From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: 18 Aug 2001 13:02:54 -0000 Subject: Under Heaven, MSR, NC-17 by Andrea Source: direct Reply To: ardywyn@hotmail.com Title: Under Heaven Author: Andrea Rating: NC-17 Category: SRA, alternating POV Disclaimer: I wish...then there would be no ninth season, never mind a semi-Mulderless eighth. Archiving: I'd be honoured, but I'd also like to know. Timeline: There is no timeline in the vicinity of this story...well somewhere in season 7, I guess. Notes: Thank you Aly and Dan for the beta reading! Another thanks to Samiam for legal help. Also the X-Files novels are not considered to be canon for the purposes of this story. Summary: There is a time for every purpose under the heavens. Spoilers: Milagro, very loosely, Demons, Triangle. Feedback: Yes Please! ardywyn@hotmail.com My other stories can be found at; http://members.home.net/faloona4/aloneindex.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She let her hand slip between her legs. As her eyes drifted closed she tried to imagine what his hand would feel like; how his lips would feel pressed against hers. Her hand moved as it always had, but recently it had seemed to take longer and longer to achieve her release. This time it simply wouldn't happen. Her need was replaced by a feeling of emptiness. It was an ache that swelled up from her heart only to clutch at her throat. Her hand fell limp. She knew it was useless. She couldn't convince herself to believe the fantasy any longer. Even when there was only a glimmer of a chance she was able to cling to the faint hope that things might change some day. But the days, months and years had passed with no indication of any change and she now knew in her heart that it never would. She would have to make the change herself. She had long feared making this decision, but she felt she was left with no other recourse. She knew it would be the hardest thing she'd ever have to do. She'd had the same thought once many years ago. Somehow she had a feeling this decision would not turn out quite as well. ***** ***** "Dana Scully!?" I spun around when I heard a familiar voice call my name. "Dani Sunderland! Oh my God! How long has it been?" I threw my arms around her and gave her a tight squeeze right in the middle of the mall. Danielle had been my roommate our freshman year. We had assumed at first that we'd been paired up because of last names, but there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to how other people were assigned their rooms. For us it had been a happy coincidence. We were known as the DS twins although we looked nothing alike. Dana and Dani; joined at the hip. Even when we'd decided that we were far too mature for dorm life we'd shared a tiny apartment off campus. Those had been some of the happiest and most settled times of my life. "It was 19..." Dani pursed her lips as we separated to look at each other. "Never mind what year it was," I cut her off with a laugh. "We were finishing up our bachelor's degrees and then you were off to Europe -- to backpack." "And you were off to medical school," she reminded me with a grin. Dani and I had kept in touch for years, but as time passed our correspondence had become more and more sporadic until it finally dwindled away to nothing. "I think in your last letter you said you'd had an interesting job offer," Dani continued. "So what happened?" "How much time do you have?" I snorted. "All the time in the world," her smile lit up her face. "I just transferred back to DC." "Are you still with the State Department?" "Ten years now," she nodded. "Then I guess we have the same boss," I smiled cryptically. "Is this a cup of tea story, or a whole pot?" her eyes widened. "A pot would hardly cause a ripple in this story," I laughed again. I couldn't remember having felt this happy in a very long time. "But I do have a nicely seasoned pot at my place to help us get started. What about your story; a cup or a pot?" "Maybe two cups," she shrugged. "Nothing exciting ever happens to me, but I can't wait to hear yours. What are we waiting for?" she grabbed my hand. ***** ***** It was very odd. Every Friday night that we weren't working on a case, I would call Scully, usually sometime between 10 and 11 o'clock. But for two Fridays in a row she hadn't been home when I called. So I decided to try her on Saturday afternoon instead. When she answered the phone she was breathless and laughing. "Scully?" "Is that you, Mulder?" she sounded distracted. "Look, I have company right now. Is this important or can it wait until Monday?" I was flabbergasted and had no idea what to say. "Mulder? Are you there?" "Yes, I'm here and no it's not important," I told her quietly. "I'll see you Monday." I hung up the phone feeling like I'd been slapped. The rest of my weekend was spent trying to figure out what Scully was doing and why I hadn't been included. On Monday morning Scully was bright and cheerful and all of the tension drained out of me. I was a little disappointed when she turned down my offer of lunch, but she explained that she was going to start running at lunchtime again. I completely understood. It was the easiest time for her to run and keep the time constant. I knew that one of the most important factors in any exercise regime is the ritual. And for a woman, running in the dark is not a good idea, even if she is packing. By running at noon, Scully could have her ritual and not have to worry about her safety. That afternoon Skinner summoned us to his office. The FBI in Ohio had requested our assistance in a case where teenagers were being abducted and then returned several days later. Apparently it had been happening regularly for a couple of months and the locals were at a loss and contacted the Cincinnati field office. They forwarded the case to Skinner. "So it looks like a few days in Ohio," Skinner handed Scully and I each some case notes and a plane ticket. "This isn't a lot to go on," Scully commented as she scanned the notes. "I think that's why the locals asked for our assistance, Agent Scully," Skinner answered her without looking up from his own notes. "Right," Scully murmured and I saw her cheeks flush slightly out of the corner of my eye. "I'm sure with your combined expertise you'll solve this quickly," Skinner finally looked up. I nodded and stood up, taking his comment as our dismissal. Scully stood and followed me out of the office. As soon as we were in the hall, she pulled out her cell phone. I couldn't help overhearing. "Hi, it's Dana," she said after a few seconds. "I just found out I won't be able to make it tomorrow," she sounded disappointed. There was brief silence while she listened. "I know. I was too," she sighed and then paused again. "We can? How?" she perked up. "No I don't," she answered after a few moments. "Okay," she smiled and nodded. "Okay, sounds good. I'll do that as soon as I get home and then we can try it out tonight." When she ended the call she looked surprised to see me standing there. