm hooking over Mulder's neck.

"Ready?" asked Mulder, and when Krycek sighed and
nodded, Mulder leaned back, helping Krycek out of the
chair and onto the new bed, then quickly getting him
turned and situated, wincing and breathing hard as Mulder
adjusted his pillows.

Mulder stepped back and surveyed the situation, looking
over Krycek and the bed and the room again.

"I think bath first, then food," he said, chewing his lip.
"That way we can enjoy dinner without the smell."  Krycek
looked up at him from under his lashes, unamused.
"Sorry," said Mulder, not sounding sorry at all.  "Okay, so
we need water and washcloths, towels and soap," he
started, heading into the bathroom.  He grabbed the things
he listed, filling the ice bucket with warm water and
bringing it all back out to the table beside
Krycek's...Alex's bed.  He frowned and stood back, once
again looking at Alex, who just looked back worriedly.
Finally Mulder pulled out his cellphone, and Alex
frowned.

"Scully, it's me," said Mulder.  "We've moved into a
different hotel, I thought I'd let you know."

"Where are you, Mulder?  Is everything all right?"

"Everything's fine," replied Mulder, looking over at Alex,
who was still frowning, but not as deeply.  "We're at the
Hilton."

"The Hilton.  Nice, Mulder.  You never booked the Hilton
for us."  Scully sounded a little pouty.

Mulder smiled.  "I figured it would be easier to get the
food and other things we need this way.  We can just send
out the pretty little concierge guy whenever we need
something.  And there's nothing like room service," he
added, his stomach growling in punctuation.

"Mulder, you're scaring me.  You sound way too cheerful.
Have you been sneaking Krycek's Vicodin?"

Mulder laughed softly.  "No, Scully.  I'm leaving the
narcotics for Alex.  I promise."

"Alex??"  Scully's voice rose and Mulder was almost sure
Alex could hear it from across the room.  He turned away,
facing the door to the room.

"Don't make a big thing out of this, Scully," he said,
keeping his voice down.

"Mulder, you haven't called him Alex since you two were
partners," said Scully, sounding worried.

Mulder sighed, hunching over the phone even more.

"And you know, come to think of it, Mulder, you used his
first name after being partnered with him less than a
month.  Why is that?"

Mulder's heart started to pound and he looked around as if
the answers to her difficult questions could be found
written into the emergency exit map on the back of the
door.

"How are you two getting along?" asked Scully, voice now
frighteningly calm.

"Fine," mumbled Mulder, playfulness scared into
submission.

"Well, that's good," said Scully.  "How are his injuries?"

Mulder glanced back at Alex, who looked away quickly as
if he hadn't been trying to hear Mulder's now-nearly-
whispered conversation.  "He's still in some pain," he said,
voice returning to normal.  "But he's breathing a lot better
and I got him to eat something earlier."

"That's good," Scully repeated.  It was quiet a minute, and
Mulder was terrified of what Scully might choose to say.
His fear was not unfounded.  "It's probably about time for
his first spongebath, isn't it?"

Mulder gasped.  Fuck!  What the hell?  "I have to go," he
said a little too loudly.  "I'll call you if we need anything."
He winced at his use of the word `we', closing his eyes.

Scully sighed.  "Mulder, I'm trying very hard to trust your
judgement here, but you're making it very difficult.
Remember how you are around him.  Be careful."

How I am around him? Mulder thought, frowning.  But he
didn't say it, deciding it was best just to get the hell off the
phone and now.  "I am, Scully.  I'll talk to you later."  He
pushed End, letting out a shaky sigh of relief and putting
away the phone.  He turned and faced Krycek, who turned
and looked at him as if he had not been paying any
attention to the phone call.  "Well," he said, swallowing
back a flash of embarassment that hadn't been there before
the call.  "Ready for your bath?"

Alex frowned at him, looking a little frightened.

Mulder smiled.  "Hey, you can do most of it yourself.
Don't worry.  I'm not going to take advantage of your
weakened state and force myself on you."  He bent to dip a
washcloth in the water and added, "No matter how
disappointing that might be to our concierge."

Alex didn't say anything as Mulder handed him the
washcloth.  He began to wash his face, closing his eyes and
sighing at the pure joy of being clean.  Mulder moved the
rest of the supplies closer so Alex could reach all of them
then walked over to the TV, picking up the room service
menu.

He perused it, trying not to watch as Alex carefully
struggled out of the sweatshirt and began washing his
body, sighing with relief as he got cleaner and cleaner.
Mulder heard him hiss and looked up from the menu to
seem him scowling as he tried to wash his thighs, his ribs
curtailing his reach.  Mulder put down the menu.

"Need some help?" he asked, his embarassment strangely
fading as he bent and dipped a fresh washcloth in the
water, soaping it up without waiting for an answer.

Alex's lips parted, but seeing that Mulder didn't seem to
require permission, they just closed again as he leaned
back against the headboard, trying to relax.

Mulder bent down and began rubbing the soap into Alex's
thigh, sliding his hand underneath to lift it carefully,
getting behind Alex's knee and up the back of his leg under
the shorts.  He felt Alex's whole body tense as he washed
then rinsed the area, and he watched it relax as he leaned
back, Alex's Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed
thickly.

"Lean forward and I'll do your back," said Mulder quietly,
moving up.

Alex looked at him then obeyed, leaning over as much as
his injured ribs would allow.  Mulder could see that he
was incredibly tense, even shaking slightly as Mulder bent
toward his truncated arm.  Mulder placed his left hand on
Alex's shoulder, and Alex jerked, then sighed, trying to
relax as Mulder steadied him.  Mulder reached forward
and quickly scrubbed and then rinsed his back, noticing
that the muscles there were bigger and harder than his
own, the skin pale and scarred.  He exhaled and swallowed,
leaning back and helping Alex lie back down against the
pillows, helping resituate them.

"All that's left is your hair," breathed Mulder, trying to get
his own thrumming heart under control.  Being this close
to Alex, touching him, did something to Mulder's
composure.  It always had.  But now he was...washing
him, instead of hitting him.  It was downright weird.  "Let
me get you some fresh water and shampoo."  He took the
bucket and emptied it, grabbing the complimentary
shampoo from the bathtub and bringing it back out.  He
took them over to Alex, whom he could tell had still not
relaxed but was trying hard to.  "Here, he said, handing
him a new cloth and the shampoo.  "Let me know if you
need help."

"I think I've got it," said Alex in a low, breathy voice.  He
slowly reached up, squeezing water into his hair, and
Mulder rushed to catch the runoff with a towel.  Alex
jerked as Mulder leaned in quickly, holding the towel
around his shoulders.

"Go ahead," he murmured, and Alex swallowed,
awkwardly opening the plastic shampoo bottle then
tipping it onehanded into his own palm, massaging the
froth into his hair looking anywhere but at Mulder, who
was inches from his face.  He grunted a few times as he
reached higher than his ribs would allow, but soon he was
done and painstakingly, slowly, he used a wet rag to
remove all the suds he could.

Mulder dumped out and replaced the water once again,
then returned to holding the towel as Alex finished rinsing
his hair.  Finally, Mulder took away the bucket and
emptied it, bringing Alex a complimentary toothbrush and
toothpaste, along with a glass of water and the empty
bucket to spit in.  Alex used it silently, brushing a long,
long time, and Mulder cleaned up everything when he was
done, coming out of the bathroom to a clean-smelling,
pink-scrubbed, somewhat relaxed Krycek.

"Well," he said, picking up the menu again.  "That's gotta
be better."  He met Alex's eyes for the first time since
they'd started this project, and Alex stared back at him,
expressionless.  "Hungry?" he said, indicating the menu.
"Uh, Alex," he said, remembering.  "If you need to go to
the bathroom, let me know."  He bit his tongue as he
realized that made him sound like he was looking forward
to helping Krycek pee again.  "I just mean, if you need to,
don't feel bad about..." he trailed off, feeling more and
more embarassed by the moment.

"Relax, Mulder," said Alex in a voice that made Mulder
want to suggest that he take his own advice.  "My bowels
are moving really slowly, thanks to the medication and the
trauma to my body.  You're off the hook."  He stopped,
then ducked his head, looking up from under his lashes.
"For now."  He gave Mulder a sarcastic smile, fluttering
his lashes.

Mulder grinned back, immensely relieved that Alex was
making light of this awkward subject.  "Okay then.  So,
what do you want to eat?"

"Why are you calling me Alex?" said Krycek quietly,
looking down at his lap.

Mulder parted his lips to speak, but froze, mouth open.
"Don't...you want me to?" he asked helplessly, feeling
himself blush.

Krycek sighed, closing his eyes and frowning.  Then he
opened them and spoke.  "You do it because you think I
want you to?" he asked, voice low.

"No," said Mulder honestly.  "I do it because I want to," he
shrugged, lifting his chin as if to say `what are you gonna
do about it?'

Krycek sighed again, squinting down into his lap.  "What
are you doing here?" he whispered.

"Taking care of you," Mulder shrugged again, trying to
look unconcerned.

"Mulder, that makes no sense.  None at all.  You hate me.
You've hated me for a long time."  Krycek's voice trailed
off into another whisper.

"I don't hate you," said Mulder, his own voice failing.  He
sighed, looking down at the menu, then looked up, meeting
Krycek's intensity with his own.  "Listen," he said,
narrowing his eyes.  "You don't have any choice in this.
I'm taking care of you.  I don't have to tell you my
reasons."  He didn't look away as his challenging tone
brought out the defiant spark in Alex's eyes.

"You don't hate me," Alex said in a tone that let Mulder
know he wasn't buying it.

"No, I don't," said Mulder steadily.

"You've hit me every chance you got.  You cuffed me and
left me on a balcony all night in early spring.  You tried to
shoot me," he finished, going quiet.

"You killed my father, Krycek!" replied Mulder, voice
rising.

"I know that, Mulder!" said Alex, voice matching
Mulder's.  "That's my fucking point!  What the hell are
you doing, taking care of me after I put a knife in your
back, killed your father, and all the other shit you think
I've done to you?"

