From: Lindiwe Ngwevela Date: Sat, 4 Dec 2004 18:31:59 -0800 (PST) Subject: Unforeseen Battle Source: direct Author: Lindi Rating: PG Spoilers: None Keywords: Mulder/Scully Friendship, Angst Summary: When Mulder starts ignoring Scully, she starts to take the anger out on herself. Disclaimer: These people DON NOT belong to me. I'm only 14! I couldn't DREAM these characters up if I tried, maybe I could. Feedback: Please. Lindi_Ngw21@yahoo.com Author note: This is NOT the first fanfic I've written, but it is the first that I've ever submitted. I'm currently working on another piece that you shouldn't be expecting any time soon. Enjoy! Author warning: If the subjects of alcoholism and anorexia bother or offend you, you have been warned. Unforeseen Battle The day began with Scully waking upon her couch, pushed straight up against Mulder. 'What the hell happened here.' She thought to herself as she surveyed her apartment. It was a mess. Not so much a mess as disorganized. There were some papers and files on the floor by the coffee table, a half empty wine glass and two red wine bottles. 'Holy crap.' She realized what had happened. She slept with her partner. She got drunk and slept with him. She could never look him in the eye again. She quickly collected herself and staggered into her bathroom. She washed out her mouth, preparing to brush her teeth when a sudden wave of nausea hit her. She just made it to the toilet seat before she heaved the first, then the second, then the third time. She was riding the waves gracefully, not splashing on the seat, not making any noise or anything of the sort. She was finished very quickly and she washed out her mouth again and decided not to brush her teeth for she knew that she would only be causing harm to them. She went into the bedroom and laid out some clothes, getting ready for work. 'I'm NOT calling in sick, I'm NOT calling in sick.' She repeated over and over, trying to convince herself that she was fine. She decided, however, that she was going to call in sick for Mulder and let him sleep. It was a way for her to avoid him for the day. She took a long, cool shower and dressed, only getting a handful of Raisin Bran on her way out. She had gained some weight recently and was on a diet. Being a doctor, she knew the dangers of dieting, so she decided to take it slow. On her way to the office, she called in sick for Mulder, saying that he had come down with a 24 hour bug. Skinner thought it was unusually uncharacteristic of him to call in sick because of a cold. He was a workaholic, nothing kept him from the office. Nothing. When Scully got to the office, she drowned herself in paperwork from hour one. She skipped lunch and worked out reports and old cases until three o'clock. At that time, she decided to get a coffee break. She got a very tall skim milk latte from her usual coffee place and returned to the office and worked again until eight. In all that time she had gotten two calls from Mulder, both of which she ignored. He had thought about coming over to the office, but he decided to lay off, go home and wait. And wait, he did. For the whole day, he expected at least a short call, just to let him know she was okay. But nothing. She didn't come by, she didn't call, she didn't even sent him a goddamn E-mail! It was obvious she was avoiding him, so he decided to come by her place around 8:00. He knew that's when she would be getting back from work. He had noticed how she was staying at the office late and staying up all night working. He would call her at midnight, just to see if she was sleeping. And she never was. He was obviously getting suspicious, concerned, actually. He arrived at her building at about 8:30. Her light was on and he knew what she was doing. She was working. He came up to her apartment and knocked on the door. Scully answered the door, still wearing her suit. She had just arrived from work. "Scully." He started. "Mulder, I wasn't expecting you. Well actually, knowing you...." Her voice trailed off. "Sorry for dropping by unannounced but I was a bit concerned. I called you twice today and you didn't get back to me so I wanted to make sure you were okay." He said sweetly. "Oh, I'm sorry about that, I was very busy." "New case?" He probed, knowing that there was no new case. "Not really, just some old paperwork you never finished." She was cold and stoic. "Scully...." "Mulder, do you want to come in?" She cut in. He stepped inside and sat on the couch. Once she was settled next to him, he was ready to speak again. But caught up to him before he could. "Was there something specific you wanted to ask me?" She said, almost getting right to the point. "Well, yes. I wanted to ask you about last night. What you said to me." He seemed concerned and gentle, almost scared for her. "I'm sorry, Mulder, but I can't really remember what I said to you last night. I was drunk and anything I said or did, I probably shouldn't have done or said." She was distant and regretful. "You don't remember what you said?" He asked. She was getting tired of this, so she got straight to the point. "Mulder, did we sleep together last night?" "What?" He was baffled at this question. "Did you and I make love last night." She didn't like the term 'make love' in that context. Not at all. "You really don't remember?" She shook her head. "We didn't sleep together last night, Scully." He could practically hear the internal sigh of relief inside her. "But you told me about your diet, how you hadn't eaten in hours." "And?" She said as if she was seeking the relevance of this. "What do you mean 'and?', you need help Scully." This was ridiculous. "I don't need help. I'm fine." 