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I didn't realize you were waiting for me. Was there something you needed?" I shook my head, feeling like an idiot. There actually was something I needed, but I couldn't ask her. It was none of my business. How pathetic would it have been to ask her if the person she was just talking to was the same person who'd been at her place on Saturday? I desperately wanted to know who was taking up all of her time -- taking her away from me. More importantly I needed to know the gender of that person. That realization came as somewhat of a shock to me. During our quiet ride in the elevator I tried to figure out when it had become important for me to know if Scully was dating. I couldn't possibly be jealous. It didn't take Scully or me long to figure out what was happening in Friendship, Ohio. When we began our interviews and some of the same phrases began to crop up again and again, I could tell from a mere glance at Scully that she had the same doubts that I did. All we needed was some concrete evidence in order to convince the sheriff. We got it after our interview at the home of the third abductee, Adam McAllister, Scully and I were confronted by his 13-year-old sister, Paige. We were halfway down the street from her house when she popped up out of the back seat. I narrowly avoided driving into a telephone pole and young Paige got up close and personal with Scully's gun. When we all settled down, Paige McAllister handed us the very evidence we were looking for; with one condition -- she wanted to remain a confidential informant. "That weasel would make my life a living hell if he found out I'd squealed on him." Once we'd assured Paige that her name would be kept off the record, she led us to the locus in quo. With this new evidence in hand, our abductees began to crumble. "I guess we should have a little sit down with the sheriff and let him decide how to proceed," Scully suggested after our fifth interview. "Are you going to tell him he's been duped?" Even before we'd encountered Paige, we'd known what was happening. We'd said nothing aloud about our suspicions; we had no need. After so many years together, Scully always knew what I was thinking, even when she thought it was half-baked. "You've always been so much better at sweet talking local law enforcement, Mulder," she smiled innocently at me. "Please, Scully," I implored. "How many is this that you'll owe me?" she looked at me sideways. "Too many to count," I admitted, trying to look helpless. "Mmm," she muttered, but said nothing else. At the sheriff's office I sat in silent awe and watched as she explained what had been happening. She began by dealing with the Kevin Cochrane case. Kevin had been the first Friendship teenager to go missing. When he'd turned up at his home several days later, he'd told his mother a horrifying story of abduction and torture. Mrs. Cochrane went to the sheriff immediately. Sheriff Cormier had Kevin taken to the hospital and examined. He'd been suffering from mild dehydration and several cuts and bruises that seemed to corroborate his story. Sheriff Cormier was green and before this case, I think the most complex thing he'd had to deal with was issuing a speeding ticket to an out-of-state driver. He'd basically inherited his office when his father retired. I think people must have recognized the name and voted him in. "Kevin's case was fairly convincing," Scully continued. "Had it been the only one, I might have believed it." My head jerked toward Scully at her statement. I hoped Sheriff Cormier hadn't noticed my reaction. I quickly brushed it off as Scully's way of trying to appease him. "But when we began to look more closely at the subsequent cases, something quickly became apparent to Agent Mulder and myself." "What was that?" Sheriff Cormier inquired brusquely. "All the disappearances seemed to happen around the weekend." Cormier grunted in agreement. "And there didn't seem to be much investigation into the abductions that followed Kevin's," Scully continued. "What could we investigate? There was no evidence other than what the kids told us." "Did it occur to you that they might have fabricated a tale in order to avoid being punished by their parents, or worse -- having to deal with someone as formidable as you, sheriff?" "You're saying they all concocted this story to avoid punishment?" Cormier was incredulous. "Well, I think Kevin came up with the idea originally, to cover up for the fact that he'd been at a bonfire all weekend. One his mother had specifically forbidden him to go to. He'd told her he was staying with a friend. When that story collapsed, he came up with another one on the spot. After it worked so well for Kevin, everyone started to use it." "Well, I'll need more than what you think," the sheriff bristled. "I'll need some evidence." "We do have the testimony of the sister of one of the alleged abductees," Scully informed us. "She also led us to the site of the bonfire." Scully handed him Paige's anonymous statement. "That little..." Sheriff Cormier spat as he began to read, but stopped himself when his office door began to open. "Janice said you were in here, Sheriff. Hello Agent Mulder... and Agent Scully," Michelle Cochrane let herself into the room. "I wanted to drop by see if you'd made any progress. I've been worried sick about Kevin. I keep having nightmares that some alien is growing inside of him." "Mrs. Cochrane," Sheriff Cormier stood up. "Yes, Agents Mulder and Scully have solved the case. They were just explaining it to me," he looked at us. I looked at Scully hopefully, but she raised her eyebrows and murmured "Too many to count,". I knew I wasn't going to talk her into this one, so I took a deep breath and launched into the story. "I should have known," Michelle Cochrane shook her head when I finished my story. "But why was he dehydrated? And where did the cuts and bruises come from?" "The dehydration was probably from the alcohol, as were the lacerations and contusions," Scully spoke up. "I can't believe that we've wasted all of your time and money on this," her cheeks flushed. "Well, I'll see to it that these kids think twice before they pull another stunt like this," Cormier narrowed his eyes. "Falsifying a police report won't be taken lightly." "You know, Sheriff, I think Judge Joe Brown would make them do community service," Michelle Cochrane mused. "Is that a local judge?" Scully cocked her head. "No, Scully, he's a television judge," I kept my voice low. "Oh," Scully lowered her head quickly and I could tell she was trying not to laugh. "Yeah, sometimes it is better for kids to get their hands dirty. Kids just have it too easy these days. Don't you agree, Agent Mulder?" the sheriff turned to me. "Um, yeah," the sheriff had caught me off guard. I had expected him to shoot the idea down. "But I assume that's up to the courts to decide." "Of course, but Jerry will likely agree," the sheriff nodded thoughtfully. "Jerry?" Scully