From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Sat, 12 Aug 2000 03:43:36 -0500 Subject: An Unhappy Ending by Nic Source: direct Reply To: x_phile35@hotmail.com Title: An Unhappy Ending Author: Nic Rating: PG Classification: V Spoilers: Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, Tinthonus, Requiem Disclaimer: don't sue me please...... I used to be happy. Even when people died, I knew that things would get better, that I had people I could count on, people to be there for me. Like when my mother died. It was the year 2008, I had a wonderful life, a beautiful daughter, a challenging job, and a supportive partner... "Mommy, Mommy! I have to go to the bathroom," whined Morgan from the back seat. Dana Scully glanced back at her daughter with a drained look in her eyes, "Not now Morgan, we're almost there." ...We were on our way to my mother's wake. She had died earlier that week from a stroke... "But Mommy, I really have to go!" "Well, you're in luck, here we are," said Fox Mulder, pulling up in front of Margaret Scully's house. ...Everyone kept asking me how I was holding up. I've been around death a lot. So much that it was a surprise when I realized how much it could hurt to lose someone. But things were still good. Children are supposed to out live their parents. Three years later my brother, Bill Jr., died. Morgan was eleven, Fox and I had gotten married, and life was good... A phone rings and Mulder picks up. "Hello? Yes, uh hu, I'm sorry. Yes, I'll tell her. We'll be there." He rolls over, gently shaking Scully. "Dana, wake up, I have to tell you something." She wakes up slowly, and looks at the clock. "We don't have to be up for another half hour," she says in protest. "Something's happened, Bill was in a car accident, he's dead." "Oh my God. He's dead?" ...I could hardly believe it. Bill Jr. had always been there, always been looking out for me. And all of the sudden he was dead. His death was more of a shock to me than my mother's, he was still young, he should have had more time. But I worked through it, people die, you just have to move on. Many years passed, Mulder and both retired and Morgan grew up and got married. Then, in 2028, my little brother Charlie died of a heart attack... "How did we get to be so old?" asked Scully, "We used to fly all the time, and now one little flight to the next time zone is almost too much for me." "Maybe it wasn't the flight, but the reason we are making it," answered Mulder slowly. ...The death of Charlie hit Fox harder than my mother's or Bill's. that wasn't too surprising, Fox and Charlie had gotten to be friends, but Bill had always hated him. Charlie died of a heart attack, just like my father. He was sixty-three, and had had a very full life. It was easier to cope, just knowing that. When Fox died, it was almost too much for me... "Mom, are you going to be okay?" "Morgan, death happens. No one can live forever. I'll be all right, eventually." ...His death was hard on me. This was the man I loved, and then he was just gone. Logically I knew that it wasn't the end of the world, but it just felt like it was. My only consolation was that he died in his sleep, peacefully, of old age. He had lived for 78 years, and I knew he had accomplished great things. Many years went by, and I began wondering when I was going to die. Every now and then I would remember Clyde Bruckman, who said I wouldn't die, and Alfred Fellig, who said he took my place in death. But every time they popped into my mind, I pushed them right out. No one lives forever, everyone dies eventually. But the older I got, the harder it was to push those thoughts out of my mind. I didn't except the fact that I wasn't going to die until the year 2075, when Morgan died of old age. I hadn't seen her or any of my grandchildren in years. I didn't look anywhere near my age, so I thought it would be best to stay away. The more people in my family died, the more depressed I got. My grandchildren, my great-grandchildren. I had moved and changed my name many times, but I always had to find out who was still alive. It became an obsession of mine. My apartment was filled with boxes of pictures, names, and dates. I traced all of my decedents, not knowing why, but feeling compulsed to do it. Every now and then I would run across a little girl who looked like Morgan, or a young man who looked like Fox, and it made me more determined than ever that I would not forget. I don't know what I was looking for, all those years I spent tracing every new branch of my family tree. Maybe I was looking for a way back, or for some sort of justification for still being alive. Finally I woke up one day and realized that what I was doing didn't matter, that I was wasting this opportunity I had been given. I could do anything I wanted, there was so much I could learn and do. So I went back to school, earned a Ph.D. I tried writing, learning, doing, but eventually I ended up back where I started. I didn't want to learn anything more, all I wanted to do was die. But that just wasn't possible. So I started following my family tree again. It took me several years to catch up, and when I finally did, I found myself wishing I hadn't finished, so I would have something. Luckily, by then I had so many descendant that just keeping up kept me occupied, for a time. But my life was empty. I realize now that the only reason id did what I did was so I wouldn't have to come to terms with what I was, what I had come to be. I was no longer the enigmatic Dr. Scully, but a sick, sad old woman, with nothing or no one to call her own. No matter how many boxes I had full of names, I still had no family, no friends. I had become Alfred Fellig, and that's why I have to do this. Do you see him? Has he come for you? Don't look in his face. Close your eyes. I'll take your place.