'There she goes again, using the f-word.' He thought to himself. "Scully, you're not fine. When was the last time you ate, honestly. Do you know how skinny you are right now?" She didn't answer, she didn't have an answer. "Scully, you're obviously going through something." "Who the hell are you to tell me what I'm going through? Mulder, for the past four months, you have been all over the place, ditching and dragging me whenever it was convenient for you. I've been putting my life on freaking hold for you. It's like you're on a race against time and 'how many cases can you solve in half a year?'" Her outburst of anger soon turned into tears. "Can't you see that I'm the one paying for this!?" "Scully, why didn't you tell me that you felt this way?" He asked, trying to embrace her, but she backed away. "You never asked me how I felt." She cried. "The whole time I felt like we were strangers, like I didn't know you anymore." "Scully, I never meant for this to be at your expense, I'll do anything to make things better again, anything." He lamented. She wiped some tears from her face and stiffened up again. She put on the most detached, cold face and said, "Then, get out." Mulder was confused, bewildered. "What?" "You heard me, get out of my apartment." She said. "Scully, don't...." "Mulder," she stood. "I said, get out." She did not shed a tear or even look him in the eye. She simply pointed to the door and kept silent until Mulder was outside. Once he was gone, Scully went to her refrigerator and took a look inside. Really analyzed it. It was empty. She could count on one hand the amount of items she had. Diet Pepsi, a cucumber, skim milk and red wine, lots of it. She opened the freezer and looked inside. Ice, an ice pack and some frozen veggies. And last but not least, the cupboard. Cereal, coffee and energy bars. She opened up the fridge again and took out the bottle of red wine. She got out a big glass and sighed a deep sigh as she poured the wine. 'Dana,' she thought 'You need a vacation, darling.' But then a deeper part of her said that Mulder was right. That she didn't need a vacation, she needed help. But that thought left as quickly as it came. Scully went into the living room and sat down in the couch. She was starving. But she was to busy thinking about how she had kicked Mulder our of her apartment. She certainly wasn't guilty that she had done it, he was pissing her off, just surprised that she had the audacity to do it. Hours passed like minutes with each wine glass that seemed to empty itself in a matter of seconds. Scully knew that she should have stopped at her second or third glass and now it seems as if they just kept pouring themselves. Her chest burned from all the alcohol as she lifted the bottle and poured the last bit of wine. She chugged it down and wiped her mouth with her sleeve. Her knees were weak as she tried to stand up from the couch and go to her room. She was still wearing the suit form earlier on. She looked over at her alarm clock and it flashed 12:15 in large red letters. Then suddenly, the phone rang and she struggled to get it. "Hello." She slurred. "Scully, it's me, Mulder." "Mulder, I thought I told you not to call anymore." She said, obviously confused. "No, you didn't... Scully, have you been drinking?" He asked, concerned about her. "Yeah, and?" She said. She listened to Mulder speaking, but she wasn't really paying much attention. She was too concentrated on the world spinning. Spinning, spinning, and suddenly, everything went black. Mulder heard a thud. "Scully, I'm coming over.....Scully? SCULLY!?" 'Oh my God.' He thought as he hung up the phone and ran out the door, grabbing his keys. He knocked on the door first, hoping she was fine and would come and answer. But it wasn't too long before he decided to just use his key and go inside himself. Her apartment looked like it did that morning again. He walked over to the table and lifted the wine bottle on it. Empty. And so was the glass. "Scully?" He called out, hoping for a response. But he got none. He inched closer to dark bedroom and opened the door. There, he found a passed out Scully lying on the floor in an uncomfortable position. He picked her up off of the floor and lightly slapped her, repeating her name and pleading with her to wake up. He realized that she was fully under and that the only thing to do was to take her to the hospital. So he drove to the hospital with her in the back seat, going as fast as he could, breaking the speed limit by 10 miles. But he didn't care. All he was thinking about was getting his partner, his best friend, some help. After he had her submitted, he sat in the waiting room. Thoughts ran through