raised her eyebrows. "Jerry Boundy, the District Attorney," Cormier informed us. "Unless, of course, you want to pursue charges." "No," Scully and I spoke in unison. "I'm sure you know how best to deal with local affairs," I continued. "Our report will reflect that." "You have no idea how embarrassed I am that Kevin has caused all this trouble. Since the divorce I don't always have the time to give him the attention he needs," Michelle sighed. "What can I possibly do to make it up to you?" "We're just doing our job," I assured her. "You have to let me do something," she protested. "How about dinner? Wouldn't a home cooked meal be nice?" "We wouldn't want you to go to any trouble," I shook my head. "Oh it would be no trouble at all. Please, I must insist," Michelle pleaded with her eyes. I looked at Scully. She looked at her watch and shrugged. I knew what she was thinking. By the time we got back to the motel and gathered everything up we wouldn't have time to drive the more than 100 miles back to Cincinnati before the last flight to DC left. It was a three-hour drive that seemed to take us through every small town in southern Ohio. "That is a very generous offer," I consented and Michelle Cochrane's face lit up. After she'd given me the directions, Scully and I drove back to the motel to get ready. At 7 I knocked on Scully's door. When she opened the door she was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. "Is that what you're wearing?" I couldn't believe I'd actually said it when I heard my own words, but Scully smiled at me. "I'm not going. I have plans, Mulder." "Plans?" I repeated. "Yeah, it's something I set up yesterday," she nodded. "Yesterday?" I was going to have to work on my witty repartee. "When we got the case," she raised her eyebrows as if to remind me. "Then why did you agree to come?" I was confused. "Oh, come on, Mulder. She doesn't want me there, anyway. It's you that she was interested in," she laughed. "Scully!" I protested. "I, however, am not interested in her." "So go and have dinner, make some polite chit chat and then leave. You're a big boy, you'll be fine." "Scully," I whined. "I only agreed because I thought you'd be going too." "If you don't want to go, call her back and cancel," she shrugged. "Sorry, Mulder, I have to go now," she closed the door and left me standing on the sidewalk in front of the motel. Me and some dead moths. I'm sure they were having a better time in Friendship than I was. I didn't have the heart to call Mrs. Cochrane and cancel, so I sucked it up and drove to her house. Scully's knack of pegging people instantly hadn't failed her. Michelle Cochrane did not seem disappointed in the least that Scully hadn't come. "These things happen," she waved it off when I told her that something had come at the last minute. "I was a little rushed, Agent Mulder, so I'm still making the salad. Would you please cook the steaks? I already have the barbecue warming up." "Sure," I smiled politely and followed her into the kitchen to collect the steaks. "Where's Kevin?" "He's at his dad's this week," she explained as she led me to the backyard. "I know that the divorce was hard on him, but I never thought he'd do something like this." "Kids," I shrugged with a smile. Michelle finished making the salad quickly and then brought me a beer. I hoped I was going to get out of this evening without making it awkward. As the evening progressed, it became more and more evident what Michelle Cochrane had in mind. I did my best to keep my distance, but she made it difficult. We ate on the patio and she sat right beside me. While we ate, she pressed her tanned leg against mine, touched my arm and shoulder constantly and asked me about my work. When we'd finished the cheesecake and coffee that she'd made for dessert she offered me another beer. I declined, reminding her that I had to drive, even though I knew another beer wouldn't have been a problem for me. I was about to make my departure when Michelle began to tell me how hard it was for her to deal with Kevin on her own. I tried to sound understanding, but I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. I quickly decided I should go before Michelle made an offer that I was going to have to refuse. Her disappointment was obvious, but she smiled politely. I thought I'd made a clean get away, but she followed me out to the driveway and continued to chatter away. I finally had to lie and say I still had a report to write tonight, so I had to be on my way. It was after 11 when I got back to the motel. I was surprised to see light peeking out from the edges of the curtains of Scully's room. As I was about to knock on her door I heard her laugh filter out through the door. Quickly pulling my hand back, I leaned closer to the door to listen, but heard nothing else. I debated momentarily and then decided to knock. A few seconds later Scully opened the door. "Hi, Mulder, how was supper?" she was smiling brightly. "Don't ever do that to me again, Scully," I looked over her shoulder to see her laptop open on the bed. "What?" she laughed. "You two didn't hit it off?" "Well, one of us did and one of us didn't," I informed her tersely. "I'm sorry she didn't like you," Scully snickered. "You know what I mean," I rolled my eyes. "Are you working?" I nodded toward her laptop. "Chatting actually," she smiled. "Chatting?" I furrowed my brow. "Yeah, over the Internet," she nodded. "Oh, about the case?" I knew it wasn't, but my curiosity was getting the better of me. "No, it's a friend from my pre-med. days. We ran into each other a few weeks ago and picked up right where we left off. It's been great," she grinned. "Okay, I won't keep you," I think I smiled. "Night," she was still smiling when she shut the door. ***** ***** After I shut the door, I climbed back onto the bed to resume my conversation with Dani. dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: <7 years ::shaking head:: I still can't believe you've been together that long...I wonder why not one single thing ever happened between you two?> 'Good question,' I thought to myself. My life would be much simpler if I only knew the answer. dkscully: DaniL: I thought about how I could best describe Mulder's face and realized that if I described each of his facial features in abstract he wouldn't sound nearly as handsome as he really is. dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: I honestly had no idea how Mulder thought of my looks. I did know I was his friend, probably his best friend. It had become painfully obvious to me that he didn't think of me in any way beyond that. dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: <6 feet> DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully <::rolls eyes:: yes> DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: It was plain that my stalling wasn't going to work. Dani was going to make me tell her what Mulder looked like and then she would know that he was exactly my type. dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: <::drooling::> dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: Why had I thought running into Dani again was a good thing? She knew me far too well for my own good. dkscully: <::sigh:: fine, he has a nice ass and if you want a more complete picture, he's circumcised, too :P> DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: I'd been far too worried about him to think about jumping his bones when I'd found him in the shower. But later, when he'd started to recover, and I was still holding him, and we'd only been separated by that blanket... dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: I was surprised it had taken this long for Dani to confront me. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it from her forever. dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: How long had I been in love with him? Slightly more than 6 years, my whole life, a week and half, I wasn't sure anymore. dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: How could I explain that my partnership was my happiness? Having Mulder love me back would certainly thrill me, but I could be happy without that. Somewhat happy, at least, but without my work, the X-Files and Mulder I wouldn't know what to do with myself. It had all become a package -- my life, such as it was. dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: I was upset, but it was hardly Dani's fault and I wasn't about to let her think it was. Maybe at some point I'd be up to explaining it all to her. Before I could do that, I'd have to be able to explain it to myself. dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: DaniL: dkscully: After I logged out of the chat program, I closed my laptop and quickly got ready for bed. Once the lights were out and my eyes had closed, I couldn't stop the tears. It had been a month since I'd decided I needed to move on with my personal life, but nothing had really changed. I only saw Mulder at the office and on cases, but I still loved him as much as I ever did. It suddenly occurred to me that I might never stop loving him, no matter what I did. Leaving the X-Files wouldn't change it, meeting someone else wouldn't change it. Time would only dull it. I wasn't used to not getting my way once I'd set my mind on something. I'd convinced myself that given enough time, I'd get over my feelings for Mulder. It hadn't occurred to me that I might never be over him. Perhaps instead of trying to get change the way I felt, it was time to deal with my feelings, accept that I couldn't change them and get on with my life. ***** ***** I lay awake for a long time thinking about what Scully had said. It wasn't clear whether her college friend was male or female. Even if it was a man, he still could have been only a friend. As I continued to stew over her words I slowly began to realize that if her friend was a man, it mattered to me; it really mattered to me. That revelation came as a shock to me. Despite the fact that I had told Scully once I loved her, I'd regretted it soon afterward. It hadn't only been her reaction, I'd thought what I'd said was mostly because I'd been terrified that I'd never see her again. Later I'd been sure the drugs had made me say something I normally wouldn't. Now I was beginning to think it may have been the only time I'd ever actually been thinking clearly. Why hadn't I realized sooner? Had my work blinded me so much that I couldn't see my own feelings? Maybe that was the case. But whatever the reason, I had to talk to Scully about this. My biggest fear was that I might have left things too long. Once we were back in DC we quickly finished up the paperwork in the case of the creative teenagers quickly. In reality, I spent most of Wednesday afternoon trying to figure out how I should approach Scully, leaving her to handle most of the paperwork. I think Skinner liked it that way better, anyway. Scully's reports were far more concise than mine were. Scully startled me out of my thoughts when she announced that she was going home. I'd been sitting here all afternoon and I still wasn't any closer to figuring out what to do. I left the office shortly after she did and continued my musing at home. At about 10, I had a brilliant idea. I'd just ask her what was going on. Having made that decision, I relaxed for the first time in weeks. When I was walking down the hall toward the office the next morning, I heard the phone ring. "Scully," I heard Scully's cheerful greeting followed by a brief pause. "Hi Danny, what's up?" Scully sounded delighted to hear from this Danny person. "Hey, no big deal. I'll just meet you there," she informed the caller and then there was silence while she listened. "Hey, I'm easy. You know that!" she laughed at her own joke. I, on the other hand, could feel my blood pressure rising. "Okay, I'll see you there at 8. Bye sweetie." After Scully had hung up the phone, I waited a few seconds before I strolled into the office. "Good morning, Mulder," Scully smiled brightly. "Morning," I tried to smile back. I went to my desk and sat down heavily. If Scully noticed, she said nothing. So much for confronting her. It appeared that her friend from pre-med was male. If I was extremely lucky, they were just friends. Maybe he was gay. But how could I find out? I only had a first name. I certainly couldn't question her directly. Even if she decided that it was any of my business and answered me, I wasn't sure how I was going to react if it was bad news. I didn't tend to handle bad news well and Scully would be able to see right through me, if I tried to fake it. I'm not sure how long I'd been sitting at my desk staring off into space when Scully startled me. "I'm off to that meeting at Quantico. I'll see you tomorrow," she smiled brightly at me again. "Right. See you tomorrow," I forced a smile. I had no idea what meeting she was going to. I'm sure she'd told me, but my mind was so muddled I barely knew my own name. It wasn't long after she left that I came up with my plan. In my mind, I had no other choice. I'd have to tail her to see what was going on. I left the office at about two. Before I drove to Scully's I stopped to pick up some supplies. Once on her street I set myself up about half a block from her building. She arrived home about an hour and half after I got there. After parking her car she went straight inside. While I waited for her to reappear I listened to a local sports talk radio show. When Scully finally left her building three and half hours later, I was so tired of hearing the dissection of that night's Orioles- Yankees game that I almost didn't care who won -- almost. I was surprised to see that Scully was dressed in cotton pants and a sweater. I'd expected her to be wearing something a little fancier. I was even more bemused by the fact that she was carrying a leather satchel. Giving her about a block's head start, I pulled out and followed her. It didn't occur to me at first where she might be going, but after about 