"Why the fuck did you bring me the Weikamp
information?" Mulder yelled back, narrowing his eyes.

Alex's mouth fell open, eyes blinking.  "I told you," he
said, recovering his composure.  "I was sent by the
resistance."

"And why did you kiss me?" asked Mulder, heart racing as
he said something he'd had no intentions of saying.

Alex swallowed, blinking rapidly.  "I didn't know what
else to do..." he started.  "You wouldn't trust me.  I had to
show you..."

"What?  How great a kisser you are?  And how was that
supposed to reassure me of your trustworthiness?  You can
be a great lay and still be a lying scumbag, Alex!"  Mulder
blinked as he realized what he'd said.  Now he was
seriously scared of his own mouth.

Alex licked his lips, breathing hard.  "I just wanted you to
know," he said haltingly.  "That there was more...than
just...betrayal and violence between us..." he finished, his
breath catching.

"What's between us?" breathed Mulder, leveling his stare
at Krycek.  When Krycek just stared back, breathing hard
and swallowing, Mulder yelled, throwing down the room
service menu.  "What?  What, Alex?  What's between us
that I don't know about?"

"You tell me!  You're the one that's got us holed up in the
Hilton, giving me spongebaths!" Alex retorted, shaking.
"What's this about, Mulder?"

Mulder stared at him, chest heaving, jaw clenched, and
realized he didn't really have an answer, other than the one
he'd come up with in the bathroom.  He blurted it out
helplessly.

"I want you to trust me."

Krycek gasped.  "Trust you?  What the hell are you talking
about?"

"You don't trust me!" Mulder yelled, getting his head of
steam back at the way Krycek was playing dumb.  "Even
now, you keep looking for the ulterior motive, thinking
it's all a trick, unable to just believe that I want to..."
Mulder snapped his mouth shut, frustrated and not wanting
to explore what he might have been about to say.

"Be NICE to me?" said Krycek incredulously, eyes wide.
"Why the FUCK would you want to be nice to me,
Mulder?  Why the fuck should I believe you'd wanna be
nice to me?"

"I liked you!" yelled Mulder.  "I told you, you stupid son of
a bitch, I liked you!  And I still do, even though you're a
goddamned asshole!"  His voice rasped with sudden tears,
and he stormed across the room and out the door,
slamming it behind him.  He started to stride down the
hall, then turned and paced, not wanting to leave Krycek
unattended.  He dashed the unwanted tears from his eyes,
pacing up and down, never ten feet from the door.  Finally,
he strode over and pulled open the door, breathing hard.
He stepped in, scowling, and slammed the door behind
him.  He stalked over to his bed and sat at the foot of it,
hands on his knees.  He breathed hard, trying to calm his
racing heart, tears gone.

"H-how..." Krycek whispered from the bed next to him.
"...can I believe that, Mulder?  How could you like me,
after what I've done to you?"

Mulder sighed, blinking as the tears threatened to return.
He swallowed and turned his head, still bowed.  "Do you
like me?" he asked, voice thick.

Krycek gasped, blinking and breathing hard.

"Damn it," Mulder said tiredly, voice choked.  "Do you
like me, Alex?"

Krycek inhaled slowly.  "Yes," he breathed.  "I like you,
Mulder."

Mulder let out his breath, closing his eyes as the tears
welled up full-force.  He found himself unable to control
them now, and he dropped his face into his hands and
sobbed quietly, shoulders shaking.  He was mortified as he
cried into his hands, his heart breaking open at the
revelation that Alex Krycek liked him.  He sniffed and
wiped his eyes and nose with his hand.

"Mulder?"  Krycek's voice sounded thick and scared.

Mulder couldn't face him, hiding his face in his hands.

"Mulder...I'm sorry," rasped Krycek.  "I'm sorry for all of
it.  I'm sorry."  His voice trailed off into a whisper and
Mulder heard his throat catch.

Mulder stared at the thick carpet through his fingers,
feeling his heart pounding in his throat.  What they had
here was more than friendship.  Friendship didn't evoke
this kind of emotion, this kind of...passion.  Friendship
wasn't this extreme, didn't make you feel this completely
unraveled.  Mulder gulped back terror and squeezed his
eyes shut, pressing the heels of his hands into them.

"Alex," he whispered, terrified.  "Have you ever...been
interested...in a man?"

Krycek gasped, and Mulder breathed into his hands,
willing himself not to throw up.

"I..." Krycek choked.  "Mulder, I mostly...I have sex with
men most of the time," he finished in a breath.

Mulder exhaled heavily into his hands, trembling.

"What...about you?" Krycek said breathlessly.

Mulder sniffed, feeling juvenile.  He spoke into his hands,
muffled.  "I've had experiences with other guys," he said,
swallowing.  "In college.  I had a nickname," he laughed,
then sniffed again.  "Fox-Try-Anything-Once-Mulder."
He laughed again, throat catching.

"I had no idea," breathed Krycek.  "I didn't...they didn't
know that..." he trailed off.

"Alex," Mulder rasped, throat closing, still speaking into
his hands.  "You must have noticed that I can't keep my
hands off you.  Grabbing you and hitting you and throwing
you around..."

Krycek said nothing.

"I always told myself it was anger...hate...that I hated you
for what you'd done.  What you'd done to me," he
clarified.

(Continued in part 5)
 
Part 5
See part 0 for story information.


He could hear Krycek breathing, but the other man still
said nothing, so Mulder swallowed and continued.

"But it's not hate," he said quietly, feeling sick.  "I already
told you that.  I don't hate you, even though I'm angry at
you.  I like you, Alex."  He knew there was more, but he
couldn't even think about that without the very real threat
of throwing up, so he just breathed and let Krycek figure
out the rest for himself.

"Mulder..." Krycek finally said, voice low.  "I've always
wanted you.  I've always thought you were the most
beautiful man I'd ever seen."

Mulder gasped, feeling his whole body react to those
words, that voice.  He was instantly so hard it hurt,
trapped in his jeans.

"That's why I let you hit me," Krycek went on in a
quavering voice.  "You were touching me.  I just
wanted...I just wanted so much for you to touch me," he
finished on a breath.

Mulder actually laughed wetly into his hands.  "You
wanted me to touch you, so you let me hit you.  And I hit
you because...I wanted so bad to touch you."

Krycek inhaled and exhaled.  "You want to touch me,
Mulder?"

His body throbbed again, the ache sharp and stealing his
breath.  He couldn't look up, just nodding his head where it
was held in his hands.

"Mulder...please..." Krycek half-whispered, breath
shallow and fast.  "Please...touch me, Mulder."

Mulder gasped, hands shaking as his whole body relaxed,
just wanting to follow that voice.  He pulled his hands
away from his face, raking them back through his hair,
breathing out a shuddering breath.  He closed his eyes then
opened them, finally getting up the courage to look back
over his shoulder at Krycek.

Krycek was staring at him, eyes dark and gleaming,
licking his lips which were parted on shallow breaths.
Mulder's own lips parted on another soft gasp as he got up
from the bed and slowly walked around until he was
standing at the head of Krycek's bed, looking down at him.
Krycek looked up at him, dark and intense, chest rising and
falling rapidly, still bare from his bath.

Mulder swallowed and reached out one trembling hand,
slowly lowering it toward Krycek's chest.  As it made
contact, Krycek gasped, arching into the touch, mouth
falling open.

Mulder gasped in response, stroking down Krycek's chest,
brushing over one nipple, making Krycek's breath catch in
his throat with a little grunt.  Mulder fell on him, pressing
him down against the pillows at his back, moaning as he
put his mouth on Krycek's, forcing it open with lips and
tongue.

"Mmnngh!" Krycek cried out into Mulder's mouth, his arm
coming up to grip Mulder tightly, despite his injured ribs.

"Sorry," Mulder whispered, remembering them and trying
to raise himself off Krycek.  Krycek held him fast, not
letting him get away, and Mulder moaned and sank back
into the kiss, sliding his hand down over Krycek's taped
ribs and abdomen, slipping his fingers under the waistband
of the shorts he was letting Krycek wear.

"MMM!" Krycek yelled into his mouth, bucking hard as
Mulder's hand came in contact with his stiff, hot cock, and
Mulder heard both pain and pleasure in that cry, and
pulled his mouth away, his hand still firmly in place.

Krycek was panting, eyes half-closed, lips wet and swollen
from Mulder's violent kiss, and he blinked slowly,
confused, as Mulder licked his lips, catching his breath.

"Jesus, I want you," Mulder panted.  "Wanna make you
come."

"Fuck!" Krycek hissed.  "Mulder, please..."

"But you have to be careful," Mulder said, looking down at
Krycek's casted legs.  "Don't move around too much."

"Oh God," Krycek groaned, closing his eyes.  "Mulder..."

"Jesus, I love it when you say my name like that," breathed
Mulder, beginning to move his hand up and down Krycek's
cock.  "Say it like that when you come, Alex."

"Ohhhh fuck," whined Krycek.  "Oh God, Mulder!"

"Mmmm..." said Mulder, leaning in again and sealing his
mouth to Krycek's, this time careful not to put weight on
his injured ribs.  Krycek's hand grasped at Mulder's back
frantically as Mulder stroked harder, squeezed, stroked
some more.

"Mmmm!  Mmmm!"  Krycek tore his mouth away.
"Gonna...come...Mulder!" he yelled, throwing his head
back and cracking it loudly against the headboard as his
cock swelled and then pulsed in Mulder's hand.

"Oh God yeah," moaned Mulder, watching Krycek's body
arch as he came all over Mulder's hand and shorts,
Mulder's fist moving quickly, milking the last of it out of
him.  As Krycek's body relaxed back down into the bed,
Mulder carefully removed his shaking hand, laying his
body on the small sliver of bed beside Krycek, breathing
hard.

"Alex," he breathed, taking Alex's hand in his with one
hand while quickly unfastening his jeans with the other.
"God, touch me," he gasped, shoving Alex's hand down his
jeans and arching into it hard.

"Uhn!" Krycek groaned, moving his hand as Mulder
humped it, turning his head and trying to catch Mulder's
mouth with his.

