From: smcniel285@aol.com (SMcniel285)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: NEW: Unauthorized Colors-8
Date: 28 Oct 1995 23:07:35 -0400


T  h  e   X  -  F  i  l  e  s
"Unauthorized Colors" pt. 8

The X-Files and  the characters of Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Walter
Skinner belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox
Broadcasting.  The story setting and the characters of the beach brothers,
are the creation of Livengoo, Amperage, Rodent and Monkey Boy, their story
was too entertaining to have to suffer ten weeks with no new product.

At first I had some reservations about posting this, but after seeing
several people post their versions of what was to follow "Anasazi" but
before the new season started, I thought, this isn't any different.  The
exception being of course that at least we knew that a third season was on
the way; "Colors-8" who knows?

I can also relate to writers block and procrastination in general... I
have cornered that market on more than one occassion, however I've had the
good sense not to post an unfinished story yet... I'm not counting this
one as I am simply adhering to the format set up by my illustrious
predecessors.

This is an Unauthorized, non-sanctioned, unofficial addition to Goo,
Amperage, Rodent and Monkey Boy's much beloved and twisted little tale. 
It is my hope that it will spur them into action and as they so love to
say, "On with the show!!!!"  And hopefully we won't have to wait much
longer to see what *they* have in mind for part the eighth.

Subj: Dwarf Blue
From: SEM

     Mulder looked at Scully with panic stricken eyes as she stepped into
the elevator behind the Beach Brothers who had positioned themselves so he
couldn't make another break for it.  The look a unbridled lust he saw in
his partner's eyes did not bode well for him.  And while he was flattered
by the intense desire his partner felt for him, the fact that he was bound
and gagged and the Man in Black was kneading  raspberry jam into the
material of Fox's speedos was the one thing that could kill all romantic
inclinations he felt for the suicide redhead he called partner.  Nope the
lust he saw in Dana's eyes spoke of an unreasoning hunger.  A hunger that
would allow many bizarre and unnatural things happen to Mulder so long as
it could be satisfied.  He had to think of way out of here and quick
before the MIB got that little taste he had said he wanted.

     There was a "ding" and the elevator doors opened upon floor six.  As
Fabio and DJ began to roll Mulder out on the skateboard a shapely brunette
in pigtails wearing a light blue dress with a white apron and ruby
slippers stepped aside to let them exit.  Standing next to the woman was a
blue dwarf with a facial appliance to make him appear as a monkey wearing
a pair of blue speedos and  pair of small blue wings on his back.  They
stared wide eyed as the four shimmering, rubber clad men and the fiery red
head wheeled the sixth member of their group, a mostly naked and
struggling male covered in jam and whipped cream with his feet hog tied by
some rope, arms cuffed behind his back and wearing a studded dog collar
and ball gag, out of the elevator laying face down on a skateboard.  The
two of them, mouths agape, watched the ensemble make their way down the
hall to an awaiting room causing them to miss their elevator.

     As the four priests and Scully and Mulder disappeared into their room
the brunette turned to her companion.  "Now that's what I mean when I say
we should add some spice to our marriage."

     "It isn't enough that I play 'Dorothy and the flying monkey'?  Or
that I let you call me 'little buddy' when we play 'Gilligan finds out the
Skippers terrible secret'?  Forget it.  If you think I'm letting four guys
tie me up and then force me to watch them ravish you you've got another
thing coming."

     Once inside the room, Scully stepped in between her prone partner and
the Man in Black and shot the dark figure an ominous glare as she saw the
delight the man had taken in the excessive kneading of Mulder's buttocks. 
"What did I tell you about that?"

     From the bed Mulder breathed a sigh of relief.  For a moment there he
had believed that Scully was going to go along with all this insanity. 
But like so many times before, she was there for him.  To look out for him
when he did something stupid and to help pick up the pieces in the
aftermath of  his follies.  She gave him the strength to go on.  He
wondered what he had done to deserve a partner as good as Dana Scully.

     "Hey Red," purred the man in a deep bass rumble as he grinned
wickedly at her.  "It's all a part of the ritual.  You want this curse
lifted don't you?  If not, we've got that volleyball game to be at."

     She continued to stare daggers at the man.

     He just grinned wider at her.  He knew the answer even before he
asked the question.  He didn't need to be a seismologist to tell the Mt.
St. Scully was a seething cauldron of lust ready to erupt.

     Scully's foot began tapping as her thoughts raced.  There had to be
other Calusari in Los Angeles, it was an area of about six million people.
 Maybe they could find some that were more traditional.  On the other hand
the sight of Mulder in nothing but his speedos and covered in jam and
whipped cream turned her knees to jelly and set her stomach to quivering. 
Nope, there was no time to look for other Calusari, it was now or never
for she was getting some tonight.

     Her foot stopped tapping and she frowned.  "Just don't enjoy it so
much."

     "What can I say, I'm very passionate about my work.  But then, as a
priest, I have to be."  He turned and began to unload the diving bag.

     As the Man in Black did so, Mulder looked over his shoulder to see
what the priests were doing.  His eyes bulged in panic at the bag's
contents and he moaned and groaned louder trying to scream but for the
ball-gag, then began to struggle at his bonds with renewed vigor.  The
rustling of the plastic tarp beneath him alerted the group to his frantic
state of mind.

     Scully walked over to the bed and sat down next to his writhing form.
 She began to stroke a hand through his hair reassuringly.  "Take it easy
Mulder, everything is going to be fine."  She leaned in closer to his ear
and whispered, "Plus, you're going to need your strength for later."