his head. Thoughts of the conversation they had before, about apologizing to her. About her eating problems. The doctor came and called for him, asking to talk in private. "Agent Mulder, is it?" He asked. "Yes." Mulder replied. "You're partner had too much to drink. I'm sure you already know from the statement you gave." He continued. "Her BAC was seven times the legal limit. We pumped her stomach and put her on a respirator." "A respirator?" Mulder was puzzled. "I'm not sure if you know, but your partner has severe malnutrition." Said the doctor. "She hasn't had a decent meal in several months, maybe a year." He continued to tell Mulder about Scully's eating disorder and her drinking problem. "Did you put in a feeding tube?" Mulder asked. "Well, that's a problem. She's an adult and we can't administer a feeding tube unless she wants it...." "She doesn't want it." That was more of a statement than a question. "No." "Can I see her?" Mulder was desperate to talk to her again. "Of course." The doctor lead Mulder downstairs and down the hallway to room 92, Scully's room. Mulder opened the door slightly to find Scully sleeping. She was snoring very lightly with a sad expression on her face. He came closer to her, very slowly, and held her hand. She moved a bit, flinching at his touch and slowly awoke, Mulder's sad face being the first thing she saw. He looked at her, saddened by what he saw. She was small and frail looking. Her hair had lost it's luster and she was broken. The circles under her eyes were darker and her she was thinner. She looked sad. "Scully." She looked away from him. "Scully, please, look at me." He pleaded. "Scully, I know you don't want to talk to me anymore, so you don't have to say anything. Just hear me out, please." Her head turned again to look at him. "Scully, I miss you." He squeezed her hand a bit. "I don't know what I can do to help you. Tell me what to do." She could tell by his voice that he was really distressed. The shakiness of it portrayed fear and concern. He was about to cry. "I feel so helpless, like there's nothing I can do. I'm just watching you fade away." "Mulder, I don't you to look after me. You don't have to do anything, I can handle myself." She coldly said. "Then what are we doing here. The doctor told me that you had a drinking problem, and that you haven't been eating well for almost a year now." "I don't have a drinking problem." She said, turning her head away in the process. "Then why is that I found you drunk in you apartment last night. You don't even remember what happened. And then I find you passed out in your bedroom tonight." She was starting to cry, but doing her best to keep it minimal. "Scully, what's going on here? What are you doing this to yourself?" He held her hand with both of his and rubbed it slowly. "It just feels like, with all that's been happening lately, I've lost control of my life and my emotions. You know?" She was finally opening up. "Like, I've lost control of my emotions and my work and that you haven't been there. Before, you were always there and now, the more you disappear, the worse it is from me." "But Scully, it's okay to lose control sometimes, it's what makes us human. You don't need to control every aspect of your life. Or yourself." He said. "But Mulder, I need that control. It's what keeps me sane." "Scully, you know that I'm always here for you." He gently said. "NO, YOU'RE NOT!" She screamed, ripping her hand out from under his. "You're never here. You don't know I exist anymore." She cried. "That's not true." "Yes, it is." There was a sudden silence in the room. They were both lost for words. "Mulder, just do us both a favor and leave." She really punched him in the gut that time. "I'm not leaving you again, Scully." Silence. "I don't get it, first you tell me that I'm not there for you, and that when I am you want me to leave. Please just explain that to me so I can understand, because I don't. I really don't." "I don't need you anymore." She said, her face was distant and detached. "Scully, but I certainly need you. I need you Scully. Do you hear me? I need you and I'll tell that to anyone who asks." She was trying her best to tune him out. She started to cry more and he came to her and held her. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Everything is so screwed up and I can't even take care of myself anymore. I can't trust myself anymore. I don't know what I can trust." She sobbed. "Scully, you can trust me. Sometimes I feel like you're so gone away, like I don't know who you are. I want my Scully back. I want you to be able to trust me, because Scully, you're the only person I trust. I trust you with my life and sanity. You have saved and brought me back so many times. All I want is to return the favor. Let me help you, Scully." She wrapped her arms around his waist and Mulder took it as a sign. "I need help, Mulder." She shamefully admitted. "I want this to end. I don't want to feel this way anymore." "You don't have to. You never deserved to suffer like this, but this is just the beginning now. There's so much you have left to fight. But you're strong Scully, and we're going to make it. I promise you."