"Awfuck, Alex!" Mulder cried into Krycek's mouth, and he
was coming, bucking hard into Alex's hand, throat closed,
mouth open on a silent scream as Alex pumped him.
"God..." Mulder gasped, coming down.  "God."

"Yeah," Krycek agreed, kissing Mulder's trembling, slack
lips.  He pulled his hand out of Mulder's pants and Mulder
moaned, snuggling up against him and pressing his face
into Alex's neck.  Sooooo good.  It just felt so good and so
right and so amazing to be next to him like this.  He
sighed, putting his arm gently on Krycek's chest, careful of
the taping.

He felt the tears come again, silently, and he tried not to
cry them onto Alex's neck noticeably, breathing in
shallow, shuddering gasps.  How much time had they
wasted hurting each other when all either of them ever
wanted was this?  This...incredible, pulsating magic
between them.  Mulder finally had to lift his head, the
tears making Alex's neck wet where Mulder lay against it.
He sniffed, embarassed, and looked into Alex's face.  And
he saw that Alex's eyes, too, were gleaming, his lashes
waterlogged and blinking.  Alex shrugged, giving an
embarassed smirk.  Mulder smiled and he knew Alex knew
it, too, and that he wasn't alone.  Then his stomach
growled very loudly between them and he looked down,
laughing.  He looked back up and found Alex smiling at
him, open and beautiful.  It hurt Mulder's heart, and he bit
his lip, eyes filling up again.

"You've never smiled at me like that," he whispered, voice
catching.

"I never heard you really laugh," Alex replied, smiling
again, lips trembling.  He shook his head.  "Never."

Mulder bent in and pressed his lips against Alex's softly,
feeling like now that he was allowed to touch this body,
kiss this mouth, he'd never want to do anything else again.
His stomach growled once more, and he smiled against
Alex's lips, which smiled back.  "Food," he said into his
mouth.  "We need food."  Alex sighed and kissed him
again, then Mulder pulled back and nearly fell off the
small expanse of bed, laughing again.  He grabbed a
washcloth, cleaning himself up, then went over to Alex,
grinning as Alex looked up at him from under his lashes,
smirking.

"Time for another spongebath," said Mulder, waggling his
brows.

"I think I'm going to need more help this time," Alex said,
ducking his head and purposely using his amazing eyes, his
phenomenal lashes to pin Mulder with an intense gaze.

"And another pair of shorts," sighed Mulder, looking down
at the cum-spattered ones.  "That is," he added.  "If I decide
to let you wear clothes."

Krycek's eyes narrowed, sparkling, and he smirked up at
Mulder with mock-threat in his eyes.

"What, Alex?  Have you forgotten?  You're entirely at my
mercy," Mulder said, pulling out the waistband of the
shorts with one hand and sliding his washcloth-holding
hand down inside.  Krycek inhaled sharply as Mulder
cleaned him, never looking away from his eyes, smiling
with promise.  By the time he was finished, Krycek was
half-erect again and breathing hard.

"Let's order some food, then get those shorts off you," said
Mulder, going over and picking up the room service menu.
"Any requests?"

"Your mouth on my cock," Alex breathed roughly.

Mulder gasped, eyes closing.  God, what that voice, that
man reduced him to.  He licked his lips, breathing hard.
Food.  They needed food.  First.  He opened his eyes and
went back to the menu, chewing his bottom lip.

"God, yeah, that beautiful fucking bottom lip of yours,
Mulder," Alex went on, breathing hard.  "Let me chew on
it for you.  That's what I want for dinner.  Bring it here.
Do you know...God, Mulder, you have no fucking idea
how many nights I've fantasized about that mouth on
me...jerking myself until it hurt, coming over and over
yelling your name."

"Fuck," Mulder breathed.  "Shut up, Alex.  I can't..."  He
looked up to find Alex's head lowered, those eyes leveled
at him hungrily, mouth open, tongue stroking back and
forth across his bottom lip quickly.  "Fuck," Mulder
gasped again.  "Oh God, Alex..."  He threw down the
menu, striding over to Krycek and grabbing his head in
both hands roughly, taking his mouth brutally, groaning.
It seemed the only way to shut it up.

Alex moaned into his mouth, grabbing his hair roughly,
pulling it as he kissed Mulder back as hard as Mulder was
kissing him.  Mulder ripped his mouth away, gasping and
licking his lips.

"You want me to suck your cock, Alex?" he panted.

"Oh fucking GOD," Alex groaned, closing his eyes, head
falling back.  He still had hold of Mulder's hair tightly and
he began pushing it down.

Mulder grabbed his hand, fighting the pressure.  "Don't
make me cuff this hand, Alex," he said, squeezing his wrist
tightly.  "I may need it to get off later."  He squeezed
harder and Alex let go, letting Mulder put his hand down
at his side, where it immediately curled into a fist,
grabbing sheet.  "Now," Mulder said, taking hold of the
waistband of the shorts Krycek was wearing.  "Let's get
you naked."

He tugged the shorts down Alex's hips carefully, then
worked them down over his legs and casts, slipping them
off and tossing them to the floor.  Now Alex was naked
once again, as he had been when Mulder found him, but
Mulder's new outlook on life made the experience
decidedly different now.  And supremely better.

"We're gonna need that king bed after all," he murmured,
climbing up onto the bed next to Alex's legs.  There was
barely room for him there but he was slender and graceful
and fit himself to the space carefully.  He let himself just
look at Krycek, basking in the man the way he had not yet
let himself until now.

Alex's eyes fluttered open and closed, his chest heaving
with shallow, fast breaths.  His cock was hard and ready,
laying against his hip, twitching.  Mulder reached down
and Krycek moaned as his hand wrapped around the base
firmly, pulling it toward him.  He leaned in, opening his
mouth slowly, looking from Alex's cock to his face, and
when his eyes met Krycek's, they both moaned with the
intensity of it.  Mulder lowered his mouth over Krycek's
cock and groaned, eyes closing.

Alex whined, hurting himself as he tried to lift his hips,
and Mulder pulled off with a wet slurp.

"I'm not gonna do this unless you hold still," he told Alex,
brows arched.

"OhJesusfuckplease," gasped Krycek, eyes fluttering open
and closed.

"Then hold still," Mulder said firmly.  "All right?"  He
waited.

"All right," groaned Krycek.  "All right, Mulder, all right,
just PLEASE...you don't know how long I've waited..."

"I think I know," Mulder breathed, then he licked his lips
and opened his mouth again, lowering it down over
Krycek's cock slowly.

"GAH!" Krycek cried out, but this time he did not raise his
hips, and Mulder hummed in approval, beginning to move
up and down, flicking his tongue.

"Oh Jesus, Oh Mulder, Oh Jesus OH MULDER!" Krycek
yelled, ripping at the bedsheet as Mulder sucked him and
licked him, humming and slurping, eyes closed.

Mulder worked the cock in his mouth the best he knew
how, which wasn't actually all that good, probably, since
he'd only done it a few times and was going more on being
the receiver and on the many, many hours of videotape
he'd viewed on the subject.  The way Krycek was lumping
him and the messiah together, though, it didn't sound like
he had any complaints.

"OHHHHahhhhh!"  Alex whined.  "Mulder...God,
Mulder..."

"Mmmmm..." Mulder hummed, cock throbbing every
time he heard his name in that helpless, breathless tone.  If
he wasn't wearing jeans, he could reach down and make
himself come in about ten seconds, just listening to Krycek
lose it like that.

"Please..." Alex gasped.  "Oh God please...yes, Mulder..."

Mulder heard that tight catch in the throat that meant Alex
was probably ready to come.  He moved his head faster,
tongue rubbing hard against the underside.

"AH!  AH!  AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Alex cried out, coming
hard down Mulder's throat, pulsing and pulsing and
pulsing until Mulder wondered if Alex was ever going to
stop coming.

"Ah Jesus fuck Mulder you have no idea..." gasped Krycek,
trembling as he came down.  "No idea how long...how
many times...Jesus..."

Mulder slurped off Krycek's cock, licking his lips, not
exactly loving the taste of cum but not really minding it,
and being turned on enough that having Krycek come in
his mouth only made things that much hotter.  He was so
hard it hurt again, once more trapped inside the
Goddamned jeans.  He was so close again.  He just wanted
to strip naked and hump Krycek's hard hip, coming all
over his spent cock.

He moaned at the thought, climbing off the bed carefully
on trembling legs and reaching for the button on his jeans.
His hands were shaking as he unbuttoned and unzipped,
and Krycek's eyes opened, watching him as he stripped
them and his sticky underwear off, pulling his Tshirt over
his head and tossing it to the side, now as naked as Krycek.

"God, you're so...fucking...beautiful..." Krycek gasped out
between breaths.  "Just wanna fucking eat you alive..."

Mulder eyes closed and he swayed, soaking in the
adulation, picturing Krycek on his knees, able to make
good on his promise.  Months!  It would be months before
Krycek was out of his leg cast and could actually do
anything remotely like that!  He cursed the labs again, this
time for embarassingly selfish reasons.  He opened his eyes
and climbed onto the bed carefully, Alex pulling him in
close with his arm as he pressed himself into his body,
sighing.

"Can't stay away from you," he said, beginning to thrust
into Krycek's hip.  "Just wanna feel you..."  He took Alex's
nipple into his mouth roughly, sucking as he thrust hard,
moaning.  "Want you," he gasped, Alex's hand in his hair
once again but not pulling, just stroking.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful," Alex murmured
breathlessly, watching Mulder move against him.

"Oh God want you so fucking bad...oh...love you Alex..."
he groaned, bucking hard as his climax hit him, pulsing out
hotly over Alex's hip, some of it hitting his own spilled
cum, just as Mulder had fantasized.  He shuddered and
shook, coming off his orgasm and sinking down against
Alex, ever mindful of the ribs and the legs.  He was so
exhausted that this time he could have sworn he slept, or at
least dozed, glued to Alex with both their cum.

He woke to a hand stroking through his hair, his `pillow'
shaking him.

