From: jander@x31.infi.net (jander)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: NEW:  An Unrivaled Loss 1/1
Date: 23 Mar 1996 03:11:47 GMT


Disclaimer: I don't own the character's portrayed in this story. Except 
for one that you won't recognizee.  They belong to CC and 1013 
productions.  If I did, I would strap CC down and make him tell me *all* 
about Bill Mulder and tell me what Cancerman's real name is! As usual 
comments to me... I love them... jander@x31.infi.net.

	I am going to give this a 3 tissue warning, due to the effect it 
has had so far.  This is a depressing story, with no other value than to 
depress.  I know, sorry, but the idea came and stuck in my head and I had 
to get rid of it.  The poem at the end of this was written by Robert 
Frost, I am only borrowing it.

	Thanks to Tas and Vanessa for the encouragement to post this.  
Otherwise it would still be sitting here.  ;)

				An Unrivaled Loss
				By:  Kim Adams

	He had never know agony like this before.  He thought watching 
his sister being taken from him was the worst pain that he would ever 
experience.  He had been wrong.  Those three months Dana had been gone 
had almost killed him.  Even that could not compare to the pain he now 
felt.  Agony, anger, despair, and regret all combined still could not 
accurately explain how he was feeling.  He had lost her.  There was no 
chance of her being returned to him like Dana was, or no future hope that 
she'd come back like he knew Samantha could.  She was gone.  He had 
watched as she breathed her last breath, and as the light in her eyes 
died. 
	He heard those around him offer condolences for his loss, but 
they were only words, nothing would bring her back.  Nothing.  Blocking 
out those around him, he thought back to the last few hours with her.  
The memories were so clear and so vibrant, remembering them made the pain 
worse.
				***
	"How are you?"  He tried to not let his emotions slip into his 
voice.  She always knew when he was sad.
"Okay."  The voice was so weak and low, he had to strain to hear it.  Fox 
sat down beside the bed and held her hand in his.  
<It's so small.>
"Where's mommy?"  Those crystal blue eyes looked up at him with such love 
it brought tears to his eyes.
<No tears, not in front of her>
"She's with the other doctors.  She'll be here soon."
"Daddy, will you tell me a story?  One of your funny ones?"  Again those 
eyes, so innocent so unaware of what was happening.
"Sure honey."
				***
	As Fox sat telling a story to his daughter, he never noticed Dana 
standing in the doorway with tears running down her face.  She never 
thought the day would come when all their losses would seem a minor 
insignificant thing.  Both of them had lost so much over the years.  At 
times they could hardly hold onto each other.  Now before her very eyes, 
Fox and Dana's daughter was dying.  There was no government conspiracy 
involved, no alien DNA, and no mysterious unknown virus.  She was simply 
dying.  She had a inoperable brain tumor.  They had tried all that 
medical science had to offer, but in the end they could not stand to see 
her suffer anymore.  So when the doctors had said they could do no more, 
they knew it was time.  Time to let her go.  
				***
	"Daddy, is Uncle Walter here?" She asked.
"Yes, he is.  Do you want to see him?" 
"I want to hear one of his stories, to." 
"Okay, I'll go get him."  Fox said as he kissed her on the forehead. "I 
love you, Missy."
"I love you, Daddy." 
Those were words that Fox never thought he would hear.  Now they only 
tightened the strangling grip on his heart.  He never thought that the 
pure joy of her birth would be rivaled by the agony of her death.
				***
	As Fox walked out the door, he felt rather than saw Dana waiting 
outside the room.  Their eyes met.  Words had never carried as much 
importance as the unspoken bond between the two did.  Words seemed so 
insignificant to them now, words could change nothing that was happening. 
 Fox pulled her into his arms.  They held each other tight needing to 
draw strength from each other. Fox, buried his face in her hair, needing 
to feel her close to him.
"I love you, Dana." he said softly in her ear, as the tears he held back 
were freed.
"I love you to, Fox." she said as she pulled him tighter as if trying to 
absorb some of his pain.
"Dana, she wants to see Walter."  Fox said as he struggled to regain 
control of his emotions.  Each time he gave into them, it got harder to 
push them back.  
"Fox...." she wanted to say something, but the words would not come.
Fox reached out and lightly wiped the tears from her face.  
"I'll go get him.  She asked where you were.  Go on in and be with her."
"But Fox, I need to talk to the doctors.  I need to..." Dana said almost 
urgently.
"Dana, we are losing her.  Don't lose the last few hours we have with 
her."  he said as the ever present lump in his throat grew. "Dana, we are 
going to lose her.  There is nothing we can do to prevent it."
"Oh God Fox.  I don't want to lose her." Dana cried as the tears fell 
again.
Fox pulled her into his arms again, "Go be with her.  I'll get Walter."
				***
	They were all there.  Fox thought.  All the people that were an 
important part of their family.  Family.  That was something that Fox 
never thought he would have.  Here he was in a room with all those he 
loved, waiting for his beloved daughter to die.  Waiting.  There was 
nothing left to do but wait and prepare to mourn.  He glanced around at 
those gathered in the hospital room.  Walter Skinner, his friend and the 
godfather to his child; Margaret Scully, the woman he thanked daily for 
bringing life into his world-- if not for Dana his life would have been 
void of any meaning, and of course, Dana.  Dana had been his life line to 
happiness for so long that without her, he knew he would die.  And then 
there was Missy, she had brought such joy into his life for the past five 
years, joy that he was sure he would never feel again.
	Dana sat on the bed with the Missy in her lap, Fox was there next 
to her holding on tightly to his daughters hand.  They could hear her 
last strangled breath and then the steady beep of the machines-- she was 
gone.  As tightly as they could, they held her.  Soft sobs of agony could 
be heard as the four mourned the passing of one so young and so loved.
				***
	Before the grave she stood.  She could feel his approach without 
turning to see him.
"Dana, lets go home." Fox said as he wrapped his arm around her waist.
"I don't want to leave her."  Dana said softly.
"She isn't here, Dana. You know that.  Its time to go."  Fox said again 
as he steered Dana away from the grave site.

Fox looked back one last time to read the tombstone at the grave of his 
daughter.

				Nature's first green is gold,
				Her hardest hue to hold.
				Her early leaf's a flower;
				But only so an hour.
				Then leaf subsides to leaf.
				So Eden sank to grief,
				So dawn goes down to day.
				Nothing gold can stay.

				Melissa Samantha Mulder
				


The End