From: miranda119@juno.com
Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2003 05:57:15 GMT
Subject: Unspoken       by Miranda
Source: direct


Title:  Unspoken
Author:  Miranda
Rating:  G
Category:  SR
Spoilers:  The Truth (missing scene)
Summary:  Scully wonders what Gibson might be able to tell her about
Mulder's thoughts. Disclaimer:  Characters belong to Chris Carter.  


Unspoken

So many months.  So many long, lonely months we have been apart.  It
seems an age since we have been close enough to touch the other.

I don't know if it is just my anxious nerves, which have been a bit
frayed in recent days. I can't even quite put my finger on it, but
something about our reunion seems off.  Cold.  Impersonal.  

I know that he had to play the part of the brainwashed prisoner to
avoid the brutal treatment he has received there in his cell.  I
understand that fully, and I was relieved to know his mind was still
intact.  But still he is detached.  He's not my Mulder.

I have changed in the past year as well.  I do not spite him the right
to grow and deviate as an individual, but why must it affect his
perception of me?

As my thoughts continue to race around in my mind, mingled with the
obvious concerns and fears I harbor about his charges and impending
trial, Gibson's eyes catch mine.  He has been watching television -
still his only safe retreat from the thoughts of others - but he gives
me a look that says he can hear my every musing loud and clear.  I
shift uncomfortably in my chair at the desk and try to avoid his
glance from across the room.  Finally he speaks.

"You might as well ask me.  I know what you're thinking."  He gives me
a lopsided grin.  I returned his smile apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Gibson.  It's hard not to disturb you with my mind racing
as it is."

"It's understandable."  He nods.  I regard him curiously.  He has
grown up since I saw him last.  And not just the voice change or the
added inches to his height, he has matured emotionally. 

"Thank you." He answers my silent analysis with a knowing smile.  "But
I haven't had much of a choice."

I agree.  "No, you haven't."

"You are wondering what Mulder is thinking right now."  He refers to
my internal dialogue.  I sigh and nod slowly.  He continues.  "You're
wondering why he's not the same as he was when you were apart.  Right
before you were apart."

"He seems so far away, Gibson.  I almost feel like I don't mean as
much to him as I thought I might."  

"I've been listening to his thoughts for awhile now.  I can assure you
that you mean more to him than you even realize.  There is no one he
thinks about even close to as much as he thinks about you.  You and
William."

"What did he say?"  I ask hesitantly, hating for the boy to feel I am
using him to read Mulder's thoughts.

"Don't worry about it."  He answers my thought once again.  "He didn't
say much at all, but he thinks about how he's going to protect you. 
How he's going to spare you grief."

Tears sting my eyes.  He watches me.

"It seems almost funny."  He admits, shaking his head.  I give him an
inquisitive look.

"You are so worried about what he thinks, whether or not he really
cares for you, whether or not he loves you."  

I don't bother to disagree with him, for he knows the truth.

"And he is so worried about you, so worried about keeping you safe and
happy.  All he wants to do is be with you.  He loves you so much, but
he just can't tell you."

"Why not?"  I whisper.  He shrugs.

"I don't think he knows.  But don't worry that he doesn't care.  He
thinks of you the same way some men think of their wives.  He thinks
you're special.  He doesn't know how he'd make it without you.  You
are the mother of his child, and he thinks you are beautiful.  He
spends a lot of time thinking about how pretty you are.  But most
important to him right now is protecting you."

I let his words sink in.  "Thank you so much Gibson."

He smiles politely, then returns his eyes to the television.

Mulder loves me.  I never thought I would hear those words.  But
Gibson is never wrong.  Mulder loves me.

The End

miranda119@juno.com