"Mulder...Mulder..." Alex said, jostling him awake.
"Mulder, please..."

"Hmm..." said Mulder, raising his head, blinking.
"What...what's wrong?"

"Fuck, Mulder," Alex replied, half-laughing.  "My one
arm's asleep, my ribs are killing me and I have to take a
piss."

"Shit, sorry!" Mulder said, backing off so fast he fell right
off the bed and onto his ass on the floor, making Alex
laugh harder.

"It's...it's...all right, Mulder..." gasped out Alex between
breaths, laughing.  "But if you don't get me to the
bathroom, we're gonna have to change the sheets!"

Mulder smiled, throat closing at the totally unfamiliar
sound of Alex's laugh, and he scrambled up, reaching down
to help Alex get to his feet quickly.

"Ah!  Shit!" Alex hissed as he put his arm around Mulder's
neck.  "Fucker's still asleep!"  He winced as Mulder helped
him bring his legs over the side, gasping as Mulder pulled
him to stand, panting and trying to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry, Alex," said Mulder, sobering as Krycek
obviously suffered through the effects of their sex and
Mulder's cuddle session.  "Sorry," he said again, starting to
walk them to the bathroom.

Alex nodded, smiling tightly but genuinely as Mulder
helped him limp over to the bathroom.  "I kind of need to
sit down," Alex said, wincing and looking embarassed
now.

"Okay, here," said Mulder, turning and helping him get
lowered carefully, one leg sticking straight out.  "I'll
just...go order us some food...finally," he said, giving Alex
a smirk.  "And if you need help, call.  Okay?"

Alex nodded, eyes closed, obviously embarassed in this
situation, and Mulder hurried out of the bathroom, closing
the door behind him.  He sighed, grabbing the washcloth
that had started this whole thing and rinsing it out at the
vanity, cleaning himself up again.  Then with a huge sigh,
he grabbed up the menu once again and sank down on the
end of his bed, practically shaking with hunger.

He grabbed the phone and ordered steak and baked
potatoes and salad and cake and ice cream and milk (good
for bones) and coffee, along with a meat and cheese tray, a
vegetable tray, chips and dip and soda, to keep on hand in
the fridge for snacking later.  He put down the phone,
stomach snarling at being kept waiting so long.  "Sorry,"
he murmured down at it.  "Man's gotta have his priorities."
He stood up and slipped into a pair of sweatpants.

After helping Krycek back into bed, then receiving the
huge bounty of food and consuming large portions of it,
watching Krycek carefully fill his stomach with the
potatoes and some vegetables and cheese, Mulder stowed
the leftovers in the fridge and went over to his own bed,
licking frosting off his fingers.

"Mulder," Krycek said, shifting in the bed.  "Do you think I
could have some clothes?"

Mulder tilted his head, considering.  "No," he said, pursing
his lips infuriatingly.  "I kinda like the view."

Krycek smirked and sighed, then went serious.  "Just the
shirt?" he said in a low voice, dropping his eyes.

Mulder sighed, frowning, but nodded.  He retrieved the
sweatshirt from the floor where it had gotten dropped, and
took it over, handing it to Krycek.  He thought maybe he
shouldn't help this time, and so he turned his back and
walked to the TV, picking up the remote and scanning the
program guide.  Krycek's arm would never heal, not like
his ribs and his legs.  It was permanent evidence of their
horrible past, and it made Mulder's full stomach feel a
little queasy, dampening his new good mood.  He glanced
up to see that Krycek had the sweatshirt on, laying back
against the headboard, face blank.  Mulder turned, taking
the program guide over.

"I'm sorry I fucked things up in Russia and got you...in
trouble," he said, unable to meet Krycek's eyes.

Krycek sighed, staring down at his hand, which was a fist
in his lap.  "It was my fault," he said in a near-whisper.  "I
never held you responsible."

"But you said..."

"Never mind what I said," replied Krycek quietly.  "It was
never your fault.  Any of it.  I got what I deserved."

Mulder inhaled deeply and exhaled, frowning deeply.  He
wanted to tell Alex that he hadn't deserved that, but truth
was, maybe he had.  And maybe if he hadn't experienced
such rough justice at the hands of the Universe, they
wouldn't be here now, Mulder able to let go of all the old
hate and hurt and anger and just let the...good feelings in.

"I suspected you were a plant from the start," Mulder said
quietly, turning and sitting down on the edge of his own
bed, facing Krycek's.

"Of course," nodded Krycek.

Mulder smiled sadly.  "I figured they must have thought I
was gay because I didn't go for Scully, so they sent in a
pretty boy this time."

"Really," said Krycek, brows arched.  "Now that I didn't
know.  You thought I was pretty, Mulder?"

Mulder breathed out a soft laugh.  "Alex you're gorgeous,"
he answered, ducking his head and looking up at the other
man.  "That's why I held you at arm's length.  Or tried to,"
he added.  "I didn't do a very good job."

Alex sighed.  "I didn't know...Mulder I never had any idea
whatsoever that you were attracted to me," he said quietly.
"I just knew that...I admired you so much, and...and I
couldn't believe how beautiful you were."  He inhaled and
exhaled slowly.  "Are," he finished, very softly.

"I-I wondered a little, that day at the pool," Mulder said,
looking up from under his lashes and smirking shyly.  "I
thought you looked a little nervous."

"Oh GOD that day at the pool," groaned Krycek, closing
his eyes and laying his head back on the pillows.  "I
couldn't even fucking walk out to the car I was so hard.
Do you remember?  I excused myself to go to the restroom.
I jerked off so hard and fast I saw stars and nearly fell
down."  He smiled, remembering.

Mulder let out a slow exhale.  "I...guess I was preoccupied
with the case at that point," he said, blinking.

"Thank God," said Krycek, opening his eyes.  "From that
time on, it was so hard to keep my mind on my work,
picturing your long, hard, naked body beneath your suit,
your beautiful cock, your perfect tight ass and long legs..."
He sighed.

"Did...did you ever consider...not..."  Mulder couldn't
finish, staring down at his hands, still holding the program
guide.

"I thought about it every night," said Krycek quietly.
"Every night when I would...bring myself off thinking
about you.  But I didn't know how, Mulder.  I thought you
would hate me and turn me in, get me thrown in prison.  I
didn't see any way out."  His voice trailed off into a
whisper.

Mulder thought about it, staring down at his hands.  "I
would have been angry," he said in low voice, not looking
up.  "But I would have forgiven you.  I wanted to trust you,
Alex."

Krycek swallowed hard, sighing.  "I don't wanna talk about
this anymore, Mulder," he whispered.  "Please?"

Mulder nodded, feeling the weight of the road not taken
settling on his own shoulders painfully as well.  "So...what
now?" he whispered, afraid now to look up.

Krycek let out a long exhale.  "I don't know," he whispered
back.  "You're running the show."

Mulder chuffed out a laugh.  "Guess we're all fucked then,"
he said.  "I always mess everything up."

"Knock it off," Alex said darkly.  "Damn it, Mulder, I told
you I didn't mean what I said.  I know it was my fault, for
not trusting you and telling you more of what I knew."

"Just imagine how good we could be together," Mulder
murmured.  "If you trusted me."

"Mulder," Krycek breathed.  "It's...more than that.  Not
only that.  I didn't want to tell you because...I didn't want
you to have to join me in my world.  I liked thinking about
you in yours."

"What do you mean?" asked Mulder, looking up.

"You're the good guy," said Krycek, shrugging.  "If I told
you everything I know and we did things my way..." he
trailed off.

"We could try something new," Mulder said, shrugging,
too.  "A blend of your way and mine, based on trust."  His
voice was quiet.

"I don't want you to have to do things my way!" Krycek
said, suddenly angry.

"Alex, my hands are hardly clean," said Mulder levelly.

Krycek firmed his lips, rolling his eyes in frustration.

"This good guy, bad guy shit is ridiculous!" Mulder said,
throwing his hand up dramatically.  "Look at you!  You
take all the risks, doing all the shitwork, paying all the
prices!"

"Paying all the prices?" said Krycek incredulously.
"Mulder, you lost your sister, your father...Scully..."

"My father lost himself and my sister," Mulder ground out,
knowing the truth of it and sick with it.  "And I got Scully
back.  You can't get your arm back, Alex," he said, looking
up at him darkly.

"Actually," said Alex quietly.  "I can."

Mulder frowned.  "What?  What are you talking about?"

"The nanocytes," said Krycek, lowering his chin.

Mulder was quiet, frowning.  Obviously, Alex was
infected with them.  Had gone through experiments using
them to heal his body.  "They can really do that?" he asked,
biting his lip.

"Theoretically," said Krycek.  "Of course, as part of their
eternal sense of humor, they never attempted to heal my
arm during the procedures."  Krycek's jaw clenched, his
body shuddering slightly.  "But yes.  Preliminary research
shows that it's possible to regenerate an entire limb using
the nanotechnology."

"Wow," said Mulder, unable to think of anything else to
say.

Krycek arched his brows and nodded and they were both
quiet awhile.

"So as soon as you're well enough, we need to go after that
technology," Mulder said, pinching his lower lip between
finger and thumb.

"We?" Krycek asked, eyes widening.

Mulder sighed.  It seemed so natural to him to just assume
that he and Krycek were...partners, now.  Maybe in every
sense of the word.  But Krycek was obviously not on that
wavelength yet.  Mulder wondered if he really wanted to
be.  All Krycek had really admitted to was being attracted
to Mulder.  That didn't mean he wanted any kind of lasting
relationship with him, personal or professional.  He
swallowed, looking down at the carpet.  He was in deep,
here, and was starting to swallow water fast.

"I could go after it on my own right now," he murmured.
"And get you healed up that way, instead of waiting for
weeks or months, until you were strong enough to go with
me."

"No," said Krycek firmly.  "Mulder don't.  You could end
up..."  His whole body shuddered, eyes closing.

"Is that how it happened?" Mulder said, looking from
under his lashes, head still bowed.