10 minutes I realized that she was heading toward the campus of Georgetown University. She pulled into one of the parking lots. Since I didn't have a pass, I flashed the campus cop my badge, and he waved through. When Scully got out of her car, a woman emerged from a nearby car and waved to her. Scully waved back and the two women met up and began to walk in the direction of one of the buildings. I had to wait another two and half hours before they emerged, still smiling and talking. To make matters worse, the Yanks had lost badly to the Os. Instead of going home, both women went to a trendy coffee shop, not far from campus. There they met a group of men and women I assumed had been taking the same course. Scully and her friend stayed for about an hour and it was almost midnight by the time Scully got home. Shortly after she went up to her apartment, she turned off all of her lights. On my way home I went over what I'd learned and compared it to what she'd told me. I gathered she was taking some kind of night class and the woman she'd met up with was the friend she'd told me about. I'd assumed that Danny was a guy, but it was a woman she met at 8 o'clock. Danny must be a woman and my best guess was that Danny was short for Danielle, or something similar. Knowing that Danny was female only made me feel better briefly. I still had to deal with the fact that Scully had suddenly tossed me aside in favor of her college friend. What did that have to say about what she thought of me? I was at a loss for what to do next. ***** ***** I had to hurry to make it to work on time on Friday morning. I should never have had that coffee after class the night before. It had kept me up and I had to drag myself out of bed. Thinking Mulder would be waiting for me, with that self-righteous look on his face he reserved for those times he actually made it into work before I did, I practically ran down the hall to the office. I was mildly surprised to find the door still locked. As I was fishing for my keys I heard the phone start to ring. I had to wonder if Mulder had decided to make it a long weekend. "Sleep through your alarm?" I asked when I picked up the phone. "Hardly!" I was surprised to hear Dani's voice. "I was very rudely awakened by my alarm." "Sorry, I thought you were Mulder," I chuckled. "Ah, how is that hunk of a partner of yours, anyway?" "You've never met the man, Dani. How would you know he's a hunk?" "Besides the way you described him? You have a picture of him at your place. I wondered who that was amidst all of your family, but after our chat the other night, it all became perfectly clear." "What became perfectly clear?" I wasn't sure what she was getting at. "That you're only staying in that dead-end job so you can drool over him," I heard mirth in her voice. "Do you think you can get me going?" I replied tartly. "Tsk, you're no fun," she sighed. "And you still haven't answered my question." "Was there a question in there somewhere?" I knew exactly what she was asking, but I really wasn't ready to talk to her about it yet. "How is your partner?" she enunciated each word very clearly. "Fine, I guess. I haven't really talked to him much since we got back," I was truthful. "Really? Why not?" I didn't want to tell her it was mostly because I was making sure I was never home to take Mulder's calls. I was still missing Mulder bitterly and the time we were spending together at the office didn't make up for all of the hours that used together away from the office. "Well,when we got back I wrote up the report on that case and then yesterday I had a meeting to go at Quantico," I explained. "You didn't work on the report together?" Dani sounded surprised. "No and that was a bit strange. Mulder usually argues with every second word I put into a report. Wednesday he let me write the whole thing and then cosigned it after barely reading it," I remember thinking his behavior was a bit odd. "I'll bet it was because he was pining for you," Dani began to tease, but I didn't want to go down that road. There had been so many times when I'd thought Mulder's behavior must have meant he was in love with me, only to have my hopes dashed each and every time. "It was more likely due to the fact that the case was a hoax and he was annoyed," I assured her. I didn't mention the fact that I'd also noticed that he hadn't done anything since we got back except sit and his desk and stare off into space. Or that I was sure I'd caught him staring at me several times. I was afraid if I said anything out loud, I might get my hopes up. "Well, that wasn't the reason I called anyway. I was wondering what you were up to today." ***** ***** The morning after my covert surveillance of Scully I overslept and it was almost 9 o'clock when I was hurrying down the backstairs toward the office. The door was wide open and I could hear Scully's voice. "Oh, paperwork mostly," she sighed. I assumed immediately that she was talking to her friend, Danny. "Yes, but there are lots of cases that we haven't wrapped up. Some cases I only consult on, but that still means a ton of paperwork," she explained and I had to smile at the exasperation in her voice. "It wouldn't matter what department I was in, but I'm attached to the X-Files. I won't leave unless Mulder asks me to or if I'm reassigned." My heart skipped a beat as she spoke. Whatever was going on, at least she still wanted to be partnered with me. It was a tiny silver lining, but at this point, I was willing to cling to anything. "Oh, I don't know, Danny," Scully sounded very hesitant. "I'm sure he's wonderful," she continued after a brief pause. "I'm just not ready yet." My mind began to race. It sounded like her friend was trying to set her up, but Scully's response confused me. Not ready yet? She said it like she was on the rebound -- but from who? Unless I'd been totally in the dark, she hadn't even been out on a date in ages. Maybe it was just that she wasn't interested in this guy and didn't want to offend her friend. I certainly hoped so. When I tuned back to my eavesdropping, Scully was saying goodbye. I waited for a few seconds and then strode nonchalantly into the office. "Hi, sorry I'm late -- slept through my alarm," I smiled. "I thought as much and don't worry, I covered for you," she smiled up at me. That smile was enough to make my heart ache. I missed her more and more with each passing minute. I saw her five days a week, but it wasn't enough. It was only now I was realizing that I'd started calling her after work and dropping by her place unannounced because I needed to see more of her. Now that I'd finally come to terms with what I'd been doing, I had to figure out how to explain all of this to Scully before it was too late -- if it wasn't too late already. I hadn't noticed that I'd been sitting at my desk not doing anything until Scully asked me if something was wrong. "What? No, just thinking," I shook my head quickly. In fact I spent the rest of that day thinking; stayed up late Friday