A little piece of election-eve silliness. Its inspiration is quoted at the end. _______________________________ "Trust No one But..... - by Sara VanLooy 10/29/96 ********* Tuesday, November 5, 1996 FBI Headquarters Office of the X-files ------ "Mulder, are you coming?" Fox Mulder peered at his partner over the top of his reading glasses. She was standing in the doorway with her coat on, looking at him expectantly. "Coming where?" he asked, his eyes straying back towards his file. "You remember." Her voice was patient, but he caught the slight rising tone. "Oh, that!" "Yes, Mulder. That." One low-heeled taupe pump was tapping now. Time to go. With a sigh, he put down the file and picked up his coat. "Yeah, Scully. Wouldn't want to miss Cottledge's election party. How else would we find out who wins?" ****** Someplace in Georgetown Later that Evening Agent Fritz Cottledge was well known for his Election Eve parties, so the turnout at his house was large. Groups of people were gathered in his large family room in front of the 30 inch TV, alternately cheering or moaning as results came in. Red, white and blue bunting decorating the buffet table, and Mulder saw several agents he recognized from VCU getting into a pretty heavy argument on party politics in the kitchen. He steered clear of them, instead following Scully into the crowd watching TV. "So who'd you vote for, Scully?" he asked, yelling slightly to be heard over the noise. She gave him a look. "You asked me that already. How about telling me who *you* voted for? Or if you even bothered?" He smiled at that, meeting the challenge she glared at him. "C'mon, Scully. None of the people we vote for have anything to do with running the country. They're figureheads. It doesn't matter who they are. Their only real job is to deflect suspicion from the people with the real power." "So what, you scrawled 'Cancerman!' in the write-in blank?" "Ha, ha. He'd never allow himself to be put in the public eye. It would take too much of his time away from running the consortium's plans for global domination." Scully laughed outright at that. "Mulder, you're so...." He hushed her, though, and pointed her attention to the screen. A harried-looking female anchor was speaking. ". . . Election officials are still unclear. With 75% of precincts reporting, Clinton has only 25% of the vote, while only 15% of the electorate appears to have voted for Dole...." "What?" Scully's jaw was open. "Not Perot?" Her confusion was echoed by the others in the room. Mulder shrugged. "Could be. If enough people cast protest votes...." The anchor continued. "Ross Perot is nowhere to be seen on the tallies so far, with less than one-half of one percent of votes cast for him..." "Or not...." Mulder finished. At that moment, he saw their host making his way through the crowd towards him. "Skinner's on the phone in the den. He wants to speak to you. And Scully." Exchanging resigned looks, the two agents pushed through the guests. It wasn't unusual to be called in the evening to take a case, but it looked as though they would be missing interesting news. Mulder picked up the phone. "Mulder." "I want to see the two of you in my office in 20 minutes." "Sir?" "Twenty minutes, Mulder." He heard the 'click' as Skinner hung up. He looked up at his partner. "Guess its time to go." As they crossed the back of the living room to get their coats, they could easily hear the television set. No one was saying a word; their eyes were all focused entirely on the screen, where a woman was being interviewed. ". . . And I know I planned to pull the lever to vote the straight party line, but suddenly I found myself filling in the write-in blank. I don't really know why." The woman's voice was plaintive. "Can you tell us who you wrote in, Ma'am?" the reporter asked. "I really can't say...." ******* Office of the Assistant Director 20 Minutes later "Do you have an explanation for this, Agent Mulder?" "No, sir. None." "What about you, Agent Scully? Anything you haven't told us?" "N-No, Sir." Skinner turned his back on them and stared out his window into the darkness. "The FEC people will want to talk to you." "Yes sir." Mulder said. He glanced at his partner out of the corner of her eye. She was standing stiffly upright, but the look of glazed horror on her face made him worry; she looked like she was about to hyperventilate. He could hear her speaking softly under her breath. "This can't be happening. This can't be legal. It just can't be...." Skinner wheeled around and glared at her. "Agent Scully. This *is* happening. Until the electoral congress meets, until the Supreme Court figures out the constitutional implications, and until the Federal Election Commission figures out whether this all is legal or not . . . you and your partner are the President and Vice-President Elect." Skinner paused to give impact to his words. Scully blanched even whiter. "Now go home and get out of my sight." Mulder nearly had to carry Scully out of Skinner's office, and he was wishing there was someone to carry him. Word was already leaking out; as he tightened his grip on Scully's elbow and hustled them both down the hall he could hear whistles and whispers. He was grateful when the elevator doors closed, but no sooner were they alone than his partner delivered a sound box to his ear. "If this is some prank of the Lone Gunmen, I will hunt them down and destroy them. I will sow their offices with salt. I will.... " she tapered off, her mind still not moving quickly enough to think of pain great enough. "This isn't their style, Scully. They like us. They wouldn't do this to us..." They rode in silence for awhile, until Scully broke the quiet in a very small voice. "What are we going to do?" "I don't know. Maybe we should start picking a cabinet." With a snort, she cuffed him again. ***** The man rested his cigarette in the crystal dish next to his deep leather chair. Casually, he stretched his hand out to recieve the item his associate was offering. Turning it over and over in his hand, he listened as the associate made his report. " . . . And we've retrieved the devices from CNN, ABC, and NBC. The main satellite uplink for CBS is in LA, so we'll have that in a couple of hours. The results pretty much show how effective they were-- and we only used them during nationally broadcast political ads." "Excellent," the seated man said, inhaling from his cigarette and replacing it in the dish. "Any problems?" "well, our contact at Fox is dragging his feet. He's got some ideas for programming. And of course, we're going to have to facilitate the FEC and the Court." "Not a problem." The smoker waved his hands to express the insignificance of these worries. "Eliminate the troublemaker. We've already made the necessary arrangments regarding the other matters." He watched as the man left. The Smoker smiled a wide, crooked, feral smile. Mulder and his little sidekick would have their hands very full for the next four years. Far too full to be able to interfere in his plans. ---end--- "Mulder and Scully in '96. Trust No One But Them" --bumpersticker