Krycek swallowed, then sighed and nodded.  "I broke into
the labs to steal the technology.  I infected myself and stole
a palm pilot...but I didn't know how it worked, so I didn't
realize that they could still control the nanos from
anywhere in the facility.  I didn't even get as far as the
gates before they dropped me," he finished, rasping.

Mulder pinched his lip, nodding and frowning, horrified.

"I woke up...strapped down to a table in four...well, three
point restraints," said Krycek sarcastically.  "And then the
fun began."  His whole body shivered again.  "They started
by just beating on me, systematically punching me as hard
as they could, three guys working on me at the same time."
Krycek closed his eyes.  "I was coughing up blood, and I
knew my lung was punctured, and I passed out thinking
that was it, I was dying."

Mulder swallowed, blinking, remembering the times he'd
hit Krycek.  He wanted to reach over and soothe the long-
gone bruises, caressing the old pain away.

"When I woke up again, I realized that was only the
beginning.  They'd come in and activate the nanos for
about an hour, charting their progress as they repaired
damaged organs, broken bones..."  Krycek swallowed.
"Then they'd leave and turn them off, leaving me like that
until the next round of tests."  Krycek sighed deeply.  "It
usually took less than a day to get me healed up from
a...session," he said.  "Then they started over again, only
after the first time, they'd do things more precisely,
bringing in a heavy iron bar and breaking my arm in two
places the first time, taking a couple of days to heal it, then
doing my legs, all my fingers, my ribs over and over...the
only thing they never fractured was my skull.  I guess
brain damage isn't as easy to repair," he whispered, eyes
closed.  "But never once...never once did they attempt to
regenerate my arm."

Mulder let out his breath in a long, shaky exhale.  It was
too horrible to contemplate, except that he'd found Krycek
himself, with two uncasted broken legs, strapped down and
terrified.  He shook his head, trying to dispel the images of
Krycek screaming while they broke his body over and over
again.  "There must be a way," he said.  "I wouldn't infect
myself...they couldn't control me."

"No, Mulder!" said Krycek, sitting up in bed and wincing
as his legs were jostled.  "The people in that place...they
never even flinched..."  He shuddered, closing his eyes.
"They never even flinched."

"I can get in," said Mulder calmly.  "I even have an
informant, and you can tell me everything you know.  I can
do this."

"Fuck," Krycek hissed.  "Mulder, don't.  It's not worth it."

"Not worth it?" Mulder stood up, angry.  "This isn't just
about your legs, Alex, you're going to die from the cancer
because of that damned implant!"

Krycek looked up at him, scowling.  "I know that, Mulder.
I never said I wasn't going to do something about it.  I
just..."  He firmed his lips.  "Mulder, I swear if you do
this, I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Yeah, well, after I heal your legs and give you back your
arm, I'll take you up on that, Alex," he said, a slight, dark
smile playing on his lips.  "We'll just see what you're
made of."  He was getting turned on just thinking about
facing a completely healed and whole Alex on equal terms.
Although, he didn't really think they'd end up fighting.  He
smiled bigger.

"You stupid, stubborn, son of a..." Krycek ground out, then
stopped, exhaling slowly.  "Mulder, please.  I'm begging
you."  Krycek looked at him, deadly serious.  "Stay out of
this.  It isn't your problem."

"If I don't want to spend the next three weeks helping you
go to the bathroom it is," he said, equally serious.  "I can't
just sit around here playing nursemaid now that I know
what needs to be done, Alex.  It's not my style.  It may be
Scully's, but it's not mine."

"Damn it," Krycek said, closing his eyes.  "Damn you,
Mulder.  Do you see now?  Do you see why I don't tell you
anything?  I'm trying to keep your fool ass alive and safe,
you..."

"I know, I know, stupid, stubborn son of a bitch," Mulder
finished dryly.  "Since when is it your job to protect me
from the world, Alex?" he said, narrowing his eyes.

Krycek exhaled sharply.  "Since I decided I wanted to keep
you in it," he grated out quietly.  "God, Mulder, do you
know what I'd do if...if you got killed because of..."  He
closed his mouth, lips pressing together, quivering
slightly.  "Getting killed in the line of duty is one thing,"
he rasped.  "But dying just to get me back my fucking
arm...it's not worth it, Mulder.  Not even close.  I won't
let you do it."

Mulder smiled mirthlessly.  "And what are you going to
do to stop me, Alex?" he said dangerously.  "You said it
yourself.  I'm calling the shots now."  He walked over to
the bureau, picking up his cellphone and beginning to dial.

"Fuck!" Alex roared, throwing himself forward and then
falling back, gasping at the pain, eyes closed, yelling at the
ceiling.  "Fuck you, Mulder!  Goddamn you to fucking
hell!"

"Yeah, yeah, I love you, too," said Mulder, turning to face
the door.  "Hey Scully, it's me," he said when she picked
up.

"Mulder, hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Scully, great, actually.  I just...I need to ask you
a really, really, really big favor."

"What is it?" she asked cautiously.

Mulder sighed.  "I need you to take care of Alex for me.
Just for a little while.  A day or two.  I shouldn't be gone
long."

"What are you doing, Mulder?" asked Scully suspiciously.

Mulder sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose.  "I'm
going back in for Alex's palm pilot," he said quietly.

"Mulder," Scully began, barely being heard above Krycek's
continued repetition of the F-word in the background.

"I know, Scully.  It's dangerous.  It's stupid.  It's likely to
get me killed.  I've heard it all before."  He looked over at
Krycek, who glared daggers at him.  He calmly met his
gaze, unflinching.  "Loudly."

Scully sighed.  "I don't think this is a good idea, Mulder."

Mulder actually smiled.  Scully, queen of the
understatement.  "I know, Scully.  I'll be careful.  I know
what I'm doing.  Don't worry about me."

Scully's sigh was loud and heavy over the phone.  "What
do you want me to do," she said, defeated.

(Continued in part 6)
 
Part 6
See part 0 for story information.


Mulder let out a sigh of relief.  "Thank you," he said
quietly.  "Okay.  I need to gather some information and
call the guys again, then I just need you to come down here
and take care of Alex while I'm gone."  His heart pounded,
waiting to hear her answer.

"Okay, Mulder," she said tiredly.  "Anything else?"

Mulder gasped softly.  Anything else?  The woman was
amazing.  "No, nothing else right now, Scully, thanks," he
said, voice thick.

"I'll just wait for your call then," said Scully quietly.  "Be
careful," she sighed.

"I will," he replied, smiling, touched by her concern and
awed by her loyalty.  "Bye, Scully."  He hung up the phone,
closing his eyes and turning to meet the hailstorm.

"That's her idea of backing you up, supporting you while
you go off on some idiotic scheme that's likely to get you
killed?  Some partner," scowled Krycek, glaring at Mulder.

But Mulder was beyond falling for Krycek's baiting
anymore, and he just smiled.  "Yeah, she is," he said.  He
picked up the phone again, dialing another number.  "It's
Mulder," he said as Frohike picked up.  "Turn off the
machine."

"It's off," said Frohike.

Mulder sighed.  "Turn it off, Melvin, I'm serious."

"Melvin, eh?" grumped Frohike.  "Playing dirty, I see.
Okay, it's off.  What can I do for you...Fox?"

Mulder rolled his eyes.  "I need to go back into that lab,"
he said quietly.

"How's Alex Krycek?" asked Frohike calmly.

Thanks, Scully, he thought sardonically.  "He's not doing
so great," he said.  "That's why I'm going back in.  I need
to get hold of a palm pilot."

"Pretty risky, since they're sure to be on full alert after
your break-in," said Frohike.

"Yes, I know," said Mulder, annoyed.  "Will you help me
or not?"

"Sure, Mulder," the little man answered.  "Whatever you
need."

"Thanks, Frohike," said Mulder, smiling over the phone.
"I'll call you back when I've worked out the details."

"We'll be waiting with bated breath," said Frohike dryly.

Mulder laughed politely.  "See ya later," he said, and he
hung up.

"Dragging more people in with you to get killed," Krycek
said in a low rasp.

"Damn it, Alex!" Mulder stalked over to the bed and stood
over him, glaring.  "I'm doing this, all right?  I get it that
you don't want me to.  I get it that you think I'm a fucking
loon.  But if you don't stop getting in my way, I'm gonna
go in there with less than I need the way I did in Russia,
and then I really will get myself into trouble."  Mulder
narrowed his eyes, as willing as Krycek as to play the
almighty guilt card.

"Fuck," Alex muttered, closing his eyes on Mulder's
intense stare.  He just laid there, breathing, for several
moments, and Mulder just stood over him, waiting.  "All
right," he finally grated out.  "I'll tell you everything I
know."

"Ooh baby, talk dirty to me," said Mulder, grinning and
sitting down on his bed.  "If you wanted to get me in bed,
Alex, that's all you ever had to say to me, you know."

Krycek's eyes narrowed, but they sparkled behind his
scowl.  And then he started telling Mulder everything he
knew about the facility in which he'd been a prisoner for
three long weeks.

At the end of the intense discussion, Mulder was nodding
and stroking his thumb back and forth across his lip
thoughtfully.

"I used to just look at your hands and get hard," said
Krycek quietly, eyes fixed on where Mulder was touching
his mouth.

Mulder let out a breath, stopped, then lowered his hand,
looking at it.  "My hands?" he asked a little breathlessly.

Krycek nodded.  "I didn't even let myself look at your
mouth," he added, one corner of his own lips quirking up
slightly.

Mulder found himself licking his lips and watched as
Krycek's eyes darkened, tracking the movement.  "You
know that night in the car, when I came down from
Marita's apartment?" he said, voice breathy.

Krycek nodded, blinking slowly as he looked up from
Mulder's mouth to his eyes once again.

"I had you cuffed to the car, and I came down and saw you
sleeping there, head thrown back, looking so..."  He
sighed.  "Young and innocent, I guess.  It made me so
angry."

"You hit me," breathed Krycek.

Mulder nodded, closing his eyes.  "That's not what I
wanted to do, though," he said, opening them and looking
into Krycek's rapt gaze.  "I wanted to just grab you by that
too-short hair and shove your face down into my lap," he
ground out, eyes narrowing in lust and remembered
frustration.