night thinking and lay in bed Saturday morning just thinking. I'd accepted that I loved her. That was inescapable, but there was something I needed to know from her. Why had she suddenly cut me off? In one way I was grateful that she had, otherwise I never would realized how much I needed her. But my biggest fear was that she was tired of me and had only stayed on because she found the work challenging. I had to find out one way or the other. ***** ***** "We could go shopping," Dani suggested with a shrug. "We always go shopping," I rolled my eyes. "And I don't like shopping that much. Surely there is something else we can do on a rainy Saturday afternoon." "Yeah, well I wasn't that thrilled about the new wildflower section at the botanical gardens," Dani stuck her tongue at me, prompting me to behave as maturely in return. "A movie?" she turned her palms up in defeat. "It's just pouring out," I walked back to the window to check out the weather conditions for the fifteenth time. "I'd rather stay in." "We could make fudge," she waggled her eyebrows at me. "Oh, you've done it now, woman," I lowered my voice. "If I don't have all of the ingredients, I might have to kill you." After some frantic searching through my cupboards we found everything we needed and in half an hour the fudge was cooling in the fridge. "How long does it have to cool?" Dani asked for the third time. "Two hours," I repeated firmly. "Maybe there's something on TV," she wandered into the living room and flicked on the set. I finished tidying up the kitchen while Dani surfed through the channels. "Golf, infomercial, pledge drive, golf...shopping channel?" she paused. "No!" "Baseball, Magnum P.I. rerun..." we both paused momentarily. "Nah," we agreed in unison. "Home repair, music videos, cartoons, ...ooo TLC has a show on called 'Inside the FBI'." "No!" I called even more emphatically. "Car repair, a movie..." there was a pause while she tried to figure out what it was, "Sci Fi, cartoons, CNN, another movie... James Bond," she sighed. "Wanna watch me rearrange my sock drawer?" I laughed. "I'll pass...we've got mating habits of Komodo Dragons, and... more golf, tennis, and another movie and it's....I'm not sure, but Charles Bronson is in it," she sighed heavily. "War stuff, Martha Stewart, and...guys riding down a mountain on their bikes. So how many pairs of socks do you have?" "We could listen to NPR," I offered. "How many pairs of socks do you have?" "NPR has some interesting stuff," I huffed. "How long does the fudge have to cool?" "Dani," I warned. "We could use spoons -- please?" she stuck out her bottom lip and headed toward my cutlery drawer. "Fine," I relented and within a couple of minutes we were at the kitchen table with a pan of runny fudge, two spoons and two glasses of milk. "So?" Dani asked after her first spoonful, "When are you going to come clean about this Mulder guy?" "What do you mean? You know more than my mother," I honestly had no idea what she meant. "Why didn't you tell him how you felt? The Dana I knew always went after what she wanted -- especially men." "He means too much to me," I answered quietly. "What the hell does that mean?" her mouth was full of fudge. "I'm afraid that telling him how I feel will change the delicate balance of our relationship," I tried to explain. "That is so much shit," she put her spoon down heavily. "What?" I was being as honest as I knew how to be. "This isn't high school, Dana. If he doesn't share your feelings, deal with it. You're both adults, you'll cope. What are you really afraid of?" she was watching my face closely. "Why are you afraid to confront him? You keep saying how much you trust him and how he's one of your best friends. It doesn't sound like you trust him to me. You can't even be honest with him." My heart was pounding in my chest and my thoughts racing. How dare she say I didn't trust Mulder? I trusted him with my life. But she was right, I wasn't being completely honest with him. A knock at my door interrupted my muddled thoughts. ***** ***** As I stood in front of Scully's door, the courage I'd managed to summon up started to drain away. I'd almost chickened out but then I saw the look on her face when she opened the door. She looked upset. Her brows were furrowed, her normally sparkling blue eyes were still, her cheeks were drained of color. "Is something wrong?" she cocked her head at me. "I was just going to ask you the same thing, Scully" she held the door open for me. "Who is it?" I heard an unfamiliar voice call from the kitchen. "Mulder," Scully called back. The next sound from the kitchen was the scraping of a chair as it was pushed back. A few seconds later the woman Scully had met at Georgetown appeared. "Mulder," she held out her hand to me. "I haven't heard enough about you. Trying to get Dana to talk about you is like pulling teeth." "I know exactly what you mean," I shook her hand firmly and gave Scully a sidelong glance. "And you're much better looking than she said you were." Despite the warmth of her smile, I felt my stomach fall. "Dani!" Scully protested immediately. "I said Mulder was good-looking in his own way." "Thanks, I think," I rolled my eyes, feeling minutely better. "I meant that if I tried to describe your individual features it wouldn't make you sound nearly as handsome as you are." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, her cheeks began to grow pink. "Hey," she turned to Dani. "What are you babbling about? You've seen his picture." "You're better looking in person, and your hair was too short in that picture," Danny bent to pull on her shoes. "Where are you going?" Scully sounded confused. "I have to meet my mother. Didn't I tell you?" Danny reached for the door. "No, I don't remember you mentioning that," Scully's voice sounded somewhat dry. "Go figure," Danny shrugged with a smile. "Well, it was nice to meet you, Mulder. I'll call you tomorrow, Dana." And with that she left, closing the door firmly behind her, leaving me with the impression that Danny definitely did not have plans to meet anyone. Scully was smiling awkwardly at me. "Is something wrong?" she repeated her original question. "I need to talk to you," my voice sounded shaky, but she didn't seem to notice. "About a case?" she began to walk toward the living room. "No, it's personal," I admitted, relieved that she wasn't able to see my face. "Oh," her voice was quiet. "Has something happened?" "No, I need to ask you something." "Okay," she sounded hesitant. We'd reached the couch and sat down. Scully said nothing more, but she was looking at me expectantly. I gnawed on my cheek and looked at my hands. "What did you want to ask me, Mulder? Surely it can't be that bad?" she put her hand on my knee. I took a deep breath, "I guess it would be better if I just got it over with." Glancing up at Scully, I found her eyes wide with surprise. "Will you be honest with me?" I finally looked her fully in the eyes. "I've never lied to you, Mulder," her eyes didn't flicker once. "Okay," I began, "A few weeks ago I noticed that, shit -- this is going to sound pathetic." "What?" her voice was incredibly gentle. "Well, you don't seem to have time for me anymore." There, I'd said it. I closed my eyes and waited for her explanation. "Oh," her response was barely audible. "I didn't think you'd notice." When I opened my eyes, I discovered that now Scully wasn't meeting my eyes. "But you deserve to know the truth," she continued. "I hope we'll still be able to work together after I tell you this." I lowered my head into my hands and prepared myself for the worst. "I needed to distance myself from you." "Why?" my head jerked up. "Because," she looked up to the ceiling. "I'm in love with you." "You're in love with me?" I repeated, stunned. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I can't help the way I feel." "Wouldn't you want to spend more time with me if you were in love with me?" I furrowed my brow. A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth, but then her face grew solemn again. "Not when you don't love me back." "You were trying to get over me?" It all suddenly became clear to me. "Yes," she sighed, her eyes flicking toward me briefly. "Did it work? Are you over me?" I asked breathlessly. "Not yet," she grimaced and rolled her eyes. "It's hard when we work together all day." "Thank God!" I breathed. "Wha --?" She began in confusion, but before she could get her question out, I'd closed the distance between us, taken her face in my hands and covered her lips with mine. In spite of gasping in reaction, her mouth moved with mine, her body becoming pliant under mine. "Scully, I'm so sorry," I paused to apologize. "Mmm," she mumbled. With her hands in my hair, she pulled me back into the kiss. "It's not your fault," she murmured into my mouth. "You didn't know." "That's not what I mean." As we'd been kissing we'd been sliding down so that I was lying on top of her; my burgeoning erection pressing into her belly. "I'm sorry you had to push me away for me to realize that I loved you," I clarified. "If I'd known that was all it was going to take, I would have done it sooner," she chuckled and rotated her hips against me. "You almost drove me crazy, Scully," I told her, my voice somewhat muffled since I happened to be nuzzling her neck. "I had no idea that you'd even noticed," she was caressing my back. "Noticed? I was beside myself. You have no idea how relieved I was to find out you were taking a course," I confessed. "I don't remember telling you that I was taking a course," her body went still beneath me. "How do you know that?" My heart began to pound furiously. What was I going to tell her? Lying would only compound the problem, so I decided to be honest with her. "I followed you." "You what?" She was pushing at me, scrambling to get out from underneath me. "How dare you!" "Scully, I'm sorry. Please let me explain." I was sitting up again and she was standing at the end of the couch; her blue eyes blazing. I'd seen her this angry before, but it had never been directed at me. "I'm listening," her voice was cold. "Well, you mentioned that you'd run into a friend and picked things up right where they'd left off. And you were hardly ever home and when you were, you answered the phone all breathless and laughing. I thought your friend was an old boyfriend," I rambled almost incoherently. "Why didn't you just ask me?" her hands were planted firmly on her hips. "Why didn't you tell me you loved me?" I countered. "It's not that easy -- I was afraid of what the answer might be. Isn't that why you didn't tell me you were in love with me ? Because you didn't want to face what my possible reaction might be?" "Dani just made me admit that to myself today," she admitted, her face softening. "And you know how I react to bad news, Scully. I was afraid if you told me that you were seeing someone else, I'd melt down. Then you would have seen how much I really needed you," I stopped to take a breath. "And I do need you, Scully, desperately. Please tell me that you can forgive me." Sighing, she shook her head and moved closer to me. "Why do we always get our signals crossed, Mulder?" Smiling softly at me, she straddled my legs and sat down in my lap, forcing me to lean back against the couch. "Um, I think it's all a huge conspiracy," I was having trouble thinking straight since all of the blood seemed to be leaving my brain. "That must be it," she agreed softly and leaned in to kiss me. "But from now on we have to be completely honest with each other, okay?" "Mmm, okay," my eyes were closed and I was looking for her lips again. "I'm serious, Mulder. Promise me that if you have any doubts, you'll ask me." I opened my eyes to discover that she'd backed away slightly. "I promise, Scully," I vowed sincerely and attempted to kiss her again. "I will never keep anything from you again either, Mulder. I promise." "Okay," I nodded, still trying to capture her lips. I probably should have cared about her promise, but other things had moved to the forefront of my mind. "Are you listening to me, Mulder?" Scully's voice had become huskier. "Mmm," my lips were working their way along her jawline toward her chin. My hands had wandered up to her breasts. "I could get you agree to anything right now, couldn't I?" she was slowly rocking in my lap. I slid my hands down to her hips and pulled her closer. "Anything," I agreed before my lips closed over hers. "Mmm," she pulled back a little, "I think I'd prefer you to be of sound mind when you promise me anything." "'Kay," my lips sought hers again. Finally all speaking ceased and I got to kiss her properly. I could barely believe that she was kissing me back with the same fervor I was expending on her. Neither of us seemed content to let the other have the upper hand when it came kissing. We were both fighting for dominance, but I would have expected nothing less from Scully. When I pushed her shirt up to reveal her silky bra, I wasn't surprised to feel her thumbs brush across my now exposed nipples. The little sound she made at the back of her throat when I groaned in response sent a jolt straight to my already throbbing cock. As I began to tease her nipples, she made slow circles against me. Had I been younger, her actions would have marked the end of this little escapade. Apparently more than wisdom came with age. Scully suddenly pulled away from me, startling me. "These clothes are in my way," she pulled her shirt over her head and then proceeded to tug at my jeans. Deciding it wouldn't be fair to let her do all of the work, I reached around to unhook her bra. When her bare breasts fell free , I forgot what I was doing. I had to taste her. At the first flick of my tongue, she too paused and leaned closer to me. As I drew one nipple into my mouth, I rolled the other between my thumb and forefinger. "God, Mulder," Scully breathed hoarsely. Somehow knowing that she was enjoying this as much as I was, if not more, thrilled me. I also hoped