"TRUTH" by Heather Hgct73@aol.com Spoilers: Milagro Summary: Scully thinks about her heart, her life, and Mulder. Category: post-ep, Scully POV, MSR Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, they belong to Chris Carter and 1013. I am just borrowing them. Archival: Gossamer, ATXC, and Ephemeral, please. Feedback: please! Hgct73@aol.com Dedication: I would like to dedicate this to the Monday Night Ladies. You have no idea how much fun it has been getting to know you all. Lindsey. Thanks so much linz for all your encouragement and for being such a huge support to me with my writing. Dawn, thank you too for your wonderful creativity and encouragment. Michelle, thankyou for beta reading and helping with my comma problem. TRUTH by Heather hgct73@aol.com The silence and peace are what I have come searching for in this place. Do I come to find truth? Perhaps but I know it isn't here in this building. I know the truth is in me. This time not the truth of our work but the truth of my heart. And that is what I have sought out here today. When I left the office I found myself not driving to my apartment, nor Mulder's. Instead I found myself driving to the church. As I parked in a restricted area I couldn't help but think of the ease with which I did so because of my privileges as an agent of the federal government. I felt my heart clench in momentary panic reminded again of a man who sought me out in this same place to tell me more about myself than I have ever cared for anyone to know. The beauty of my surroundings were not lost on me but I had one goal in mind once again. To go to the painting. I knelt down in the front pew where I could have a clear view of it. With my eyes open I allowed myself, my true self, both the heart and mind of who I am to come out and help me make sense of the last weeks and what my life had become. I heard his footsteps come down the aisle but stop once he saw me and the position I was in. I think that he hoped that I hadn't noticed him. What he doesn't seem to know is that it's hard not to notice anything in the quiet of a church. I heard a movement and a slight creak. He must be sitting now. I felt his eyes on me a few seconds later. I wouldn't turn around and take in his presence though. Not that I wanted to ignore him it's just I simply needed this time to know myself before I could bring myself to this man. Once again I was sitting in this church with a man who knew me better than he knew himself. When Philip Padgett spoke to me I felt like my world was caving in. I had to concentrate on breathing and standing. All I wanted to do was drop onto the floor and make myself as small as possible to escape him and his knowledge of me. I know in my heart that Mulder knows me the same way. He knows me even more deeply because I have allowed him into my life, as he has allowed me into his. He has seen me both at my worst and my best and yet he is still with me and I know that he would never leave me. He can't. Even the thought of Mulder's knowledge of who I am and the fact that who I am is not always the person I make myself out to be. This thought always gives me momentary twinges of fear. That someone should know me so well. But Mulder is not Philip Padgett. My heart struggles with my mind over this. My heart rejoices that Mulder should know me and yet desire to be with me and love me. At the same time I tremble in fear that he should know me so well, for he can see past the walls I have carefully constructed. But as well as Mulder knows me, I know Mulder. And I can believe in him. Believe in the fact that he doesn't gain knowledge of me to hurt me or cause me pain, even though at times it can be used as such. He gains this knowledge because he wants to know me both for my own benefit and for his. He wants to love and he wants me to be loved. Does he know me so well to know that I want the same? I want to love and be loved. I hear another person coming down the aisle. I am guessing this new person is a priest as he stops to talk to the man silently watching over me. I hear him ask Mulder if something is troubling him. Even as I strain to listen to Mulder's response I can't help but grin as I think of Mulder caught in his silent vigil. He wouldn't have made his presence known to me if it weren't forced. I want him to know that I know he is here and that I am okay. Okay with myself and okay with his presence. I stand brushing down my skirt. I turn and immediately Mulder's eyes are upon me. I grant him a slight smile with my mouth but smile wholeheartedly with my eyes. I walk up the aisle towards him and watch as he turns to respond to the priest. "Nothing is troubling me anymore Father." he responds. The priest nods and continues his procession down the aisle. We greet each other with a slight nod. I stop to stand at the side of the pew where Mulder is still sitting. "This isn't where I would normally expect to find you on a Thursday night Mulder." He simply shrugged. "Did you find what you were looking for, Scully?" "Yes, yes I did." I know he wanted to hear more, wanted me to let him inside. But I couldn't do it, not here. "Did you find what you were looking for Mulder?" "I found who I was looking for." I moved to the side to show him I was ready to leave and that I would like him to walk out with me. He stepped out into the aisle and took his place by my side. His hand going gently to my back, we walked out of the church together. I left with a peace of mind that I hadn't entered with. I hoped to give the same peace to Mulder but I couldn't do it here. As we stepped into the fading sunlight and the heavy door shut behind us I turned to Mulder and asked, "mind if I follow you back to your place?" "I'll be waiting for you," he said, as he went down the steps. End Part 1 TRUTH Part 2 by Heather Standing at the door to Mulder's apartment I was struck with how awkward I felt. I have always enjoyed spending time with Mulder but we usually spent time together under the guise of work. Now I had no such protection nor did I want it. Yet it still felt strange to stand here without a folder in my hand, an excuse to explain my presence. I wanted and needed to be here to put my faith in a man who I had trusted and believed in for so long. To put my trust in action and give him something that I had held back for so long. Before I could bring my hand up to knock the door opened. Mulder smiled slightly and shrugged, "I saw you drive up." I gave him a gentle smile in return and entered his apartment. I hesitated for a slight moment then sat down on the couch. I expected Mulder to sit down beside me but instead he sat down on the coffee table in front of me. "Do you know the story behind the painting Scully?" The same words again by a different man. A man who knew me and a man who saw me being drawn to the painting. "Yes. Do you?" "I found myself suddenly interested in it." Again our mutual insight into each other bypassed any necessary communication. Mulder knew that Padgett has first spoken to me at the church in front of this painting. In an effort to know me better to understand me he had tried to understand everything about something that played a small part of my life. His tenacity is overwhelming but comforting at the same time. Especially when it is directed at me as it often is. I know that I love this man who is sitting before me. I know that I am in love with him with all that I am. We express ourselves in different ways and we love and hurt in different ways for we are different people. But we have had the foundation of our mutual trust for so long. Now I wanted a foundation of love and trust. That no matter how much we may disagree that he may know that I love him beyond all others. That I love him beyond myself. And perhaps most importantly to show him that he makes me feel passion, love and life. That he makes me more than what I am alone. I can't express this in words but I know that he will understand. I never let my eyes drop from his. I wanted him to see the sincerity and love that I possess for him. I took his hand in my own and placed it over my heart. I covered his hand with my own as my eyes clouded with tears. "It's yours." I whispered softly. Mulder knelt down before me and kissed our joined hands that still rested on my heart. He rested his head on our hands and I felt the skin of his cheek, then the tears as they dropped from his eyes. My heart had been joined with another. I had given my heart freely to a man who I loved above all others and he took this gift and returned it to me along with his own heart. The End