Krycek's mouth dropped open on a panting breath.  "I
wanted that, too, Mulder.  I was even halfway
hoping...maybe since you were keeping me cuffed...that
you'd...force me or something..." he trailed off, looking
down shame-facedly.

"I'm no rapist," murmured Mulder.

"No, I know," said Krycek softly.  "Just...wishful thinking
on my part, I guess."  He smiled self-deprecatingly and
shook his head.  "I never expected you to actually want me.
Ever.  I thought maybe you'd wanna do that just to...hurt
me.  I figured it was all I'd ever get."

Mulder sighed.  How could he blame Krycek, given that
Mulder had never, since their partnership, shown him
anything but violence and cruelty, disdain and detachment.
Until now.  He stood up, then bent in and just brushed a
short lock of hair away from Krycek's temple.  Krycek
sighed, closing his eyes.

"Why don't you try to rest?" suggested Mulder.  "I'm
gonna make a couple of phone calls."  He watched as the
crinkle appeared between Krycek's brows, and he satisfied
another fantasy of his by brushing the pad of his ring finger
very, very softly over it, smoothing it out.  "Don't worry,
Alex," he said quietly.  "I'm actually pretty good at this
shit.  I got you out, didn't I?"

Krycek sighed and nodded.  "I know you're good, Mulder.
I know you're good."

Mulder thought about making another sexual innuendo,
but Krycek's deadly serious face seemed to preclude that,
so he just pulled back and left Krycek with his eyes still
closed, going for his phone.

He arranged for Scully to arrive in the morning, and his
plan was to fly back and meet the Gunmen, then break into
the facility that night, with the objective of getting a palm
pilot and the master programming for Krycek's nanocytes
and then getting back out quickly.

When he got off the phone, he went over to the bed again,
bending in and pressing his lips very softly to Krycek's
high, cool, smooth forehead.  He looked so young, so
pretty when he was asleep, pink lips slightly parted, long
lashes sweeping down over pale cheeks.  He looked like an
angel and a devil all in one.  Mulder smiled, excited by the
contrast, delighted to get to see both sides of him now.  He
stepped back and pushed his sweats down, then climbed
into bed naked, and spent a couple of hours staring at the
ceiling, visualizing a successful mission, before finally
drifting off to sleep.

He was surprised to find that he actually slept in until he
woke to the sound of knocking on the door.  He rolled out
of bed, yawning, and saw that Krycek was already awake,
glancing from the door to Mulder, frowning.

"It's Scully...I think," said Mulder, scrubbing his hand
through his hair.  He stood up and walked toward the door,
scratching his stomach.

"Um, Mulder," said Krycek quietly.

"Hmm?" Mulder turned, fingers still scratching at the
patches of dried semen he'd missed in his cleanup efforts
the day before.

"You're nude," said Krycek, pursing his lips.

Mulder looked down, arched his brows, then amidst
another set of knocks on the door, went back over and
slipped into his sweatpants.  "Thanks," he said as he passed
Krycek's bed.

"Don't mention it," Krycek said with a nod.

Mulder went to the door, peeked out the viewhole, and
yep, sure enough, there was Scully's worried, fresh-
scrubbed face.  "Morning, Scully," he said, swinging the
door wide to admit her.

"Good morning, Mulder," she said, giving him a cocked
eyebrow and walking past, carrying her bags in and setting
them inside the door.  She didn't greet Krycek, just giving
him a quick glance before turning back to Mulder, who
was shutting the door.  "So, what's the situation?" she
asked, like a doctor coming on duty.

"Um, I guess we'll have breakfast, then I'll take off for
DC," he said, sitting on the end of his bed.  It was then that
he noticed that Krycek had pulled the blankets up over his
half-naked body.  Mulder frowned at his own
thoughtlessness.  He'd have to get Scully out of the room
and get Krycek's shorts on before she left.  The sleep fog
cleared from his brain rapidly as it kicked into gear.

"What's the status of Krycek?" she asked, all business.

"Well, for starters, I'm right here behind you," Krycek
muttered.

Scully ignored him.  Mulder frowned.  "He needs help
getting to the bathroom and back, although he's fine once
he gets in there."

"This is going to be one big party," murmured Krycek.

Scully just nodded.  "Can he get into the wheelchair by
himself?" she asked, nodding to where it was parked in the
corner.

"I...think so," said Mulder, giving Krycek a look.  Krycek
nodded curtly, looking determined.  "He's taking the meds
every four hours or so...guess you know that part...he
probably won't need a..." Mulder swallowed.
"...spongebath until I get back."  Then he blushed,
realizing how that sounded.

Scully nodded again.  "And this is the menu for room
service, and the hotel numbers?" she said, going over to the
nightstand and picking it up.

"Yeah, everything's on my George Hale card, so
just...enjoy yourself, Scully," Mulder said, gesturing to the
room.

Scully gave him a tight, wincing smile.

"Okay then, I guess I'll get into the shower and change,
then we can have some breakfast and whatnot," he said,
looking at both of them.  Krycek glared sullenly and Scully
nodded coolly.  Mulder sighed and headed into the
bathroom, careful to grab his bag before he went in.

When he came back out, Scully was sitting at the table, her
back to Krycek, tapping away at a notebook computer.
Mulder ran his hands through his wet hair and glanced
over at Krycek, who gave him a second's worth of scowl
before returning to staring at CNN on the television.  He
started to think that he had the better part of the deal,
risking his life breaking into an experimental facility
where they tortured people to see how quickly they could
heal them and do it again.

They ordered breakfast, and Scully went down to the drug
store to pick up new meds, giving Mulder the opportunity
to quickly get a pair of shorts on Krycek after helping him
make a trip to the bathroom.  Krycek gave him no more
than grunts as replies to his questions, refusing to look him
in the eye, obviously not happy with the impending day or
two of Scully-care.  Mulder gave up trying to talk with
either of them, and when Scully returned, he grabbed up
his things, giving them both a hasty good-bye before
catching his flight home.

...

Scully was tapping away at the laptop, glasses perched on
her nose when she stopped, fingers still poised over the
keys.  "If he gets hurt, Krycek, I'll kill you myself," she
said softly, not looking at him.  She stared at the report in
front of her, lips pursed.

"I know," she heard Krycek rasp out behind her.

She said nothing, returning to her report.  When she was
finished, she packed everything up into her bag and walked
over to the television, scanning the guide.  She saw there
was a Lifetime Movie Network miniseries on that she'd
enjoyed before, and went over to Mulder's bed, wrinkling
her nose in distaste before making it and carefully
perching in the middle of it, cross-legged.  She changed the
channel, putting on the show.  She pointedly did not look
at Krycek, pretending he was not in the room.

She didn't have to care about him, just keep him alive and
safe until Mulder's return.  She readjusted herself on the
bed with a put-out sigh.  She found it very hard to
concentrate on the movie in front of her, feeling Krycek's
eyes on her from time to time, a million questions running
through her head.

"Let me know if you need to use the bathroom," she said
without looking at him, not letting herself feel petty for
rubbing in his vulnerable condition.  When he didn't
answer, she glanced over at him and he nodded once.  She
went back to watching the show until her cellphone rang.
She fished it out and sighed as she read on the display that
it was Mulder.  She noticed Krycek's keen alertness as she
answered.

"Scully."

"Hey Scully, it's me.  Just letting you know I got into DC
and I'm heading over to the guys'.  How's Krycek?"

Well, she thought, at least he's not calling him `Alex'
anymore.  Maybe a little distance was just what he needed
to get his head together.  "He's fine," she said, glancing
over at him and watching him swallow.  "We're watching
the Lifetime channel," she said, smiling smugly.

"Damn, Scully, talk about cruel and unusual punishment,"
replied Mulder.

"He is not my friend or my partner or my...roommate,"
she said coolly.  "He is my prisoner, Mulder, and I have no
interest in his programming tastes whatsoever."

Mulder sighed over the phone.  "Scully, I really appreciate
this.  I know how hard it must be for you, with the history
between the two of you."

"I don't have personal feelings about him like you always
have, Mulder," she said, glancing over again, feeling
Krycek's eyes on her like too-hot rays of sun.  "He's just a
criminal.  A thug.  One of their errand boys.  I'm here
because you asked me to be, and frankly, Mulder, I have no
idea what's gotten into you."

"I...I don't have time to get into it," Mulder said, sounding
miserable.  "Just...try to be..." he trailed off.

"Nice?" Scully asked tightly.  "Mulder, I will keep him
alive and unharmed to the best of my ability until you
return to...take custody of him again.  I'm not going to
promise anything more than that."

"Thanks, Scully," said Mulder quietly.  "Guess I'll get
going.  Tell Krycek...never mind."

"Good-bye Mulder.  Godspeed," said Scully, punching the
End button.  She tossed the phone on the bed, settling in to
watch the end of the movie.

"Thanks," said Krycek very quietly.

"For what?" Scully squinted at the screen.

"Taking care of me...not arresting me...not shooting
me..." Krycek's voice dropped close to a whisper.

Scully lifted her chin.  "I don't hold any personal grudges
against you, Krycek.  I never have.  We have no charges to
hold you on, and I'm a doctor.  You're in need.  I took an
oath."

Krycek cleared his throat.  "Why did you...stop Mulder
from...shooting me, that night?" he asked huskily.

"To save him from taking the fall for your dirty work,"
answered Scully dispassionately.  She turned on the bed,
facing him coldly.  "It had nothing to do with your safety.
Mulder was out of his head, and killing you would have
ruined his life.  I simply stopped him to protect him from
himself."

Krycek's eyes narrowed, and he blinked.  "Thanks, Scully."

She became angry.  "I told you, Krycek!  I didn't do it for
you, I did it for him!" she said, voice rising.  She could
almost understand why Mulder would want to hit him.  He
could be extremely infuriating in his cold indifference.

"I know," he said quietly.  "Thanks."

Scully let out an incredulous gasp.  "Oh, what?  You expect
me to believe you...care about Mulder?  Is that the game
you're playing, Krycek?  Making Mulder think you give a
damn about him like you did when you were his..." She
ground out the word.  "Partner?"

