From: "Suaine" Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 20:18:59 +0200 Subject: The Truth. Wanna know? Source: direct Title: The Truth. Wanna know? Author: Suaine (saskia@dcse.de) Rating: PG (for little violence - sorry no sex in this one) Classification: VA Spoilers: Several up to end of season seven Keywords: Character Death. Summary: When Mulder finally learns about the truth. There's no happy end, sorry. Disclaimer: I don't own them. Mulder, Scully and any related characters belong to CC and 1013 productions, whoelse I don't know. Authors note: Everything dies at the end, why not them? It's a short fic, well just say it's my first try. I'm German so please don't sue me for grammatical or other faults. If you can read german you're welcome at my Web Page (http://www.geocities.com/shadowqueen_de). So enjoy this one... The truth. Wanna know? by Suaine The truth. I had been searching for it since ... since Sam had gone. Since they had taken her. And now? I don't wanna know. God, I wish I wouldn't know. About her, about my father, neither Bill Mulder nor the cancerman, about Krycek killing Scully's sister ... Scully. I wish I wouldn't know. God, I want to forget. 24 hours earlier Mulder's apartment "What's it? Any UFOs out there, a big alien kidnapping another abstinent farmer in Nebraska?" she seemed to be angry, but he knew that she was already excited to hear about this case. He'd called her to come here just thirty minutes ago. Her apartment is about fifty minutes away. She must have been on her way already. Nevertheless it must have been rather unimportant, she even didn't mention it yet. 'Maybe she just wants to be with me?' He sighed, the thought was ridiculous =96 even to him. "No." was that everything he was able to say? ...seconds of silence past between them... 'Why can't I continue to talk? It's about her. She 's looking at me, watching me.' Her Eyes examined his face, rested at his mouth then did their way back to his eyes. "Mulder?" her voice was so soft, so sweet =96 like it was in his dreams. Did she know what she's doing to him? Did she even imaging how it felt? Did she ever think about...finding it out? "Um...No. It's a murder. ... Probably it's a murder. There are no signs of any force." "Then why do think this case is murder ... why do you even think it's a case?" 'Okay Scully, are we playing this game again? I thought we were through it. It's up to you. Let's play.' "Shall I ... show you the pictures. You'll believe me after seeing this." He's holding an envelope. Standard FBI size. There must be any files in it. X-files? Sure. He looked at her like *she's* always telling *him* those unbearably ridiculous things, wanting her to believe, without proof, without just one evidence...maybe just believe in him? "Scully? Are you OK? You looked like you've been somewhere between nowhere and the moon." He was watching her with concern. Suddenly she wished she could read his mind. If he was feeling like her? Can he see what's going on behind her eyes? In her heart? "Yeah...um...alright." she sat down hard on the couch. Just a little closer as it was legitimate. She could feel his presence and gave in loosing herself a slight moment. "Show me what you've got." Yes. He was right. This was a case. And it could even be a murder. Those pictures were terrifying her. They showed several corpses. All were ... hurt ... damaged ... whatever in the same way, they had no heads. "Ughh..." "That's exactly what I said." "Mulder, who...what...are they?" she couldn't bear seeing these pictures anymore. She put them back into the envelope. "I haven't any idea yet. But I think we should go and find out." Scully smiled. "Yeah. Let's go out and track down some evil head-eaters." Mulder laughs. It's as it always had been. Nothing had changed in about six years working together. Well...something changed. She looked at him. He looked back. The picture seemed quite peaceful not about murders and 'head-eaters'. Both of them knew about their feelings, felt their connection. There's nothing left to say. They stood up in the same second - as they always did =96 and walked out the apartment. Mulder closed his door unaware it's probably the last time he did. --- Scully looked good today...as always. Yes, I love her. I've fallen in love with her the first day she stepped in my office and in my life. I've never told her. Well I told her once, but she thought I was under drugs. I wasn't. I guess she knows. She's been my partner and my friend. And more. We're going by car. Her car. I hate her driving, but I lost my keys =96 possibly *they* have stolen them =96 and she didn't want me to drive her car. What could I do to her car that she hadn't already done? Um...I'd say I was a little...nervous. When the engine made some ugly noise she convinced herself to drive less than 90 miles per hour. At that point sweat ran down my entire body and all I could think was: Wanna eat some head. We've got good brain today. Did she want to kill us? I asked myself every time she drove a car. I can't believe she got her driving license legally. Who had been so damn stupid? I knew as I looked at her face. She's sad. That's why she wanted to beat the devil on the road. I wanted to know. I should have asked. Damn it. I should have asked about her feelings, the reasons of her sadness. Why didn't I say one word? I simply sat beside her and watched our last chance go by. --- Time. Think about it. ... T I M E ... Tiny word for such a big matter. Time is infinite. Like the universe. Like love? I think love is the most important FINITE thing existing on earth. Love ends when your heart dies. My heart is dying now. I can still feel her. I'm so sorry =96 for everything besides knowing her and working with her. We wasted so much time. If time can be lost we did it the best. I lost her several times before. It's different now. This time it's my fault. --- 12.27pm Crime Scene It was very cold out here. I couldn't believe it was summer somewhere else. I was freezing, not because of the coldness but because of Scully. She seemed like something very bad happened to her earlier. It must have happened when she walked to her car and I stayed in my apartment to feed my fish. I couldn't figure out what had hurt her that much, but she didn't talk to me since we left my apartment. I decided to ask her. Too late. She turned around at the sound of my voice and I saw a tear in her eye. "Scully..." I didn't know what to say. Her voice was calm and ... broken. "Mulder, don't ask anytime again. I won't tell you. I'll leave tonight, and I'll never come back." Why, I wanted to ask, Why do you wish to leave? Don't you love me? What happened? I wanted to cry, hold her, do anything, but I just stood there and... and did nothing. I let her go. I thought she was just kidding, or terrified, that she will be better soon. I never saw her again =96 alive. She turned again and left me without a word. She took the car and drove away. I think that I must have stood there for minutes. Someone called me, but I didn't want to speak to anyone. My very last chance =96 went by. --- Now. Now I know everything. Huh, I think I'm dead. Finally I found all the answers. She died. Scully died in a car accident. The policemen told me she had made a call with her cell phone and crashed into a tree. She died immediately. I didn't tell her about my feelings. And now it's too late. For everything. I know about my father and the things he did. And I know about the consortium, cancerman, Krycek and the aliens. The Truth. The thing I was searching for my whole life. Now it doesn't even matter. I don't know what I wanted from my life, but I'm sure I didn't get it. I loved her so much, I can't even tell. When you die and your love isn't around it's a kind of hard, but when you're dead and your love is still somewhere else it hurts like hell. They offered me a way to be with her again =96 and find out about all the things I wanted to know. I took the chance, because I saw no way to regain a normal Life again. He shot me =96 that's all. I just had to die. It was so easy =96 too easy. She's not here. No one's here. What is a truth worth if you have to keep it for yourself? If you can't share it with anyone? I wish I could change the things. Relive my life and do it right. But I can't. It's over. My chances went by and I let them. And now I have an eternity to regret my faults. THE END End notes: Well, you did it. Are you as depressed as I was writing this thing? I planned on a sequel, but then I realised they're dead. I don't think I want them to come back as ghosts. ... Oh, almost forgot: PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK. It's what keeps me alive. You don't want me to die, do you? And for those who like mor happy stuff, I'm planning on writing another English Fan Fiction about Mulder and Scully.