that, unless I screwed up royally, I'd get a chance to do this more thoroughly, because I needed more. "Scully," I released her nipple and looked up at her. The sight of her head thrown back and the look of pure pleasure on her face was almost more than I could take. "Mmm?" her voice was sultry. "I want to get my jeans off quickly and I'll need to stand to do that." "Okay," she moved to get off my lap, but I put my arm around her waist and stood both of us up. Before I set her down, I captured her lips again for a quick kiss. Once her feet were on the floor again, she looked up at me and the smile on her face nearly took my knees out. I made quick work of my jeans, but apparently Scully was faster because she began to help me with my boxers. As soon as my cock sprang free Scully seemed to forget about my shorts and her hand closed around me. Her skin felt cool to my super-sensitive flesh, heightening the sensation of her touch. I must have managed to undress myself with some unconscious part of my mind, because I found myself completely nude and leaning heavily against Scully. After caressing and stroking me several times, Scully's hand stilled, but stayed wrapped around me. "Let's make love," she whispered when my eyes flickered open. I must have made some indication that I approved of her suggestion because she went to the couch and lay down. "I thought you'd stay on top," the sound of my own voice almost made me jump. "Some other time, I don't think I'd be able to concentrate right now," she held her arms open to me. I wasn't sure why she thought my powers of concentration would be any better than hers, but I didn't stop to debate the issue. Kneeling between her legs, my feet ended up being over the arm of the couch. "No, huh?" she giggled. "Floor?" I suggested. The way she pursed her lips told me she wasn't thrilled with that idea. "How about this..." I got off the couch and knelt on the floor, thankful for the plush rug in front of the sofa. Then, taking her by the hips, I pulled her to the edge of the couch, but she was still a little beyond my reach, so to speak. While she watched me intently, I took her heels and put them on my shoulders then pulled her further off the couch. Her eyes widened a little in surprise. "Okay?" I wanted to make sure I wasn't making her uncomfortable. "So far, so good," her voice was still nicely husky. "Just new," she grinned. "It's new for me, too, and I'm still not sure if it's going to work," I chuckled. With her rear end hanging off the sofa, I could reach her easily, so I slowly began ease my way into her. She felt glorious, I was positive it had never felt like this with anyone else. With my eyes closed, I concentrated on sliding completely into her. Hearing her gasp made my eyes fly open and I stopped moving instantly. "I don't know about you, Mulder, but it definitely works for me," her laugh was raspy. "Don't stop." "Sorry, I thought the position was hurting you," I explained as I began to move again. "Nope," she breathed and started to move with me. From my perspective it was a good choice of position since I had easy access to her breasts. The only drawback was that we couldn't kiss, but there would be plenty of time for that later. I made due by kissing her ankle. It didn't occur to me that there might be a drawback for her. I had one hand on her breast and my other on her hip to make sure she didn't fall off completely. I was mildly surprised when she slid her hand over her belly and began to caress her clit. "Oh, sorry," I felt like it was something I should have been taking care of, but this position didn't really allow it. "It's okay, I've got it covered," she smiled slyly at me. "It doesn't bother you, does it?" "Quite the contrary," I breathed, as I watched her hand moving. The sight of her touching herself caused me to speed up. My eyes flicked up to look at her face. Her neck was arched and her mouth was open in an expression of pure ecstasy. "God, Scully," the look on her face made my balls tighten more than they already had. When I looked back at her hand, she had sped up and I felt her internal muscles beginning to tighten. Within seconds her entire body went rigid and she began to quake. I had wanted this to last longer, but I was powerless to stop myself from coming. "God, yes," I heard Scully groan through the white noise of my climax. It took me a few seconds to realize she was reacting to my orgasm since her body had gone limp. When I opened my eyes, I was kneeling back on my heels and Scully had slid off the couch onto my lap. I took the opportunity to kiss her. "Mmm," she sighed in response. "You do realize, Mulder, that most couples wait a little while before they try experimental positions." "We aren't most couples," my heart skipped a beat at the use of 'couple'. "You can say that again," she laughed and kissed me. "Want to experiment on the bed next?" I grunted, as I struggled to my feet. "Rebel!" she threw her head back and laughed. ***** ***** The sound of my phone ringing pulled me out of a warm dream. "Hello?" I mumbled. "Morning, Dana!" Dani sang into my ear. "What time is it?" my eyes weren't able to focus on the clock. At the disturbance, Mulder grunted a little snuggled closer to me. "Around ten and what was that I just heard?" she sounded delighted. "What?" I still wasn't processing very well. "It sounds like you aren't alone," she sounded pleased with herself. "I'm not," I confirmed, smiling to myself at the memories of the previous night. "What happened? I want details!" she practically shouted into my ears. "Later," I chuckled, causing Mulder to stir again. "What?" he mumbled into my hair. "It's Dani," I explained. "Hi Danny," he murmured into my hair. "When can I come over? Are you two planning to get out of bed today?" "Are we planning to get out of bed today?" I asked Mulder. "Nope," he chuckled. "Then I get you at lunch tomorrow," she demanded. "It's a date," I agreed. "Okay, see you then and don't do anything I wouldn't do." "Thanks for the latitude," I laughed. "You're welcome," she chuckled. ***** ***** His hand slid over her belly and he pulled her closer. She relished the feeling of his muscled body against hers. In all of her fantasies it had never felt like this. It felt natural and healthy and even a little hedonistic to have his naked form touching her. Her flights of fancy had always left her feeling small and alone, but now she was revitalized. It seemed that she could feel her blood pumping through her veins with every beat of her heart. In her wildest dreams, it had never occurred to her that her decision would have led her to this place. She chuckled softly to herself at the realization that the hardest decisions she'd ever had to make had led her to him. She remembered the verse her mother had always recited when things hadn't gone the way she'd hoped. "To everything there is a season and a time to purpose under the heaven." Her time, it seemed, had arrived. end please send feedback to ardywyn@hotmail.com