Krycek squinted and chewed his lip.

"Well, you might have Mulder fooled with that act, but
you don't fool me," said Scully.  "And by God, Krycek, if
he gets himself hurt or...killed," she ground out.  "...over
YOU, I tell you I will pull the trigger myself and remove
you from this life for good."  She was actually shaking
when she finished speaking, and she tucked her hair behind
her ear compulsively, willing her heart to slow down.

"You won't have to," said Krycek, looking at her levelly.

"What?" she snapped, irritated.

"Scully," Krycek said, then sighed.  "I do care about what
happens to him.  I care about him," he said, almost too
quietly to hear.

"You CARE about him?  Krycek, what makes you think I
even believe you know it means to care about anybody?
You're a murderer!  You kill people for a living!  Even if
you think you have some...fascination with Mulder or
some sick attraction, I'll never believe there's any actual
feeling there."

"I love him," said Krycek in a choked breath.

Scully gasped.  She just stared at him, blinking, watching
as the deep, dark eyes in front of hers blinked back tears.
God, was the man shameless?  Faking tears to make her
believe him?  No wonder Mulder had been sucked in by
him.

"You...do not...love Mulder..." she said tightly.

"I do," he replied quietly.  "I know I've fucked up his life
repeatedly, Scully, but I love him more than anything."
His voice cracked, and he swallowed hard.

"Oh my God," breathed Scully.  She backed away from him
and climbed off the other side of the bed, shaking her head.
"Oh my God!" she repeated.  "You...this is why he's
risking his life, isn't it?  You told him you loved him to get
him to go after that technology for you?  What are you,
some kind of monster?"

"No, Scully, no!  I tried to get him not to go!" said Krycek,
sitting up, eyes glistening.  "I never told him!  I swear it
Scully, I never told him!"

"Does he...does he think you..."  She couldn't say the
words, just firming her lips and gritting her teeth.

"I...don't think so...I don't know," said Krycek miserably,
dropping his gaze finally.

"Just...don't talk to me!" Scully finally yelled, turning and
heading for the bathroom.  "Not one word!"  She slammed
the door behind her and paced, tears streaming down her
face.

It couldn't be true.  It couldn't!  Krycek was just a really
good con artist, and he was trying to convince her so that
she would let her guard down and let him hurt Mulder
again.  She dashed the tears from her eyes and bent over
the sink, rinsing her face with cold water.

She knew she couldn't stop Mulder.  She'd been through
this with him enough times to know that trying to stop
him would only make him rush headlong into danger
faster, so she hadn't even really tried.  She had suspected
that Krycek had given Mulder some kind of sob story, been
acting sicker or more badly injured than he was or
something, and had aroused Mulder's natural sympathetic
nature and curiosity to the point of no return, whereupon
Mulder had made the decision to go on this dangerous
mission.  She had always known that Mulder had a
strange...connection with Krycek.  She'd assumed that it
was due to their short partnership, that Mulder had a hard
time with the fact that Krycek had turned out to be so
worthless.  Mulder never liked to give up on anybody.

She patted her face dry on a towel and exited the bathroom,
holding her chin high.  She went back over to the table,
which was as far as she could get away from Krycek
without leaving the room, and pulled out her laptop,
determined to immerse herself in work while she waited
for Mulder's return.  Krycek said nothing, eyes closed,
head lying back against the pillows.  But she knew he was
awake.  I will see you suffer if he gets hurt, she told him
silently.  I swear it.  And she booted up her computer.

She wasn't able to sleep, checking her watch and thinking
about Mulder all night, but finally she curled up on her
side on top of the blankets, facing away from Krycek, who
had not opened his eyes or his mouth since Scully's tirade
earlier in the evening.  She was praying for Mulder's safe
return once again when her phone chirped, and she jumped
up, grabbing it quickly.

"Scully," she said breathlessly.  She looked at the clock and
saw that it was just past three in the morning.  She also
saw that Krycek was awake and pushing himself up on the
bed.

"Scully, it's Melvin.  Melvin Frohike."

"Yes, Frohike, I know.  What is it?  Where's Mulder?"

Krycek swallowed loudly beside her, and she couldn't help
but frown over at him a moment.

"He got the palm pilot, Scully, but...he was hurt.  He's in
the hospital."

"Hospital?" Scully gasped.  "How is he?  What happened?"

"He's not..." Krycek gasped, ignoring her earlier orders.
"They didn't get him, did they?"

"He got shot trying to run away," Frohike explained.  "In
the leg.  It nicked the femoral artery, so it was close, but
he's gonna be okay."

"God, not again," breathed Scully, remembering a similar
injury.  A wound like that could easily be fatal.  She turned
and glared at Krycek.

"He's asleep right now.  They just removed the bullet.  I'll
make sure he calls you as soon as he wakes up."

"Thank you, Frohike," sighed Scully.  "Thank you.  Please
call me if anything changes."

"Will do," said Frohike.  "You call us if you need anything,
okay?"

"I will," said Scully, nodding.  "Thanks."

"Anytime, Scully.  Good night," said Frohike.

"Good night," said Scully, and she punched the end button,
laying the phone on the bed with a sigh.

"How is he?  Is he all right?" asked Krycek, pushing
himself upright.

She frowned at him.

"Scully, please...please!" he said, eyes wild.

"He got the palmtop," she said coolly.

"Who gives a fuck!" yelled Krycek.  "Scully, is he all right?
What's going on?"

She took a deep breath in and exhaled, willing herself to
stay calm in the face of Krycek's outburst.  "He got shot as
he was running away," she said, wondering why the hell
she was even telling him.

"Shot where?" asked Krycek breathlessly.

Scully frowned again.

"Scully, please!" Krycek begged, raking his hand through
his hair.

"In the leg, the thigh," she said angrily.  "He's in the
hospital recovering from surgery right now," she went on,
narrowing her eyes.  "It hit the femoral artery.  He could
have died."  She glared at him defiantly.

"Shit," Krycek said, throwing his head back against the
headboard.  "Shit," he said, his lip quivering, voice
breaking.  Then he opened his eyes, sitting up again.  "You
have to go to him," he said roughly.  "You have to make
sure he's okay.  You're his doctor...and his partner.  He
needs you," he finished in a voice like gravel.

Scully blinked, lips parted.  "But...you..."she said
helplessly, torn between her need to go to Mulder and her
promise to stay with Krycek.

"Go!" he yelled, tears catching in his lashes, shocking her.
"Don't worry about me!  I'll call somebody!"  He made a
fist in his lap, blinking rapidly.  "I've got people I can
call."

Scully frowned, completely indecisive.  Krycek was totally
vulnerable, that much she could see for herself.  And she'd
promised Mulder she'd take care of him.  But Mulder was
hurt, and he needed her himself, now, and Krycek was a
grown man, able to make his own decisions.  She nodded,
swallowing.  "I'll...I'll catch the first flight back," she said
hesitantly, bewildered by Krycek's behavior.  If she went
back now, leaving Krycek to his own defenses, and
something happened to him...she knew Mulder would
never forgive her.  "Wait," she said, sighing.  "I'm taking
you with me."

Krycek gasped, eyes wide.

"I told Mulder I'd take care of you.  I don't break my
promises," she said accusatorily.

"Scully," Krycek breathed.  "Thank you.  I can't...I owe
you, Scully.  Anything you want.  Anything."

"I don't want anything from you, Krycek, except for you to
leave Mulder alone," she said, raising her chin.

"But...I thought..."

"I'm not doing this for you, Krycek.  I'm not taking you to
him.  I'm just keeping a promise."

Krycek blinked, then nodded.

"Oh, I forgot.  The palmtop.  I'll make sure you get it," she
said, angered by the dramatics Krycek was putting on.
"I'm putting you under guard in a private medical facility
until such time as you are well enough to leave under your
own power.  Because I told Mulder I would take care of
you," she repeated.  "Not to do you any favors."

Krycek sighed, then nodded, blinking.  "Whatever you say,
Scully."

Scully nodded.  Maybe after nearly losing his life while
trying to save Krycek's, Mulder would realize how insane
he was being and just let Scully turn over the palmtop,
ending his recent foray into madness with Krycek.  Scully
picked up the phone, making the necessary preparations to
travel with a patient, praying that it was so.

...

She finally got Krycek tucked away in a small, private
hospital, posting the Gunmen as guard, and hurried to
Mulder's hospital.  She walked into Mulder's room after
being told by a nurse that he was awake.

"Hi," she smiled brightly.

He frowned.  "Where's Alex?" he asked, looking behind
her.

Her smile faltered.  "He's in a private hospital, Mulder.
He's fine."

"What happened?  Why is he in the hospital?" asked
Mulder, sitting up.

"Because I wanted to see you," said Scully, now doubting
her own decision.  "I've got the Lone Gunmen keeping
watch on him, and he's in the hospital under a fake name."

"You've got to get the palmtop to him Scully.  He isn't safe
there."

Scully sighed.  "Mulder, I'm more concerned about you.
How's your leg?  How do you feel?"

"I'm fine, Scully," said Mulder.  "You need to take him the
palmtop.  Please, Scully.  Just take it to him so he can get
healed up, then I'll be able to relax."

"All right, I'll take it over.  But Mulder, when I get back,
we're going to have to have a talk."  Scully sighed.
"Where is it?"

"I had the guys take it to my apartment," said Mulder.  "It's
under the couch, taped to the bottom.  Hurry, Scully."

Scully nodded, frowning and turning to leave.

"Thank you," said Mulder as she reached the door.

"You're welcome," she said, closing it behind her.

She headed over to Mulder's apartment, using her key to
get in and get the palmtop and the tiny disk attached to it,
feeding Mulder's pathetic fish and heading over to the
hospital, annoyed.  She checked in with the Gunmen, who
were camped on chairs outside the room, scanning for
anyone who might get within nano-range.  They reported
having seen nothing unusual, and she went into the room,
frowning.

"Scully, how is he?" Krycek said, sitting up in bed.