     This wasn't his Dana Scully; the Dana Scully who tracked him to the
polar ice cap and rescued him after his near fatal encounter with an alien
bounty hunter; the Dana Scully who stood by him when 'Those Nameless
Above' had shut down the X-Files, and stood with him until the department
was reactivated; not the Dana Scully who risked her life by stealing a
sample from the Purity Control project when Mulder had been kidnapped; no
this strange yet alluring woman had to be someone... or something else.  A
succubus perhaps? The Calusari had said something about incurring the
wrath of some demonic forces.  Could this wanton vixen be it?  If so,
where was the real Scully and was she all right?

     But first and foremost on the evenings agenda was not to reenact a
'dropping the soap' scene from any of the B-movie prison flicks that were
raging through his eidetic memory.  And from the almost demonic grin the
Man in Black wore as he continued to un-pack his dive bag, Mulder knew
that escape had become an imperative.  But how?  Scully had the keys to
the handcuffs and with his hands behind his back and a ball gag crammed
into his mouth, there was no way for him to subtly distract her and lift
the keys off her person.  With his feet bound, there was no way for him to
just make a break for it.  His mind raced through his dwindling options. 
Where were alien abductors when you needed them?

     Fabio and DJ started setting up candles and incense around the room
and the bed while Brother Keanu walked over and took Scully by a hand.

     "From what the Mulderman here told Father Skeeter, it's sounds like
that he is the one suffering from the effects of the curse.  You may want
to change your appearance before we start so that the evil will not
recognize you when the ritual begins."

     "I can't, all our belongings were stolen at the airport."

     The Man in Black stepped up behind her, diving bag in hand.  His low
basso voice rolled over her shoulder like a velvet cloth sending a shiver
down her spine.  "Perhaps I have something in here that you can use."

     Scully turned and peaked into the bag.  Her eyes sparkled in delight.
 "You boys come prepared don't you."

     "Once you start an exorcism, it's not like you can stop in the middle
and call a time out just 'cause you don't like the way things are shaping
up.... it's like total commitment city man." said Keanu.  "Demons are like
real assholes about that."

     Scully took the extended bag and headed for the bathroom to change
much to the disappointment of the Man in Black and Fabio, both of whom
hoped that the rather libidinous woman before them would ask one of them
for a little assistance.  Mulder shook his head in panic with eyes half
bugged out clearly indicating that he didn't want her to leave him alone
with the Beach Brothers.  She stopped at the door and smiled reassuringly
at him.  "Don't worry Mulder, I won't be but a minute and I'm only going
to be on the other side of this door."  With that she popped into the
bathroom and closed the door behind her.

     'Great, I'm trussed up like a Christmas turkey with a ball gag in my
mouth and a guy who is eyeing me like Ned Beatty in *Deliverance* and I'm
supposed to feel better because she is within earshot.'  Mulder began to
skootch up the bed trying to sit up against the headboard and put some
distance between himself and the four uniquely dressed priests.

     "Hey man," said Kenau.  "Like relax dude.  Compared to the exorcism
that you witnessed before, removing this curse will be like a day at the
beach.  So just chill and catch a wave dude.  Ride that sucker out. 
Before you know it the day will be over and you will have had the rush of
your life.  You know, surfin' can like really center you dude."

     Keanu then moved the nightstand to the foot of the bed and set a
small pot on top of it.  Next to it he placed the canning jar of Raspberry
jam, the can of whipped cream, the industrial sized bottle of chocolate
syrup, two small tins of nutmeg and cinnamon, a stick of margarine, and
the longest, thickest cucumber that Mulder had ever seen.

     Fabio walked over to the table and ran a finger over the stick of
margarine, then tasted his finger.  He winked at the Man in Black and said
in a thick Schwartzenegger accent, "Ah khant buleeve it's not budda."

     This elicited a brief bout of marijuana induced hysteria from the
four of them as they broke down laughing.  DJ laughed so hard he almost
dropped the candle and that he had just finished lighting.

     Scully exited the bathroom in her new attire.  Seeing the four
delirious surfers lost in their fit of good humor, she looked down at her
partially rubber clad body, then back up at the group.  "What?  You don't
like it.  I think it looks pretty good for an East Coast gal."

     The four looked up at her, she was wearing a wet suit that covered
her torso but left her arms and shapely legs exposed.  Capping it off was
a spare hat that the four Calusari wore.  The laughter immediately came to
an abrupt halt as the quartet ogled her slack-jawed.

     "Hey Red, you ever think of a life devoted to God?  We have room for
a Beach sister." said Keanu.

     "Yeah, how's your volleyball game?" asked DJ.

     Scully just smiled at the compliments but made no other reply.  She
was too interested in the compliment that her partner was making at the
moment.  He had stopped squirming in his bonds and was simply staring in
amazement at her.  Not only that, but apparently he had forgotten his
fears as he was sporting a rather large bulge in his speedos.  It was nice
to see that Mulder was finally starting to get into the spirit of the
whole affair.  Afterall, it had been his idea to call the four stooges.

     A peaceful calm descended on Mulder as he realized that he was
doomed.  There was no getting out of this one.  Betrayed by his loins. 
The curse of being male.  But staring at the vision of beauty standing
proudly in the bathroom doorway he knew that he would suffer many untold
indignities just to have her.

     Suddenly the room was filled with an annoying high pitched whine
which startled everyone in the room from their reverie.  They began
looking around for it's source.  

     Outside the room  muffled shouts of panic and the pounding of feet
down the hall could be heard.  It suddenly dawned on Scully and she hoped
she wasn't right, but seeing Mulder on the bed bobbing his head up and
down trying to get her to look at the ceiling confrimed it; the smoke
alarm had gone off.  No doubt this being a high rise hotel, the police and
fire departments would already be on their way.  They would have some
serious explaining to do.