Dj vu, she thought dryly.  "He's awake," she said coolly.
"I've brought you the palmtop."  She pulled it out of her
bag, handing it over, glad to be rid of it, seeing its leaving
as a sign that perhaps Krycek would leave now, too.

"Thanks," he said, taking it carefully.  He looked down at
it, running his thumb over the display.

"You're welcome," she said, wondering why she said it
even as the words left her lips.  She turned to leave, having
nothing else to say to this man.

"I owe you, Scully," Krycek said.  "I owe you both."

Scully said nothing, leaving the room and closing the door
behind her.  "Thanks, guys," she told Langly and Byers,
who were reading magazines in chairs in the hallway,
giving Frohike a break.

"No problem," said Langly.  Byers just smiled at her.

"He should be able to leave very soon," Scully said.  "The
nanos work incredibly fast, according to Mulder."

"Far out," said Langly.  "I wonder if he'd let us play with it
once he's done healing himself."

"I'll leave that between the two of you to work out," she
said, smiling unamusedly.  "I have to get back to Mulder,
now."

"Tell him hello from us," said Byers.  "Please?"

"Of course," she said, genuinely smiling now.  "I'll talk to
you later."

She left the hospital and drove across town to the other
one, heading back up to the room she'd visited just hours
before.

"How is he?" said Mulder upon seeing her.

Hello to you, too, she thought but didn't say.  "He's fine,
Mulder.  I gave him the palmtop."

"Did he use it?  Is he healed?" Mulder asked, frowning.

"I left as soon as he had it," said Scully, losing patience.
"Mulder, what is it with you and him?  Why in the world
do you care so much?"

Mulder sighed, closing his eyes and sinking back against
his pillows.  "It's hard to explain," he said quietly.

"Well try," said Scully, less than patient, pulling up a
chair.

"I've always...felt this...thing around him," said Mulder,
looking uncomfortable.  "It was there from the beginning,
really."

"You're attracted to him," Scully clarified, trying not to
sound judgemental.

"Yes," said Mulder, not looking at her.  He stared at his
hands.  "And he's attracted to me, Scully.  He said so."

That's not all he said, thought Scully, frowning.  "Mulder,
I don't think you're thinking straight, here," she said, and
Mulder laughed.

"Great choice of words, Scully," he said, and she was so
happy to see him smile again that she smiled back, ducking
her head.

"That's not what I meant," she said.  Then she sobered.  "I
know you really wanted to trust him, Mulder.  I know you
really liked him when he was your partner, when they split
us up."

"I'm sorry, Scully," said Mulder, looking sad.

"It's okay," said Scully.  "I was jealous, don't get me
wrong, but I'm over that now."  She gave him a gentle
smirk to reassure him, and was happy to see him smile
back.

"I didn't know you were jealous," he said.

"How could I not be?" she asked.  "You two hit it off so
quickly.  Mulder, you didn't even trust me that quickly,"
she said, brows arched.

Mulder sighed.

"So I knew there was something between you, even though
I didn't know you had that kind of...interest...in him," she
said, feeling herself color slightly.  The thought of the two
of them together...sexually...made her a little breathless.

"I didn't really either," said Mulder quietly.  "I mean,
you're right.  I really liked him.  And if he'd stayed around
a little longer..."  Mulder trailed off, voice soft.

"But he didn't, Mulder.  He turned out not to be what you
thought he was.  He was playing you," she said, trying to
be gentle and realizing she was failing.

(Continued in part 7)
 
Part 7
See part 0 for story information.


"I know," said Mulder, blinking.  "But Scully," he looked
up.  "I think he really cares about me, too.  He didn't want
to hurt me."

Scully took a breath and let it out slowly, remembering
Krycek's breathless confession.  And his assurance that he
hadn't given it to Mulder.  It appeared that he was telling
the truth.  Mulder wasn't telling her Krycek loved him,
just that he thought Krycek cared about him.  "What are
you going to do now?" she asked helplessly.

"I don't know," said Mulder.  "I just...Scully, I couldn't
watch him suffer, and then knowing the cancer was
activated..." he swallowed, looking down again.  "I'm
sorry, Scully.  I know you don't care about him.  I know
you can't just use the nanos to get rid of it like he can.  I'm
sorry."  His voice fell to a whisper as his eyes closed.

Scully licked her lips and looked around the room, feeling
panicky at mention of her own illness.  She didn't
begrudge Krycek the nanos.  They made him a slave to
whomever held the palmtop, just as the implant made her
one.  Would she trade one for the other?  She didn't know.
And it didn't matter.  She wasn't given the choice.  He was.

"Did you...tell him where I was?" Mulder asked, opening
his eyes but staring at his lap.

"I...no, actually, I didn't," replied Scully.  "But he could
probably get it from the Gunmen."

Mulder nodded, not looking at her.  "Do you have a
number for him?" he said, almost too quietly to hear.

Scully sighed.  "Yes," she said, reaching into her bag and
pulling out a piece of paper.  She laid it on the bedside
table, standing.

"Where are you going?" Mulder asked, looking up at her
with his hounddog face.  She absolutely hated that face.  It
was heart-breaking.

"I have to check in with Skinner," she said.  "He's asking
after you.  I'll check back with you later," she said, giving
him a reassuring smile.  She didn't want him to hurt.  She
couldn't stand to see it.

Mulder smiled back wanly, nodding.  "I'll see you later."

Scully touched his hand and then turned to leave the room.
She stopped at the door.  "Be careful, Mulder," she said,
then she walked out, closing the door behind her.

...

Mulder watched her leave, then looked over at the paper
on the table.  He reached for it with a weak hand, reaching
for the room phone with the other.  He let it ring several
times, then the main desk picked up.

"Jesse Northrup Medical Center," said the female voice.

"I'm trying to reach the patient in room 45," Mulder said.

"All right, just a moment," said the woman, and Mulder
sighed, waiting.  "That patient has checked out," said the
woman.  "Just about an hour ago.  He didn't leave any
contact information.  Paid in cash."

Mulder sighed, closing his eyes.  "Thank you," he said, and
he hung up the phone.

He waited the rest of the day, hoping for a visit or just a
call, but heard no word from Krycek.  Scully visited him
in the evening, and he didn't bother telling her what she
probably already knew, not ready to hear her `I told you
so's.  She left and he requested more pain medication,
hoping it would dull the pain enough to let him get some
sleep.

He was deeply asleep, doped on morphine, when he heard
the door to his room open and close quietly.  He struggled
to blink his eyes open, dazed from the medication.

"Time for your spongebath," said a low, hushed voice.

"Alex," Mulder gasped, eyes flying open.  He looked up
into the dark of the room to see Krycek standing over him,
grinning.

"Hey, Mulder."

Mulder pulled himself up in bed, swooning a bit and
blinking away the dizziness.  He felt Krycek's hands come
down on his shoulders, steadying him.  He gasped.  Hands.
Two of them.  He lifted his own hands, laying them on top
of them.  "Alex...your arm..."

"All the better to grope you with," said Krycek, grinning
evilly.

"It worked.  The palmtop worked, I don't believe it," said
Mulder, feeling lightheaded with shock as well as the
drugs in his system.

"Yeah, it worked," said Krycek, putting his hand on
Mulder's face.  "You did it."

Mulder closed his eyes, turning into the soft palm...not
calloused, like the other one, soft like a child's...and
pressing his lips against it, sighing.  He'd been afraid that
once Krycek was healed, he'd distance himself from
Mulder, as if the last few days hadn't happened.  A fear
that had only grown when Krycek hadn't contacted him
right away.  "Why didn't you come sooner," he said, hating
how needy he sounded.  "I was worried."

"You're being watched," said Krycek.  "I couldn't take the
chance.  I'm sorry."

"I thought...maybe you..."  Mulder bit his lip.

Krycek smoothed his new thumb over it, sighing.  "This
hand, this arm, these legs...they're yours, Mulder.  You
gave them back to me, so they're yours now."  He smiled
down at Mulder in the darkness.

"Can I have the rest of the package, too?" asked Mulder,
one corner of his mouth lifting up in a hopeful smirk.

"It's all yours," said Krycek, leaning in and pressing his
lips against Mulder's.

Mulder moaned and kissed him, reaching up and pulling
him in closer with both arms, feeling both of Krycek's
arms sliding around him, hot through the thin cotton of his
hospital gown.

Krycek pulled back, gasping and licking his lips.

"Where are you going?" asked Mulder breathlessly.

"You're in no condition," said Krycek, looking down at his
bandaged leg.

"That never stopped you," said Mulder, arching his brows.

Krycek smiled.  Then the smile faded.  "I have to go,
Mulder.  They're hot on my tail.  They know it was my
programming that disappeared, so everyone's on the
lookout for me now more than ever.  I have to disappear
for awhile."

Mulder frowned, his throat closing.  He was going to lose
him.  After all they'd done, all they'd been through, Krycek
was going to disappear again, like always.

"I don't want to leave," said Krycek, frowning deeply.  He
must have seen the thoughts Mulder was having reflected
in his eyes.  "I'll come back when I can," he whispered.
"As soon as I can.  I promise."

Mulder blinked, licking his lips, trying not to beg Alex to
stay.  He knew what kind of life the man led, had known
from the beginning that they couldn't just walk off into the
sunset together.  He just hadn't anticipated the end coming
so soon.  He almost wished he hadn't gotten the palmtop,
so that he could have his wounded Krycek, helpless and in
his hotel room at his mercy.  He swallowed back that
selfish thought and nodded.  "Be careful," he said through
his tight throat.

"I will," said Krycek.  "You too, Mulder."  He bent in and
brushed Mulder's lips again, then stepped away, his hand
sliding from Mulder's body.  Mulder used every bit of his
willpower not to reach for him as he watched him turn and
walk toward the door.  Then Krycek stopped, still facing
the door.  "I love you, you know," he said, voice choked.

"I know," said Mulder.  Krycek nodded and stepped
through the door, and Mulder watched it close behind him.
He turned his head into the pillow and let silent tears fall.

............................................................

END

satina@hegalplace.com




### The End ###